Criminal Justice

Man Arrested for Passive Aggressive Watermelon Stabbing

The war on passive aggression and watermelon cruelty is alive in Thomaston, Connecticut.


Nikola Markovi?/Flickr

Tales from the police state are often horrifying, sad, and haunting. Today in "criminal justice" inanity, I submit a story with less gravitas but a heightened level of absurdity. It seems a Connecticut man has been arrested for passive-aggressively stabbing a watermelon

After his wife showed cops photographic evidence of the victimized fruit,  Carmine Cervellino, 49, was charged with second-degree threatening and disorderly conduct, according to The Register Citizen. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Cervellino and wife are getting a divorce.

The watermelon incident took place July 4, after the wife showed up at police headquarters to report finding pot and a mysterious blue pill in her husband's toolbox. From The Register Citizen

She snatched them up, took pictures with a cell phone camera and stowed them away in her room. Later, when the woman returned home, she found the drugs missing, she claims, but she showed police the photos. Cervillino is not facing any drug charges.

The drug war may wane, but the war on watermelon cruelty is only beginning.  

After the cops left, Cervellino allegedly came inside and began menacingly cutting a watermelon. His wife snapped photos with her phone as he sliced the pieces of the fruit in a "threatening" way, then headed back to police headquarters. 

Cervellino was arrested on July 12; he's now free, after posting a $500 bond. The case was referred to a Family Services officer and Cervellino due back in court at the end of August. 

h/t Mat Vaillancourt