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A.M. Links: Obama Tweaks Obamacare Pledge, Christie Re-Election Expected, DRC Officials Say M23 Rebels Have Been Defeated

Matthew Feeney | 11.5.2013 9:00 AM

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  • President Obama has added a caveat to his pledge that you can keep your health care plan if you like it.
  • Sen. Ed Markey (D-Mass.) wants Instagram to stop its users from selling guns.
  • Ebay is considering accepting bitcoins.
  • Republican New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who is expected to win re-election today, could use the victory to show the GOP that he is a strong 2016 contender.
  • Congolese officials say that the M23 rebels in the east of the Democratic Republic of Congo have been defeated.
  • A gunman who opened fire at a New Jersey mall last night is dead after shooting himself in the head. No one other than the gunman, identified as Richard Shoop, was killed or injured.

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NEXT: Autocratic Tajikistan President Faces No Real Challenge in Re-Election Bid

Matthew Feeney is a policy analyst at the Cato Institute.

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  1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    President Obama has added a caveat to his pledge that you can keep your health care plan if you like it.

    I don't know why he just won't fly around the Earth real fast, go back in time and change his original pledge.

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      Why didn't Superman do this every time he fucked up? Luthor's coming at me with kryptonite? Fly backwards!

      1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

        He's not blessed with Supersmarts.

        1. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

          That's why he chose journalism as a career.

          1. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

            Zing!

          2. Bobarian   12 years ago

            This made me laugh for 5 minutes.

      2. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

        And by the way, this is why introducing time travel to anything that's going to be longer than a standalone movie is almost certainly an awful idea. About the only exception is comedies.

        1. Snark Plissken   12 years ago

          Such as Star Trek.

          1. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

            Pistols at dawn.

            1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

              Make it yesterday's dawn.

            2. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

              Phasers, set to zorch.

        2. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

          There are not many ways that one can set up a movie to be horrible than time travel. Exceptions exist (Back to the Future), but normally if you want to completely ass fuck the plot line, throw in time travel.

          1. Zeb   12 years ago

            Have you ever seen Primer? I think it has the best and most consistent treatment of time travel of any movie.
            It is very low budget and incredibly hard to follow, but quite good, I thought.

            1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

              I'll have to try to remember to get to that. I actually love well done time travel stories. I just think that time travel stories are almost never well done (and if it's a series or franchise, everything that comes after the time travel is trivialized).

              1. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

                "I actually love well done time travel stories"

                So the adventures of Warty Hugeman then?

            2. Redmanfms   12 years ago

              Primer is easily the best sci-fi movie I've ever seen, by a wide margin.

            3. Shmenge   12 years ago

              12 Monkeys is also a good time travel movie.

          2. Brett L   12 years ago

            Well, either you're actually just telling the story in media res or else there's no reason for any particular plot to happen.

            The only GOOD story left to tell is the one in which the only stable timelines are the ones without time-travel, but have unstable offshoots... like BTTF.

          3. Raston Bot   12 years ago

            HOTTUB TIME MACHINE

            you people are fucking savages. i can't believe i post here.

            1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

              That movie combines skiing and the 1980's. What's not to love?

              1. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

                Do I really gotta be the asshole who says we got in this thing and went back in time?

              2. Raston Bot   12 years ago

                Hotdog! should've won an Academy Award for Greatest Movie Ever Made? but Spielberg's stupid alien movie won that year.

                1. Agammamon   12 years ago

                  *Which* stupid alien movie?

            2. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

              I haven't seen that, but I did specify that comedies can make it work since you don't care about the plot working that smoothly.

    2. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

      Actually, he's not modifying his pledge; he's lying about what the pledge was before:

      Now, if you had one of these plans before the Affordable Care Act came into law and you really liked that plan, what we said was you can keep it if it hasn't changed since the law passed

      Note that what he said was: "if you like it you can keep it, period".

      He's trying to change the original pledge without even using any superpowers besides his super-charisma.

      1. Slammer   12 years ago

        Yes. He's lying about his lie.

        1. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

          There are lies, damned lies and Obama.

          1. CatoTheElder   12 years ago

            A wag once defined a pathological liar a person who lies even when he doesn't have to. Obama goes a step further: he lies even when it is an obvious lie that makes his earlier lies look even worse.

            He really does have contempt for Americans, and his followers really do deserve contempt if they continue to believe him.

            1. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

              Barack "Tommy Flanagan" Obama

      2. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

        It's shit like this that really makes it hard for me not to nut/cunt punch people who walk around praising politicians.

        1. thom   12 years ago

          I have a hard time driving behind anybody with a political bumper sticker.

          "You put the President's name on your car? Fucking tool."

          1. Somalian Road Corporation   12 years ago

            I used to drive by the AZ Democratic Party HQ every day and there was this car that I always got a kick out of--cracked and faded antiwar bumper sticker, next to slightly better condition Hillary '08 sticker, next to bright and shiny Obama sticker.

      3. Brian D   12 years ago

        He said that particular phrase at a frequency that only dogs could hear, then he had all the dogs that heard it shot.

      4. Raven Nation   12 years ago

        But even the revision isn't true, right? Most of the people I've read about who are losing plans are losing plans they've had for a number of years which don't satisfy the requirements of the law.

        1. VG Zaytsev   12 years ago

          By "change" he means things like raising co-pays by $5 a visit or adjusting the deductible by the CPI.

          1. Brett L   12 years ago

            Right. Actually, I think there were enough regulation compliance changes required that no adult can have the same policy they did when the law passed.

            Which everyone knew would be the case.

      5. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

        That period was actually the start of an ellipsis. Republicans didn't let him finish.

        1. trshmnstr   12 years ago

          "Period! Space! Period! Space! Period! Space! If and only if you built that!"

          1. Brett L   12 years ago

            You monster! Two spaces after a period!

            1. Agammamon   12 years ago

              Not for an ELLIPSIS!

      6. Rufus J. Firefly   12 years ago

        He lied about the 'red line.' He played ignoramus about the IRS and Benghazi. He tried to be a coy little smart alec about his 'you didn't build that' routine.

        Nice record so far.

        BUT, him trying to amend his original 'you can keep it. Period.' into something he NEVER intended or said is just about as low and shallow a person can get.

        The dude from SC who shouted 'you lie!" was onto something.

        POTUS is a disingenuous, lying, narcissistic, left-wing empty-suit.

        I know. Let me preempt Palin...ahem:

        But Buuuuuussshhh!

        1. Number 2   12 years ago

          Bush didn't lie! His advisors simply told him that asserting "Saddam has WMD!" was a clear, simple message that would cut through the clutter and get the point across.

          Besides, it's actually the anti-war Democrats like Sen. Obama who were at fault because of their obstructionism and refusal to compromise!

      7. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

        Not only our worst president, he's also the biggest joke. And that took some doing.

        1. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

          You know which president I have growing respect for? Warren G. Harding. True story.

          1. CatoTheElder   12 years ago

            What's not to like about a president who campaigned on returning to normalcy, by which he meant winding down Wilson's oppressive warfare state, cut taxes, and otherwise spent his time drinking and playing poker in the White House?

            I suppose he should have politicked to end Prohibition, but the politics wouldn't permit it.

      8. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

        He's trying to change the original pledge without even using any superpowers besides his super-charisma.

        "We've always been at war with East Asia."

        We're not yet at a time when what one said in the past can be completely erased from history and human consciousness and replaced by whatever it is our betters would like us to think at the moment, but Obama sure is trying to get us there.

        1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

          It wouldn't be quite so bad if he said "what I meant", but "what I said" is an absolute lie.

        2. Pathogen   12 years ago

          Yeah, the internetz/digital media do not seem to burn at Fahrenheit 451?, do they. The government, and the police are (apparently) having a hard time wrapping their collective minds around this...

      9. Schempf   12 years ago

        Wasn't me

      10. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

        And spreading the blame using the word "we". Pathetic little fuck.

    3. DesigNate   12 years ago

      You can't add a caveat after the fact!

      Jesus fuck.

  2. Derpetologist   12 years ago

    I decided it was time to gather some fresh derp samples. Naturally, I went facebook, which is like the Amazon rainforest for derpetologists. I chatted with a prog acquaintance, who informed me that there is practically no difference between the GOP and the KKK. He was unconvinced by my counter that there are many black and Jewish GOPers. Another chimed in and said the only difference between the two is that the KKK is overt with their racism. Having reached the limit of safe exposure for derp, I logged off and decompressed with oatmeal stout.

    The only thing I said that the progs agreed with was that if the government must be involved in the charity business, it would make more sense just to cut out the bureaucrat middlemen and mail checks. I suggested that everyone over 18 should just get a few hundred bucks a month to insure their basic survival and that every other entitlement/welfare program should be eliminated. Kind of a Purple Wage approach.

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      Isn't it weird how obsessed they are with finding racism? Maybe they could start at the NYT and WaPo editorial boards.

      1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

        If they find racism, they don't have to argue policies on their merits.

        1. Raven Nation   12 years ago

          Racism is the new communism.

          1. Derpetologist   12 years ago

            Nah. As I've said before, racism is Team Blue ketchup- they put it on everything.

            1. Pathogen   12 years ago

              It's their guilt hammer, the only tool in their box...

      2. db   12 years ago

        Try Boston. Plenty of racism to go around there.

        1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

          Sure, if you're in the 70s.

          1. db   12 years ago

            I've seen it there a lot more recently than that. Did some work in 2004 in Cambridge, and the people I was working with were sincerely racist. Like, to the point of not even realizing it might be unacceptable.

            1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

              Yeah, sure.

              1. db   12 years ago

                Go have a beer with some of the folks who work for the City of Cambridge water authority.

      3. Doctor Whom   12 years ago

        Isn't it weird how obsessed they are with finding racism?

        As I've said before, when all you have is a hammer ....

    2. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

      I found this post from one of my FB friends amusing:

      21 to smoke in NYC? im pretty liberal and i dont smoke, but come on.

      And then the first response:

      NYC is just getting ridiculous. I'm shocked New Yorkers are letting it happen. They aren't exactly the type of people who like being told what to do and how to live.

      1. db   12 years ago

        Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

      2. Zeb   12 years ago

        So all of the residents of a very big and diverse city are of a type.

        1. VG Zaytsev   12 years ago

          Yeah, in NYC they're all pussies

          1. Rufus J. Firefly   12 years ago

            Seriously. The myth of the 'tough' New Yorker my ass. They take it up the ass from their masters just like anybody.

            It's a shame because if there's one place I thought would tell politicians to fuck off it would be them.

      3. Rhywun   12 years ago

        I like the admission that being a liberal means you want to control other people.

        1. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

          Yeah, I really wanted to point that out, but I had engaged him a few times during the shutdown for his support of the NPS, so I passed on this one.

    3. Elspeth Flashman   12 years ago

      Your bravery should be rewarded. somehow. Thank you for the journey into derpitude.

      1. Kant feel Pietzsche   12 years ago

        I don't know why everyone is so down on FB. My only advice is: Get smarter friends.

    4. Tonio   12 years ago

      +1 Philip Jose Farmer. I love that story.

      1. Rich   12 years ago

        Seconded.

    5. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

      Chickenshit.

      Try democraticundergound.com or balloon juice. Then we'll see who's got a frontal lobe of steel and who comes back lobotomized.

  3. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    ...could use the victory to show the GOP that he is a strong 2016 contender.

    Hopefully this victory gives him the confidence to be his off-putting self for the next two years.

