Criminal Justice

Hey Look! A Onesie With a Joke About Solitary Confinement On It. Hilarious, Amirite?


So this exists, in the gift shop of Washington, D.C.'s Crime Museum:

Crime Museum

Because you know what's a laugh-a-minute? Confining human beings in a bathroom-sized cell for months at a time with extremely limited human interaction! Wocka wocka!

For $16, you can own this "Best selling infant onesie!!" bearing the words "I just spent 9 months in solitary!" which is "made of 100% preshrunk cotton" and "Awesome for our newest additions!" As a bonus, that money will go to a museum that glorifies a rotating cast of law enforcement officers and scolds visitors for participating in black markets.

Not to be a humorless jerk, but here I go: The overuse and abuse of solitary confinement is a wretched, epidemic problem in United States prisons. The New York Civil Liberties Union thinks it's unconstitutional and refers to the cells as "human kennels." One inmate called it "a fate worse than death." George Will thinks it's torture. Reason TV agrees.

And just in case the joke didn't hit close enough to home, here's a Reason TV documentary about what life is like for children in solitary. Happy Friday!


NEXT: Obama: 'We Tortured Some Folks'

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  1. The overuse and abuse of solitary confinement is a wretched, epidemic problem in United States prisons.

    I agree. But I still laughed.

    1. I did, too. Katherine is being humorless about this.

    2. Same. I also laugh at jokes about the Holocaust and Soviet Russia, neither of which are very humorous subjects.

      1. Me too, but the holocaust isn’t happening now, though. And when I went to that alternate universe where Hitler won and bought a “ARBEIT FREI GEMACHT” onesie, I only laughed a little.

      2. in soviet russia, holocaust joke laughs at YOU.

    3. I think if this were being sold by someone else, it’d be funnier. But when it’s being sold by the perpetrator of said injustice, it sticks in the craw a bit…

  2. They could probably have a best selling Mommy onesie emblazoned with “Baby in Big House” or something.

    Just make sure those handcuffs are, um, strategically placed.

  3. Was there a prison rape onesie too? Because that’s even funnier.

    1. You know what’s even more hilarious? When gays get thrown in prison! And they get raped! Cuz they’re gay! LOLOLOLOLOLOLZ

      1. Look, Warty, they must be guilty because they’re in prison, and we all know that no innocent people ever get thrown in prison, ever. Therefore they deserve what they get, right? Because they’re criminals and therefore not even human. My logic is unassailable!

    2. “No, I’m sorry, Sir. But perhaps you’ll enjoy our ‘Don’t Drop Me!’ bar of soap.”

  4. Is the souvenir shop is the Marion Barry wing of the museum?

    1. “Bitch set me up” onesie is even funnier.

  5. Lighten up.

  6. Humorless jerks – not just for the Left anymore!

  7. I agree with Katherine, this joke is in terrible taste. Allow me to class the joint up with my own joke.

    What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
    Dart-boards don’t bleed.

  8. I guess they don’t have a onesie for twins?

    1. Siamese twins? Yes. But the design reflects the joining point.

  9. So, KMW, do you believe that everyone in prison is there as a result of the WoDs or was framed?

    While I’d agree that, what half(?), the people in prisons are there for victimless crimes (and shouldn’t be), the rest are there because they’ve infringed upon the rights of others. I have absolutely NO sympathy for such scum. They are disgusting, violent, immoral pieces of shit and so long as they aren’t being physically harmed, they pretty much deserve everything else they get. Fuck them.

    Why are you supporting those that have infringed upon the innocent?

    1. While I’d agree that, what half(?), the people in prisons are there for victimless crimes

      About 20% are there for drugs. I don’t know about the rest of victimless crimes

      1. Fair nuff. Didn’t feel like looking it up and went conservative.

        1. “I have absolutely NO sympathy for such scum. They are disgusting, violent, immoral pieces of shit and so long as they aren’t being physically harmed, they pretty much deserve everything else they get. Fuck them.”
          Nice. If you ever find yourself in prison for making some small transgression, Frankie, I hope you will spend your time pondering your own words.

          1. Ever met a criminal CN? I mean a no-shit criminal, as in, I’m gonna steal from you because I can and have absolutely no remorse about it? I had a guy outright steal $32 grand from me. He’s done the same to DOZENS of others that I know of. He’s a fucking pig who thrives on violating people. Fuck him and every other fucking shitbag like him. I would take great pleasure knowing he was rotting in a fucking hole somewhere.

            What percentage of these people do you think are actually innocent CN? I don’t like cops and I don’t like bullshit laws either, but by god, that doesn’t mean I don’t like laws that put shitbags who violate the rights of others away or that I support actual criminals who harm innocent people. Huge fucking difference.

            1. I never met the perp, but I had a similar experience involving $15k. He did the same to THOUSANDS of others.

              His name was Jon Corzine, Obama’s chief cash bundler, former Goldman Sachs CEO, former NJ governor, former US senator, and a fucking shitbag.

