Pentagon Skeptical of Putin's Troop Pull-Back Claim, Harry Reid Blames Koch Bros. for Climate Change, Clay Aiken Barely Wins Primary: P.M. Links

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    President Vladimir Putin today said he has pulled back Russian troops from the Ukrainian border and favors Ukraine's presidential election on May 25 over separatist referendums scheduled for the 11th. The Pentagon has said it's seen "no evidence" of the troop movement and Ukraine's acting government doesn't trust a word of it.

  • Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.) accused Charles and David Koch of being "one of the main causes" of climate change. Reid, on the other hand, is accused of spewing vast quantities of hot gas into the atmosphere.
  • American Idol star Clay Aiken leads the Democratic primary in North Carolina's 2nd congressional district by fewer than 400 votes.
  • Former Florida governor and current candidate to reclaim the position, Charlie Crist, a Republican-turned-Independent-turned-Democrat, claims that he left the GOP due to its racist tendencies.
  • Twelfth-graders' math and reading skills are disappointingly low and have remained pretty stagnant for the last four years, according to the National Assessment of Educational Progress's "National Report Card." Get ready for summer school, kids.
  • Lions Gate Entertainment announced today that it is producing a live-action Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie. Spandex suits can hardly contain the excitement of '90s nostalgia fanatics.

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  1. American Idol star Clay Aiken leads the Democratic primary in North Carolina’s 2nd congressional district by fewer than 400 votes.

    Who wouldn’t want Sheriff Lobo to represent them?

    1. Hello.

      Reid: Klrtyyj? Sjerdh, djfees argdg!!

      Ha, ha!

  2. Twelve-graders’ math

    WHUT

    1. 4REAl. U cant b srs.

      1. Alice Bowie?

        1. Nope, but keep dope alive!

  3. Hearne Officer Shoots 93-Year-Old Woman, Victim Identified, Officer Placed On Leave

    An officer was called on a report of a woman brandishing a firearm. He allegedly told her to put it down, and at some point opened fire.

    Pearlie Golden, 93, died at the hospital.

    1. Well, guess that’s one less senior to take care of.

    2. Pearlie Golden

      Nice band old lady name.

  4. Former Florida governor and current candidate to reclaim the position, Charlie Crist, a Republican-turned-Independent-turned-Democrat, claims that he left the GOP due to its racist tendencies.

    They be discriminatin’ against the freakishly tan!

    1. You know, no kidding, who is the fucking racist party? Probably the one that pats blacks and other minorities on the head and thinks special white people need to think for them. Motherfucker.

  5. Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.) accused Charles and David Koch of being “one of the main causes” of climate change.

    That would explain why it’s become suddenly an urgent thing over the past two decades or so. If only the government had taken all their money.

    1. Yeah, and it explains why the entire rest of the world’s activities doesn’t matter.

    2. I swear to heaven I would love.it if the Kochs just went Galt and pulled a Francisco d’Anconia with their businesses and industrial interests. Just buy up half the refineries in the.country and then run.them into the ground with no.hope.of repair.

        1. I want that on a t-shirt.

              1. Zazzle?

              2. Damned if I can find it. She says she got it online.

      1. Have you heard of a place called Venezuela?

        1. Are you accusing the Kochs of wrecking Venezuela?

          1. Name one country, just one, that the Koch brothers haven’t destroyed. Just one.

            1. Alsace-Lorraine?

              1. You know who else destroyed Alsace-Lorraine

      2. Isn’t the Federal Government the world’s (THE WORLD’S) largest polluter and releaser of CO2? Oh I guess it is.

        1. Pretty sure that’s China.

    3. Is this the guy from a state where they built a huge free gin’ city with grandiose fountains in the middle of a desert? No environmental issues there.

  6. Lions Gate Entertainment announced today that it is producing a live-action Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie. Spandex suits can hardly contain the excitement of ’90s nostalgia fanatics.

    Slow news day?

    1. Also, how is this different than the two currently existing live-action Power Ranger movies?

  7. Firefighters found four bodies in a burning mansion owned by former tennis star James Blake, who was renting out the Tampa Bay-area house and not there at the time, officials said Wednesday.

    Autoplay video at bottom

    1. There is one American in the top 50 tennis players in the world.

      http://espn.go.com/tennis/rankings

      There has to be a logical reason although I have no idea what it could be.

      Blake was never very good.

      1. #4 in the world isn’t very good?

        1. My buddy was top 10 in Canada (which wasn’t much) back in the day and he’s the one who told me top 50 or 100 in the world is an incredible achievement. He made us realize you could earn a living being a top player and that most of those in the top 50 could beat each other at any time.

          Point is, you don’t have to be #1 in a sport like tennis – except of course, you want to be legend.

