A.M. Links: Congress Invites Pope To Speak, Scott Brown May Run Again, Facebook To Start Running Video Ads

|

Large image on homepages
(Vatican)
  • can he perform an exorcism on congress?
    Vatican

    House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) extended an invitation to Pope Francis to address a joint session of Congress in 2015, an invitation supported by leaders from both parties. It would be the first time a pontiff addresses Congress.

  • In a post on Facebook, CEO Mark Zuckerberg said he called President Obama in the wake of revelations about the NSA's surveillance operations to express "frustration over the damage the government is creating for all of our future."
  • Scott Brown, formerly a senator from Massachusetts, may be preparing for another Senate run in 2014, in New Hampshire.
  • That former cop who fatally shot a man for texting in a Florida theater? He was texting too.
  • Facebook plans on starting to run 15 second video ads for users in early April.
  • The mayor of Mogadishu, who also serves as governor of the Benadir region of Somalia, has suggested that all security agencies in the region report directly to him.

Follow Reason and Reason 24/7 on Twitter, and like us on Facebook. You can also get the top stories mailed to you—sign up here.

NEXT: Friday Funnies: Russia Reset

Ed Krayewski is a former associate editor at Reason.

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. That former cop who fatally shot a man for texting in a Florida theater? He was texting too.

    Only police are trained to text and shoot.

    1. Rufus J. Firefly

      Hello.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly

        What will happen to the civility of this thread should I pass on? Will it sink into barbarity?

        I move to propose a law compelling Reason to say ‘Hello’ every morning.

        Or whither civilization.

        1. Guten Tag.

        2. Rich

          But will it be called “Rufus’s Law” or “Rufus’ Law”?

          1. gaijin

            Rufies law

            1. Roofies?!

          2. Neither, since he’s in Quebec. Their language police are going to shoot you for using the apostrophe.

            1. Rich

              Sacre’ bleu!

        3. Jordan

          Ni Hao. You Canuckistanians and your politeness.

          1. gaijin

            You Canuckistanians

            I always read this as canuck stain. What would Freud say?

        4. Comment ?a va?

          It’ll be Bush’s fault.

        5. invisible furry hand

          Cos what we really need is more laws

      2. mr simple

        It’s funny if you read this in Ed McMahon’s voice as a response to Fist as Johnny Carson.

        1. You are CORRECT sir.

  2. CampingInYourPark

    Young Invincibles , a nonprofit organization based in Washington, D.C. that is focused on the economic issues affecting young adults, launched a sweepstakes last week where it is awarding a cash prize of $1,200 ? enough to potentially cover a year’s worth of health insurance premiums for a young adult ? to people who download their health care app or submit a card in the mail.

    Why do people need more incentives to buy something they were so desperate for already?

    http://www.marketwatch.com/sto…..2014-03-14

    1. Andrew S.

      They just weren’t smart enough to know they needed it.

    2. Rich

      “Seriously, do you want your mothers to have a nervous breakdown? You need health insurance. It’s imperative that you have health insurance. … Taking care of yourself so your mothers can sleep and have a nice life after all they’ve done for you is not too much to ask in my opinion.”

      1. gaijin

        haha!

        Health insurance = taking care of your self

      2. Seriously, do you want your mothers to have a nervous breakdown?

        Yes.

        1. Red Rocks Rockin

          We nag you because we love you.

          I think I spotted Hillary’s 2016 campaign slogan.

      3. Brian D

        Think of the mothers!

        1. gaijin

          especially the hot ones

      4. Red Rocks Rockin

        Way to break down those stereotypes of hectoring Jewish mothers, there, Mrs. Feldstein.

    3. Rufus J. Fisk

      I am one of these “Young Invincibles” they love to lecture. I am 32 and do not have the extra income to pay for a shitty health plan where I will be paying the premium before I see any doctor. I love how they talk down to me as some sort of idiot who does not understand cost/benefit analysis. Fuck those assholes. Fuck them all

      1. Rufus J. Fisk

        deductible, not premium

        1. Firefly wouldn’t have made that mistake.

      2. Auric Demonocles

        I’m in the age range they want, but I do have insurance because:

        1) It’s part of my benefits package at work.

        2) Romneycare would screw me over if I didn’t have it.

        1. SugarFree

          Having a job is the worse form of racism.

          1. Auric Demonocles

            Did you know that they hired me, a white man, for this job, over the theoritical black lesbian who could have applied for it?

            And further: about 1/3 of our employees here in MA are Indians (as in born in India), which is clear evidence of racial subjugation. This is made even more clear by the fact that despite so many junior employees of other races the upper management are all white people who lived in MA in the 80s.

            1. the upper management are all white people who lived in MA in the 80s.

              Wang castoffs?

          2. califernian

            Having a job is the worse form of racism.

            Close. But *providing* a job is obviously worse.

      3. Rasilio

        Well in their defense it’s not like they understand cost/benefit analysis so why would they assume you did?

  3. Facebook plans on starting to run 15 second video ads for users in early April.

    Reason.com is way ahead of you. And it’s FABULOUS.

  4. sarcasmic

    Aren’t you a little young to be behind the wheel? Adorable moment that toddler is ‘pulled over’ by police in her toy convertible and given a $4 ticket for reckless driving

    Two-year-old Za’Dariyah Mishaw was driving her pedal car outside her Florida home when police arrived
    Officer Christian Velasco handed Za’Dariyah a $4 ticket for speeding
    Za’Dariyah’s uncle captured the heartwarming moment on camera
    Now the toddler has become an internet sensation

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..l-car.html
    Awwwwwwwwww. How cute. Cops giving tickets to children. Keep in mind that it’s a real ticket, and if it isn’t paid, an arrest warrant will be issued for the toddler. If there is any resistance during the arrest, the police will be perfectly justified in killing the kid.

    1. Rufus J. Firefly

      They didn’t throw her to the ground, beat, handcuff and accuse her of resisting arrest?

      Someone is gonna get teased at the precinct.

      1. Teased, tased, or both?

      2. a better weapon

        They didn’t throw her to the ground, beat, handcuff and accuse her of resisting arrest?

        That IS adorable!

    2. gaijin

      Was she DWB?

    3. Rich

      “Za’Dariyah”, eh? Obviously pulled over for pedaling while black.

      1. Rich

        Note to self: Refresh.

      2. Funny, but my first thought was Arab.

        1. Cdr Lytton

          Driving While Bedouin.

      3. 110 Lean

        Obviously pulled over for pedaling while black.

        I read about a black guy named Tyvarius. My question: When did black folk start naming their kids with Planet of the Apes style names and it due to internalized racism?

    4. RBS

      ‘It was fun moment, brightened up the whole day.

      What the fuck?

      1. Rufus J. Firefly

        One week later:

        Parent (opens mail): They actually PROCESSED the ticket?! What the fuck?!

  5. Caught On Video: Irate Man Walks Along Venice Boardwalk With Chainsaw

    A local shop owner saw what was happening and whipped out her camera to shoot video. Viviane Robertson, who’s been doing business on the boardwalk for 20 years, says police had their guns drawn and were yelling at the man to drop the chainsaw.

    “It was very scary,” Robertson said. “Somebody walking around with a chainsaw. You don’t expect that.”

    The chainsaw was not turned on but police told CBS2/KCAL9 reporter Brittney Hopper that the blades were so sharp they could have hurt someone.

    1. Which of our LA-area commenters were involved in this?

      1. CE

        Just exercising my 9th Amendment rights.

    2. Steve G

      My rifle was unloaded but the butt of it would have left a nasty welt

  6. Rich

    I see NSA has hacked the Zuckerberg link ….

  7. CampingInYourPark

    “Moms of Celebrities Star in Ad for Obamacare”

    Michelle Obama: ‘We Nag You Because We Love You.’

    http://www.weeklystandard.com/…..84927.html

    1. CampingInYourPark

      And if “nagging” won’t do it then…penaltax!

      1. And we arrest you for not heeding our nags or paying the penaltax because that’s how we do.

      2. VG Zaytsev

        We didn’t want to send you to the concentration reeducation camp, but we had not choice, because we love you and it’s for your own good.

    2. MJGreen

      So bossy is out, but naggy is still kosher?

  8. The mayor of Mogadishu, who also serves as governor of the Benadir region of Somalia, has suggested that all security agencies in the region report directly to him.

