Tim Cook Tells Senate Apple Pays All The Taxes It Owes

Senate subcommittee targeting Apple for "tax avoidance"


farcical not in government dictionaries
Reason 24/7

Apple CEO Tim Cook was hauled before a Senate subcommittee targeting "tax avoidance," of which Apple was accused by Michigan Senator Carl Levin (D), the subcommittee chair.

From the LA Times:

Apple Inc. Chief Executive Tim Cook strongly defended the company's tax practices Tuesday at a Senate hearing highlighting the technology giant's use of Irish subsidiaries to shelter billions of dollars in income from U.S. taxes.

"We pay all the taxes we owe — every single dollar," Cook told the Senate's Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations.

"We not only comply with the laws but we comply with the spirit of the laws," he said. "We don't depend on tax gimmicks."

Cook said the tax code "has not kept up with the digital age" and restricts the free movement of capital in comparison to the codes of other countries. He called for a "dramatic simplification of the corporate tax code," including lower tax rates and a "reasonable tax on foreign earnings."

Cook says Apple's proud to be an American company. Levin was also among the Senate Democrats who pressed the IRS to investigative conservative tax-exempt group, for which it is now under scrutiny.

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  1. We pay what we owe and, by the way, you take too fucking much. Isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

    1. bl0wj0b

      1. Apple has lots of money. They should’ve hired Tim Matheson and, well, the rest is obvious.

    2. *humming National Anthem*

  2. We not only comply with the laws but we comply with the spirit of the laws

    No you don’t, the “spirit” of tax law is to steal as much as possible from everyone. So stop kissing the government’s ass and just tell those fucking parasites off.

    1. Yeah, definitely should’ve left off that part.

    2. I think that was an intentional dig. The spirit of the tax laws is special favors for special groups, so Apple has made sure they were part of those groups.

    3. He’s smart to have done that, since he has a very nice company, and it would be a shame if something were to happen to it.

      1. Cause things break, don’t they Colonel. And me brother, he’s clumsy sometimes..

  3. “Money goes where it is welcome. If you want more money to be earned in the United States?make profit welcome here. Until that time arrives, count me out of any government dog and pony shows that badger business. If our elected officials are going to bully successful American business, then I want no part of it.…

    Oh Rand, you sure do know the key to may heart.

    1. I’m not quite sure why, but that story seems vaguely familiar.

      1. Oh fuck, am I expected to SCROLL?

    2. Rand Fuckin’s Paul, ladies and gentlemen.

  4. Zombie parasite wants moar brainz.

  5. Aw come on! They’re rich! They’re sitting on tons of cash! And they’re rich! And they’re making profits! Obscene profits! And they’re rich!

    How can they be so filthy rich and be sitting on all that cash? It’s not fair!

    Obviously they have not paid their fair share! They’re rich!

    1. I guess people must really believe that rich people are literally sitting on piles of cash and not owning parts of lots of productive companies that employ people and create wealth.

      1. Even this is irrelevant when breaking down that line of thinking. So lets say he IS sitting on an actual Scrooge McDuck pile of cash…in a new building…guarded by blue collar workers…monitored by security cameras made in Georgia…on grounds that are manicured by gardeners…and discussed by his rich buddies while on his yacht made in Newport…drinking Schamsburg bubbly from Napa…while lounging on his deck furniture bought in the states. BUT HEY, he is rich.

        1. That’s certainly true. And I think people can do whatever they want with their money. But with the Scrooge McDuck money bin, someone can still accurately say that the money could be doing some good out in the world but isn’t. When it’s invested, the money is out doing some good in the world. Now I just need to convince more people that capitalism has done more good for more people than all the altruism in the world ever has.

      2. Most people do not understand the difference between money and wealth.

        By their reasoning if I were to sell all my possessions except the clothes on my back and a suitcase, into which I put all the money from the sale of my possessions, I’d be rich!

  6. Why can’t these troublesome money-making companies just nut up and agree that their money just belongs to Congress by default? Life would be a whole lot easier.

    1. Why do we say nut up or grow a pair to mean get tough. Testicles aren’t tough. We should say, grow a vagina, now those things can take a pounding, amirite.

  7. Oh, yeah, been meaning to write this open letter for a few months now:

    Dear Apple,

    Steve Jobs is no longer running your company. In a few weeks, Democrats (government in general) and the Media will start treating you like Microsoft.

