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Politics

Holder Not Sure How Many Journalists' Records DOJ Grabbed, White House Pushes for Press Shield Law, Breakthrough in Stem Cell Research: P.M. Links

Scott Shackford | 5.15.2013 4:30 PM

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  • "The buck stops before it gets to me."
    Credit: Talk Radio News Service / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

    Eric Holder told the House Judiciary Committee today that he didn't formally recuse himself from the Associated Press leak hunt in writing, which seems problematic. He also apparently has absolutely no idea how many call records the Department of Justice has snagged from journalists.

  • The White House has asked Sen. Chuck Schumer to reintroduce a press shield law. If they're referring to the last proposed version of the legislation, it has a huge exemption for national security that probably would have been invoked in the Associated Press case anyway.
  • Anthony Weiner has reportedly hired a campaign manager, making it all the more likely there will be a lot of thinly veiled penis jokes during the race for mayor of New York.
  • Human embryonic stem cells have been cloned by an international research team, potentially a significant scientific advancement.
  • Another baker, this one in Mount Hood, Ore., is refusing to sell a wedding cake to a same-sex couple.
  • The Los Angeles Unified School District has ordered schools to stop suspending students for being "defiant" (whatever that means) and to pursue alternative forms of discipline.

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NEXT: Home Brewers Battles Against Restrictive Regulations

Scott Shackford is a policy research editor at Reason Foundation.

Politics
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  1. A Serious Man   12 years ago

    Eric Holder told the House Judiciary Committee today that he didn't formally recuse himself from the Associated Press leak hunt in writing, which seems problematic. He also apparently has absolutely no idea how many call records the Department of Justice has snagged from journalists.

    WHAT DIFFERENCE AT THIS POINT DOES IT MAKE?

    1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

      ARE YOU SERIOUS?

      1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

        THE ERA OF BIG GOVERNMENT IS OVER!

        1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

          NO! FUCK YOU! CUT SPENDING!

          1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

            GOVERNMENT [IS] NOTHING MORE THAN SOME SEPARATE, SINISTER ENTITY THAT'S AT THE ROOT OF ALL OUR PROBLEMS!

            1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

              I THINK WE ARE ABOUT TO HIT THE WALL. WE HAVE TO PASS IT TO FIND OUT WHAT'S IN IT!

              1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

                ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

        2. PapayaSF   12 years ago

          And we have entered the period of Vast Government.

    2. PapayaSF   12 years ago

      I hadn't noticed this detail before:

      "It was a very large number of records that were obtained, including phone records from Hartford, New York, Washington, from the U.S. House of Representatives and elsewhere where AP has bureaus...."

      WTF?

  2. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    Eric Holder told the House Judiciary Committee today that he didn't formally recuse himself from the Associated Press leak hunt in writing...

    He looked in the mirror and chanted it three times.

    1. Michael S. Langston   12 years ago

      It was a cope out - I mean I get the normal "someone else did it" meme - and certainly it can be true, but he well knew he was being asked to testify to congress to specifically discuss these issues.

      To show up and say "I'm not sure why it looks like it's wrong as I don't know why they did it. But there are exceptions and I trust they did the right thing."

      Really? Trust?

      How would anyone trust your staff when you, the person in charge, cannot be trusted to even be nominally prepared for questions that everyone paying attention knew were coming?

      1. Paul.   12 years ago

        It was a cope out

        I see what you did there.

  3. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    Anthony Weiner has reportedly hired a campaign manager...

    Too bad he didn't hire Peter King.

    1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

      Get it? Peter King? Peter "King".

    2. Paul.   12 years ago

      What about Dick Morris?

      1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

        I think you meant Dick Armey.

  4. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    Another baker, this one in Mount Hood, Ore., is refusing to sell a wedding cake to a same-sex couple.

    The couple then shopped around for another baker?

    1. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

      How many bakers can one Mountain possibly support.

      I've watches mountain men, not exactly a teeming metropolis.

      1. prolefeed   12 years ago

        Quite a few, according to Yelp:

        http://www.yelp.com/search?fin.....t+Hood,+OR

        But, hey, going somewhere else might have meant driving another 10 miles or so. The horror!

        1. Generic Stranger   12 years ago

          And it's not too far from Portland (maybe a 90 minute drive), so if they couldn't find one locally they probably could have found someone who fucking specializes in same-sex marriages.

    2. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

      No, instead they celebrated their "victimhood".

      1. $park?   12 years ago

        That usually starts with shouting "JACKPOT," right?

        1. Paul.   12 years ago

          No, it ends with shouting "Jackpot!".

          Step one: Call Gloria Alred.

          Step two: Ka-ching.

          1. RBS   12 years ago

            Call Gloria Alred.

            How has she not been disbarred yet?

      2. NeonCat   12 years ago

        Think of the money they'd save by forming an angry mob instead of having a reception.

      3. SugarFree   12 years ago

        It's victimhood all around. "Help, help! I hate faggots so much I won't do business with them! Their filthy buttsecks money is no good here!"

        Public accommodation laws need to go, but I find it hard to care about a bunch of petty fucking cry-babies that hate a group of people so much they won't take their money for a damn cake.

        Gay couple needs to find another baker; Baker needs get his or her head out of their ass.

        1. JW   12 years ago

          Say, have I shown you my collection of poxes?

          1. $park?   12 years ago

            That sounds like a cool, and very marketable, new product. Pox in a Box!

            1. gaijin   12 years ago

              Pox in a Box!

              crack whore?

        2. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

          While from a business sense I dislike any business that turns away business for reasons I consider nonsensical, that part of it is none of my business. Punishing that by law is, for me, far greater than the petty bigotry or personal conviction or martyrdom of the baker.

          1. SugarFree   12 years ago

            I am against punishing them by law. I just think they are whiny little fucksticks that should be laughed at, loudly and at some length.

            1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

              By all means, carry on. However, it's possible they gain business from this. In which case, I will have no choice but to applaud it as I am, first and foremost, pro-growth and profit-oriented.

              1. jesse.in.mb   12 years ago

                it's possible they gain business from this

                Chik-fil-A did really well on 'Chik-fil-A appreciation day'. People stood in line for hours to have some fast food. There were people with bullhorns, the local crazy with his crazy truck drove by to applaud the revelers. My office building loosely shares a parking lot with a Chik-fil-A, it was not a pleasant day for us.

                I agree with CPA, they should've used review sites, given them 1 star and said "was not served for being gay" and left it that. Enough to stop people who find the behavior offensive from going there, not enough to gin up controversy and attract new clients.

            2. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

              Eh, leave them a bad google review and move on.

            3. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

              I hear you, but this is a dangerous road. What if someone named, say, Dolf Hilter, ordered a cake in red and black with a traditional swastika? From, let us conjecture, a Jewish bakery?

              Should the baker be compelled to bake the cake? Why not, if it's okay to compel other bakers to sell cakes to gays?

              And no, I'm not comparing gays with Nazis. But Nazis are the go-to guys for speech cases, so I wanted to jump ahead.

              1. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

                Gay Nazis?

                1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

                  Pro Lib just Gaywinned the thread.

                2. jesse.in.mb   12 years ago

                  Gay Nazis?

                  Clearly you haven't read your copy of The Pink Swastika by professional asshole Scott Lively.

                  1. Archduke Pantsfan   12 years ago

                    GAY NAZIS?

                    WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS

                    1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

                      No, no, no, not gay Nazis. Just plain Nazis. Actually, not even Nazis. Hitler.

                      Hitler orders a birthday cake with Nazi stuff on it for his birthday. To be shipped to Argentina. The bakery refuses the order based on him being Hitler. Legal?

        3. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

          Well, it's not like they are refusing to bake them a birthday cake because they happen to be gay. They are refusing to bake them a cake to be used specifically in a gay wedding.

          1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

            They are refusing to bake them a cake to be used specifically in a gay wedding.

            No, they're not, because Oregon doesn't recognize same-sex marriage. They are refusing to bake them a cake to be used for a gay couple's party.

          2. SugarFree   12 years ago

            Who gets a cake for a gay wedding other than gay people?