    1. gaijin   12 years ago

      o be his off-putting self for the next two years.

      indeed. Because nothing appeals to the rest of America (GOP or not) like the New Jersey Way.

    2. Rhywun   12 years ago

      I won't mind if he goes back to telling the teachers' union to fuck off.

  4. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Obviously a libertarian:

    A big fish rounds out the ballot in Ann Arbor, Mich.

    The fish, Mlive.com reported, was removed from a pond in West Park in November 2012, because it was destroying the pond's vegetation. It was then released into the Huron River, where it apparently developed a taste for politics.

    Mlive.com reported the fish describes itself as a bottom feeder who is adept at using social media to get out its talking points.

    "Developers have been allowed to run amok. I will aggressively return Ann Arbor to its Golden Age, viz. 1837," the carp's campaign material says.

    "Main Street will be lined with shanties and low doggeries, the tanneries and sawmills on the river will thrum once more," -- if elected, that is -- the carp says.

    1. Ted S.   12 years ago

      The fish would probably do a better job than any of the other candidates. Unless there's a cat on the ballot, of course.

    2. mr simple   12 years ago

      "I'm amused. I have a sense of humor and I think it's funny. I consider a 20-pound carp to be a substantial opponent and I wish him the best," Eaton said.

      Of course, everyone who has a sense of humor has to point it out all the time.

      1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

        As a former user of online dating, I never understood what "good sense of humor" even means. Everyone finds different shit funny.

        1. Brett L   12 years ago

          When women say that in an online profile, it means, "less attractive than me and knows it". When men say it they mean, "won't frown at me when I tell an off-color joke".

        2. Rufus J. Firefly   12 years ago

          Kristen, I like long walks on the beach.

          Not there are any around here.

          1. Rufus J. Firefly   12 years ago

            that.

  5. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    Sen. Ed Markey (D-Mass.) wants Instagram to stop its users from selling guns.

    I should probably just stop reading after that parenthetical term.

    1. DontShootMe   12 years ago

      you are supposed to replace the "-" in D-Mass with a "u", it makes more sense that way.

      1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

        Ahem.

      2. db   12 years ago

        "Alexandreey Dumbass."

        1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

          +1 Monte Crisco

    2. Rufus J. Firefly   12 years ago

      Markey said signing for Obamacare was the highlight of his career. He's a moonbat soldier.

      1. Raven Nation   12 years ago

        If that's true (& I realize it probably isn't), what a sad, pathetic career.

        1. tarran   12 years ago

          I've talked to the man personally. He's an utter assholish piece of shit. He wanted me to grease the skids for a niece who wanted to be a Navy Nurse.

        2. Rufus J. Firefly   12 years ago

          It is true. I listen to Boston radio and it's been quoted.

          1. Raven Nation   12 years ago

            Clarification: I meant if he was being honest about it being the highlight of his career. Badly worded first post, sorry.

            1. Rufus J. Firefly   12 years ago

              Cool.

  6. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    A moment of silence.

    Giant yellow duck explodes in Taiwain during attempt to reinflate it after earthquake

    The 18-metre-tall duck in northern Taoyuan county began to deflate when an air pump went off during a power outage triggered by the 6.3-magnitude quake on Thursday night.

    The earthquake shook buildings in the capital Taipei and across much of Taiwan, sending panicked residents running for shelter, although only a few minor injuries and little damage were reported.

    However, organisers were forced to suspend the exhibit of Dutch artist Florentijn Hofman's giant bath-toy replica, after powerful winds caused the duck's rear end to burst while it was being re-inflated on Friday morning, rendering it a flattened yellow disc floating on a pond.

    1. a better weapon   12 years ago

      You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

      1. Raven Nation   12 years ago

        +1 Duck-alypse

        1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

          Silly girl, ducks don't have lips. Even if they did, that's not the part that blew up.

          1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

            Plus which, it should have been "+1 Planet of the Ducks."

            1. Brett L   12 years ago

              Mmm. Lea Thompson.

          2. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

            Also, sorry if I confused you with someone else and you're a guy.

            1. Raven Nation   12 years ago

              It's OK sweetie. And, yes, you did confuse me. But, I accept the rebuke. And Fist's improvement.

          3. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

            No, it wasn't the lips...

            powerful winds caused the duck's rear end to burst

            The wind, or STEVE SMITH?

            1. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

              STEVE SMITH'S DEVINE RAPE-WIND?

  7. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Frustration, uncertainty keep people off health insurance sites

    About 17 percent of people who don't have health insurance actually tried to buy some on the new marketplaces in October, a new survey published Monday indicates. And just 20 percent of those who did try managed to buy a policy, the Commonwealth Fund survey finds.

    And health officials have made clear the frustrations will not be completely over for anyone, even by the end of the month. The troubled website crashed again Monday, its third complete outage in just over a week. But this time, technicians were able to get it up and running again after 90 minutes.

    1. a better weapon   12 years ago

      Well obviously you have to sign up to find out whats in it. I can't think of a more satisfying way for consumers to lock themselves into a health insurance policy.

    2. Ted S.   12 years ago

      About 17 percent of people who don't have health insurance actually tried to buy some on the new marketplaces in October, a new survey published Monday indicates.

      So the other 83 percent were planning on paying the penaltax?

    3. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

      Isn't it time they just sent SWAT into these households that haven't accessed the site yet and make them sign up? I mean, come on.

  8. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Islamist rebels in Syria use faces of the dead to lure the living

    In his death portrait, the young rebel's bearded face is fixed with a broad, unearthly grin. The Saudi man had been killed in fighting, and his corpse, with its beatific smile, was photographed and displayed in a Twitter posting inviting others to celebrate his martyrdom.

    "He always used to say: 'Those martyrs smile. What is it they see?' " a former comrade wrote in a tribute to the fighter, identified as Abu Hamad al-Saya'ri. In another post, an admirer mused about the good fortune of the fallen and speculated on what the dead must be saying: "Congrats to me, congrats to me, I became a martyr."

  9. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Revellers steal llama and take it on tram ride

    A llama called Serge was reportedly kidnapped from a circus in France by a group of revellers that decided to take him for a walk through the streets of Bordeaux and then on to a tram.

    The five men, who had just exited a nightclub in Bassins ? Flot, are said to have documented their trip in a series of photos posted online.

    One of the snaps showed the clubbers posing with the animal on a street while the other displayed a rather lonely looking Serge in a near-empty tram.

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      Its not loneliness. Serge is just experiencing the existential despair of being in France surrounded by Frenchmen.

    2. hamilton   12 years ago

      "Look out! There are llamas!"

  10. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

    "If you like your alt-text, you can keep it."

    1. Pathogen   12 years ago

      Only if it "qualifies"..

  11. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    No one other than the gunman, identified as Richard Shoop, was killed or injured.

    No cops killed by friendly fire?

    Drat.

  12. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Hookers I understand, but Lady Gaga?

    Feds: Navy secrets sold for hookers and Lady Gaga tix

    It started with an invitation to the Broadway production of "The Lion King" in Tokyo for the Navy commander, his wife and their children.

    In the end, the Malaysian defense contractor known in military circles as "Fat Leonard" would use prostitutes, plane tickets and other bribes to hook the U.S. Naval officer into a scheme that overbilled the Pentagon by millions, investigators say in court papers.

    ...snip...

    Misiewicz and Francis moved Navy vessels like chess pieces, diverting aircraft carriers, destroyers and other ships to Asian ports with lax oversight where Francis could inflate costs, the criminal complaint alleges. The firm overcharged the Navy millions for fuel, food and other services it provided, and invented tariffs by using phony port authorities, prosecutors say.

    1. DJF   12 years ago

      What do you expect from a Navy whose motto is "A Global Force For Good"

      1. db   12 years ago

        "A Global Force for Burning Through Cash"

        1. Doctor Whom   12 years ago

          Same thing, according to certain mindsets.

      2. Somalian Road Corporation   12 years ago

        Who can we blame for that motto? Mission creep ahoy!

      3. Agammamon   12 years ago

        I liked the motto from when I joined.

        "The US Navy, not just a job - you can quit a job"

    2. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

      Do you understand PM Links?

      1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

        I don't roll that way.

  13. PowerBottom   12 years ago

    Police taser father as son dies in house fire.

    http://www.connecttristates.co.....nj61PmkqDg

    This is about as bad as it gets. Guy wakes up to house fire, escapes, tries to go back in to get his step son, the cops that come taser him THREE times, hand cuff him, stuff him in cruiser, to keep him from trying to go in and save the kid.

    1. DJF   12 years ago

      We can't have civilians rescuing people and making the cops look bad.

    2. Smilin' Joe Fission   12 years ago

      Well, my morning is ruined.

    3. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

      God, that's heroic.

      1. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

        "To Serve and Protect Ourselves"

    4. Snark Plissken   12 years ago

      Without tasers they would have to have shot him, you see, for his own good. Another life saved by non-lethal force.

    5. Slammer   12 years ago

      Kid probably had something on those dirty cops.

      1. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

        Cops set the fire to silence him.

    6. Metazoan   12 years ago

      Ryan Miller's sister-in-law doesn't think the police handled the situation correctly.

      Understatement of the millennium?

      1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

        There's no sugarcoating it - the police may have acted overly heroically.

      2. Redmanfms   12 years ago

        Understatement of the millennium?

        I'm not going to sugercoat this, but the cops handled the situation poorly.

        1. Pathogen   12 years ago

          Hey.hey.hey.. That's up to a board of inquiry to decide... Move along, they'll get back to you about it, right after they are vindicated by their bowling partners and drinking buddies an impartial review panel...

    7. Agammamon   12 years ago

      Look, why can't you understand? The cops couldn't go in because, like, procedures, man. And if they *hadn't* stopped this dude and he died then they would have looked bad. And if he succeeded they would have looked worse.

      They *had* to taser him, it was for the public good.

      1. Pathogen   12 years ago

        They just wanted to make sure this guy got to go home after their shift...

    8. Zakalwe   12 years ago

      Huh, this same thing happened a few months ago ago and we argued about it then. I was one of the few (the only?) on the pro cop side in that one because it was pretty clear from witness statements (the kids' grandfather, for one) that the dad was just committing suicide.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

        Even so, if the father wants to risk his life to attempt to save his child, that is his prerogative. It is not the role of the State to prevent it.

  14. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

    Watch this Wahabbi Christian nutcase in the Alabamastan GOP primary - Dean Young. He cited Judge Roy Moore (execution for gays) as his political hero and could not name the Treasury Secretary. He is running against a sane Chamber of Commerce GOPer.

    If he and "Cooch" go down it may be the impetus Big Boy in NJ needs to take over the GOP for 2016.

    1. Derpetologist   12 years ago

      [soft guitar music plays]

      He loses at Tic Tac Toe.
      He knods when talking on the phone.
      He pushes the elevator buttons over and over to make it go faster.

      He is . . . the least intelligent man in the world.

      "I don't always use logical fallacies...well, actually, I do. Stay derpy, my friends."

    2. Weigel's Cock Ring   12 years ago

      "Vote for McAuliffe, Buono, and De Blasio!"

      -The owner of my cock

      1. Zakalwe   12 years ago

        Do you really think Weigel has enough time to do his job, waste what looks like 19 hours a day on Twitter, and troll H&R?

    3. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

      conventry

      1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

        or even coventry

        1. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

          I am observing it - it is .... liberating!

