The Independents

Tonight on The Independents: Government Employees Gone Wild, Ukraine on the Brink, Charlemagne the God, Spanking, Michael Jordan's Alleged Racism, and TV's Andy Levy!


Tonight's episode of The Independents (Fox Business Network, 9 p.m. ET, 6 p.m. PT) starts with a discussion of the Environmental Protection Agency's oversight of, um, its own employees, including that dude who surfed porn all day, and that other one who drew a paycheck for two-plus years while not working and pretending he was off gallivanting with the CIA. Joining to discuss are Jehmu Greene and TV's Andy Levy, who will also weigh in on the advisability of news organizations being allowed to fly surveillance drones.

Then Michael Weiss of The Interpreter reports on the latest from Ukraine, the co-hosts discuss the relative merits of spanking and banning spanking; then hip-hop DJ Charlamagne tha God comes on to preview our special Friday show, "If I Ruled the World….," by explaining what he'd do in power and how his professional name is linked with dealing crack. Andy Levy and Charlamagne then discuss Michael Jordan's alleged teenage racism, and before you know it the co-hosts are back talking about teen pregnancy and abortion rates, and we're outta here!

Follow The Independents on Facebook at; follow on Twitter @ independentsFBN, (Tweet out during the show and we might use your wit). Click on this page for more video of past segments.

NEXT: It's Not Too Late to RSVP! Celebrate 'Video Game Nation' at Reason in L.A. Tomorrow

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  1. Well, I’m going on Facebook to vote about something.

  2. WTF is this? Another breach of protocol? It’s only 7:30pm!

    1. Yeah, it’s going to be nothing but idiots commenting before the show even starts.

      1. Wearing your Rick Kehoe jersey tonight?

        1. They can now sit back and coast to the end of the game.

          1. The Rangers offense is anemic. Lacks iron.

            Watch them score five after this comment.

            1. Well it wasn’t a goal but quite a sustained attack. They must have heard your critique.

    2. Let it go, Hyperion. I’ve been bitching and whining about this for two weeks or something now.

      The TI posting are about as consistent as progressives and their various stances on issues.

      1. I guess it’s sort of like asking for an edit feature.

        1. I’d rape a Koch brother for one of those.

  3. Spanking…

    Giving or receiving?

    1. Maybe Kennedy will talk about spanking.

      1. I have no doubt she will. It will be worth watching the entire show just for that.

    2. I’m a taker; thanks for asking.

  4. “…government employees gone wild…”

    So…Schumer drunk on a beach and flashing his moobs? Oh God, just typing that makes me gag.

    1. You took me from spanking with Kennedy all the way down, and it’s quite a ways, to Chuk Shoomer’s mOObs. Thanks a lot.

      1. Hasn’t H&R always been about a race to the bottom?

        1. Why does it always seem to be such a short race?

          1. But to be factual, “all the way down” would be “spanking to Shoomer’s moobs”.

            1. *facepalm*

        2. Race to the bottom of the glass maybe?

        3. Are sure you don’t want to edit that to “about race and bottoms?”

          1. Or, “about rape and bottoms?”

          2. I intentionally left those dangling.

  5. The Derponomicon is progressing well. In another week or so, I should have all the source material. The annotations will take a bit longer. Hopefully I will finish it with my sanity intact.

    1. This. You are chasing me into her warm, loving arms.

      Actually, I love your posts. Keep it coming.

      1. Yes, that’s a good whiskey. I feel like a cowboy when I’m drinking it.

        1. You and your Brokeback Mountain fantasies.


          1. I told you that in confidence!

            1. Oh, I thought you said “in conference”!

      2. On another whiskey site, I clicked that I was below 21 just to see what would happen. I was redirected to an astronomy page for kids.

  6. Since my prog nemesis has been shirking, I suppose I will have to settle for this crumb of derp:

    The article in question.

    Him: Well if Money Python is your barometer…..Christians in THIS COUNTRY, TODAY, NOW, IN THIS VERY SPACE AND TIME flip the fuck out over SCIENCE PROGRAMS on television. Like now. Today. Right this moment. Christians are angry that Neil Degrasse Tyson is talking about evolution and the true age of the universe on a television show.

    Me: Are seriously equating whining from creationist Christians to a long-standing death threat from the leader of a nation of 70 million?

    Him: It’s not whining when they effect laws and policy and insight their insane followers to murder abortion doctors and brown people. Christian extremists are the greatest threat to our nation.

    1. “…insight their insane followers…”


      1. English is his second language. His mother tongue is Crapenese.

    2. “Christian extremists are the greatest threat to our nation.”

      Dafuq? I agreee that many (not all) of them may be a bit looney but a threat to the nation? Gimmie a break.

      1. I don’t know what alternate universe progressives live in. They are constantly assuring me that we are on the verge of some kind of Christian theocracy, even as the Social Conservative right dies slowly.

        We’re the least socially conservative we’ve been in this nation’s history.

        1. Not according to our local sock puppets or the NYT/Stewart show gang.

          We are living in the era of THE AMERICAN TALIBAN?.

      2. “Dafuq? I agreee that many (not all) of them may be a bit looney but a threat to the nation? Gimmie a break.”

        Hey! One threatened not to pray for me the other day!

    3. It’s not whining when they effect laws and policy and insight their insane followers to murder abortion doctors and brown people

      You should have said, ‘I think the greatest threat to brown people is actually Captain Murder Drone.’

    4. Him: It’s not whining when they effect laws and policy and insight their insane followers to murder abortion doctors and brown people.

      Oh yes. The ever-present left-wing claim that black and brown people are being murdered in the streets by White Christians.

      It makes them feel good, so it must be true.

      1. It is amazing how many otherwise sane people think that Christians are scary fanatics, but Muslims, well, most of them are fine! Don’t be Islamophobic!

        Sort of like how Trayvon Martin proves that white racism is deadly and everywhere, but all those white victims of the Knockout Game are not indicative of any sort of trend.

