Indiana Jones and the FBI Raid of Doom


He's a "real life Indiana Jones," trumpets a Time headline today. The publication is referring to Don Miller, a 91-year-old Indiana man. We have no idea what sort of inventive traps and possessive, violent aboriginal warriors (or Nazis!) he may have had to overcome to amass his huge collection of artifacts, but he can now say he knows what it's like to be the target of a raid.
On Wednesday, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) descended on his home and seized it and all his belongings, including thousands of historical and cultural artifacts obtained over the past 80 years.
The FBI believes some of them were obtained illegally, but they don't know which ones (if any), and it may take them months—or even years—to find out. From the Indianapolis Star:
Robert A. Jones, special agent in charge of the Indianapolis FBI office, would not say at a news conference specifically why the investigation was initiated, but he did say the FBI had information about Miller's collection and acted on it by deploying its art crime team.
FBI agents are working with art experts and museum curators, and neither they nor Jones would describe a single artifact involved in the investigation, but it is a massive collection. Jones added that cataloging of all of the items found will take longer than "weeks or months."
"Frankly, overwhelmed," is how Larry Zimmerman, professor of anthropology and museum studies at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis described his reaction. "I have never seen a collection like this in my life except in some of the largest museums."
The monetary value of the items and relics has not been determined, Jones said, but the cultural value is beyond measure. In addition to American Indian objects, the collection includes items from China, Russia, Peru, Haiti, Australia and New Guinea, he said.
Miller has not been charged with any crimes. Indeed, according to the Star, this entire raid is to determine whether any of the artifacts were illegally obtained:
The aim of the investigation is to determine what each artifact is, where it came from and how Miller obtained it, Jones said, to determine whether some of the items might be illegal to possess privately.
Jones acknowledged that Miller might have acquired some of the items before the passage of U.S. laws or treaties prohibited their sale or purchase.
So because they don't know whether Miller had obtained any of these artifacts illegally, they seized an elderly man's home and his property to find out.
From what we know of Indiana Jones, he probably would support the FBI here anyway:
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"So you see, Mr. Miller, there is nothing you have that I cannot dickishly take away from you."
I feel safer already. Remember, government is a word for when we raid old men together.
Well if he didn't break any laws, he should be fine with this investigation. He is only inconvenienced and will get his collection back if it is legal. If he broke any laws, he deserves what he gets.
/my mother-in-law
Where'd you get that china and silver?
I'll just keep it all until you can prove it.
huh. I thought it was when the old men got the stupid young men to raid me.
That too.
FBI agents are working with art experts and museum curators, and neither they nor Jones would describe a single artifact involved in the investigation, but it is a massive collection.
Sounds like they've Top Men working on it.
Who?
TOP.MEN.
Top. Men.
Too slow junior.
Too Shlow junior.
Sean Connery approves.
Who?
The same ones that sealed the Ark of the Covenant in a warehouse, of course.
What a massive conflict of interest.
Anything that is illegal for him to own will wind up in a museum. So lets ask a bunch of museums if anything is illegal for him to own and belongs in their collections, instead.
Anyone with half a brain would have brought in these museum experts under an agreement that their museum is disqualified from obtaining any of these artifacts.
"Papers, please."
deploying its art crime team.
Mission creep? What mission creep?
I hope their budget wasn't cut during the sequester, that would have been a disaster.
Agent Kramer is a total dick.
April Fools, in a free country like the USA, investigators would first have to prove probable cause to an impartial judge to obtain a warrant to do something like this!
The monetary value of the items and relics has not been determined
DING DING DING
And when it is, and when they find some artifacts that are "illegal" (and they will), it will all be seized by Uncle Sam.
Remember, folks, if you have anything of conspicuously high value, like $40,000 in cash in your car or priceless artifacts, and it's provenance isn't clearly documented, and the government finds out, it's going to take it from you. Because it's voracious and because it can.
The IRS Shock Troops are gearing up as we speak. They're just having the dickens of a time getting their equipment over their raging hard-ons.
Why should that be a problem?
Because they have small organs, ergo their hard-ons aren't that big.
Don't be stupid, Epi. The government can't just do whatever it wants. We have oversight, rule of law, democracy, and accountabilibuddy. Why just imagine the repercussions that this raid will have when the FBI is up for reelection in 2016.
