Media Criticism

Raw Story Totally Busts Reason in the Great Dildo War of 2014


normalityrelief / Foter / CC BY-SA

Raw Story's David Edwards totally busted Reason on our report that Lousiana residents swarm the state's sex shops to stock up on dildos on the taxpayers' dime! He even headlines his story, "Busted: Libertarian magazine falsely claims poor families can buy sex toys with food stamps."

Ouch. That hurts.

Actually, our own Elizabeth Nolan Brown blogged TV station WAFB's report that a Gonzales, Louisiana, lingerie store accepts EBT cards. She noted, "I hate to be one of those people who makes a huge deal at any hint of benefit abuse, so let's acknowledge that we don't know how many (if any) people have used federal benefits at Kiss My Lingerie." After hearing back from the store owner, Elizabeth added that the number of people who have actually used the cards in the store is "zero so far."

Debunking…something…Edwards also reached out and chatted with a clerk at Kiss My Lingerie. "We don't accept that for adult toys," a store employee told Edwards. "No, no way."

Well, except that WAFB reports that, whatever the store policy, "there's no violation of the law with the store accepting the card for lingerie and other adult items."


Edwards says Reason didn't respond to his request for comment by publication time. When we receive it, we'll get back to him.

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  1. Someone’s gonna get taken to the woodshed…

    1. Speaking of going out to the woodshed, I commented on an LA Weekly article posted on Facebook, where the writer just couldn’t believe that LA Sheriff nominee Paul Tanaka has no qualms about concealed carry, and I sincerely regret it. So, much, I don’t.. I don’t even know. Hipster statists? Demon weed smoking failed artists? I gave up after the third reply. There were more prog assumptions about the second amendment than I could shake a stick at. I need more scotch.

      1. I need more scotch.

        Everyone needs more Scotch, regardless of posts, comments, or circumstances in general.

        1. Now that’s something we can all agree on. /BIPARTISUNSHEP

  2. They’re onto us.

    AnthonyLook ? 3 hours ago
    Libertarians are nothing but a another extension of the tea party birther racists. They are merely Ayn Rand Paul cultist that are slight more educated than the average tea party birther racists. Their Apartheid American vision is nothing more than Separatist ideology. Today’s tea party and the libertarians are nothing more than the offspring of racist Knighted Hoodie wearing parents that taught their children all their hate.
    4 ? Reply?Share ?
    jubeee AnthonyLook ? 2 hours ago
    They are usually deeply misogynist too
    5 ? Reply?Share ?
    AnthonyLook jubeee ? 2 hours ago
    Indeed; exceedingly misogynist and bigoted as well. I remember a few years back they infiltrated our local Occupy movement and being older— I manned the health desk and just observed how they were exclusive White and started to take control of the group to the point of actively excluding minority and women’s group input. Enough of us decided to loudly make note of their actions and quit and speak out against their tactics that the group was eventually totally dissolved. Maybe that was there intent all along. Very cultish organized group; what was depressing is that they were college age youth who obviously met elsewhere guided by others.
    By the way, your comments are refreshingly strong and spot on.
    2 ? Reply?Share ?

    1. Of all the pain and suffering that Warty inflicts on other people, none is worse than when he reposts comments from other sites.

    2. Hey, everyone who disagrees with me is a bad person too! Small world.

      1. You too? Wow! I mean all they would need is the cheesy moustache to be another Hitler!

    3. Projection time:

      Marla ? 4 hours ago
      I love it when Libertardians speak. For 20 seconds into a conservation with any one of them and they have already buried their intellect in self-aggrandizing bullshit.

      Marla Matthew Rose ? 3 hours ago
      Love. I find it when Libertardians open their mouths to enguge themselves in some sort of political/intellectual/social discourse on how there are so many problems in the world and how they and they alone have all the answers to be quite entertaining.

      Moe Larryandjesus ? 3 hours ago
      Radley Balko excepted, the entire staff of Unreason is as useless as a square dildo.

      Granted that last one could have come from someone here.

      1. how there are so many problems in the world and how they and they alone have all the answers to be quite entertaining.

        Could this be any more evidence of Epi’s well-developed masterpiece “Theory on the Projection of Values”?

        No, libertarians don’t think we have all the answers. Nor do we think anyone has all the answers. We know that if we leave individual alone to answer how to lead their lives the answers will sort themselves out, from the aggregate of all those people finding their answers. This is the antithesis of the prog mentality, whereby they actually think they have the answer and it involves coercing someone else to enable their utopian do-gooderism.

        1. You’re not resisting the Warm and Loving Embrace of the Collective, are you? ARE YOU?

          1. My favorite trick when talking to SWPL progs is to use the world organic. The results that emerge from the raw unfettered self interest of individual human beings is organic.