          1. True. Although I assume part of being a legend is you want to win one of the big ones.

  8. Union leader representing news industry joins group that shuns news coverage
    Larry Cohen, president of the Communications Workers of America, is a member of the Democracy Alliance, a Democratic donor network that has raised more than $30 million. CWA senior director George Kohl joined the network last year.

    The group is highly secretive and goes to great efforts to prevent any reporters from covering its activities. At a recent gathering in Chicago, alliance members called security on Politico reporter Kenneth P. Vogel for trying to interview a member.

    That is pretty ironic because one of the groups that CWA represents is ? reporters. Its website boasts that its members include workers at the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, ABC andNBC, among others. The Newspaper Guild of America, which represents about 34,000 news industry workers, is part of the CWA. ….

    1. Communications peeps know what a pain in the ass communications peeps are.

  9. Vancouver marijuana conference seeks to capitalize on ‘green rush’

    Investors interested in the fledgling legal marijuana industry are gathering in Vancouver today to discuss ways of capitalizing on the so-called “green rush” in the wake of new federal rules banning home-grown medical marijuana.

  10. Twelve-graders’ math and reading skills are disappointingly low and have remained pretty stagnant for the last four years…

    Or 36 months, stated another way.

  11. We’re learning more and more about Warty’s family every day.

  12. So if we just tax the Koch brothers into oblivion, the climate will cease changing and we’ll all live happily ever after.

    1. No, no, MS, climate change (or whatever they’re calling it this hour) is irreversible. But we can stop further…change…if we all act quickly and drastically. But only through such action will we leave an inhabitable earth for teh chirruns.

      Shorter: Mother Gaia needs a blood sacrifice and the Kochs would be a particularly appeasing one.

      1. It’s now climate maximum or “climax.”

    2. Why stop at taxing them?

      Send them to Motel Hell:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4AR3BgaCdA

    3. So if we just tax the Koch brothers into oblivion, the climate will cease changing and we’ll all live happily ever after.

      You got it!

    4. It will be the moment the earth begins to heal, once again proving how racist the Koch brothers are.

  13. Twelve-graders’

    Are these the people who grade the twelfths?

  14. Boys at California high school using NFL-stye draft to choose prom dates

    Students at a California school are using an NFL-style drafting system to rank and acquire prom dates.
    How does it work? Well, it’s the classic story of boy likes girl, boy participates in NFL-style draft, boy gets random number, but can pay to get a better number that gives him a better shot at asking the girl of his choice to prom. This is how it all goes down at Corona del Mar High School, located in Newport Beach, California. A twitter account, which has since been removed, announced that the draft was on and encouraged female students to dress accordingly: “many drafters on the prowl tomorrow for #freeagents so dress nice ladies.” The account also announced rules like “sophomores can be drafted” and ranked girls, posting pictures of football jerseys bearing their last names.

    Horrible. So surely there are girls at the school who have a problem with this, right? They couldn’t find a single one. Not one. Maybe because they left out that participation is voluntary?

    1. Free agents don’t go through the draft.

      1. So your prom date may balloon up to 300+ pounds and get arrested for Purple Drank?

        1. You should structure her contract with more incentives.

          1. And test her randomly for ‘roids.

        2. What the authorities did to Johnny Jolly was criminal.

    2. What if your date refuses to show up for OTAs?

      1. And what’s the cap hit if you prefer to sign a free agent later instead?

        1. Your tie and shirt which matched the color of her dress is considered dead money.

          1. If I franchise tag her, what position should I use to calculate what I have to pay?

            1. Tight End.

              1. That’s highly dependent on the particular prom date.

                In general, if she’s earned a franchise tender, she is probably spending a lot of time in several different positions.

                1. Does she play Special Teams?

                  1. Is she any good in the clutch? How are her hands? Does she know when to go head first and when to slide?

                    1. Does she play both ways?

    1. Pleasantly surprised.

      1. Isn’t he too skinny here?

        1. Too skinny and that photo reminds me of the dweebieness of him as Doogie Howser, M.D.

          That said. The lower-abdominal v-cut is very very distracting.

    2. Still better than the HIMYM finale.

      1. Holy shit that thing was awful.

        1. Worse than Seinfeld?

          1. Far worse.

  15. Everything you need to know about this year’s Eurovision Song Contest

  16. Lions Gate Entertainment announced today that it is producing a live-action Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie.

    Didn’t they already do this? I wonder if the black ranger will still be African-American and the yellow ranger Asian-American. Good times. Good times.

    1. Yeah, but it had a bunch of ooze, and is even older than Tobey Maguire’s Spiderman.

    1. I bet they could use genetic engineering to solve the problem.

    2. “The epidemic has been driven by higher temperatures and humidity in the mountains, encouraging fungal growth – which may be caused by climate change.”

