Borders

Finally, a Border Solution That Satisfies Everybody

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Border fence
Department of Defense/Public Domain

Arizona lawmakers may not have a reputation as rocket scientists (smart Arizonans know better than to waste time and effort in government), but this time they've come up with a stroke of genius: a solution to the battle over border control that should satisfy all parties. Who could object to a virtual virtual fence? No, I didn't stutter.

Faced with a lack of enthusiasm for the expense involved in a measure to install a chain of high-tech towers intended to monitor border crossings, Sen. Bob Worsley (R-Mesa) settled for mandating the fence, but providing no resources for its actual construction.

According to Howard Fischer of Capitol Media Services:

PHOENIX—A Senate panel voted Tuesday to set up a "virtual fence' along the U.S.-Mexico border—but provided absolutely no cash to do that.

The 8-1 vote came after Sen. Bob Worsley, R-Mesa, realized he could get no traction for his original proposal to spend $30 million to build a network of 300 towers, each equipped with cameras and radar. So the scaled-back version, HB 2461, simply authorizes the virtual fence—and delayed until next year the question of whether Arizona taxpayers will actually pick up the tab.

That's right. Senators voted for tough border surveillance of the sort to please immigration warriors, but with the low price of nothing sure to charm fiscal hawks. Open border advocates will, of course, be happy about the lack of actual fencing provided by the virtual virtual fencing measure.

If only lawmakers elsewhere would adopt this sort of can-pretend-to-do attitude, the rest of us would have so much less to worry about when legislatures met. We could either applaud their firm intent, or their merciful lack of follow-through, depending on our inclinations.

NEXT: Rand Paul Sets Up Nationwide Network for 2016, Law Firm Say Christie Wasn't Involved in Bridge Scandal, IMF To Give Ukraine $14-18 Billion: P.M. Links

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  1. Too cheap even for the Less Nessman approach, eh?

    1. “Venus do you realize you just walked right through my wall?”

  2. This could solve the Obamacare problem.

    “Congratulations!!! You have officially enrolled in Virtual Health Care!!

    1. Sort of the “never claim” policy that the Brits pioneered for motor insurance?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO2R_DDZPCM

      1. What about the nude lady?

        1. Pretty sure they didn’t pioneer that.

  3. Sen. Bob Worsley (R-Mesa) settled for mandating the fence, but providing no resources for its actual construction.

    Ah, ingenious! Something like the Lieutenant Kij? of fences, as told by Hieronymus Carl Friedrich Baron von M?nchhausen!

  4. “They pretend like they pay us, we thus pretend like we build it!”

  5. That is the most efficient use of govt I have ever seen. Bravo.

  6. The government should hire mimes to patrol the virtual wall.

    1. Gives you a virtual multiplier of 1.5, or so Krugman says.

  7. The problem with most government(s) is the reverse: They spend billions on projects that don’t actually exist or function.

  8. — How about “Success! A Final Solution To The Border Problem!”

    — Hmm, sounds like a line from the musical Springtime for Hitler… think of some other title!

    (A day in the life of the editorial boardroom or Reason.)

  9. A fence as real as the border itself.

  10. Obama virtually closed Gitmo, virtually enhanced our relationship with allies, and virtually pursued the IRS scandal.

    He’s the virtual Prez!

    1. And virtually eliminated the military threat from Russia

  11. If only the government would do this regarding everything.

    1. I’d pay higher taxes for that.

      1. That’s funny – but I’m in too – if I could honestly pay more taxes and it would result in politicians doing less, or in them creating only virtual solutions/laws/regulations… I’m in too.

  12. Wait, I dislike CA and NM as much as the next Arizonan, but why are we building a fence around the state to keep them out?

  13. We don’t have to pay for wars, why should we have to pay for fences?

    1. But tony, in your magical government world, Government just prints more money? Why is gay tony sad?

      1. Well all-caps Gilmore, the point is that the same people who waged the first war in history while cutting taxes are the ones who claim to care the most about fiscal responsibility. Ask them about free shit.

        1. You aren’t making sense gay tony. Why are you worried about paying for anything? I thought government debt was a myth? Sadbeard told us so?

      2. Whoever said it the other day is right: Tony has a new operator.

        1. Oh, yeah. Doesn’t sound like Tony 2.0 or Tony 1.0. What is the point of such ham-fisted propagandizing?

          Just go back to ignoring it.

          1. Yeah, this one is actually dumber than the last one.

            Or the second one. The first one was an idiot too.

          2. I hope this one gets paid a lot less. It seems that OFA has been hiring a lot of scrubs lately.

            1. I always thought Tony worked for Media Matters.

    2. Re: Tony,

      We don’t have to pay for wars, why should we have to pay for fences?

      We can print our way to riches! Didn’t you get the memo from Lady Yellen?

  14. So wait, there won’t be slicey lasers?
    (skip to 0:55 for the carnage part)

    1. as a personal request, I ask people NOT post links to video showing human beings being dismembered, please.

      Call me crazy, but I think its bad taste.

      1. *tucks vestigial tail between legs and slinks away with wounded look*

        1. Well I thought it was fun.

          1. No, its me. I am ubersqueamish.

            It started with a bad childhood reaction to Dawn Of The Dead, and was sealed with witnessing someone’s chest being cracked for heart surgery. Oh, also, in-between witnessing a messy fatal car-crash.

            I’m squeamish.

            1. Why don’t we give you a trigger warning?

              1. Oh, dip.

                I just got given a bitch-slap… by Susan.

                What can I say? I’m not down with people being vivisected. Weird, right?

      2. I only don’t click on them when they show real people getting dismembered for real.

        1. I find the real ones educational.

          “Damn, I had no idea they just popped off like that.”

          “I now know what not to do.”

          1. I spent a few hours watching wisdomtoothectomies when I was considering having mine done. Still dunno whether I need it, but the procedure’s fun to watch.

      3. And as a personal request, I’ll kindly tell you to fuck off.

        It wasn’t even someone actually getting dismembered. It was CGI, and not very good CGI at that.

        1. Aw, you were shortchanged.

    2. Milla Jovovich: the only thing making the Resident Evil movies worthwhile. She still couldn’t make Ultraviolet watchable, though.

      1. Epi likes chicks who resemble adolescent boys. Noted.

        1. I apologize for nothing!

        2. He prefers shemales who resemble adolescent girls, but can appreciate the reverse in a pinch.

          NTTAWWT.

    3. aw I was hoping this was going to be from Cube

      1. Cube is a surprisingly good movie. Especially being Canadian. In fact, the whole series is pretty good if I recall correctly. And Nicole de Boer is quite adorable.

        1. Hmmm. Usually I denounce with great fervor any movie you like, but it’s hard to turn down anything with Nicole de Boer in it.

          1. It’s an interesting film. It reminds me of House of Stairs.

            1. I didn’t really get Cube. Random seeming people wander around not knowing WTF is going on and getting killed in interesting ways, with the beyond-aspie guy being the only survivor.

              Unless it is a meta-parody of Bill Gates’ rise to power, it seemed kind of pointless.

              1. Someone needs to do one. That bastard’s extincting my software in ten days.

              2. Unless it is a meta-parody of Bill Gates’ rise to power, it seemed kind of pointless.

                That’s the point. One of the guys in the Cube helped design some small part of it for a government project and he explained he had no idea what it was for.

                It was a critique of the pointless and arbitrary nature of government bureaucracy, and that governments are capable of great evil even without any (or most) of the individual actors being evil themselves because of the insulating nature of compartmentalization.

                The fact that the homicidal power-mad thug was a cop was also a not-so-subtle jab at the government.

  15. ITS THE SNEAKIEST KIND OF FENCE

    *INVISIBLE FENCE*

    1. My dogs have those. All we have to do is get all teh Mexikuns to wear those shock collars.

      1. The problem with that is, if they ignore the shock because they are chasing a squirrel, they won’t cross back over once the adrenaline wears off.

  16. these people should all be re-elected! They came up with a solution and it’s free! It’s like the perpetual energy machine I have in my garage.

  17. Speaking of immigration: After 500 years, Span says it’s cool with Jews living there again

    The Jews who flock to the two medieval synagogues in this walled city are tourists, not worshipers. No one of their faith has practiced it in the temples’ exquisitely decorated precincts since 1492.
    That was the year King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella, besides dispatching Christopher Columbus to look for a passage to India, decreed that the Jews of Spain had to either convert to Christianity or quit the country. Many fled ? and were robbed, beaten or raped on the way out. Those who stayed faced possible torture and a gruesome death in the Spanish Inquisition.
    More than half a millennium later, Spain says it is intent on rectifying its “historic mistake.” Under a government proposal still to be voted on by lawmakers, descendants of Spanish Jews would be offered citizenship and welcomed back to the land that drove out their ancestors.
    Up to 3.5 million Jews worldwide trace their lineage to Spain, although it’s not clear how or when their forebears made their way there in the first place. Known as Sephardic Jews after the Hebrew word for Spain, they scattered across Europe, North Africa and farther afield. Nowadays, the highest concentration of Sephardim is in Israel.

    1. They’re looking to import people to blame for their shitty economy?

      1. I’d say they’re trying to import people to prop it up.

        1. Run out of other people’s money, did they?

    2. For 10 Internet points, was Richard Feynman an Ashkenazi Jew or a Sephardic Jew?

      If you say it doesn’t matter, -10.

      1. I see what you did there 😉

    3. They aren’t welcoming back the Muslims expelled. They have good sense.

    4. You could kinda understand it if the Jews didn’t take them up on their offer. They are the one group with a pretty good reason to EXPECT the Spanish Inquisition.

    5. Serious question: why is modern Spain responsible for rectifying ancient Spain’s mistakes? Besides nobody of Spanish descent being remotely tied to the Inquisition, and besides any of the modern institutions resembling nothing of those five centuries departed, not to mention none of their victims being able to make claims against them; why should modern Spaniards feel obliged to pay for policies privileging modern Jews?

      But f’real noantisemite bro.

  18. “…but with the low price of nothing sure to charm fiscal hawks.”

    There are towns in California with practically no other income than EBTs for food, public sector jobs, and childcare subsidies. Doing nothing in a welfare state does have a price.