            1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

              I might if I thought there wasn't going to be cake provided by the hosts.

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                Why would feel motivated to announce is a cake for a gay wedding. Stop talking about your gay friend's gay wedding all the time. Jeesh.

                From a business stand-point, refusing to be involved in gay weddings is a piss-poor financial practice. I'd sell hammers and sickles to an army of little Lenins if it made a buck.

                1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

                  That's very Feren Gay of you.

                  1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

                    What's gay about a planet full of naked chicks?

                    1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

                      Omigod Mountme III? Nothing gay there that I can see. Spock got a chick.

                2. Red Rocks Rockin   12 years ago

                  Why would feel motivated to announce is a cake for a gay wedding.

                  SWPL status-signaling. If the other party doesn't clap their hands and celebrate, you get to cry "BIGOT" and feel smug in your self-righteousness.

                  From a business stand-point, refusing to be involved in gay weddings is a piss-poor financial practice.

                  Especially with gay marriages/civil unions becoming increasingly accepted, that's a whole new market to tap into. I can understand why people wouldn't do business with them for religious reasons. Hell I can even understand them not doing business with them because they couldn't stand the progtard smugness that tends to ooze off these people who go around exclaiming "I HAVE GAY FRIENDS SEE HOW TOLERANT AND ACCEPTING I AM." But damn--one or two good recommends from gay couples and you can increase your clientele significantly.

            2. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

              Who gets a cake for a gay wedding other than gay people?

              I don't think you got the point I was attempting to make.

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                I don't think you got the point I was attempting to make.

                All gay people want cake?

            3. Bobarian   12 years ago

              Have you ever had gay wedding cake?

              It's FABULOUTH!!

        4. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

          While I agree with you, I'd bet they shopped around until they found a baker that would turn away their business.

          Why don't we ever hear about florists turning away gay customers?

          1. hamilton   12 years ago

            Florist faces second lawsuit over gay wedding refusal

          2. SugarFree   12 years ago

            I think the He-Man Fag-Haters Club was trumpeting a florist case a few weeks ago.

          3. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

            What has turned you so cynical? Point on the doll where the victim class litigated you.

            1. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

              I told you I lived in Chicago. Victimhood is taught in the publik skools here.

          4. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

            I don't know, because the last one I heard about was a florist.

            1. Warty   12 years ago

              Freed and Ingersoll had given an ultimatum to Baronelle Stutzman, owner of Arlene's Flowers & Gifts, that said she could settle the issue by apologizing in the local newspaper, promising to never discriminate again, and paying $5,000 to an LGBT youth center (in lieu of attorney's fees). But Stutzman's deadline passed yesterday?and she'd said nothing?so they are suing her this morning in Benton County Superior Court.

              Jesse, could you please fuck some sense into these fags? And their stupid Jack Russel terriers, too.

              1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                Why do you hate those adorable dogs? ADORABLE!

              2. jesse.in.mb   12 years ago

                I could certainly try, although none of them particularly my type. I guess I could put on a porn in the background.

                Wait, am I fucking the Jack Russel terriers or are they getting the sense once I've fucked it into the owners?

                1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                  Ricky Cumfart told us all this gay marriage nonsense would lead to beastiality and we just laughed at him. [rueful head shake]

                2. Warty   12 years ago

                  Either, both. Whichever you like.

                  I picture Jack Russels as being your type, for what it's worth.

        5. Marshall Gill   12 years ago

          I find it hard to care about a bunch of petty fucking cry-babies that hate a group of people so much they won't take their money for a damn cake.

          What if the baker didn't care that the fags were queer but hated the couple for their individual personalities? Is this even possible or does any hatred directed against homosexuals have to be because of their gayety? Could the baker have been offended not at their sexuality but at their taste in cakes?

          I don't understand the lack of love for certain haters. No one seems to cry a river for the mountain of well deserved hate poured upon the hipster in these pages. How about hating politicians or Televangelists? ? Most here probably agree with those. What about hating those with a malformed pancreas? Fuckers with all their needles and dying and shit.

          What about a baker refusing to make a cake celebrating a socialist indoctrination guard (a school teacher), because they hated their fucking guts and wanted them to die in a fire?

          I am raising my children to hate. I tell them almost every day, "If you can't find something new to hate every single day, you just aren't trying".

        6. robc   12 years ago

          Its people like this and Lester Maddox who are the last line of defense against public accommodation laws.

          When you oppose them, you are supporting fuckers like that. Which is as it should be.

          Civil rights isnt for the easy cases, its for the hard cases: racists, bigots, Illinois nazis.

        7. Paul.   12 years ago

          Gay couple needs to find another baker; Baker needs get his or her head out of their ass.

          Government is here to make them get their head out of their ass. Otherwise, what is government for?

    3. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

      It doesn't say they're suing. And it does note, as I've been noting every time this comes up, that "It's still against statute to turn away customers because of sexual orientation. It doesn't matter if it's for a legal wedding or just a ceremony or anything else." Thank you, anti-discrimination laws.

      1. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

        What is the protected class list up to now? I didn't realize sexual orientation made the list yet?

        Nope. According to WIKI I can still discriminate against teh fags.

        I'm going to petition my congressman to get those with small penises added to the list. I've always wanted to be a porn star, but... Well, let's just say those bastards over at Vivid Video have been discriminating against me.

        1. Smilin' Joe Fission   12 years ago

          I'm short, all those girls who only like tall guys discriminate against me. Lets get short guys added to the list.

          Every time a girl turns me down for sex, DISCRIMINATION!!!

    4. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

      From the article:

      "A lot of these business owners in other states are arguing for a new exemption, a religious exemption, which would let them turn away same-sex weddings."

      Wait, really? When did this happen? Why weren't we warned about the debate over statutory exemptions?

  5. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    The Los Angeles Unified School District has ordered schools to stop suspending students for being "defiant"...

    They're in danger of running out of bricks for the wall.

    1. Michael S. Langston   12 years ago

      Shorter version: LA Unified School District gives up on defiant children.

      1. NeonCat   12 years ago

        "Gosh-darn the defiant"

  6. Episiarch   12 years ago

    The White House has asked Sen. Chuck Schumer to reintroduce a press shield law

    And now they love him again! All is forgiven if they are singled out for special treatment!

    1. hamilton   12 years ago

      To be fair, Chuckles is super-awesome at asslicking, and so he's a good choice for someone to show everyone how much fun it is.

      1. Episiarch   12 years ago

        But don't you see, he really does love them!

        I bet this buys them off. Seriously. Even if nothing comes of it.

    2. DJF   12 years ago

      How about a shield law for all of the public, we all come under the 1st amendment, not just the MSM.

      Or we could forget the shield law and just take the Constitution seriously.

      1. Suthenboy   12 years ago

        I see an audit in your future

  7. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

    I've been experiencing some serious 90's deja vu today.

    OJ back in court, new stock market highs every day, and the GOP ginning up one fake controversy after another.

    1. Irish   12 years ago

      ALL THAT MATTERS IN ECONOMY IS STOCK MARKET! SO LONG AS GOOGLE EXECUTIVES AND WARREN BUFFET GET LOTS OF MONEY FROM STOCK MARKET, WE SHOULD IGNORE ALL OF THE UNEMPLOYED! /Shrike

      1. Episiarch   12 years ago

        It would be so much better if you would ignore the sockpuppet.

        1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

          It would be so much better if reasonable would collapse an entire thread under the sockpuppets.

          1. Ted S.   12 years ago

            It would be so much better if people used the filter in their brains and simply scrolled past the sub-threads.

          2. jesse.in.mb   12 years ago

            Collapsable threads could have so many uses.

            MEXICANS HAVE AN IQ OF 7
            collapse

            ARE YOU WATCHING THE CURLING MATCH, EH?
            collapse

            The possibilities are truly endless.

            1. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

              STOP HATING ON THE CURLING

          3. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

            Or if reasonable was on something other than Chrome.

            1. prolefeed   12 years ago

              Because it's just impossible to roll your eyes and otherwise ignore dumbass commenters. You're defenseless with the proper software!