    That’s not very libertarian of him.

    1. Andrew S.

      How are they going to report to him without any roadz?

    2. Tonio

      Mayor…Governor…how can that be? We are told Somalia is a libertarian paradise, free from any taint (!) of government. How can they have governors and mayors?

    3. CE

      Waddya mean? Anarchists are always saying that spontaneous order and security alliances will emerge in the absence of a state.

  9. Friday time-waster: 2048, a sliding tile game. (No NSFW images here.)

    1. mr simple

      Damn you, that is strangely addicting.

    2. I thought it was boring.

    3. invisible furry hand

      I WILL GET 2048 OR DIE IN THE ATTEMPT

    4. CE

      Tetris still rules them all.

  10. sarcasmic

    ‘I’m so jealous!’ Former child star Emma Watson admits she’s envious of actresses who ‘get to emerge as a complete human being’

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..being.html
    I soooo lust her.

    1. Certified Public Asskicker

      Really like the pig tails.

      God I’m such a perv.

      1. God I’m such a perv.

        We already knew that.

        1. Certified Public Asskicker

          Thank you for accepting me. Or being disgusted by me. Thank you for being here Ted.

          1. Everybody has some kink.

            1. Ted’s is that he only likes women who can be made to look like Greta Garbo.

              1. prolefeed

                Or men who sorta look like Greta Garbo in dim light.

                NTTAWWT

    2. Notorious G.K.C.

      She’s a witch-y woman.

    3. Restoras

      Yep. Me too. She seems to be maturing quite nicely – and seems quite complete to me.

    4. I soooo lust her.

      cool story bro

    5. SugarFree

      If you haven’t seen Perks of Being a Wallflower yet, she is quite fetching in it. One of those movies designed to make you fall in love with the lead actress.

    6. gaijin

      I’m so jealous!’ Former child star Emma Watson admits she’s envious of actresses who’get to emerge as a complete human being’

      As opposed to what? Those who are born missing a brain?

    7. Tonio

      Dear Emma Watson, that phrase “get to emerge” (whatever “emerge” means) ignores the (admittedly limited) agency of the young actors in having accepted those roles. Now, if it is proven that the parents were forcing those young actors to perform against their will, that’s another matter, but still no nebulous forces at work.

    8. Auric Demonocles

      Back when she was about 12-13 in the early movies, I thought she was going to turn out to be a super hot woman. I think she still turned out pretty good, but not as high as my expectations were.

      To minimize the creepiness: Remember, I’m only about 1.5 years older than her.

      1. Certified Public Asskicker

        *Furiously googles*

        Ok, I’m only 4 years older.

        1. hamilton

          *Furiously googles*

          OK, I’m only…um…

          *Furiously deletes search history*

          1. Certified Public Asskicker

            But no vigorous fondling while at work.

          2. Auric Demonocles

            Maybe you should stick to the Boy Scouts.

            1. Certified Public Asskicker

              According to Tony, there is nothing gayer.

              1. Restoras

                Not even the Navy?

              2. Big Gay Al concurs.

  11. Certified Public Asskicker

    Because I heard it this morning, alternate alt-text:

    “Hail Mary full of grace, smack the bitch in the face
    Take her Gucci bag and the North Face”

    1. Tonio

      Class envy, FTW. In what context did you hear that?

      1. Certified Public Asskicker

        Talk radio was uninteresting and I needed something to pick me up after working so much, so I went for the rap mix.

        It’s from Dead Wrong by B.I.G. and Eminem

  12. 303 Deaths Seen in G.M. Cars With Failed Air Bags

    As lawmakers press General Motors and regulators over their decade-long failure to correct a defective ignition switch, a new review of federal crash data shows that 303 people died after the air bags failed to deploy on two of the models that were recalled last month.

    The review of the air bag failures from 2003 to 2012, by the Friedman Research Corporation, adds to the mounting reports of problems that went unheeded before General Motors announced last month that it was recalling more than 1.6 million cars worldwide because of the defective switch. G.M. has linked 12 deaths to the faulty switch in the two models analyzed, the 2005-7 Chevrolet Cobalts and 2003-7 Saturn Ions, as well as four other models.

    1. I don’t think the fact that all of these cars are compacts or subcompacts is a coincidence. The only exception is the HHR but it’s not like that thing is huge.

      1. Mokers

        Hhr shares the same platform with the cobalt. It’s boxy so it has more room inside, but it is still small.

        1. Thanks! I did not know that.

          So the compact and subcompacts aren’t safe. In other news dog bites man.

          1. prolefeed

            And saying that the airbag not deploying caused the deaths is taking correlation for causation.

            If you’re wearing a seatbelt, an airbag doesn’t make much difference in your ability to survive a crash. Having more sheetmetal between you and trouble is more likely to help you survive.

      2. Zeb

        Is there something about the size of the car that makes it more likely for airbags to fail to work properly?
        Or just that American companies are bad at making small cars?

        1. I would say it’s a mix of both. Lord knows what happens to the systems when a small car hits a truck or SUV. Small cars fail safety tests more often, but that doesn’t really answer your question.

        2. SIV

          It was the ignition switch

    2. Andrew S.

      When they go bankrupt again because of the lawsuits, is our government going to bail them out again?

      (Rhetorical question)

      1. That’s pretty much their business plan, and so far, it’s worked.

  13. sarcasmic

    Cheet-ing death! Tourist comes within inches of inquisitive cheetah when it pokes its head through car sunroof

    Big cat hops on Land Rover in Tanzania’s Serengeti National Park

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..nroof.html
    I got to pet a cheetah once. Their hair is very coarse. Not soft in the slightest.

    1. Rufus J. Firefly

      That 5th picture is hilarious.

      I guess it makes sense their fur would be coarse given the speed they need. It’s all physics or some shit.

      1. Fucking cheetah hair, how does it work?

        /Juggalo

    2. “Their hair is very coarse. Not soft in the slightest.”

      You sure it wasn’t STEVE SMITH?

      1. Rufus J. Firefly

        “Not soft in the slightest.”

        That’s what she said!

    3. Zeb

      I imagine most tropical mammals have pretty coarse fur. Fine, soft fur is insulation.

  14. Caleb Turberville

    I recently learned that the NIH has discovered racial, gender, and regional biases in their grant allocation methods. I’ve seen some research trying to determine the racial and gender biases, but I haven’t seen much on any regional, or other biases, that might favor a certain institution over another. Although, it seems reasonable to assume Ivy League school would have an easier time competing for grants than SEC schools, based on the political favoritism that comes along with being an Ivy League institution.

    I’m curious as to the Public Choice Theoretical implications of the bias and what it says about the NIH grant review boards.

  15. extended an invitation to Pope Francis to address a joint session of Congress in 2015, an invitation supported by leaders from both parties. It would be the first time a pontiff addresses Congress.

    Wouldn’t a visit from the Bishop of Rome cause the Congress to go up in smoke and fire? If so, I for it.

    1. Maybe he could throw holy water on them and chant “The power of Christ compels you!” and we could watch hundreds of COngresscritters writhe in agony!

      1. gaijin

        +666

    2. Tonio

      Yeah, that. My question is why? Are they inviting him as a religious leader, and if so are we going to have a parade of priests, imams, rabbis, ministers and shamans? If he’s being invited in his role of head of state of Vatican City (LOL), then are we doing the same thing for the Captain Regent of San Marino, the head guy of Andorra, etc?

      1. are we going to have a parade of priests, imams, rabbis, ministers and shamans?

        We already do. You’ve heard of the prayer breakfast, right?

        1. Tonio

          I have heard of the National Prayer Breakfast, but that’s a private event; this is inviting a religious leader to address a joint session of Congress.

          AFAIK, the NPP has always featured Christian invocations and prayers, but I can’t find a list. They might have let a rabbi in, once, but I’d be very surprised if holy men from any other religions had offered invocations. Anyone know?

          BTW, prayer breakfasts are a big thing here in the south – usually “bible businessmen” or similar groups.

          1. Cdr Lytton

            How about this religious leader?

            (Although it wasn’t a join session.)

            1. Cdr Lytton

              Here we go. Head of the C of E addresses Congress.

            2. Tonio

              Thanks, guys.