            I also like to examine the latin prefix eco and liken the free market economy to Mother Gaia’s ecology. If they’re gonna be so invested in the idea that something is pure and holy because it is simply natural*, then show them how natural free market economics is.

            *these people are actually frauds. If they could, they’d legislate that all carnivores had to become herbivores.

            1. Yes, I like to use the word “sustainable” when talking about taxes, Social Security, Medicaire. and all the other things progs love.

              You might enjoy this book: Bionomics: Economy As Ecosystem by Michael Rothschild

              1. I like to beat them over the head with a telephone book and say “How’s that for sustainability?”

        2. Liberty, responsibility, accountability, those are the meta answers to just about all the problems of the world. Libertarians trust that people can figure out their own answers to their own problems.

          1. “But, but, but that would mean that racists and other wrong thinking people would get to do what they want to do AND THAT WOULDN’T BE FAIR!!”


    4. That flying_squid dude in the rawstory comments section is pretty special.

      1. I like how the mod warns Ghost of Bastiat but says nothing to Flying squid:

        enbrown Sebastien Fauste ? 33 minutes ago

        Thank you. Apparently it’s just more fun for Raw Story to smear libertarians than UPI or the local TV station that originally reported on this.

        Share ?

        Flying Squid enbrown ? 32 minutes ago

        Oh poor baby. You rugged individualists are so sensitive!
        Share ?
        Ghost_of_Bastiat Flying Squid ? 27 minutes ago

        Not really, we mostly mock people like you. So much crazy and irrationality collated into one dark corner of the web.
        Share ?
        The Dreadful Flying Glove Mod Ghost_of_Bastiat ? 23 minutes ago

        Please read this before you post again:

        1. Why are they warning him/her to read a story about Theresa Heinz being rushed to the hospital?

          I know, “Do you think you have it bad? SHE HAS BREAST CANCER!”

          1. Hmm… the link got cut off. It was originall a link to Raw Story’s terms and services. Sorry, I didn’t notice that when I posted.

            1. I like my theory better.

            2. Do you know what this means!?

              The squirrels…work for them.

    5. I read that with my jaw dropped. Is that dialog out of a monty python skit? It is, isn’t it?

      1. Makes me glad that Monty Python was broadcast 40 years ago. If it had been done today I can see a significant number of their skits spawning derptastic poitical movements to “save the krill” and other such looniness.

    6. I think the only possible appropriate response to this refreshingly strong commentary is to join in and vehemently concur.

      And, while concurring, add possible hatreds they haven’t even thought of yet.

      For instance – just thinking out loud – that libertarians may be *ostensibly* pro-gay? But that the *kind* of pro-gay they are is not like the *good* kind? Libertarians endorse *Tom of Finland*-type Gay, not like the good and acceptable Ellen Degeneris type gay.

      Also, libertarians are KNOWN cat-haters. And they LOVE GMOs. And they think bees should be exterminated.

      Come on, work with me here.

      1. Well, I for one DO hate cats. They’re vicious, filthy, allergenic vermin.

        That being said, I had a bit of a dust-up with some vegan leftard who was all proud of the fact that he was starving his cats by depriving them of meat. Of course, the way HE put it was “my cat’s vegan, and she’s so happy!”


        1. “We taught a lion to eat tofu!”

          1. “… by infusing it with bacon and frying it in lard”

        2. Cats are carnivores – pure and simple. Your vegan friend by all rights should be charged with animal cruelty.

          1. Yup. Cat’s are one of the few obligate carnivores, too; that means that unlike bears and (to a lesser degree) dogs, the vast majority of their diet has to be meat-based, as they can’t digest plant proteins well if at all.

        3. Denying meat to a cat (or dog) is immurement.

      2. As I’ve mentioned before, I hate grilled cheese sandwiches, as all libertarians should.

        1. I’ve never heard this.
          You’re wrong. So Wrong.
          What about monte cristos?

          1. I love smearing jam all over a deep fried ham n’ cheese on French toast dipped in confectioner’s sugar.

            1. my heart stopped reading that.
              I want one now.

        2. They’re good with tomato soup because it looks like blood.

          1. I *like*!

            We should say,

            “libertarians hate grilled cheese, probably because poor people eat it, and it doesn’t have any animal in it….but they have a strange love for tomato soup, which gives them a kick because its like drinking blood”

        3. ” I hate grilled cheese sandwiches”

          This is worse than Roger Moore.

          1. I had a grilled cheese for lunch today.

            Of course, I asked that bacon be added, and I had a cup of chili. When you’ve got just a bit of sammich left, you use it to wipe up the last of the chili.

            Kevin R

    7. “AnthonyLook ? 3 hours ago
      Libertarians are nothing but a another extension of the tea party birther racists. ”

      don’t forget Deniers. How the hell can you forget deniers ?