      2. You have had the occasional instance or terrorist attacks by white supremacists (e.g. Sikh temple shooting) but it’s more than a stretch to make that out to be some everyday occurrence that represents the greatest threat to the country, or to accuse Christians as a group of inciting these murders. Many radical violent white supremacists aren’t even Christian. IIRC, the Holocaust Museum shooter wasn’t.

  7. Angela Davis returns to UCLA, just as vapid today as ever

    Is democracy a good chassis on which to build a political system?

    I believe profoundly in the possibilities of democracy, but democracy needs to be emancipated from capitalism. As long as we inhabit a capitalist democracy, a future of racial equality, gender equality, economic equality will elude us.

    You ran for vice president on the Communist Party ticket in 1980 and 1984; was that about faith in the democratic process?

    It was about suggesting that there are alternatives…the ’80s [saw] the rise of the globalization of capital, the prison-industrial complex, and it was important to provide some alternative political analyses.

    What’s your thinking on communism now?

    I still have a relationship, [but] I’m not a member. I left the party because I didn’t feel it was open to the kind of democratization that we needed. I still believe that capitalism is the most dangerous kind of future we can imagine.

    Why did communism fail where it did?

    That would require a long conversation. There may have been economic democracy, which we lack in the West, but without political and social democracy, it just doesn’t work. I don’t think we should throw the baby out with the bathwater; it would be important to look at what really worked and what didn’t.

    Like no free speech?


    1. What a terrible person.

      1. Hey man, communism was great! We just need to try it again and simply avoid repeating the Gulags and the totalitarian suppression of religion, conscience, and speech.

        You wouldn’t want to “toss the baby out with the bathwater” in our quest for equality, would you?

        1. It endlessly fascinating how they fail to realize that the gulags and the secret police are what made communism “work”.

          Take away the carrot, and only the stick is left.

          1. Well, to be fair.. it’s only been tried on around ~2/3 of world, at the expense of about 80 million dead… but none of them were doing it right, so it wasn’t “true communism”…

        2. “We just need to try it again and simply avoid repeating the Gulags…”

          If you do the same thing over and over you get the same results over and over. Reading what that woman has to say convinces me beyond doubt that Einstein was correct. ( Previously, there was no doubt)

          1. Yeah, but Einstein was a socialist, so I take his opinions outside of physics with a few grains of salt.

            Sutor, ne ultra crepidam

            1. Einstein had the fatal conceit, which is more understandable when you’re Einstein.

              But he earnestly believed that the rigors of science could be applied to economics now that John Maynard Keynes has written his General Theory that explained everything. Supposedly Keynes picked the title as a direct allusion to Einstein’s general theory.

              1. I already have a General Theory of Derp. Someday, I hope to complete my Grand Unified Derp Theory.

            2. Heh.

              “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.”- origin unimportant

              I was referring to that to point out delicately that the bitch is nuts.

        3. Where do you get this “avoid repeating the Gulags” bit? I’ve heard a more than a few reference exactly that same concept as what they want to do with gun owners.

          1. And Climate Change deniers, and the Kochs, and…

          2. Oh, but those are kulaks, not people. As long as we don’t put people in the camps, it’s A-OK.

    2. So how long did it take her to figure out that communism wasn’t “open to democratization”? That’s kind of like quitting PETA because they aren’t open to your shoot-it-yourself pig farm.

    1. Saw him in an airport once. He had one bad-ass lookin bodyguard, who I wouldn’t even consider fucking with at anything under 50 yards.

  8. There was also this exchange:

    Him: Just ask Matthew Sheperd, Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, Harvey Milk, those people in the Sikh Temple in Milwaukee, the the Holocaust Museum or the Jewish center in Kansas City the other day, or a native american….

    Me: Sheppard was murdered because a drug deal went bad. MLK was killed by a white supremacist. Malcolm X was killed by rivals in the Nation of Islam. Harvey Milk was killed by a political rival. Page and the other guy killed out of hate. But even if they had been motivated by Christianity:

    1. The Malcolm X one is particularly hilarious given that he just got through claiming Christians are a greater threat than fundamentalist Islam.

      That explains why Malcolm X was murdered by men with totally white bread, Christian names like Muhammad Abdul Aziz..

      1. I was tempted to invoke 9/11, but it seemed too easy.

      2. Yeah but Aziz’s original white name was Butler.

        1. So you’re saying the Butler did it?

          1. Always..

        2. SLAVE name, get it right.

    2. Your friend is actually a very reality based guy. You just aren’t aware of the danger you are in from the roving gangs of Christian Jihadists in your area. They’re out there, man! And if you’ve ever said that the earth is over 6000 years old, they’re going to get you!

      1. The sad thing is he actually uses the phrase “reality-based”.

    3. The Matthew Shepard drug theory isn’t a proven fact. I’m not saying it’s not possible that it’s true, but it’s certainly not as ironclad as you’re implying. The rest of your post is valid (I’m unsure if Ray or Page’s white supremacy was at least partially-motivated by Christianity, but regardless, your point stands), and this guy’s derp level seems to be increasing exponentially.

  9. Sorry…

    …whats the other livestream link? My cable providers thing was so laggy the last few days I need to try something else.

      1. Or…that won’t worry. Sorry!

        1. WORK. GOOD LORD.

          1. She’s coming out of a nap, everyone.

            1. Coming out of a NAP sounds like a libertarian porn movie.

                1. Would there be a plot?

                  Given that libertarians are all about efficiency, I doubt there’d be a script.

              1. A libertarian porno would just be two libertarians trying to get themselves off while avoiding expending unnecessary energy on their partner.

                1. That sounds very close to how my date with an objectivist went.

                  There was not a second date.

                  1. There was not a second date.

                    Is there ever?

                    1. Is there ever?

                      Sure. Unless chemistry is unsalvageable I usually go for about 3 dates to assess a potential dating partner.

                      I actually had an anonymous hookup turn into one of the better relationships I’ve had until he had to move away for work and it became unworkable.

                    2. historically relationships were picked by the parents for the children to benefit the family.

                      then, more recently, people courted until they were wed.

                      now, people hookup and decide based on that if they want to get in a relationship or even married.

                      what a world we live in.