      Climate change – it’s blamed for more bad stuff than Not Me in Family Circus.

      1. Wow. A few months ago I saw an article on this and it was blamed on coffee growers refusing to use fungicides because it meant they couldn’t be organic certified, which was financial suicide.

        I’m glad they’ve folded this into their unified theory though.

      2. That’d be a good idea. Take a bunch of old family circuses and actually change “Not Me” to “Climate Change”. Mix in some MSNBC things where they blame random crap on Climate Change and paint it on in video.

  17. Big Willie Style

    13 year old Willow Smith is laying in bed with a 20 year old and shirtless actor Moises Arias in a picture posted on Moises social media account.

    1. I don’t know why everyone is saying “in bed” when it’s clearly “on a bed.” Am I really the only one who differentiates? I mean in general, not just with respect to this photo.

      1. Yes. You are. I bet your bedspreads are pristine. Word of advice: no one else’s are. Be especially wary of hotels.

      2. I haven’t checked the picture yet, but I would say “in bed” means under the covers and “on a bed” means physically on top of it, so “in bed” is a subset of “on a bed”.

        1. Who the fuck is under covers when in bed with someone? Do you people live in arctic caves?

          So you mean sleeping? Cause there’s a word for that. It’s sleeping.

          1. How can you be “in” the bed if you’re not under the covers? I confirmed this with a few other people now too.

            Plus, have you ever fucked somewhere really cold?

            1. If we want to be highly accurate, in bed, (for most types of bed) would be nonsensical.

              Under the covers would be the phrase you’re looking for. If you are laying on a bed sleeping and there are no covers on you, you seriously wouldn’t consider that “in bed”?

              If your boyfriend calls out “where are you?” and you’re laying in bed with the covers off, do you say “I’m on the bed” or “I’m in bed”?

              1. Yeah, I wouldn’t say “in bed” if I was on top of all the covers and reading or something. I would probably just say “bed” as a response though.

                I can be “in” with no covers on me, but not if they’re on the bed and under me.

                1. well that’s because you’re a pedant.

                2. I can be “in” with no covers on me, but not if they’re on the bed and under me.

                  Ok, so we’ve narrowed it down some. Is that just the blanket, or must the top sheet be off as well?

                  Are you beginning to understand my confusion with your distinction?

                  1. Well I’m mostly surprised at your confusion, because in all my years of studying dialects I’ve never read about a variance on this. That doesn’t mean one doesn’t exist, of course.

                    I’d say my rule is, if there’s anything under me that would be over me if I were tucking in for the night, it can’t be “in” bed.

              2. I’ve taken to bed over all this arguing

          2. So when you wake up and want to bury your morning wood in the person lying next to you, you get you and your partner out of bed, make the bed and then get your deep-dicking on?

            1. Yeah, that too.

            2. No, but those sheets and blankets are gone.

              And depending on who I’m with, I have been known to keep a towel beside the bed to slide under them. I do enough laundry as is.

              1. No, but those sheets and blankets are gone.

                Huh?

                1. Huh?

                  blankets and top sheet thrown off the bed.

                2. He’s saying he pushes them off.

                  I hope you have a nice cozy house, Coeus.

                  1. I hope you have a nice cozy house, Coeus.

                    Nope, I keep it at 68 degrees. The alternative is profuse sweating during physical activity (and sometimes even sleep). Never met anyone who didn’t accept the trade-off, although sometimes it takes a (highly disgusting)demonstration.

                    1. That’s pretty warm.

                    2. That’s pretty warm.

                      In Texas, I could have a decent used car for how much it costs to get it that low year round.

                      There’s people I work with who prefer 78-79 degrees. I want to murder them whenever they approach the thermostat.

                3. They’re instantly vaporized by the heat of his passion.

              2. Why do you sleep with the incontinent, Coeus, because that’s a weird, weird fetish.

                1. An estimated one third to 65 percent of women have some degree of urinary incontinence. What do you think squirters are?

                  Also, see The Beatles for further confirmation.

                2. Why do you sleep with the incontinent, Coeus, because that’s a weird, weird fetish.

                  Coeus, GILF-Hunter!

                  1. Coeus, GILF-Hunter!

                    What can I say? There’s a certain way the wrinkles catch the light….gets me every time.

                    At this point, the smell of mentholatum give me an almost instant erection.

                    1. That what I ams talkings about!

        2. There you go. Exactly what I’m saying.

          And I mean, Coeus, you can have sex anywhere, so I kind of don’t get it.