    1. You left out SS disability payments.

    2. This sounds more like DC to me.

      1. One and the same, Paul.. It’s the client/server model, but without a CPU and OS.

  19. Isn’t it about time that someone drew a line in the sand on this border issue? Oh wait, that’s what a border is….

    1. A border is the defining line of the property you own. If you don’t agree with borders you don’t agree with property.

      I agree that it gets confusing when talking about a town, state, or country, but don’t tell me the borders are arbitrary or unimaginable.

      1. And if you agree that other people get to decide who comes onto your property, you’re a collectivist.

        This is fun!

  20. Wouldn’t this have been cheaper still? And without losing ineffectiveness!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7nKQYhfsOg

    1. Lebowski would not and could not live in 2014 Santa Monica or Venice, CA.

  21. http://vimeo.com/87194265

    This was on my Facebook feed today. A lot of other people post derp from Marcotte and Krugman. Here’s my contribution to derp. A video obviously produced by rich white people that has Native Americans reading off of teleprompters about how bad the keystone pipeline is.

    1. Do any of them cry?

    2. It’s okay, if history’s any indication, they’re probably really Italians anyway.

    3. Comments:

      Dannielle Parisi 1 month ago
      I will stand and fight beside you. All the way from Australia. Your voices have been heard.

      kaylene worrall 1 month ago
      we hear your voices in Aotearoa New Zealand and we share your challenges here too….protection for our mother earth!!!!

      Firefly 1 month ago
      The Lakota and other indigenous people are valiantly fighting to protect Mother Earth and its creatures for future generations. It’s time for the rest of us to wake up and understand what is at stake.

      Celestial Elf 1 month ago
      Through the magic of the air we share our hearts,
      Through the magic of the fire we send our prayers skyward,
      Through the magic of the waters we will be ceaseless like the tide,
      Through the magic of the Earth we will be strong and we will rescue the Earth.

      Calypso 3 weeks ago
      Sharing around the world !! from the States to South America !!!

      1. It’s not a religion or anything.

        1. In solidarity with my fellow protectors of the earth and with the Great Spirit guiding me, I also commit myself to protection of the planet, which I will engage in today by eating a pint of “Last Living Indian DoodleSnicker Ice Cream”

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZr7ADxLff8

          1. Come on, man. Mr. Show is 90% terrible, 9% moderately funny, and 1% occasionally really funny.

            Besides, have you watched Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace yet? There are only six episodes, and all are on Youtube. The episode “Scotch Mist” is really anti-Scottish people, too, which is a huge bonus.

            1. Another Darkplace fan!?

              “I got a script, read it. Scared me senseless, comme d’habitudes. And I said to Garth, I looked straight into his face–I’ve never been afraid of holding a man’s gaze, it’s natural–I said “this is going to be the most significant televisual event since Quantum Leap.” And I do not say that lightly.”

              Epi, you and I need to go drinking sometime, I’ve got a feeling we would get along famously.

              1. Darkplace is that special kind of retarded that I love so much. Plus, they nail the 80s VHS recording so perfectly.

                “As a horror writer I don’t ask for much. I just hope I’ve changed the way you think about life.”

                Aren’t you in Seattle, or am I remembering incorrectly?

                1. Aren’t you in Seattle, or am I remembering incorrectly?

                  That’s correct. Well, Renton right now, technically, but I’m hoping to change that in the next few months.

                  1. Well, Renton right now, technically

                    Well, feel free to hit my email up (it’s under my handle).

                  2. paranoid android, if you are in Renton, Epi is looking for a Real Doll from the Fry’s there.

              2. Holy shit, Darkplace is amazing.

                The cabin crew suggested we all go out and club it. I had no option. It was that or one of their B&Bs;. I figured it’d be safer on the streets. For the first time ever I saw the Scotch in their natural habitat, and it weren’t pretty. I’d seen them huddling in stations before, being loud but? this time I was surrounded. Everywhere I went it felt like they were watching me; fish-white flesh puckered by the Highland breeze; tight eyes peering out for fresh meat; screechy, booze-soaked voices hollering out for a taxi to take ’em halfway up the road to the next all-night watering hole. A shatter of glass; a round of applause; a sixteen-year-old mother of three vomiting in an open sewer, bairns looking on, chewing on potato cakes. I ain’t never going back? not never.

            2. Yes, I watched the first three GMDP. Awesome stuff.

              BUT ITS MR SHOW HATING PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT HAVE RUINED AMERICA AND REQUIRE THE IMMEDIATE LAUNCH OF *OPERATION HELL ON EARTH*

              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSkik6EUQUc

            3. Matt Berry is gold. Having a five minute conversation about how stupid people are in large groups was one of the highlights of my sad little life.

            4. Besides, have you watched Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace yet?

              Almost got 5 minutes into the first episode, and gave it up as a bsd lot.

              Perhaps I need to smoke a LOT more weed for that to be remotely funny.

              1. Tried watching Scotch Mist — still no joy. A faux ginger with no trousers toting a lame little toadstabber from a foppish black hospital administrator — and shortbread — giving significant glances to 300-ish Scottish warriors? The fuck?

    4. I’m sure when Black liberals read off of teleprompters Whitey is responsible for that, too, right?

      1. Sure, why not? Hi, Murican!

        1. Goin’ for the early call. Gutsy!

          I haven’t seen his sorry ass in a while. Not since around the time of “The Incident”…hmmmm…

          1. It always comes back to the unified theory. I hate it when Episiarch is right.

            1. Well, even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and again.

            2. “I knew it! Insane theories, one; regular theories, a billion.”

          2. Not sure what you are talking about.

            1. That is exactly what I would expect you to say. Brilliant!

            2. Well you see, “Teller”, Murican is our regular racist xenophobic troll here who comes back regularly under a new handle to peddle his racist bullshit. If it ain’t you, you just got accused of being him.

              Congratulations, you should be so proud.

    5. Cause… the Keystone Pipeline is the only pipeline ever proposed in the US.

      1. And its the WORSTESTS!! KOCHS!!

    6. My favorite quotes:
      “You can’t eat gold”
      “You can’t drink money”

      My house has neither a lake/river nor fields to grow food, so…

      And I’m totally sure the North Dakota tribe lived off the land this winter!

      1. “Say, would anybody be willing to trade some of the food they can’t eat before it spoils for this gold?”

        1. Kulak! Wrecker!

        2. “Say, would anybody be willing to trade some of the food they can’t eat before it spoils for this gold?”

          If they’re stupid enough not to know how to either smoke, dehydrate, salt, can, preserve as a jam, or pickle their food, I’m not sure how gold is going to benefit them.

  22. Maybe this is just taking ‘there oughta be a law’ to its logical end.

  23. I oppose open borders. I oppose it because I believe in the horrible, racist idea that a nation’s leaders should put the interests of it’s citizens above the interests of foreigners. With stagnating incomes, and high unemployment, we don’t need more workers, with mass deficits, we don’t need more poor people.

    1. Well, there’s one vote for wasting a few billion dollars on some stupid fucking border lazers to appeal to his economic-ignorance and US-FIRST platitudes.

      “Because anything less than BorderLazers? is Letting LaRaza Rape Your Daughter

      1. I thought you were against Jesse’s video. I see now that you have realized the error of your ways.

      2. Yeah, and we all know mediCaid is dirt cheap, right?

        1. REAL AMERICANS KNOW HOW TO CAPITALIZE CORRECTLY

          AND PROLIFICALLY

      3. A border fence is better than nothing, but it’s not necessary. Actually punishing employers who hire illegals would be enough to deter it.

        1. “Actually punishing employers who hire illegals would be enough to deter it.”

          Yeah, we could issue ID cards and have employers verify that the people have the cards.
          That’ll add a lot of jobs (actually it won’t).

          1. Hey, someone’s got to print those ID cards. Of course, it probably won’t pay well. No where we can find some cheap labor?

            1. Know, dammit.

            2. The glazers print them in between fixing those broken windows.

          2. A lot of employers pay illegals under the table. Making a small penalty for this(six months in jail), should deter them. Employers are rarely the type to risk jail time.

            It also would be very easy to enforce the laws against identity theft. Illegals frequently steal social security numbers and use them for employment. The government does not usually bother to investigate this.

            1. WE NEED MOAR POLICE STATE FOR VICTIMLESS CRIMES.

              REAL LIBERTARIANS KNOW THIS

              1. America workers are the victims of immigration.

            2. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 8:42PM|#
              “A lot of employers pay illegals under the table. Making a small penalty for this(six months in jail), should deter them. Employers are rarely the type to risk jail time.”

              Your hypothetical is noted and laughed at.

              1. BLEEEEEERRRB

                1. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 9:33PM|#
                  “BLEEEEEERRRB”

                  I’m guessing learned in Kindergarten recess, right, brain-dead asshole?

            3. I like that in your universe half a year in prison for the grand sin of paying someone to do a job is a ‘small penalty.’

              1. Compare it to the penalty for breaking into someone’s house and stealing a few hundred dollars worth of goods.

                1. Well, in the burglary scenario, there’s actually a victim.

                  1. The American working class is the victim of illegal employment.

                    1. That’s like saying I’m a victim of hunger. No, it’s just reality. Man up, Susie.

                    2. Well, suppose you became disabled and couldn’t work. Would you want there to be a safety net to help you? What if there was no safety net? What if you had to rely on “private charity,” which everyone knows works SO WELL in the third world.

                    3. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 11:27PM|#
                      “Well, suppose you became disabled and couldn’t work.”

                      Well, gee, imagine your wife’s uncle had this really bad disease, and…
                      Fuck off.

                    4. So you’re arguing we should consign Mexicans to perpetual crushing poverty in a gang riddled northern Mexico so American wages don’t drop 15 cents an hour?

                      Who is being victimized again?

                    5. You can read from my original comment:

                      . I oppose it because I believe in the horrible, racist idea that a nation’s leaders should put the interests of it’s citizens above the interests of foreigners.

                      You want to let those gang members immigrate too?

                    6. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 11:24PM|#
                      “You want to let those gang members immigrate too?”