    8. We’re racist, misogynist and bigoted. Probably also sexist, xenophobic, genderbiased, double racist, etc.

    9. . . . I remember a few years back they infiltrated our local Occupy movement and being older . . .

      Why . . . why would *libertarians* be part of an Occupy ‘movement’?

      1. There were some people in Ron Paul t-shirts at first.

  3. It’s going to be a bit awkward at the next few cocktail parties.

  4. “Libertarian site relies on MSM, gets burned”

  5. Elizabeth Nolan Brown actually went into that swamp of a comments section to defend her work:

    enbrown Flying Squid ? 29 minutes ago
    The correction is based on my interview with the store owner, who said it was possible to do so only no one yet had.

    Flying Squid enbrown ? 26 minutes ago

    For fuck’s sake, do some RESEARCH.

    Flying Squid enbrown ? 25 minutes ago
    Your FIRST paragraph said, and I quote:

    Well, this is mildly outrageous: In Louisiana, it’s totally cool to buy lingerie and other sexy-time stuff with Electronic Benefits Transfer (EBT) cards. Looks like it’s edible underwear and jelly-bean flavored lube for dinner again tonight, kids!
    You lied in your article and you’re lying here too.

    enbrown Flying Squid ? 22 minutes ago
    Yes, *with EBT cards,* which are used with myriad benefits, not just SNAP. As I noted immediately under that: “Actually, though they’re most associated with food stamps, EBT cards serve as a repository for a host of state and federal assistance mechanisms, including cash benefits from the federal government which can be used relatively open-endedly.”

    Flying Squid enbrown ? 21 minutes ago
    And you’re still lying. You cannot buy sex toys with EBT cards. That is a fact. Your hatred of poor people doesn’t give you license to lie about them.

    Always so quick to attack the motives.

    1. She deserves a combat bonus or something. Maybe a night of strip clubbing and hard drinking with Kennedy, to make the bad memories go away.

        1. Crowd-source it!

          1. Come to Philadelphia, we’ll hit up The Republican (since libertarians are just secret republicans).

    2. You cannot talk to a fanatic. Trying only results in loss of brain cells.

  6. I love how Flying Squid cannot defend his assertions with any source. His only “evidence” is faux news = bad. QED

    Sadly, this is the Ivy Leagues when it comes to progressive intellect.

    1. I am regular astonished at how often leftists use worthless ad hominem fallacies, even after I point out that’s what they are doing. “That was in the WSJ/on Fox News, therefore, it must be a lie” is a common form of argument on Facebook.

      1. My favorite lefty/prog impeaching the source is “you read that on the Drudge Report”. The NYTs, AP, NBC, Reuters, Bloomberg,Slate, Politico etc all become “Right Wing Lies” if they’re linked by Drudge.

        1. My last encounter with this was a guy dismissing a piece in the WSJ that was a report on Congressional testimony by the IRS inspector general.

          This is how people maintain their ideological bubbles. “Hey, I never read about it in a publication slanted to my beliefs, so it never happened!”

  7. I still haven’t been told whether sex toys/aids constitute “adult entertainment” under law, which is the only thing that seems to matter in this particularly dumb pissing match with a particularly dumb lefty site.

    Even if they can, why would anyone be more upset about EBTs being “abused” to buy dildos than they are SS checks that’re used to buy viagra? The money’s been extorted already, so why would I be angry that it’s being spent on vibrators for poor women rather than another ridiculous pension for a federal employee or a kinetic military action or all of the other federal expenditures that aren’t just wasteful, but harmful? If the state wants to give every woman in the world five dildos apiece, I’m good with that–I just don’t know how they’re going to pay for it without counterfeiting or stealing, which is where we should be focusing our attention.

    1. Dildos are only “adult entertainment” if bought from a strip club.

      I fail to see anything factually wrong with the original news story or RNB’s rehash of it.

      1. Then that’s it. EBT funds can be used to buy dildos from any store that accepts them as payment for such, and Brown, Reason, and the original story are correct. No doubt Raw Story will be quick with its retraction.

        1. That’s the most frustrating thing about the Raw Story comments. Even once it’s been pointed out that there was nothing factually wrong with the original report or my re-blogging of it, they’re like ‘Yeah, but … YOU’RE LIBERTARIANS. DIE.’

          1. I thought you did a fine job. You can only do so much with people that are utterly convinced of their own righteousness and the wickedness of their opponents.

            No amount of discursive reasoning can get through to people like the Squid guy who accused me of being Hitler for asking that he provide evidence to impeach the Fox affiliate’s story about TANF benefits being cash redeemable, which cited a government official as a source.