                    3. then, more recently, people courted until they were wed.

                      I’ve always liked the sound of that. Less pressure and uncertainty. That’s the one part of ‘Pride & Prejudice’ I found fascinating.

                      Are you listening, kibby?

                    4. Did I imply I had a problem with that?

                    5. Meant as a suggestion and not a accusation that you have a problem with it.

                      Lots of marriages were arranged across distances back in olden days.

                    6. Sure. Unless chemistry is unsalvageable I usually go for about 3 dates to assess a potential dating partner.

                      Booo don’t ruin my hilarious jokes with serious answers.

                      You’re better than that.

      2. That’s the best post I’ve read all day!

        1. Clearly I should just go straight back to bed.

  10. Prediction: Pre-recorded.

    1. Monday, Tuesday live. Wed and Fri recorded. Probably on Tues afternoon and Wed am. I’m surprised you haven’t realized that by now.

  11. Are they getting help from North Korea?


    1. Can you imagine if America had the lowest labor force participation rate in 40 years, unemployment over 6.5% for 5 years straight, and rampant income inequality and a Republican presidents excuse was ‘The Dow is at an all time high?’

      Progressives would burn him in effigy.

      1. The part about the Dow is perplexing. How many OFA volunteers own stock?

        1. In a market index that has a lifetime average annual growth rate of 5.2%, shouldn’t we be at all-time highs pretty much always?

          If it’s not growing, like the last 14 years, things are fucked up.

      2. Dude, they are desperate to believe. They are never going to stop believing, so the farther and farther their beliefs diverge from reality, the wilder and crazier their rationalizations will get.

        It is fun to watch.

        1. “It is fun to watch.”

          If only we didn’t have to live it at the same time.

      3. I’ve seen Mr. Buttplug make the “but the Dow is doing great” argument around here.

  12. What’s wrong with watchin porn?

  13. Kmele goes Les Nessman.


    1. Kmele goes Nation of Islam.

  14. Kink-shaming!

    1. Kennedy is wearing the Starfleet uniform from Star Trek: The Motion Picture, so she’s Kirk-shaming.

      1. Wasn’t kibby going to end you over your pun use?

        Can she maybe get on that?

        1. There’s only so much one can threaten from a distance, sorry. I’ve done all I can!

          1. You can’t silence the Puns of the Navorone!

            1. Kibby, I can end him as a proxy for you tomorrow evening. Jus’ sayin’.

              1. But I haven’t gotten any fun out of him yet! No fair! You do have my permission to give him a sound thrashing if he starts making awful jokes.

                1. I’m more a poisoner. I guess I could give him a mild case of some kind of toxicity.

                  Watch your drink, Serious*

                  *not a threat to roofie you.

          2. Huh? Never heard of drones?

            1. Look, you guys: if you can afford to buy me a drone so I can end our collective misery from the comfort of my desk chair, you can afford to send him here so I can at least get some enjoyment out of the situation before going all Bolton on him.

              1. Umm, didn’t Playa put forward a solution on this?

                  1. ??


                    1. I think we’d be content with just a plane ticket to Tucson or Phoenix.

                    2. I’ll keep an eye on flight deals but you should really take the train. I can get you there for $115 round trip. LAXTUC get there early Saturday morning, be home by 6am Monday.

              2. before going all Bolton on him.
                reply to this

                I’ll demand a trial by combat first.

                1. We don’t recognize your petty laws of custom at the Dreadfort.

                  1. Then I’ll pray to the Lord of Light that he might smite you. I think jesse is the bastard son of a king, I’ll just get the blood from him.

                    1. I think jesse is the bastard son of a king,

                      My birth father was adopted, so…maybe?

                2. I’ll demand a trial by combat first.

                  You know she’s going to choose Warty as her champion and you’ll end up being raped to death, no?

                  1. And then she’ll make the little man fly.

                3. Sure. Considering *we’ll* be using a drone for the combat part, its all good.

      2. “Kennedy is wearing the Starfleet uniform from Star Trek: The Motion Picture, so she’s Kirk-shaming.”

        Mmm. I could have used that one.

  15. Could be worse. You could be a congressman.

  16. Isolated incident!

  17. They should be fired, but they won’t be.

  18. EPA saves people with asthma.

    Got it.

  19. The EPA has reduced cancer rates?

  20. The EPA keeps her alive…

    Do they really believe this shit?

    1. Yes.

      Yes they do.

  21. The EPA keeps her alive?

    ? Praise govt from which all blessings flow!

  22. Ron Burgundy drones.

  23. From the comments on an Instapundit post about Harry Reid attacking the Koch Brothers:

    Dark Chicago
    I don’t understand. Libertarians know that conservatives are just as bad as liberals. Why us it that liberals are the ones trying to destroy them?
    2 hours ago Like (1) Link To Comment

    Paradigm Lost
    It’s who they are, it’s what they do.
    2 hours ago Like (1) Link To Comment

    Dark Chicago
    They being Libertardians.
    1 hour ago Like (0) Link To Comment


    I like that we’re secret SoCons according to Bo, but we’re vile heathens who aid the progressives when you ask actual SoCons.

    1. We are truly a confused people.

    2. The progs hate us 1000x more than they hate the SoCons.

      The SoCons don’t like us, and can’t quite figure us out, but I don’t think it’s hate, at least not from most of them.

      1. We are an anathema to the proggys. You know, being non-herd animals who love freedom, responsibility, accountability, individualism and private property rights.

        Of course they hate us. We are their Satan.

        1. Who the fuck is ‘we’, kemosabe?!

      2. From my experience, SoCons think of libertarians as impractical dreamers. They view us as naive because “that’s not how the real world works.”

    3. What I tell proggies is that the way libertarians talk about liberty makes the way Democrats talk about liberty look like the sham it is. We actually mean it. They just want to write it on a plaque.

