More signs we're living in a Philip K. Dick novel: Jose Canseco pulled over for having diapered goats in his car.

This story is mostly for Matt Welch, who likes baseball, goats, and diapers (in that order, according to his Wikipedia page).

Former baseball slugger, Madonna boy toy, and steroid enthusiast Jose Canseco recently bought some goats, put diapers on them, and then…things got weird:

A couple hours after acquiring his new goats, Canseco was pulled over. 

Apparently, the officer got a kick out of Canseco's new animals in the backseat.

Read more here.

And if you care about the power of teh Interweb and the radical, non-filtered speech acts it enables, follow Canseco (the more admirable half of the Bash Brothers!) on Twitter.

Past episodes of "more signs we're living in a Philip K. Dick novel" include the strange case of Fetus-Free Pepsi, the creation of an online dating service built around Atlas Shrugged, the al Qaeda plot to kidnap the star of Cinderella Man, and of course the entire career of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Mandatory reading (unless you're already tripping balls on CAN-D and Perky Pat layouts): "Which Philip K. Dick Story Are We in Today?"

Comments

[ubik]

Are those diapered goats electric?

[Caleb Turberville]

Yes, but “Are Friends Electric?”

[Pro Libertate]

I saw him in a bar in Tampa years ago. I think he may have done some steroids. He was also dickish to a friend of mine–clearly, ‘roid rage.

[The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc]

I thought you were talking about Phillip K. Dick at first.

[Pro Libertate]

I am.

[ubik]

Must have been a PKD simulacra then, the “real” version transmigrated in 1981/2.

[Pro Libertate]

No one has ever bothered to ask me where he transmigrated to, see. Clearwater, Florida. In some bar. He’s there now, with a robot goat.

[hamilton]

Well then obviously he was Dickish.

[CE]

Canseco told the cops that all the retired baseball players have pet goats, but none of them believed him, even after he wrote a book about it. Until lots of other ex-ballplayers started selling goat’s milk and goat cheese and wool.

[Swiss Servator, kirsch anyone?]

*golf clap*

[Raston Bot]

Eastbound and Down is the greatest show on tv right now.

[SugarFree]

The Three Fainting Goats of Jose Canseco
The Goat-Players of Nevada
Counter-Goat World
The Goat of Death
“The Goat of Our Fathers”
“What’ll We Do with Goatland Park?”
“The Short Happy Life of Jose’s Fainting Goat”

[panting] OK. Uh, I need a nap.

[Pro Libertate]

The Goat in God’s Eye.

[Legate Damar]

I, for one, welcome our new 5-limbed Goatee overlords.

[JW]

The Goats Themselves

[Pro Libertate]

The Goat Emperor of Dune.

[JW]

Goatriders of Pern

[Pro Libertate]

The Fellowship of the Goats.

[ubik]

You forgot “The Divine Goat Invasion” and…”The Goat in Daylight” (unpublished).

[Pro Libertate]

He also forgot Deep Goat.

[Hugh Akston]

The Goat in the High Diaper

[Pro Libertate]

Quaker’s Goats.

[ubik]

Goats from the Alphane Moon

[JW]

I Have No Goat and I Must Bleat.

[The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc]

“We Can Remember Your Goat for You Wholesale.”

[ubik]

The Goat-Players of Titan

[Pro Libertate]

Galactic Goat-Healer.

[ubik]

The Goat Whose Hooves Were All Exactly Alike

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

I, Goat?

I’m bad at this game.

[The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc]

“Flow My Goat, the Policeman Said”

[Loki]

A Goat Darkly

[playa manhattan]

This wasn’t just any diapered goat in the back of his car, it was a myotonic goat (aka fainting goat). It’s a big deal.

[Lady Bertrum]

That diaper is full. The goats going to end up with a vicious rash. Someone call PETA.

[Zeb]

They’d probably just kill the goat to save it from being exploited.

[Tonio]

Sometimes a quick clean death is better than suffering.

[Zeb]

That’s really a tough call as I’ve never talked to anyone who has experienced death. Though I tend to imagine that what you say is true. But you never know. Maybe dying is very painful. Or maybe there is an afterlife and it really sucks.

[Ted S.]

What’s with the god damn fucking overlay ad trying to get me to donate to last year’s webathon coming up on the home page that I couldn’t find a way to close without loading images?