        3. Think of it as “in bedding” and it sounds better.

      3. Yeah, but you aren’t trying to generate controversy page hits.

    2. She needs to go live with her auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

  18. Out of Wisconsin

    U.S. District Judge Rudolph Randa in Milwaukee told prosecutors to immediately stop the long-running, five-county probe into possible illegal coordination between Walker’s campaign, the Wisconsin Club for Growth and a host of others during the 2011 and 2012 recall elections.

    When it comes to political speech, Randa wrote, the government may regulate only “express advocacy” ? that is, ads or other communications that explicitly urge people to vote for or against a candidate. But Wisconsin Club for Growth and groups like it engage in “issue advocacy” ? communications that promote or denigrate candidates without coming right out and saying how people should vote.

    The government can regulate express advocacy only because of the danger of “giving government an expanded role in uprooting all forms of perceived corruption which may result in corruption of the First Amendment itself,” Randa wrote.

    “As other histories tell us, attempts to purify the public square lead to places like the Guillotine and the Gulag.”

    1. When it comes to political speech, Randa wrote, the government may regulate only “express advocacy” ? that is, ads or other communications that explicitly urge people to vote for or against a candidate.

      And they shouldn’t even do that.

      1. Agreed, but it’s progress.

  19. Federal government issues emergency order requiring states be informed of oil train shipments

    WASHINGTON ? The Transportation Department issued an emergency order Wednesday requiring that railroads inform state emergency management officials before moving large shipments of crude oil through their states, and urged railroads not to use older model tanks cars that are easily ruptured in accidents, even at slow speeds.

    The emergency order requires that each railroad operating trains containing more than 1 million gallons of crude oil ? about 35 tank cars ? from the booming Bakken region of North Dakota, Montana and part of Canada provide information on their movement to states they traverse.

    Much of the oil from the region is being shipped in trains of 100 cars or more that accident investigators have described as “moving pipelines.” The trains move through small towns and big cities alike across the country.

    The emergency order follows a warning two weeks ago from outgoing National Transportation Safety Board Chairwoman Deborah Hersman that the department risks a “higher body count” as the result of fiery oil train accidents if it waits for new safety regulations to become final.

    If only there were some other way to transport oil.

    1. What the heck is *informing* states going to do? It’s not like bureaucrats will magically make accidents go away.

      1. What the heck is *informing* states going to do?
        If it becomes part of some public record, then the envirowhacks can plan to lay across the tracks to delay shipment of the evil cargo.

        1. Oh, I would LOVE to see that. It takes a long longer to stop a train than the line of sight to a bunch of watermelons on the tracks.

      2. It’s not like bureaucrats will magically make accidents go away

        Progtards disagree…

    2. Buffett won’t be happy about this.

    3. These trains run past my area every day. There are dozens filled with coal on the way to Seattle. The ex-Californians bitch about the enviro-hazard that this mode of transportation poses.

  20. The Pentagon has said it’s seen “no evidence” of the troop movement…

    Did they see it the first time?

    1. While there is a vast range of shelfies, the Journal points out that the form has already begun to produce several clich?s. These include “the evocative pair of spectacles,” “the stunning espresso foam design” and “the casual magazine tableau.”

      This is definitely the saddest part.

    2. I don’t get it. It’s people sharing pics of their shelf.

      Of course, not everyone is a fan. Jezebel called shelfies “the latest thing to make you want to quit the Internet” because of their celebration of “artifice,” while the Huffington Post UK said that for people who aren’t so design-savvy, they are “another way to feel inadequate.”

      Christ. Have to find something to bitch about.

      1. What does Jezebel think of Ms. Pac-Man? I mean, it’s pac-MAN with a bow! Obviously misogynistic, no?

        Buckner & Garcia you sons of bitches, where are you?

    3. So it’s a lot like taking photos of your cat in a hollowed out slice of bread.

  21. An officer was called on a report of a woman brandishing a firearm. He allegedly told her to put it down, and at some point opened fire.

    Suicide by cop. That poor, distraught law enforcement professional. All he ever wanted to do was help people. Now he’s stuck cooling his heels by the pool while internal affairs validates his story.

  22. Twelve-graders’

    Nice band name.

  23. Man, TED talks have really gone downhill.

    Behold:

    The thinness epidemic!!

    1. Once the moral crusader progressives get hold of something, it tends to die a slow, agonizing death.

    2. My talks have not gone downhill!

    3. TED talks were doomed to become essentially another YouTube channel where nutcases and shut-ins showcase their arts-and-crafts macram? kung fu along with conspiracy theories.

    4. You know, I used to think terms and ideas like “fat shaming” only existed on the internet and maybe TV, because I’ve never seen anyone actually engage in that type of talk or use that type of terminology. Until the other day. Yup, someone I know actually said that someone was fatshaming other people. Well, it really exists after all, I guess.

