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A.M. Links: FBI Asking for Clues on Boston Bombing, Arizona Legislature Requires Cities to Sell Guns They "Buy Back," Cyprus to Sell Gold Reserves

Ed Krayewski | 4.17.2013 9:00 AM

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  • the government could skip the middle man and just burn the money
    Youth Radio/Foter.com

    The FBI appears to be stumped by the Boston bombing, asking the public for any clues they may have. The Department of Homeland Security, meanwhile, says there's no evidence of a broader bombing plot.

  • An envelope addressed to Senator Roger Wicker tested positive for ricin at a congressional mail facility.
  • The Arizona legislature approved a bill mandating local governments that operate gun buy back programs sell the guns they acquire instead of melting them down and wasting taxpayer money.
  • Mark Sanford, who resigned the governorship of South Carolina over an extramarital affair with an Argentine journalist and is now running against Stephen Colbert's sister for the congressional seat vacated by Tim Scott, must appear in court later this week for allegedly trespassing on his ex-wife's property.
  • The government of Cyprus will be selling a portion of its gold reserves to raise money to secure an EU/IMF bailout.
  • Two rockets were lobbed into southern Israel, apparently from the Egypt-controlled Sinai.
  • Margaret Thatcher's funeral is today.

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NEXT: Taiwan Conducts Military Drills

Ed Krayewski is a former associate editor at Reason.

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  1. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    The Arizona legislature approved a bill mandating local governments that operate gun buy back programs sell the guns they acquire instead of melting them down and wasting taxpayer money.

    Cash for Clunkers, Part 2: Cash for Clickers

    1. Bee Tagger   12 years ago

      The Search for Curly's Cold Dead Hands.

    2. Counterfly   12 years ago

      So they can spend tax money to buy guns, then sell them back to the tax payers?

      I think we've found our way out of the recession here guys!

      1. Drake   12 years ago

        I don't know, the gun makers aren't getting stimulated. (not that they need it right now)

        1. Counterfly   12 years ago

          People will buy new guns to sell back to the government, obviously. Why sell back 5 guns when you can sell back 10 or 20?!

          1. Virginian   12 years ago

            Well, they should be careful not to allow anything to sell at auction for less then the money paid out for a "buyback"

            Turn in shitty HiPoint for a 300 dollars.
            Repurchase at auction for 100 dollars.
            Turn in again for 300 dollars.

            1. Zeb   12 years ago

              From what I have heard about them, the buybacks weren't paying very high prices (assuming a working gun that someone would want).

              1. Virginian   12 years ago

                Well from what I've heard they take guns, and give like a hundred bucks in gift cards. They don't check for function, or real worth.

                Honestly, some factory should show up with all the guns they get sent back that are irreparably damaged. Get something back on warranty claims.

                1. AlmightyJB   12 years ago

                  My dad recently gave me an old starter pistol that belonged to my grandfather. They wouldn't know it's a starter pistol though. I'd take $100 for it.

                  1. Virginian   12 years ago

                    I saw a really worn in the stocks and missing most of the bluing single shot 16 gauge shotgun in the store last time I was there. They wanted fifty bucks for it.

            2. DRM   12 years ago

              Not necessary. The whole point of this legislation is to shut down these "buybacks" entirely, because they won't be getting "guns off the street" if the municipality can't destroy them.

      2. Brett L   12 years ago

        I'll gladly sell them my Taurus .357 that has gotten finicky about pushing the firing pin far enough forward to ignite a round, then buy something else from them.

        1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

          Light hits.

          I had a .38 Taurus that would only fire 4 or 5 of every 6 shots.

        2. Virginian   12 years ago

          Yeah your problem there is Taurus.

          1. Brett L   12 years ago

            Agreed. Unfortunately, we don't do gun buybacks in north FL.

          2. entropy   12 years ago

            No shit.

            Somebody makes a revolver that isn't reliable? WTF? Massive fail.

    3. Austrian Anarchy   12 years ago

      I am still running my privately funded gun buyback. $100 cash (will convert to gift certificate if you like) for any functional .45 cal. 1911. Prefer Colt or S&W. Must be a TN resident.

  2. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Axehole Rose walking with a cane.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....iends.html

    1. Counterfly   12 years ago

      It's a loaner from Mr. Brownstone.

    2. Joe M   12 years ago

      That reminds me of the time when I was a wee lad and my friends and I started a club. We put up a sign that said "No grils allowed."

    3. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

      I am officially old.

      1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

        The first day I felt old was when I heard a track from the first album I ever purchased on the classic rock station. That album was Appetite for Destruction.

        1. AlmightyJB   12 years ago

          Yeah, I heard Judas Priest "Breaking the Law" used for TV commercial. I'm like it won't be long until I hear that on an elevator.

          1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

            The circle will be complete when The David Lee Roth Show becomes the next wave of senior citizens' The Lawrence Welk Show.

        2. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

          I miss the 80s.

          Anyone seen that 80 documentary "The 80s: The Decade That Made Us" on Nat Geo?

          Brought back memories.

          1. JW   12 years ago

            Yeah, I've watched it a bit.

            They can't resist the KLASS WARFARE signalling of how we were all selfish robots, programmed by advertisers, who wanted to just wanted to consume and live in big houses.

            What? Wealthier people want nice things? Lower costs to produce technology causes people to buy more of it? That's crazy talk!

            1. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

              The way I remember it, is we embraced being wealthy (or wanting to be) and didn't feel the need, unlike today, to apologize for it.

              1. Blogimi Dei   12 years ago

                greed WAS good.

              2. JW   12 years ago

                You don't remember the near-constant drone of public shaming for people who dared to engage in conspicuous consumption?

        3. Dweebston   12 years ago

          Perhaps, but the local classic rock station plays Nirvana and Pearl Jam between The Who and Doors.

        4. Red Rocks Rockin   12 years ago

          The first day I felt old was when I heard a track from the first album I ever purchased on the classic rock station. That album was Appetite for Destruction.

          The oldies station in Denver has been playing 80s music pretty consistently for about eight years or so now. I'm not sure if they've moved up to the early 90s yet or not.

        5. 0x90   12 years ago

          People, it's 2013. For scale, [a band forming today] is to Nirvana, as Nirvana is to ZZ Top, as ZZ Top is to the LP record.

    4. deified   12 years ago

      Paul Krugman and Steve Forbes agree: BitCoin is for shitwits!

      If that's not a "buy" signal...

      1. DRM   12 years ago

        All Forbes says is that they aren't stable enough in value to be money. And for now, that's true; they're a speculative commodity.

    5. AlmightyJB   12 years ago

      I've always wanted to get one of those sword canes.

      1. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

        To put your droogs in their place?

      2. Mr. Soul   12 years ago

        Zatoichi rocks!

    6. AlmightyJB   12 years ago

      I was not a big GnR fan but I had an offer of a free ticket and ride with some friends to a concert. Slash tore it up. He can seriously play some guitar. He was great live.