    That is all.

    I’m sorry I didn’t send this out earlier so you might feel a little… blindsided.

    1. Well, sort of. Apple still has the fact going for it that the idiots have no where else to go, since they put all their eggs in Apple’s basket. What are they gonna do, start using Linux and a Zune?

      1. I noticed that almost immediately after Jobs’ death, Apple started getting more scrutiny in the media over its business practices, outsourcing, tax avoision (thanks, Hugh) and other things that it seemed the MSM were largely silent on, in regards to Apple.

        I think I know why.

        1. Jobs knew who to grease, that’s for sure.

        2. uhhh he supported Bradley…kinda awesome.

      2. I use Red Hat and Debian daily…Darwin is ALMOST exactly the same. Better in some ways and worse in others. Once you get the funky directory structure all is good, AND Darwin actually comes standard with almost everything while Red is basically naked. Debian is in-between.

  8. Avoision. It’s a word. look it up.

    1. I have an avoision to daytime TV.

    2. It actually is. For once, Hugh isn’t lying through his teeth. I never thought I’d see the day.

      1. Is this one of those words that is only a word because someone in pop culture (Simpsons, I believe) made it up to be funny and it caught on?

          1. Stick with the Meme, Pro L…

            “It’s not a woid.”

            1. Ah, I accept coirection.

        1. It’s a perfectly cromulent word.

          1. May I extend my sincerest contrafibularities?

        1. Oh a wise guy, eh?

      1. Chowderhead

        1. CHOWDAH!

  9. Coming home from work last night in traffic, there was a stern looking soccer mom driving a Saturn wagon, riding the ass of my car. She eventually got around me when there was an open lane, generally driving like a lunatic asshole, and taped to the inside of her back window was:

    MAKE THE RICH PAY MORE TAXES$$$!!! (Yes, it had dollar signs at the end.)

    It looked like something she printed off on her printer at home. I, for one, was persuaded by her cogent argument.

    1. What was the typeface she used?

      1. I want to say Comic Sans, but it could have been Evil Fascist Bitch.

        1. Is that a sans serif, then?

          1. Oh, no. Fascism is clearly a serif font. Very pointy.

            1. Interesting that Apple’s “official” font through the years has been Helvetica, a sans serif. And Microsoft’s has been Arial, also a sans serif. What does this mean?

              1. My official font is Omar Serif.

                1. + 1 Julie Christy

              2. That sans serif fonts are easier to look at?

              3. Not sure what you mean by their “official” font. For a long time they used a lot of Garamond in marketing materials. Now they use Myriad. The keyboards use VAG Rounded, but before that Univers 57. OS X interface elements use Lucida Grande. Helvetica or Helvetica Neue is used in iOS and in some small text in marketing materials.

                1. You know nothing of typefaces.

              4. Apple’s “official” font used to be Chicago, if I recall insanely.

              1. It’s a cookbook!!!

                1. Revenge is a dish best serifed bold. Wait, serifed is a word?

      2. Please be Wingdings, please be Wingdings…

    2. It has been scientifically proven that people with bumper stickers are assholes.…..e-drivers/

      1. That was the odd thing. Normally, you would expect at least one OBAMA sticker on the car, but it was otherwise free of bumper stickers.

      2. Well if you have a bumper sticker you have to get in front of everyone you can in order to spread your message. It wouldn’t be good to have other drivers trying to read your stickers off to their sides or behind them.

  10. “Fuck off, slavers” or “No, fuck you, cut spending” more appropriate here?

      1. Sounds good – “No, fuck off you slavers, cut spending!”

  11. Apple’s opening statement should have been “We’re not sure why we’re here, but I guess we can answer your questions if you keep them brief and to the point.”

    This might be the first hearing to investigate why someone is obeying the law.

    1. They should’ve plead a fifth. . .of bourbon. I mean, sit there and drink the bottle down, all while noting that the economy is in trouble, and Apple wants to help make us all a little richer when the government is done fucking around.

      Fuck the Senate and the left for making me defend a company I don’t much care for, anyway.

      1. One of us, one of us.

        1. I didn’t want to join this fucking cult. How do I get out?

          1. As I indicated above, Steve Jobs, no longer at helm. The air is hissing out of the cult baloon at breakneck pace.

            Imagine the Obama administration transitioning to the Biden administration.