                      So it’s “for the chillunz!”
                      Do you think that’s clever? New? Take a hike, asshole. We’ve seen that story more times than I care to count.

                    7. chillunz? Is that some type of Mexican food or something?

                    8. chillunz? Is that some type of Mexican food or something?

                      Blood libel!

        2. AMERICAN WILL SPEND BILLIONS FOR ‘BETTER THAN NOTHING’

          BECAUSE NOTHING MEANS *NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH*

    2. And what if what’s in the best interests of the citizens is also in the best interests of the foreigners?

      1. It’s not.

          1. Liberal propaganda is liberal propaganda. IF THERE IS SO MUCH DEMAND FOR IMMIGRANTS WHY ARE THEIR WAGES SO LOW? And I love the “immigrants start businesses” line, as if the immigrants who start most of those businesses are from Guatemala and Haiti.

            1. Low compared to what?

              1. Americans want a level on income necessary to live a life as good as or better than their parents did. They don’t want a wage that is high compared to third world levels, because they like to think they live in a first world country.

                1. Wait, I’m confused. Whose wages are you concerned about? I thought it was the immigrants’. If not, I’m not sure what your worried about.

                  1. It is American worker’s.

                    1. Then I’m still missing the point.

                2. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 7:59PM|#
                  “Americans want a level on income necessary to live a life as good as or better than their parents did.”

                  Yeah, and I want a purple unicorn!

                  1. It tells you something about left-libertarianism that Sevo sees that as a totally unreasonable desire.

                    1. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 8:31PM|#
                      “It tells you something about left-libertarianism that Sevo sees that as a totally unreasonable desire.”

                      What I meant was ‘wanting’ something is irrelevant.

                    2. You clearly want an open border policy.

                    3. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 9:32PM|#
                      “You clearly want an open border policy.”

                      Yes, asshole. And?

                  2. Stop Sevo, right there.

                    Every father and mother, the world over, want their kids to have a better life than they did. If this were dream were powered by purple unicorns I would not be able to take you to task on this.

                    And I am bending over my knee and slapping on the behind.

            2. I had lunch at a delicious Guatemalan restaurant today. Do you mean to tell me that I got ripped of by white people posing as Guatemalans?!? I’m so angry!!!

              1. Is Guatemalan food very different from Mexican? In any case I’m not sure how it’s relevant to my comment.

            3. IF THERE IS SO MUCH DEMAND FOR IMMIGRANTS WHY ARE THEIR WAGES SO LOW?

              Umm, because you can pay them less?

              as if the immigrants who start most of those businesses are from Guatemala and Haiti

              Well, Asians don’t count. They need to check their privilege at the border. They’re almost as bad as whitey in their transgressions against humanity. Only the darker skinned races are pure and without sin.

              1. Umm, because you can pay them less?

                And yet we can’t pay CEOs less. Golly, I wonder why that is.

                Don’t forget about the Russia Jews. Many of those tech companies were founded by Russian Jewish immigrants.

                1. Get on the hiring and compensation committee for a CEO ,and you can try to pay then less. Maybe even put out a no Jews sign. Or is it only Russian Jews that you are against?

                2. Boy, took merkin about ten minutes to start on the JOOOOOOOOZE again, didn’t it?

                  1. Why “JOOOOOOOOOOOOZE?” I am saying a positive thing about them.

                3. Umm, because you can pay them less?

                  And yet we can’t pay CEOs less. Golly, I wonder why that is.

                  Seriously, you can’t figure that out on your own? It’s not that difficult.

                  1. Reading comprehension, my friend.

                    1. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 8:29PM|#
                      “Reading comprehension, my friend.”

                      Obscure hints do not constitute argument or evidence.

            4. if the immigrants who start most of those businesses are from Guatemala and Haiti.

              The Koreans are starting bodegas now?

            5. I’m sick of this – Americans – the tough, the brave, the bold…. yet if they have to compete with dirty foreigners for jobs, whether directly or outsourced, they’re all going to fail.

              Maybe instead of punishing employers who cannot find employees willing to work and punishing hard workers because they were unable to possibly enter the US legally, you and everyone like you can instead just grow up and compete in real life.

              Or don’t and fail – I honestly don’t care so long as I’m not paying for it.

              But g-d what losers society has become – straight from economic juggernaut to not being able to compete openly with others.

              If it were me – I wouldn’t be so honest about not being able to compete… but that’s just me.

              You’ve obviously chosen a different route.

    3. In absence of a welfare state, open borders are not a bad thing. Immigration is what made this country and economic powerhouse. Because without a welfare state, these new people have no choice but to work and grow the economic pie for everyone. Unfortunately we have a welfare state, and a welfare state is incompatible with open borders for reasons that should be obvious.

      1. Immigration is what made this country and economic powerhouse. Because without a welfare state, these new people have no choice but to work and grow the economic pie for everyone.

        I don’t buy this idea. If there was a great need for workers to “grow” the economy, you would be seeing low unemployment and rising wages. It seems what business really wants is cheaper labor. Cheaper labor is bad for laborers.

        1. Unless their only other option is unemployment…

          1. That just sets them free to pursue their dreams.

            /Nancy

        2. I tend to agree with you on this Teller.

          The argument for more immigration is that the immigrants will become both producers and consumers. This is correct. If you double the population of the US from 300M to 600M Proctor and Gamble stock price will rise, the GNP will rise, the stock market indexes will rise. But no paycheck to paycheck American will see any of it. Their small stake in the enterprise will fall in value. But they have nothing to say, right or wrong, about borders. It’s not that rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer, it’s that the rich will get richer, the poor will be taken care of, and middle class will be screwed. This won’t stand.

          1. You’ll need to explain that reasoning a little better. How wealth is distributed in an economy doesn’t anything to do with its absolute size, unless you’re talking about a population so small that there are no economies of scale.

            1. How wealth is distributed in an economy doesn’t anything to do with its absolute size

              If you import 300 M low skilled laborers, while leaving the number of high skilled laborers, the amount of investment capital, and the amount of land and natural resources constant, what will happen to the wages of the low skilled laborers? If you could duplicate the entire country, all the land, all the resources, all the people, of all skill sets, you would see economies of scale.

              1. Oh noes, deflation. Can’t ever have that.

                1. If the deflation happened because there was suddenly a lot more natural resources, that would be a good thing.

              2. Why would investment capital remain the same? And why will all of those 300 M remain low skilled laborers? People can and do acquire new skills and create wealth. And if those low skilled laborers participate, their real wages will increase.

                1. Why would investment capital remain the same?

                  You could have the government print more money in order to increase the supply of investment capital.

                  And why will all of those 300 M remain low skilled laborers?

                  The bulk of the unskilled laborers, immigrants and natives, legals and illegals, stay as unskilled laborers.(The guy who has a week of training at construction is still an unskilled laborer) I tend to deal in the real world and not the “it would be nice if…” world.

                  1. OK, so you don’t understand wealth creation. Thanks for clearing that up.

                  2. “You could have the government print more money in order to increase the supply of investment capital.”
                    Uh are you suggesting there is no other way to increase capital?

                    And simply stating your premise is not evidence for your argument: Cite missing for ‘the bulk of unskilled laborers stay that way’.

                    1. Uh are you suggesting there is no other way to increase capital?

                      Depends on how you define “capital.”

                      Cite missing for ‘the bulk of unskilled laborers stay that way’.

                      It’s not my burden to provide a cite for facts anyone who knows anything about the world already knows.

                    2. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 9:15PM|#
                      “Uh are you suggesting there is no other way to increase capital?
                      Depends on how you define “capital.””

                      Sophistry noted and ignored. Do you have an answer, or simply non-sequiturs?
                      —————
                      “Cite missing for ‘the bulk of unskilled laborers stay that way’.
                      It’s not my burden to provide a cite for facts anyone who knows anything about the world already knows.”

                      Stupid claim of ‘everyone knows it’ noted and ignored. Do you have a cite or are you yielding the point?

              3. OK, piece by piece:
                “If you import 300 M low skilled laborers, while leaving the number of high skilled laborers, the amount of investment capital, and the amount of land and natural resources constant, what will happen to the wages of the low skilled laborers?”

                You claim to deal with ‘real-world’ circumstances; your hypothetical fails that test. At the very least, capital increases simply as a result of profits, which are not falling. And given the growth of tech and bio-tech companies, we can see the rise in skilled labor.
                ———————
                “If you could duplicate the entire country, all the land, all the resources, all the people, of all skill sets, you would see economies of scale.”

                You can claim that, but I see no evidence of such a requirement.

                1. Because you aren’t very smart.

                  1. Teller Maidan|3.27.14 @ 10:03PM|#
                    “Because you aren’t very smart.”

                    I see. You offer no cite and it’s because I’m not very smart?
                    Hint: You’re a brain-damaged asshole.

                    1. You weren’t called on to beat that dead horse, but it’s kind of you to bury it anyway.

        3. I don’t buy this idea. If there was a great need for workers to “grow” the economy, you would be seeing low unemployment and rising wages.

          When immigration grew the economy, businesses didn’t have to deal with the regulatory state whose sole purpose is to discourage economic growth, nor did immigrants have a tax-funded welfare state to fall back on. There are a lot more variables here than just immigration.

          It seems what business really wants is cheaper labor.

          Of course they do! Labor is a business expense! To be an effective business you try to keep expenses low! Duh!

          Cheaper labor is bad for laborers.

          Cheap labor is good for consumers because it lowers prices, and laborers are consumers too.

          My point was simply that open borders and the welfare state are incompatible. You can have one or the other, but not both.

          1. Of course they do! Labor is a business expense! To be an effective business you try to keep expenses low! Duh!

            I know. You know another expense I’d like to get rid of, workers compensation. I mean it costs me so much money!

            Cheap labor is good for consumers because it lowers prices, and laborers are consumers too.

            Say you lower Mcworker’s wages by half. By how much would McDonald’s be able to lower their prices. A lot less than half, because McDonalds needs capital, high-skilled workers, and natural resources to function.