            1. Oh, yeah, that Fox news bit was the best. (/WORST, obviously)

              1. It’d be completely alright with the proggies to charge “massagers” to Medicaid or Medicare, I’d expect.

                Kevin R

          2. They couldn’t accurately describe libertarian philosophy but they were nonetheless convinced it’s bad.

            Still, the comments are better there than at Politico… low bar and all that.

            1. Nothing is worse than the comments on many local news sites. Oddly, is far worse than, which I would never have guessed.

          3. Why would you want to try with these people, Elizabeth? All they know is how to hate, who to hate, and most certainly that they hate you.

            1. Compared to the comments section here, which is practically a free love fest.

    2. “I still haven’t been told whether sex toys/aids constitute “adult entertainment” under law…”

      I believe sex aids are sometimes ‘prescribed’ Docs of various kinds for sex therapy purposes. So, not only can one use an EBT card to buy a dildo, but it could very well be a legitimate use instead of abuse.

      Also, given the explosive, irrational nature of some people using EBT’s I would rather they stayed at home with an EBT purchased dildo diddling away. It would make them calmer.

      Yeah, I know. Racist.

    3. Even if they can, why would anyone be more upset about EBTs being “abused” to buy dildos than they are SS checks that’re used to buy viagra?

      Because SS benefits are “earned,” while EBTs are welfare that’s supposed to prevent working-age people from starving.

      1. You better add those scare quotes!

  8. So, who is Ghost of Bastiat?

  9. Which one of you is Ghost of Bastiat? I like how the mod warned him with the terms of service. He’s probably the most civil commenter on that whole thread.

    1. Dissent will not be tolerated by these enlightened and open-minded people.

    2. Have you considered the possibility that it actually is Bastiat’s ghost?

      1. Mind blown.

        1. He types on a ouiji board

          1. D-O-N-T B-O-T-H-E-R M-E I-M T-R-Y-I-N-G T-O B-E D-E-A-D

            1. I lol’d

    3. **raises hand** I know I probably shouldn’t, but these people take offense and umbrage at everything.

      What I love about it is that I don’t even have to actually troll, just use logic and reason to get them all riled up.

      1. Ha! I suspected it was you, since I saw you trolling Huffpo the other day. You got that squid guy really angry!

        1. And by trolling I mean making rational arguments and using facts.

        2. since I saw you trolling Huffpo the other day

          Que? I rarely comment on HuffPo because I find their system infuriatingly slow and difficult to follow.

          What handle did you see?

          And yeah, people like that are, as I said, so easy to mock. Again, no need to use insults, just argue in good faith and cite inconvenient evidence and they fly off the handle.

          1. It was on something about Rand Paul. You were using your real name. It probably seems weird that I remember, but I have an unusually good memory for names and stuff.
            I also find their comment system really difficult to understand. I rarely look at it unless I’m in the mood for some choice dumbassery.

            1. Ah, yeah I think I remember. Something about rebuking idiots that think Rand is a fake doctor despite being an accredited eye surgeon.

              I wasn’t aware they were using my real name instead of the ‘Mises_Was_Right’ handle.

        3. That squid guy should come to Taiwan. We’d throw him right in the deep-fryer at the night market.

      2. *Pats Serious Man on the back*

    4. I flagged a few of the posts where another commenter told me and him to go f**k ourselves. No response from the moderator…

      1. (Not that I’m normally a flagging rude comments type, but since Bastiat’s Ghost was seemingly getting moderated for no apparent reason)

      2. Elizabeth, please. No one here has delicate sensibilities.

        1. FUCK YEAH!

          Sorry – just got done watching “Team America” again…

        2. No one here has delicate sensibilities.

          Well, except that Ken Schultz guy.

          1. What, that cunt?

            1. TIW… oh, wait. I see what you did…

      3. Ah, I see he marshaled his full intellect into that riposte. Impressive.

      4. A Reason writer flagging a comment over a ‘fuck you’? Grow thicker skin, dear. And why in the world are you censoring your ‘fuck’ here?

  10. I think Elizabeth is now my favorite Reason writer. Only here 3 weeks and has already stirred up a lot of shit. Well done!

    Oh, and has embraced alt-text.

    1. Is there a picture of her somewhere? I’m, uh, asking for a friend

      1. I will make her my wife. Anyone have a good website where I can order one of them fancy Kyrgystan wife-stealing blankets?

        1. I love how ENB responds to every comment addressed towards her both here and at rawstory. Except mine about wifing her up.

          Ya, you can play all coy ENB. But my male gaze will so get you… it always does.

        2. “I will make her my wife.”

          Christ, you can gauge the age of an internet poster by this. Wifing is the first thing youngish avid schmucks want to do to anything they deem magnetizing- cars, ladies, music tracks, beer, apps…

        1. Is this her?

            1. Tip for the newbie, never admit that.

              1. Well it was a photo of Donald Trump, so I think it’s okay.

                1. This is you, with your non-caring about the poor:


                  1. PS – that is a joke on my part

        2. One of those pictures

          makes you look like you’re being held in Warty’s ‘maximum fun room’.