    4. Bo doesn’t accuse libertarians, or everyone here, of being SoCons. He argues that some posters here are SoCons (some admittedly, others secretly) or overly-sympathetic to SoCons. If you take the word “some” literally, that’s true, but Bo goes to absurd lengths to make it seem like half of the posters here are SoCon infiltrators, and has a habit of contorting the words of other posters to make it seem like they’re defending SoCons or being a SoCon when they’re doing nothing of the sort.

      1. Occums razors says the simplest explanation is the best.

        Bo is defending Obama.


  25. Drones. I’m thinking a goose gun, like a 10 gauge with a monster long barrel, like 30″. What kind of shot? Maybe 00.

    … Hobbit

    1. Definitely a goose gun, but goose shot would be more effective than 00. Maybe some of the expensive tungsten stuff.

      1. Looks like the next accessory to the deck!

        (Hint to NSA: Just kidding)

        … Hobbit

      2. Geeesh. I shoot aereal targets with a rifle all the time. golf balls with my mini-14 and carpenter bees in flight with my red ryder bb gun.

        I don’t need no stinkin’ shotgun. But if I did I do have one of these

        1. I like mine but the 20 round drums can sometimes ride over the release catch.

          I like my MKA-1919 a bit more for the more secure magazine set up.

        2. WANT.

  26. I can’t watch tonight, I’m working. I haz a sad.

    1. Spanking underage persons! Not what you think.

  27. THEN WHAT’S YOUR SOLUTION TO STOP SPANKING, WELCH? When will libertarians offer a solution to the spanking problem?

    1. The only problem is that we don’t spank harder and more frequently. The Russians do it. I’m sure those A-rabs and Chinamen do it.

      We cannot allow a spanking gap!

    2. What about a good ol hickory switch? It worked when I was a kid.

  28. Beatings, when properly done, are effective.

    #1 rule – never hit angry.

    1. I was 12 years older than my brother and my parents were busy so I played an odd third parent role for large chunks of his childhood. I found the single greatest difference between his behavior around me and his behavior around my parents was that I clearly laid out punishments and followed through. I swatted him once after telling him that’s what I’d do if he came out of his room again when he was young and after that it generally took me raising my eyebrows and he’d behave.

      1. Any type of consistent discipline will work on a typical kid.

        I used time-outs and my kids responded very much like your brother.

        The success comes from very clear expectations and limits and then complete follow through – whatever tool is used.

        1. That’s generally my take too. I would’ve handled things differently could I do it again, but remaining consistent with him ended up making his and my relationship much better than the relationship with he and my parents.

  29. That’s what’s wrong with America. Nobody beats their kids anymore.

    1. What’s the libertarian position on aggressive burping?

      1. 6 year olds still need to be aggressively burped, right?

  30. And it would be even lower on the list if Republicans would pay for birth control!

  31. I’m getting a little tired of seeing Scandinavian countries + plus Finland hog the top spots.

    1. The various development metrics are just a measure of how closely a country resembles Norway. They invariable include a lot of subjective bunk instead of relative immigration rates.

    2. The various development metrics are just a measure of how closely a country resembles Norway. They invariable include a lot of subjective bunk instead of relative immigration rates.

      1. Apparently the squirrels smite those who dare besmirch Norway.

        1. Norway has only about 5 million people with almost no immigrants and huge oil revenue. It’s easy to manage.

          Btw: Their cab drivers speak better English than most Americans.

  32. From the thread above this one:

    Tman|5.7.14 @ 9:15PM|#|?|filternamelinkcustom

    House Votes to Hold Former IRS Official Lois Lerner in Contempt


    Or is it six? Who knows.

    Remember Solyndra? Good times.

    BTW, 6 dems joined the GOP in the vote.

  33. When you have kids it gives you a new source of power… as you can spank them at will.

    1. But it limits the times and locations you can spank “it”. Overall a net loss of power.

      1. Had you stuck to that, you wouldn’t have kids in the first place. It’s a catch-22!

  34. Founders Porter. Excellent!!

    1. The one with the old timey lady on it?
      I remember being able to buy that in Chicago.

      That reminds me I should upload a picture of my beer monument to my blog. I didn’t have enough room in my car to take my alky trophies with me.

      1. Yes. “Dark, rich & sexy.”

        1. I recommend Revolution Eugene porter. Might have trouble finding it this time of year. Black Butte porter is OK.

          1. I found Black Butte Porter to be thin with a bad aftertaste. I prefer slightly sweet, smooth with, coffee or chocolate overtones. And not too high alcohol – it detracts from the richness.

          2. Tasting my first Shake Chocolate Porter. Maybe a bit too much flavoring.

          3. I recommend Revolution Eugene porter. Might have trouble finding it this time of year. Black Butte porter is OK.

            Named after Eugene Debs. I’m still trying to figure out if Revolution is actually run by Communists or if that’s just their schtick.

            I maintain that Two Brothers is a better Chicagoland brewery than Revolution. Nightcat and Bitter End are both great.

            1. Two Brothers French Country Ale is good.

              1. Good?! To quote a famous animated felne “Its Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!”

  35. Matt, it’s been my experience talking to clients )and people who set up businesses here in Montreal) from France this is the case. As one client of mine told me, he “escaped” France. “C’est l’enfer” he said.

    1. Hell is other French people.

      1. +1 No Exit

  36. The Independents Attire Review, 7 May 2014

    – Kennedy: Turtleneck? WTF. Is Matt going to do spoken-word Jazz while Kmele smokes cigarettes and nods? Something feels both out of season and out of theme. But, Oh! Look = its short sleeved? I don’t even know what to call this shit. Comfy? But not the sexiest.

    – Matt: This may not be a ‘new tie’ (I have a vague memory of it)… but there’s likely a reason we rarely see it. It doesn’t conform to any major “school of tie” I know of (stripes being in the English, regimental left-to-right direction, and the stripes themselves some kind of variation on either McKinley or Tonal-stripes; yes, I actually had to look this shit up). For what it is? It succeeds-by-not-failing. As a follow up to last nights’ “Second Best” getup, we’re underwhelmed with this rehash.