            1. Says the person who thinks that businesses set prices solely based on costs.

              1. They don’t. They “could” do this, but of course they wouldn’t if they could get away with it.

            2. I know. You know another expense I’d like to get rid of, workers compensation. I mean it costs me so much money!

              Now you’re being silly. Yes businesses want to lower expenses, but workers have a say in this too. They can always work for someone else. If employers held all the cards, then everyone would be payed minimum wage. The fact that that is not the case shows that workers hold some cards of their own.

              Say you lower Mcworker’s wages by half.

              Then McDonalds goes out of business because Burger King and Wendy’s offer the workers more money.

            3. I know. You know another expense I’d like to get rid of, workers compensation. I mean it costs me so much money!

              I love when people seriously believe a business would be able to run on slave labor were it not for minimum wage laws.

              Because, as we all know, workers would totally agree to work with no compensation. Haggling over wages is a libertarian myth, which is why no workers at McDonalds are paid over the minimum wage.

              None of them.

              1. I remember back in high school when I left Burger King to work next door at McDonalds. BK was paying me $3.85/hr and McD’s offered $4.25. Little did I know I would have soon gotten a $0.40 raise had a stayed at BK, because minimum wage was going up.

              2. I love when people seriously believe a business would be able to run on slave labor were it not for minimum wage laws.

                Look to the third world, my friend. Why is it that they are paid so poorly? Because their labor isn’t worth much. Supply and demand.

                1. Look to the third world, my friend. Why is it that they are paid so poorly?

                  They are paid more than they would earn doing something else, or they wouldn’t take the jobs.

                  Their lives are made better. At least they think so, or they’d stay at the farm.

                  Who are you to tell them that they’d be better off subsistence farming over working in a sweat shop?

                  Seems to me like you are quite arrogant.

                  1. Watch out or the populist who advocates protectionist and socialist economic policies is going to call you a “left-libertarian”!

                2. Look to the third world, my friend. Why is it that they are paid so poorly? Because their labor isn’t worth much. Supply and demand.

                  Oh, sweet fuck. People in the third world aren’t paid much because their governments are generally run by extortionist thugs who steal from the public in order to support cronies.

                  Do you really think people in Zimbabwe are poor because there are too many Zimbabweans? If Zimbabwe’s population dropped in half tomorrow, do you honestly think that would magically raise a Zimbabweans standard of living to first world levels?

                  1. If Zimbabwe’s population dropped in half tomorrow, do you honestly think that would magically raise a Zimbabweans standard of living to first world levels?

                    It would dramatically raise their standard of living.(not to first world levels obviously)

                    1. you’re boring, Nativist troll.

      2. I think there’s also the problem of incentivizing criminals and terrorists to come over, but that’s probably just me.

    4. I oppose open borders.

      ‘open borders’ is an oxymoron. So you have to deal with the language first. I have gone from being in favor of easy immigration to being against in just the last few years.

      When libertarians talk up immigration they should give equal measure to talking up emigration. Libertarianism is a universal political philosophy. Why doesn’t Reason have articles that espouse your right to exit with some practical information about where you would enter after. Uraguay?

      1. I actually made the opposite transformation. I used to be more hardline on immigration than I am now, though not as extreme as some.

        I don’t always know what people mean by open borders. If they mean absolutely no security checks or protection of any kind, then I’d say no the Mexican border, yes on the Canadian. Letting people across the Canadian border doesn’t seem to me to be any less safe than letting people cross state borders. And I don’t think duties or restrictions on certain goods should be imposed, so at that point, why bother?

        I don’t trust the Mexican government to keep their other ports of entry as safe as the Canadians do. So I’m in favor of security checkpoints at the Mexican border, and at our airports. But no duties.

        1. I’ll say this. If you’ve ever went through the immigration process, more than once, like I have, then you will see why people come illegally. It’s much easier and you’re way more likely to be deported if you happen to get out of status, while here legally, than someone who is here illegally.

          The system is entirely draconian and fucked up. And if anyone thinks that congress is going to pass any immigration bill and make this better, they are totally out of their fucking minds.

          For anyone who wants to immigrate here, PRAY THE FUCK that Congress passes nothing new. It is BAD ENOUGH like it is.

          1. Good point. Luckily I’m natural born. But I’ve known enough people that have had to struggle just through the visa process.

            The concerns about the welfare state may be legit, but the easier you make it for people to work legally, the easier it is to make them support the system. Not that I’m a fan of the welfare state, but that is a separate issue.

            1. I’m natural born also. My wife is now working on citizenship. It’s a real pain in the ass and very stressful.

              We’ve been lucky so far and haven’t had any problems, but there are nightmarish stories of what people have went through, by no fault of their own, just trying to do things the right and legal way.

              It’s just like any other aspect of American law. It seems that enforcement is totally random, and you never know who is going to be the next victim of some psychopath who has been handed a position of authority over others lives, with total autonomy and seemingly no oversight or accountability at all.

              Of course, even American natural born citizens never know when they might be the next victim of some roided up paramiltarized swat team who accidentally broke down the wrong door in the middle of the night looking for ‘dangerous substances’, for the children, of course.

              /finishes rant

              1. Quit humble bragging about your hot foreign wife. It’s not polite.

                1. I didn’t even say that she’s Brazilian. That would be bragging. I didn’t do it.

                  1. I did a Google for “ugly brazillian women” and there was not one single real result. Almost all hot women, and some fakes.

                    1. You haven’t been to Brazil. There are plenty of ugly Brazilian women. But a ratio to ratio comparison with American women, not so many.

                    2. You haven’t been to Brazil. There are plenty of ugly Brazilian women. But a ratio to ratio comparison with American women, not so many.

                      Puts me in mind of what PJ O’Rourke said about Vietnamese women:

                      In any random group of 30, 12 will make Julia Roberts look like Lyle Lovett.

                    3. Funny how those Brazilian hotties always look so Teutonic….

                    4. Truly spoken by someone who has never ever set foot in Brazil.

                      Btw, the most ugly women I have ever seen in one single place was in north zone Rio for a Friday nite Festa do Nordestino. The most hot women. i have ever seen in one place is between Posto Nove and Dez on Ipanema. Both were staggering.

                  2. That’s reminiscent of Pro Libertate mentioning his Columbian wife.

                    “Whoops, I’ve said too much!”

                    1. ugh. That was the # that made me hate Reggaeton. A million times over.

                    2. But the music video has scantly-clad attractive women; shaking their shapely hips and buttocks.

                      That’s why God created mute.

                    3. But the music video has scantly-clad attractive women; shaking their shapely hips and buttocks.

                      Cannot click that link fast enough…

                    4. But the music video has scantly-clad attractive women; shaking their shapely hips and buttocks.

                      Didn’t show nearly enough Latina butt, but not bad for softcore porn lite.

                    5. I am 100% sure that has been linked here before. I’m guessing by you.

                      I approve.

                    6. Well at least they get somewhat good, danceable music. When waving my wife’s flag, I am reduced to this.

                    7. Interesting. Do they even know they are phoning it in?

                    8. That’s as “funky” as Thais get…well outside one of those “go-go bars” I know absolutely nothing about.

                    9. Hey, I’m sure you know this:
                      What is the name of the genre of Indian dancing in Bend it Like Beckham?

                    10. The squirrels ate my post….which was BHANGRA!

                      How much did you pay them to do that?

                    11. Thank you. I will be proficient in that by the end of March.

                    12. “I think”

                      C’mon bro, I know it’s on your playlist.

                    13. hey what’s going on with this dating thing I learned about last night? inquiring minds want the H&R gossip.

                    14. See way below.

                    15. Well at least they get somewhat good, danceable music. When waving my wife’s flag, I am reduced to this.

                      Quit bragging.

                    16. I take it you are a no dancing guy?

                    17. I take it you are a no dancing guy?

                      I am Mr. Dancing guy.

                    18. I am too. I have perfect hip and shoulder moves, and great footwork. This Bhangra thing is going to add a whole new dimension, though.

      2. Here, here. Great idea, I don’t recall seeing much in reason about emmigtating. I’ve lived in Brazil and the Netherlands and while both are far from libertarian paradises, each has certain freedoms there that are less here (and of course the States have freedoms that are of less degree in those places).

    5. You know who else opposes open borders and free individuals agreeing on a price for an exchange of goods or services?

  24. I don’t know about Arizona voters, and I don’t care enough to look it up, but here in Maine I can’t remember the last time a bond issue did not pass. Maine voters like bonds. So something like that would probably work here. The legislature would authorize the virtual fence, send bonds to pay for it to the voters, watch it pass, and then start building.

    1. If you labelled the fence in both English and French you could probably get the Quebecians to approve bond for half the cost!

      1. Only if the English was in a smaller font than the French. And even then, maybe not.

      2. You mean the Quebeckistanians.

        The only thing north of our border more evil than Canuckistanians. After all, they speak French. What is more evil than that?

        1. The derp is strong up here.

    2. Most voters like bond measures because they have no fucking clue that they will actually have to pay for them from their own pocket.

      1. “Most voters like bond measures because they have no fucking clue that they will actually have to pay for them from their own pocket.”

        ‘The government is paying for it. It’s free.’

  25. and then start building.

    Not build anything and give public sector employees a raise with the tax windfall.

    People from Maine are very naive.

    1. I hear that they have their own Portlandia.

      1. Yes, it’s called Bangor.

          1. I gave it a half hour.

            I acknowledge your zinger.

        1. Oh, I thought it was called Portland. I stand corrected.

          Banglandia.

          I’ve heard of worse sounding places.

          1. Have you heard of Augusta?

            1. Yes, I have.

              1. Then have you heard of Lewiston? I don’t know how you say it in the original Somali.

                1. Lewiston, where people from Augusta go to go to Wal-Mart. And the movies.

        2. The talk show I listen to on the morning drive quite often has Bangor cops as guests. I will never live there.

    2. One of the reasons why bonds always pass here is that the money really does go to its intended target. Whether or not it actually accomplishes anything is a different matter.

      1. Bonds are sunken costs that go to well- healed engineering firms for projects that never materialize. Be bearish on US bonds.

  26. But….but…..ANKUR BAYBEEEEEEEEEzz!!1!1!1onedyoneoneelevel!1!

    1. In that same tone, LIVVING IN THE SHADDOOOOWS!!!!!

      In the real world, an iillegal living in the interior has a less than one percent chance of getting deported. Turns out that anchor probably isn’t even necessary.