    4. Elspeth Flashman   12 years ago

      I have this great recipe for roast chicken. I'll post it if anyone is interested.

      1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

        Yes pleeze

        1. Elspeth Flashman   12 years ago

          1. Use skinless/boneless white meat.
          2. Marinate for 1/2 hour in Newman's own dressing (don't use other brands that have bad stuff in them - I can post recipe for marinade if need be).
          3. Roll in beaten egg, then roll in bread crumbs for batter/breading. Place in glass baking dish.
          4. Oven at 350 degrees, bake for 1 hour or until internal temp measured with meat thermometer reads 165 degrees.
          5. Enjoy!

          1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

            Nom nom nom nom.

            I wonder how it would do with a nut flour instead of bread crumbs?

            1. Elspeth Flashman   12 years ago

              Go for it and let me know how it turns out.

      2. SugarFree   12 years ago

        Dry brining. You never knew chicken could taste that much like chicken.

        1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

          Dry brine - like you would do with a steak?

          1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

            my aged parents always cringe when I dry brine - "All that salt is bad for you".

            When I point out studies that salt doesn't effect blood pressure (much) they say "that isn't true!!! My doctor said..."

            I've noticed old people cling to doctors like like survivors battling to get on the lifeboat.

            1. Somalian Road Corporation   12 years ago

              What's even better is when your old relatives are in medicine, should know better, and cling to outdated "conventional wisdom" anyways.

          2. SugarFree   12 years ago

            Here's an example:

            http://smittenkitchen.com/blog.....ad-salad/

            This also how I do my smoked turkeys for Thanksgiving.

            1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

              Yep - that's what I do with my steaks. Salt em for an hour or so (wrapped tightly), then pat dry. Learned that from ATK.

              I wet brine my turkey for Thxgiving. Learned that from Alton Brown.

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                I don't wrap my steaks. Evaporation of the protein-laden juice brought to the surface by the salt forms a pellicule that promotes browning.

                1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

                  Maybe I'm confusing it with another technique, then. ATK has never steered me wrong. Because, science.

                  1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                    They may have been after some other effect. I only do steaks on the grill, using my charcoal starter as a blowtorch. It's as close to black and blue as I can get with home equipment.

                  2. Elspeth Flashman   12 years ago

                    ATK is where I got the marinade recipe. They're great. Not a subscriber anymore though.

        2. Gbob   12 years ago

          Brining is great. Smoking is excellent. If you're pressed for time, however, may I recommend beer can chicken for your oven? Alright, take your bird. Slice the skin and shove some garlic into that sucker. Rub the bird down with a mixture of paprika, salt, pepper, oregano. Now, take a can of beer. Empty about half of it, then shove it up the birds ass and stand the bird on end, in a pan. Chope up your holy trininity (celery, carrots and onions) and place them around the chicken. Toss in a 350 degree oven for a few hours until the wing twists easily off in your hand. The skin will be perfectly crispy, and the meat juicy as all fuck. Carve that bad boy up. (Then use the carcass to make stock/soup!)

    5. Agammamon   12 years ago

      You keep using that word, wahabbi, I do not think it means what you think it means.

      1. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

        Wahhabism (Arabic: ???????, Wahh?biyyah) is an ultra-conservative[1] branch of Sunni Islam,[2][3] (though some people dispute that a Wahhabi is a Sunni).[4] It is a religious movement among fundamentalist Islamic believers, with an aspiration to return to the earliest fundamental Islamic sources of the Quran and Hadith, with inspiration from the teachings of Medieval theologian Ibn Taymiyyah and early jurist Ahmad ibn Hanbal.[5] Wikipedia

        Nope, that is what I intended. I did misspell it though.

        Wahabbi Christians hate freedom.

        1. everyone   12 years ago

          Wahabbi Christian? Is that like a fascist libertarian? Good job, Shrike.

          Palin's Buttplug| 9.2.13 @ 5:57PM |#

          If everyone agreed with me I would quit posting.

          1. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

            Um, yeah, you're right Shreeek. On everything.

            Hey everybody. Shithead will quit posting when everyone agrees with him. What say you?

            1. Doctor Whom   12 years ago

              I agree with him on everything. I agree that there can be Wahhabi Christians (and Mahayana Christians and Lubavitcher Christians).

            2. Rufus J. Firefly   12 years ago

              Palin, you're a classical liberal. I agree!

        2. Kant feel Pietzsche   12 years ago

          "I get to define my own terms. Then I can define my own reality. Yay!"

        3. Agammamon   12 years ago

          Yeah, no. I am pretty sure that no form of fundamentalist Christianity wishes to *return* to the earliest fundamental Islamic sources of the Qurath and Hadith.

          SO, essentially, you're an idiot. Using a term for specific movement in one religion to describe a completely different movement in another religion. Doubly so when that movement *already* has a name for itself.

        4. itsnotmeitsyou   12 years ago

          Ok, if it weren't official before. It is now. PB is too retarded to be a real person. Seriously.

          How, can any human with a functioning brain seriously do this?

          this Wahabbi Christian nutcase

          It uses a descriptor that can not possibly apply and gets called out on it. Then, in a moment of extreme intellectual dishonesty and mental gymnastics that would make an olympian jealous, it posts these at the same time.

          Wahhabism (Arabic: ???????, Wahh?biyyah) is an ultra-conservative[1] branch of Sunni Islam,

          Nope, that is what I intended. I did misspell it though.

          Wahabbi Christians hate freedom.

          So, it posts something, then immediately posts absolutely contradictory info, and claims it is right and meant it all along.

          Wait, this line of reasoning sounds familiar... Something about keeping your can or something. My brain is so injured right now, I can't remember.

    6. fish   12 years ago

      If he and "Cooch" go down it may be the impetus Big Boy in NJ needs to take over the GOP for 2016.

      And if you keep up the diligent work you might just edge out T o n y for the position of "Court Fellator" if you keep up this relentless campaigning!

    7. Pathogen   12 years ago

      Booooosh!?!

    8. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

      Mock Chop Suey

      1 lb ground beef
      1 small onion, chopped
      1 cup chopped celery
      1 (10 1/2 ounce) can cream of mushroom soup
      1 (10 1/2 ounce) can cream of chicken soup
      1 1/2 cups water
      1/2 cup rice, uncooked
      1/4 cup soy sauce
      salt & pepper
      1 can chinese noodles
      Directions:

      1 Brown hamburger with onion in a skillet.
      2 Add all other ingredients except noodles and mix well.
      3 Place in a greased 3 qt casserole.
      4 Bake, uncovered, at 350 for 1 hour.
      5 Stir 3/4 of noodles into casserole and place the rest on top.
      6 Bake an additional 15 minutes.

  15. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    'Flying excrement' has Pudong residents fuming about the mess

    Residents in a community along the flight path of planes near Shanghai Pudong International Airport have complained about "flying excrement" making a mess in their neighborhood.

    A resident of Luchaogang Community surnamed Zhou said feces were often found splattered on cars or laundry hanging out to dry. Some people were even hit by "flying excrement" when walking in the area, making them feel "grossed out," Zhou added.

    Residents said they suspected some planes had septic tank leaks as many jets pass over the community.

    1. Rich   12 years ago

      "flying excrement"

      Nice band name.

      1. Butts Wagner   12 years ago

        Their opening act is the Flying Buttresses

    2. Smilin' Joe Fission   12 years ago

      Similar complaints have been filed by Shrieks neighbours.

    3. Elspeth Flashman   12 years ago

      "suspected . . . septic tank leaks."

      suuuuure. That's the reason.

    4. Brett L   12 years ago

      I'm such a racist. I read China and then "frying excrement".

    5. Rhywun   12 years ago

      making them feel "grossed out," Zhou added

      He then followed up with "Like, it's grody to the max."

  16. Rich   12 years ago

    No one other than the gunman, identified as Richard Shoop, was killed or injured.

    Maybe this will result in a resurgence in popularity of the Shoop Shoop Hula Hoop.

    OTOH, the sound it makes is reminiscent of a shotgun being racked.

    1. Agammamon   12 years ago

      God, life in the Middle Ages must have been horrible.

      1. Rich   12 years ago

        Not that bad. They racked only blasphemers back then.

  17. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    India's mission to Mars
    India on Tuesday launched its first spacecraft bound for Mars, a complex mission that it hopes will demonstrate and advance technologies for space travel.

    India's Polar Satellite Launch Vehicle (PSLV-C25), carrying the Mars orbiter, lifts off from the Satish Dhawan Space Centre in Sriharikota, about 100 km (62 miles) north of the southern Indian city of Chennai November 5, 2013. India launched its first rocket to Mars on Tuesday, aiming to put a satellite in orbit around the red planet at a lower cost than previous missions and potentially positioning the emerging Asian nation as a budget player in the global space race.

    warning - it's a slideshow

    1. DJF   12 years ago

      The spacecraft will be used to open a customer service call center on Mars.

      1. Raven Nation   12 years ago

        Oh, very good sir.

        1. Rich   12 years ago

          "Daniel"?!

        2. Tonio   12 years ago

          Workers in Indian call centers serving US customers are given "local" names and identities, often with hilarious results. "This is Becky from Alabama [pronounced ALLAH-Ba-ma]."

          1. SugarFree   12 years ago

            One of my student workers called xBox support. The sweet Indian kid that answered insisted his name was really "Blade."

            1. Pathogen   12 years ago

              LOL... That's fucking awesome.

      2. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

        I worked for the tech support department in my current company as part of the introductory program. We are just outside of Boston, but we hire a ton (like 60-70%) of Indians for our recent grads. We had several people call and not believe the guy they were talking to was in the US.

        To be fair, some of the accents are pretty thick.

        1. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

          So it's YOUR fault.

          Question:

          Isn't the whole purpose of customer support to appease your customers? Why in fuck would you hire people they can't understand to assist in fixing their problems?

          1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

            If you can't understand these guys, the problem is on your end. Just because you can tell someone is Indian from their accent doesn't make them unintelligible.

            1. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

              Had an Indian professor for a Matrices class in school...

              Thank Christ I never had to use it. Couldn't understand a word that little guy said.

      3. DontShootMe   12 years ago

        I LOL'ed.

      4. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

        a 7/11 joke would also have been acceptable. Or is that a Pakistani thing? *shrugs*

        1. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

          No, Indian too!

          /Joe Biden

  18. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Actually, America doesn't have a trillion-dollar infrastructure crisis

    Progressives think the US suffers from a massive "public investment" deficit. They point to a much-hyped "report card" from the American Society of Civil Engineers ? folks who like infrastructure spending, mind you ? that calls for an additional $2 trillion in spending to get US road, bridges, and water works up to a solid "B" grade from the current "D+" by 2020. And this chart (below) from BCA Research was much circulated recently by folks arguing for vastly more infrastructure spending:

    But dig a little deeper and you find claims of a supposed infrastructure crisis are wildly overstated. US public construction spending has averaged 1.8% of GDP since 1993, with a low of 1.6% in the first quarter of this year and a high of 2.2% in the second quarter of 2009. Over the past two years, it's averaged about 1.7%.

  19. KB Check Release   12 years ago

    Any of you guys from Columbus, OH go to the Grandview Chipotle on 5th ave around 9:45 last night?

    I was behind someone whose car was decked out with a Rand '16 sticker and other libertarian messaging.

    If it was any of you...I was right behind you in line.