      2. Drave Robber

        Not sure there is a ‘head guy’ in Andorra as it’s technically a condominium. (of some Spanish bishop and French king, substituted by a president these days)

        1. A condominium?

          1. Yes. A “con” (together) “dominion” = Condominium.

          2. Drave Robber

            Umm, that might be the right word in Latin but not in modern English, and I need more coffee. 🙂

            Wikipedia uses ‘co-principality‘.

            Also, there seems to be an executive ‘head guy’ nevertheless.

        2. Tonio

          Damn you! Yes, I knew that but was hoping it would slide under the radar. Should have gone with Monaco or one of the Pacific island-nations.

  16. Brian D

    Scott Brown, formerly a senator from Massachusetts, may be preparing for another Senate run in 2014, in New Hampshire.

    He’d be better than Shaheen, but that’s a very low hurdle to clear.

    1. Because NH needs more Massholes.

      1. Rufus J. Firefly

        Brown is the least offensive of the Massholes. Conservatives hate him accusing of him of being nothing but a RINO.

        Which only goes to show how moonbattish Mass. is having voted for Warren over him.

  17. …an invitation supported by leaders from both parties.

    This, of course, has nothing to do with the Catholic Church membership being one of the largest voting blocs in the country.

    1. MJGreen

      The Pope is so hot right now.

      1. As a great philosopher once sung:
        You can be the president
        I’d rather be the pope.

        1. 110 Lean

          Worst Haiku ever.

      2. Free Society

        I heard he’s working on a new look that will change the world.

        1. gimmeasammich

          Is that Blue Steel or Magnum?

  18. China Bond Risk Exceeds Ireland as Defaults Unavoidable

    China’s leaders are wrestling with the fallout from a credit boom that began with a 2008 stimulus package, funded with off-balance-sheet financing arranged by local governments and banks. While those efforts avoided putting strain on state banks and the central government, they are less transparent.

    Regional authorities, which aren’t allowed to sell debt directly, set up thousands of financing vehicles to raise funds to build subways, highways and sewage works. Their liabilities rose to 17.9 trillion yuan ($2.9 trillion) as of June 2013 from 10.7 trillion yuan at the end of 2010, according to National Audit Office data.

  19. sarcasmic

    Dog eaten in its kennel by a python: Owner finds snake with leash still dangling from its mouth

    Woman left her dog chained in its outdoor kennel at night so it wouldn’t disturb local wildlife
    When she went to let him off his chain in the morning, her chihuahua-maltese cross was gone
    Instead a 2.5-metre python was lying curled in the kennel with a dog-sized bulge in its belly
    The bloated snake still had the end of the chain hanging from its mouth
    Experts say the python, estimated to be at least 50 years old, strangled the dog before swallowing it whole
    The snake was taken to a nearby wildlife sanctuary for possible surgery to remove the chain
    Dog’s owner was ‘very upset’ when she phoned wildlife rescue to report the incident

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..mouth.html
    Haaaaaaaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    1. hamilton

      Jesus. Australia scares the crap out of me, I am not ashamed to admit. Fifty ways to die in your own damn backyard.

      1. I would need to walk around with a flamethrower, clearing the path wherever I went.

        1. hamilton

          Damn straight. I’m way too high on the evolutionary chain to be taken out by a damned garden spider without resorting to my superior technology.

          1. invisible furry hand

            Aah, redbacks don’t count. Not when these are the real nasty bastards in the garden

            1. stop it! I’m already having a hard enough time sleeping with the time zone change.

              1. Drop bears, spiders and crocs, oh my!

                1. invisible furry hand

                  You’ve forgotten sharks, killer jellyfish, and some angry insects.

                  And that’s before you get to floods, cyclones, bushfires, and a high rate of skin cancer

                  1. Reminds me of my new favorite superhero.

                  2. Look, ifh, if we are going to catalog dangerous terra australis life forms, we will be here all day!

          2. prolefeed

            In many of the species that exhibit sexual cannibalism, the female cannibalizes the male upon detection. Females of cannibalistic species are generally hostile and unwilling to mate; thus many males of these species have developed adaptive behaviors to counteract female aggression.

            Do the females read the arachnid version of Jezebel?

    2. I would have slaughtered that snake on the spot.

      1. That’s probably a crime in Australia.

    3. Rufus J. Firefly

      Did it burp when it was found?

    4. invisible furry hand

      Mrs Ulyatt said the snake, which was estimated to be more than 50 years old, should survive the surgery and eventually be released back into the local area. But animal lovers shouldn’t worry, she says, as it is highly unlikely that any other dogs would be taken.

      Oh well that’s a relief

    5. Floridian

      I was bracing for another rant about Florida when I read dog eaten by Python and was pleasantly surprise to see Australia listed. My own personal little anti-nut punch.

      1. Florida is weird, but has a ways to go to catch Australia in lethality.

        Say, is Mountie Python’s (note anti-Quebecker apostrophe) considering opening any Australian locations?

        1. CE

          Especially since Dexter joined the other serial killers in the Pacific Northwest.

      2. Zeb

        The Mail only reports stories from America if they make Americans look stupid or violent.

        1. CE

          So does every local TV station in LA. They call it the local news.

      3. carol

        I was thinking the same thing. Now that a couple of pythons have been spotted in Hillsborough Co. (one killed) I feel a bit hinky when I go out kayaking on my own.

    6. gimmeasammich

      When I read that article I kept thinking about that TV Funhouse episode where you had to guess what Terrance the Snake ate based on the shape inside of his body (old lady in a rocking chair, kid playing baseball, etc.). It always ended up just being a pile of rats.

  20. gaijin

    In a post on Facebook, CEO Mark Zuckerberg said he called President Obama…to express “frustration over the damage the government is creating for all of our future.

    And by “damage to all our futures”, he means damage to Facebook’s stock price and to those with stock options.

  21. Rufus J. Fisk

    Sub teaching prep period….woooooo!!!!! (Ric Flair version)

    1. Did you switch names?

      1. Rufus J. Fisk

        nope

      2. Rufus J. Firefly

        We’re not the same people.

        Sigh.

        1. Weird.

      3. BiMonSciFiCon

        One has a flapping head, that’s how you can tell the difference.

  22. sarcasmic

    Border Patrol agent suspected of brutally raping three women before killing himself

    Esteban Manzanares is accused of raping a mother and her two 14-year-old daughters near the border fence in Texas
    He is said to have slashed the mother’s wrists and tried to break one of the teens’ necks
    The recently-divorced man then took the other teen girl to his apartment and tied her up for hours before raping her and killing himself, police said

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..mself.html
    At least the story had a happy ending.

    1. Andrew S.

      Wanna bet there will be people who would justify that because the victims might’ve been illegals? Lets’ see…

      The Last Englishman, London, United Kingdom, 8 hours ago
      The illegals wouldn’t be in that mess if they stayed where they belong. Wanna play you’re gonna pay.

      Ah, there it is.

    2. Jordan

      It’s all good. He committed his crimes within the Constitution-free zone.

      1. gaijin

        Plus they probably did not cover NOT raping people in the agent’s training.

    3. invisible furry hand

      I wish the bloody Fail wouldn’t describe them as “three women” when two out of the three were kids

      1. They probably have headline length limits. (Yeah, I know it makes no sense for the Internet, but there you are.)

        As you probably know, I really hate when news stories focus on the dead kids and practically ignore the dead adults, with phrasing like, “Ten people killed in accident; three of them were children.”

        1. It’s a math problem: “If dude kills ten people, and three of them were children, how many adults were killed?”

  23. :Pa. House OKs Miller bill to change union harassment rules

    A bill that would eliminate an exception for labor disputes in the state’s anti-harassment law has the Pennsylvania state House’s approval.

    House members voted 115 to 74 on Wednesday to send the bill to the Senate. It would change the law regarding harassment, stalking and threatening the use of a weapon of mass destruction in labor disputes.

    The proposal was supported by all voting Republicans and opposed by most Democrats.

  24. SugarFree

    Warty Hugeman and The Doomcock of Doom

    Chapter Five

    Warty Hugeman peeked over the top of the bathroom stall and watched until he saw himself come in. The mega-silk cape and creamy ivory boots. The liquid shift of hard muscles under tight clothes.

    “God-fucking-dammit, I am gorgeous,” he muttered. He ducked back down, running his thumb over the spiral pattern in the projectile pistol’s grip in anticipation. The Doomcock had run through erection protocols and was fully deployed trough the timesuit. It bounced to his pulse. The dull crump of the EMP grenade going off. Wait. Wait. Wait.