    – Kmele: Can a black guy wear a bow-tie *without* evoking the Nation of Islam – OR – Erkel? I guess so: kids these days are so bloody uninformed that I’m probably showing my age with this AND the turtleneck reaction. Do we like it – completely on its own terms? Its a ‘statement’ thing, and I have to give Kmele points for bringing something new and refreshing every day. I’d probably quit this shtick were it not for his self-assured Dapness. Does he make it look *studly*? Look, sometimes Jesus just turned Water into Kool-Aid. We take what we’re given.

    Thank You

    1. – Kennedy: Turtleneck? WTF. Is Matt going to do spoken-word Jazz while Kmele smokes cigarettes and nods?

      Clap. Clap. Clap.

    2. Is Matt going to do spoken-word Jazz while Kmele smokes cigarettes and nods?

      Pppffft… (falls on floor)

      Breathe… Breath…

      Okay, better… HAHAHAHAHAA

    3. If the sun didn’t rise I would always have Gilmore’s comments to brighten my day. Good show.

  37. Welch, please say something to your Fox Business overlords about the commercial volume on the stream! That staffing commercial comes on at a decibel level close to a jet engine. And there is one other one that is bad. If I have to get out my soundmeter and get some hard numbers I’m not going to just write an angry letter!

  38. Can a black guy wear a bow-tie *without* evoking the Nation of Islam

    Is it a short sleeved white shirt?

    1. Good point

  39. I would eat his baby?

    Or his baby sauce?

  40. Internet, deliver unto me a picture of Kennedy spanking Kate Middleton.

  41. I’d like to ask him, respectfully, if he really thinks the total accident of what family he belongs to makes him better than the rest of us and fit to be a king.

    It’s an utterly absurd concept in the 21st century. Hell, it’s been an utterly absurd concept since 1776.

  42. One of the most amusing conversations I had during my college career was a casual walk to class with one of my Classics professors. He went off on this spittle-spewing rant about how the Koch brothers were donated money to the university for the sole purpose of controlling what he said.

    I literally could not stop laughing at how insane it was.

    1. All those cancer patients helped by Koch generosity were visited in the middle of the night in their hospital bed by the Two Satans, who at first stood in the shadows, their faces illuminated only by the soft glow of their cigarettes.

      David would approach the bed and take the person by the hand. “Some day,” he said in his gargoyle voice, “and this day may never come, you’ll do us a favor. Ask around this hospital, they’ll tell you what happens to those who refuse us a favor.” He slips the cancer-stricken victim $500 and silently slinks back into the shadows.

    2. I had a college professor who had a “safe spaces” sticker on his door. He looked like the hippy teacher from Beavis & Butthead.

      1. I never knew how muc I was missing by majoring in engineering. All my profs just looked like successful, educated people. I had conversations with my advisor about the best steel alloy to forge a broadsword out of.

        And my thermodynamics prof wrote five question exams that cut the boys from the men on the spot. If you had prepared well it would take 5 minutes each to just understand the question. If you busted your ass preparing it was so simple you couldn’t write fast enough. If you barely made an effort studying it may as well have been in hieroglyphics.

        1. I got to play the “compare and contrast” game when i took engineering classes for my major and poli sci classes for my minor. I took “Intro to statistics” for poli sci at the same time I took “Elementary statistics and probability” in engineering. Quite the contrast. The engineering one involved much less “BOOOOOSH” and “patriarchy.”

  43. A prog friend of mine just posted on Facebook that he’s dreaming of a Biden/Warren ticket in 2016, and that he’d want to “vote for it 5 times”.

    I proceeded to facepalm with the force of “gaze into the fist of Dredd”

    1. A prog friend of mine just posted on Facebook that he’s dreaming of a Biden/Warren ticket in 2016, and that he’d want to “vote for it 5 times”.

      Well, if he’s a member of the Democratic Party, I’m sure that could be arranged.

      1. He lives in New Jersey. So it doesn’t really matter, that ticket would win regardless.

        Still, that’s just frightening. Both the idea that it could happen and the idea that someone could be EXCITED about it happening.

        1. This is America. If the ticket was Cher and Bieber they would win a couple of states. And people excited about the opportunity.

      2. If he’s a Dem and living in Philly or Chicago it’s mandatory.

    2. Does he know about a magical place called Chicago? They’ll let him vote 5 times after he dies in another state.

  44. WTF live link, people? This shit is still lagtastic. at least I could listen to the other one…


    1. Maybe it’s just you??

      1. Maybe no one gave me the link to the thing?

        1. Yeah well I tried & we all saw how well that turned out.

          1. You tried and failed.

            Lesson? = Never try

            1. +1 D’oh!

  45. Charlemagne the rapper –

    I’m Charlemagne, I bring the pain
    I killed the Saxons and fought in pain

    1. fought in Spain

    2. see if you can fit “saracen” in the meter.

      1. I reinforced my garrison
        I smote the Saracens
        I’m so dope
        I got crowned by the Pope

        1. shouldn’t that be “I took the crown from the pope”?

          1. I think that’s Napoleon.

            1. Was it? Guess so. Not sure why I was thinking Charlemagne there. Derp.

  46. My derp meter is overloading.

    1. But he’s a morning show host on New York radio!!!!

      1. The 5% crowd are the people who were too nutty for the Nation of Islam:

  47. Charlemagne was a HOLY Roman Emperor.

    I digress.

  48. Islam? You know what Charlemagne did to the Muslims?

  49. Running out of guests who make any sense at all in the context of this program, are we?

    1. Really, just bring Penn Jillette back for pete’s sake, I don’t think he turns any gigs away.

  50. A prog friend of mine just posted on Facebook that he’s dreaming of a Biden/Warren ticket in 2016

    I have heard nice things about Estonia. How hard is it to get an immigrant visa?

    1. Putin will be eyeing that by 2016.

  51. Erik B & Rakim


    Also = “If she ruled the world” requires the Kurtis Blow version…

  52. WTF is this? This is like the punk rocker no one ever heard of. GTFO!

  53. someone explain why this guy is on the show?

    I heard Kennedy say something about Ruling the World, then this guy babbling on.