              1. prolefeed   12 years ago

                Should read, "... defenseless withOUT the proper software!"

                1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

                  Didn't I just indicate that I don't even use it?

                2. Bobarian   12 years ago

                  I could make you defenseless with the proper software...

                  or hardware, for that matter.

              2. seguin   12 years ago

                Hey, screw you! I'M A VICTIM DAMNIT!

          4. sgs   12 years ago

            I'm pretty sure it's open source.

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

          Forget about it. Shriek is like the One Ring around here. They needs their precious.

          If only some large-footed midget would volunteer to carry him to Mt. Doom.

          1. prolefeed   12 years ago

            Or Mt. Hood. Where he could get gay-married WITH NO FN CAKE!

    2. Old Man With Candy   12 years ago

      Where's the record low unemployment, record low deficits, soaring property values, welfare reform, and record number of start-up businesses and IPOs?

      Maybe if we keep the Demo president tied up in firefighting his scandals, just like the '90s, we'll have a decent economy again?

      1. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

        The 20-teens ain't over, bro!

        1. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

          "bro"? Sounds like you have 80's deja vu.

          1. Paul.   12 years ago

            He's got gayja vu.

    3. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

      NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK, FUCKSTAIN.

  8. Caleb Turberville   12 years ago

    http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_.....retires-23

    Rolando McClain "retired" today. Anyhoo, Alabama fans, at least Ozzie Newsome is still living up to his first round draft status, 35 years later.

    1. Rock Action   12 years ago

      One of the greatest perp walks ever.

      http://www.google.com/imgres?i.....Ag&dur=445

    2. Brett L   12 years ago

      So the primary criterion for playing MLB for the Ravens is being involved in a shooting?

      1. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

        Yuk yuk. Except Ray Lewis was not involved in a shooting...

        1. Brett L   12 years ago

          Still sensitive are we?

          1. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

            Maybe a little.

  9. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    The White House has asked Sen. Chuck Schumer to reintroduce a press shield law.

    Because the Obama Administration is all about obeying legislative and constitutional restrictions placed on it.

    1. Caleb Turberville   12 years ago

      There's a First Amendment to Constitution, somewhere, near the beginning, if I remember correctly?

      1. DJF   12 years ago

        But that is too generic, Washington is all about special treatment for special people. Special tax breaks, special legal protections, special preferment's.

        1. Sevo   12 years ago

          And this 'sends a message', too. This time he's serious about not fucking with people's mail!

      2. Paul.   12 years ago

        There's a First Amendment to Constitution, somewhere, near the beginning, if I remember correctly?

        But we're embarrassed by it.

    2. Suthenboy   12 years ago

      I think you are missing the point. The press shield law contains an exception for national security. The purpose of the law is to legalize what they did so they can do it more and have no scandal, not shield the press. Give them some credit for wanting to obey the law.

      1. hamilton   12 years ago

        Exactamundo this. Passing it means we can ignore the 1A and just use the nicely circumscribed law.

        1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

          No legislation can undo constitutional protections.

          ...

          Okay, now that I've managed to stop laughing, the law won't really legalize what they've done any more or less than it's already legal. And handing out special protections to a group based on its profession suggests the rest of the population should be limited.

          1. hamilton   12 years ago

            Not undo. "Clarify". For all us non-constitutional-scholar unwashed morons. I mean, WTF do you know about free speech Fist? FIRE IN A CROWDED THEATER!!! HUH? WHAT ABOUT THAT!!!1!11!ONE!

            1. NeonCat   12 years ago

              Terrorism on a crowded planet!

            2. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

              What if I set a fire first?

              1. Bobarian   12 years ago

                Then you are free to speak. That's what they really meantin the first amendment. It's like 'well regulated militia', a modifier that a proper progressive thinker can turn into anything they want.

          2. Suthenboy   12 years ago

            Go back and look at my comment earlier on another thread about watching epic fail videos on youtube. A VOTER thought it would be cool to leap naked into a cactus. In case you think I made it up, here is a snippet.

            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA1v0QEw3sg

            It is well worth watching.

            They pass this law and it placates the present critics and allows them to do more in the future with no problem.

            In the future, before you say something like ' no legislation can undo constitutional protections' please warn me first. You nearly gave me a hernia.

            1. Suthenboy   12 years ago

              That includes different videos than the one I watched earlier. Can anyone explain to me why the moron jumping off of the house onto the yoga ball is wearing a hazmat suit? Did he think that would exempt him from the laws of gravity?

              1. Episiarch   12 years ago

                You haven't seen Jackass, have you.

                Here.

                1. Suthenboy   12 years ago

                  I have not.
                  My stepson told me about it....and I thought "Ow! My Balls!"

                  that is as far as it got.

            2. Generic Stranger   12 years ago

              To be fair, dude's Australian, so he probably only votes because they make him.

              1. Suthenboy   12 years ago

                I saw that claim made, but his accent is american.

  10. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

    "being defiant"

    That really gets the kids ready for the "fuck you, that's why" response.

  11. Brandon   12 years ago

    The White House has asked Sen. Chuck Schumer to reintroduce a press shield law. If they're referring to the last proposed version of the legislation, it has a huge exemption for national security that probably would have been invoked in the Associated Press case anyway.

    Appearance, not results.

  12. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    He also apparently has absolutely no idea how many call records the Department of Justice has snagged from journalists.

    ASK SOMEONE WHO GIVES A SHIT.

    1. Mad Scientist   12 years ago

      If he had actually responded with that, I would have some modicum of respect for him.

      1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

        I can't disagree. [drops mic, walks out]

  13. Slammer   12 years ago

    "making it all the more likely there will be a lot of thinly veiled penis jokes during the race for mayor of New York."

    Thinly veiled? Shit, they'll be glaringly obviously dick jokes.

    1. $park?   12 years ago

      You know who else had a thinly veiled penis?

      1. Slammer   12 years ago

        Veiled...RACIST!!!

      2. jesse.in.mb   12 years ago

        Is this going to become a circumcision thread?

      3. Ted S.   12 years ago

        Nancy Pelosi?

      4. Zakalwe   12 years ago

        Jaye Davidson?

    2. Brett L   12 years ago

      They meant thickly veined.

  14. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    Human embryonic stem cells have been cloned by an international research team...

    Wake me when they clone baby Hitler.

    1. Episiarch   12 years ago

      Gregory Peck already did that in 1978.

      1. NeonCat   12 years ago

        "The Increasingly Middle Aged Men from Brazil"

        1. Generic Stranger   12 years ago

          "How come you know Portuguese?"

          "Because I'm from Braz...istol, County, Rhode Island...lot of Portuguese in Rhode Island."

          1. seguin   12 years ago

            I was watching Killface the other night, and I noticed a reference to Dr. Brieger. Just about laughed my Anthony off.

      2. PS   12 years ago

        THAT WAS JUST A MOVIE YOU IGNORANT CUNT!!!

        This is why there are no cloned Austrian female libertarians.

    2. db   12 years ago

      When I was growing up in Braz--istol County!

      1. Generic Stranger   12 years ago

        DAMNIT...should have scrolled down.

      2. AuH20   12 years ago

        Always keep your friends close; and possible genetic clones of Adolph Hitler even closer.

      3. fish   12 years ago

        JAZZ HANDS

  15. A Serious Man   12 years ago

    Well shit, I ended up reading the synopsis for the new Star Trek movie. Should I say more about why I'm kind of outraged by a certain plot twist?

    1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

      You shut your Orion slave whore mouth. No spoilers.

      1. A Serious Man   12 years ago

        Yeah, yeah, I won't be a dick and spoil anything here.

        1. Ted S.   12 years ago

          You don't need to post spoilers to be a dick. :-p

      2. JW   12 years ago

        Commodore Decker arrives to save the day, riding atop a doomsday machine.

        1. NeonCat   12 years ago

          "You're not Kirk! Where's the real Kirk?!"

      3. Tim   12 years ago

        SPOILER : SHIT HAPPENS.