      1. CampingInYourPark   12 years ago

        Anastasia is pure awesomeness:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G49s6t6Bj5E

  3. Counterfly   12 years ago

    Friends, I'm....I'm not used to the whole apologizing thing. I'm not a professional apologizer. I'm a...artisanal commenter. So, I wrote a song for you, a new national anthem. I took the lyrics straight from your Dave Wiegel's book of necronomic spells.

    You may recognize this one, though it hasn't been sung for a few thousand years. "Awaken, awaken, Mustakrakish"

    Troll Free Winds Dee!

    1. Warty   12 years ago

      "There's no such thing as trolls."

      "Then how do you explain the dead unicorns?"

      1. Question of Auban   12 years ago

        "I heaven there are no trolls, that's why we feed them here ......"

      2. gaijin   12 years ago

        Where's Billy Goat Gruff when you need 'im?

    2. Jack the Reaper   12 years ago

      It's Odin's Day, heathen.

  4. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Restaurant signs gone wrong.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....lunch.html

    1. Counterfly   12 years ago

      It's missing a Gyro Wrap sign.

    2. Ted S.   12 years ago

      The real question is whether John would have sex with any of those signs.

    3. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

      one of my great regrets is never taking a photo of my local Thai, The Thai Tanic (complete with neon sign of a sinking ship), before it closed

      1. Counterfly   12 years ago

        That is awesome. I feel the same way about a tanning salon I saw in San Antonio called Tanfastic.

        1. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

          My favorite sign was for a car wash in Crystal, MN (Octopus Car Wash I think). Their slogan was Home of the Hand Job.

          True story.

      2. db   12 years ago

        Sweet.

      3. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

        Just come to DC - we have one of those here.

      4. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

        We also have Thai Phoon.

        My favorites are the Pho restaurants. My local Pho place is called Pho Kim.

        1. db   12 years ago

          We have a restauraunt near our office called "Thai Foon." Pretty good stuff.

        2. itsnotmeitsyou   12 years ago

          My favorite Thai place was in San Fran. Phuket Thai. I know how it's actually pronounced, but it was always fun to respond to "what do you want for dinner" with "fuckit, Thai"

          1. Kreel Sarloo   12 years ago

            Foo-kette

          2. prolefeed   12 years ago

            It's a chain. There's a Phuket Thai across from the gym where I work out in Honolulu.

        3. Brett L   12 years ago

          Pho King.

          1. PapayaSF   12 years ago

            There is a Chinese restaurant called Fu King, and a Vietnamese place called My Dung.

            Years ago in Spain I saw one called Tennessee Fried Chicken.

        4. Hyperion   12 years ago

          Thai Poon is better

      5. Fate   12 years ago

        My local Thai place is called Shiva Porn.

    4. db   12 years ago

      What's wrong with Burritos as Big as your head? IIRC, la Bamba was a decent place to eat.

      1. Counterfly   12 years ago

        That's how Barry Bonds died.

        1. Brett L   12 years ago

          Well, he should have known not to eat something the size of his steroid head post-steroids. It's on the Evil Overlord list. Never eat anything bigger than your (current) head.

      2. mr simple   12 years ago

        La Bamba's is only good if you're drunk. Otherwise, "burritos as big as your head" is a common taqueria slogan.

        1. robc   12 years ago

          The La Bamba near me has a second slogan "Open after the bars close", which is a big deal when you have a 4 AM closing time.

      3. Trespassers W   12 years ago

        You do not recall correctly.

    5. Gray Ghost   12 years ago

      Surprised they didn't mention this recent faux pas in Houston: Beer Should Be Like Violence. Domestic.

      1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

        I had that in my Daily Fails yesterday or Monday.

    6. Way Of The Crane   12 years ago

      Chef needed to prepare Lesbian dishes.

      So... lots of fish?

      1. phandaal   12 years ago

        Fish, and bowling.

  5. Otis B. Driftwood   12 years ago

    Yet Another Megalomaniacal Pile of Dog Shit Deprives American of SA Right

    This one is particularly maddening?particularly how officer shitbag pulled his pistol on the guy in front of his kid. I pray this fat fuck gets kicked down an elevator shaft and lands on a burning pike.

    1. Virginian   12 years ago

      Damn it Otis.

      1. Counterfly   12 years ago

        Hey, that's what the people want and deserve. Quit knocking it when you should be laughing at it.

    2. sarcasmic   12 years ago

      "I've tried to tell my son that this isn't normal; that police officers don't walk around doing this. He's developed an unrealistic fear of police officers. We were bowling yesterday and he freaked out when a police officer walked in."

      Don't lie to your kid.

      1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

        It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. I actively teach my sons that the police are not your friends, and they do not see the rights of citizens as their paramount concern.

        It's a tough lion to toe with a 6 and 2 year old, but I do my best. Kind of like the other day when my son asked what taxes are and I answered "extortion."

        1. Virginian   12 years ago

          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fasTSY-dB-s

          1. hamilton   12 years ago

            I have become a megafan of this guy, although this vid is not as good as George Ought to Help.

            1. robc   12 years ago

              Agreed. I thought the second one was better than this one too.

            2. Virginian   12 years ago

              This one is kind of a response to common statist arguments. Although I wish he had more strongly refuted the social contract.

              Because it is bullshit. Bullshit of the purest form. I have a copy of every contract I've ever signed, filed away. Not one of them is this mythical social contract.

          2. Ruckus   12 years ago

            2nd comment on the video when you click through, from the creator:

            "The key lines? of the skeleton character were lifted verbatim from comments in response to George Ought to Help. So no, there are no strawmen here."

            1. Heroic Mulatto   12 years ago

              That's awesome!

        2. Ted S.   12 years ago

          Taxes are a vig combined with extortion.

        3. Night Elf Mohawk   12 years ago

          Every so often, I show my daughters the youtube video of the lawyer telling you never, ever to talk to cops. And I emphasize that they should never, ever talk to cops.

          If they are arrested, they can give their name, address, and DOB. Other than that, nothing, no matter what the cop says. If the cop says I said it was OK, he's lying unless he says a word they'd expect.

          They know never to consent to searches, as well.

          Hopefully, they'll never be in a position that it will matter.

          1. Ted S.   12 years ago

            If the cop says I said it was OK, he's lying unless he says a word they'd expect.

            So you've taught your daughters a safe word? There's something creepy about that.

            1. Night Elf Mohawk   12 years ago

              Yeah, I taught them that someone other than a relative saying "Your dad got hurt/had car trouble/is ill and you need to come with me" is probably, but possibly not, bullshit. If you think it's creepy that I gave them a way to distinguish the bullshit from the legit, I guess we'll just disagree on that one.

              I also taught them that the guy in the car who wants them to help find his puppy is a liar, along with various other things that made it safer for them to go out and have a life without my having to hover.

            2. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

              I thought all parents were supposed to have safe words with their kids?

              1. Virginian   12 years ago

                Yeah well we called them passwords. I didn't ever remember mine.

      2. Ted S.   12 years ago

        He's developed an unrealistic fear of police officers.

        Doesn't sound unrealistic to me.

    3. Ted S.   12 years ago

      I don't know whether I'd like a Sturmabteilung right.

    4. Loki   12 years ago

      ...we sit down and talk to our kids about the Constitution and guns and safety. My son can use every single weapon I have in the house from the AK-47 to .38 special.

