Movies

Peter Suderman Reviews Oblivion

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Universal Pictures

Senior Editor Peter Suderman reviews the post-apocalyptic sci-fi thriller, Oblivion, in today's Washington Times:

I have long suspected that Tom Cruise was grown in a vat, and the evidence accumulates every day. There is the fact that he does not appear to have aged since roughly 1998. There is his magically thick head of hair, and his face full of laser-cut stubble, laid out with graph-paper precision. And then there is his new movie, "Oblivion," in which, well, I won't spoil anything.

Suffice it to say that "Oblivion" presents Tom Cruise at his, well, Tom-Cruiseiest — not as a real human being, but as a wholly manufactured product who exists in a wholly manufactured world, built to satisfy the needs of mysterious and powerful forces, including, but not necessarily limited to, the audience.

That manufactured world is a small tower home that sits above the clouds of a futuristic Earth.

The planet has been ravaged by an eco-apocalypse that followed the destruction of the moon in a war with an alien invader. Mr. Cruise plays Jack, the repairman left behind to maintain the drones that protect mountain-sized water-extraction facilities from a handful of remaining enemy combatants. Jack lives and works with Victoria (Andrea Riseborough), who manages his drone-repair expeditions. Both have had their memories wiped for the mission.

In exchange, the pair get to cohabit in a gorgeous high-altitude home. With its lacquered pearl and black color scheme, and its high-tech minimalist design, their perch — held aloft on a thin metal arm — looks as if it has been designed by Apple as a sort of all-in-one living solution for some sort of software zillionaire. Call it an iHome — the perfect storage facility for Tom Cruise, the product.

Read the whole review.

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  1. A comment and a question:

    Scientology has given Tom Cruise an almost devout appreciation for the sci-fi, dystopian genre.

    When are Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise finally going to be cast in the same movie?

    1. When are Tom Hanks and Tom Cruise finally going to be cast in the same movie?

      When one of them has their ego surgically removed to allow them to be the non-lead male actor, in a production that can afford both of their acting fees, featuring a genial down home guy interacting with an intense sociopath …

      Shorter: prolly never.

      1. Was Tom Cruise a lead in Tropical Thunder?

        1. Brody. I can see what your saying… Earl`s blog is amazing, last friday I got themselves a Jaguar E-type since getting a cheque for $4865 this-past/five weeks and-in excess of, ten grand this past month. this is certainly my favourite job Ive ever had. I actually started five months/ago and straight away startad bringin home at least $87 per-hr. I work through this link tinyurl.com/d8v6duz
          (Go to site and open “Home” for details)

    2. What has Tom Hanks ever done to deserve such a thing?

      -jcr

  2. Late-film encounters with … Olga Kurylenko

    Sold!

  3. So this one isn’t the socialist bullcrap one? I guess I should see it. There just isn’t much even mediocre scifi movies these days.

    1. You’re thinking of Elysium.

    2. So this one isn’t the socialist bullcrap one?

      Seems like all scifi these days. Scifi in general has painted itself in a corner and writers seem to have forgotten that in good stories sometimes things just happen.

  4. So who are these Moon-busting aliens who defeated the humans?

  5. Who gives a crap about Oblivion? Skyrim is where it’s at.

    1. Who gives a crap about Oblivion? SkyrimMorrowind is where it’s at.

    2. My computer can barely play Skyrim. It makes me sad, because I can’t finish half the quests; the large battles bring my FPS down to about 0.1.

      1. Build a new one. You can do it for under a grand, monitor included, and play Skyrim in high fashion.

        1. I would, but I can’t spare the money at the moment.

          1. Understand. If you ever need any advice when building, I can offer.

            1. I’ve built pretty much every computer I’ve ever owned, minus one laptop, so I’m good. I’ve just been broke for the last couple of years, so I haven’t been able to upgrade this one.

  6. The planet has been ravaged by an eco-apocalypse

    I should have known it, fucking commie propaganda…

    that followed the destruction of the moon in a war with an alien invader

    Oh, ok.

    This movie sounds boring, and me thinks that Suderman has a bit of a boner for TC.

    You know what will happen if we lose the moon? We would survive it. Nuff said. Proglodytes wouldn’t survive it, but the rest of us would.

    1. But there are TWISTS.

      The problem isn’t really that we lost the Moon.

      1. SPOILER ALERT

        The problem is more that this is a ripoff of Moon.

        1. Moon is a pretty cool flick. So those guys are really just clones of the ones before them?

          1. The first two-thirds of the movie confused the hell out of me, but that’s what I got out of it in the end.

    2. The eco-apocalypse was the result of the war, so it’s not really propaganda.

      1. You didn’t really read my post, did you?

    3. The moon has a kinetic energy of 3.837 ? 10 ^ 28 joules. If it gets destroyed, the pieces of it falling into earth are going to, one way or another, transfer all of that energy into our atmosphere. That’s the equivalent of 9.171 * 10 ^ 12 megatons of TNT.

      The planet would be sterilized.

      1. Not if the vast majority of the pieces are accelerated into Solar orbit. Some would probably go interstellar, if we’re playing with those kind of forces.

        1. The Moon stabilizes Earth’s tilt. Without it, our seasons and climate are crazy.

          1. I was going to say that it wouldn’t necessarily be too catastrophic, but now that I think about it:

            Tides would be rather destabilized. Lots of fun damage from that.

            If the pieces go out fairly tangentially, the tilt wouldn’t be knocked too out of whack, but otherwise, they would probably pull us off-kilter before they got too far away.

            Tidal effects would mess with things quite a good deal. I wonder how much of an effect Luna has on the Gulf Stream?

            Interesting to think about.

        2. Accelerating the moon’s mass to escape velocity would require 3.795 ? 10 ^ 24 joules (9.071 * 10 ^ 8 megatons of TNT) again, an explosion that big that close to the earth is likely going to kill everything on the planet as well.

          1. You wouldn’t necessarily need to set it all off at once.

            1. Why, in the context of a war, would you want to slowly move the moon out of earth orbit, particularly when you could use about a 10th of the energy to drop it directly onto the planet?

  7. I have a theory that says that Cruise is involved in secret experimental telomerase therapy overseas.

    He also is using large quantities of steroids and HGH.

    The authorities know, but they’re keeping it secret, because it appears to be working and they don’t want the proles to know that Tom Cruise has discovered how to delay aging.

    1. Interesting theory.

      If it were true, you would think that all of the wealthy elite would be jumping on that bandwagon.

      I would refer to Aubrey de Grey on that.

    2. Half of Hollywood uses steroids. Look at Arnold or Sylvester Stallone, or even fucking Chris Hemsworth.

      1. Progs say “My Body, My Choice!”

        Where is my choice?

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnaKWclz9J4

  8. Suderman’s Cruise envy leaves one line for the esteemed Mr. Freeman? Fucking fail review.

  9. But do the drones at least blow up some alien weddings/schools?

  10. Apple, ipod ihome iactor ect…

    Suderman go watch 2001 again then come back and apologize.

  11. I for one am looking forward to seeing it. In general, I think Cruise is a gifted actor and the story sounds intriguing. It’s not 2001 , but what else is?

  12. saw it yesterday afternoon with the roommate. It was quite enjoyable.

  13. Dude seems to know whats going on man.

    http://www.Ano-Surf.tk

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