    2. Caleb Turberville   12 years ago

      I've known about the online synopsis for a month now, but I haven't read it. If you're not talking about the John Harrison/Khan "twist", then just go ahead and spoil it.

      I'm already tired of Abram's Trek anyway.

      1. JW   12 years ago

        According to io9, it's almost as awesome as Dr. Who. Almost.

        1. Caleb Turberville   12 years ago

          The John Harrison/Khan twist isn't really a twist at all. Fans already kinda expected it when the teaser was released, and even after he was given the generic-y sounding name "John Harrison" most fans were still suspicious about the character's true identity.

          Let's face it, Abrams can't twist a plot to save his life.

          1. Caleb Turberville   12 years ago

            I mean, really, how the hell was prime continuity-Spock on Hoth right at the same time Kirk just happened to be marooned there?!

            1. Caleb Turberville   12 years ago

              Not to mention that Scotty, the only person in the Federation who could beam Kirk mid-warp, just happened to be stationed on Hoth at the exact same time.

              1. JW   12 years ago

                Perhaps you've read my review?

              2. NeonCat   12 years ago

                It was a world rich in deusexmachinatium.

                1. seguin   12 years ago

                  Fracking is a wonderful thing.

          2. JW   12 years ago

            Let's face it, Abrams can't twist a plot to save his life.

            Or direct a film, for that matter.

            Yeah, he's Khan. Whatever.

    3. hamilton   12 years ago

      No goddamn spoilers. Though there should be an agreed-upon post-release date for the inevitable whinefest on HampersandR

    4. DJF   12 years ago

      ""'certain plot twist""

      No lens flares?

      1. Caleb Turberville   12 years ago

        Kirk detonates an advanced photon torpedo that cuts a tiny snip in the space-time continuum that dims light just enough to prevent lens flares.

    5. JW   12 years ago

      Spoiler away. I can take it.

      1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

        You shut your Orion slave whore mouth.

        1. JW   12 years ago

          Why don't you warp over here and make me!

          1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

            I should have mixed it up and told you to shut your man trap whore salt sucker.

            1. A Serious Man   12 years ago

              NO SPOIL I

              1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

                Well congratulations your inane commenting has finally made me laugh.

    6. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

      No, you should say more about how excited you are about the coming awesomeness, because there is coming awesomeness. (I won't spoil, but I don't care at all about spoilers so I read all about this last week and got pretty jazzed.)

      1. db   12 years ago

        You said "coming."

        Hhhu-huhuh.

      2. A Serious Man   12 years ago

        You're just excited because it has Pine, Quinto, and Cumberbatch in hyper-masculine roles.

        1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

          Duh. Especially the logicky one.

          1. Episiarch   12 years ago

            nicole is very attracted to homosexual actors with bowl cuts and elf ears. Wait, so am I! Oh noes!

            1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

              Don't forget about the green blood. And, you know, other stuff.

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                red blood:white semen
                green blood:plaid semen

                1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                  OMG IT'S PLAID?!? I am so over human men.

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

          When I think masculinity, I think Cumberbatch.

          1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

            Someone has not seen Parade's End.

    7. MJGreen   12 years ago

      I'm not a Trekkie, but I saw posters that made me sympathize with you fans that loath Abrams's films. It features Spock holding a gun like some badass.

      I mean... What?

    8. Zakalwe   12 years ago

      You know who else wrote about Star Trek today?

  16. $park?   12 years ago

    Unfortunately, in New Hampshire, the land of the free, stuff like this happens pretty regularly.

    A New Hampshire school board, concerned about students consuming unhealthy sugary treats, voted Tuesday to encourage teachers to only celebrate one 'group' birthday party each month, The Union Leader reported.

    "If there were three birthdays in a week, a student could have cupcakes three times," Sue Sheehy, the district's consultant dietitian told the paper. "That's why we're encouraging one birthday for kids in a month."

    1. Slammer   12 years ago

      There might be three birthdays in one week, and then only a few spread out the rest of the year.

    2. NeonCat   12 years ago

      Find a bunch of (mostly) BS holidays, insist on celebrating them, then if confronted insist that the officials are deprecating your heritage.

    3. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

      I've got an idea! Why don't they stop fucking celebrating every gd birthday and actually teach them something?

    4. db   12 years ago

      Why is a school throwing birthday parties?

      1. AuH20   12 years ago

        Because they're basically junior offices?

  17. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

    A proposed bill in North Carolina that would make it illegal for electric car maker Tesla Motors to use its direct-sales method to sell cars in the state.

    The bill, which passed the state Senate in a unanimous vote Monday night, would prohibit car manufacturers or dealers from selling their cars to consumers without using a licensed dealer.

    Manufacturers would be barred from "using a computer or other communications facilities, hardware, or equipment" to sell or lease a car to anyone in the state, according to the legislation.

    If approved, the bill would render a car manufacturer like Tesla unable to legally sell cars in the state. Since the company bypasses traditional dealerships by selling directly to consumers and allows buyers to place their orders online, it would not meet the state's definition of a "dealer."

    http://abcnews.go.com/Business.....ZPyNMphDHb

    1. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

      Fucking disgusting. Blatant cronyism.

      We needz moar tar and feathers for these people.

    2. Brandon   12 years ago

      Government pretty much sucks at all levels. It attracts the selfish, the venal, and the power-hungry.

      1. Sevo   12 years ago

        I'd be 'way more sympathetic if Tesla weren't just one more division of Government Motors.

    3. Capt Ace Rimmer   12 years ago

      Sounds unconstitutional. No rational basis. Kinda like that Louisiana casket law that was just invalidated.

    4. Night Elf Mohawk   12 years ago

      Give me a demo to drive and a website front end that interfaces with their ordering process and I'll be their "dealer."

    5. a better weapon   12 years ago

      Ok, that crony bullshit pisses me off and all but Jesus, every paragraph is the EXACT same point phrased in a different way. What a redundant, piece of shit article.

  18. SugarFree   12 years ago

    What's the point of letting shrike continue? Have you not wrung the last sour drippings of comedy out of running an ObamaPuppet? Any of us could write this tired schtick at this point. For your own sake, let it die and move on to something else. Lyle for example. You could get a lot of milage out of Lyle if you concentrated on him.

    1. Mike M.   12 years ago

      It's not schtick, and Weigel's Buttplug is never going away. This is his job as a hard-working "journolist".

      1. SugarFree   12 years ago

        I'm just concerned about the art, man.

    2. Episiarch   12 years ago

      You're making the mistake of thinking mileage is what they want, NutraSweet. It isn't. "Making the puppets dance" is what they want.

      1. SugarFree   12 years ago

        Look, I get it. I just think that such a blatantly fake character isn't dancing the puppets like it used to. Sure, it still sucks in a few people, but the act is stale and most people have figured out the game by now. Switch to a new character and the hand in the sock might get a few years out of trolling out of it. HandSock is playing it safe, going with what it knows. It needs to break out of its safe spot. Be daring.

        1. Episiarch   12 years ago

          I'm sure it's tried, and failed. It seems to be a one-trick pony. A truly talented sockpuppeteer wouldn't be so obvious in the first place. It's no Cesar.

    3. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

      Look, if you want this to be exclusively an anti-Obama jerkfest, fine. I will point out FACTS on how things are greatly improving in the meantime.

      Before his second term is over we will be completely energy independent, the long-term debt problem will be solved, and markets will TRIPLE during his terms.

      1. SugarFree   12 years ago

        See what I mean? No one can take shit like this seriously.

        1. Mike M.   12 years ago

          I assure you he's completely serious in his mind. Nobody plays a game like that for over five years.

          1. Episiarch   12 years ago

            You're an idiot.

            1. Mike M.   12 years ago

              Takes one to know one.

          2. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

            Goldman Sachs forecasts support me.

            But go ahead. Get everything you know from Reason.com.

            1. Jordan   12 years ago

              The same Goldman Sachs that got its lunch eaten by the housing bubble.

              1. fish   12 years ago

                The same Goldman Sachs that got its lunch eaten by the housing bubble.