    1. hamilton   12 years ago

      1. Damn. Are there so few libertarians now that we can do the "local sightings" thingy?

      2. Any hampersandr commenter can be identified either by the pink cocktail, fingerstache, and other signs of the dreaded cosmotarian, or by the fact that they do not wander outdoors to such public places as Chipotle except to assess targets.

      1. Protagoronus   12 years ago

        I just look for the monocle tan

      2. Ted S.   12 years ago

        In a shithole like Columbus OH? Sure. 🙂

        1. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

          Hey, now!

      3. Doctor Whom   12 years ago

        The only suitable vehicle for an H ve R commenter is a gilded sedan chair carried by slaves selected from the 99.999%.

        1. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

          I prefer the term "servant".

    2. sarcasmic   12 years ago

      I would think most people here are smart enough not to advertize on their cars that they are libertarians. It's a good way to get vandalized by tolerant liberals or searched by the cops.

      1. Floridian   12 years ago

        That is why I don't put the NRA stickers on my car. I don't want to get shot in the face during a routine police stop or have a thief break into my truck looking for a gun to steal.

      2. Smilin' Joe Fission   12 years ago

        This is exactly how I feel. The great tolerant progs cannot tolerate our intolerance of their statist intolerant tendencies.

        But actually, I was wearing a Ron Paul 2012 shirt the other night out at a bar and a couple people came up and told me how much they love the guy. But here in Canada most people don't even really know what a libertarian is. All they know is conservative, liberal, national democratic party. None of them seem to realize that the parties are mostly varying degrees of statism.

        1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

          But here in Canada most people don't even really know what a libertarian is. All they know is conservative, liberal, national democratic party.

          Ask a Democrat what a libertarian is, and they'll equate it to fascism.
          Ask a Republican what a libertarian is, and they'll equate it to drugs.

          1. Smilin' Joe Fission   12 years ago

            I mean, even the word libertarian. Most regular folk I have talked to think it is some sort of liberal thing.

            1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

              Even though I'm sure the producers of Parks and Recreation are flaming liberals / progressives, I still have to thank them for creating Ron Swanson. He'd be an awesome character even if he was apolitical.

              1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

                Ron Swanson is up there with Archie Bunker as the greatest sitcom character of all time. And I love that the flaming liberals that undoubtedly write that show made him a real, sympathetic character with mostly accurate libertarian ideals and not a caricature.

                1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

                  Yeah, I'd meant to mention the accuracy. (It's why I replied to Smilin' Joe) Someone on the show did some reading.

          2. Doctor Whom   12 years ago

            Ask either a Democrat or a Republican what a libertarian is, and they'll equate it to whatever they don't like. When you prove them wrong, they immediately switch to appeals to ridicule.

    3. Brett L   12 years ago

      Speaking of libertarian gatherings, is anyone coming to St. Pete in April for the reason weekend thing I got a postcard about? The wife and I might bring the new spawn down to, whatever the opposite of baptize is, experience libertarianism from his cradle. But not if we're just going to be hanging out with the use-tax guys.

      1. Floridian   12 years ago

        I'm in the habit of throwing away reason mail because they want more money. What is going on in St Pete?

        1. Brett L   12 years ago

          So far no agenda, just a date and place.

          1. Floridian   12 years ago

            Thanks. 4/10 is my wife's birthday so I'm sure we will be in south Florida with her family that weekend.

          2. hamilton   12 years ago

            Reason Weekend is an annual event open to members of Reason's exclusive Torchbearer Society.

            Oh, pardon me mater while I play my grahnd piahno.

            1. Brett L   12 years ago

              Formal monocles only.

            2. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

              No more buttered scones for you?

            3. Kant feel Pietzsche   12 years ago

              I belong to the equally prestigious Pitchforkbearer Society....

              1. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

                +4 tines

                1. Lord at War   12 years ago

                  What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?

                  You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

  20. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    aww...

    Lion forms close, rare bond with conservationists
    Valentin Gruener and Mikkel Legarth raise Sirga as a cub after she was abandoned; pair seeks to save lion population through Modisa Wildlife Project

    It is a touching bond that stretches back to when the two men rescued Sirga as a cub deep in the African bush and became the animal's surrogate parents. Legarth told the U.K. Daily Mail that his bond with Sirga is similar to her being part of his pride.

    "A pride had three cubs and two were killed before Sirga was abandoned without food," Legarth told the Daily Mail. "It happened on our land and we could not stand by and watch her die."

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      Until they trigger her prey instinct. Then she's biting through your braincase. You can see in the bottom picture, she's evaluating the tastiness of the photographer.

      1. SugarFree   12 years ago

        You are the reason we can't have nice things.

        1. Brett L   12 years ago

          No, you can own a lion, but I will shoot her if leaves your property and enters mine. I have a healthy respect for her ability to eat me.

          1. SugarFree   12 years ago

            You're like those commenters at Jezebel who bring up factory farming practices when someone posts a cute picture of a baby chicken and a house cat snuggling together.

            Ruiner.

            1. Brett L   12 years ago

              I'm sending my seconds around to call on you, sir. That was beyond toleration.

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                As the challenge, I chose Warty Hugeman as our weapons. I already have a Warty Hugeman... Do you?

                1. Brett L   12 years ago

                  Well, I mean... I have s tiny Warty.

                  1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                    Tiny Warty? HAHAHAHA! Dawn. Be one time or I will let him skin you and fuck your bones to paste.

                    1. Brett L   12 years ago

                      I don't have a rapesuit or timesuit or whatever, so I guess I have to be one time.

                2. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

                  Wait, Warty is your puppet? I'm confused on the Epi/Warty/SF hierarchy. Is STEVE SMITH the butler?

                  1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                    Warty Hugeman is no one's puppet. But as his offcial biographer, he protects my interests. Epi is just some gutter trash we let tag along. If he didn't have such a pretty mouth, I would have drowned him in a toilet years ago.

                    1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

                      that greatly clarifies the confusion of this carpenter's kid.

                    2. Agammamon   12 years ago

                      So you're Felix Jaeger to Warty's Goetrek Gurnnison? With more rape (but not more berserk violence)?

                    3. SugarFree   12 years ago

                      I don't like labels, Aga.

            2. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

              Speaking of chickens, a raccoon had the nerve to eat one of my hens yesterday.

              That fucker is going to die.

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                Bandit bastards.

              2. Pathogen   12 years ago

                Gangland style, or execution style?

                1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

                  Yeah, bandits suck. But it's a hazard you face when ou live in the country and let your chickens roam free all day. It's not so much the chicken that I was attached to, but the 1/2 dozen eggs she gave me a week. We have been getting 6 eggs a day for months, now we'll have to live with 5 eggs a day. That angers me.

                  Imma trap that fucker, then shoot his little ass, and right in my own fucking yard. Living in the county is awesome.

                  Then Imma set the trap again and shoot any other fuckers that get caught up. My neighbor has a hay barn (it's right where she was taken and eaten), and they have made themselves quite a home in there, tunnelling their way through stacked hay. Them bitches are as good as dead.

                  I had considered tying one of my chickens up as bait, and waiting across the yard with my 17 HMR rifle to blast the fucker as he came out (which would be the most fun), but then decided that shooting towards livestock, both horses and cattle, and in the general direction of someone's home as probably not that great of an idea.

                  1. Brett L   12 years ago

                    I had considered tying one of my chickens up as bait, and waiting across the yard with my 17 HMR rifle to blast the fucker as he came out (which would be the most fun), but then decided that shooting towards livestock, both horses and cattle, and in the general direction of someone's home as probably not that great of an idea.

                    Never been a cop, huh?

      2. Suthenboy   12 years ago

        Actually Brett, if raised from a young age as a pet they can be quite tame. Lions are very social animals. Tigers on the other hand, well, it is just a matter of time before they take a bite. Tigers are solitary creatures with no social skills.

        1. Warty   12 years ago

          As social as housecats. And my cats rarely try to kill me. Well, really try.

          1. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

            Meh. I catch mine eyeing me up when he thinks I'm not looking. He's just patiently waiting for the right opportunity...

            1. Brett L   12 years ago

              I will never have cats and stairs. It makes it too easy for them.

          2. Kant feel Pietzsche   12 years ago

            If you suddenly shrunk to scale, they would be shitting your bones tomorrow...

          3. mr simple   12 years ago

            If my cats could hold a knife I would never turn my back on them.

            1. Agammamon   12 years ago

              Doubly so - if they could hold a knife, they could OPERATE A CAN OPENER.

        2. Smilin' Joe Fission   12 years ago

          An animal that at any moment could kill me with not much more than a paw swipe is not something I will ever spend cuddle time with. They are still wild animals who are, by their nature, predators.

          1. Pathogen   12 years ago

            Like a hand grenade... - the pin... + some whiskers...

      3. Steve G   12 years ago

        +1 Roy

  21. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    Guy wakes up to house fire, escapes, tries to go back in to get his step son, the cops that come taser him THREE times, hand cuff him, stuff him in cruiser, to keep him from trying to go in and save the kid.

    A crime resulting in death which will get these cops charged with murder, and justice will be done.

    *rocks silently in corner, banging head on wall*

  22. Rich   12 years ago

    'Purge surge': Obama fires another commander

    the total number of senior officers purged during the five years of the Obama administration [is] close to 200.

    "Ihe pleasure of the President."

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      My advice: Fire more major generals along with your full bird colonels. In fact, if we're really serious about drawing down, we should have a thick NCO corps, and thin out everyone else.

    2. Steve G   12 years ago

      Another article title w/ wayy too much journalistic license. The CINC was no more involved in this firing than he has been in the USMC hat debacle.

  23. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    I dated the Obamacare girl

    So, we went out. Well, sort of. O-girl told me to pick her up, but when I reached her front door I found a note that read, "I can't go out at our scheduled time, but please keep standing at the door until I'm able."

    An odd way to begin, I thought. But, what could I do? There was no getting out of the date at this point?promises were made. So, I stood on her stoop?for several days. One day, long after the flowers in my hand had wilted, I could hear her shuffling around inside. "Are you there," I asked. "Is this date going to happen?"

    She replied from behind the closed door, "I AM here?and you're being impatient. Nobody is more frustrated than I am that our date hasn't begun." She stomped away from the door, and I went back to waiting.

  24. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

    For Mr. Sloppy Inca.

    My dad is getting up there in years and like many old geezers, gets really grouchy about shit the neighbors do. Some guy in the neighborhood walks his dogs (collies) unleashed and they sometimes chase my dad on his bike for a bit and nip at his heels. So my dad went to the local police and asked if they could make the guy put a leash on his dogs, which the law requires.

    They said no, they could only do that if they caught him in the act of walking a dog without a leash. Instead, they advised my father to carry a gun and next time it happens, shoot the dogs.

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      Hopefully, he carries a stick instead and just gives them a good whack to let them know he's not prey.

      1. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

        He carries pepper spray now. He loathes the neighbor, but thought the idea of gunning down the dogs was insane.

        1. Brett L   12 years ago

          Agreed. Is this our part of the world?

          1. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

            Yeah, it was one of the hamlets that make up Panama City.

            1. Brett L   12 years ago

              IIRC, the cops are particularly thuggish in small towns out that way.

    2. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

      When all you've got is a hammer...

      1. Pathogen   12 years ago

        "When all you've got is a hammer..."

        "Gary, if for some reason your cover is blown, and the terrorists take you prisoner, well, you'll probably want to take your own life. Here, you'd better have this."

    3. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

      I'd actually agree with this advice. However, I would substitute "squirt gun" for "gun", since I am not a bloodthirsty psycho.