          Elizabeth – are you being held against your will at REASON? Blink twice for yes.

    2. Better than Lucy was? 😉

      1. A better speller


        1. First rule of Reason Club!

  11. Raw Story tortures common sense and intelligence daily with their strictly one-sided approach to leftist graffiti. Every single thing that moves and breathes on their right is driven by hatred or evil while every single thing on their left is without blemish- the middle doesn’t exist unless the topic is police abuse. Self-awareness to the average Raw Story writer and reader is something you do to elves and fairies.

  12. Why don’t we challenge Raw Story to a fight?

    1. Unsportmanlike. We’re all armed.

      1. Wouldn’t that be very sportsman-like of us actually?

        1. It’s technically hunting over bait.

      2. Some of us actually have biceps too.

    2. Nobody ever invades here. Unless you want to count the tag-team Tulpa-twins or the crazy lady from Texas.

      1. Crazy lady from Texas? Is she single?

  13. “Good morning, ma’am, I’m Emily Elkins from Reason magazine. I wonder if you have any comment about the Washington Post article which says you take EBT payments at your brothel?”

    “I’m glad you checked with me. The story isn’t fully accurate.”

    “How so?”

    “Well, for one thing, I run a craft store, not a brothel, and I don’t take EBT.”

    “Gosh, thanks for the clarification! And to think I was going to automatically trust the mainstream media!”

  14. Raw Story error is corrected by Alex Jones…..-our-flub/

    1. A little respect…after all RawStory is Celebrating 10 years of Independent Journalism! Ten years DAMMIT!

    2. So they are now Rawng story?

  15. “Due to an internal error, Raw Story published this piece after Obama’s third State of the Union in 2012. This poll was actually conducted about the 2011 State of the Union. We apologize for the error.”…

  16. I use my EBT card to subscribe to Reason!


    1. The liquor store clerk said I couldn’t use my EBT to buy vodka.

      So I used my EBT to buy potato chips, and then I used my potato chip money to get vodka.

      1. I tried explaining the fungibility of money concept to a hipster prog at a bar about a month ago. Here in downtown L.A., we have a pretty big homeless population. He was talking about how he wouldn’t give these guys money because he knew it would go straight into their arm. But he’d give them food. He didn’t seem to understand that giving food is just as enabling because it means that every dime earned panhandling can be used on drugs/booze since food is already covered. It amazes me how difficult a concept this is for some people. how is it not innately understood?

        1. No, I think the hipster has a point. Maybe only a symbolic one, but a point. Feeding someone and thus freeing up money they will spend on drugs is not the same as giving them money for drugs. By your logic, giving them drugs directly would also be equivalent, but clearly there’s a difference between giving someone food and giving them drugs.

          1. I agree with Papaya.

            1. I think you should give me food and drugs.

        2. This is why Bitcoin should be regulated. People can use it to by stuff.

          1. buy. stuff. damned alcohol poisoning…

            1. Only if you’re lucky enough to afford enough alcohol.

  17. Reason has long been sex toy focused.

    1. Said the buttplug.

    2. Says the guy named……oh never mind.

      1. Yeah, talk about projection!

    3. Thus saith the resident progtologist.


      Just when you imagined you couldn’t set the bar lower for him….

    5. you type that, as if it’s a bad thing.

  18. That comment thread over there was enjoyable. In a different time and place, those apes would have been hooting in delight as they threw Elizabeth’s books onto a bonfire.

    1. With Elizabeth tied to a stake in the middle of the bonfire?

      FACT: All libertarians weigh the same as a duck. And therefore…

      1. . . . its just a model?

  19. OT: Dear Prudence: Help! My Husband is in Love with Our 16 Year Old Foreign Exchange Student

    My husband and I brought a 16-year-old exchange student into our home. My husband is a teacher at the high school she is attending, so by necessity they spend a lot of time together. Over the past several months, I’ve noticed that their relationship has become very close. My husband is extremely emotionally involved in everything she does, they spend their free time together, and they text each other constantly. I don’t believe that they are having a physical relationship, but I don’t know what to do about their emotional intimacy. I confronted my husband about it, and he was angry that I would suggest that he was doing anything inappropriate with a teenager. He stated adamantly that he has come to love her as a daughter, but that his love for her is not a threat to me.

    I snooped through his phone to see what they are texting about. They are constantly telling each other that they love each other and miss each other. The thing is, he will tell her that he loves her right in front of me….I am starting to wonder if this situation is damaging to her, and if I need to remove her from our house to protect her from further involvement. Or am I just being the stereotypical “evil stepmom”?