                The same Goldman Sachs made whole by Uncle Sucker?

        2. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

          NOT SURE IF SERIOUS

        3. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

          Hey, I rule over you Inflationistas! GOLD! HYPER-INFLATIONS! ZIMBABWE!

          Fucking idiots like Peter Schiff get airtime here and they are always wrong.

          1. Sevo   12 years ago

            Tell us again about how med insurance rates can't be going up because of Obozo care.
            That's always good for a laugh.

            1. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

              I never said that.

              I said premiums have been going up to 30 years and will continue to go up.

              Obamacare is irrelevant (but I repeat myself).

              1. Palin?s Buttplug   12 years ago

                I also like to eat my own poo.

                1. Smilin' Joe Fission   12 years ago

                  DEAD GIVEAWAY

        4. Marc F Cheney   12 years ago

          I have never been more convinced that you're behind this, SF. He's Sherlock to your AC Doyle, you're sick to death of writing him, and you want nothing more than to kill off the character, but the public demands more and more.

          1. SugarFree   12 years ago

            I understand your suspicions. Before registration I ran a few fake names from time to time, but they would bore me after a short time. And, frankly, my ego is so big and my inability to delay gratification so severe, there's no chance I could have held out for so long after the joke ceased to be even a little bit funny.

            1. Palin?s Buttplug   12 years ago

              I haz a heart-on 4u.

        5. Certified Public Asskicker   12 years ago

          What do you mean? FACTS!

      2. Suthenboy   12 years ago

        Things are greatly improving. soros is a free market fanatic. obama is a second amendment supporter.

        You almost crack me up. Go away. I have to agree, this schtick is tired.

      3. OldMexican   12 years ago

        Re: Palin's Buttwipe,

        I will point out FACTS on how things are greatly improving in the meantime.

        "Fundamentals, schmundamentals! Things are improving! The government is telling me so! Barry's telling me so! All hail Barry! All hail...."

        /Buttwipe gets dragged into the padded room.

      4. PapayaSF   12 years ago

        Obama will have as much to do with energy independence as Reagan had to do with CD players and the first Macintosh. Actually, less, because Reagan didn't appoint underlings who did their best to hobble the electronics industry.

  19. A Serious Man   12 years ago

    More Trek: Captain Kirk does not hug and other rules from the original series writer's guide.

    1. Ted S.   12 years ago

      Kirk just forces himself upon women, Warty-style.

      1. Episiarch   12 years ago

        The only time Kirk put his phaser on stun was when he was looking for sex.

        1. JW   12 years ago

          "Set phasers to sexy."

    2. Episiarch   12 years ago

      Damn right Kirk does not hug! Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even cute things, like tribbles.

      1. hamilton   12 years ago

        He hugged naughty Kirk when he got split up in the transporter. But loving himself is actually acceptable in the writers' guide I presume.

        1. Episiarch   12 years ago

          Well, remember that that was the "nice" side of him, so it was probably acceptable because it wasn't "whole Kirk".

          I'M CAPTAIN KIRK!!!

          1. hamilton   12 years ago

            I may have to put that one on my top ten list. Just for the depth of the man's acting. A mother. fucking. thespian.

        2. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

          Masturbation is not hugging.

  20. waffles   12 years ago

    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05.....youth.html

    Young Americans unable or unwilling to pay the price of car ownership.

    I have this problem, convincing my significant other that driving is worth it. I have always been a driver, got my license the first day I was legally able to (age 16.5 in PA). I have driven an average of 18,000 miles a year in the 10 years since getting my license. Why? Because I love going places when I want to, wherever I want to go. Drove across the USA North to South, East to West, mountains, deserts, beautiful cities and rundown shitholes. I love exploring.

    She's 24 and never got her license save for some traumatizing learner's permit experience at 16. We moved to California last summer and she got a learner's permit when I got my car registered. My car is an old 5 speed BMW and it's damned difficult for a newbie to find the sweet spot on my clutch. How do I teach her to drive? Even harder, how do I convince her that it's an important skill? Considering she's had me as her personal driver for the better part of two years, I guess she gets by. But for how long? And what if I jump ship?

    A Car-free future scares me. My impetus to drive all over stems from a feeling that I should do it while travel is relatively free and easy. Those wanderlusting excursions across America may be a thing of the past sooner rather than later.

    1. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

      It's bad enough to rely on government for roads. To rely on government for the vehicles and the drivers too screams of mental illness.

    2. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

      I am 31 and haven't driven in 5 years. I've saved thousands of dollars from this pseudo-decision, and I love not having to interact with the police anymore.

      1. waffles   12 years ago

        I know it costs a lot to drive. But for my life, it's worth it. Do you still have a license? Is it reasonable for you to get behind the wheel right now and be comfortable driving? I just wonder if it really is difficult to learn to drive as an adult because of your greater ability to perceive risk compared to a teenager. I see driving as being an ability of a well-rounded adult, but perhaps I'm wrong and we all should live in cities with trams going wherever we need to go. And bicycles, lots of bikes.

        1. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

          I don't see how a bicycle eliminates interaction with police. At least not in Chicago.

          1. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

            I take cabs and ride the bus. The only time I spoke to a PO was when my house alarm went off during installation and I typed the panic code in accidentally.

            I could definitely drive if I wanted/needed to. Really the only thing I miss is golf.

            1. Sevo   12 years ago

              How do you get the groceries home?

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                Freegan.

              2. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

                I walk home, it's 3 blocks to the grocery store. Sometimes I stick extra bags in a the basket my kid's stroller.

                This means I go to the grocery store about once a week and don't stockpile Costco style.

        2. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

          I will say, I do think adults should know how to drive, because it's a super important skill, and I also think it's much harder to learn as an adult. Everyone I know who learned when they were 19+ as opposed to 16 or so stayed very nervous drivers forever. Of course, YMMV (hahaha, get it?), but I do think learning when you're young and don't care about risk is easier.

          1. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

            Interesting. I got my license when I was 19 and did incredibly risky things.

            My gf got hers at 16 and is neurotic as hell in the car. Two years as an auto insurance adjuster probably didn't help.

          2. Mad Scientist   12 years ago

            People who learned to drive at 16 wanted to drive. People who were able to put it off until they went to college had no interest in driving. It's no surprise that the second set is mainly composed of shitty drivers.

            1. Episiarch   12 years ago

              No shit. I got mine two weeks after my 16th birthday, because driving meant getting the fuck away from my parent's house, i.e. freedom. I also liked doing insane shit in cars as well. You see this scar?

              1. JW   12 years ago

                Fuckin' A. I didn't get my own car until I was 17, but it was clear to every teenager over 16 that only poor people took the bus.

                Much of 12th grade was spent skipping school in somebody's car and driving around all day.

      2. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

        Are you one of those people making $7000 a month from your home?

        1. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

          Nah, I work in fine dining.

          1. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

            well that keeps you out of the neighborhoods the cabs won't go to then.

      3. db   12 years ago

        The only place I've ever lived where it would have been possible to live without a driver's license was State College, PA. Every job I've ever had has required travel and some explicitly required a driver's license.

        1. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

          There are really only a handful of cities that you can live in without a car. Philly is definitely the cheapest of them.

    3. Brandon   12 years ago

      Find some GIFs showing how an engine, transmission and clutch work, and show her those. Explain what is happening when you release the clutch pedal. If she can understand that, she will be able to learn a to drive a stick easily.

      1. waffles   12 years ago

        But she's never really driven before. Is it a good idea to start on my car that I rely on? Or shop for a beater automatic? Or pay through the nose for some hapless instructor to take her on?

        1. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

          Just charge her for the taxi service you provide. Or were you stupid enough to marry this person?

        2. General Butt Naked   12 years ago

          Why not get her a beater manual?

          That'll give her something to train on and she'll eventually be able to drive your car in an emergency. If she doesn't have the ability to learn how to drive a stick, I'd say stop dating the mentally handicapped.

        3. Brandon   12 years ago

          How old is your BMW? My '02 has a strong enough drive train and clutch that I've taught 2 people how to drive on it with no noticeable damage.