    Warty kicked open the door of the stall and stormed across the vast bathroom, the Doomcock flailing with deadly purpose. A small, lithe figure was hunched over his crotch, head-to-toe in light-swallowing black and masked.

    “Hey, asshole.” The figure looked up, the already detached Hydra in its hand. Warty fired two shock rounds into center mass. No effect.

    “Run, you little shit,” he told the thief as it turned to escape. “Run so I can catch you.”

    Continue reading

    1. hamilton

      With a twist that’s almost Shyamalan-esque!

    2. Aloysious

      Every time I read one of these, I read the protagonist as ‘Marty Hugman’.

      I know that says something bad about me, I just don’t know what.

      1. prolefeed

        I think you reading these monstrosities is all the warning we need to give you a wide berth.

      2. prolefeed

        I think you reading these monstrosities is all the warning we need to give you a wide berth.

    3. Bravo! AUTHOR! AUTHOR!

    4. JW

      It’s a twist! With a swirl!

    5. db

      Oh, Bra-VO!

  25. sarcasmic

    Landmark Settlement Reached In Preakness Arrest Case

    http://baltimore.cbslocal.com/…..rest-case/

    As part of the new policy, all officers going through training will be taught that they can never tell you to stop recording as long as you’re somewhere where you have a right to be and no officer can confiscate your phone just because you have video that they don’t want you to see.

    They need special training to understand that the law isn’t whatever they make up on the spot. With regards to being filmed anyway.

  26. Hey, I remember this douchebag

    Former Dem Rep. Who Voted for Obamacare Speaks Out Against HHS Mandate

    Former congressman Bart Stupak of Michigan, who left office in 2011 after deciding not to run for reelection, penned an op-ed in USA Today on Tuesday saying that while he still supports Obamacare, he thinks Americans “should not be required to relinquish our conscience and moral convictions in order to implement the Affordable Care Act.”

    “We received an ironclad commitment [from the president] that our conscience would remain free and our principles would be honored,” Stupak wrote. “I had hoped that more of my Democratic colleagues would object to the way the contraception mandate has been applied.”

    1. Notorious G.K.C.

      “He said he’d respect me in the morning!”

    2. CampingInYourPark

      “We received an ironclad commitment [from the president] that our conscience would remain free and our principles would be honored,” Stupak wrote. “I had hoped that more of my Democratic colleagues would object to the way the contraception mandate has been applied.”

      Yeah, that contraception mandate is the only thing unethical about the ACA
      /derp

    3. wareagle

      Stupak gave up his convictions but argues others should not. Shocking that this bit of obtuseness comes from a former Congressman. You got played, Bart; it’s that simple.

    4. HAHAHAAHAHAHA

      Former congressman Bart Stupak of Michigan, who left office in 2011 after deciding not to run for reelection realizing he would lose because of Obamacare

    5. carol

      What you got, Stupak, was an Executive Order. What the magic pen gives, the magic pen can take away.

  27. A poll released by the Public Religion Research Institute in October 2013 showed that 22 percent of Americans consider themselves libertarian or lean libertarian. Forty-five percent of libertarians side with Republicans, while 5 percent identify as Democrats. Fifty-three percent of libertarians consider themselves reliable primary voters. A CNN poll from 2011 had 63 percent of respondents saying government was doing too much. A poll commissioned by the Harvard Institute of Politics last year showed that a majority of 18-29 year olds do not want the government collecting any of their personal information data. A new Pew Research Center survey shows that 69 percent of millennials think marijuana should be legalized.

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..here-soon/

    1. Andrew S.

      PB logic: Since a poll by PRRI shows that 45% of people who call themselves libertarian side with Republicans, everything he says here about people being shills for Team Red is true.

      1. PM

        SOCONZ!!!!!!(!!!!)!!!!!!

        /Bo

      2. hamilton

        What percentage would you say are delusional morons? I’m not sure the poll was clear on that number.

        1. Could it be…8%?

      3. Actually, I like polls and tend to believe the good ones.

        But the main takeaway is that 22% identify as libertarian.

        I really, really want a viable third party in this country.

        1. PM

          Everybody’s a libertarian until they get in a voting booth.

    2. Define “libertarian.” Because the term seems to encompass a variety of ideas.

      1. hamilton

        Define “libertarian.”

        This ought to get added to the drinking game if it isn’t there already.

        1. This ought to get added to the drinking game if it isn’t there already.

          Why so? He said people identify as libertarian. Is that big or little “L.” If 22% identify as libertarian, but only 1% vote libertarian, it seems someone has a definition issue. So my question is what was the criteria for libertarian.

          1. prolefeed

            1) Self-identifying as a libertarian, and then

            2) voting

            3) for someone running for office who says they are libertarian-ish

            4) and who is running on the LP ticket, assuming there are any such candidates for a given race

            is gonna be just a subset of the Venn diagram of people who non-libertarian pollsters claim are libertarian-ish.

      2. Tonio

        I’m guessing it was self-identification, so YMMV.

    3. Re: Peter Caca,

      Forty-five percent of libertarians side with Republicans, while 5 percent identify as Democrats.

      That would mean 50% of libertarians have no party affiliation and that at least 5% of them are bullshitting the pollsters.

      1. prolefeed

        You can be a Democrat (or a Republican) and self-identify as a libertarian, if you’re not paying attention or have a massive capacity for dealing with cognitive dissonance.

  28. CampingInYourPark

    Hard Workerz:

    The man who is planning to sue the rescuers who saved his life from a submerged car for $500,000 is likely in the country illegally, according to a comment given by the man’s lawyer to Fox News’ Gretchen Carlson.

    Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2014/03…..z2vwT2ngI3

    1. Jordan

      Hard working Muricans never file frivolous lawsuits.

      1. CampingInYourPark

        Sure they do, the Murican lawyer is working extra hard on the case

    2. Matrix

      No harm, no foul. Fuck this douchebag.

  29. sarcasmic

    Rand Paul on alleged CIA-Senate hacking: ‘This cannot happen in a free country’

    http://washingtonexaminer.com/…..le/2545625
    Where is this free country of which you speak, Mr Paul?

    1. PM

      We don’t even have Somalia anymore, what with that goddamn mayor centralizing the military.

      1. gaijin

        Is Liberia free?

    2. Auric Demonocles

      It’s in that other thread we had about it!

  30. The Late P Brooks

    It would be the first time a pontiff addresses Congress.

    Anti-capitalist professional courtesy.

    1. Yes, why no invitation for the anti-communist pope? Or the recent Nazi pope?

      1. Auric Demonocles

        I know one pope they won’t be willing to risk offending..

    2. Rich

      It’d be awesome if some congresscreature ran up to sit on his lap.

      1. Tonio

        I’d settle for a ring-kissing. Srsly, they still do that shit.

  31. Obamacare: MNsure plans to spend $12.5 million for website, call center fixes

    Enrollment in commercial plans through MNsure has fallen short of expectations because of troubles with the website and call center. While both are improving, MNsure last month lowered its enrollment projections for the number of people signing up in commercial plans.

    Low commercial enrollment creates a budget problem for MNsure, because starting next year it must fund operations by withholding up to 3.5 percent of premiums sold. Operations this year are being funded by federal grants ? Minnesota has received about $150 million from the federal government to create the MNsure exchange.

    MNsure’s website woes not only have frustrated consumers, but they’ve also prompted an outside consultant in January to recommend a range of fixes. The board met Wednesday in a private session to discuss strategies for negotiating a contract with a new prime vendor for the IT system.

    $150mil? why they could have installed SAP for that kind of money.

    1. SugarFree

      $150mil? why they could have installed SAP for that kind of money.

      I often daydream about firebombing that company. And I’m only on the user end of that infected piece of dogfuck.

      1. Heh – my company used to be partnered with a really large multi-billion dollar chemical company to make (plastic) automotive parts.

        I once received a call from their lead EDI coordinator, wondering what systems we used. She was shocked that we could import the data directly into our ERP system. They had SAP and were doing rip ‘n’ reads, manually inputting all the schedule information.

        1. db

          Let me guess…Nova Chemical?

        2. SugarFree

          I’m convinced that the architects of SAP are in fact eldritch horrors from beyond spacetime that feed upon the frustration of those doomed humans forced to use it.