    Coming soon to Lifetime.

    1. Not TLC?

      1. I don’t think you can make a reality TV show based on illegal activity between an adult and a 16 year old.

        But if she’s into it it might be because she’s from Germany

    2. Where does one get an exchange student?

      1. Various and sundry cultural exchange non-profits.

        But take this pro-tip: stick to the orphans. While the exchange students can perform slightly more intellectually rigorous tasks such as mapping the likely deposits of the motherlodes within your mines, they are constantly bitching and require a greater amount of food than your average domestic orphan. Also, domestic orphans don’t have a cultural exchange non-profit that they constantly threaten to narc on you to.

      2. Wal-Mart?

      3. Especially a saucy something-teen year old…

    3. Is the student hot?

      1. Somebody thinks so.

      2. That’s always been the biggest drawback about Dear Prudence, no pictures when someone writes in to complain about their nubile coworker dressing too sexy or that their daughter is having an affair with the older man next door.

        My favorite that I wish had pictures was a woman who was complaining that her son’s girlfriend has enormous breasts that she would flaunt in revealing tops and she wasn’t sure if she should admonish her about it.

        1. TIWTANSMAC

          (this is why there are no straight male advice columnists)

    4. That is a story born for the Estrogen channel.

      Shit, I just proved the raw story commenter correct about H&R being awash in misogynists.

    5. Ok, who’s taking bets that the dude will dump his wife and marry the girl in two years?


      1. If he’s married to a woman who writes sincere letters to, godspeed to him.

      2. Over/under on two! Do we have any takers?!

    6. Let me guess, this is a really old Dear Prudence and it is signed Mia Farrow?

      1. You’d think she’d just call her sister, why bother writing a letter for everyone to see?

    7. WTF?

      1. No, the situation isn’t especially damaging to her.

      2. Yes, you need to get her the fuck out of the house.

      3. The you need to smack your husband upside the head with a frying pan for doing that shit. Its obviously not ‘oh she’s just like a daughter to me’.

      4. And then you need to sit yourself down and take a long hard look at yourself and try to figure out what’s going on in that relationship that the man is on the verge of running off with a 16 year old.

    8. I mentioned to my Libertarian Wife the idea of getting a hot 16 year old exchange student to live with us.

      With luck, I’ll be out of intensive care by tomorrow, and the skull fracture won’t affect my quality of life long term.

  20. When the real Great Dildo War comes due to scarcity, this headline will have been in poor taste.

    1. That’s why they labeled it the Great Dildo War of 2014. The massive dildo-making factory crash and resulting scarcity is at least five years away. The war it will start probably close to a decade off. So this will be remembered as the Great Dildo War of 2014, not to be confused with the Great Dildo War of 2022.

      Alternative uses include: the first/second Great Dildo War (see: Iraq) or The Great Dildo War I/II (see: World Wars).

      1. I still think the War of Jenkins’ Ear is the coolest.

        Well, except that a key British claim was the right to traffic in African slaves. Other than that, pretty cool.‘_Ear

      2. Just for the historical record, then, the biggest dildo in the Great Dildo War of 2014 wasn’t to be found at the lingerie store in question.

        The biggest dildo in the Great Dildo War of 2014 was found to be working for the The Raw Story.

      3. Oh, and the Great Dildo War of 2014 is fine and everything, but I still miss the days of Monkey Fishing.…..ng_scandal

      4. Sudden,

        you are aware that this conflict is avoidable insofar as the belligerents recognize the legitimate dynastic claims won by the War of the Buttplug Succession in 2007?

      5. Operation Dildo Freedom is what the military’s spin-doctors prefer.


      1. Hey man, my whole family was wiped out in the KY camps! **breaks down sobbing***

      2. I survived by hoarding my large collection, so those damn wreckers couldn’t socialize them!

  21. “Edwards says Reason didn’t respond to his request for comment by publication time. When we receive it, we’ll get back to him.”

    Don’t get hung up on the details.

    The important thing is that people learn to hate libertarians.

    You think they’re gonna let honesty and integrity get in the way?

    I’d suggest you look to see if this was an ethics breech (by claiming he requested comment when he didn’t), but since The Raw Story describes themselves as progressive, I wouldn’t bother looking for anything like integrity from them.

    Progressive ethics are all about subordinating individual rights for what they see as the greater good–it shouldn’t surprise anyone to find that they care even less about personal responsibility for their own lies than they care about other people’s rights.

  22. A year or two, there was a minor local/state scandal on EBT cards being used in strip clubs. I’m sure it’s showed up in more or less every state.

  23. This is really begging for a followup.

    “I bought this dildo with an EBT card *receipt attached*, and I’m sending it to you so you can go fuck yourself.”