      Truly this man is a monster. Someonw notify CPS at once. /sarc

  6. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    No way will I ever go on a cruise. I don't care if it's for free. No way.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....-land.html

    1. Counterfly   12 years ago

      I'm with you, the only cruise I'd ever go on is Tom Cruise.

      wai

      1. gaijin   12 years ago

        a 3 hour cruise?

        1. Counterfly   12 years ago

          If he's lucky.

      2. Red Rocks Rockin   12 years ago

        Yeah, but then you have to listen to him proselytize to you afterwards. I can't see how it's worth it.

    2. Joe M   12 years ago

      My wife and I went on a Caribbean cruise on Carnival back in 2006 and had an absolute blast.

      1. SIV   12 years ago

        People who contract norovirus blast all over the place.

      2. Ted S.   12 years ago

        Was the blast a jihadi or a domestic non-far-leftwing terrorist?

      3. Joe M   12 years ago

        Actually, on our second cruise to Alaska in 2008, there was a bit of food poisoning going around. You'd hear announcements over the loudspeakers, "If you see anyone vomiting, report it immediately. Enjoy your lunch."

    3. wareagle   12 years ago

      been on four and all were great.

      1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

        Being that I don't like crowds and I'm slightly claustrophobic, the idea of being confined to a floating hotel full of strangers fills me with dread.

        1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

          My wife and I hate people too. We are NOT joiners. And I can say that avoiding people (in terms of actual interaction with them) can be all but completely avoided. You needn't talk with anyone other than the crew, and you'd still have a great time.

          1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

            If I want to go to a big hotel I'll go to Vegas. At least there I can escape to the desert or some dam or canyon or something.

            1. Counterfly   12 years ago

              I've done, and enjoyed, both. That being said, I'd never go on a cruise again, but I can't wait to go to Vegas again.

    4. itsnotmeitsyou   12 years ago

      I think they misapprehend the meaning of the term Quantum. It's not just some flashy sci fi word and it certainly doesn't mean FREAKING HUGE. Quite the opposite, in fact.

      Maybe it's an ironic name, like the 300lb biker named Tiny.

      1. $park?   12 years ago

        You know, I always think the same thing when I hear people talking about a 'quantum leap' in something-or-other.

        1. Counterfly   12 years ago

          I don't know, I mean a cruise ship can certainly be a quantum. I don't think you could have a piece of one.

          1. itsnotmeitsyou   12 years ago

            I don't think you could have a piece of one.

            Tell that to the Titanic.

            A ship could technically be a quantum, if you define the unit of measurement in ships. However, quantum always refers to the smallest unit possible. So, referring to the largest ship you've ever made as a Quantum is just stupid.

            1. Counterfly   12 years ago

              Unless they're trying to infer that anything smaller/lesser than the Quantum is not a cruise ship.

              A kind of no true Scotsmen nautical take down. Then again, they have smaller ones themselves, so I don't know.

        2. AuH20   12 years ago

          What if they're talking about the greatest show ever committed to film, Quantum Leap?

          1. $park?   12 years ago

            Discussions of the greatest show of all times are fine.

        3. robc   12 years ago

          On the scale it is working, the steps between two quanta is a huge leap.

      2. generic Brand   12 years ago

        Royal Caribbean goes on weird naming runs for their cruise ship classes. They started out relatively normal with Monarch and Princess classes, but the last few have been Oasis, Freedom (my favorite!) and now Quantum. They don't mean anything really.

    5. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

      I went on a 12 nighter last year to Norway. I'm going on another 12 nighter to the arctic circle (also in Norway) next year.

      Cruising is good.

      1. Ted S.   12 years ago

        The Hurtigrute?

        Isn't that monstrously expensive?

        1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

          I go on Celebrity.

          It ain't cheap, but monumentally expensive is a long ways off. For our next cruise, we're looking at less than $8500 for 4 people's passage.

    6. AuH20   12 years ago

      Are those river cruise things any good? That seems ideal to me. You can get the fuck out any time, and there are some cool rivers in places (like an Eastern European one would be really cool)

      1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

        You can't "get out" of a river cruise any more than a cruise at sea. With the exception of transatlantic cruises, all of them have ports of call nearly every day.

        1. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

          Yeah, but when the engine breaks down on a river cruise, the swim isn't nearly as far.

          1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

            True enough.

            But that just isn't something I'm worried about as I don't cruise on Carnival.

    7. PapayaSF   12 years ago

      I think I would. Cruise ships have had so much bad publicity with bad food that they know they have to be extra careful or they'll go bankrupt. I imagine that they are taking extreme measures regarding hygiene these days.

  7. Virginian   12 years ago

    Texas Soldier Arrested for 'Rudely Displaying' Weapon

    http://www.nationalreview.com/.....cj-grisham

    With blood boiling video of jackbooted thug.

    1. Counterfly   12 years ago

      "My son and I were on a ten-mile hike so that he could earn his hiking merit badge ? it's the last badge he needs to become an Eagle Scout."

      How in the hell do you get your Citizenship Merit Badge before Hiking. Hiking is like the easiest one. Citizenship you had to write a paper. It's why I retired as a Life Scout or something. Whichever one is below Eagle. Because no way am I writing a freaking paper.

    2. Drake   12 years ago

      Well, he didn't fuck with the kid for taping the whole thing. And when it's all over (since it's in Texas) the soldier will have his rifle back without charges.

      Hopefully the idiot cop will be punished.

      1. Counterfly   12 years ago

        Thanks, I needed a good laugh this morning.

      2. Rich   12 years ago

        Well, he didn't fuck with the kid for taping the whole thing.

        Yet. "In this day and age."

        Let's see how this thing turns out.

  8. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Candice Swanepoel goes for a walk without a bra.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....riend.html

    1. Counterfly   12 years ago

      Alert my pants!

    2. Ted S.   12 years ago

      Charles Schumer does that all the time.

      1. Counterfly   12 years ago

        Belay that alert.

    3. robc   12 years ago

      Maybe she read the french study.

    4. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

      She's got a nose like Shock G/Humptey Hump.

  9. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    ...must appear in court later this week for allegedly trespassing on his ex-wife's property.

    That's the problem with a libertarian-leaning Republican. He thinks he owns property he bought.

    1. Ed   12 years ago

      +1

    2. Virginian   12 years ago

      When you're married, you own your house. Unless your wife decides she doesn't want you living there anymore. Then you need to move out. But keep paying the mortgage.

  10. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Mark Sanford Trespassed At Jenny Sanford's Home: Lawyer
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....96176.html

    Former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford must appear in court two days after running for a vacant congressional seat to answer a complaint that he trespassed at his ex-wife's home, according to court documents acquired by The Associated Press on Tuesday.

    The complaint says Jenny Sanford confronted Sanford leaving her Sullivans Island home on Feb. 3 by a rear door, using his cell phone for a flashlight. Her attorney filed the complaint the next day and Jenny Sanford confirmed Tuesday the documents are authentic.

    1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

      whoops - thought this wasn't in the links... too much fast reading on my part.