          1. gaijin

            the architects of SAP

            Well they are German

          2. Nephilium

            And yet it still gets “implemented”… When will people learn to avoid the cultists of Gartner?

            1. andarm16

              But then how would managers get their daily required dose of buzzwords?

      2. If you need technical advice on bomb making, I was an Ordnance Corps guy – and have my own…difficulties with SAP.

        Just sayin’

        1. SugarFree

          I’m thinking a thermobaric device. Or maybe something that is both fuel-air and a daisy-cutter.

          1. Oh yea, FAE is the way to go.

    2. Don Mynack

      Couldn’t they just give $1000 to every citizen of Minnesota in an HSA/FSA account and call it a day?

  32. Rich

    Saudi Cleric Issues Fatwa Against All-You-Can-Eat Buffets

    But not for the reason you might think.

    1. mr simple

      He didn’t get all he could eat?

    2. Notorious G.K.C.

      I linked this yesterday.

      Like Saudi men are going to avoid stuffing their faces.

      1. KDN

        Or Saudi women.

    3. Rasilio

      You know if I were a criminal sort I would SO open a chain of All you can eat buffets as a money laundering operation.

      Since there is no way to tie your food purchases to your revenue and it is frequently a cash business it becomes very easy to simply inflate the number of customers a day you serve by 30 or 40% and just add that money to the restaurants bottom line

      1. Tonio

        Not only that, the all-you-can-eat model allows you to inflate your food costs. If the inspectors show up on a really slow day you can claim that your high food costs are due to spoilage and mandatory discarding.

        Win, win, win.

        1. Rasilio

          Yep, it really is the perfect money laundering operation

          1. BiMonSciFiCon

            Damn it! Think of the story lines! /Vince Gilligan.

  33. mr simple

    Facebook plans on starting to run 15 second video ads for users in early April.

    So is the Facebook is officially over now?

    1. ^^ this ^^

      If I have to watch a 15sec video every time I login…

    2. that will last all of five seconds, I would say. everyone will just get anti-ad plugins

      1. CampingInYourPark

        that will last all of five seconds, I would say. everyone will just get anti-ad plugins

        Anybody that would play “Candy Crush Saga” or “Farmville” is probably not going to bother with an anti-ad plugin.

        1. how does that follow?

          1. CampingInYourPark

            Because 15 seconds of wasted time isn’t likely a concern to someone that doesn’t mind spending hours every day wasting time.

            1. Rabban

              You sir are quite mistaken.

  34. PM

    College group cancels diversity ‘happy hour’ after excluding white staffers

    The “Staff, Faculty and Administrators of Color” encouraged employees to reply to the invitation to find out the confidential date and time of what was being called a “happy hour” to “build support and community” for people of color.

    The invite made it clear white people were not invited.

    The email read: “If you want to create space for white folks to meet and work on racism, white supremacy, and white privilege to better our campus community and yourselves, please feel free to do just that.”

    1. I was talking about this one elsewhere and I wondered what they would have done if a POC had brought a white significant other. Extra lulzy: what if the interracial couple was gay?

      1. PM

        Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh

    2. Notorious G.K.C.

      Ma-ybe the Staff, Faculty and Administrators of Paleness can have a whites-only meeting. No controversy there!

      1. Zeb

        As long as it’s “to meet and work on racism, white supremacy, and white privilege”, it’s OK. Otherwise, the white folk should just sit quietly and think about their privilege.

        1. Notorious G.K.C.

          “Go sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.”

    3. And, of course, these are the people who claim to be tolerant, diverse, and broad-minded.

    4. Rhywun

      You can’t make this stuff up.

  35. A man of the people…

    Obama stock rises in NYC

    President Obama has never loved making the NYC buckraking circuit with the Democratic Wall Street elite. And many in that crowd have not always loved him. He’s usually in and out as quickly as possible, people at the events say. And the hard-core Hillary Clinton crowd has not always warmed to him. The “fat cat” stuff certainly never helped. That’s changing at least a little bit, top donors say. Alan and Susan Patricof, Hillary-loyalists, drew a good crowd for their DNC event with Obama Tuesday night.

    And one attendee at the DSCC event at Blackstone President Tony James’ apartment said the president should get more credit for talking straight to finance types. “You have to give him credit. Being in private rooms with rich people is not his favorite thing. But I can’t think of a single time in ten years where after the press folks leave he has given an answer that was spin as opposed to what he really thinks.”

    1. gaijin

      I can’t think of a single time in ten years where after the press folks leave he has given an answer that was spin…

      Transparency!

    2. Rufus J. Firefly

      And what he really thinks is nothing more than run of the mill, sophomoric left-wing gibberish.

      /runs finger up and down lips furiously.

    3. hamilton

      President Obama has never loved making the NYC buckraking circuit with the Democratic Wall Street elite…….’Being in private rooms with rich people is not his favorite thing.’….

      Via opensecrets.org:
      Barack Obama (D)
      California $62,759,989
      New York $36,982,096
      Illinois $17,847,698
      Massachusetts $17,315,441
      Texas $15,240,394

      Sigh.

    4. They loved his direct answer about fucking up the filthy coal business in favor of natural gas and renewables.

      You have to admit that was non-spin.

      Oh, and fuck coal. We will be better off without it just like when Bush 41 signed a ban on sulphur dioxide. The market adjusted well.

      1. Re: Peter Caca,

        They loved his direct answer about fucking up the filthy coal business in favor of natural gas and renewables.

        Leaving aside the fact that renewables will never be able to compete with oil, gas, coal or even nuclear because of this thing that hates children and puppies called “Laws of Physics” – natural gas has grown because of technological advances, not because of this administration.

  36. Ukraine anxiety triggers flight to safety, stocks tumble

    Heightened tensions ahead of Ukraine’s weekend referendum in Crimea and stresses over China’s growth pushed world stocks to their lowest in a month on Friday and sent investors scurrying into safe-haven gold and bonds.

    European shares .FTEU3 started the day down 0.6 percent, putting most of the region on course for its biggest weekly drop since January while the DAX .GDAXI, whose German constituents have the most exposure to Russia, was facing its largest weekly losses since the height of the euro crisis in June 2012. .EU

    Hardest hit was Moscow’s MICEX index. It was down more than 5 percent at its lowest since 2009 and there was no let up in the pressure on the ruble either as it hovered near an all-time low.


  37. China’s Li Keqiang warns investors to prepare for wave of bankruptcies
    World’s second largest economy is facing ‘serious challenges’ and many companies with high debts are being forced to the wall.

    http://www.theguardian.com/wor…..nkruptcies

    Li “W” Keqiang?

    1. Jordan

      Monetarist clowns blindsided by bubble of their own making. News at 11.

    2. Re: Peter Caca,

      Li “W” Keqiang?

      Ze idiot dere zinks presidents make monetary policy.

      1. OM, he’s been in a blind rage since Boooosh! caused his series of very painful hemorrhoid attacks back in ’03.

  38. Notorious G.K.C.

    Chris Matthews says Democrats are losing because they’re just too smart and sophisticated for the voters

    “And why is it hard for Democrats to fight that? Well, for one thing, Democrats generally can see the complexity of our times. The polls show this. They don’t think they have all the answers. They’d like to see some deal making between the parties and across the aisles.

    “Two, the Democrats know that the health care program, as it’s been put there, could be improved. They’re thinking about it. They’re watching it. The Republicans — well, you don’t really have to think much if you’re just ticked off, do you? All you have to do is go to your base and go back to cutting government spending, attacking health care, hating the President and guarding your values.”

    http://newsbusters.org/blogs/s…..-complexit

    1. Jordan

      They don’t think they have all the answers.

      HAHAHA. Yeah, the party that’s in love with central planning doesn’t think they have all the answers. Right.

    2. gaijin

      They don’t think they have all the answers.

      Lie

    3. wareagle

      hey, Chris – condescending to the folks across the aisle and basically calling them unthinking is not a good strategy for this cross-party collegiality you blather about.

    4. “Bitter clingers” – Obama nailed that one down.

      GIT YER GUN AND BIBLE BOYS! THE COMMIES ARE COMIN!

      1. PM

        Ordinarily he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid.