    1. Equality is just around the corner brother!

    2. “You didn’t build that, but I destroyed it!”

  24. Power Rangers was an okay show. It premiered during the era when the government was trying to “enhance and broaden” children’s television entertainment. It was nice to see a successful show geared toward selling toys.

    1. …Unfortunately, those toys were a bitch to find. I remember going outgrowing Power Rangers long before I ever saw a toy on the shelf.

    2. I loved Power Rangers when I was a kid. I know it was sometime after the whole “White Ranger” thing, I got tired of it.

      1. My god how many of your guys are my little brother?

        1. Add one more.

        2. Weirdly, my older brother watched it a few times. That and, IIRC, Banana’s in Pajamas. I don’t know if he watched them ‘ironically’ or what, but he was a teenager at the time.

  25. Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.) accused Charles and David Koch of being “one of the main causes” of climate change. Reid, on the other hand, is accused of spewing vast quantities of hot gas into the atmosphere.

    Reid is trying really hard lately to get himself into the “most loathsome Congressman” race with Bitchtits, Boxer and Pelosi.

    1. He is kind of skipping right to “craziest” though. Actual loathing is hard for me to muster when he seems more like an obvious internet troll than an actual principled scumbag.

  26. Jeebus, the Koch brothers mania is becoming insane. Someone should be creating memes about it. Has your milk gone bad before the date on the container? It must be the Koch brothers!

    1. Goldstein Koch and Snowball Koch?

    2. The Koch brothers stole my baby!

    3. Have you no decency, Kochtopus?!@

    4. Actually, we should start flooding the webs with bullshit memes like that until the whole “Koch brothers did it, OMZ!!1!” thing dies the ignominious death it deserves.

      1. Let’s do it. I’ll try to make a ridiculously over the top kochtopus.

        I’ll start with this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Nrol-39.jpg + Charles Koch’s face

        Throw in a monocle for good measure.

        1. I used my original idea, but here’s one.

  27. Twelve-graders’ math and reading skills are disappointingly low and have remained pretty stagnant for the last four years, according to the National Assessment of Educational Progress’s “National Report Card.” Get ready for summer school, kids.

    SKOOLZ NEEDS MOAR MUNY.

  28. Villa Rica councilman not afraid of them or their little red cars: Says Shriners are panhandlers who need to get out of town.

    For the story w/out autoplay, click here.

    Fox 5 doesn’t seem to have the later video of the city council meeting on its site. The Shriners said their piece and the Mayor said the panhandling ordinance did not apply to their activities before giving them some money for sick children.

    1. Yeah, fuck that guy. The Shriners run a hospital for sick children which provides absolutely fucking free services. No government involved.

      But perhaps that’s what really pissed off the councilcritter.

  29. The oldest man lives in NY

    Yes, Mr. Imich, a scholar of the occult who was born in Poland on Feb. 4, 1903, is the world’s oldest validated male supercentenarian (those over 110), according to the Gerontology Research Group of Torrance, Calif.

    Ooh, somebody still has their offices in Torrance!

    Mr. Imich was 10 months old when the Wright brothers invented machine-powered manned flight. Teddy Roosevelt, having assumed the White House upon the assassination of William McKinley, had yet to run for the presidency on his own.

    Mr. Imich remembers the first automobile in his hometown, fighting the Bolsheviks in the Polish-Soviet War, escaping the Holocaust and surviving a Soviet gulag. He then immigrated to the United States, finding time to master the computer and publish a book on the paranormal at 92.

    I’d watch a biopic. The whole article is interesting. He was a zoologist traveling the world. He escaped the Nazis in Poland, went to Russia, got sent to a gulag…

    1. I think this biopic was already made and it is called ‘Zelig’?

    2. All the weird awesome shit this dude has done in his life, and he’s impressed by bullshit artists who bend spoons? Christ.

  30. [John Belushi voice] “Black Mass! Black Mass!”

    Harvard student group supplements its education:

    http://www.extension.harvard.e…..dies-event

    1. Where can I adopt this dog?

      1. It ran off, no body knows where it came from or where it went to.

        Just wander around DeKalb county with a school bus and see if he gets on…

        1. *nobody

        2. Just wander around DeKalb county with a school bus…

          I’m, uh, not gonna do this.

  31. 206 House GOPers Fighting For 7 Seats On The Benghazi Committee

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/l…..-committee

    BENGHAZI! BENGHAZI!!! I’M OVER HERE FOX NEWS!

    1. “BENGHAZI! BENGHAZI!!! I’M OVER HERE FOX NEWS!”

      Lying POS “Benghazi?! Look over there!”