    2. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

      I remember when that weird freak was a favorite of John's here.

  11. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    Rachel Bilson. Yum.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....ensen.html

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      Let's be honest, that chick is so small, ANY bikini that fits will be tiny. Or else, she's dating a European basketball player.

      1. Joe M   12 years ago

        The all-knowing Internet says she is 5'2".

        1. Virginian   12 years ago

          Yeah she's fun size all right. I do like.

        2. Fluffy   12 years ago

          That's the perfect size.

          Honestly, anything over 5'3" is just too damn large.

          1. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

            Good, more sexy 5'7 women for me.

          2. deified   12 years ago

            Uh, ok, whatever dude. I'll take Bridget Moynihan and Gisele Bundchen.

            1. Fluffy   12 years ago

              Tom Brady is what, 6'4"? He can get away with that.

              For the moment.

              But the problem with dating a woman who's 5'8" or above is that it only works when she's really, really thin. As soon as she gains even a little weight, POOF! she's a linebacker. If Gisele ever gains any weight, given her height, Tom is going to wake up in the middle of the night, roll over to spoon her, and say, "Vince! Vince Wilfork! Get the fuck out of my bed, man, I've told you before I'm not into that!"

              1. Rasilio   12 years ago

                " "Vince! Vince Wilfork! Get the fuck out of my bed, man, I've told you before I'm not into that!""

                You so sure about that?

          3. Virginian   12 years ago

            Well I'm 6'1, so as long as she's shorter then me I'm ok with it.

            But I do have a taste for the ones below 5'5.

            1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

              I like being to scale. I'm 5'2" and always dated tall guys and only now realize how much I was needlessly hurting my neck.

              1. Virginian   12 years ago

                If you wear crazy stripper heels, that's not a problem.

                1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                  I have a 5" limit, because platform pumps are a crime against nature.

                  True story: my parents differ in height by 16 inches and my mom wore 7" heels in their wedding. And still looks like a midget in the photos.

              2. Restoras   12 years ago

                how much I was needlessly hurting my neck

                Ummm....yur doin' it wrong?

                1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                  I don't think I'm "looking up" wrong.

            2. Night Elf Mohawk   12 years ago

              4'10" to 5'4" is the way to go, imo.

              Being to scale would freak me out.

              1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                I should be more clear: by "to scale" I mean he is still 6" taller. But doesn't that put you in a situation like my parents? Aren't you the giant?

                1. Night Elf Mohawk   12 years ago

                  "Giant" is very hurtful. You won't see me at the pancake social. You people who can walk through doorways and under ceiling fans without ducking should check your privilege.

                  I'm 6'9" and being with a woman within 6" of me would be quite odd. I'm reasonably certain I've never dated someone over 5'7".

                  Yeah, it's a situation like your parents. 17" difference. When it came time to kiss the bride, my sister said, "Wait!" and brought out a stool for the wife.

                  I generally don't realize how freakish I look until I see myself in photos with average sized people.

                  1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                    That's awesome about the wedding. Short people totally do have privilege. We almost never have to duck, can squeeze into smaller spaces, are more comfortable on planes, and get to take better baths. Whereas my dad is way shorter than you and still can hardly fit in most cars.

      2. mr simple   12 years ago

        Hayden Christensen

        No she's dating the whiny boy that helped ruin* the Star Wars franchise.

        *Sure Lucas did most of the damage, but Christensen did his part too.

    2. robc   12 years ago

      The O.C. actress shared that she tries her best to be the best girlfriend possible

      No comment necessary.

      1. Virginian   12 years ago

        Waiting for the feminists to castigate her for that

  12. sarcasmic   12 years ago

    End of the Samurai: Stunning portraits of Japan's warrior class captures men at the height of their power before 19th century demise

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new.....emise.html
    Pictures include warriors committing harakiri. Pretty gruesome.

    1. Counterfly   12 years ago

      Very cool.

      I was disappointed because you said gruesome. And it wasn't.

      1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

        There's a difference between seeing pictures of people with swords sticking out of the bellies and knowing it is fake, and seeing pictures of people with swords sticking out of their bellies and knowing it is real.

        1. Counterfly   12 years ago

          Wierd. I literally can't concieve of thinking like that.

        2. Warty   12 years ago

          You're not talking about swords anymore, are you?

        3. Azathoth!!   12 years ago

          Yes, and this was the former.

    2. John   12 years ago

      That is way cool. You have to love the Daily Fail. Would the Post or the Times ever do something like that? It is bad enough our papers are mindlessly liberal. But why do they have to be mindlessly boring too?

      1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

        When the news in a totalitarian state is more interesting than the supposedly freest country in the world, you've got to stop and wonder.

    3. Gray Ghost   12 years ago

      Weird. Didn't photographs back then require a very long exposure time? So the guy is supposed to hold his pose after he's stuck himself?

      The reason I'm skeptical is that the second doesn't look ready to swing his katana and AIUI, in Hari-Kiri (or Seppuku) the second is supposed to swing pretty much as soon as the participant thrusts. To avoid the disgrace of showing pain from cutting yourself open, I guess.

      I've read of IJA officers critiquing others' performances by how long they lasted before motioning the second to decapitate them, and conversely, ripping guys for being weak for having the second start swinging before he even thrust the blade in.

      Hard life, being a Japanese Army officer.

      1. Virginian   12 years ago

        Yeah the old school was to make the full belly cut, without a sound and with a stone face. Then they got soft with it, sometimes the second would even swing as the guy stabbed himself.

        The other key thing is the second needs to swing with the proper amount of force. The head should roll free onto the lap, not hang on by a flap of skin or go flying and rolling across the floor.

        1. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

          and also to put on makeup and fast beforehand so half-digested food didn't spell out. So, like a suicidal runway model

          1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

            Yukio Mishima will teach you how to do it right. I mean, aside from that time when he actually demonstrated it.

            1. Gray Ghost   12 years ago

              Thanks for the link, Nicole. I thought his name sounded familiar, but couldn't remember why. The wiki for how he died is darkly hilarious. I guess it's harder to cut a head off than it looks.

              What a very talented man. And obviously very disturbed.

              1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                You're welcome. Mishima's style is not for everyone, but if you like it, shit he is a hell of a writer. And "Patriotism" is great.

            2. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

              the makeup and food points were learnt from an old interview with the erstwhile Hiraoka Kimitake!

  13. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

    Mark Sanford, who resigned the governorship of South Carolina over an extramarital affair with an Argentine journalist and is now running against Stephen Colbert's sister for the congressional seat vacated by Tim Scott

    I love it when journalists take stories from The Onion seriously.

    1. RBS   12 years ago

      I live in SC an nobody around here even knows who Colbert's sister is. She won her primary because her brother is semi famous. Then again, Charleston is full progtards.

  14. Virginian   12 years ago

    http://pjmedia.com/blog/sen-fe.....me-amount/

    Feinstein whines about NRA money, despite the fact that Bloomberg easily matches their funding with his massive cash reserves.

    1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

      Feinstein whines about NRA money, despite the fact that Bloomberg easily matches their funding with his massive cash reserves.

      But . . . but . . . OUTSIDE MONEYZ!!11one!!!