      1. I grew up in rural, agricultural Michigan. Very, very high percentage of – particularly – Mexicans (much smaller handful of Puerto Ricans). You can bet your last money that – while most of the kids my age were born here – a lot of their parents (or grandparents) had arrived….sans papiers, shall we say.

        And we didn’t care. They were just our schoolmates. And Mrs. Castillon made great tortillas.

      2. Contrast that, with, if you come here legally, and you get out of status by forgetting to renew your residence, they WILL start deportation proceedings on you.

        Now, it’s a little dumb on your part to get into that situation, but it happens, people forget things, you know, like once I drove for almost a year on expired license and I didn’t even realize it.

        But I guess that’s the advantage of being illegal. They don’t know you are here, and there’s not 30,000 metric tons of paper work to file and worry about missing something trivial.

        Then again, if you are illegal, you can’t leave the country, because they won’t let you back in again.

        I don’t suggest or condone coming here illegally, but if you do, you might be better off than someone trying to immigrate legally if you don’t want to leave again.

        1. I drove on an expired license for a couple of weeks. It was pointed out to me when I tried to buy beer.

          1. Wow, I drove for 11 months with one. I used it for everything, including getting a new job, and opening a new bank account, and NO ONE noticed until I finally realized it and tried to renew my license. Luckily it was expired for under a year, and I didn’t have a problem.

            1. I had a checker at the grocery store refuse to sell me beer. A week after it expired.

              1. The worst thing about government is how it causes thought atrophy.

                1. I let my license expire a while back, and wound up in the Air Puffs Bomb Sniffing Machine TM.

                  Course, coming back from Disneyland last week, refused to go through the RapeyScanner, and had TWO separate patdowns because I exuded tude or something.

  27. This can’t be Late Nite Links thread. Come on H&R, we can’t exactly talk about an invisible border fence all night.

    1. I do, and the nurses have stopped complaining.

    2. Looks like Welch blew off the request to repost the Stossel post for a live thread.

      1. He did. Politely.

  28. Sounds like a plan to me dude. Heck yeah!

    http://www.EliteVPN.tk

  29. Is the Independents running tonight?

    1. I think tonight’s Stossel, and tomorrow is “The Kennedy Show”

      1. thank you

      2. Well, then where is the TI thread? They’ve only got 4 minutes!

    2. Naah. They’re walking.

      1. At least you didn’t say “well then you better go catch them.”

          1. Not quite the oldest joke, but…

  30. God Dammit! Is this derp going to continue?

    1. Only as long as you keep posting.

      1. So yes, in other words. I’ll take a dinner break, and I’m going to need you to cover for me.

  31. Che Guevara: Tireless libertarian.

    Freddy Alborta photographed the corpse of Che Guevara, the tireless libertarian soldier who was assassinated on October 10, 1967. Two days after his death, his body was displayed by Bolivian soldiers in the laundry house of the Vallegrande hospital. According to many, the photograph shows El Che in an almost “Christ-like image” and solidified his legend as “the patron saint of revolutionaries.” The photograph circulated throughout the world, and sparked the will of a great many who followed and supported El Che’s efforts.

    1. Well, dead Che isn’t recorded to have murdered anyone or wrecked any economies, so I guess his corpse could be considered libertarian.

    2. Dead body being felt up by banana republic generals does not equal “Christ like image”

    3. The Paul. doesn’t give a shit about The Che.

  32. OMG Is the First Wookiee at the Stanford/Dayton game

    1. You should be ashamed of posting that, dude.

      There’s only one ‘e’ in Wookie.

  33. “Abortion ? the “life-sustaining act” of the ages.

    “That’s the theme behind an exhibit currently on display at the University of Michigan dedicated to defending and glamorizing the history of abortion….

    “The “Cheer Casanova” poster touts the infamous womanizer for never having children because he used condoms. “Empower the Douche” denotes what some women at the turn of the century did to try and prevent pregnancy….

    “As for the display on campus, it is sponsored in part by the publicly funded Program for Sexual Rights and Reproductive Justice, an arm of the University of Michigan’s department of obstetrics and gynecology.”

    http://www.thecollegefix.com/post/16867/

  34. Guys, you really need to stop raping fat girls all the time.

    It’s an epidemic.

    It’s everywhere and every time someone tries to counter it they get huge backlashes from the MRA movement as well as every day misogynists. Fat women face an extra special facet of rape culture though- the fact that they should be grateful for it. You read that right- grateful for being raped. The logic goes that, of course, no one would want to touch a fat woman. We’re so gross, you know? So if someone was actually willing to have sex with us we should be on our knees with gratitude thanking that person for sharing their special snowflake of a dick with us. Some people even deny that it’s possible for fat women to be raped because, ew, who would want to have sex with a fattie?

    Where do these people get this shit? Never in my life have I heard anyone claim that a fat girl should be happy she was raped.

    1. Thin People Conferences. You obviously haven’t been to one for some reason.

      1. About 35 extra reasons.

    2. Guys, you really need to stop raping fat girls all the time.

      I tried to stop, dude, but there was just so much to rape!

    3. When victimhood is the moral high ground, everyone will compete to achieve it.

      1. Some of us retain our sense of shame.

        Maybe it’s the thinprivilege from not being regularly shamed. It’s like insulin resistance, we still respond to internalized shame.

    4. Usually when people are inordinately obsessed with something, there’s something else going on in their heads. Normal people don’t obsess over rape constantly, especially when they claim it is “triggering” for them.

      1. So what’s your excuse?

        1. He said ‘normal people.’ This clearly doesn’t include whatever monstrosity from the darkest pits of hell Epi happens to be.

        2. I DON’T HAVE ONE!!!

          1. Geez man, everybody needs an excuse. I’m sure you can rationalize it someway.

            1. I can get you an excuse. I know a guy.

              1. Dee: All right, where’d you get the human meat from, Frank?

                Frank: I got a guy.

                Dee: You got a guy?

                Charlie: Uh, you got a human meat guy?

                Frank: I got a guy for everything, Charlie.

                1. I watched the “Why Mac got Fat” episode today. They make huffing glue/chemicals seem really fun.

    5. I’m sure there are assholes out there that would make a really despicable joke about fat girls being raped, but I honestly feel if your life revolves around finding the worst people on the fringes of society to harp about you ought to maybe reevaluate what you are doing.

      1. “Fat girls need love too…but they gotta pay.”

      2. You’re asking for it with that comment. They appreciate it because you first have to wet mop their ass crack and rise it with a garden hose. Reevaluation commencing in 10…9…8…

    6. MRA? Male rape agenda?

      1. Men’s Rights Activists. It’s become the feminist go-to word for shutting down a debate and dismissing an opponent’s argument with an ad hom.

        1. I’m sure in their mind Male Rape Agenda is more accurate.

          1. And I’m not even joking.

    7. Is it just me or does it seem like they are defending their rape-ability as a self-esteem booster?

      If so, that’s unbelievably messed up.

      1. By rape-ability, do you mean ability to rape, or worthiness of being raped?

        1. Ok, I pinched my nose and read the article. I get it now.

    8. 1) Go to Reddit 2) Search r/TheRedPill 3) You can probably find someone saying that

      *Warning: May cause total collapse in all brain function

      1. In fairness, I don’t know if you can consider anyone commenting at Red Pill to be human.

      2. oh for chrissakes whyyyyy did you tell me about this…

      3. Hahahahaha. You mentioning this made me go look at Red Pill to see what those dipshits were up to. I found the funniest thing ever.

        Dating: The text based RPG.

        It is truly unbelievable. I have never seen anything so pathetic.

        1. LMAO, this is even better than the last time I mentioned TRP here, and someone (I’m pretty sure it was you actually) linked to a comment that advised guys to go after Latinas, because apparently they all have big butts and don’t know anything about feminism.

  35. Ok, so I started up Fox Business and it’s Cavuto. What a boring fuck.

    1. You do realize it’s Stossel tonight, and they discourage Stossel live blogging.

        1. Yeah…why, Mr. Welch?

          1. I’m not Welch.

            Are you Welch? If so, I still suggest losing the tie and growing a goatee. Maybe get yourself a leather jacket.

            1. I know you’re not, geeeez. I was just throwing it out into the aether with a formal name attached in case he ever saw it.

              1. He won’t be following this thread. He’ll go home, where he’ll take off his pants and jacket.

              2. How can you be sure? I COULD be Welch. Are you saying that I couldn’t possibly be Welch? Is that an insult?

                1. I know in my heart of hearts that you are not Welch.

                  1. Yeah, I’m way too cool to be Welch. It was obvious, right?

                2. Isn’t Welch married to a non-Brazilian?

                  1. French, I believe.

                    1. French, I believe.

                      Has she been educated about Kale?

                    2. bitches love kale

                      Word.

          2. Someone used to live blog the show – often singlehandedly – but they couldn’t handle the truth!

            1. It wasn’t FOE was it? So, you’re the only one who watches Stossel?

              I like Stossel. It’s the stache, you know.

              1. Hyperion, meet Francisco D’Anconia. You guys have a lot to talk about.

            2. Singlehandedly blogging Stossel? So, Francisco?

      1. I would NEVER live-blog Stossel! (snif)

        Besides, I hate his tie, and he just showed a picture of a baby with no arms and now I have to go puke.

  36. TEAM STOSSEL…ASSSEEMMMMBBLLLEEEEE!!!!

    1. Clearly you’re off your meds tonight.

      1. If I am what does that say about Francisco d’ Anconia? And what brings you hear anyway since we won’t be discussing how awesome Kmele is tonight?

        1. It’s just Kmele, all the way down.

        2. Speaking of my meds…I’m gonna go mix some.

          1. Are you going to ride the Red Bull again tonight?

          2. You see, this is why we need the nanny state, so that we can be sure you are safe.

        3. Ohhh, you didn’t get the memo about Fd’A. I’ll have someone forward that to you immediately. Poor guy, such a shame.

          I hear nothing, what are you talking about? I’m also not really here, just a figment of your imagination. Which, let’s be honest, explains an awful lot about me.

