Transportation Policy

Dallas Unveils Super-Safe New School Bus With Fingerprint Scanner and Rear-View 'Pedophile Finder'

Not an April Fools' gag.


Worried that a child molester is tailing your kid's school bus, just waiting for an opportunity to swoop inside and seize your child? Fear no longer. The Dallas Observer reports:

The indicator light is on.

Dallas County Schools…sent word last Friday that it was preparing to unveil the "School Bus of the Future," and that this futuristic vehicle will "will revolutionize school bus transit and exponentially increase the safe passage of students to and from school."…

A brief glance won't tell you the new buses are equipped with voice-over-IP communication systems, or that they transmit data on speed, location and acceleration in real-time. The "Thumbs-Up!" thumbprint scanner, which keeps track of which kids are on the bus and whether they're supposed to be there, is also hard to see unless you're really pressing your face to the glass, as are the multiple interior security cameras.

Slightly easier to notice is the rear-facing camera, dubbed—no joke—the "Pedophile Finder."

"I wish we could have come up with a better name for it," says Dallas County Schools spokeswoman Allison Allison. (Yes, that's the correct name.) The camera, mounted on the top portion of the school bus and positioned to capture the license plate of tailing vehicles, isn't just to catch pedophiles. It could be a parent who lost custody of their child, or a kidnapper. But "Pedophile Finder" was the name that stuck.

"The bus driver can't tell if somebody's tailing him but if they recognize a pattern of a car following a bus" based on video, they can take appropriate measures.

Your guess is as good as mine as to what those "appropriate measures" might be. The bus does not come with a rear-mounted machine gun, so it's not that.

Dallas parents can see the "BusGuard System" specs here, can read a press release about the buses here, and can look for homeschooling support groups here.

[Via Lenore Skenazy and Maggie McNeill.]

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  1. The “Thumbs-Up!” thumbprint scanner, which keeps track of which kids are on the bus and whether they’re supposed to be there

    So now you’re forced to fingerprint your brat like a common criminal if you want to send him to the mandatory government schools? How long until they try to create the DNA database this way?

    1. “How long until they try to create the DNA database this way?”

      Um, that was the whole point I’m sure.

    2. That is the price you pay for government schools.

  2. How long till impatient drivers get SWATTED?

  3. Spare no expense for the precious snowflakes.

  4. I thought it was ped + philos, a camera to prevent running over lovely pedestrians.

    1. I prefer ped + phyllo: pastry made from the soft flesh of those orphans I don’t have working in my monocle factory.

      1. You have a monocle factory??? Can I purchase a dozen??, the one I have broke. And please invent ear monocles….. And edible ones too!!! They could give those out at church. The body of monopoly mans daughter. OH YEAH!!!!

  5. But who will protect the kids from the bus driver?…..nk1972.jpg

  6. Your guess is as good as mine as to what those “appropriate measures” might be. The bus does not come with a rear-mounted machine gun, so it’s not that.

    No smokescreen?

    No oil spray?

    No Wile E Coyote thumbtack dumper?

    It’s like they don’t even care about keeping those children safe.

    1. Where are the ejector seats? Is it amphibious? I think Q fell down on the job on this.


    Has no one watched this before? I’ve linked to it like 100 times. I sincerely think its one of the best things that has ever been televised. So good, that the BBC pulled the plug on it mid-broadcast.

    1. Just watched a bit looks hilarious. Plus narrated by Robert Webb, that guy could narrate the ingredients to a box of cereal and make me laugh.

      1. You should watch their Drugs episode. It’s amazing.

        “The late night streets of Britain: Now so full of drugs, not even the dealers know them all.”

        “People say alcohol’s a drug. It’s not a drug, it’s a drink.”

        “Are one in three 15 year olds really on drugs? No we proved it in tests. To preserve the anonymity of our 15 year old volunteers, we replaced each of them with 3 5-year olds. Not one of them had even heard of drugs.”

        1. “People say alcohol’s a drug. It’s not a drug, it’s a drink.”

          Well, I think there is the solution. If I just put my heroin and coke into some lemonade, then it’s just a drink!

          1. This is the same reason why nicotine gum is fine but e-cigs are a crime.

      2. Chris Morris narrated it, but close. They’re both hilarious.

    2. Thanks for the link, I’m going to watch. Just curious, how many here have seen ‘The House I Live In’, available on Netflix.

      It’s not a great documentary on the WOD, but it’s a good start for anyone who doesn’t know anything about the subject.

      1. Cani-Blis, LMAO!

    3. example of why that is so awesome

      Known Pedophile = before and after photos

    4. I know I’m late coming back to this thread, but have you seen Four Lions? It’s also by Chris Morris and it’s got the same dark satirical humor. If you like Brass Eye you’d love it.

