The Onion Satirizes Police Brutality
The satirical newspaper The Onion took a crack at police brutality with a story headlined "New Law Enforcement Robot Can Wield Excessive Force Of 5 Human Officers." A handful of the new robots can do the work of a whole precinct:
The tactical robotic units, known as the AP-12, are reportedly equipped with on-board mechanisms to target both criminals and innocent bystanders, and possess a variety of retractable instruments that allow them to effortlessly subdue and restrain up to four individuals at once. According to sources, just a dozen of the new robots will be able to collectively carry out the physical and psychological abuse typically spread out amongst the officers of an entire precinct.
The robo-cop's got furtive movements down:
"In many ways, these robots' actions are indistinguishable from those of our brave men and women in uniform," McClintock added.
According to its designers, the AP-12 is outfitted with numerous features that make it ideal for abruptly resorting to extreme measures, including a highly sensitive motion detector that perceives most gestures as an act of resistance necessitating physical force.
And panic firing:
Engineers say the robot is also equipped with a sophisticated audio command program that recognizes and subsequently ignores such phrases as "Stop" and "I give up" and is programmed to apply pressure to a prostrate suspect's neck with a force of up to 500 PSI both before and after he's stopped moving. Its operating system is also reportedly loaded with advanced visual recognition software that allows the robot to identify nearly any object in the subject's hand as a weapon, prompting it to rapidly empty the clip on its extendable .40-caliber firearm.
And for those good cops worried about bad apples, the robot cop won't let itself be made out into one:
After doing so, the machine is configured to automatically place a pistol on or near the disabled suspect while wirelessly corroborating fabricated details of the confrontation with any other on-scene units well ahead of a potential internal affairs investigation.
Read about the rest of the features here, and Reason on the actual incidences of police brutality that make this the best kind of satire, believable, here.
h/t Jason J.