  24. BLOG FAIL!

    Punishment is 24/7 lashes with the Welfare Dildo

    1. Make sure the accused will experience it as punishment

      1. Aww?

        And I got my furry costume ready and everything.

        1. “And I got my furry costume ready and everything.”

          But does the pocket square match?!

  25. So, to cut to the chase, Raw Story busted a strawman and then, shreek-like, swears it’s real? And hopes the lie is loud enough to stand?

    1. EXCELLENT summation, Sevo. Spot on.

    2. You forgot to call them a bunch of dildos.

    3. Ultimately, this should be good for Reason.

      The Raw Story has probably driven a lot of traffic to the site, and then when people see that the Raw Story is full of crap, it should help to delegitimatize them in minds of their marginal readers.

      Memo to The Raw Story readers:

      Don’t bother quoting The Raw Story on anything–just open your mouth and insert your foot.



      P.S. Celebrating 10 years of making our readers look all ass for quoting us!

    4. FTR, here are the only/official restrictions on using federal cash assistance benefits in La, from the state’s department of children & family services website:

      “Recipients of Family Independence Temporary Assistance Program (FITAP) are prohibited from using their FITAP benefits in any Electronic Benefit Transfer (EBT) transaction in any liquor store, gambling casino or gaming establishment, in a retail establishment that provides adult oriented entertainment in which performers disrobe or perform in an unclothed state for entertainment purposes, or at an ATM of any of these establishments. In addition, FITAP recipients are prohibited from using their EBT card for the purchase of an alcoholic beverage, a tobacco product, or a lottery ticket at any retailer.”…..58&pid=139

      1. The correct response is to mercilessly fact-check every article from the booger-eating moron who posted that dreck. I see his name is David Edwards.

        I strongly suspect this is not the first time he’s lied in print. The tell is his refusal to name the employee he spoke with.

          1. Behold my email to David Edwards:

            Subject: Dear incompentent liar

            I get the strong impression that your recent article is not the first time you’ve lied in print. Pray tell, what was the name of the sex shop employee you spoke with? It sure is interesting how you left that out of the article.

            As a read through your archive, I see you lied again in the Paul Ryan article. Charles Murray is not and has never been a white nationalist. He served in the Peace Corps in Thailand and married a Thai woman. Does that sound like a white nationalist to you, shithead? It took me about 10 seconds to find this information, which gives me a good idea about how thoroughly you research your articles.

            Please continue writing. You are doing a great service for the libertarian cause.

            1. Watch out there, Derp. You might be called ‘uncivil’ or some such.
              I’ve been told you should really be nice to slimy lying turds. Right Mandalay road guy?

  26. UC Davis considering starting a new degree program–in coffee

    The University of California, Davis, recently founded a Coffee Center dedicated to the study of the world of java. This week, the center held its first research conference.

    “There aren’t a lot of things that so many people consume several times a day, every day,” says J. Bruce German, who directs of the Foods for Health Institute at Davis. But given how much coffee people all over the world chug, there’s a surprising lack of academic research on the topic, German says.

    There’s a lot we still don’t fully understand about coffee, German says. What’s the best way to treat the beans while they’re still green? What’s the most environmentally friendly way to roast them? And why are we so obsessed with how it smells?

    The idea grew out of a seminar called “Design of Coffee,” developed by two professors in the chemical engineering department.

    “It’s basically a non-mathematical introduction to chemical engineering,” says Bill Ristenpart, one of the course developers. The idea was to illustrate some of the basic principles of chemical engineering though the process of making the perfect cup of joe.

    $80,000 to figure out a trade you could conceivably learn on your own.

    1. In their defense, there’s probably a lot Davis is already doing in vino that transfers.

      They probably wouldn’t need to add too many classes to make it a major.

      That being said, when I was living down in the Yucatan, I met an American lawyer bought some land in Costa Rica and started himself a coffee plantation.

      I don’t think he knew anything about it before, and he’s successful enough now that he doesn’t do anything else anymore–he just grows coffee.

    2. I’m guessing that Starbucks has an in-house manager training program that will teach their staff what they need to know at a cost of $400/head.


      1. Is that why all Starbucks burn their beans?

    3. I’ll just get the online degree.

    4. It’s basically a non-mathematical introduction to chemical engineering. . .

      So, basically fucking useless to anyone who doesn’t have $80k lying around to blow on their coffee fetish.

  27. I admit I have never been to Raw Story before. I just went and had a look.

    That is just….uh….I need another Vodka.

    1. The fright doesn’t end there.

      We ALL KNOW someone – or more – like that.

    2. Texas man shoots and kills boy his daughter snuck into her room in the middle of the night

      Note that the video shows that all parties involved were black. But Raw Story uses a stock photo of a white cowboy pointing a gun at the camera, ’cause Texas.