    2. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

      Its her own fault no bill will pass. She tried to lard up legislation with that AWB.

      1. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

        Somebody circle this date on the calendar.

        1. Zeb   12 years ago

          It seems to produce a reasonable comment every few moths or so.

          1. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

            every few moths or so.
            Yeah. Must be at least a couple flying around between his ears.

      2. Ted S.   12 years ago

        Who's going to pick up the pieces when the AWB doesn't pass?

        1. gaijin   12 years ago

          +1

    3. AuH20   12 years ago

      And this is why I come off as a jerk in political discussions: Because I will argue that random group/billionaire X has the right to spend as much money on any issue as they want.

      That seems not to square with most people, because people assign mystical mind changing properties to money.

      1. Ted S.   12 years ago

        And this is why I come off as a jerk in political discussions:

        Don't you always come off as a jerk? :-p

      2. generic Brand   12 years ago

        If that makes you a jerk then I'm some sort of mega-jerk... I'd need Epi around to provide a ruling.

        But I take it one step further and ask what's preventing the people complaining about billionaire A's spending from either campaigning for billionaire B to spend on the opposite, or pooling their own money and forming a PAC to advertise. They don't like being confronted with facts and other such nonsense.

      3. $park?   12 years ago

        That's not the only reason.

      4. gaijin   12 years ago

        Without disagreeing with your first point about the right to spend your money, I do believe that money can change people's minds. It's nothing mystical. I do all sorts of things for money that I would rather not.

        1. Virginian   12 years ago

          Yeah my vote is definitely for sale. I would vote the way someone paid for me for oh....10,000 or so.

    4. KPres   12 years ago

      I read somewhere that the NRA ranked 334th in terms of total money spent by a lobbying organization. Which is why I hind it hilarious when the progtards claim that the NRA is some massively influential group that's hijacked democracy or something stupid like that.

  15. Fist of Etiquette   12 years ago

    Two rockets were lobbed into southern Israel, apparently from the Egypt-controlled Sinai.

    Lobbed as a verb has such a benign feel to it. Unless you're talking about rockets or jarts, I suppose.

    1. Tim   12 years ago

      "Lobbed" indicates a sport and let's face it, lobbing rockets is the Palestinian national game.

    2. Brett L   12 years ago

      Lobbed as a verb has such a benign feel to it

      Grenades.

      1. $park?   12 years ago

        I thought you were supposed to chuck grenades.

        1. Tim   12 years ago

          No, you launch them.

          1. Counterfly   12 years ago

            That's what Israel does. Things that go INTO Israel are lobbed, lofted or gifted.

          2. Brett L   12 years ago

            Not everyone has an underslung launcher for their AR-15, nor the correct barrel attachment for their Garand.

            1. Tim   12 years ago

              What does the REASON style book say about describing grenades? Anyone?

              1. I Dug It   12 years ago

                The Reason Style Book says "throw" is preferred when referring to grenades. The rule is hard to find because it's in the chapter on the Second Amendment. ;-P

            2. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

              Not everyone has an underslung launcher for their AR-15, nor the correct barrel attachment for their Garand.

              Thank Jeebus for the AWB!

  16. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    Man Called 911 to Complain about Mom
    http://www.wtsp.com/news/artic.....s-arrested

    You know who else complained about their mom?

    1. Question of Auban   12 years ago

      Howard Wolowitz from the Big Bang Theory?

      1. Mr. Soul   12 years ago

        Francis from Malcolm in the Middle?

    2. Tim   12 years ago

      Episiarch?

      1. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

        No. Epi complains about your mother.

    3. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

      Portnoy?

    4. Counterfly   12 years ago

      Adam Lanza?

    5. Alack   12 years ago

      Oedipus?

    6. Ice Nine   12 years ago

      Lizzie Borden?

    7. Ted S.   12 years ago

      Norman Bates?

    8. Gbob   12 years ago

      Ignatius Jacques Reilly?

    9. Alack   12 years ago

      Freud?

    10. Rich   12 years ago

      Melissa Harris-Perry?

      1. PapayaSF   12 years ago

        That's the best "You know who else..." thread in quite some time. Congrats, all of you.

  17. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

    damn squirrels

    Squirrel knocks out power to 3 Tampa schools on first day of FCAT
    http://www.wtsp.com/news/artic.....ay-of-FCAT

    1. Brett L   12 years ago

      Yeah. "Squirrels".

    2. mr lizard   12 years ago

      Actually those same squirrels knocked out the water treatment plant last month.

    3. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

      Just another case of lethal fauna running amok in Florida. Squirrels, with their cunning and their creepsy little handses. . . .

      1. LTC(ret) John   12 years ago

        Looks like they will have to be put on the menu at Mounty Python's.

        1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

          I dunno, we're pretty strictly nonmammalian. Maybe we could employ them?

    4. Agammamon   12 years ago

      What do you mean, "*They* cut the power"? How could they cut the power, man? They're animals!

  18. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

    Anyone watch Margaret Thatcher's funeral? I rather enjoyed watching the bearded communist bishop trying to keep it civil.

    1. $park?   12 years ago

      bearded communist bishop

      Is that what kids are calling it these days?

      1. Counterfly   12 years ago

        It was split faced hair shark back in my day.

  19. Question of Auban   12 years ago

    Eyewitness: Authorities "Must Have Known" About Bombing

    http://www.infowars.com/eyewit.....t-bombing/

  20. Brett L   12 years ago

    The government of Cyprus will be selling a portion of its gold reserves to raise money to secure an EU/IMF bailout.

    Can't wait until the US Treasury has to follow suit.

    1. Question of Auban   12 years ago

      Are you of the opinion the U.S Treasury actually has any gold?

      1. Counterfly   12 years ago

        I thought McClane stopped Gruber?

      2. Brett L   12 years ago

        Sure. I saw it in Die Hard 3. Or is that the Fed?

    2. Heedless   12 years ago

      Shouldn't they have done this before they stole from their banking systems depositors and completely fucked themselves?

      1. PapayaSF   12 years ago

        My thought, exactly. "We'll have to steal money from bank depositors and destroy confidence in our entire economy!"

        "Don't we have tons of gold?"

        "Yeah, what about it?"

  21. Karl Hungus   12 years ago

    The man Darth Vader choked using The Force in Star Wars has died.

    1. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

      yes, but that was a long long time ago and in a galaxy far away, so it's scarcely Morning Links material. Brickbats, yes

    2. Joe M   12 years ago

      I knew that incident caused irreparable damage.

    3. Tim   12 years ago

      What a sad fucking obituary. Still, he's more famous than I'll ever be.

      1. Counterfly   12 years ago

        But possibly not as infamous, if you play your cards right.

        1. Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz   12 years ago

          Will that make the Tim the most famous poster to every come out of reason?

      2. Karl Hungus   12 years ago

        Sounds like he had a good life to me.

        But you have a point. I've never understood the point of making fun of an actor who never made it off the 'B' list. No matter what, that person experienced fame and - at least in this guy's case - will be remembered by many, many people for years to come. That's more than can be said for most of the rest of us.