    1. “Wolfowitz says he won’t come back, but we can do without him – here’s a guy I met hanging out in the lobby…”

  54. Finland, maybe. I hear Finland is nice.

    1. Too cold.

      Where are the warm weather countries where it would be worth living? Are there any?

      1. New Zealand’s not too bad. Not exactly warm weather but warmer than Finland. And Cato has Chile pretty high up. I was there in the ’90s: great people.

  55. No one ever chooses to be Pepin the Short.

    1. I thought that was Robert Reich’s S&M name.

    2. Pimpin’ the Short would work.

  56. If the *original* Charlemagne were here, they’d have a shorter interview than with this guy.

    1. what with the swords through everyone?

    1. I’m just gonna hope that someone else stuck it there.

    2. Ugh.

      I do like, however, that the very first paragraph deals with how B.O. is letting them down on internet freedom. haha

    3. I haven’t seen those types of stickers often, but when I do they are on BMWs

    4. Maybe they were making a point


  57. Does Barry Zukercorn’s retirement plan call for investing in banana stands?

  58. No disrespect to this guy and it’s good he got his life in order but seriously…

    What’s the connection?

    We all want the world to sing in perfect harmony.

  59. I blame the Koch brothers.

  60. Oh, he’s still here. Well that hand shake was amusing.

  61. Beat.

    repeat as needed.

    1. “What happened to Ja-moo?”
      He got fired for misspelling “just”.

  62. Lou Dobbs trigger warning in 10 minutes.

  63. When you see me, you know there’s trouble brewin’
    I reform the Church with the help of Alcuin

  64. I confess = I hate white people too

    1. I hate everybody. Which happens to include white people.

      1. Machiavelli was right. We’re wretched creatures.

        1. When did Machiavelli call us wretched?

      2. White people are the nicole of race.

    1. Something that makes absolute no sense?

  65. Where are the warm weather countries where it would be worth living? Are there any?

    Do you speak Spanish? I thought Quito looked like a cool place, but I wasn’t able to do any exploring on my own. Flying in and out is a thrill ride.

    1. Where are the warm weather countries where it would be worth living? Are there any?

      Costa Rica, Chile, the southern half of the United States, Australia.

      Did someone actually ask that?

      1. Canada?

        1. After global warming climate change Canada will be a tropical paradise.

          1. Can’t wait.

            It’s about fricken time.

  66. I’m the Emperor who’s got the most
    I’m the one they call Karl der Grosse

  67. Charlemagne in the Gavin seat has to Gavin?

    Andy Lester says “all I can say about this is that I’m performing at the Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, Michigan”

  68. I would have kicked Jordan in the knee.

    Knicks fan. What?!?

  69. I was introduced to the word ‘wop’ while trick or treating with my cousin and his friends when I was a kid. It was in a French and Italian part of town and we happened on the house of some guy decked in tattoos, smoking while holding a bunch of candy in his hands. He asked if we were ‘wops’ but none of us knew what he meant. Even as we stared at him confused he said in French “I don’t give to wops” and slammed the door shut. We only found out later what it meant but it’s still left a mark.

    But hey. I’m white. So. Big deal, right?

    1. Well, if you’re a wop you’re only demi-white.

      1. Cream white.

        Off white.

        1. Ivory! And 99.3% pure!

        1. I guess.

          If you mean my skin turns brown as opposed to pink in the sun, then yeah.

    2. Canadians celebrate Halloween?

      1. and how!

      2. Probably on the wrong day like Thanksgiving.

      3. We bathe in chocolate as part of the ritual.

    3. Didja hear about the Italian tires? Dago in da rain, dago in da snow, and when dago flat dago “wop wop wop”.

      1. /face palm with spaghetti sauce.

        1. A Canadian coworker and I fought about this constantly. She said Mehr-ree-o and I said Mah-ree-oh. Then again my Canadian coworkers and I were always coming to blows over something like Canadian/back bacon, and how to pronounce pasta.

          1. If by Mah-rio you mean, Ma-rio, then yeah.

            1. Italian is an easy and mellifluous, language to learn. You pronounce it as it is spelled.

              Pasta is PA-STA. Not paw-sta or anything.

              Just pasta. eASY.

              1. Easy.


              2. Lots of English speakers never get that there are no spelling bees in Italy, Spain, Germany, or most other countries. When most languages adopted an alphabet they gave each letter a fixed pronunciation.

                English didn’t even have spelling rules until an American made them up. If there’s anything that can be thrown in the face of the English it is how fucked up the language is.

  70. Why is it okay to hate all whites because one white called you a name? Isn’t that the definition of racist?

    1. Why are you othering and mansplaining this? Because of that statement I hate you and everyone like you!

    2. One time while stopped at a traffic light some white guy in sitting in the passenger seat of an pickup truck elevated by stupid oversized wheels spat on me.

      Ever since then I’ve hated…assholes.

      1. “Ever since then I’ve hated…assholes.”

        I remember a frog calling me a kraut, but then frogs are easy to dislike.

      2. One time stopped at a light in my normal-height pick-up some dude in a slightly higher pick-up pulled up beside me. I saw him hawk up a bit of a loogey but before delivering he seemed to note the shotgun in my gun rack – a nice, short double barrel.

        He found a cup in his cab and spit into that.

  71. Cusco, Peru, also.

  72. Rangers get one back.
    Then the Penguins get one back.

  73. My name is Charley, I won’t be mistook
    Frankish monks copy out a lot of books


    is that “good mamma” in DER GERMANSICH?

    1. It means “totally impartial ever since we dropped our formal affiliation with Planned Parenthood a few years ago.”

  75. But Miley Cyrus has nothing to do with that.

  76. Heh, all I know is that in the last couple decades there’s been a lot of media hysteria about all those anti-choice state laws. Maybe these laws are having an effect?

  77. AHH!!DOBBS!?!?!

  78. Friday’s show with “plans for world domination”, with Gavin McInnis.

    Oh wow.

    It’s friday, recorded, so he can’t be drunk enough that they would have to cut it.

  79. Racism is moronic collectivist tribalism. That’s bad. Accusing everybody who disagrees with you politically of being a racist, a nearly identical species of moronic collectivist tribalism, is good.