    4. Ted S.   12 years ago

      Get that in writing, so people can shoot unleased police dogs with impunity.

      1. Ted S.   12 years ago

        Er, unleashed. I presume the dogs are owned, not rented.

        1. trshmnstr   12 years ago

          You never know

      2. Tonio   12 years ago

        Yeah, that "shoot 'em" thing is incompetence or a trap.

        Pepper spray is the way to go.

      3. TANSTaaFL   12 years ago

        Kickstarter project - Funding a documentary about how often cops kill dogs. Consider donating (I am not involved with the project, I just hate when pigs kill dogs)

        http://www.kickstarter.com/pro.....ocumentary

        1. R C Dean   12 years ago

          I'm in. Who else?

          1. Marc F Cheney   12 years ago

            I already ponied up a substantial amount.

    5. Warty   12 years ago

      Put your grumpy old man on TRT. He'll get nicer in a hurry.

  25. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    But dig a little deeper and you find claims of a supposed infrastructure crisis are wildly overstated.

    Whutwhutwhuuuut?

  26. Rich   12 years ago

    Woman on Phone Drives Jeep into Herd of Cows

    Her name is -- I'm not making this up -- Daisy Cowit. Of Wawayanda, no less.

    1. Raven Nation   12 years ago

      Don't know if anyone posted this over the weekend:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StvPUPoKAfQ

      1. Rich   12 years ago

        Oops.

      2. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

        Jeeezus. And was he looking at a paper map? Who does that?

        1. Raven Nation   12 years ago

          Actually, he propped his wallet in front of the camera to obscure the camera then propped his 'phone in front of the wallet. According to accounts, he was looking at 'photos of girls on Facebook when the accident occurred.

          1. Zakalwe   12 years ago

            Yeah, the secret to reading on the highway it that you have to do it slowly with lots of scanning ahead of you.

          2. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

            He could always just velcro his phone on the dash, below the view of the camera. It would make him look like he's adjusting his heat or something.

            But he doesn't appear too bright.

            What did the cars looks like afterward, I wonder?

            1. Raven Nation   12 years ago

              Well, the cop was killed...

              1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

                Only one person was killed in that clusterfuck? Wow.

  27. Agammamon   12 years ago

    "Congolese officials say that the M23 rebels in the east of the Democratic Republic of Congo have been defeated.

    Unfortunately the M-80 rebels are still the scourge of middle school toilets across the continent.

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner can finally pass on to Valhalla.

      1. db   12 years ago

        I plan on naming my first son Roland after him, true story. That song is a truly great ballad.

    2. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

      And they are still fresh off their Great Midwestern Mailbox Massacre!

  28. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    so who predicted this?

    Friday's slaying of a Transportation Security Administration officer at Los Angeles International Airport is fueling calls from union leaders to give some of the agency's employees guns, handcuffs and the power to make arrests.

    1. Rich   12 years ago

      Give 'em butt plugs, too!

  29. waffles   12 years ago

    Ebay is considering accepting bitcoins.

    This would be an gigantic market expansion that would spike demand for bitcoin in the most visible way yet. These kinds of rumors are the motor in the bitcoin speculation frenzy going on now.

    Until the Silk Road closure I thought bitcoin was some weird thing for criminals to send money to each other online and for nerds to geekasm over. I couldn't understand it until I had a stake in it. With a single coin in the game I decided to actually learn about cryptocurrency. It really isn't like owning a stock, a dollar, or a bar of gold. It's more like owning a tiny chunk of a new technology for exchanging value. I don't mind if my coin is worth 1 dollar a year from now. I think of it as buying a crash course on future money.

    I guess the bug has bit hard and there are certainly thousands of fanatics out there spinning tales of bitcoin economies. Whatever the case, it is fun to live in this crazy future world of ours. We have more freedom and oppression than ever. Heady times.

  30. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    "flying excrement"

    Nice band name.

    If a certain intestinal obstruction were able to outsmart his password, that would be an appropriate handle.

  31. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Jobless SpongeBob nets fans on right

    "Being unemployed is the best gig I know," SpongeBob's starfish friend, Patrick says, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

    Eschewing the thought of unemployment benefits, SpongeBob says, "Unemployment may be fun for you, but I need to get a job."

    The episode, to air Nov. 11, garnered attention from the the Washington Times as well as the New York Post and Fox News, both of which hailed SpongeBob for immediately returning to the workforce.

    1. waffles   12 years ago

      Surely the most talented fry cook in Bikini Bottom is able to readily find a market for his labor? Can't say the same for a drooling starfish. Unequal opportunity!

  32. Rich   12 years ago

    Could a LASER zap away Alzheimer's

    Maybe. If you can figure out how to move a LASER throughout YOUR BRAIN.

    1. db   12 years ago

      All I needed was the headline text to know it was another retarded med/science article from a British news source.

  33. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

    The new Virginia Postrel book was delivered to my Kindle today!

    One thing I'm digging about Sleepy Hollow are the injections of a little libertarian/Founding Fathers' ideology. Crane got upset in one episode about the tax on donuts and suggested they organize a protest. He said they went to war for a lot less.

  34. nipplemancer   12 years ago

    NM Traffic stop goes horribly wrong

    Eckert's attorney, Shannon Kennedy, said in an interview with KOB that after law enforcement asked him to step out of the vehicle, he appeared to be clenching his buttocks. Law enforcement thought that was probable cause to suspect that Eckert was hiding narcotics in his anal cavity. While officers detained Eckert, they secured a search warrant from a judge that allowed for an anal cavity search.
    The lawsuit claims that Deming Police tried taking Eckert to an emergency room in Deming, but a doctor there refused to perform the anal cavity search citing it was "unethical."
    But physicians at the Gila Regional Medical Center in Silver City agreed to perform the procedure and a few hours later, Eckert was admitted.

    It gets worse

    1. Rich   12 years ago

      Eckert is suing The City of Deming and Deming Police Officers Bobby Orosco, Robert Chavez and Officer Hernandez.

      Eckert is also suing Hidalgo County Hidalgo County Deputies David Arredondo, Robert Rodriguez and Patrick Green.

      Eckert is also suing Deputy District Attorney Daniel Dougherty and the Gila Regional Medical Center including Robert Wilcox, M.D and Okay Odocha, M.D.

      All the defendents now appear to be clenching their buttocks.

      1. Brett L   12 years ago

        Not to worry, I'm sure a bevy of hungry lawyers are about to give them a legal colonoscopy without anesthesia.

    2. SugarFree   12 years ago

      FFS. Three enemas? A colonoscopy? I hope he ends up owning that fucking hospital and the doctors all go to jail for rape.

      1. Zeb   12 years ago

        The fact that the warrant was issued is bad enough. But that they didn't call it quits after an xray, digital exam and one enema is intensely fucked up.

        Seems to me that there ought to be a higher standard of evidence to search inside someone's body than to search their car or something. Especially given how readily judges seem to hand out search warrants.

        1. SugarFree   12 years ago

          There has to be some sort of sanction for the issuing of bad search warrants. Charging cops for perjury if the cause for the search is proven bogus. A judge issuing a dud warrant is prohibited from issuing warrants for a month, and is is part of their legal record. Something.

        2. Agammamon   12 years ago

          Well, according to some of our less bright commenters - the 4th amendment only really protects searches of your *home*.

          1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

            Seriously? Are they illiterate?

            "The right of the people to be secure in their persons..."

            1. Agammamon   12 years ago

              Apparently that doesn't trump officer safety when they want to do a Terry Stop (or any other stop for that matter).

      2. Warty   12 years ago

        Look, you glib fuck, humane drug-search protocols like this are no different than laws against murder. You don't want to make murder legal, do you?

        1. SugarFree   12 years ago

          It's like spinning around in a public park with a blindfold on and spraying an enema out your ass.

          1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

            Humane anal excavation like this is just good police work.

      3. Somalian Road Corporation   12 years ago

        Yeah, between this and that "it's OK for medical professionals to be complicit in torture and ignore the hippocratic oath because these guys aren't ill to begin with" story, it just shows that we already have a crop of eager Mengeles raring and ready to go.

        Also don't forget the x-rays.

        1. Eckert's abdominal area was x-rayed; no narcotics were found.
        2. Doctors then performed an exam of Eckert's anus with their fingers; no narcotics were found.
        3. Doctors performed a second exam of Eckert's anus with their fingers; no narcotics were found.
        4. Doctors penetrated Eckert's anus to insert an enema. Eckert was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers. Eckert watched as doctors searched his stool. No narcotics were found.
        5. Doctors penetrated Eckert's anus to insert an enema a second time. Eckert was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers. Eckert watched as doctors searched his stool. No narcotics were found.
        6. Doctors penetrated Eckert's anus to insert an enema a third time. Eckert was forced to defecate in front of doctors and police officers. Eckert watched as doctors searched his stool. No narcotics were found.
        7. Doctors then x-rayed Eckert again; no narcotics were found.
        8. Doctors prepared Eckert for surgery, sedated him, and then performed a colonoscopy where a scope with a camera was inserted into Eckert's anus, rectum, colon, and large intestines. No narcotics were found.

        1. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

          I can think of an appropriate punishment for the officers and doctors involved.

    3. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

      What the fuck? Having a tight butt is sufficient for a judge to sign off on a warrant?

      1. Rich   12 years ago

        A man with a tight butt raped the judge's grandmother.

        1. db   12 years ago

          "You have a tightness in your buttocks. Someone is looking for you."

    4. Andrew S.   12 years ago

      At least the officers and doctors are going to prison for battery and sexual assault, and the doctors will be losing their medical licenses, right?

      To sleep, perchance to dream.

    5. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

      jeezus - this is a sick & twisted story.

    6. db   12 years ago

      You're just a far-right homophobe with your anti-government-enema rhetoric.

    7. R C Dean   12 years ago

      My advice to our people is that we don't perform searches for police unless the victim/suspect agrees.

      Its not a medical procedure, as it has no clinical purpose, and so we're not going to do it over the objection of the victim/suspect. Full stop.

      1. CatoTheElder   12 years ago

        It is also difficult to get paid for services rendered. The patient is typically disinclined to pay for having been sodomized.

    8. Raston Bot   12 years ago

      You are obviously a homophobe and/or blaming the victim.

  35. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    She's one fine filly! Kate Upton sizzles in a VERY low-cut scarlet frock as she spices up the Emirates tent at the 2013 Melbourne Cup

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/.....e-Cup.html
    She's gonna be a big girl.

    1. SugarFree   12 years ago

      Into every generation there is born an Anna Nicole Smith.

      1. hamilton   12 years ago

        If they get Kate to do the Taarna scene from Heavy Metal then my life will be complete.

        1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

          This. Or at least a live action version of the South Park parody. "Curse your rocking tits!"

  36. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

    Girl dresses as a Boston Marathon victim/survivor for Halloween, is cyberbullied by PC police.

    1. SugarFree   12 years ago

      And someone released nude photos of her. Terrible nipples.

      1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

        She's obviously had at least one boob job.

        And wow, people got vicious over one Halloween costume in arguable taste. Since she lives in MI, maybe she had reason to think he people who saw her wouldn't be so upset. It's not like she marched from Fenway Park to Fanueil Hall.

      2. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

        They seem normal to me, what am I missing?

        1. SugarFree   12 years ago

          Big dark nipples are not a favorite of mine. I think it goes back to this Hawaiian chick I hooked up with. She kept slapping me in the face with her giant boobs. It was not as erotic as you might imagine.