      Also the scant details are this:

      When the father asked about the boy, the girl reportedly claimed she did not know him. The man called 911, and then he got into an argument with the boy.

      The father said that he opened fire when the boy suddenly moved his hands.

      The 17-year-old boy died at the scene.

      According to The Houston Chronicle, the father complained that he was having panic attacks, and was taken to a nearby hospital. Deputies said that the man appeared to be on medication.

      So you find a strange boy in your daughter’s bedroom, it’s late at night/early in the morning, and she swears he’s an intruder? The whole situation is fucked up but with only that information I can’t really fault the guy.

      1. “The man called 911, and then he got into an argument with the boy.”

        News reports sometimes get a story wrong (duh!), but if true, it would tell in the shooter’s favor. You call 911 on someone your daughter says is an intruder, and instead of getting out of the house the person stays there to argue with you?

        1. Definite Darwin Award nominee.

          Armed father catches you in his daughter’s bedroom in the middle of the night and you – look for something to argue with him about? Did he think he was bulletproof?

      2. dude’s been dumped.

      3. There’s another story about a “white supremacist cop” who is very much Asian.His “white supremacist social views” as expressed on fb are about typical of most cops of all races.

      4. Worst Girlfriend Ever.


    HuffPo ran this article on How to Clean your Dildo yesterday. Some woman said she ran hers through the family dishwasher.

    1. AvP brings the Can-Con

      1. I don’t want the CRTC to take away my internet privileges.

  29. A man has been found by the side of a road.
    with his penis cut off.

    1. “A 22-year-old man was arrested on suspicion of assault and later bailed.”

      Better catch him, then!

      Oh, this is a British newspaper, I suppose it means he paid bail.

    2. Drainville is one of those clowns who along with Lisee claimed the Charter is in line with Thomas Jefferson’s ‘vision of a secular state.’

      I don’t know if they’re mental or ignorant. Or both.

  30. Social liberal defends the Texas pro-abortion protesters who chanted “Hail Satan” during the dispute over banning late term abortions (Sen. Ted Cruz had criticized the protesters):

    “”Lucien Greaves, communications director of the Satanic Temple, says Cruz’s comments oversimplify the issue by trying to inject religion into the abortion debate. Although pro-abortion-rights protesters did indeed chant “Hail Satan” at a rally outside the Texas Capitol, it was to combat antiabortion protesters who were singing “Amazing Grace.”

    “”The message conveyed by the Hail Satan faction was, I feel, both salient and clear: Religious rationales used to justify certain views to some hold no currency whatsoever to scores of others,” Greaves told National Journal. “Chanting ‘Hail Satan’ was an effective way of saying, ‘You are going to have to argue your point on rational grounds. We do not subscribe to your religion.'””…..d-20140313

    (Is the author aware of the salience of “Amazing Grace?” It’s not only a hymn, it’s a movie about William Wilberforce, the evangelical Protestant statesman who helped make slavery illegal. How dare Wilberforce impose his religion on others?)

    1. William Wilberforce? Religious guy, changes the culture, abolition without hundreds of thousands dying? Nope, never heard of him.

      1. No violence = not a ‘Great Man’.

    2. Something tells me if you did argue from a rational basis, they’d still say you’re basing it all in religion and rhen shout you down.

    1. That’s what the goats want you to believe…

    2. I read that goat was the number one meat eaten by human kind.

      I am pretty sure we are at war with the goats.

      but we are spreading propaganda to hide that fact.

      1. Also related:

        When the fuck am i going to be able to buy goat buddig sandwich meats?!?!

        They have pastrami meat and i am pretty sure that is not even an animal.

  31. Votes for sale? Hey, we got some offers over heah!

    “Obama orders review of US deportation practices”

    The guy who has deported more than anyone now wants to know why! Tells left(y) hand to ask right and get back to him! Lying fucking asshole……..itics.html

  32. Patton Oswalt’s favourite band

    The group’s music is characterized by aggressive, yet danceable bass-driven backbeats overlaid by humorous, hopeful, and often witty lyrics- with a bent towards the literary- that critique, observe, and lampoon capitalism, American politics, patriarchal exploitation, police brutality, romance, working at fast food places, and being at cocaine parties with rich people, among other things.

  33. OK, I’m still not clear. Can I buy a fleshlight with my EBT or not?

    1. It’s not prohibited, therefore it’s permitted. But I might have that backwards.

      1. That’s the thing. It IS prohibited. EBT benefits can ONLY be used for buying unprepared food. Which is why the original article here was a lie

        1. You’re thinking SNAP. EBT cards can be used for many things- even lottery tickets:


          An EBT card is just a debit card linked to a government account.

  34. Sam Siddy SoMo is not going to like that.

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