Flashback: If Smoking Doesn't Kill You, Superman Will. For the Government.

These days, everyone knows that smoking doesn't do any favors for their health. Back in the '80s, not so much. Over the years, government busybodies have adopted some questionable tactics to pressure people to kick the habit. Sometimes-humorous-sometimes-serious site Cracked just dug up a real gem on this front: the British government once aired a PSA warning kids that if the tobacco didn't kill them, Superman would.
From Cracked:
In one of the TV ads, Superman faces off against a new villain: Nick O'Teen, a presumably Irish rogue bent on getting kids hooked on cigarettes, which really doesn't seem so bad in the grand scheme of villainy.
Superman arrives to apprehend the villain (and we're using the term loosely, seeing as he's committing a misdemeanor at most), then takes him to the authorities and makes sure he gets the mental help he needs – or that's what would happen if Superman could be bothered to fill out the paperwork. He can't, so instead he just throws the guy into orbit.
If the shock didn't kill Nick O'Teen, something tells us the fall probably did. Lex Luthor gets a slap on the wrist for plotting to destroy the Earth, but if you try to give cigarettes to kids (for free!), then it's a terrifying death for you. …
Superman doesn't even stop to consider the circumstances that might have led Nick O'Teen to peddle cigarettes before murdering him.
Watch the video here. We can laugh it off as a weird, old piece of nanny-state propaganda, but it's got an eerie resonance this month with the death of Eric Garner. The 46-year-old father of six was allegedly selling black market cigarettes, so cops choked and killed him. When it happens in real life, it sure doesn't sound as cool or as black-and-white as some superhero chucking some baddy-bad to his death.
Bonus: Read Reason's coverage of the time a Cracked writer got interrogated by the Secret Service for a joke article.
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If somebody doesn't grab "Nick O'Teen" for a handle, I will be disappoint.
I would, but now I'm afraid that if I do that Superman will come kill me. Or maybe a SWAT team will do it for him.
Done.
Would you like to book a holiday or would you like to go upstairs ?
What a silly bunt!
I think Superman's intense X-ray vision is doing as much harm to those kids' lungs as the smokes.
Superman doesn't kill people. He has an oath and stuff. Except for sometimes when they decide that he does kill people.
I thought that was Batman.
No, he swore an oath to never kill. They've probably retconned that all over the place.
Well, except for women he blows into a parabolic trajectory out of the solar system during the involuntary paroxysms of love. Or so explains Larry Niven.
My grandfather was born in the late 1800's, and grew up farming with horses. That is, long before an health studies or surgeon general warnings. Yet he never smoked because, and I quote, "it just can't be good for you".
Pretty sure everyone has always known it was bad for you, but a few centuries ago people died before the chronic effects would matter, in most cases.
Back in the '80s, not so much.
wtf?
As Cracked (of all places!) has pointed out before, Superman has always been a Progressive douchebag. Superman once destroyed the infrastructure of Metropolis, all privately-owned automobiles, and a car factory...all because he felt traffic laws weren't being enforced to his satisfaction.
How can Superman not be a progressive? He's literally a TOP MAN.
I always found Superman to be boring as shit. Too powerful. Besides I like Lex Luthor more than I like Superman.
Remember, Superman was originally conceived of as a villain. They eventually developed the idea more fully in DC's Tangent imprint, which is exactly how the Superman story would play out in reality. The Justice Lords version of Superman also counts.
See also: The Homelander.
Those fuckin' Irish will kill you. Nick O'Teen, Tam O'Shanter, Piles O'Problems, Heap O'Trouble. Goddamn Micks. They all suck.
Fuckin' Irish.
Fillet O'Fish
Tub O'Chicken
Plate O'Shrimp.
Paddy O' Furniture
... Hobbit
Barry O'Bama
Remember kids: only smoke taxed-to-the-hilt cigarettes. For America!
Holy shit reason is using animated gifs now? Is this part of the whole appeal to millenials thing? Will it replace alt-text? Is Zenon responsible?
*cackles*
It's incredibly annoying. It also has the potential to get your ass sued by someone with flash-induced epilepsy who happens to follow HyR.
See, Zenon, they're already telling you to get off the damn lawn. Add to that Auric going after your ass because of the alt-text and the inevitable whinging about page-loading-times and you'll soon be cackling along with Lu- I mean, with other H&R alumnae...
It's not that Superman WANTS to kill Nick, it's that if he doesn't throw him into space his secondhand smoke will harm the children! Why do you hate the children?!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-ddBoeherY
So Superman "never say[s] yest to a cigarette"? Why the hell not? Isn't he invulnerable to everything but kryptonite? He could smoke cigs, shoot heroin (assuming he could find a hypodermic made out of metal from Krypton, so it could puncture his Kryptonian skin), guzzle gallons of moonshine, and eat transfats like they were going out of style (which, of course, they are) without ill effect.
That's "yes to a cigarette."
Wasn't Nick O'Teen a villain in a very old Porky Pig cartoon?