          1. Hear, here, herr, hair. Whatever. And yes, I’ve long suspected that librarian women I interact with are just figments of my imagination.

            In fact, everything about my reality isn’t real. It’s a dream in a locked room. A dream about being a person. And like a lot of dreams it had a monster at the end of it.

            1. Your spelling tonight is atrocious, kid. Did you have a stroke or far too much to drink?

              1. My job is basically keying from scanned images enrollment forms and such for a prominent interest group.

                So by the time I come home I’m not all that interested in accuracy or correct spelling on this blog.

                1. =/

                  I will try my best to ignore it, but years of editing people’s term papers makes it difficult.

                  1. Thank you. And I will try my best to type neater and use the correct forms of words in consideration of your feelings.

                    1. I can hear certain people going “D’AWWWWWWWWWW” right now & it’s making me feel a little sick.

                    2. D’AWWWWWWWWWW

                    3. Copied and pasted. Your fault.

                    4. *note to self: do not be polite to kibby

                    5. Not in front of these jackasses, at any rate.

    2. Wait, when did you join team orange?

      1. To give me his email address. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

        1. *steeples fingers*

          eeeexcelllent.

          1. The vegas fund is in escrow. Shall I give it to you for safe keeping?

            1. This all about making and then marketing a sex tape. Right?

              1. I don’t like to close doors on any ideas,

                1. But the idea is to make a libertarian super baby.

                2. Do sex tapes get catchy names or does it have to be an outright porn?

                  kibby does Vegas
                  A Fellatious Argument
                  A Serious Mandingo

                  1. I vote for the latter, but I do acknowledge the Hilton Exception.

                  2. Mandingo?

                    1. can you do the Mandingo
                      Thunderbolt and Lightning
                      very very frightening

                    2. Mandingo?

                      Very well endowed black man especially known for his ability to please women.

                      I’m color blind, bro.

                    3. I know what it means, but it seemed like you were referring to me. And, uh, part of that description isn’t accurate.

                    4. Why do you have to make this about race?

                    5. …so maybe I should get on that email.

                    6. At your convenience.

                    7. Mandingo is Huttese for “Grand Moff”.

              2. No, we’re meddling in our peers’ social lives for the sheer joy of altruism…

                1. I just had the hilarious idea of posting a video to Youporn of an attractive but amateur-ish couple in their underwear on a bed talking. Just talking. For like 3 to 5 minutes. Just the image of a dude huddled over his keyboard in a darkened room, waiting…while muttering to himself “When is this chick going to get naked? When are these two going to fuck?!?!?”

                  1. That would be amazing.

                    1. It would be, but I’m stuck. Should we have them just talk about quotidian affairs or have them just trade lines back and forth from the text of a Khan Academy lecture on multivariable calculus, verbatim?

                    2. Multivariable calculus…mmmmmm. Excuse me, I have to go, uh, take care of something.

                  2. also it should be very low audio so you can’t make out the conversation.

                  3. Just get a clip of How I Met Your Mother

  37. Oh God. I cannot possibly take 2 more minutes of Cavuto’s voice.

  38. IT’S THE STACHE, BABY! THE LIBERTY STACHE!

      1. It has a ring to it…

  39. Bureaucracy, growing like a tumor… Why didn’t I think of that? It could go down as one the great quotes of libertopia.

  40. I was thinking. The Independents should try to arrange a debate between Sowell and Yglesias.

    It would be the comedy of the decade,

    1. Just letting Yglesias ramble on for a few minutes would probably be the funniest thing since Herman’s Head. And by funny I mean appallingly terrible.

  41. I’m gonna die, can I have that drug?

    NO, it might hurt you!

    Makes sense, no?

    1. Exactly as much sense as punishing people who’ve attempted suicide.

  42. Dennis Kuchinich = Douchebag… with a GREAT TIE

    No, really. That’s nice.

  43. Have I mentioned I like Stossel?

    1. Yes, we know you’re old and drink prune juice.

      1. In his retirement, he drinks redbull/vodka in the hot tub. A true role model for us yutes.

  44. Tales from the Derp

    Today, I sat through a 4-hour PowerPoint where the presenter read each slide word for word while pointing at each word.

    1. Are you in my Neuroscience class?

    2. Dude, I pulled a Jerry McGuire on more than one occasion where I asked the presenter if they intended on doing that to please email one to my address (I gave him a card) and walked out.

      Startup company. That shit wouldn’t work elsewhere.

      But for real; its times like that when you start being like, “GOD I COULD BE DOING WORK NOW?”

      1. But for real; its times like that when you start being like, “GOD I COULD BE DOING WORK NOW?”

        If you’re in a meeting with anyone at the executive level, then you can be sure that it’s an absolute waste of valuable productive time.

        1. I think most executives and managers could be replaced with potted plants. At least the plants would give off oxygen.

          1. At my last job at a Fortune 100 level company I was in one of those meetings. During a break I asked the VP (one level below the dude who ran the entire APAC region) I worked for a particular point about our then-current expansion into China. Her answer made it clear that she either didn’t know the Yuan was not convertible – or she didn’t know what non-convertable meant.

            1. That’s pretty good, but I think I can top it.

              There was a power outage at the plant and all the machines in my section were down. My boss didn’t think I was moving fast enough, so he marched off to my cubicle, demanded the number of the equipment manufacturer, called them, and began to scream at them.

              With some frantic gestures, I got his attention and told them the people he was calling were the manufacturers, not the service people. He hung up the phone and there was a brief pause while he gave me dagger eyes. I said that if we had been call about this, we wouldn’t have made fools of ourselves. He said “OK. I’m Calm. If those machines aren’t running by 2, you’re fired.”

              I got them running at 3 and kept my job.

              1. Maybe I should have made it clear that the VP I was talking to was managing the expansion into the PRC market – without a clue about the Yuan’s non-convertibility.

                What good is it to pour a couple hundred million dollars into a market where you can’t take the profits out?

    3. Oh, hell and death – was it a *compliance* presentation?

      That be the unholy place where madness lies.

      1. No, this was about engineering problem solving, and the Byzantine methods and paperwork we were supposed to use.

      2. That is the time for fake (or real) diarrhea.

    4. So, what was your defense?

      The old standy, doodling in your notebook, looking at the wall clock, and alternately looking out the window?

      Or the more modern and Chic playing with your Ipad, checking email on your smart phone, looking at the wall clock, and alternately looking out the window?

      1. After he finished presenting his Rube Goldberg system for getting approval, I gave several examples as to how such pointless bureaucracy has stymied all my projects.

        1. Well, I hope you got somewhere with that.

          I suggested to one of my clients a few weeks ago, that if things continue on the current path, that no real work will ever be done. All that will ever get done is compliance and documentation of compliance.

          We really are not that far away from that reality.

          1. There was a brief stunned silence, but others chimed in to agree with me.

            I think it helped that I prefaced my criticism with “this comes from a place of love…”

    5. Today, I sat through a 4-hour PowerPoint where the presenter read each slide word for word while pointing at each word.

      Clever trick: Look around the room, anyone paying attention, nodding at the end of each sentence and furiously taking notes is a useless fuck.

      It’s a fantastic way to sort out who you should avoid at work.

  45. Boxing with tar is my new favorite metaphor.

  46. How many people watch Stossel? Because government extortion and grand theft by police needs more exposure.

    1. I’m watching, and I couldn’t agree more.

      The Indian guy on the show can probably expect his door to be broken down in the middle of the night, any time now.

    2. That may be true, but Stossel is just libertarian Matlock.

      1. 60 year old chicks love their Matlock.

    3. Stossel is just way, way too milquetoast for me. He’s just so…reasonable. But it robs him of any intensity. I don’t think he changes many minds, mostly because he doesn’t seem to care very much. Also, mustaches are creepy.

      1. Then you might try some Kokesh for a change, if he can stay out of trouble long enough.

        I find Stossel a lot less milquetoast than Welch.

        Sorry, Matt, I know I keep picking on you.

  47. Derp. The final frontier. These are the tales of a Derpetologist. His continuing mission: to explore strange, new fools. To seek out new morons and new half-wit imbeciles. To boldly sigh where no one has sighed before…

    ? ? ?

    In a past job, a bunch of plastic pellets in a silo got wet on a humid night. It shut down production for the day. In the meeting, the plant manager suggested putting blowers in the silos to dry them out. I tried to no avail to explain the concept of dew points. He said that blowing on things makes them dry. I said that’s because it pushes the water off. It doesn’t make it evaporate or stop it from condensing. Only increasing the temperature can do that. I asked him if he thought he could prevent water from freezing on a cold winter day by blowing on it. He then began boasting of his vast manufacturing experience.

    The blowers were placed.

    1. This comment needs more love because that shit is hilarious.

    2. Engineering group I worked in had the annual task of updating the spreadsheet model of the regional operations to produce the budget forecast for the upcoming fiscal year. Each year the regional HQ added more levels of varables to make the forecast “more detailed”. I could never get anybody to understand or accept that adding more variables only made the forecast less accurate.

      I have a lot of respect for people who work their way up the ranks. But you don’t put a truck driver with a correspondence degree in charge of a regional engineering team no matter how well he/she understands the business.

    3. Derp, I’m falling in love with you. You sound like the manufacturing yin to my corporate yang.

    4. Well, there is the heat of compression if the blowets are inefficient enough…

    5. He said that blowing on things makes them dry. I said that’s because it pushes the water off. It doesn’t make it evaporate or stop it from condensing. Only increasing the temperature can do that.

      Smooth move, but wikipedia begs to differ regarding evaporation:

      Evaporation also tends to proceed more quickly with higher flow rates between the gaseous and liquid phase and in liquids with higher vapor pressure. For example, laundry on a clothes line will dry (by evaporation) more rapidly on a windy day than on a still day.

  48. Paul-Stossel 2016: We Need A Slogan!

    1. We face two choices. One leads to great pain. The other leads to total ruin.

      We hope the American people will choose wisely.