        – Heinrich Heine

        1. Are you talking about Obama, Shreeky, or both?

          1. PM

            The only correct answer to that is: yes

        2. Restoras

          A+

        3. Ordinarily he was insane, but 8% of the time he was merely stupid.

          FTFY

          1. Heh

        4. This example distills our widening political culture divide perfectly.

          How many young people respect the Bible-beating gun fetishists that make up today’s conservative base?

          Versus the educated open-minded technoratti that make up the liberal base?

          And of course, the two groups are divided by geography – Red State vs Blue State.

          There is nothing wrong with owning a gun or Bible, of course. It is the bitter-clinger mindset that elevates a user of such to a heroic status that is harmful.

          1. Jordan

            What is open-minded about gun bans, sugar bans, smoking bans, trans fat bans, insurance policy bans, insurance mandates, taxi cartels, labor cartels, and a gargantuan regulatory state that proscribes a vast array of voluntary trades?

            1. Are we talking Obama or Bloomberg? The only one on your list that reasonably applies to Obama is the insurance mandate.

              1. Jordan

                Versus the educated open-minded technoratti that make up the liberal base?

              2. Jordan

                Does Obama support the Wagner Act? Does Obamacare ban certain insurance policies? Does Obama support gun control? Has Obama reduced the number of regulations?

                All yes, except for the last one.

              3. KDN

                a gargantuan regulatory state that proscribes a vast array of voluntary trades.

                fucking up the filthy coal business in favor of natural gas and renewables.

                WHAT OBAMA SAID IS NOT APPLICABLE TO OBAMA

                1. I never said Obama was a libertarian – just that he is better than Bush/GOP on size of government. And he is not trying to ban contraception/abortion or gays kissing/marrying.

                  But you evade the central topic of “bitter clinger” conservatives and why they should be dumped into the dustbin of history.

                  Obama skillfully (but not publicly) nailed it down. Theocrats are worse than a Bloomberg sequestered in New York City is.

                  Your mileage may vary.

                  1. You know who else was better than who else?

                  2. I never said Obama was a libertarian – just that he is better than Bush/GOP on size of government.

                    Absolutely. If you believe government shold be bigger.

    5. Mickey Rat

      “Well, for one thing, Democrats generally can see the complexity of our times. The polls show this. They don’t think they have all the answers.”

      How can members of a party that is for so many top-down, one size fits all, micromanaging policies claim they don’t think they have all the answers? How can Matthews say that with a straight face?

      1. Restoras

        He can say it with a straight face because he still has the zeal of the converted. When you beleive you are right about everything, and if only everyone else would just listen, you can say and beleive anything with a straight face.

        Every ideologue in history has behaved exactly the same.

    6. Well, for one thing, Democrats generally can see the complexity of our times.

      “I’m too sexy for this crowd. Too sexy, it hurts.”

      They’d like to see some deal making between the parties and across the aisles.

      Especially touching the way the Dems stretch their hand across the table while at the same time accusing their opponents of wanting to starve children and drown puppies.

      Two, the Democrats know that the health care program, as it’s been put there, could be improved.

      Anything can be improved if you start from clusterfuck, upwards. ADMITTING it was a clusterfuck from the beginning – well, that’s just Republican propaganda because Republicans want to kill old people.

  39. waffles

    Have any of you ever read Lost Horizon? I have to wonder, could the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 be in a snowfield in the Himalayas and the passengers on their way to Shangri-La? The Asian men with the stolen European passports fits the profile for the type of hijackers who could pull this off. I’m convinced the survivors are endlessly singing the song of the world.

    Come to think of it, Lost did kinda rip off Lost Horizon . Whatever, I’ve finally got my own pet conspiracy theory!

    1. I saw the musical film version, does that count?

    2. Lost was a rip-off of Outward Bound.

      And that Malaysian Airlines flight is in a volcano lair right about now.

    3. Re: waffles,

      I have to wonder, could the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 be in a snowfield in the Himalayas and the passengers on their way to Shangri-La?

      Nah, don’t think so.

      No, the plane was stolen by Gru with the help of Dr. Nefario and 213 minions who have a speech impediment.

    4. Tonio

      Here’s the deal, waffles. Had the airliner changed course it would have presumably been picked up on the air defense radar of the country which it was overflying. Those are big-ass planes and hard to hide.

      So, yeah, a diversion and safe landing is possible, but it would have required a lot of collusion.

      North Korea is the only country that comes to mind for something like that.

      BTW, there was another big jet which went missing in the seventies (over Africa, IIRC). That got some follow-up press in fall of 2001 when it was pointed out that AQ could have that and be planning to use it for another attack.

      1. waffles

        So you’re saying Shangri-La is actually North Korea?

        Wow! It goes deeper than I thought.

        1. Tonio

          Perfect hiding place for it. Nobody would ever expect…

          But srsly, while it is possible that Flight 370 landed somewhere, my gut tells me it’s on the bottom of the ocean. I’d be happy to be proven wrong on this.

          1. Galt’s Gulch.

  40. The Late P Brooks

    The geniuses at Bloomberg have suddenly figured out their favorite clean technology (the Tesla) requires a lot of extremely nasty processes to make their batteries.
    What a surprise.

    1. PM

      Yeah, but it happens in China where we can’t see it, so it doesn’t exist!

    2. Restoras

      Don’t all electric cars and hybrids with batteries require this? Isn’t nickel mining and smelting far more toxic for the environment and less efficient as well?

      1. PM

        Yep

        1. Restoras

          Thanks for the link. I’ll just forward it to my libtard friends…

          1. Tonio

            But, but…INTENSHUNS!!1!

        2. a better weapon

          I may be reading it wrong, but does that comparison leave out fuel consumption? It seems its only comparing the destruction caused by its production only, and not by its use over a lifetime. In which case, a liberal will have no problem at all discarding this news.

          1. I wonder if what difference adding on fuel consumption would really make. Since the fuel consumed by electric cars includes the fossil fuels we burn to make electricity.

  41. Rich

    Identity thief picks wrong target

    He was sentenced this week to a year and a day in prison for using more than 10 other identities — including Attorney General Eric Holder’s — to file fraudulent tax returns.

    Serious question: What is appropriate punishment for identity thieves (in addition to restitution)? Being stripped of any identity? Being branded on the forehead with “IT”?

    1. invisible furry hand

      Being given an identity they didn’t want?

      “My name is Jeffrey Dahmer. Yes, D-A-H-“

      1. Rasilio

        When I lived in Louisville my GP’s name was Dr Kavorkian

    2. PM

      Restitution, punitive damages, possibly jail. The credit bureaus could, say, start a blacklist of people who are convicted identity thieves as well, although that may end up doing as much harm as good if it drives the thieves to further thievery faced with having their credit permanently destroyed.

    3. Hillary's Clitdong

      Serious question: What is appropriate punishment for identity thieves

      They should be sent to Warty’s Sex Dungeon.

      1. And the soul-shredded ….thing that remains, post-sentence, what do we do with it?

        1. Congress?

    4. Allow the victim to decide the appropriate punishment.

  42. Notorious G.K.C.

    At the University of California in Santa Barbara, a Feminist Studies professor shows her appreciation for the complexity of our times by attacking a student protester.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…..e=youtu.be

    1. Notorious G.K.C.

      The professor’s faculty Web page:

      “Areas of Study:

      “Pornography; Sex Work; Black Film, Popular Culture and Art; Feminist & Queer Theory; African American & African Diaspora Studies; Visual Archives; New Media; Ethnography; Oral History…

      “Her manuscript, A Taste for Brown Sugar: Black Women, Sex Work and Pornography (forthcoming from Duke University Press in 2014) examines African American women’s representation and labor in pornographic media….

      “In addition, she has written essays for The New York Times, Feminist Theory, Colorlines, Re-Public.com, Cut-Up.com,and $pread, a sex worker magazine. Miller-Young is also working on a documentary film on black women in the porn industry, and a visual archive project called The Black Erotic Archive.”

      http://www.femst.ucsb.edu/peop…..ller-young

      1. Dissertation: “A Taste for Brown Sugar: The History of Black Women in American Pornography.”

        This dissertation falls within my research interests and I wish to subscribe to your scholarly special interest group.

        1. The Laconic Marc F Cheney

          I wonder if she answered the age-old question of why it tastes so good.

      2. Loki

        So… she’s a dyke with a taste for dark meat?