  32. Fox Anchor Wonders When We’re Getting a Men’s History Museum

    1. We don’t need one. The entire world is Men’s History Museum.

    2. We have one. It’s called the History Museum.

      1. We have one. It’s called the History Museum.

        So you are advocating removal of exhibits involving women from regular museums?

        1. Removal? Nah, it’s pretty easy to just skip over 5% of a museum.

          1. So you just feel that women’s achievements are not worthy of more than 5 percent of a general history museum?

            1. I feel nothing. I have observed, in many museums, and especially in history or science and industry museums, that only about 5% of the exhibits feature women.

              1. I feel nothing.

                Well I do. I kinda feel bad. I’ve been fucking with you because I find those kind of answers idiotic in the extreme, and you’ve been answering honestly.

                Bottom line is: If you think that women or a minority is underrepresented in History museums (or books, or TV) then a push for more representation is the answer, not a new, exclusionary museum funded by tax money.

  33. The UN has a Bollywood gay marriage PSA starring Miss India winner Celina Jaitly “The Welcome

    The takeaway is that you should keep beautiful women on hand to intervene with your traditional grandmother.

    1. But for god’s sake, don’t keep them in binders.

  34. Ireland Baldwin posts intimate pics of her kissing pansexual rapper Angel Haze

    1. Dafuq is “pansexual”? You like to get it on with cookware?

    2. If you can … make me laugh ? and that’s hard ? then I can be with you. I don’t care if you have a vagina or if you’re a hermaphrodite or whatever.”

      Contest: How can You-know-who get Angel Haze to laugh?

      I suggest a French tickler on the Doom Cock.

    3. Baldwin, who split from boyfriend boyfriend Slater Trout in March

      boyfriend Slater Trout

      Slater Trout

      Slater

      Trout

      1. That oughta do it!

  35. Ok someone go to the Telegraph Page and click ‘relationships‘ at the top

    Does it switch to ‘women‘?

    1. Who else clicks on ‘relationships?’

      1. That is where the funniest stories used to reside.

    2. Yes.

  36. Today’s highlight from Derpbook:

    “The government should control sugar like they control alcohol, tobacco, and drugs.”

    WTF? There are people actually root for sh.. heads like Bloomberg.

    1. They don’t control drugs.

    2. Subsidize and control at the same time.

    3. Ha! You forgot “like guns and explosives”!

    4. Does this person want no-knock raids for possession of baked goods?

      1. Only if trans-fats are involved; he’s a moderate.

      2. It’s bloomie, so, yep.

    5. You really don’t need to self-censor here, dude. Just so ya know.

  37. lower-performing students who in the past would have dropped out of school are now remaining in the sampling of students who take the exam

    For the sake of the country, then, DO NOT let them drop out any more!

  38. My wife just came home with a basket of Easter candy her lactose intolerance prevents her from eating. Mwa ha ha ha ha!

  39. Donald Sterling’s hilarious court transcript.

    I don’t know how anyone kept a straight face.

  40. This is how idiots argue:

    Re: Tony,

    I deem cannabis evil [in response to OM’s deeming abortion evil].

    You deem a thing evil?

    Thus we should spare no expense on the drug war and completely ignore the consequences of it.

    Learn to argue, Tony. You’re talking to the big boys here.

    You’re begging the question when justifying the drug war by assuming cannabis (a thing) evil. Only ACTS can be evil, not things.

    The reality is we can’t treat embryos as people with full rights because doing so results in unacceptable retrograde and horrific consequences for women.

    That’s a stupid argument, no different than justifying murdering all Native Americans lest we have unacceptable and horrific results for American farmers.

  41. “Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.) accused Charles and David Koch of being “one of the main causes” of climate change.”

    If the Koch bros didn’t exist, the idiot left would have to invent them.

    1. Since very little of what the idiot left says about them is true, they essentially are an invention.

    2. Serious question: What percentage of the population has ever even *heard* of the Koch brothers, much less has any idea who TF they are?

      1. “What percentage of the population has ever even *heard* of the Koch brothers,”
        Prior to the fake call to the Michigan governor, prolly 1 in 500 or so. I’d say you’d have to follow business pretty closely or libertarian financing to know

        “much less has any idea who TF they are?”
        Even now, prolly about that small number, since what is now ‘known’ is a bunch of lies.

        1. Seems about right.

          “I think they’re porn stars.”

          “Actually, it’s pronounced ‘Coke’.”

          “Oh, the inventors of Coke?!”

      2. What’s funny is that the Koch companies are rather heavy into pollution control devices, which is exactly counter to.the rape-and-pillage-the-earth image grandmothers’ detractors want to saddle them with.