      Vote Paul

    2. “Hairy Men For Hairy Times”

      1. That requires way more beard.

        1. Jesse. Paging Jesse!

          1. Yeah, Jesse’s got me beat in that department.

              1. Too much beard, sorry.

              2. Hail Derpetologist, our libertarian messiah!

                1. He’s only slightly less of a libertarian than Che Guevara.

                2. Random Tanzanians were yelling “Jesus!” at me for the last year of my Peace Corps stint.

                  1. My cousin experienced the same thing when he was doing mission work in Malawi, except they were yelling Chuck Norris, which is essentially the same thing, no?

                    1. I heard that once when my beard was shorter.

                      One time when a guy yelled “Jesus” at me, I waved and said “Hello, Idi Amin”.

                      He didn’t take it well.

                    2. I tease my Ghanaian colleague by calling him Idi Amin. He takes it well because he knows that Amin was the Original Gangsta.

                    3. He was a murderous tyrant AND he played the accordion.

                      fun fact: His jazz band was called Suicide Revolutionary.

              3. That can’t be real.

                1. I can finally use “Wow, just wow”. It’s on Youtube. Can’t (too much trouble)verify fun fact. Sounds like mariachi music.

              4. Are you this guy without your beard?

                1. I’ve been told I look like Topher Grace when clean shaven.

      2. Wait, am I running for office with Danny DeVito now?

        1. Jesse-Robin Williams 2016: Planet Of The Apes Is Upon Us!

    3. I won’t run, no matter how much you beg.

  49. This is genius – think of the problems that could be solved by just decreeing their non-existence without funding the vain attempts at amelioration?

    Oh, and would someone please put the buttplug back where it belongs. This place is awash in santorum.

    1. Whose Buttplug? There are quite a few here now.

      I represent Sista Sarah Palin’s Buttplug – a heavy dose of theocracy, smugness, and self-righteousness.

      1. ? Oooooh-ah

        he’s just a derp machine

        got no mind but he sure likes shriek

        Oooooooo-ah he’s just a derp machine

        Laaaaa lala lalaaaa la laaaa!

        Doodoo Doo!

        La lala la laaaaaa!

      2. You represent Obamas buttplug. You head in his arse. Fool.

      3. Re: Peter Caca,

        FUCK YOU, slaver! I’m angry now!

  50. Up until now, I had been fortunate enough to hear De Blasio speak.

    That’s highly enriched derp if I’ve ever seen it.

  51. I don’t understand, why would a Ferengi endorse government schools?

      1. God, Star Trek writers are such fucking nitwits.

        1. That was cartoonish, yes, but in context you have to remember that this was the same show whose writers established that the Ferengi never had wars, genocide, racism, or slavery (What Ferengi would work for free?) and had Quark remind the humans of that fact whenever they got too smug about the “utopia” of the Federation.

          1. The Ferengi were far and away the most ethical species:peaceful, tolerant, intelligent, and industrious.

            Also, they banned their women from wearing clothes.

          2. The Ferengi were far and away the most ethical species:peaceful, tolerant, intelligent, and industrious.

            Also, they banned their women from wearing clothes.

            1. I hereby propose that double-posting now be referred to as “derping”.

            2. +1 naked spinster

          3. Yep, that’s a favorite.

            Quark: I think I figured out why Humans don’t like Ferengi.

            Sisko: Not now, Quark.

            Quark: The way I see it, Humans used to be a lot like Ferengi: greedy, acquisitive, interested only in profit. We’re a constant reminder of a part of your past you’d like to forget.

            Sisko: Quark, we don’t have time for this.

            Quark: You’re overlooking something. Humans used to be a lot worse than the Ferengi: slavery, concentration camps, interstellar wars. We have nothing in our past that approaches that kind of barbarism. You see? We’re nothing like you… we’re better.

  52. Seriously, the anti-charter school guy looks like a car coming down the street with both doors open.

  53. I don’t know how Stossel restrains himself.

    Sometimes the NAP is a real pain in the ass.

  54. Oh laws! How dare schools tell flunking students to shove off!

    It’s much better to just socially promote them while they drag down every other student.

    /derp

  55. Jesus, it’s so obvious: the money goes into the black hole that is public school districts and just disappears with very little making it down to the classrooms.

    In fact, I just had an epiphany: why not call the unionized, bureaucratic mess that is public schools in America “trickle-down education”?

    That’s what it really is, isn’t? The money goes into this giant funnel and we are supposed to trust that it trickles down to the actual students instead of into the pockets of bureaucrats and into boondoggles.

    And yet I don’t think that would go over well with the progs.

    1. I once told a prog that liberals believe in trickle down economics too- they just want the government to do the trickling.

      He threw a tantrum that would put most toddlers to shame.

      1. It wasn’t his fault, dude. You triggered him, you know.

      2. I like this. I know a guy that’s always bitching about “the GOP and trickle down economics”. I’m gonna nail him with this next chance I get.

  56. I don’t feel so bad about the Buckeyes losing on a bucket with three seconds left to the Flyers now.

    1. and so far all my final four are in it

      1. I’ve still got 7 of the final 8 in, excepting Dayton of course.

  57. And Raonic almost slips past Rafa.

  58. I’ve never felt angrier in my life than after watching that first part of Stossel about the two bothers with muscular dystrophy where only one is enjoying the benefit of receiving a miraculous experimental drug while the older brother is wasting away, bitter at the world. And Dennis Kucinich has the gall to say that the FDA is there to make sure we’re “safe”?

    I could not think of a crueler scenario like the one shown tonight – denying the possibility of a normal life to one brother while granting it to the other, creating envy and resentment on one boy against his little brother, all because government bureaucrats get off on wielding their ill-received power. I am sick to my stomach.

    1. I vaguely remember reading some medieval scholar ( I can’t remember who ) describing the pleasures of heaven. According to him one of the most delightful was the ability to peer down into hell and watch the torments of the damned.

      Make no mistake, the world is swarming with sadists.

    2. And Dennis Kucinich has the gall to say that the FDA is there to make sure we’re “safe”?

      Nothing against the state, yadda yadda.

  59. The beginning of the end for the fossil-fuel spin machine

    With the right leaders and a shift away from corporate, neoliberal agendas, humankind can survive.

    1. “With the right leaders and a shift away from corporate, neoliberal agendas, humankind can survive.”
      V. I. Lenin, 1917

    2. In 1961 US President John F Kennedy gave his famous speech pledging that he would put a man on the moon by the end of the decade. Space travel was in its infancy and, scientifically, his claim seemed impossible. But he was a man of vision, he had the nation behind him and he had the power to encourage innovation and scientific genius to be diverted to something that would benefit humanity instead of corporate profits

      Yes, and that vision was using the the space program to covertly develop technologies to improve ICBM delivery of atomic death to the Soviets, you drooling, mongoloid microcephalic.

      1. Shhh! You’re not supposed to say that part!

  60. Holy shit, that blog about fat people is a goldmine.

    PRIVILEGE DENIERS!

    Privilege is “a special advantage or immunity or benefit not enjoyed by all”. In health that means that thin people are automatically assumed to be healthier than fat people.

    This is why everyone’s first reaction when seeing pictures of Holocaust victims is ‘man, I wish I could get that skinny!’

    Thin privilege denying is a huge issue. Now, I’m not bringing this up because we should shame thin people- I’m bringing it up because denying thin privilege is a form of body shaming larger community members and body shaming is unacceptable. But because it’s not one of those well defined, obvious, body shaming techniques, it appears to need some clarification.

    The science is settled.

    1. Whats a blog about fat people? What did I miss today?

    2. The science is settled unsettling.

      FIFY

    3. Deniers? BURN THEM! We had to burn them, they TRIGGERED US!

    4. I hope she appreciates my comment.

      1. “A ton of fun”.

        I see what you did there.

    5. That blog is quite the odyssey. Just wow.

    6. “….denying thin privilege is ……..shaming …… and……shaming is unacceptable.”

      So we aren’t allowed to point out that she is full of shit. Got it.

      1. oh ho, this is classic:

        Many of you may already know my story, but for those of you who don’t I was a pretty skinny child. As a youngster I was popular, had friends, had “boyfriends” (as much as one can have when you’re six years old!), and lived a privileged school life (home life was a different matter, but anyway). When I was around 7 or 8, however, I developed severe depression, the first symptom of my bipolar disorder. I suddenly and inexplicably began gaining weight.

        I barely remember where the fuck I lived when I was six, but those were her glory days. Yikes. It’s all downhill when you hit seven, kids.

  61. She understands insurance almost as well as she understands rape.

    Fat people can be charged extra for health care coverage, or even denied health care altogether if they weigh too much. This is under the assumption that fat people will cost you more because they’re all unhealthy.Maybe I missed the memo but isn’t the point of an insurance company to even out health care costs among an entire group? Maybe this is why they tend to kick sick people off their insurance. A health insurance company paying to make people healthy? Well that’s just silly.

    …No. Insurance premiums are based on your odds of experiencing a certain outcome. By this logic it’s discrimination when a person who has gotten into 20 car accidents has to pay more for insurance.

    1. That’s only discrimination if it’s a woman. Men deserve to pay more for car insurance because patriarchy.

    2. I once tried to explain insurance to a prog. I began by explaining that the first insurance company, Lloyd’s of London, started out with a bunch of guys taking bets on which ships would sink.

      1. Go over well? Did you win yourself a convert?

        I’m not holding my breath.

        1. I tried to explain that insurance is protection against low-probability, high-cost events. This is why it makes no sense for insurers to cover birth control.

          womp womp womp, womp womp womp, womp.

          1. It does if you are also obligated to cover the pregnancy.

        2. I tried to explain that insurance is protection against low-probability, high-cost events. This is why it makes no sense for insurers to cover birth control.

          womp womp womp, womp womp womp, womp.

      2. What’s really unbelievable about the prog view of insurance is the fact that they think insurance should pay for random minor issues. It shouldn’t. Insurance should ONLY pay for things that are major expenses.

        You don’t get car insurance so that it will pay for car washes. You get insurance in case you get slammed into by a truck.

        The reason American health care is so expensive is because people have their health insurance covering things like doctor checkups when in a reasonable world people would pay for things like that out of pocket. Now people are getting free birth control when that’s another thing that should be payed for out of pocket.

        Insurance should pay for cancer treatments or hospitalizations, not minor day to day expenses. When insurance is paying for birth control, it’s no longer actually insurance. It’s just a pre-payment plan.

