It Will Soon Be Legal to 'Willfully Annoy' People in Grand Rapids


Are you an obnoxious jerk who enjoys deliberately pissing people off? Well, good news: You are now legal in Grand Rapids, Michigan. The city has officially moved to decriminalize annoyingness.

Under current city code, "no person shall willfully annoy another person" in Grand Rapids without facing consequences. The Grand Rapids City Commission is now seeking to repeal the 38-year-old code because what constitutes "willfully annoying" is "subject to a variety of interpretations." City Attorney Catherine Mish told The Grand Rapids Press the section was unconstitutionally vague and "simply unenforceable." 

It seems 2014 is shaping up to be a good year all around for freedom of annoyingness. In January, the British House of Lords voted against a clause imposing sanctions on anyone in England and Wales engaging in "conduct capable of causing nuisance or annoyance to any person." And last month the Indiana Court of Appeals ruled that simply being drunk and annoying wasn't a crime. 

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  1. Are you an obnoxious jerk who enjoys deliberately pissing people off?

    That’s a lot of words there. Could’ve just said libertarian and it would’ve been far more concise.

    1. Untrue. I am not a Libertarian, but I like to annoy people.

    2. I believe she’s referring to H&R fratboy commenters, unwelcome to sail the seven seas.

    3. Or Democrat. It applies equally.

  2. As a resident of Grand Rapids, everyone annoys me. Now, however, I won’t be able to do anything – legally that is – about it. Damn Philistines.

    1. I would assume that you could just send your whole band of bechapped, depantsed motorcyclists out to willfully annoy people once the weather warms up.

    2. As someone who just moved to the greater Grand Rapids area, I can honestly say that this repeal happened in the nick of time.

      Now I can stop looking over my shoulder every time I open my mouth.

  3. I’m not touching you.

    I’m not touching you.

    I’m still not touching you.

    I’m not touching you.

    I’m not touching you.

    Nope. I’m not touching you.

    I’m this close to touching you.

    But, I’m not touching you.

    1. “I know a song that’s guaranteed to drive you nuts ?.”

      1. “Hey, wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?”

        1. Human vocal cords can’t produce the most annoying sound in the world. They can’t even produce the top ten.

          If you ask an audio engineer what the top ten most annoying sounds are, you’ll regret it.

          1. The sound of Dianne Feinstein’s voice is in my top ten.

          2. Interesting, I didn’t know that. I assumed Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music was the worst.

  4. Joe stunts can proceed.

  5. Mary should be shot with a tranquilizer dart and returned to her native habitiat.

    1. But I don’t want to pay for her to go back to the psych ward.

  6. Next time I’m in Grand Rapids, I shall annoy someone. “Michigan sports team of your choosing sucks!”. That should do it.

  7. Does Tulpa live in Grand Rapids? Sic the cops on him! He should agree, it’s the law, and he’s a Law & Order “Libertarian”, after all!


    1. Wouldn’t jailing him and all his sockpuppets lead to severe overcrowding at the jail?

      Think of the poor other inmates who would have to listen to him stage nightly rambling arguments between all his different puppets.

  8. The Grand Rapids City Commission is now seeking to repeal the 38-year-old code because what constitutes “willfully annoying” is “subject to a variety of interpretations.”

    Now, *that* is annoying.

    Because Democratcare is “subject to a variety of interpretations”, yet *it* is not being repealed.

  9. Because if it was a specific ban it’d be A-OK with the First Amendment?

  10. Another sanctuary opens up for H&R commentariat.

    1. Seriously, why can’t we get some place with more agreeable weather, like South Beach or Hawaii?

      1. The problem with places with good weather is that people will put up with crappier government before they leave it.

        1. Goddamn you for making sense!

        2. Then explain New York.

          1. There can only be one type of problem?

      2. What?! 80+ consecutive days with 4″ of snow on the ground isn’t agreeable?!

  11. Simple people make simple laws. And when they do, they are proud. They have “done something.” And voters say hurrah!

  12. It seems alt-text is legalized now as well.

    1. And we can still be annoying when we don’t see it.

      1. Don’t you worry about that part.

  13. What about people who bring underrepresented viewpoints to H&R?

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