            1. Oh, good, that’s a relief. I look terrible in cult uniforms.

          2. Take your iPad to Mordor and throw it into Mount Doom.

            1. Where is Mordor? Somewhere in Europe? I’m not clear on Tolkienian geography.

                1. The island in the English Channel? Really.

              1. Well, if Middle Earth is meant to correspond to Europe, and the Shire is Brittain, then Mordor should be somewhere in the Balkans, I think.

                1. If I recall correctly, the Southrons, who were kind of swarthy and Semiticish, came from the southeast of Mordor. So it should be somewhere west of Turkey, I guess.

                2. If you put Bag End in London, Isengard ends up being around Paris. Which would put My Doom somewhere around Berne or Zurich. Which makes perfect sense if you think about it.

                  1. Switzerland is Mordor? I mean, I guess it’s surrounded by mountains kind of. Seems not very evil, though.

                    1. Try working for a Swiss company shudder.

                    2. Because you keep swallowing the unvarnished elven and hobbit propaganda.

                    3. Oh, Il?vatar, not another apologist for Morgoth.

      2. I hope I live long enough to see a captain of industry finally respond to a congressional subpoena, by sitting down at the witness table, rip them all new assholes, flip them off and finally moon them with a wet fart.

        1. In a free society, why should anyone have to show up? Seriously, by what authority can Congress compel you to attend a hearing? Especially when you’ve done nothing illegal?

          1. “In a free society, why should anyone have to show up? Seriously, by what authority can Congress compel you to attend a hearing? Especially when you’ve done nothing illegal?”

            Make that FOUR more reasons to fear the IRS.

        2. I believe there was a story about a captain of industry telling Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Push coalition to pound sand when they tried their standard extortion scheme on him. I mean, FWIW.

          1. Paul.| 5.21.13 @ 3:35PM |#
            “I believe there was a story about a captain of industry telling Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow Push coalition to pound sand when they tried their standard extortion scheme on him. I mean, FWIW.”

            Jackson does work the market; he makes sure his protection racket cost just this amount less than his lies would cost the PR department.
            Sleazy? You bet!

        3. Google’s public image was never the same after they hired Strong Belwas as CEO.

          1. You know, CEOs are often little more than figureheads. So why not hire an actor? I’d like Brian Blessed with full-ham powers on. Or the Walken.


              1. That’s not the first role I think of with him, but it’s apt enough.

                1. That would be the entirely of my Congressional testimony.

                  1. Maybe with the occasional: “DISPATCH WAR ROCKET AJAX TO BRING BACK HIS BODY!”

                    1. OPEN FIRE, ALL WEAPONS!

    2. Toss an iPhone on the table, tell the Senators to ask Siri and walk away.

  12. “He called for a “dramatic simplification of the corporate tax code,” including lower tax rates and a “reasonable tax on foreign earnings.”

    Here’s a suggestion…simplify the corporate tax by eliminating it, and tax foreign earnings at the reasonable rate of 0%.

      1. And no more soulless corporations evading the IRS and stashing their obscene profits overseas again!

    1. That’ll raise zero… carry the zero… zero dollars in tax revenue. Think of the savings!

      1. It’s not like they need the revenue. Most of the money they spend is based on future revenues and inflating the dollar.

    2. This also means the IRS would no longer get to decide which organizations can be non-profits.

  13. The proper response to this farce would be “Of course we practice tax avoidance. Who doesn’t? If you want our practices to be illegal, then change the law. Also, fuck off slaver.”

    This response should be delivered via phone to the congressional aide who calls you when you fail to show up to the farcical hearing.

  14. This is choice: Jobs was a hardcore lefty, as is probably most of Apple. These people are not freedom and liberty, small government types.

    But still they do all they can to protect their private property.


    1. AlgerHiss| 5.21.13 @ 3:35PM |#
      “This is choice: Jobs was a hardcore lefty,…”

      Nope, he was a hard-core hypocrite. He was selfish to the point of caricature, but still claimed to support lefty politics.

    2. Jobs was a hardcore lefty,

      Not hardly. Look up what he had to say about teachers’ unions.


  15. Looks like Apple is playing Lando to the government’s Vader.

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