        1. People deserve subsidized carwashes, Irish. Denying it is just anti-human.

      3. Derpetologist|3.27.14 @ 10:12PM|#
        “I once tried to explain insurance to a prog. I began by explaining that the first insurance company, Lloyd’s of London, started out with a bunch of guys taking bets on which ships would sink.”

        I haven’t found the reference recently (a McPhee book?), but the first ‘actuarial’ insurance was for preachers in England.
        In order to make sure the widows were covered, they did a study on how long they lived and set that rates based on that.

    3. “Following my journey as a fat girl trying to make it in the, very thin, world of modeling and trying to break down social barriers along the way, educate, and expand on my own body acceptance journey.”

      Goddammit Irish. I have only had one vodka. If I had known what that was I woulda had three shots before clicking. A little warning next time.

      1. I am late, the thread is too long, so I started at the bottom and read up. I see, you did warn. My fault.

  62. Stephen Colbert steps in Twitter dog shit with ‘racist and transphobic’ tweet, young, progressive fans turn on him

    Stephen Colbert outraged online followers Thursday with an offensive-sounding and out-of-context tweet made on his Colbert Report account.

    The message posted March 27 at 4:02 p.m. (screen shot below) mocked Asian stereotypes. Offended readers slammed the message and spawned a #CancelColbert hashtag. The tweet was later deleted.

    For nearly a decade, Colbert has used an ultra-conservative persona while hosting the Comedy Central series. The format allows him to say some pretty outrageous things because, after all, it’s just a character. But readers thought this tweet went too far:

    I am willing to show #Asian community I care by introducing Ching-Chong Ding-Dong Foundation For Sensitivity to Orientals Or Whatever

    The tweet was originally a quote from Wednesday night’s show. But during the episode segment, the joke was in a clear context ? Colbert was mocking Redskins owner Dan Snyder for responding to complaints about his team name by announcing a foundation to help Native Americans. Stripped of that context on Twitter, the line seemed to be nothing more than a racist punchline.

    I’ve always found his O’Reilly stick dated and tiresome, so I’m enjoying the backlash from hypersensitive fans that can’t take a joke in context.

    1. It’s odd how sincere racism is bad, but fake racism with the same words is OK.

    2. It’s odd how sincere racism is bad, but fake racism with the same words is OK.

      1. It’s odd how fake racism gets progressives riled up, but implying Clarence Thomas is a house nigger is met with silence.

        1. And the tweet was deleted. Now that the impure thoughts have been purged, Colbert is free again to be edgy and speak truth to power against the Reich wing noise machine.

          herp. herp. herpa. derp.

          1. Derpy, you’re rapidly becoming one of my faves.

        2. Implying? They will scream it in your face in no uncertain terms.

        3. There’s nothing racist in calling an accomplished black guy a “house nigger” if he’s a conservative.

          /bo

          1. But calling a bossy cunt bossy is totes obvs supra sexist.

            I honestly don’t get why anybody still engages Bo-Bo. He’s a disingenuous twat who comes here to argue, exactly like Tulpa.

      2. Maybe because one is obviously sarcastic and satirical?

  63. Proof cats are conspiring against us: Two cases of tuberculosis in the UK linked to house cats

    Public Health England says two people have caught tuberculosis from a pet cat, the first time the bacterial disease has been documented to spread from cat to human.

    In a report published Thursday, the public health agency said it concluded tuberculosis samples taken from the cat and from two people in contact with the animal were “indistinguishable” and that the cat was considered to be “the likely source of infection.”

    The cases were caused Mycobacterium bovis, bacteria that typically causes tuberculosis in cattle.

    “M. bovis is still uncommon in cats — it mainly affects livestock animals,” Dr. Dilys Morgan, head of gastrointestinal, emerging and zoonotic diseases department at Public Health England, said in a press release.

    Between December 2012 and last April, veterinarians identified tuberculosis in nine pet cats in Berkshire and Hampshire, west of London. Public Health England said the two people who caught tuberculosis were recovering and said the risk of further spread from cats to humans is very low.

    Rise of the Planet of the Cats.

      1. uh oh, indeed!

        1. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY KITTIES?

          1. they’re in a better place now.

          2. They obviously spent too much time drinking and gambling with Doc Holliday.

            1. I wish my cats were so awesome. & didn’t hide on the cabinets whenever anybody walked up the stairs.

    1. So are we not worrying about the cat disease known as TOXOPLASMOSIS anymore?

      1. Pshaw. I’ve had cats almost constantly since age five — there is no way I don’t already have that.

  64. Jesus Christ, Mystic Pizza is on. I forgot how fucking long ago that was. I’m wondering if they have Mystic location shots, like the bridge. Julia Roberts is so young. And it has Vincent D’Onofrio too.

    Their pizza fucking sucks, by the way. And so does this movie.

    1. Vincent D’Onofrio has a sad. Yummy tears.

    2. Hey, that movie represented the end of the 80s, when we stopped watching movies about attractive blonde girls partying on the west coast, and more serious girls who sat around, smoked cigarettes and related to each other.

  65. White House Down. Worst movie I’ve EVAH seen.

    1. haven’t seen it, but worse than Battlefield: Earth?

      1. I haven’t seen White House Down either, but no.

    2. My roommate watched the entire run of Resident Evil movies this weekend.

      I beg to differ.

    3. Did you see ‘North’?

      1. No but it couldn’t possibly be this bad.

        1. “I hated this movie. Hated hated hated hated hated this movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it.”

          –Roger Ebert on ‘North’

          1. Is it as terrible as Drive?

            1. ‘Drive’ was overrated and based on the mistaken assumption that pasting enough homage over a glum and brooding character will make us forget how boring he is.

              ‘North’ was a mean-spirited movie that had no idea how mean-spirited and tasteless it was.

              1. I loved Drive, but I can see how people wouldn’t like it. The cinematography and score were enough for me.

  66. Man, you guys.seem to.have a lot of.fun here in the evenungs.

    1. During the day, we work. During the night, we drink.

      1. Full bottle in front of me
        time to roll up my sleeves,
        and get to work.
        And after many glasses of work
        I get paid in the brain

        1. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

    2. Reminds me of what my ol’ ma would say about commentin’ on Reason:

      “It ain’t as fun as fuckin’ or shootin’ but at least you can do it without spillin’ yer beer.”

  67. So at dinner I watched Hudson *not* run out a ground ball to 1st, and the Giants left fielder drop an easy catch and then laugh about it.
    I predict a poor season unless Bochy makes it clear that you don’t give games away.

    1. I blame Puig.

      1. So does everybody except his wife and dog.
        Well, I could be wrong about his dog.

  68. So I finally get to watch the Dodgers play a game on TV…but unfortunately it’s through the Angels’ crappy broadcasting team rather than Vin Scully.

    Damn you, Time Warner Cable.

    1. isn’t baseball the worst?

      1. Is it’s Canada’s second favorite summer sport after lacrosse?

        1. I thought Frolf was the 2nd summer sport in Canada.

  69. Y’all need to read this shit right quick like.

    Oh man, how do our ideological enemies consistently kick electoral sand in our faces? Is free shit really that powerful?

    1. You know they’ve done a study I piped up good and loud, they have, they’ve done a couple of them, that indicate that people who watch FUX Snuz are dumber than the rest of America.

      I did. I said that. And heres a link to a recent study. Looks like that article appeared in January this year.

      Anyway that’s just the way I am. I’m trying to do business with these people and there is that tv and I just cannot help myself.

      Especially when they so casually admit that they are assholes incapable of hiding their contempt for the rubes and rednecks.

      And it’s not people like that that beat us, it’s the comparatively smarter people in the Democratic Party that have figured out how to get said asshole to vote for free shit while building up a smug sense of superiority over the hicks in flyover country.

      1. Over/under on this douche actually saying anything to anyone at the counter other than, “thank you, sir.”?

        1. He is owed those plumbing parts.

    2. WTF is a Fux Snuz?

      1. It’s a HILARIOUS PLAY ON WORDS OF FOX NEWS

    3. He wasn’t clear enough about where the story took place.

      1. Maybe an occupy wall street type could open a successful plumbing supply house that is more to his liking. They seem to love entrepreneurialism in that movement.

    4. Also, that was hard for me to read because it didn’t make a lot of sense (and also because of the Jim Beam), but is he saying that we should do a study and when that study determines that his ideological opponents are insane then they should be killed?

      1. Once you wade through the immaturity and poor writing, that’s the gist of it.

        It’d be nice if these fuckers would jump already. I’m growing tired of their empty threats.

        1. That guy ain’t doin shit. Where would he get his plumbing parts? There’s no occupy plumbing parts co-op.

    5. Have I mentioned that I own guns because of people like him? Lots of guns.

      1. I actually didn’t read the end until now. Good God, people like that are a cancerous blight upon our republic.

        Luckily their sick, violent fantasies are predicated on someone else being willing to do the actual killing for them.

        Molon labe, and all that when they realize the other side is heavily armed and determined.

    6. People have two fundamental political instincts:

      1. Me, my, Mine

      and,

      2. Us, our, ours

      The libertarian instinct of getting worked up about individual rights ain’t present in most of the population.

    7. And there you have it. That is socialism in a nutshell. Be tolerant of that which I tell you to be tolerant of. If you will not, I will force you. When you resist, I will kill you.

      Never talk to me of the moral superiority of progressives. They are pure unadulterated evil.

      Worse than Hitler.

      1. oh apparently you can’t link to twitter search results.

        Just don’t look up #CancelColbert on the tweetbox

    1. Ha, I almost fell for that, but I hovered first.

    2. The tweet was actually from The Colbert Report account that’s run by Comedy Central.

      It’s actually not affiliated with the writers or Colbert himself.

    1. I know a girl from college that has bunnies and dresses them up in costumes and puts them in diorama type situations.

      Here you go.

    2. You know Nicole already went to bed, right?

  70. So, how did you celebrate National Cleavage Day?

    1. Wait, really? I wore the wrong shirt today! =(

  71. Well now that makes no sense at all dude.

    http://www.EliteVPN.tk

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