          1. waffles   12 years ago

            2001 325xi. She's at 136,000 with the engine in good shape. She was able to get into first gear in the parking lot. But getting her into the driver's seat is like pulling teeth. No we're not married. This is a girl I convinced to be libertarian with me. Would be a shame if driving were the dealbreaker.

            1. Episiarch   12 years ago

              I had to deal with that once. Just remind her that she'll feel so much better once she actually has the license, that it's worth the effort.

            2. Invisible Finger   12 years ago

              If she's truly libertarian she will understand when you put a stop to the "free rider" problem.

            3. Brandon   12 years ago

              The "dumb" AWD drive train (pre XDrive) is pretty much bulletproof. Just get her to where she can keep the tach steady and then tell her she can't let the clutch out too slow. The car will be fine. I'd be a lot more worried about collisions than drive train damage.

        4. NeonCat   12 years ago

          I would be surprised if a regular driving school had a manual trans car. They probably consider it one more complexity a new learner doesn't need, especially considering how few manuals are sold nowadays.

          1. waffles   12 years ago

            I just want her to drive a car. It just happens that the only car she has access to is mine. At first she thought it would be smart and cool to learn to drive the stick, but after a dozen or so nasty stalls in the parking lot she is scared off. If I ever dump her on amiable terms the least I could do would be to make sure she can at least locomote herself to the grocery store.

            1. JW   12 years ago

              Replacing a clutch in on old BMW can't be cheap. She'd best be worth it.

              To be honest, I'm not sure if I'd want her driving my car, with so little experience.

            2. Mad Scientist   12 years ago

              I'd say there's a 95% near-certainty that your girlfriend will be the sort who opens the car door with her keys in the same hand, rashes the fuck out of your wheels when parallel parking, slides her groceries/purse on the roof, and manages to gouge all 4 corners of the car into a gas pump or street light or other car within 6 months. If you care about your BMW at all, go buy a beater for her to beat.

              1. waffles   12 years ago

                All my fears. I really want to hire an instructor before putting her behind the wheel of anything because I just don't trust that she won't turn my helpful criticism and guidance into a screamfest ending in a collision with a mailbox.

                1. Mad Scientist   12 years ago

                  There are all sorts of $500 cars out there on craigslist. Buy one for her to learn on. Part of her reluctance to learn in your car is the impending screamfest. If it's her own car, even if it's a polished turd, she'll learn to love it just a little bit.

          2. DEG   12 years ago

            The place where I got my driving lessons from had some manuals. I specifically asked for one for my lessons. They told me they would only teach me how to drive a manual if I already had my license.

    4. NeonCat   12 years ago

      You could find a beater manual trans car on Craigslist, teach her on that until you feel comfortable enough letting her drive the BMW.

    5. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

      Considering she's had me as her personal driver for the better part of two years, I guess she gets by. But for how long? And what if I jump ship?

      Email me and commiserate. This is my life. On the other hand, I'm not stupid enough to be trying to teach someone stick.

      Anyway, just move someplace where driving is not optional. That should do it.

      1. SugarFree   12 years ago

        I thought a lot of people to drive stick. [no, not like that]

        I found that the key idea is to teach them how to get the car moving in first gear without using the gas, only the clutch. It makes for a click moment in a lot of people.

        1. Episiarch   12 years ago

          You used the power of your mind to think them into driving stick? You are more powerful than I initially assumed, NutraSweet. You may be a more formidable foe than I anticipated, assuming I have no hard candy to throw at you.

          1. SugarFree   12 years ago

            No, no... I save my mental powers for sleeping with your mom. What I would do is get them to figure out that if they let up off the clutch slowly enough and smoothly enough you can get the car moving (and the clutch completely off the floor) without using the gas. This solved the main problem a lot of people have at first with letting off the clutch too fast.

            1. Episiarch   12 years ago

              You need mental powers to sleep with my mom? I thought she accepted credit cards.

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                Some of these retards are quite cunning.

              2. prolefeed   12 years ago

                I thought she had to pay men to sleep with her.

          2. prolefeed   12 years ago

            Hard candy throws itself at you, not the other way around:

            http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hkny.....+Candy.jpg

            1. Episiarch   12 years ago

              That was a pretty good movie. I liked it.

      2. General Butt Naked   12 years ago

        Best way to teach someone how to drive a manual is to just make them drive.

        My dad took me to a parking lot showed me how the clutch works and said, "let's go home now."

        By the time I made it home I could pretty much do it. Stalling out in traffic sucks so bad that you'll learn real quick.

        1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

          I'm just suggesting that at that age, learning how to drive automatic might be a better first step. I learned how to drive stick first, myself, but if she's nervous and shit to begin with it may just be more trouble than it's worth in terms of a total barrier to getting her on the road.

          1. General Butt Naked   12 years ago

            That's true.

            I usually advocate the "toss 'em in the water and they'll swim" method of instruction, but if someone has a nervous or anxious disposition they may drown.

          2. waffles   12 years ago

            This is my thinking.

            1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

              I also think there's a certain degree to which you have to be "into" driving to even remotely want to drive stick. It doesn't really sound like your girlfriend is the type to like, want to have a feel for RPMs or something. If she's going to drive at all, it's going to be functional. Now, that doesn't mean she can't learn, but I'd advise getting her comfortable behind the wheel with the concept of moving a big heavy piece of metal around with her. Because it's actually easy, and it's fun, and if she figures those two things out, she may just be more up for it.

              1. Episiarch   12 years ago

                Those motivations are valid, but so will be the freedom it gives and the knowledge that she can go to the fucking store any time she wants, or to the mall (chicks like buying clothes at Hot Topic, right?), or be able to get a job that isn't near public transport, etc.

                Driving is something that everyone is expected to know how to do. I have to assume that assumption causes some sensitivity in those who don't know how. If they learn, that all goes away.

          3. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

            Screw that. Manual. Man up, Nikki.

      3. JW   12 years ago

        I learned to drive to stick in a tow truck, with a car on the hook. That was interesting.

        1. Brandon   12 years ago

          Nice. I learned in a 1945 Willy's Jeep. Cable clutch, no power steering, manual windshield wipers, and a fuel supply that stopped working if you went up a steep hill.

          1. Sevo   12 years ago

            "a fuel supply that stopped working if you went up a steep hill."

            That's the reason you back a Ford A up steep hills.
            Yes, I'm old enough to have learned that...

    6. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

      I'm not going to stop driving until I get a car that drives itself for me. Then I'll start riding in cars instead.

      1. robc   12 years ago

        THIS

        And at that point, I will stop owning cars too, I hope.

    7. Brett L   12 years ago

      Same way everyone learns. Teacher drives to a small hill and forces you to get the car moving forward without stalling in 1st-3rd gear. After which, you'll never stall again. (Then move to Costa Rica and drive a beater up and down the mountains for six months to get your clutch ankle in shape.)

      1. Boisfeuras   12 years ago

        Same way everyone learns. Teacher drives to a small hill and forces you to get the car moving forward without stalling

        This, although I'd get her to learn how to drive an automatic first. Once she's proficient driving, it should be incredibly easy to learn to drive stick in an E46 BMW because its transmission is so good and has good torque.

    8. Sevo   12 years ago

      "How do I teach her to drive?"
      Get the cheapest rental car you can find; it'll be an automatic and she can learn driving on that.

      "Even harder, how do I convince her that it's an important skill?"
      Quit driving her places.

      1. waffles   12 years ago

        Do you mean rent the car? Because I wonder about the insurance implications of that. Or do you mean buy a used rental compact like an Aveo or something equally terrible but functional.

        1. Sevo   12 years ago

          waffles| 5.15.13 @ 5:14PM |#
          "Do you mean rent the car? Because I wonder about the insurance implications of that."

          Well, *you're* driving, right? Until you find that big parking lot and if there's problems, you bought the insurance, right?

        2. prolefeed   12 years ago

          No, rent it with full insurance, and start out in an empty parking lot or field. Buy after she's learned to drive without wrecking it.