          1. tarran   12 years ago

            She was trying to initiate you in the joys of mammo-erotic asphyxiation, and you blew it man.

            1. SugarFree   12 years ago

              I tried to enjoy it, but it was to motorboating what keelhauling is to water-skiing.

              1. db   12 years ago

                That right there is some quality wordsmithing, Sug.

          2. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

            I went back and looked, a little on the large size, but they are not dinner plates.

            But if you had a bad boob experience in the past, I understand.

            1. Cunctator   12 years ago

              ---"a bad boob experience"---

              I see letters all strung together, but for the life of me, I can't figure out what they mean.

              1. itsnotmeitsyou   12 years ago

                I didn't think such a thing was possible until I dated a girl who was especially well endowed. There comes a point in size where they just become cumbersome and in the way. Motorboating is a bit different when the boobs involved can literally wrap around your head. That woman could have suffocated me between those things.

                It's an odd thing to get slapped in the face by a random boob flop while having sex.

      3. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

        "And someone released nude photos of her."

        Link?

        1. itsnotmeitsyou   12 years ago

          Some dude that reblogged all her photos

    2. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

      Wow, they're aggressively humorless.

      1. Ted S.   12 years ago

        Boston Weak.

        1. TANSTaaFL   12 years ago

          +1 Clam chowdah

      2. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

        Years ago, a hippie-weirdo friend of mine setup a BB gun shooting range at Burning Man. The glued on faces on the cans were the victims of the Columbine shooting. As far as I know, he wasn't strung up on the spot.

        1. hamilton   12 years ago

          You can get away with it when you're part of the elite and call it Art. Regular schmucks get net-shamed and death threats.

          It's all about class.

    3. mr simple   12 years ago

      I knew a guy that dressed up as the collapsed I35W bridge for Halloween right after it happened. No one at the party was offended, which included many Minnesotans, but I guess I mostly hang out with intelligent people. Of course, the fact that this woman was dumb enough to post a picture of her driver's license online didn't help her.

  37. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Island of debris the size of TEXAS from 2011 Japanese tsunami is headed straight for the U.S.

    Part of the over one million tons of debris dispersed in the Pacific, the trash island is located northeast of the Hawaiian Islands
    The first documented tsunami debris to reach California arrived in April 2013
    Boats, a dock, a soccer ball, and motorcycle have all been identified on the West Coast as confirmed tsunami debris

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....t-U-S.html
    That's a lot of trash.

    1. Agammamon   12 years ago

      And like the Great Pacific Garbage Patch there's probably a 1mm square piece of garbage per square meter.

      1. Smilin' Joe Fission   12 years ago

        But it's poisoned with Fukushima RADIATION!!!!

      2. Ted S.   12 years ago

        Texas is a little more than 250K sq. mi., so it's 4 metric tons per 640 acres, or 1/160 of a ton (6250g) per acre. With an acre being a little over 4000 square meters, I get less than 2g/m^2.

        Or have I done the math wrong?

        1. Agammamon   12 years ago

          Nope, but the people who report on and pass on these stories do. If they had done your math they would have realized that there is no story here, same as the panic over the GPGP.

    2. Ted S.   12 years ago

      If I've run the math correctly, it's about 14 lbs of trash per acre.

  38. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Last night I watched Star Trek: Into Darkness?

    The script seems to have been written by a hyperactive 10yo who forgot to take their Ritalin. Action! Action! And wait for it... MORE ACTION!

    1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

      not sure how the extra ? mark got there... I blame Reason!

      1. SugarFree   12 years ago

        More punctuation means more action.

      2. Protagoronus   12 years ago

        can't spell treason without Reason

      3. Agammamon   12 years ago

        not sure how the extra ? mark got there

        A hyperactive 10yo who forgot to take his Ritalin?

        1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

          touche

    2. DJF   12 years ago

      So its the same as the first movie.

      1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

        I kinda liked the first movie *ducks*. In comparison, Into Darkness was just confusing as piss.

        1. Agammamon   12 years ago

          Sigh, I also liked the first move (haven't seen the second, may just rip it some day when I'm *really* bored) - I *shouldn't* like that move, by all of the things I normally judge a movie by its a big ball of dirty tripe, but I still really enjoyed it.

    3. Somalian Road Corporation   12 years ago

      It was yet another film that heavily felt written backwards--they had an idea for a number of action setpieces and visual effects shots, and then attempted to write a script to justify their inclusion rather than having them organically arise as a result of a coherent script.

      JJ Abrams just seems incapable of handling anything at all that runs longer for one season or movie without chugging cough syrup for inspiration and Damon Lindelof is a hack, hack, hack who must have the dirt on somebody. It's the only way his career makes sense to me.

    4. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

      For the worst of the worst, see anything by Akiva Goldsman. That he was allowed to own a word processor after Lost In Space is a cultural travesty.

    5. Rasilio   12 years ago

      Yet it was still a slower pace than The Hobbit

      1. John   12 years ago

        I watched that last night. I didn't think it was bad. I liked it better than I thought I would.

        But it occurred to me, why is it that the Elves are the only ones who ever kick ass? What exactly does Gandolf do? He is supposed to be a divine being of the same sort as Sarum but all seems to do is dispense advice and do the odd party trick.

        1. Fatty Bolger   12 years ago

          Well, he's pretty good with a sword, and can hack up orcs and goblins with the best of them. There isn't a lot of direct magic in the books, though, so don't expect him to fry half an army by waving his wand around. The Istari (wizards) do most of their work through influencing others rather than direct action. They're powerful, but not immortal in body.

          1. Brett L   12 years ago

            "This Gandalf guy would be a lot cooler if he were Merlin"

            -JRRT starting the Lord of the Rings

        2. Agammamon   12 years ago

          Gandalf is one of those annoying writing clich?s - the all-powerful guy who won't do anything because that would take the meaning out of the normal folks struggles.

        3. Marc F Cheney   12 years ago

          But it occurred to me, why is it that the Elves are the only ones who ever kick ass? What exactly does Gandolf do?

          There are zero elves kicking ass in The Hobbit; meanwhile Gandalf fights the goblins alongside the dwarves, starting with a massive explosion.

          So what are you talking about?

          1. Marc F Cheney   12 years ago

            Correction--I do think some elves show up at one point to harry the goblins.

          2. John   12 years ago

            They kick the Orcs ass right before the party gets to Rivendale.

            And Gandolf wields a sword but so what? Anyone can do that.

        4. Rasilio   12 years ago

          " He is supposed to be a divine being of the same sort as Saruman but all seems to do is dispense advice and do the odd party trick.
          "

          Yes, he (along with Saurman and Radgast) are essentially the physical embodiments of what we would call angels. Sauron is also the same type of being but he sided with Melkor, essentially an archangel who rebelled against the divine plan.

          After the other "archangels" came over and overthrew Melkor the remaining archangels withdrew from the world and sent the 5 wizards to Middle Earth to guide the peoples there. They are forbidden from directly using their powers and controling the outcomes or events unless they encounter another supernatural creature (Ringwraith, Balrog, etc.) so that is why you don't see a lot of flashy magic from him.

      2. Somalian Road Corporation   12 years ago

        One thing that really stuck out to me about The Hobbit is that they repeatedly plunge swords into something's chest and draw them back shiny and spotless. It doesn't have to be a gorefest, but the utter bloodlessness with the violence... I don't really get the "showing violence is OK, showing the consequences of violence" line of thought. Throw some black ichor or something on there at least, damn.

        1. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

          Self-cleaning Elven swords. Numenorians borrowed the idea as well.

    6. Fatty Bolger   12 years ago

      Yeah, it was basically just a veneer of Star Trek over a generic non-stop action flick. At the end they basically promise to go back to being Star Trek again - but I'm not sure I believe them.

      For a funny take on the movie, check these out:

      How Star Trek Into Darkness Should Have Ended

      Honest Trailers - Star Trek Into Darkness

  39. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    The red returns! Karen Gillan reveals hair regrowth at Thor premiere... after shaving off locks for film role

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....rowth.html
    Some women can pull off short hair. She isn't one of them.

  40. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Always camera red ?y! Kate Moss turns heads in bright fur coat as she steps out in Paris following photoshoot

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....shoot.html
    Don't care what you guys say. There's one beautiful woman.

  41. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

    Thomas Kinkaide paintings invaded by Imperial Army

  42. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Inside the outrageous world of child cage fighting: Tiny boys who are trained to attack each other in America's baby MMA arenas

    Children's MMA or Pankration is one of the fastest growing sports in the United States with an estimated 3 million kids involved

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....renas.html
    That's messed up.

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      So, safer than golden gloves boxing?

      1. Apatheist ?_??   12 years ago

        Or pop warner football. I don't see what the problem with this is supposed to be.

    2. Ted S.   12 years ago

      Three million kids? That would be about 10% of all the boys from walking age to 18. Somehow I doubt it.

    3. GILMORE   12 years ago

      ""That's messed up.""

      "Tears: Mason "The Beast" Bramlette, 7, cries after receiving a punch

      No its not.

      If presented with the following options =

      1) Young boy goes to school where he gets in fights with bullies, gets headlocked and wedgied, noogies, purple nurples and the like...

      2) Young boy goes to gym after school where he gets headlocked and wedgied, noogies, purple nurples and the like...

      3) Young boy goes to school where teachers tell him 'touching is wrong' and he gets put on drugs for 'overactivity' and 'aggressive tendencies' and has to go to therapy to get re-programmed as a fucking wilted violet...

      I am OK with 1 or 2.

    4. Steve G   12 years ago

      Not really that much of a stretch from basic wrestling if you ask me. My 7-yr-old is about to start his 2nd season. Not a wrestler myself, it's a surreal experience for sure--lots of tears, yelling, etc--but I think it prepares kids for the real world much better than everybody-gets-a-trophy soccer leagues...

  43. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    'I got a facelift at 35': Courtney Love reveals she took the advice of Goldie Hawn in the '90s to go under the knife

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....knife.html
    Freak show!

  44. TANSTaaFL   12 years ago

    Kickstarter project to fund a documentary about how often cops kill dogs and how needless it is. Check it out and consider donating (I am not involved with the project, just hate when pigs kill dogs)

    http://www.kickstarter.com/pro.....ocumentary

    1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

      My first Kickstarter donation!

      1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

        Mine, too.

    2. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

      I wish I could do the $5000 level. I would love to be on IMDB.

      1. Agammamon   12 years ago

        They *do* have a section for adult films.

  45. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

    I got to place my quadrennial vote for a winning candidate. The guy who competently excavated the basement for my house 20 years ago is a township trustee. He is the only winning candidate I've ever voted for on any level, so I always get a little thrill when he's up for re-election.

    1. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

      Oh! And as a bonus, I got to vote against some mental retardation levy. Sweet.

      1. Brett L   12 years ago

        Wait, you guys draft retards? That's messed up.

        1. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

          Somebody's got to work in the monocle factory.

  46. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Can't get her out of our heads! Kylie Minogue treats fans to a sultry pose for every month in her new calendar

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....endar.html
    If only they all could age that well.

    1. Rich   12 years ago

      Who?

      1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

        You don't remember this gem?

        I'll be in my bunk.

  47. Rich   12 years ago

    De-stresssss with an Indonesian snake massage

    "It is a very unique sensation," Tilukay, 31, told AFP, as the snakes slid over him during a recent session, adding the treatment "gives you an adrenaline rush".

