Police

Teen Charged With Felony for Toilet Papering School Bathroom

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daquellamanera/Flickr

At least once a summer growing up, I went on a toilet-papering spree. I was far from some sort of hooligan (at least not yet)—these were adult-sanctioned outings, generally undertaken by one group of aunts and cousins against another group of aunts and cousins. We would wait until after dark, creep on to our target's front lawn, and gleefully wrap rolls of paper around trees and bushes and mailboxes. The point is, my mom and relatives saw toilet papering for what it was: a harmless prank. 

Of course, we could also twirl our pencils menacingly in class and bring sunscreen on class field trips then. Those were different times. In these times, a harmless prank like toilet papering could get you a felony record, as one 15-year-old in Pittsburgh is finding out.

The unnamed teen is clearly an idiot: Not only did he film himself toilet papering the bathroom at a local elementary school, he posted the "Toilet Paper Madness" video—in which he can be both heard and seen—publicly to YouTube. He also seems like kind of a jerk. 

But teen boys can be jerks. Most grow out of it. Maybe after being suspened for 10 days—which he was, in April—our teen toilet paper vandal would have thought twice before doing it again. Or maybe not. Who knows? But one of the most surefire ways to ensure a wayward/jerk kid doesn't grow out of it is to saddle that kid with a criminal record, and that's what this teen is now facing.

After school officials identified him in the YouTube video through his voice and shoes, "the police got involved," CBS Pittsburgh reports. The teen admitted everything. Now he's been charged with felony vandalism, criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct.

"Senseless act," Lt. Thomas Kolencik told CBS about the toilet papering. Sure. But more senseless than charging an already-disciplined teen with a felony for clogging school toilets? 

NEXT: Uncle Sam Wants More Young Folks to Work for "Totally Hip" Bureaucracies

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  1. Ah yes, someday, Pittsburgers will sit around recounting the “Toilet Paper Massacre of 2014”.

    “Those were dark times. Time of fear and privation. A low point for Yinzers…who live lives of low points…”

    1. Was that what led to them making the high capacity toilet paper rollers illegal?

  2. Obesity porn and saran wrap: now that’s how you do temporary vandalism. TP’s for chorus nerds and soccer players.

    1. Obesity porn and saran wrap

      Sounds intriguing, can you explain?

      1. 1. Go to local porn shop and buy several issues of porn mags featuring the fattest people possible.

        2. Acquire massive amounts of plastic wrap. It helps if your buddy’s parent works at a warehouse and has pallets of it just lying around.

        3. Put the disturbing images all over your target’s car. Hot days are preferred.

        4. Wrap the car in plastic wrap so the pictures don’t go anywhere and passersby can gawk at them.

        5. Laugh hysterically when confronted.

  3. Wow, I TPed my headmaster’s house in high school.

  4. if you can get enough laws making everything a felony then soon enough everyone will be a felon which means you can’t own a gun simple way of eliminating guns from society of course then no one gets to vote either. No votes means whoever is in office gets to stay there and then you have a dictator ship.

    1. Now you’re catching on!

    2. So because you can’t own a gun means they will be eliminated from society?

  5. That local snooz story is a fucking travesty. Don’t journalism schools teach people how to write?

    What are the potential sentencing ranges of each of those charges? What sentence is he likely to actually get since he’s a minor? Will he be charged as an adult? Is this just a stupid fucking stunt by the PD trying to throw its weight around to intimidate a 15-year old punk? And what the fuck was a middle schooler doing at an elementary school in the first place?

    You sure wouldn’t know by reading that floating turd of a news account.

  6. The real travesty is vertical video. Consider me triggered.

    1. No kidding. I get that holding your phone in the landscape position is a hassle, but the alternative is to confirm to the internet that you are retarded.

      Is there some reason that video app developers don’t just default the output to landscape no matter what way you hold the phone?

      1. The newest iteration of the Camera App for Android nags you to rotate your camera if you try to shoot vertical video.

        Apple can stay relevant by sending current through the hand of anyone who tries to take vertical video. It’s time we used simple conditioning tactics to better humanity.

        1. I’m not convinced that the iPhone’s battery life would support a feature like that.

          1. Having your battery die would be part of the conditioning. Think of it as a phone time-out.

        2. Unfortunately, it is not really the camera app for Android; it is Google’s closed source camera app.

          Unlike Android’s default, open source camera app, manufacturers can’t modify it.

          While it likely will be (is?) shipped with Nexus and Google Play Edition devices, it remains to be seen which, if any, major manufacturers will adopt it. Motorola is the most likely, depending on the direction Lenovo takes it when the acquisition is complete; the likes of HTC, Samsung, and LG are very unlikely to abandon the cameras they have developed over the years, though.

          1. I was finally able to get the 4.4.2 update on my VMobile S3, so Google Camera is available in the Play Store. Haven’t had a chance to toy around with it yet.

      2. ” the alternative is to confirm to the internet that you are retarded”

        TRIGGER WANRING = Ableist oppressiong is a hallmark of typical Kochsucking glibertarian shills for BIG QUILTED NORTHERN; also, teddy roosevelt, and George Soros.

  7. Now he’s been charged with felony vandalism, criminal mischief, and disorderly conduct.

    Here’s the felony criminal mischief statute:

    The offense will be charged as a 3rd degree felony if the damage committed to property is valued at more than $5,000 or if the act causes a substantial interruption or impairment of any public utility, communication system, public transportation, or other public service.

    3rd degree felony charges carry a potential sentence of up to 7 years in prison and fines.

    And the “institutional vandalism” statute:

    An offense under this section is a felony of the third degree if the act is one of desecration as defined in section 5509 or if the actor causes pecuniary loss in excess of $5,000. Pecuniary loss includes the cost of repair or replacement of the property affected. Otherwise, institutional vandalism is a misdemeanor of the second degree.

    I’m not seeing it. There’s no “substantial interruption”, and no way is there $5K in property damage.

    1. He clogged a toilet, Dean-o. How is that not a substantial impairment of a public utility? Tjhe law is teh law, and this no-goodnik should be punished and severely.

    2. no way is there $5K in property damage.

      Do you know how many hours of overtime the janitor billed to clean up the mess? It may have been much more than $5K.

    3. You’re a lawyer, you know damn well this, and just about any statute, can be interpreted any damn way the prosecutor pleases.

  8. Is our children learning?

    1. No. They’re not.

      http://eagnews.org/prom-slogan…..-failures/

      1. Or as they’d write it in Chicago: know, there knot.

  9. The justice system and associated institution is going bonko’s and aggressive when little people without connections do some mischievous crime which means they get the book thrown at them. They get charged with a felony. However if the kid has parents with connections to police, politicos, school officials, etc, be assured he’d receive a get out of jail and nothing on the record card, just as the typically happens with those of means. It is the double standard of justice and prosecution that is undermining and destroying Americans trust in government, and that needs to be ended.

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