        1. Tim   12 years ago

          'How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus. '

          1. Karl Hungus   12 years ago

            'How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus.'

            You're not, and that's the point.

    4. gaijin   12 years ago

      After being choked, if they put him on the millenium falcon and flew him through hyperspace, couldn't they dump him at a point in time before he died, where he could live his days over and over and over on some Empire-sanctioned retirement planet?

      1. Karl Hungus   12 years ago

        One of the commentors on the article:

        "I found his lack of faith disturbing."

      2. Zeb   12 years ago

        No. In the Star Wars universe they just ignore the time effects of FTL travel.

        1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

          What time effects? Observable time dilation comes from someone traveling close to the speed of light relative to an observer not doing so. They went through hyperspace, skirting the whole business, right?

          Do we have a hyperspacial physics expert to explain?

          1. $park?   12 years ago

            That's what I thought. You jump up into hyperspace then back down to your destination, like bouncing a signal off a satellite.

          2. Gray Ghost   12 years ago

            The thought is that FTL travel always implies time travel due to special relativity, per the wiki. Plus there are causality issues. No, I don't understand it either, and usually check out of the conversation when they start mentioning 'intersecting light cones' and the like.

            1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

              I think that's sheer speculation, since we have no fucking idea. Not like we've had the opportunity to test FTL effects.

          3. Zeb   12 years ago

            Well, that's sort of what I mean. Even with hyperspace and assuming that you can always pop out of it at the "right" time, there is no absolute synchronicity between far flung locations. So from someone's perspective, there has to be time travel when you have very rapid space travel.

            This is not addressed very well in much Science Fiction.

    5. PapayaSF   12 years ago

      Paolo Soleri died. Not a libertarian in his designs, but he did some nice work.

      I worked at Arcosanti one summer in the '70s, and much of my distrust of the major media came from a 60 Minutes piece on the place a few years later. It was an astonishingly heavy-handed hatchet job. E.g. they had to cart their camera quite some distance across a rattlesnake-infested area and climb a cliff in order to get a shot that made the site look as small as possible. They showed pictures of typical construction site waste and claimed that it contradicted the stated ecological goals, even though we did things like pull nails out of scrap lumber to reuse. Etc.

  22. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

    \m/

    1. $park?   12 years ago

      /w\

    2. Warty   12 years ago

      Yes.

      1. Counterfly   12 years ago

        Come on, blocked from the tube, what is it?!?!

        1. Warty   12 years ago

          Canucks doing an excellent job ripping off mid-2000s Mastodon. Very good stuff.

          1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

            This is exactly what it is.

            And it is very good.

    3. gaijin   12 years ago

      Very nice.

  23. wareagle   12 years ago

    Most. Transparent. Administration. Ever.

    https://www.techdirt.com/ articles/20130416/08344222725/congress-quickly- quietly-rolls-back-insider- trading-rules-itself.shtml

    1. wareagle   12 years ago

      BTW - eliminate the spaces; they are there due to 50-character limit on words.

      1. $park?   12 years ago

        Because I'm a nice guy, let me help you.

        1. SugarFree   12 years ago

          Because I'm a nice guy

          IT'S A TRAP!

    2. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

      The STOCK Act is a meaningless joke of a bill. And Congress rubber-stamped the reporting delay in that bill.

    3. db   12 years ago

      Obama could boost his approval by publicly denouncing and vetoing this, given Congress's abysmal approval ratings. All he'd have to do is demonstrate a committment to reining in the culture of cronyism that is-- *snort*--that is destroy--*snort*--ing the noble culture-*snort*-once represented by our faithful and selfless public serv-*hahahahahahahahaha**snort*

      *thump*

      1. Michael S. Langston   12 years ago

        No way - as many of these individuals in congress and the senate who wanted this will still be around if/when any votes come up to investigate this administration (or early release any docs they wish).

        IE - he won't because he needs their protection.

  24. Emily T   12 years ago

    FYI Mark Sanford didn't resign his governorship; he served out his term.

  25. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

    served out his term
    Is that what the kids are calling it?

  26. sloopyinca   12 years ago

    Not even I could make this up: Trial for one-armed lesbian suing officer for excessive force delayed after expert witness declared unable to attend trial.

    1. Counterfly   12 years ago

      You had me at one-armed lesbian.

      1. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

        Dr. Adder II

        1. SIV   12 years ago

          One of the finest English-language novels of the second half of the 20th century.

    2. Joe M   12 years ago

      Hollis lost an arm in a 1996 work accident and witness statements depict Biskup having a difficult time handcuffing this suspect as she reportedly resisted with violence.

      Probably the fact that she only had one arm made it difficult to handcuff her in the "traditional" way as well.

    3. Virginian   12 years ago

      How do you handcuff someone with one arm? I mean, If I had one arm you could run the other cuff through my belt. But what if the suspect isn't wearing a belt?

      1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

        A lesbian without a belt? That's like a lesbian without a flannel shirt.

      2. sloopyinca   12 years ago

        Are you insinuating that the lesbian in question wasn't wearing comfortable pants?

        And when you answer, remember that this is a Key West lesbian.

      3. gaijin   12 years ago

        How do you handcuff someone with one arm?

        I believe it's called a Stork. You cuff the wrist to the ankle. At least that's what they did on Dexter 😉

        1. Virginian   12 years ago

          Flamingo, not stork.

          1. gaijin   12 years ago

            ah yes. and more appropos of Miami certainly.

    4. Brett L   12 years ago

      Hollis lost an arm in a 1996 work accident and witness statements depict Biskup having a difficult time handcuffing this suspect as she reportedly resisted with violence.

      Also, its Key West, so this is like 4/10 on the weird scale.

    5. SIV   12 years ago

      Lesbian domestic violence isn't news. Lesbian couples who don't engage in domestic violence, now that would be news!

      1. John   12 years ago

        All those hormones in one relationship.

      2. Fluffy   12 years ago

        Since when a woman hits her partner it's not domestic violence because she's "jus' a gurl", by definition domestic violence can't occur in lesbian relationships.

        When one spouse murders another in a lesbian relationship, the cops just show up, scratch their heads, and say, "Must have been an Act of God."

    6. Eduard van Haalen   12 years ago

      Female, gay *and* disabled? She won the Trifecta!

  27. sloopyinca   12 years ago

    Albuquerque police royally fuck up in violation of the 4A. But don't worry, none of the cops are being disciplined...even the one that was convicted for lying under oath in a recent DUI case.

    1. AuH20   12 years ago

      The sad thing is that the reason this will get any airtime at all is that it effected the QB of the pathetic local college team. Affect? Effect? I always fuck that up.

      But seriously, Albuquerque: Grow up as a city. You're not Ann Arbor, you're not Columbus, stop treating UNM like its a freaking high school team. And even if you could become Ann Arbor or Columbus, you shouldn't, because those places are shit holes.

      1. Virginian   12 years ago

        Oh I know all about the ABQ. Shit's crazy there. This guy Heisenberg runs the meth business, and he's one dangerous dude.

        1. AuH20   12 years ago

          We also are constantly dealing with relocated federal witnesses going nuts. Oh, and sometimes aliens show up to do battle with the local ranchers.