And once I let images load, now I’m getting a whole bunch of “you may like” shit from Taboola that I don’t recall loading before.

[playa manhattan]

Whoops, I thought it was this year’s webathon and I donated.

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

They’re getting ready to do it again and I think they’re fucking up the implementation. Insert healthcare.gov joke here because I’m humorless on the subject.

[Almanian!]

“If you like your handle, you can keep it. Period. If you gave last year, you can give last year. Again. Period.”

[Ted S.]

You’re humorless on every subject, aren’t you? :-p

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

Your mom never fails to make me smile.

He-yooooo

[Ted S.]

If you want to spend eternity with my mother, go for it. She’s an extremely ill-tempered blankety-blank. 🙁

[Loki]

There’s no sugarcoating it, there’s a few glitches with the webathon link.

[Tonio]

That “you may like” shit is new, like this week (I think). And obnoxious as hell.

[The Rt. Hon. Serious Man, Visc]

I see the “You May Like” text, but Adblock appears to have blocked the images.

[Ted S.]

That’s pretty much what I see, except that I’ve got only cached images set to load. It makes H&R slightly less of a memory hog.

[Apatheist ?_??]

I don’t see any of this shit with Ghostery.

[Ted S.]

I tried both Ghostery and Adblock, and both slowed Opera down even worse than surfing H&R without them. 🙁

[Ted S.]

Normally, I click on the “comments” link on the main page to open in a background tab, and that positions the page at the start of the comments, since there’s often no point in reading the full article after reading the synopsis on the main page. So if those have been around for a while, I missed them. I do sometimes scroll up, and could swear this afternoon is the first time I’d seen them.

[Killazontherun]

You know what really helps prevent Reason.com from being a real slog? 8 fucking gigs of RAM, bitches!

[Zeb]

I just noticed it for the first time right now.

[Killazontherun]

My sister raised a couple of billies some years back. Very playful and friendly animals. I mean, you couldn’t get them to fetch a ball, yes, i tried, but they would follow you everywhere and wag their tails when you approached. Give an appreciative yelp when you gave a back scratch. I’m kinda missing them.

[JW]

“back scratch”

[Almanian!]

Back scratch fever!
nah nah naaaaaaaaah!
Back scratch fever!
nah nah nah naaaaaaaaaaaah!

/Billy Goat Nugent

[Zeb]

Goats are pretty cool, but they really will eat everything and anything. Which is good if you have a lot of brush to clear.

I used to have a neighbor who had a rather large goat named Admiral who he would take on long walks around town.

[Killazontherun]

Yup, that what she got them for is to clear brush.

Her land has a better set of trails nearby it than mine, so I often visited just to grab the two billies for hiking companions.

[Killazontherun]

My English is absurdly bad today. I’m hitting the road in a bit though I could really use a nap.

[Ted S.]

I live next to 1000 acres of state forest with a whole bunch of mountain biking trails on it. I wonder what the bikers would do if I showed up with a pair of goats. 🙂

[Agile Cyborg]

fuck billy

[SweatingGin]

This story is mostly for Matt Welch, who likes baseball, goats, and diapers (in that order, according to his Wikipedia page).

Disappointed that no one has updated wikipedia to reflect this, of course citing this article as the source.

[kibby]

Recursive citations, I like it.

[Neoliberal Kochtopus]

Is there a Shmarthur Smalllen Yolk joke in here somewheres?

[Almanian!]

Um, there was a kid on our track team in high school who ran the sprints, and we called him “Billy Goat” cause he always sported this cheese-tastic semi-goatee. So he kinda looked like a goat. With the little chin hairs and all.

I got nothin’ else re: goats.

[Tonio]

So, they got his goat?

[Killazontherun]

By the hairs of his chinny chin chin.

[Banjos]

Sloop and I did this same thing, but with a sheep and without a diaper. Needless to say, it shit all over the the back of the cab of his truck. We thought we did a really good job of cleaning it up until we picked up his kids from their mom and his daughter started playing with these hard tiny brown balls that she found in the pocket of the door asking what they were. Good times.

[James Anderson Merritt]

“May I take your hat and goat?”

And the world continues to catch up with the Firesign Theatre.

[Agile Cyborg]

Dick cop splayed neon for goatsie.

[JParker]

Since when is having goats in one’s backseat — diapered or otherwise — considered acceptable grounds for pulling a car over?