  42. Slow morning at work and I was looking through Amazon’s deals page and the heading of this forum post jumped out at me: “It was a good 15 years. Bye bye Amazon” The original post is insane, the results equally so.

    Juan M. says:
    I placed my first order at Amazon in 1999. Since then I have spent thousands of dollars here. Today however Amazon has begun collecting taxes for orders shipped to Florida because they decided to build a fulfillment center there. I can wait a few days for my purchases; saving money though is a priority for me.

    I will no longer buy most of what I used to here. Amazon doesn’t look out for my wallet, they take arbitrary decisions and expect me to pay for them. There are other, now more economical alternatives to Amazon, and from now on I’ll use every one of them. Even if price is equal, I’ll still choose a competitor over Amazon. Most of my books I’ll order from Barnes and Noble, since prices are now the same. Everything else, I’ll search for other options first.

    You cannot simply institute a 7% price hike across the board without consequences. Goodbye Amazon.

    The phrase “tax cheats” comes up quite a bit in the responses.

    1. Yay, punish Amazon for paying taxes because we likes our screenshot! Total prog logic.

    2. So… that poster is pissed at Amazon for the tax, and not the state legislators who made it required?

      On a related note, I considered having the bivy/tarp combo I ordered last week shipped to my parents to avoid the sales tax, but decided it was too much work for 6 bucks.

      1. “So… that poster is pissed at Amazon for the tax, and not the state legislators who made it required?”

        MARKET FAILURE! Just like the mortgage debacle; just ask shreek.

      2. Yes. Too be fair. One commenter immediately pointed that out, but then went on a whole screed about how if she were Florida she would hunt him down and audit his purchases because he’s a dirty tax cheat.

      3. Legally, I think the poster should’ve been coughing up sales tax on Amazon purchases all along.

        I’d have preferred no Florida DC. Two-day shipping is perfectly adequate, especially with a nice tax-free discount.

        1. If we’re going to get all legal, I believe the poster should’ve been coughing up use tax on those purchases all along.

          1. Either way, the poster must be burned as a tax scofflaw and a traitor.

    3. What did Amazon do (or not do)?

      1. Never mind. I read above.

  43. . . . producing a live-action Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie.

    Why the emphasis on ‘live-action’? The damn tv show wasn’t a cartoon.

    1. Might as well have been…

  44. WHAT

    Americans who have never tried McDonald’s, and then made them try McDonald’s.

    1. Buzzfeed keeps filling up my Internet with crap!

      *shakes fist at sky*

    2. The hot chick took one bite then went back to feeding her self image as a ‘holistic heath coach’ by finding reasons to hate it.

      Then she compares the experience of taking a single bite of a big mac to ‘popping a cherry’.

      I’d still bang her. But then I’d have to tell her something to make her go away forever. Limitless possibility there, really.

    1. “Dolce, you swine, I said DOLCE!”

  45. You cannot simply institute a 7% price hike across the board without consequences. Goodbye Amazon.

    With any luck, this fucking knucklehead will write an outraged letter to his Congressman which will result in a multi year tax audit.

  46. Boko Haram kidnapper hideout located in “Dark and Dangerous Forest Full of Snakes and… Giant Crabs?

    http://www.foxnews.com/world/2…..militants/

    Also = Needs Moar Sensationals Adjectives??

    “The ruthless Islamic terrorist behind the kidnapping of hundreds of Nigerian schoolgirls is believed to be holed up in abandoned military bunkers deep inside a remote forest eight times larger than Yellowstone and teeming with wicked and poisonous snakes.

    The dreaded Sambisa Forest, a game reserve in the northeastern part of the embattled nation, provides bloodthirsty Boko Haram leader Abubakar Shekau safe haven from Nigeria’s security forces, many of whom are said to be afraid to venture into the wooded no man’s land.

    Umar Maryah, a professor at Nigeria’s University of Maiduguri, told The Guardian that the forest hosts a large population of wildlife, including giant crustaceans, monkeys, antelopes, lions, elephants and ostriches

    I am going to assume that this piece…. of shit writing was possibly produced by Fox’s African Affiliate? It is given no byline. This is shamefully retarded stuff. The comments are a blood pool of piranha feeding on the retard-meat.

    Are there Dangerous Land Crustaceans I am unfamiliar with?

    1. Well, I believe wood lice are crustaceans.

      1. Not that they’re particularly dangerous.

    2. Coconut crabs!

      Well, maybe surly mutant coconut crabs with lasers on their frickin’ heads.

      1. I would carry a fucking shotgun around with me nonstop if I lived in a place that had those.

        1. You wanna make em mad?

    3. Are there Dangerous Land Crustaceans I am unfamiliar with?

      Lobster Girl will save us!