          But the meth's great and the weather's nice, and really, what more do you need in life?

          1. Gray Ghost   12 years ago

            Good luck finding a lawyer willing to sue the ABQ city government or police, if Mary Han's story is any judge. Isn't NM supposed to be astoundingly corrupt for the number of people it has?

            Too bad, as the scenery is quite pretty and I love the food.

            1. AuH20   12 years ago

              Its like Illinois, if Illinois lacked the national clout to make every story of its corruption a national news story.

              Of recent governors, I think only Gary Johnson left without a cloud of scandal/charges.

            2. Red Rocks Rockin   12 years ago

              Isn't NM supposed to be astoundingly corrupt for the number of people it has?

              Yeah, but that goes back centuries. Spanish governors instilled a tradiation of patronage, and the whole Lincoln County war basically started over quarrels between trade monopoly factions. The state is one of the biggest sinks for federal dollars, and 70 percent of the births in NM are paid for by Medicaid.

              Like I've said before, without the government, NM would instantly go back to what it was for hundreds of years before the 20th century, which is a bigass glorified sheep ranch.

        2. Dr. Frankenstein   12 years ago

          I guess there would be a lot of uncertainty in the meth business.

          1. Gray Ghost   12 years ago

            + 1/2 h-bar.

      2. Zeb   12 years ago

        Affect. Effect as a verb mean to bring about or cause to happen.

      3. generic Brand   12 years ago

        Affect? Effect? I always fuck that up.

        Affect is the verb... "affected the QB of..."

        Effect is the noun... "the only effect is on the QB of..."

        hth 🙂

      4. AlmightyJB   12 years ago

        Columbus is not a shithole. There are places in Columbus that are, particularly east side but overall it's a pretty nice place if you can deal with the weather.

        1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

          I'll agree to this. Not a shithole. But dull and with surprisingly little sun.

          I liked the northwest part of the area okay--Dublin, Worthington.

          1. AlmightyJB   12 years ago

            I'm in Hilliard which borders Dublin to the south. There's tons of places to eat and drink. All within 20 minutes of each other. 30 at extreme opposites of the city. There's actually a lot going on here.

            1. Pro Libertate   12 years ago

              Booorrrrrinnngg.

    2. Austrian Anarchy   12 years ago

      Isn't that the same place where hookers work for McNuggets?

      1. Red Rocks Rockin   12 years ago

        Green chile cheeseburgers.

        1. Agammamon   12 years ago

          To be fair - those are some awesome cheeseburgers.

    3. Red Rocks Rockin   12 years ago

      APD has been absolutely ridiculous the past few years. If there's any instance of officer abuse that you could think of, they've probably committed it recently.

  28. SugarFree   12 years ago

    Of small penises and large vaginas, the hypocrisy is once again on display at Jezebel.

    1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

      Ted Danson supposedly described sex with Whoopie Goldberg as "Swinging a bat in a cave."

      1. I Dug It   12 years ago

        IJTUALIMM

      2. SugarFree   12 years ago

        I always heard it was "Throwing a hot dog down a hallway."

      3. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

        Why would a famous actor, who presumably has the pick of many star-struck young ladies, fuck Whoopie Goldberg???

        1. sarcasmic   12 years ago

          Why would a famous actor, who presumably has the pick of many star-struck young ladies, ANYONE fuck Whoopie Goldberg???

          --ftfy

          1. PapayaSF   12 years ago

            I met her once. Not my type, but smart and funny and not bad looking as black women go.

            I also met her mother, who was wearing a silver ring made to look like a circle of people engaging in group sex.

    2. John   12 years ago

      Making fun of a man's penis is fighting the patriarchy!!

    3. Warty   12 years ago

      sylphidesUBobLobLaw20131L
      I've had a mountain of dicks in my life, like closer to 50 partners, and 5.5" seems average. 7 is not a RARITY, but it's definitely not common. Yesterday 9:46pm

      "Mountain of Dicks." Thanks for naming my new band, you dirty whooore.

      1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

        As if it wasn't already named that.

      2. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

        it would be a great name for one's country retreat too

        1. db   12 years ago

          Or a nice over-55 gated community:
          "Hidden Valley at Mountain of Dicks"

          1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

            Or a nice over-55 gated community:
            "Hidden Valley at Mountain of Dicks"

            Wouldn't "Dry Valley at Mountain of Dicks" be more apt?

            1. Counterfly   12 years ago

              Breezy Canyon

              1. db   12 years ago

                The corner of Tumbleweed Boulevard and Sandy Spring Road is where it's happening.

        2. Brett L   12 years ago

          Well, only if you're named Richard.

      3. AuH20   12 years ago

        Translated into a foreign language, that is an excellent name for a political prison.

        1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

          Is that what "Abu Ghraib" means in Pashtun?

          1. LTC(ret) John   12 years ago

            Arabic.

            Reminds me of a joke about the Egyptian that moved to Iraq, and he wants to be a friendly neighbor. He sees two women parting company, and one woman mutters "so long, umm luuima" Now that happens to mean "Mother of Dicks" in the local slang, but the Egyptian thinks that luuima is the child of the woman, so he seizes on it and greets the neighbor next time he sees her "Good Morning, Umm Luuima". She screams and throws her market basket at him and goes to get her husband. The Egyptian is confused. The neighbor man comes storming out and the Egyptian says to him "what is wrong, Abu Luuima?" (Father of Dicks). The man flattens him with a punch and stalks off. As the Egyptian tries to get up, the son pelts him with rocks from the roof of the house. "Not you too, Luuima!" (Dicks) the Eygptian exclaims.

      4. $park?   12 years ago

        and 5.5" seems average. 7 is not a RARITY, but it's definitely not common

        Great, now I'm going to have to measure my dick when I get home.

        1. T   12 years ago

          You'll just lie about it, anyway.

          That's why my stock answer when asked is "long enough".

        2. Rich   12 years ago

          Just remember, $park?, that's the *flaccid* length.

          1. $park?   12 years ago

            Hmm, I can probably stretch it that far.

      5. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

        Whoo!!! Above average! Well, the average sample obtained by some weirdo who posts on Jezebel, anyway.

      6. generic Brand   12 years ago

        Depends how old this chick is as to whether 50 partners is a shit ton. If she's still in her 20s or early 30s, then that is definitely a lot, girl or guy I would say. But if she's in her 40s or 50s or older, that's not that crazy, other than the fact that a 40 or 50 year old is saying "mountain of dicks".

        1. John   12 years ago

          Yeah. But even then, if she is 45 and has been with 50 guys, that means she never married, which probably means she is crazy.

        2. BakedPenguin   12 years ago

          "barrelful of pickles."

        3. Agammamon   12 years ago

          Yeah, 50 partners is crazy even for a 50 year old.

          You'd be talking averaging more than one new partner a year for every year of her post-puberty life.

          Especially considering that the average number of lifetime partners (reported) is around 6.

      7. gaijin   12 years ago

        So the female version is Space Mountain?

    4. sloopyinca   12 years ago

      This video is pertinent.