    1. So you’re saying we all hate foreigners…

  80. 1960s: Narcotics & Dangerous Drugs Identification Kit

    aka Epi’s Pantry

    1. They missed the blonde hash! Moroccan. A blessing.

  81. So did they beat up on the little commie tonight?

    1. No commies were beaten up.

      For sad.

  82. Snip Decision: Africa’s Campaign To Circumcise Its Men…

  83. Tim Maia =

    Probably the best Brazilian soul musician that never blew up in the US

  84. “In a new clip released online, the leader of the Nigerian terrorist group Boko Haram declares war on the West, denouncing a number of world leaders, as well as Abraham Lincoln….

    “Addressing the camera, Shekau warns that “either you are with us … or you are with Obama! Francois Hollande! George Bush. Bush! Clinton!” After pausing briefly he adds “Abraham Lincoln” to the list.”….._ref=world

    1. The comments are surprisingly war boney:

      Michael Kelly (Mkelly534)
      SUPER USER?757 Fans?In Congress no one can hear you scream
      Don’t we have some spare Hellfire Missiles somewhere?
      6 MAY 1:45 PM

      Anne Mccormick (Anne_Mccormick)
      SUPER USER?1,261 Fans
      I was thinking more like a couple of SEAL teams but Hellfire missiles will do.
      7 MAY 12:45 AM

      1. Why is that “War Boney”?

        wanting to invade a country = Warboner

        wanting to kill some mouthy terrorizing douchebag who’s *asking for it*? = I think that’s to be expected.

        1. Well, war boney by the standards of the “no blood for oil” crowd.

          1. ah.

            he’s a misogynist, is why

      2. I love reading all this military shit refered to by people who I would bet my left testicle have never worn a uniform. I don’t even care to hear hawk-talk from veterans.

      3. Hellfire Missiles

        couple of SEAL teams

        Those Huffington Post commenters sure want to kill a bunch of school girls pretty badly.

    2. “In a new clip released online, the leader of the Nigerian terrorist group Boko Haram declares war on the West,”

      He’s gonna ask Putin for landing craft to assault New Orleans.

    3. That’s fucking awesome.

      I read another book about Guadalcanal recently… and a detail that hadn’t been in the first few was that the Marines dug in on the ridge above Henderson field, who’d been left there for weeks, traded insults at night with the Japs down the hill…. and the Japs regularly screamed, ‘FUCK YOU BABE RUTH’, which apparently everyone found hilarious.

      1. By whom?

        1. The book?

          I cant remember… its around here somewhere. Its not anyone contemporary = it was a marine who was a military correspondent at the time. I got it in a pile with a half dozen other military books the library was throwing away…

          1. This guy


            Apparently his stuff was used to do “The Pacific” series, so I was wrong in thinking him ‘unknown’.

            He never mentions his own role in Guadalcanal, and if I recall, he wasn’t in that fight (at least the first phase), but came in later.

            1. Got that one.
              Actually, he was in the 5th Marines; they were reserve until the Army ran into the first line of defense.
              It’s a good description, and covers the northern battle(s) where no other one did.

            2. Oops, sorry.
              No, he and Gene Sledge both were late for Guadalcanal; pretty sure they both first fought at Peleliu.
              At Okinawa, they went in as reserve forces.

      2. I can imagine them practicing beforehand in small groups:

        fahgyoo baybrooz
        fahgyoo baybrooz
        fahgyoo baybrooz
        fahgyoo baybrooz

      3. I can imagine them practicing beforehand in small groups:

        fahgyoo baybrooz
        fahgyoo baybrooz
        fahgyoo baybrooz
        fahgyoo baybrooz

        1. My ex-girlfriend lived in japan… “Sylvia”.

          I would laugh whenever she said her name the way the Japanese did =


          1. It’s actually a bit worse : “She-ru-bi-ya”.

            1. you got it.

    4. Boko Haram. They ain’t no whiter shade of pale.

  85. Announced very late in the day:

    “Tesla loses nearly $50 million in first quarter”…..hc-bustech

    Can’t tell if they’re still running the scam on the battery-swap “refueling time” and screwing the taxpayers. I hope a prosecutor decides to make a name over that, but it’ll take one who ignores PC pressure.
    I’m sure it does include the sale of the tax credits, and it’s looking like that won’t save them.

  86. Farley Mowat, one of Canada’s best-known authors and a noted environmentalist, has died at age 92.

    … The rabble-rousing Mowat was also barred by U.S. immigration officials from crossing the border for a book tour during the mid-1980s.

    He eventually learned it was due to an old security dossier supplied to the U.S. by Canadian officials and detailed the situation and his experiences in the book My Discovery of America. He also famously said that he was no longer interested in visiting the U.S. and would only reconsider “if Air Force One arrives at Pearson International Airport to pick me up.”

    He continued to vigorously share his strong opinions until the end, including criticizing the recent plan to bring Wi-Fi service to some of Canada’s National Park

    1. “In 1963, Mowat wrote a possibly fictionalised account of his experiences in the Canadian Arctic with Arctic wolves entitled Never Cry Wolf, which is thought to have been instrumental in changing popular attitudes on the canids. The work and its claims have been criticised.[2]”

      He was a lying POS.

      1. I forget if he was the plagiarist.

        But I’m sure the Canadian media is fawning at the moment. I don’t watch or read much mainstream news.

      2. They made a movie based on that book.

        I liked it.

        1. No problem with fiction, so long as it’s labeled as such.

    2. 2 or 3 years ago, there was a deer overpopulation problem in Michigan. Since bang-bang was a no-no, the eco weenies suggested releasing wolves to even things out.

      Releasing wolves into populated areas- another brilliant idea from the Reality-Based? community

      1. SKINNER: Well, I was wrong. The lizards are a godsend.

        LISA: But isn’t that a bit short-sighted? What happens when we’re overrun by lizards?

        SKINNER: No problem. We simply unleash wave after wave of Chinese needle snakes. They’ll wipe out the lizards.