    Hey, guys, Valentine's Day is just around the corner.

  48. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

    "Announcing his visit to Tucson for two Nov. 23 presentations, Derek Humphry, a pioneer in the movement for legal assisted suicide, broached this shocking notion: assisted suicide for those suffering from mental illness and unable to get better.

    "The idea, he said, came from his long experience in the movement. As right-to-die advocates have become more visible in their fight to establish physician-assisted-suicide laws, people with mental illness have been increasingly approaching Humphry and others seeking what he called "positive help" ? in other words, assistance in killing themselves.

    "When I spoke to Humphry Friday, he wasn't willing to advocate directly for the idea and said it won't be the thrust of his presentations here, but instead explored how and if it would work.

    ""If ever people wanted to pass laws for the mentally ill," he said, "it would be done most carefully. There would have to be long record of treatment of illness for the individual" before suicide assistance would be permitted."

    http://azstarnet.com/news/loca.....8beac.html

    1. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

      (there should be an ellipsis after the first two paragraphs)

  49. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Happy Guy Fawkes Day!

    1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

      Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
      Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
      I know of no reason
      Why Gunpowder Treason
      Should ever be forgot.
      Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
      To blow up the King and Parliament.
      Three-score barrels of gunpowder below
      To prove old England's overthrow;
      By God's providence he was catch'd
      With a dark lantern and burning match.
      Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.
      Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

    2. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

      The Brits on my Facebook have been remarkable silent about today.

      1. John   12 years ago

        They should be. Fawkes was an asshole who wanted to institute a Catholic dictatorship under the Catholic Princess Elizabeth. I don't understand why he is held up as some kind of anti-authority figure. It is as if 300 years from now people were celebrating Bill Ayers day.

        1. Zeb   12 years ago

          Isn't the day to celebrate his execution?

        2. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

          You can remember the bad people, too, though. Pretty sure Fawkes was a major character in British history. Weird that none of the Brits on my Facebook mentioned the 5th of November (yet).

          1. Zeb   12 years ago

            A lot of people seem to have the actual Fawkes confused with "V for Vendetta".

          2. John   12 years ago

            He really wasn't. It was a failed plot that came too late by a small group of losers. I am not sure why people remember him so well other than the audacity of his attempt and his name sounds cool.

            1. Zeb   12 years ago

              He was enough of a figure that they have a day named for him. Mostly symbolic, of course. Don't fuck with the "legitimate" monarchy.

            2. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

              It's a symbolic subversion of the establishment. The Fawkes mask worn on Nov 5 celebrations is meant to be scary, so that means it represents someone who The Man is afraid of. I don't think it gets much more complicated than that.

          3. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

            On the anniversary of Oliver Cromwell's death, I like to have a moment of silence for the Irish massacred at Drogheda, then I dance around a maypole because he banned it, then I urinate on his effigy.

        3. Warty   12 years ago

          He had a good 'stache.

          1. John   12 years ago

            That is always important.

        4. mr simple   12 years ago

          They remember the day by burning him in effigy. I don't think it's supposed to celebrate him or his endeavors. Guy Fawkes is roundly condemned and detested.

    3. Andrew S.   12 years ago

      Of course, Fawkes wanted to turn England into a theocracy...

    4. Brett L   12 years ago

      Lets go burn us some Catholics!

      1. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

        "Cold is God's way of telling us to burn more Catholics"

  50. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Well, it's time to sign up for insurance.

    The only option I can afford will cost about four hundred a month, and cover one thousand dollars worth of care over the year. Then I'm responsible for the next four thousand dollars worth, before the insurance actually kicks in. I hope I don't get sick.

    1. Andrew S.   12 years ago

      And aren't you glad that you've been given the opportunity to do this? It's for your own good, citizen.

      1. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

        He now has maternity care in the event he is run over by a bus.

    2. John   12 years ago

      Your old policy wasn't insurance. Didn't you hear that?

    3. sarcasmic   12 years ago

      They have a plan that is like regular old insurance, but it costs close to seven hundred a month. I just can't afford it.

    4. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

      $400 a month? That's one fairly nice used car.

      It's been my great plan to leave my current job and consult - once my wife's practice starts to bring in some income - but the fear of entering the insurance market is scaring me off a bit.

      1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

        That's just my share. My employer pays 75% I believe.

        1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

          holy sheeeitt! At least you can be proud to have served your country and keep those poor people from getting back alley surgeries.

        2. Brett L   12 years ago

          Jesus Fucking Christ! Oh, sorry, do you have cancer? $20k/year?!

          1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

            They paid 75% a few years ago, but then the company reorganized, so I don't know anymore.

        3. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

          I was about to say that doesn't sound like the plans I've seen. Family of five with $13K deductible starts at $820 per month (80% coverage AD). That would be to replace my family of 5 with $5K deductible at $560 per month (100% coverage AD).

          Fuck you Barry.

        4. Zeb   12 years ago

          Holy crap. Is that just for you, or for the family?

          1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

            Family.

      2. Fluffy   12 years ago

        Buy a used car?

        Fuck that, you can lease a motherfucking Jaguar for $439 a month.

        1. John   12 years ago

          But then you have to give it back after so many years. I can't do t hat. I like to have personal relationships to my cars. Can't just use them and throw them away.

        2. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

          I wasn't thinking Toyota Camry.

  51. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

    Who will fact-check the fact-checkers?

    "In six separate columns addressing the Obama claim's truthfulness between 2008 and 2012, the Tampa Bay Times' influential fact-checking group [Politifact] did not once correctly label it as false....

    "The first of these six Politifact columns ran Oct. 7, 2008, and evaluated Obama's comment, "[I]f you've got a health care plan that you like, you can keep it." It rated this as "true" since Obama was "accurately describing his [then-proposed] health care plan."...

    "In other words, it was grading him on the basis of "Did he really promise this?" and not the more relevant "Is this a plausible promise?"

    "...[in 2009 Politifact said] "[O]ne of the points of reform is to change the way health care works right now. So we rate Obama's statement Half True."...

    ""Politifact took another swing on June 28, 2012, the same day it was calling Romney a liar. This column reacted to Obama's statement:

    ""If you're one of the more than 250 million Americans who already have health insurance, you will keep your health insurance."

    "...Politifact concluded: "Americans on balance benefit from the law's provisions. We rate Obama's claim Half True.""

    http://washingtonexaminer.com/.....le/2538464

    1. John   12 years ago

      Reality doesn't matter. We are in the post modern world. If you call it a "fact", it is a fact.

      1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

        Information is to be judged not by content, but by the source.

        1. John   12 years ago

          If we set up a website and call it an "exchange" it will magically function and lower everyone's health insurance costs. Its magic thinking all around.

    2. Brett L   12 years ago

      Is there anyone who didn't know Politifact was a DemOp front group?

  52. GILMORE   12 years ago

    A gunman who opened fire at a New Jersey mall last night is dead after shooting himself in the head. No one other than the gunman, identified as Richard Shoop, was killed or injured.

    From the reuters coverage, a bit of Non-Sequitur fact-citing =

    "The Garden State Plaza mall...is one of five large malls in Paramus, located about 20 miles northwest of New York City and known as a key destination for shoppers.

    Two months ago, a group of al Qaeda-linked militants launched an attack on a mall in Nairobi, Kenya, that killed 67 people

    Important take-aways here =

    New Jersey has a Mall.

    Kenya has a Mall.

    The Mall in Kenya is full of dead people.

    Malls.

    Thank you, the end.

    ...

    I was getting kind of a coffee-shop poetry-reading vibe here.

    "Mall. Death. Mall. Abercrombie."

    1. SugarFree   12 years ago

      Syllogisms for Dumbasses is an important journalistic resource.

    2. John   12 years ago

      And the message to every loser Muslim wanna be is "we are really afraid of this happening and your ticket to fame is doing it." Yeah, that will help.

  53. John   12 years ago

    http://online.wsj.com/news/art.....1453111326

    Liberals go after cancer patient who lost her doctor. Remember, they care so much.

  54. Ken Shultz   12 years ago

    "Ebay is considering accepting bitcoins."

    If the government--with all the geniuses that run it--couldn't roll out a simple exchange website properly, how does eBay know if this is even possible?

    Actually, isn't Ebay's website already a lot more complicated than anything the ObamaCare exchanges were supposed to do?

    They're tracking millions of auctions every day in real time--PayPal crediting and debiting the correct accounts in real time! Then they send the packages to the right people, and all those people can track their packages in real time on some package delivery website, too.

    If the government--with all the incompetent people that run it--couldn't roll out a simple exchange website properly, why the #$%& would we trust them to do anything unless we had to?

    1. John   12 years ago

      Ebay arose organically over a period of years. It didn't start out this big. And EBay is self contained not having to rely on other people's legacy systems.

      1. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

        Obviously a failure of the free market.

        1. John   12 years ago

          Clearly. But it shows how stupid people in government are. They look at something like E-Bay and think it was just built in a few months and was immediately as it is today. Hey, they did this with EBay, why can't we? They have no understanding of the work and competence it took to create Ebay as we know it. They just know the buzzwords and the final result.

  55. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    I hope I don't get sick.

    Hoarder.

    Wrecker.

    HATER.

    1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

      It's funny how they're essentially saying that about the TEAM RED opposition to Obamacare. They are almost literally mouthing Stalinist talking points.

      1. Somalian Road Corporation   12 years ago

        As somebody who's read quite a bit of Soviet history, the recent parallels have been robbing me of rest for quite some time.

  56. Mike Laursen   12 years ago

    Maybe all of Obama's speeches about health care should be followed by a disclaimer like in the prescription drug commercials.

    1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

      "May cause rectal bleeding, an urge to start a fig farm, deathly flatulence, and curbside parking."

    2. Rich   12 years ago

      "If you are allergic to Democratcare or any of its proponents, stop using it and seek help."

    3. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

      Like Happy Fun Ball?

  57. Fatty Bolger   12 years ago

    Uniting the Right

    Anyone who pays attention to politics can see that when Democrats attack, they speak from the same text, and when they vote, they march in lockstep. If one Democrat says the wealthy must pay their "fair share," all Democrats do ? regardless of the merits of the charge. If their leaders say Republicans want to shut down the government in order to deny Americans affordable care, the rest of the party will follow their lead ? whether the claim is true or not. When a key program like Obamacare is the issue, not only do Democrats back it with one voice, but every player on the political left ? journalists, professors, talk-show hosts, union heads, MoveOn radicals, and Occupy anarchists ? falls into line and promotes it with virtually identical words. They act in "solidarity" in fair political weather and foul, and they do it even for a program like Obamacare, which (as some of them must surely see) is ill-conceived, falsely presented, incompetently executed, and fiscally unsustainable.

    Interesting article by David Horowitz. I've seen a lot of the same points made about the Democrat/progressive movement here in H&R comments. Less convincing is his solution, and the article goes off the rails near the end. Still, I find myself looking at progressive behavior a little differently after reading this.

    1. John   12 years ago

      It is both their greatest strength and fatal weakness. Since they are so unified and only hold their own responsible for the sin of going against the party, they are very effective getting power but totally inept in wielding it. They are incapable of admitting fault or rethinking their approach to anything. That means they will defend any program, no matter how bad to the death.

      This is why I don't believe they will ever use Obamacare as a justification for single payer. To do that means admitting something they did was a failure. And that is not something they do.