    2. Notorious G.K.C.

      the protester seems to be a young outside agitator who was in the campus free-speech zone:

      http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014…..professor/

      1. PM

        the protester seems to be a young outside agitator who was in the campus free-speech zone

        Obviously got what he had coming to him then.

        1. Notorious G.K.C.

          her.

          1. PM

            Way to other my gender pronouns, cisbruh!

      2. It’s a public university; she as a taxpayer isn’t an outsider.

        1. Notorious G.K.C.

          I was being sarcastic

      3. Loki

        Being in the “free speech zone” is no guarantee that your speech will be respected. Especially if some shrill feminist studies professor overhears you saying something that upsets her fragile sensibilities.

    3. Rhywun

      attacking a student protester

      Please tell me the protester was protesting the fact that someone can be a “professor” of all that nonsense.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    President Obama has never loved making the NYC buckraking circuit with the Democratic Wall Street elite…….’Being in private rooms with rich people is not his favorite thing.’….

    Via opensecrets.org:
    Barack Obama (D)
    California $62,759,989
    New York $36,982,096
    Illinois $17,847,698
    Massachusetts $17,315,441
    Texas $15,240,394

    Yeah, I could probably overcome my innate reclusiveness for that kind of a payday.

  44. Auric Demonocles

    I move that we officially recognize ENB as the commenter’s editor.

    1. Certified Public Asskicker

      You have my support. ENB! ENB!

    2. Which commenter’s editor?

      1. Auric Demonocles

        In an a rare instance of me not committing a typo, going with the singular instead of plural actually was not a mistake.

      2. RBS

        Like the People’s Champ, but an editor.

        1. Certified Public Asskicker

          Elizabeth “The Rock” Nolan Brown.

          We’ll work on it.

          1. Auric Demonocles

            We’ll have the Rock and the Jacket.

    3. Second!

  45. The Late P Brooks

    I guess Chrissie Matthews has never interviewed Zeke Emanuel.

    “They don’t think the have all the answers,” my ass.

  46. db

    Now, this is how you fuck up a corruption investigation.

    The investigative efforts have been further complicated by the fact that Mr. Reid worked to get Mr. Lee’s chief counsel, David Barlow, confirmed in 2011 as the U.S. attorney in Salt Lake City. That action ? a Democratic Senate leader letting a Republican be named to a key prosecutor’s position in the Obama administration ? raised many eyebrows and angered some Democrats.

    Subsequently, the entire office of federal prosecutors in Utah was forced to recuse itself from the corruption case after questions surfaced about a conflict of interest involving one prosecutor and a subject of the probe. After the recusal, state prosecutors secured a court order transferring the federal evidence gathered up to that point to their possession.

    The process has left FBI agents in the unusual position of trying to help two local prosecutors make a case in state court without the ability to use the federal court system to determine whether accusations against two powerful members of Congress are true.

    It’s almost like they wanted to sabotage it.

    1. db, there’s no link.

      1. db

        Now, this is how you fuck up a corruption investigation.

        This is.what I get.for.enabling autocorrect to.please you folks: “brief” autosubstituted for “href”

      2. but it looks pretty.

    2. invisible furry hand

      Now, this is how you fuck up a link

      1. db

        Laugh it up, fuzzball.

  47. CampingInYourPark

    “For the average person, many folks who don’t have health insurance initially, they’re going to have to make some choices. And they might end up having to switch doctors, in part because their(sic) saving money,” said Obama in an interview with the medical website WebMD.

    http://www.weeklystandard.com/…..84941.html

    1. PM

      Like that time I had to switch houses from a 4 bed 2.5 bath to a studio because I was saving so much money…

    2. Auric Demonocles

      Hmm, I seem to remember him saying something about people having to switch doctors…

      1. Restoras

        I think he meant you could keep your doctor – if you had any money left over. Which you won’t…

        1. PM

          You don’t pronounce the asterisk.

  48. The Late P Brooks

    I move that we officially recognize ENB as the commenter’s editor.

    I’ll let her fix my typos, but she better not try to move my comments around.

    1. Auric Demonocles

      Bow before the editor enforced threaded comments!

    2. PM

      Brooks will never conform to your oppressive nesting.

      Fuck tha police!

  49. CampingInYourPark

    BEIJING (AP) — A fight between two food stall owners at a market in southern China on Friday left five people hacked to death and one person fatally shot by police, authorities said.

    Don’t bring produce to a knife fight

    http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/s…..IFE_ATTACK

    1. PM

      Nobody needs more than 5 bananas in a bunch.

      1. Auric Demonocles

        You can have a bunch with 10 peels, as long as you only put 5 bananas inside the peels at a time.

        1. PM

          +1 banana clip

  50. Notorious G.K.C.

    Some of these things are not like the others:

    “The US came under sharp criticism at the UN human rights committee in Geneva on Thursday for a long list of human rights abuses that included everything from detention without charge at Guant?namo, drone strikes and NSA surveillance, to the death penalty, rampant gun violence and endemic racial inequality….

    “On guns, [Commission member Walter] K?lin pointed to another “staggering figure” ? that there are 470,000 crimes committed with firearms each year, including about 11,000 homicides. “We appreciate the position taken by President Obama on these issues. Nevertheless, much more needs to be done to curb gun violence.”…

    “Among the other issues that came under the committee’s withering gaze were:

    ? the proliferation of stand-your-ground gun laws

    ? enduring racial disparities in the justice system, including large numbers of black prisoners serving longer sentences than whites;

    ? mistreatment of mentally-ill and juvenile prisoners;

    ? segregation in schools;

    ? high levels of homelessness and criminalization of homeless people;

    ? racial profiling by police, including the mass surveillance of Muslim communities by the New York police department.”

    http://www.theguardian.com/wor…..nsa-drones

    1. gaijin

      the committee’s withering gaze

      By all means, we should pass laws to avoid this!

    2. Rhywun

      *raises hand*

      I know the difference – some are actually cause for concern, some are none of their fucking business, and some are complete figments of their imagination.

      But by all means keep throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks.

  51. Matrix

    Tony suggests that the 100+ million people murdered by their own governments last century is fine because they saved a lot of people too.

    Fuck… you…

    1. PM

      Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how’d you like the play?

    2. Don’t drag that shit in here. Feed the trolls or no, I don’t need a rehash.

    3. Restoras

      Well of course, because it was all about Socialism! The intentions and feelings are good but the right people weren’t in charge! They’ll get it right EVENTUALLY!

    4. Loki

      He really is the most mendacious piece of shit I’ve ever encountered. It’s useful idiots like him that will make communism in this country possible.

  52. The Late P Brooks

    Dipshit “security analyst” on Bloomberg just said, “All signs point to FOUL PLAY.” Because teh terrahists could take over the plane, black out communications, fly the plane for hours, blah blah blah,

    And none of the passengers would phone it in.

    Jesus fuck. “We have no substantive evidence that this is in any way plausible or likely, but I’m here speculating wildly to stoke to furnace of panic.”

    Also, why haven’t those ignorant savages stepped aside, and allowed TEAM AMURRRICA, WORLD POLICE, to take the lead in this investigation?

    1. Notorious G.K.C.

      Because all foreign policemen are just like Inspector Clouseau. Poor, dears, without American assistance they’d just walk around bonking their heads on things.

    2. Don Mynack

      Uh, how about the old “you put your cell phone in this here bag or we kill you” kind of situation?

      1. Tonio

        ^This.

        Plus, the fact that there are no cell towers over the ocean so any coverage would be provided through a micro-cell on the plane which could have easily been shut off.

  53. SIV

    Lesbian HIV transmission:

    ‘They described their sexual contact as at times rough to the point of inducing bleeding in either woman,’ reads the report. ‘They also reported having unprotected sexual contact during the menses of either partner.’

    1. That’s just nasty! Yet, strangely erotic…

    2. Auric Demonocles

      Sort of tangentially related: is it that weird to have sex while the woman is on her period? A girl I’m seeing seemed absolutely shocked that I had done it, while I didn’t think anything of it.

      1. Rasilio

        A LOT of guys are turned off by it and it can be enough of a mess to make it not worth doing.

        Also the blood PH tends to be a little too acidic and can cause some uncomfortable burning sensations for the guy

        1. db

          Never had that problem. It can be gross but I’m not turned off by.it.