              I eventually got most of money back, but it took several years. He’s still living the lifestyles of the rich and famous, though a bit more lowkey than before. Like you, I think people like this actually deserve to rot in some fucking hole somewhere.

  10. There’s a big difference between finding a joke about a given topic funny and being blase about the topic itself. Some jokes are certainly in worse taste than others, but just because a joke is about a subject that one person finds more personally offensive than someone else doesn’t mean that the joke shouldn’t be made.

    I love you and your purple hair, KMW, and I’m with you on your outrage over solitary confinement, but I think you’re being a little too sensitive to jokes about solitary confinement.

    1. I think it’s one thing for one of us, or the average citizen, to make a joke about solitary confinement, or even prison rape.

      It’s something else to find that in a gift shop. I’m not sure who funds the Crime Museum in D.C., but it’s like the prison system is trivializing the abuses of power that go on within it’s walls.

      1. I see where you are coming from. I’m guessing this is closer to the mark re: KMW’s intent.

  11. re: “Not to be a humorless jerk…”

    A bit late on the humorless part, but you’re not a jerk. 🙂

  12. Not sure I share the outrage over solitary confinement.

    Personally, if I ever ended up being sent to prison, I’d volunteer for solitary, for reasons that I probably don’t need to explain.

    1. Not up for participation in the gladiator sports of the rape cage?

      1. So just consent. As long as you are a male and by default part of rape culture, if you consent, you haven’t been raped. Instead, you’ve made love with another man.

  13. Whoa. now resolves to HuffingtonPost or DailyKos or some other site full of stodgy, knee-jerk anti-humorists.

  14. Let’s leave the humorless social justice scolding to the progs, shall we?

  15. I know someone who did a stint in prison. They spent a lot of time in “isolation”. He was a small guy and I think he was isolated mainly because he was being assaulted, sexually and otherwise, by the other prisoners. One benefit to solitary, it makes rape a little less likely. I say less likely as guards still have access.

  16. Meh. I am with KMW on this. This is the equivalent of sadistic cops sitting around joking about the people they have beaten the fuck out of, humiliated, and even killed while they all yuk it up. In fact, it is exactly that, only they think if they let us in on the ‘joke’ we will think it is funny too.

    It is not funny.

    1. Agreed.

      We’ve had stories here about police officers with various shirts that mock the rest of us proles. The “I’m gonna kick your ass and get away with it” types. That isn’t funny for the same reason this isn’t funny.

  17. I think it’s the source of the “joke” rather than the joke itself that’s the problem. Sure — I can laugh at a dead baby joke with the best of them, but if it’s on a tee shirt at the children’s hospital, that makes it a bit less funny.

    1. Yes, you and I can make holocaust jokes and it is funny. Hearing them from Joseph Mengele, not so much.

  18. Marine Le Pen takes poll lead in race for next French presidential election

    Alternate headline: This Won’t End Well

    Good news from France (if you hate the French).

    1. Socialism: So horrible, the crypto-fascist party is a better alternative!

      1. Heh. Funny you should say that. The Nazis detested the Soviets not only because they were their number one socialist competition, but also because of the horrors and poverty the soviet system promulgated.

        Yep, even the Nazis thought they were bad, and for good reason.

        Google ‘soviet paradise’ sometime. Interesting history there.

      2. Well, I can tell you this much: if I have to choose between voting for a crypto-fascist and an open-borders cosmotarian, I’ll take the crypto-fascist and never look back. Yes, my country may suck, but at least I’d still have one. Go French!

    2. I think this has to do with Muslim immigration more than anything else. The French are often anti-Semitic, but attacks on Jews, public cheering for Hamas, and periodic car-burning riots by “youths” is a bit too much, even for them.

    3. She may well win a plurality in the first election, but she’d then be in a run-off with Nicholas Sarkozy, who on this poll’s strength would come second. When her father also qualified for the runoff, despatching socialist Lionel Jospin and was facing Jacques Chirac – the left put up leaflets saying “Vote for the crook (Chirac), not the fascist (Le Pen)”. Chirac walked the run-off.

  19. So I was at the Dem Convention in Chicago in 96, and the FOP (or Chicago equivalent) was passing out tee shirts that said “We kicked your fathers’ asses in ’68, wait ’till you see what we do to you!”

  20. “I just spent 9 months in solitary!”

    “My Conception Wasn’t Consensual, Lol!”

    “If you can read this, get me outta this locked car!”

    “I started with a ‘flash’-bang, I don’t need another!”

    all i got.

    1. “Will polish monocles for food.”

  21. That gys sounds like a real jackass.

  22. Get a fucking sense of humor and save the stick-up-the-ass perpetual outrage for progressives and religious folks (but I repeat myself).

  23. Something tells me Katherine’s baby wrote this article.

  24. If a commie were to make a joke about Ukranians dying of starvation we’d be appalled. When some outfit dedicated to felating law enforcement jokes about solitary confinement it isn’t funny either. If someone unaffiliated with law enforcement made the same joke it wouldn’t be a big deal, but in this case, fuck those pricks.

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