          1. hamilton   12 years ago

            ^^This, by the way, is also good advice for the entire relationship.

          2. waffles   12 years ago

            Just checked rentals in my area. Sweet! Why didn't I think of this before?

            1. Sevo   12 years ago

              OK, but YOU are driving it 'cause your car's getting repaired and you're buying full coverage.

    9. Don Mynack   12 years ago

      Only fucking losers take public transportation.

  21. JW   12 years ago

    Another baker, this one in Mount Hood, Ore., is refusing to sell a wedding cake to a same-sex couple.

    "Oh well, I guess we'll have to find another baker, honey-bunny."

    Yeah, yeah, pull the other one now.

  22. A Serious Man   12 years ago

    I'm posting this for catharsis: Barbara Streisand weighs in on Benghazi and GOP hypocrisy.

    Try to count how many talking points she drops in there.

    1. Episiarch   12 years ago

      No. I don't read things that actively make me stupider. Well, aside from your comments. And NutraSweet's. And Hugh's. And FoE's. And Warty's. And...I give up.

      1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

        Yesssss, I made it past the cutoff.

        1. Episiarch   12 years ago

          The final and... included you. And nicole. And JW. And, well, everyone.

          1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

            You know, some people were excited about making the cutoff but weren't so gauche as to actually announce it, but Auric just had to ruin it for us all.

            1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

              Oh my god, I'm like the people who point out they got the first post. I've become everything I hate! (I don't have any alt-text either)

              1. Mad Scientist   12 years ago

                If it makes you feel any better, we all hated you already.

                1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

                  I'm sorry, who are you again?

          2. hamilton   12 years ago

            You are so goddamn bitter ever since Lucy left.

            1. Episiarch   12 years ago

              Well, I miss her!

              DON'T TALK ABOUT LUCY

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                ^^^THIS^^^

                My heart broke the day she left.

    2. General Butt Naked   12 years ago

      If the Republicans want to revisit tragic acts of terrorism, shouldn't we go back to 9/11/2001? The nation later found out there was massive incompetence on the part of the Bush Administration leading up to 9/11.

      I can't say that I'm shocked to find out that shrike is babs.

      That'd be great if her op-ed brought upon The Streisand Effect part II and gave this story legs. Not that anyone actually gives a shit what she has to say anymore.

      1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

        Man, that was a busy seven months of Bush alienating the world, wasn't it?

      2. PapayaSF   12 years ago

        Funny, I seem to remember massive incompetence on the part of the Clinton administration leading up to 9/11.

    3. Killazontherun   12 years ago

      I counted all of them but I couldn't make it past the first two paragraphs so there were probably many, many more.

    4. Warty   12 years ago

      The comments are brutal. Well, some of them.

      HUFFPOST SUPER USER
      J Rupel
      "Let the lamp affix its beam..."
      629 Fans

      1 hour ago ( 4:00 PM)
      I guess getting Barbara Streisand to stick her big nose in front of it is one way to try to cover up a scandal. Not a very good way, but a way nonetheless.

      Also, why the fuck don't we get titles? I want to be a reason ?b?r?s?r.

      1. hamilton   12 years ago

        Also, why the fuck don't we get titles? I want to be a reason ?b?r?s?r.

        And badges. I want those little badge thingys they give out.

        e.g.: "hamilton is a Level 3 Robber Baron!"

        1. Killazontherun   12 years ago

          Yes, this! I wanna be an Orange Line Choo Choo Conductor.

          1. SugarFree   12 years ago

            HIT & RUN BELOVED COMMENTER

            1. prolefeed   12 years ago

              For you, more like a SF'd link to a page saying "HIT & RUN BELOVED COMMENTER"

              1. SugarFree   12 years ago

                Your words are unnecessarily hurtful.

              2. hamilton   12 years ago

                prolefeed is a Level 2 Asshole!

      2. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

        Don't you think four diacriticals are a bit much? And all umlaut? Gaudy.

        1. Warty   12 years ago

          It's spelled ?mla?t, you fool.

          1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

            There should be a band called ?mlout. Spelled that way.

      3. Archduke Pantsfan   12 years ago

        I HAVE A TITLE

    5. Sevo   12 years ago

      Washed-up crooner lets crap leak out of pie-hole.

    6. db   12 years ago

      There's a nose and a voice...nope, don't see anything that is pertinent to my political life there.

      Seriously, the only reason she is at all politically relevant is money and popularity. Two things that Progressives all over insist should not be involved in politics on the side of their opponents.

  23. Slammer   12 years ago

    ATPWDDIM!
    Time-saver!

    1. $park?   12 years ago

      Should be WDATPDIM!

      1. Slammer   12 years ago

        Yep

  24. JEP   12 years ago

    From personal experience, being "defiant" in high school means arguing with your history teacher that the primary reason why Cornwallis surrendered at Yorktown was because the French fleet was blocking his only escape route, NOT because his Hessians were deserting(he never even mentioned to the class that Cornwallis had any Hessians with him), and making the rest of the class laugh at what a stupid test question that was.

  25. General Butt Naked   12 years ago

    Deer gets on bus, doesn't pay.

    1. NeonCat   12 years ago

      Goddamn freeloading mammals...

    2. JW   12 years ago

      I SAID, EXACT CHANGE ONLY.

    3. Sevo   12 years ago

      The buck *doesn't* stop in the bus.

  26. PapayaSF   12 years ago

    I posted this before, but want to make sure it gets noticed: IRS faces class action lawsuit over theft of 60 million medical records

    1. Sevo   12 years ago

      But it was just two rogue low-level bureaucrats! I keep telling you that!

      1. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

        Level-two rogues? At least they don't use level 10 assassins.

  27. Killazontherun   12 years ago

    Another baker, this one in Mount Hood, Ore., is refusing to sell a wedding cake to a same-sex couple.

    My mom's last job before she retired a few years ago was supplying a retail bakery located in Charleston the Italian Cream Cakes they were noted for. I'd wonder if she would be interested in a little charitable work to advance a cause. Anytime that a same sex couple is refused bakery service, they get a free cake.

    1. CampingInYourPark   12 years ago

      As Janice said before, it was unbelievable to make $7000 per month selling virtual Cream Cakes to the gays on the internet.

      /anonbot

      1. Killazontherun   12 years ago

        You are right to point that out. I had no idea how borg like anonbot actually is until now.

  28. Brandon   12 years ago

    Because I didn't get a PM Link and hat tip for posting it before:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....80063.html

    Those Tea Party people deserve to be punished by the IRS because they complain about paying taxes! Complaining about taxes could lead to people not wanting to pay taxes! Therefore, the Tea Party groups are terrorists and the IRS is right to intimidate them!

    1. Killazontherun   12 years ago

      Of course a fucker that ugly is going to say something resentful. Look at that face. It was born to grovel and only know contentment beneath the jack boot heal.

    2. Michael S. Langston   12 years ago

      So questioning the government is a perfectly good reason one should be punished?

      Someone remind me again how the liberals maintain the mantle of civil rights.

      As I think questioning authority is semi-paramount....

  29. Archduke Pantsfan   12 years ago

    "The tax risk would have exceeded ?2bn. I paid him to keep calm and not to do silly things."

  30. A Serious Man   12 years ago

    I think Obama just lost Jon Stewart.

    He's pretty spot-on here.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

      He's just giving the appearance of being apolitical. He does this from time to time and then goes right back to his tired schtick.

      1. Caleb Turberville   12 years ago

        Yeah, I would have to agree, but I've still loved what he's had to say at least since Monday.

      2. Some call me Tim?   12 years ago

        Exactly, I'll need to see a few more months of this before I'll really buy into it.

    2. Caleb Turberville   12 years ago

      I think the last two nights of The Daily Show have been some of the best coverage of the Obama administration I have seen on television.

    3. Killazontherun   12 years ago

      That line about the competence of a cat chasing a laser pointer blot when seeing fit to benevolent government action versus fucking iron man when exercising is malevolent tendencies was pretty good.