      1. And it’s on Netflix.

  8. Needs tank treads and armor. And an armed escort of cops working overtime.

  9. “The bus driver can’t tell if somebody’s tailing him but if they recognize a pattern of a car following a bus” based on video, they can take appropriate measures.

    Oh great. So next thing I know I’m going to get a visit from the sheriff because, while driving to work, I get stuck behind the stupid school bus a couple times a week.

    1. What were you doing behind the bus, sarc? That’s mighty suspicious behavior. No one NEEDS to be behind a school bus, after all.

      1. And why were you stopped behind the bus?

        Do you have dashcam video proving that red lights were flashing?

      2. He gets “stuck” behind the school bus a couple times a week, just like he gets “stuck” beating his wife cause she’s mouthy.

        1. Well, all wifeys are mouthy, so let the beatings commence.

        2. The only wife I slap around is yours, and she likes it.

  10. Look, Murika needs a new a constantly added to and never ending stream of boogey men, terrorists, and super villains, who are out to get the childins.

    Otherwise, how can we be ensured that the government gets more tax dollars to keep us safe?

    1. I just want to say that the United States is becoming one super creepy society.

      1. “Is becoming”? I think you have the tense wrong. 🙁

        1. And the squirrels don’t take the weekend off. 🙁

          1. This morning, the ‘cute’ little squirrel that my wife protects from my evil gunz, decided to jump onto her precious peacock wind chime and rend it into pieces, you know typical squirrel behavior, when she suddenly called me to ‘DO SOMETHING’!

            I chased the squirrel off and casually reminded her that I had already suggested the solution, and she impeded me from making it happen.

  11. …..”But homeschooling is terrible and must be banned.”

  12. Do you want to know why it’s so easy for politicians to openly lie and yet people keep believing them and electing them back to office, again and again?

    Here’s why:

    Fairies are real!

    Read the comments.


    1. And it’s especially creepy that all the comments are from two months into the future!

      1. Maybe since they WANT to believe in fairies, which are obviously mayflies, then they also WANT to believe that they’re in the future, despite that fact that they obviously are not.

  13. while driving to work, I get stuck behind the stupid school bus a couple times a week.

    Don’t forget, trying to avoid getting stuck behind the school bus is suspicious behavior.

    Deeply suspicious. Why don’t you want to be filmed following the bus, babyraper?


    1. Obviously, when he’s behind a school bus, if he has nothing to hide, then he won’t resist when the cops pull him over for the mandatory anal probe, you know to make sure that you aren’t hiding any childins pRon up your arse?

  14. You should keep in mind that these people are Mancunians.

    Mancs are fucking nuts.

  15. A pedophile finder? Oh shit, I can’t believe this is happening to us… whoops, I, I, I mean this is great! Woo-hoooo, yeah!!

  16. …but if they recognize a pattern of a car following a bus” based on video, they can take appropriate measures.

    I’m trying to imagine how the high functioning alcoholics and retarded nephews of school board members, hired as bus drivers, could recognize driving patterns, when they need a computerized fingerprint machine to recognize the children they pick up and drop off every fucking day.

    1. This is the sort of independent, logical thinking that public schools discourage.

  17. Still no seatbelts (that I could see).

    But a child not wearing a seatbelt in your car will get you a hefty fine Mr. Citizen, and you’re lucky if CPS doesn’t get involved.

    1. Seatbelts? Aren’t they supposed to be in backwards facing car seats until they’re 8 years old and at least 5ft tall? And then in booster seats until they reach 26 years of age?

  18. OT:

    Republicans suggest more options under Obamacare

    Well, that whole repeal thing was silly anyway, cause jerbz. But expanding the federal government by any means possible, there is something that we can all get behind.

    1. Well, that whole repeal thing was silly anyway

      Um doesn’t Reason magazine think the same thing?

      1. I’m not sure, so what if they do?

  19. So I’ve been reading a bit about the French Revolution. I know that the political terms left and right came from it and according to Rothbard, Sheldon Richman and co., Left then was identical with classical liberalism and in turn was anti-war and anti-state.

    And imagine my surprise when I read about these leftists of the 1790s and found that they were quite pro-war and pro-state. You know what with the September Massacres, Reign of Terror, the Maximum, conscription, the Cult of Reason (drink!), centralization, massacres of anti-government rebels and war to spread the ideals of the Revolution.

    So does this mean the left-libertarians are quite reactionary? Saying that libertarians are similar to the Jacobins and the enrages makes about as much sense as saying that libertarians and the Taliban are quite similar since both oppose US Foreign Policy and the Public School system.

    1. Left was basically everyone who wasn’t a royalist.

      Bastiat was sitting on the same side as the socialists.

      So of course the terror came from the “left” side. Just not the same parts we’d identify with.