    4. I don’t know is they’re dangerous, but I’m not messing with a coconut crab.

      1. Suck it, Mad Scientist, mine was even higher resolution!

        Now go watch that scene from Barbarella.

        1. From Hell’s heart, I stab at thee! For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee!

          1. Did you just call me a whale?

            1. It’s more of a metaphor, really.

              1. Well I didn’t think you were calling me a literal cetacean…

                Speaking of cetaceans: Iiiit’s the ciiiircle of liiiiifeee

                A group of boaters watched in horror last week as a horde of killer whales attacked a mother gray whale and its young calf off the coast of California.

                The hunt lasted for nearly two hours in the Monterey Bay on April 20 and whale watchers say about 20 transient orcas worked to separate the little whale as it clung desperately to its mom.

                “They came in waves, like attack swarms of hockey players,” said Bart Selby, a field scout, to the San Francisco Gate newspaper.

                Orcas, Canadians of the sea?

                The mother quickly fled the area as the orcas fed on the calf and celebrated by breaching and slapping their tails on the water, Selby added.

                Or just sea-bros?

                There’s video and gifs embedded in the article.

                1. Those orcas are going to be in for a big surprise when Greenpeace starts following them around in one of their derelict ships.

                2. Oh if only there had been some way to predict that something called a Killer Whale might be prone to violence.

    1. No Colonel Meow? No cheezburger kitteh?

  47. Are there Dangerous Land Crustaceans I am unfamiliar with?

    Yes. They are ravenous and fleet of foot. No one sees them and lives.

    1. fleet of foot

      Dog whistle!

      Can I subscribe to your newsletter!?

  48. Minacoin: a cryptocurrency of 21 million… ‘minas’ I guess backed by two 400-ounce gold bars such that each are worth a dime. Some compare it to E-gold.

    Question: how did e-gold work? How did people ‘trade’ their ‘gold’ without the underlying BTC protocol? I have literally no idea how e-gold worked.

    http://www.examiner.com/articl…..re?cid=rss

  49. Now that I have looked at Jesse’s coconut crab picture, I have a question.

    What the fuck is in that trash can? Why hasn’t it tipped over, for crying out loud?

    Okay, two questions.

    1. More coconut crabs?

  50. Playing hard to get.

    Many of my twentysomething friends and I rue the days of wasting hours calculating how many words we needed to write in our texts so we wouldn’t come across as needy, but we still struggle now to send three texts in a row without breaking out in a cold sweat.

    hehe.

    Has any man, in history, ever cut off contact because of 3 texts in a row? (I know women have, that’s not what I’m asking)

    Is this where the Jezebel crowd’s resentment comes from? They imagine that guys are as picky a they are?

    I know the opposite is true. The guys who get all ripped at the gym because they assume that the women have the same values that they do. They wonder around a bar getting shot down, then pick random fights out of frustration.

    Is this the other half of the phenomena? Any of our small contingent of libertarian women wanna weigh in on this?

    1. You know who’s weird about this? Germans. You tell them you’re looking forward to seeing them and they act like you’ve gone full bunny boiler. It’s very disconcerting.

      1. Did you mention the war?

  51. I asked a derpbook prog to explain why racist groups like the KKK are legal, but it would be illegal for them to open up a no-blacks-allowed restaurant. It’s OK to be racist and it’s OK to sell food, but you can’t do both at the same time?

    One of his responses was that such a restaurant would surely be popular, and I guess racists should not be allowed to make money or something.

    I didn’t start out on this topic. I began by citing the case of women-only gyms and retirement communities to ask why some discrimination is OK.

    1. Because women and minorities need “safe spaces” and white males need to always be somewhere where anything they say can be misconstrued and posted on twitter with a photo and their employer tagged, for their own good.

      At least, that’s the sum of the arguments I get when I press the issue with a SJW. When they don’t just say “kyriarchy” and mic drop, anyway.

  52. ask why some discrimination is OK.

    “Mean people suck.”

    And I think we all know who gets to define “mean” in these cases.

  53. Lions Gate Entertainment announced today that it is producing a live-action Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie.

    OH. MY. GOD. It appears as if there is still some good in the world, after all.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-8WHOEs9IE

  54. When have the Power Rangers NOT been live action?

  55. Dirty Harry and his Straw-man lies…
    Why would anyone take seriously what this senile old goat says?
    How’s that land grab deal for the Chinese going there DH?

  56. So last night it was suggested that a “blame the Kochs” meme be created. I love this idea. I’ve encountered a lot of liberal who go “thanks Obama” or I blame Obama”in response to minor,ridiculous problems. This has the effect of lumping in all opposition with the most crazy people. Turbln about is a bitch.

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