Wait a minute. I thought if you hadn't done anything wrong........
Now they want to crawl up everyone's ass with a microscope to find out if we have ever done anything wrong in the past....great.
Where is Pedo-bot to proclaim that he loves it when one of these heroes gets clipped?
Nazis. I hate these guys.
FBI. Why did it have to be FBI...
They were doing some good work last week, but they have stopped, apparently.
The 'Federal Bureau' part didn't alert you that these guys are thugs who would trample over your rights in .2 seconds if given a shred of an opportunity?
I wasn't complaining when they locked up Leland Yee.
I have a couple of suggestions about where they can put their "art crimes" budget, though.
I have a couple of suggestions about where they can put their "art crimes" budget, though.
Buncha art fags. You'll Raid for Anything
He should have hid his collection under the soap.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7AnOp3nkp4&feature=kp
FBI. Why did it have to be FBI...
I'm having trouble looking them up. Could you spell that?
Dea ain't a word.
Maybe they should seize his BMW and investigate to see if it was stolen. Take it out for some test drives as part of their investigation.
Oh, and these Cuban cigars may have been illegally imported. We'll have to smoke them to find out.
If you happen to be in central Indiana, and want to see an awesome collection of taxidermy, go to Irving Materials offices at the junction of State Road 9 at route 234. You can get a hint of what's going on from Google street view. But if you live anywhere within 200 miles of the spot, and like dead, stuffed, exotic animals, you must make the trip.
So what did the FBI put on the search warrant?
"Looking for illegal stuff"?
FYTW
"It's time to bring back general warrants"
What difference, at this point, does it make?
"pottery"
The whole "cultural heritage" thing is bullshit and probably has a lot to do with this. Sorry, you do not own everything that your ancestors might have made or used in the distant past. Unless there is a specific complaint that a specific artifact was stolen, leave people alone.
The Umatilla tribe would like to have a word with you.
That article basically says they found a bunch of bones scattered in a reservoir, and they built a skeleton out of it. No wonder the anatomical features are all fucked up.
He must've stole that, too!
Here's a bit of FBI history on this Robert Jones. He seems to have went from counter-terrorism right into being an art raider.
Wonder where they found a professor so willing to disregard constitutional rights? Had he no questions at all about potential complicity in a government crime?
Do you know who else had a degree in administration of justice?
Hitler?
I was thinking more along the lines of Steven Seagal or Dolph Lundgren.
Wonder where they found a professor so willing to disregard constitutional rights?
I'm guessing in the vicinity of a museum that would like to take over his collection.
Wonder where they found a professor so willing to disregard constitutional rights?
Kind of a... self answering question I'd say.
Who tipped off the FBI?
"Miller has not been charged with any crime."
This is very much like the government's raid on Gibson Guitars.
My guess is the anthro professor from Purdue mentioned in the article.
IUPUI, actually. Pronounced, "EweePoowee".
I would find it hilarious if the guy they're raiding had actually anonymously implicated himself just because he wanted his stuff cataloged before he died.
I wonder if this guy has made any campaign donations recently.
Do not worry ,Mister Miller.
Your property will be packed in branded wooden crates and placed in a secure Federal repository alongside mant thousands of others.
"It may be 30 years ? or never ? before they have it all cataloged."
Wow, just wow.
So he will quite possibly be dead before they determine that he may never have committed a crime? WTF.
He will certainly be dead before he gets any of it back.
His heirs will have to fight for it.
And, you know the great thing about seizing a huge collection of uncataloged artifacts? Nobody knows what you seized, really, so nobody knows what you didn't give back. And, there's no way for them to prove that all that pottery wasn't broken when you took it.
Once again, I ask: Which neighbor turned him in?
When nice old man shows you his cool shit at his house don't tell a professor about it at a cocktail party.
I heard that Robert A. Jones, special agent in charge, indeed loves SAC on his face.
Oh... as a museum custodian, I say fuck the FBI.
And I don't mean I'm a janitor. I mean that the museum's concerns are partly trusted in my custody.
Sure. Don't need to church it up boy.
Oh and the women's restroom is outta toilet paper.