        LISA: But aren’t the snakes even worse?

        SKINNER: Yes, but we’re prepared for that. We’ve lined up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on snake meat.

        LISA: But then we’re stuck with gorillas!

        SKINNER: No, that’s the beautiful part. When wintertime rolls around, the gorillas simply freeze to death.

  87. World’s oldest prostitutes reveal the secret to keeping men happy in bed

    1. I have no desire to read that.

      1. It’s kind of awesome. You should read it despite your desires.

    2. Twin GGGILFS, what’s not to love?

    3. With a Sleep Number mattress?

    4. This is immoral! A video started automatically when I went to the site!

      But I had time to notice the names of the hooker twins: Louise and Martine Fokkens.

    5. The sisters said the money was good and paid their bills, but admitted it had slowed down in recent years with a declining client base and advancing arthritis.

      Yeah, that arthritis is a bitch.

    6. They don’t call it the oldest profession for no reason!

  88. Last night Jesus H. Christ asked:

    OK, I’m using fascr with Firefox on the mac to try to block “certain” commenters, and it’s not working. I am putting the commenter’s handle in the Blocked Posters field in the fascr preferences screen. Do I need to wrap the handle in quotes? Do I use a comma to separate entries in the field?

    I answered, likely too late for him to see:

    Jesus H., I will try you again tomorrow since you probably are
    asleep by now, but:

    The blocklist should look like:
    [“Contrarian”,”SlV”,”american socialist”,”Tony”]

    You get the idea. It is in JSON format.

    However, while it is there for advanced users to edit and to be
    able to copy & paste easily, it’s not really necessary to edit
    directly. Just click the ? symbol to block, and if you have it set
    to display the bylines of blocked posters, just click ? again to

    In the future, please email me or post on the issue tracker
    (registration should not be required) to make sure I see your
    question / issue.

    1. [“Contrarian”,”SlV”,”american socialist”,”Tony”]

      That’s a pretty good list, but who’s Contrarian?

      1. Probably “American”.

        However that is a sample for the sake of demonstrating formatting, not really a model list. Certainly not an exhaustive one.

        1. Well, at least I know who you are now.

  89. “America’s taste in beer, in five maps…

    “1) Wine is popular on the coasts, beer is popular in the midwest…

    “2) Bud Light is really, really popular everywhere…

    “3) Beers like Sam Adams and Corona have devoted regional followings…

    “4) Illinois and Wisconsin have more bars than grocery stores…

    “5) People tweet more about beer than church ? except in the south”…..-five-maps

    1. Wow, *Explanatory journalisms*!

      They’re SO much more intellectual than *Gawker!*

      1. Every left-wing website becomes Gawker eventually.

        Progressives have a difficult time hiding the fact that they’re intellectually and morally at a 7th grade level.

        1. Yeah, well, like, my friends are cooler than your friends, and no one likes you, so whatever.

    2. “2) Bud Light is really, really popular everywhere…

      Yet the map shows no bud lite west of the Mississippi.

      gee I wonder where Vox is located…such a fucking mystery

      1. Yeah. The most populous state in the country is a Coors light state.

        Apparently the 40 million people in California don’t count.

    1. That’s not entirely fair, Rich. Nancy had more important things to do today, like attending a fundraiser in Beverly Hills hosted by Steven Spielberg with Obama and Harry Reid.

      1. Yeah, they’re due to fuck up traffic in the Bay Area tomorrow.
        And this has nothing to do with “politics”.

  90. Releasing wolves into populated areas- another brilliant idea from the Reality-Based? community

    They were ruthlessly exterminated for a reason.

    True story.

  91. Politico parodies itself:

    “Alan Simpson’s love, sex advice”…..06449.html

    1. As influential as the Simpson-Bowles report!

  92. Here’s how to make THE INDEPENDENTS better (warning: autoplay)

  93. Watching Next of Kin. Helen Hunt was a babe back in the 80s.

  94. BTW, for those of you who would never think of slumming in 24/7, Jackand Ace is over there in the AGW thread offering cites that swear the authorities have spoken, cherry-picking, ducking, weaving, and avoiding any of the real questions.
    And did you know the skeptics can’t gripe about not being heard, since they have FOX news and sites such as this!

  95. Today in projection:

    Me: So the Nazis weren’t socialists even though the word is right there in the name and in spite of the fact they called themselves socialists in their own propaganda. None of that matters because they took over the labor unions- just like the Soviets did. Hmm, real air-tight argument you got there.

    Him: Like I said, fuck off. Moron

    Me: Truly sir, you are a philosopher king- straddling the earth like an intellectual colossus. Your college professor friends must be extra proud.

    Him: Coming from you, that has all the force of a nerf ball thrown by a toddler. No matter how much proof you are shown, you will remain ignorant. You accept that fact lovingly. Toodles.

    1. You really should consult a physician about your high levels of derpsposure.

    2. You should list sections of the fascist manifesto and ask him to explain how their economic policy was in any way different from the modern Democrats.

    3. It still amazes me that the progs try to discern some tangible net benefit for one of two vile and murderous ideologies, which grew from the same pot of dirt shit

    1. From a link on the same page.

      Supposedly all these are drawings or paintings…no photos.


  96. Fargo.
    I thought Locusts were the 8th plague.
    Did I miss 6 episodes?

    1. Because it is the Coen Brothers you just know that slow-witted son of the Supermarket King is going to fall victim to the final plague.

      But seeing Billy Bob Thornton play the folksy pastor was both hilarious and terrifying.

  97. I think KD is great, but if the thunder blow this game and lose to the clippers, that does not reflect well on him. He needs to be more of an alpha dog in relation to Russ, who is great, but he’s option 2, not option 1 like he thinks.

    1. The Kiwi is a freak.

      1. Admittedly I don’t know much about him. I’ve liked how he’s played tonight.

        The fact that Durant doesn’t shoot 35-40 times a game is a travesty.

        1. He has a rugby mentality.

    2. That said, I’ve liked the way Russ played this game. Smart shots.

  98. Raack Man Jo Jo says that aint gonna happen dude.

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