      1. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

        We've already heard the "we tried the Republican approach and it failed!!!" argument. So they're perfectly capable of being that shameless.

        1. John   12 years ago

          Some are. But most won't be. Most will never admit that the program is anything but wonderful. Look at how they defend public schools or welfare. Facts don't matter.

  58. John   12 years ago

    When Obama claims your old plan was "junk," he's not leveling with you. Your health plan wasn't canceled out of some kind of concern that you are insufficiently insured. Rather, you simply must pay more ? and get less ? to make Obamacare's finances work.

    Rather than prioritize federal or state government budgets to subsidize those with pre-existing conditions ? treating them as the rare special cases they are ? Obama chose to finance their care by making you pay more into the system and get less out of it whenever you eventually become sick. Someone out there is benefiting from Obamacare. It just isn't you.

    Middle-income cancellation victims are the Affordable Care Act's first cash cow. Their insurance will now be less affordable and of lower quality - or to use the common phrase, "junk."

    http://washingtonexaminer.com/.....Bw.twitter

    1. John   12 years ago

      Rather than just raise taxes on a small number of people or borrow money and then just hand out checks to those with pre-existing conditions, like a proper welfare program, Obamacare funds the care of those with pre-existing conditions by screwing everyone with insurance.

      This is why it will never be popular like other welfare programs. The people paying for it understand that they are paying for it. Worst still, even the benefit from it won't benefit forever. Eventually those pre-existing conditions will either go away or kill the person. When they go away, the beneficiary will be stuck over paying for crappy insurance just like everyone else.

      Welfare is like crack because the people who get it get dependent on it. But you can't get dependent on "coverage for pre-existing conditions" unless your condition never ends, which pretty rare.

  59. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    "Some people exposed to this message may experience excruciating headaches, backaches, impotence, self-inflicted stabbing of the ears or eyes, nervous exhaustion, speaking in tongues, or intense anal discomfort. In some rare cases, an intense urge to call for the impeachment of the President may occur; if this persists, seek professional relief at the nearest suicide booth police station."

  60. John   12 years ago

    This is awesome.

    I have been told that being hard on you Millennials will turn you against conservatism, that I should offer you a positive, hopeful message that avoids the touchy problem of your manifest stupidity.

    No. There's no sugar-coating it ? your votes for Democrats have ensured that you are the first generation in American history that will fail to exceed what their parents attained. Embracing liberalism was a stupid thing to do, done for the stupidest of reasons, and I will now let you subsidize my affluent lifestyle without a shred of guilt.

    1. John   12 years ago

      I'm a 48 year old trial lawyer living on the coast in California ? I should have "Hope and Change" tattooed on my glutes. I'd have an excuse to be lib-curious, but you Millennials? Why do you support an ideology that pillages you to pay-off Democrat constituencies? Your time in the indoctrination factories of academia trained you in a form of "critical thinking" that is neither. Somehow, you came to embrace the bizarre notion that conservatives are psychotic Jesus freaks who want to Footloosisze America into a land of mandatory Sunday school and no dancing.

      But liberals, in contrast, are nice. Obama is cool. You chose petty fascism with a smile. Not a lot of thought went into it. Facts, evidence -- these were mere distractions from the feelings-based validation that came from rejecting us wicked conservatives.

      What did you get? The chance to be forced to buy health insurance you don't want at inflated rates so my rates can be lower. You get to pay more out of your monthly barista take -- liberalism ensured that the tanked job market foreclosed a real career -- so that I get to pay less out of my lawyer checks. Thanks, suckers.

      http://townhall.com/columnists.....m-n1733722

      1. Somalian Road Corporation   12 years ago

        Somehow, you came to embrace the bizarre notion that conservatives are psychotic Jesus freaks who want to Footloosisze America into a land of mandatory Sunday school and no dancing.

        This delusion is hardly unique to American-born idiots. Elsewhere online a bit back I was greatly amused by a conversation in which a gay Danish Marxist was going on about how he'd feel safer in Saudi Arabia than Alabama. He was quite earnest about it.

        Now, I've not been to the Middle East myself, but a number of my relatives and friends have worked in the UAE and Saudi Arabia, and from what they've told me this guy would probably be screaming: "No! Wait! Stop! I hate America too!" as he's getting his skull caved in.

        1. John   12 years ago

          Elsewhere online a bit back I was greatly amused by a conversation in which a gay Danish Marxist was going on about how he'd feel safer in Saudi Arabia than Alabama

          That could be true, depending on who you are. Since in Saudi Arabia they cut your hand off for stealing, grant their citizens virtually no civil rights or due process rights and routinely behead people, ordinary street crime is pretty much unknown. So assuming you are a man and have VISA and don't do anything stupid like read a Bible or something, you actually are quite safe. If you are a woman, however, not so much unless you plan to dress in a full burka and be escorted by a man in your family pretty much all of the time. If you don't do that, some asshole religious cop (yes they have them in addition to ordinary cops) will come and beat the shit out of you with a large stick.

          1. CatoTheElder   12 years ago

            A gay Marxist could be safe in Saudi Arabia, but only if he kept his gayness and his Marxism in the closet. Both sodomy and profession of atheism are capital crimes in KSA.

            Women are seriously oppressed in KSA, but not quite as bad as you describe, at least in the parts where I lived on the economy for six years. The dress code mandated a full-length dress for all, but the mutawa didn't strike a woman for not wearing a full burqa. http://i1.trekearth.com/photos....._burka.jpg Many Saudi women, in fact, wear abaya. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_iqp2.....abayas.jpg When I lived there in the 70s and 80s, most Western women would just wear long dresses and not bother with the abaya. If a woman's attire revealed any more than face and hands, however, the mutawa would express their displeasure with a switch rather than a beating with a large stick. Lately, though, it seems more Western women tend to wear the abaya. The full burqa is fairly uncommon for Western women unless they made the (usually) huge mistake of marrying a Saudi.

            1. CatoTheElder   12 years ago

              I've only knew one women in six years over there who was switched by the mutawa for her attire, but that's bad enough. I certainly prefer living in the US to Saudi Arabia. However, I never heard of anyone who got anally assaulted by LEOs and their medical accomplices like the guy in New Mexico. I did know a guy who got arrested for pot in KSA and spent a couple of months in prison awaiting trial. He ended up with a not guilty verdict and reported no gross abuse by Saudi LEOs and jailers. Americans need to right their own house before they dash about fixing everybody else's.

    2. Apatheist ?_??   12 years ago

      Millennial turn out was barely over 40% in the last election. Less than a third of us voted for Obama.

      1. John   12 years ago

        True. But how much influence do the young have over the culture? I suppose the ultimate failure of millennials is not supporting Obama, it is their failure to develop a unique political culture to counter the existing and ever present boomer liberal one. Why didn't the millennials give the finger to the Boomers ideology and rules the way the Boomers did to their parents? Instead, they copied it and continued on with the same cultural assumptions their parents had.

        1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

          The Boomers' parents were educated in, by and large, an environment devoid of politics. There was stuff about good citizenship, but other than a vague statist conservatism (in the broader sense), it was not politically charged.

          The Boomers' chose to equate that cultural conservatism as its direct political equivalent, and rebel against it. Part of that rebellion was inculcating political values (those view as the opposite of their parents) far more directly into school curricula. Gen X, Y & Millenials have had much more direct propaganda thrown at us in our lives.

        2. Apatheist ?_??   12 years ago

          The boomers saw their parents expand a welfare system for the elderly that their grandparents created. Now the boomers are expanding it further and preventing any fixes. Seems to me they turned out just the same. The older and relatively wealthy are the biggest welfare queens in the country and they are protecting the biggest and and getting bigger part of the budget.

          There's some generational collectivism for you.

  61. John   12 years ago

    Peggy Noonan goes full on RACIST!!

    Maybe they could even call in some people from the White House and Congress, the ones who helped write and interpret this famous law that you had to pass before you could know what was in it, and ask: "Did you ever meet a normal human? Did you understand what you were doing when you produced this thing?"

    Maybe they could even ask the president: "In your entire life, from community organizer to lawyer to politician, did you ever buy an insurance policy? Were you always on your wife's plan, or immediately put on a plush government plan? Did you ever have to do anything like what you're telling the people of your country to do?"

    http://blogs.wsj.com/peggynoon.....c-victory/

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      I wish she would go full on into retirement. I put her squarely in the group of "reasonable" people responsible for this shit.

      1. John   12 years ago

        Me too. But I don't want her to retire. Her tears and shock are just too enjoyable.

  62. GILMORE   12 years ago

    FILE UNDER = "WORST NEW TERM I NEVER KNEW EXISTED FOR A GOVERNMENT COMMITTEE"

    http://news.yahoo.com/senators.....itics.html

    "Medicare chief Marilyn Tavenner will go before the Health, Education, Labor and Pensions, or HELP committee..."

    EXPLOSIVE UNCONTROLLABLE VOMITING WILL NOT STOP NOW

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      NICE will be along shortly to scientifically sort this out.

  63. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    "We're from the government, and we're here to HELP you."

    1. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

      Special Committee on Retirement, Education and Welfare

  64. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Am I the only one who read "Obama Twerks" and then threw up a little?

  65. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

    Jonah Goldberg piles on - plus bonus WWII comment bait!

    "Many of the president's supporters are in barely concealed panic over the fact that he didn't tell the truth when he was selling the Affordable Care Act.

    "...[the health-care lie would be] like a car salesman promising a great price on a new vehicle if you trade in your old one, while still promising you can keep your old car.

    "This simple fact of logic is causing many liberals to flee for what they believe are rhetorical safe harbors.

    "...If a landlord promises you can keep your dog when you move into an apartment, but then after you sign the lease he takes your dog and replaces it with a stuffed one, he wasn't telling you the truth. The landlord's view that the new dog is better ("No mess! No noise!") is utterly irrelevant to the question of whether the landlord lied ? and it doesn't make you a fool for preferring your old dog, either....

    "Do they really want to say it's OK for presidents to lie if it is for a good cause? Surely, some presidential lies are painfully necessary. (Franklin Rooevelt lied quite a bit in the lead up to World War II.) But Obama's lies (including his promises that the Affordable Care Act would "bend the cost curve" down and that the average family would save $2,500 a year in health care costs) were in the service of partisan legislation that has never been popular."

    http://www.usatoday.com/story/.....n/3442423/

    1. John   12 years ago

      WE took your poodle and gave you a German Shepherd. Now you have bonus guard dog and herding coverage!!

      1. Agammamon   12 years ago

        Oh yeah, we're going to have to raise your rent to cover the cost of providing the German Shepherd.

      2. Swiss Servator, Sail Genfersee   12 years ago

        Try not to mind the enormous piles of dog crap and the massive food bills!

    2. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

      Ummm, WWII comment bait? Hello?

      "Surely, some presidential lies are painfully necessary. (Franklin Rooevelt lied quite a bit in the lead up to World War II.)"

      1. John   12 years ago

        You forgot to mention Lincoln and thus lighting the Liberty Mike signal.

        1. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

          What do you think of the new movie *I Was Lincoln's Pizza Delivery Gus* and controversial scene where Lincoln orders deep dish Chicago pizza?

          1. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

            Can't even do a joke right - pizza delivery *guy.*

            Whose name was Gus.

    3. Redmanfms   12 years ago

      "...[the health-care lie would be] like a car salesman promising a great price on a new vehicle if you trade in your old one, while still promising you can keep your old car.

      You didn't order the Metallic Pea?

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