      1. The fact that Bastiat and Proudhon shared the “left” makes it especially funny when the modern progressive refers to libertarians or the Koch brothers as “far right” activists.

        When the socialists want to categorize both libertarians and national socialists as right wing, there’s something amiss in their labeling system. One might think that everyone other than them is simply lumped in together as right wing in the same way that everyone who isn’t a Korean is called a “foreigner.”

  20. “The bus driver can’t tell if somebody’s tailing him but if they recognize a pattern of a car following a bus” based on video, they can take appropriate measures.”

    Uh….dont buses follow the same routes at the same times every day? Don’t many people do the same thing going to and from work? I think the chances are about 100 fucking percent that you will see a pattern of people following school buses.

    Only an fanatical idiot could come up with that. They are going to find what they are looking for whether it is there or not.

    1. I guess I’m going to be on another list soon. I’m one of those often stuck behind the school bus.

      I’ve noticed that just about every kid being picked up either has their parent waiting with them or, even more common, the parent drives their car to the end of the driveway and sits there idling until the bus comes so their special snowflake doesn’t have to be out in the weather.

      1. Just wait until changing your pattern comes up as suspicious behavior.

    2. I’m counting on this as a cover for my efforts.

  21. They should mandate that all school bus drivers pull over and let the string of cars behind them pass. Uh, for the children.

  22. Does the new school bus have those damn new LED strobing red lights? The new ones around here have replaced the slow alternating blinking lights, which are easily identifiable as a school bus, with strobing lights that make it difficult to see the object and look the same until quite close as a stopped police car or tow truck, which can be passed when their red lights are flashing.

    1. Strobe lights, LED lights, on buses, cop cars, fire engines etc. are all TOO bright!

      The reason people drive badly around such vehicles is not that they don’t see them, it’s that they don’t care. It’s like screaming at your beagle, it’s not that she doesn’t hear you, it’s just that she has other stuff on her mind.

      Ditch the lights! Better light does not mean more light!

  23. “I wish we could have come up with a better name for it,” says Dallas County Schools spokeswoman Allison Allison. (Yes, that’s the correct name.)

    Inability to choose decent names runs in her family.

    1. Maybe Stan Lee got to name her?

  24. “Your guess is as good as mine as to what those “appropriate measures” might be. The bus does not come with a rear-mounted machine gun, so it’s not that.”

    Mandatory evasive driving courses and combat training for schoolbus drivers?

    1. Use the VOIP communication system to order a drone strike?

  25. Their usage of “exponentially” leads one to believe they think it is a lot. Then again, since they are not revealing the exponent, or the rest of the equation, they might just be trying to pull a fast one.

    1. The exponent is the variable in exponential growth; it’s the base that’s fixed.

  26. This is the bus of the future!

    “You eat one lousy foot, and they call you a cannibal.@

  27. After a few years of success with the fingerprinting on school buses, it will be expanded to regular city buses and then to all forms of transportation. “If it works to protect children, why not protect adults too?”

  28. the teaching might suck, but hey, the kids get a sweet ride.

    I would pray for my child to be the first to wedgie a nerd in the back of the FutureBus.


    I note, all spelling and grammatical errors are from the original here

    The School Bus Safety Program
    Saves Lives, Generates Revenue, Provided at No Cost

    (image of children on school bus)

    The School Bus Safety Program provides force multiplier management systems for school districts to help improve the overall safety of school transportation and create additional revenue for the school district. This program is a turnkey operation, meaning Busguard will provide all of the necessary (sp) equipment as well as installation, training and oversee the program at no cost to the school district.”

    Busguard loads 100% of
    your school district’s fleet
    our systems for FREE!””

    Robert Leonard, Chairman/CEO/Managing Partner

    They keep saying this “free” thing over and over. which really does suggest how criminal the whole thing must be

    Most of the “key selling points” they list on that link strike me as primarily having the virtue of *requiring more staff* = because the point of surveillance technology isn’t *just* to throw millions of dollars into the toilet of government contractors – its also to add new jobs to your existing bureaucracy; because who’s going to do the monitoring and reporting? also, maintenance.

  30. They put the PedoCam on the wrong end. Over the last several years, at least on the San Antonio “News”, almost all the people caught molesting kids were working for schools.

  31. But, but, but…this is not enough. No sir. We also need there to be cameras mounted on the sides, and front, in search of pederass’; metal detectors to search for weapons; background searches and no-ride lists, to ensure there are no dangerous passengers, trained dogs to search for drugs; and drones to to ensure the bus safely goes from point A to B.

  32. Pedofinder would’ve been better.

    Fuck, I did better in 2 seconds than a committee did in a year.

  33. Hmmm, I like the idea of a rear mounted machine gun.

  34. Anything to deflect attention from the pedophiles already inside the schools.

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