        2. Auric Demonocles

          I never ran into that, although I’ve also used a condom pretty much every time.

      2. PM

        You will never Jewish heaven

        1. PM

          Never *see* Jewish heaven. Although it almost works better with the typo…

          1. db

            This should be a.meme with a picture of that gir who.is.famous.for.her ass.

      3. I don’t think anything of it either.

      4. SIV

        Haram

      5. Certified Public Asskicker

        Day 1? No way.

        But toward the end I can do it.

      6. SugarFree

        It’s not awesome, given the (sometimes) smell and the dryness from taking out a tampon, but you take what you can get.

        Why all women who can take BCP don’t stack their dosage and eliminate their periods all together is beyond me. The “period” you get on a placebo week of BCP is not a real period anyway.

        1. Rasilio

          A lot of womenwho use the Nuva ring, my wife included do that since it doesn’t mean buying extra pills, you just don’t pull it out until the 4th week instead of pulling it out after the 3rd.

          Gynecologists do however recommend having at least 1 period every 3 months

      7. I’m not a fan, but I generally don’t like the sight of blood.

        1. Tonio

          It’s not actual blood, but the spoiled and decaying corpus luteum.

          1. SugarFree

            A distinction without a difference when it’s all over your cock.

      8. Loki

        There are few thing more mood killing, IMO, than pulling your dick out and having it all covered in blood.

        1. PM

          The Warty joke here is too easy

        2. Auric Demonocles

          Putting a condom on, especially given the timing of when that happens.

      9. prolefeed

        Sort of tangentially related: is it that weird to have sex while the woman is on her period? A girl I’m seeing seemed absolutely shocked that I had done it, while I didn’t think anything of it.

        Doesn’t seem any weirder than having buttsecks when you have other options, sanitation-wise.

        If you like it, and he or she likes it, then whatever you do together is fine.

      10. gimmeasammich

        Sex? I don’t really think so. If you are talking about red wings, then yeah, it’s weird.

    3. db

      Take your rings and.bracelets off when.fisting, ladies.

      1. That’s known as the Etiquette of Fist.

        1. PM

          icwutudidthar

        2. Tonio

          [stands and applauds]

        3. db

          Well played.

        4. *joins applause*

        5. I didn’t care for this at all.

    4. lap83

      ‘They also reported having unprotected sexual contact during the menses of either partner.’

      +1 punchline to the lesbian vampire joke

  54. Loki

    Here you go, H&R metal lovers! Enjoy some Japanese… metal???

    1. PM

      Still better than Dragonforce

      1. Loki

        I’m not sure which one is actually worse.

    2. Aloysious

      … wat?

    3. Notorious G.K.C.

      Will Japan ever reach Peak Weird?

  55. JW

    So, F1 is back and I see, or rather, hear, that they replaced the V8s with riding mower engines.

    On the plus side, they seem to have fixed that awful reliability problem.

  56. db

    If Russia annexes the Crimean Peninsula, I.think the US should surround Cuba with troopships and demand a referendum among the.Cuban people to.see.if.they want to.join the.United States.

    1. Or hold a referendum in south Florida so see if they want to join Cuba.

    2. prolefeed

      To make it an exact analogy, demand a referendum among the Cuban people to either join the United States or overthrow their government and install a new one.

      1. db

        Yes, of course.

  57. The Late P Brooks

    How many well-drilled members would your special forces style team need, with what highly specialized technical knowledge, to successfully carry out the disappearance of a large airliner full of passengers?

    We’re in fantasy land. You guys should lay off the terror porn.

    My theory is a failure of oxygen / environmental control system. Less implausible, in MY mind, than a crack team of Islamofascist Caliphate shock troops.

    1. db

      Mechanical failure leading to.crew.hypoxia is IMO the.simplest explanation. Hypoxia.can.lead.to people doing nonsensical things that seem perfectly fine.to them, such as shutting.off a transponder or dialing in the.wrong.course.

      There is.the.nagging problem of coincidence, however: how does a system fail completely enough to.ruin.crew emergency oxygen and yet allow proper flight management system/autopiloy operation for.hours l, and.how.does.it.happen at exactly the point where ATC hands the crew off to the next responsible ATC?

      Maybe the crew O2 systme was bad already and they skipped the preflight system check and then had a slow depressurization.event. who.knows?

      1. Tonio

        Mechanical failure of some sort.

        Hypoxia is also a possibility, but that requires too many fortuitous acts on the part of a crew losing consciousness. I would hope that the searchers considered this possibility and that one of the high-priority search areas is where the plane would have come down after running out of fuel.

    2. The Laconic Marc F Cheney

      Sounds like you know an awful lot about what it would take to successfully carry out the disappearance of a large airliner full of passengers. *narrows eyes suspiciously*

      1. Tonio

        It’s not rocket science, Marc. Also, it’s only lost at the moment. It hasn’t actually disappeared until after a longer period of time, say one year, where no debris have been found.

    3. Tonio

      How many well-drilled members would your special forces style team need, with what highly specialized technical knowledge, to successfully carry out the disappearance of a large airliner full of passengers?

      Not that many, actually. The most specialized person you’d need would be the pilot. Passenger-control is not that specialized.

      So, one experienced pilot to fly and land the plane. This person would probably be the one to disable the comm and security systems while the plane is on auto-pilot.

      Three thugs for passenger-control. One to frisk, and the other two to stand-by and administer beat-downs.

      The on-ground personnel is where you get into money and numbers (barring a state-supported operation). You’d need to corrupt some air traffic controllers, military radar operators, and need a facility with a runway or road upon which the plane could land. And someplace to keep it out of sight because something as big as a 777 (roughly 200 x 200 feet) can be seen from civilian satellites.

      1. Tonio

        But, as noted above, I think Flight 370 is on the ocean floor somewhere.

        The next most likely possibility, but a slim possibility, is North Korea.

  58. The Late P Brooks

    Maybe the crew O2 systme was bad already and they skipped the preflight system check and then had a slow depressurization.event. who.knows?

    This is the theory which seems most plausible to me. I assume there are alarms and backups, but who knows if they were working? A sudden catastrophic depressurization would cause them to respond, but a slow loss of pressure and oxygen might allow them to nod off.

    I had a professor in business school (a former Navy intelligence guy, I think), who told us his theory on the Korean Air plane shot down by the Russkies. He reckoned they set the autopilot and settled down for a nap in the cockpit, and picked up a wind change which pushed them into Soviet airspace. Boom.

  59. The Late P Brooks

    Three thugs for passenger-control. One to frisk, and the other two to stand-by and administer beat-downs.

    Flight 93 looms large.

    1. Tonio

      Flight 93 looms large.

      Yes, it does.

      After the events of 9/11/2001 the US required that airliner cockpit doors be reinforced. I don’t know if other countries required this, but I assume that all airlines which fly to the US have made that mod to their aircraft which might be used on US routes. That Malaysian Airlines 777 is therefore likely to have had that mod.

      Given that, a single pilot in the cockpit could have survived a passenger revolt and landed the plane. That still leaves open the questions about cell phones.

      Presumably any Flight 370 hijackers would have been better prepared to deal with a passenger revolt, such as is suspected to have occurred on Flight 93.

      Having said all that, I still think that Flight 370 is on the ocean floor somewhere. RIP, passengers and crew.

  60. prolefeed

    Palin’s Buttplug|3.14.14 @ 10:55AM|#

    I never said Obama was a libertarian – just that he is better than Bush/GOP on size of government.

    Do you know how to google, or do you just fling “fact” poo at random?

    http://www.downsizinggovernmen…..s-spending

  61. Notorious G.K.C.

    “Ted Cruz versus the ‘Hail Satan’ crew

    “…Wow, which one of those crazy Bible-thumping anti-choicers called the noble and selfless champions of a Woman’s Right to Choose “Satan worshippers?” Why, it was none other than Senator Ted Cruz. But he didn’t call anyone a “Satan worshipper.” He accurately stated that protesters during the Wendy Davis “filibuster” saga chanted “Hail Satan” to drown out pro-lifers. This is a matter of objective fact, not anyone’s opinion. There are video recordings of the incident…”

    http://www.humanevents.com/201…..atan-crew/

    1. Tonio

      Oh, OK. So what?

      1. Notorious G.K.C.

        Nothing, if you don’t rely for your news on the AP. Or National Journal.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.