      1. PapayaSF   12 years ago

        Yeah, at the times when he stops thinking of himself as head of the Humor Division of the DNC, Stewart can be pretty good.

  31. Brett L   12 years ago

    Hemp makes a bitchin ultracapacitor with a little treatment.

    At a very high power density of 20 kW kg?1 and 20, 60, and 100 ?C, the energy densities are 19, 34, and 40 Wh kg?1, respectively. Moreover the assembled supercapacitor device yields a maximum energy density of 12 Wh kg?1, which is higher than that of commercially available supercapacitors. By taking advantage of the complex multilayered structure of a hemp bast fiber precursor, such exquisite carbons were able to be achieved by simple hydrothermal carbonization combined with activation.

    1. Scruffy Nerfherder   12 years ago

      But what if some kid eats it?

    2. NeonCat   12 years ago

      "Simple hydrothermal carbonization" sounds like a bong.

      Poor hemp, it's so useful for so many things it's obviously a tool of the devil to drag the childruns into hell.

      1. db   12 years ago

        More like a vaporizer. You devolatilize the carbon containing feedstock using heat in an inert atmosphere and then partially gasify the remaining carbon substrate.

  32. A Serious Man   12 years ago

    NYPD reminded that women can go topless and not be arrested.

    1. SugarFree   12 years ago

      The suit lists 10 episodes in 2011 and 2012 in which the police detained, arrested or issued summonses to Ms. Van Voast, 46

      No thanks.

      1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

        Is that her age or some other vital statistic?

      2. A Serious Man   12 years ago

        Holly Van Voast is a 'Topless activist'.

        Ick.

        1. PapayaSF   12 years ago

          It seems to be a rule in the Bay area that nudity is most likely to be practiced by people you'd rather not see nude.

    2. DJF   12 years ago

      But remember ladies, just because you can does not mean you should. Leave it for the hot girls to go topless.

  33. Boisfeuras   12 years ago

    The White House has asked Sen. Chuck Schumer to reintroduce a press shield law.

    Oh thank God! This never would have happened if only we had a law of some kind protecting the freedom of the press, or protecting people from unreasonable searches and seizures.

    1. DJF   12 years ago

      Hey that sounds good, we should put it in the Constitution.

  34. Cytotoxic   12 years ago

    Swedish Man Dies After Having Sex With Hornet's Nest

    1. Auric Demonocles   12 years ago

      I'm not sure what he was expecting to happen.

    2. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

      Thank God for experts!

      ""To attempt to have intercourse with a hornet's nest is a very bad idea," Siv During Livh, a psychologist and expert on sex fantasies told the news website.""

      Yes, they consulted an expert on whether having sex with a hornet's nest was a good idea.

      "Yes, our instinctive reaction is that it's a bad idea, but let's do a peer-reviewed study supervised by appropriate experts before jumping to conclusions..."

      1. PapayaSF   12 years ago

        It's Sweden, so they probably had to talk to four or five experts on sex fantasies before they found one who would advise against it.

        1. Mad Scientist   12 years ago

          I wouldn't advise against it. If the guy is dumb enough to do this, he's going to get himself killed sooner or later anyway. May as well go out doing his love nest.

          1. db   12 years ago

            +1000 for "love nest"

            1. Cytotoxic   12 years ago

              I am physically cringing.

      2. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

        (It seems I was taken in by a hoax)

        1. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

          I would have thought that, by the time you had enough vodka to be willing to make love to a hornet's nest, you'd have passed out.

    3. db   12 years ago

      That is just...I don't know. Some days I am embarrased to be Swedish.

      1. PapayaSF   12 years ago

        Seems to be a hoax. "The original source for the story has now been traced to a satirical website in Sweden, which reported the stinging tale back in September, 2012."

        1. db   12 years ago

          Yay!

        2. Cytotoxic   12 years ago

          Oh thank God. I was struggling to read that article. This is what I looked like.

    4. Boisfeuras   12 years ago

      Hornet stings are more painful than typical wasp stings because of their venom...The stings are not normally fatal to humans unless a person is allergic to their venom, in which case they can go into anaphylactic shock sticks his penis into a nest full of them.

    5. Sevo   12 years ago

      Cytotoxic| 5.15.13 @ 6:30PM |#
      "Swedish Man Dies After Having Sex With Hornet's Nest"

      Damn fine lookin' nest too! See the rack on that?

    6. Killazontherun   12 years ago

      Moral of the story, don't fuck a hornet's nest.
      Also, is that picture of the heroic nest that fought back against the wannabe rapist?

  35. OldMexican   12 years ago

    Another baker, this one in Mount Hood, Ore., is refusing to sell a wedding cake to a same-sex couple.

    "Refusing to sell..." Reading it that way, sounds awful, as if there existed a previously-drafted contract.

    Reading it this way: "Another baker, acting in a way totally consistent with his right to freely assemble with whoever he wishes and not to engage in voluntary trade, refuses to sell a wedding cake of his own property to a same-sex couple," sounds pretty libertarian to me.

    1. cavalier973   12 years ago

      Refuses to sell his labor to someone who has access to Betty Crocker.

  36. Archduke Pantsfan   12 years ago

    Bakery slammed by Gordon Ramsay suffers facebook meldown

    1. jesse.in.mb   12 years ago

      "You are all little punks. Nothing. you are all nothing. We are laughing at you. All of you, just fools. We have God on our side, you just have your sites"

      "WE ARE NOT FREAKING OUT. WE DO NOT CARE ABOUT A 'WITCH HUNT' I AM NOT A WITCH. I AM GODS CHILD. PISS OFF ALL OF YOU. F*** REDDITS, F*** YELP AND F*** ALL OF YOU. BRING IT. WE WILL FIGHT BACK."

      It's really a shame that people don't get struck down from on high for shit like this anymore. These people are totally diluting the God "brand" by behaving this way.

      1. db   12 years ago

        God may not exist, but the Invisible Hand does.

        1. cavalier973   12 years ago

          There are people who will patronize this place just for kicks.

    2. OldMexican   12 years ago

      Re: Archduke Pantsfan,

      Bakery slammed by Gordon Ramsay suffers facebook meldown

      Oh, yes. I watched that episode last week and the owners (husband and wife) were so stubbornly holding on the idea that there wasn't anything wrong with the food (mainly the wife) that they made Gordon give up on them and leave. After the show, my wife and I were looking for the place on the internet and the local people had already blogged about the Facebook meltdown as the word was spreading about what happened and people started to post comments on their Facebook page, prompting replies from who I believe was the wife that were truly insane.

  37. Fluffy   12 years ago

    So in his stupid little statement this evening President Fuckface did not appoint a Special Prosecutor.

    Fuck you, asshole. Special Prosecutor or shut the fuck up.

    1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

      Perhaps we should appoint one for him? What do you mean, we can't? I thought the government was us, because we're a democracy and stuff.

  38. Agile Cyborg   12 years ago

    No need for fucking leaders anymore if they never know anything. Hell, the whole damn groups of people should just be rudderless and without jesus. I like it.

  39. WomSom   12 years ago

    This makes a lot of sense dude. Wow.

    http://www.Secure-Web.tk

  40. cavalier973   12 years ago

    So, having your children stolen from you by the government is apparently not grounds for asylum.

  41. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    I mean, no.

  42. robc   12 years ago

    Which made the poker games curious. Exactly what were they betting?

  43. Episiarch   12 years ago

    Holodeck porn programs.

  44. db   12 years ago

    In the Star Trek universe poker rooms are all no stakes so people play like assholes with nothing to lose. So, pretty sure the while concept of gambling would cease to exist. Poker's fun as a game of skill but you play very differently when there is real meaning/value attached to tge wagers.

  45. fish   12 years ago

    Quatloos? Sorry mixing my currencies.

    PS: CHRISTFAG

  46. Gamblorr   12 years ago

    I seem to remember in one series or another people betting their time off and things of that nature.

  47. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

    Wait, that's the TNG universe. Not TOS. Don't taint the Shat.

  48. Marshall Gill   12 years ago

    Ya' know, Tulpa, I, for one, like this new commenting style. It suits you.

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