    5. Brett L   12 years ago

      Remember, if a man can't satisfy a woman because of his penis size, that's worthy of ridicule, if you insinuate that not all vaginas are the same size, that's ugly misogyny.

    6. AuH20   12 years ago

      Can I say how funny it is to Jez's resident house male, Ari Schwartz, get his ass handed to him by an actual male in the comments?

      Because it's pretty funny.

      1. Red Rocks Rockin   12 years ago

        Can I say how funny it is to Jez's resident house male, Ari Schwartz, get his ass handed to him by an actual male in the comments?

        Give poor Ari a break--he's probably already been emasculated by his mother most of his life for chasing shiksas, and having to interact with someone possessing legitimate testosterone would be a truly traumatic experience.

  29. Rich   12 years ago

    Mid-April Linked With National Tragedy

    Obviously the solution is a Total National Curfew April 7-21.

  30. John   12 years ago

    Hey, can the FBI find someone already so we in the media can use Boston to demonize some group? Any group? Come on guys.

    http://theothermccain.com/2013.....lame-game/

    1. Rich   12 years ago

      "I shouted out,
      Who killed the little boy?
      When after all
      It was you and me"

      1. John   12 years ago

        The so want it to be an angry white guy. The suspense is killing them.

        1. I Dug It   12 years ago

          Yesterday morning, NPR was saying that signs pointed to a domestic terrorist (which of course could only be a conservative). Today, they glumly allowed that the pressure-cooker technique is connected with Arab extremists ... but, they added cheerfully, ANYONE could have found out about it on the Internets!

          1. John   12 years ago

            If it turns out to be leftwing domestic terrorists, they will just stop talking about the story. It will become a local crime story.

        2. db   12 years ago

          Maybe it was Ryan Lanza, angry at the demonization of his brother and mother. Makes about as much sense as anything else these flapping mouths are spewing.

          1. John   12 years ago

            Or some OWS splinter group. OWS was huge in Boston.

            1. #   12 years ago

              For the same reason why if it was an anti government type, you would expect the attack to be on a Fed building, if it was an OWS person, why wouldn't they be attacking a bank or something?

              Neither one seems to make marathon the target. I'm guessing lone wacko at this point cause no group has claimed responsibility a la middle east bombings.

              1. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

                Noooo!!!! Lonewacko did it? Say it ain't so.

                All of you who helped write Lonewacko: The Novel will be receiving subpoenas.

                1. John   12 years ago

                  Like Lonewacko would be smart enough to build a bomb that worked. It would have to be a Lonewacko Dondero douche bag cell for the bombs to actually work.

              2. John   12 years ago

                It seems odd. But you never know. I think it is unlikely it is OWS or tax protestors. But it is not impossible. Eric Rudolph was an atheist anti abortion guy and he blew up the Olympics. There is no accounting for insanity.

            2. Restoras   12 years ago

              And marathoners are most certainly elitist 1%ers.

              1. John   12 years ago

                Cyclists Restoras. Cyclists and distance runners hate each other like snakes and mongooses.

                1. tarran   12 years ago

                  With good reason. Those fuckers move slowly, block the path, and their flailing arms unpredictably shoot away from their bodies, especially when they are staggering unpredictably.

                  Of the top four most injurious accidents I've had on my bike, three have been caused by runners, two of them when the runner lurched into the path of my bike.

                  I don't call for the extermination of all runners. That would be inhumane. However, people who suffer from this bizarre compulsion to jog do pose a danger to society, and should be given a choice of giving up their anti-social behaviors or, if they choose to continue performing it, there should be camps where they can concentrate on performing their exercises without posing a danger to the rest of society.

                  1. John   12 years ago

                    As an automobile driver, I feel exactly the same way about Cyclists tarran.

        3. Rich   12 years ago

          Would it still be OK if it were an FBI sting gone bad? I mean, given the angry white guy?

          1. John   12 years ago

            Sure because the FBI would never let it out that it was a sting gone bad. And even if they did, the media would never report it and let it ruin the narrative.

            1. Fluffy   12 years ago

              I'm leaning towards a Malvo scenario.

              There's actually somebody out there dumb enough to think that if he plants a couple of bombs he can call Menino and demand money.

              This is Boston we're talking about, after all. I bet half the population of Southie (native population that is) is that dumb.

              1. John   12 years ago

                I could see that. I think it is more than one person. But I could totally seeing it being one guy like Malvo and a flunky.

                Of course Malvo was a converted Muslim who wanted to kill infidel white people. Funny how they media wasn't interested in that fact after he was arrested.

                And we are talking about Mumbles Menino here. So it is not too crazy to think he would be dumb enough to pay extortion money.

                1. Gray Ghost   12 years ago

                  Fluffy's idea is interesting, but I don't think an extortionist would start out with something so large. My guess is that it's a local/group of locals.

                  Or a really well-read foreigner. I mean, did you know that the Boston Marathon was the second most attended sporting event in the US? Me neither. Yet the crank wasn't so well read as to know how to make a really effective bomb.

                  So, either a local crank or pair of them. Maybe even one of the wounded, if he fucked up the timer on one of the bombs. Or the group of firebrands at an area Masjid put down their fenjans and pistachios and decided to go blow something up. Which they may or may not have been induced to do by the helpful local outsider who just showed up to the school with a bunch of jihad manuals and cash.

                  1. John   12 years ago

                    I agree Ghost. It has to be a local. If you have never lived in Boston you are unlikely to have any idea how big of a deal Patriots' Day and the marathon are. If it was just some random foreign terrorist cell looking to blow up an American public event, they would have bombed a baseball game or something more nationally known. The marathon is just too specific to Boston.

                    1. Michael S. Langston   12 years ago

                      Maybe it's an obese person who think marathons, among other things, are pushing an unrealistic view of human appearance...

                      I mean if the media can speculate...

        4. Counterfly   12 years ago

          Actually, I'm getting a feeling that they kind of know it isn't and are super pre-disappointed.

          1. John   12 years ago

            They certainly suspect that it was some rogue AQ cell. You can almost feel the sadness and disappointment.

        5. Zeb   12 years ago

          Ideally it would be a communist, Native American lesbian acting alone. Then everyone will shut the fuck up.

          1. Rich   12 years ago

            A *one-armed* communist, Native American lesbian acting alone.

            1. AuH20   12 years ago

              THE FUGITIVE!

            2. T   12 years ago

              A one-armed communist Native Amercan lesbian left-handed midget albino acting alone.

              1. Mad Scientist   12 years ago

                They have a student union for girls like that.

        6. KPres   12 years ago

          They so want it to be an angry white guy. The suspense is killing them.

          Check out the headline from Salon...

          "Let's hope the Boston Marathon bomber is a white American"

          http://www.salon.com/2013/04/1....._american/

          It goes on to talk about "white privilege"...LOL!

          1. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

            White people are so privileged that when a bombing happens, it's automatically assumed that it was one of us. And in the absence of a white suspect, it's hoped that it was one of us.

            Fuck these people.

    2. generic Brand   12 years ago

      If it ends up being someone they don't want it to be, then the narrative changes to "You can't judge an entire group based on one crazed individual".

      Oh, you mean like you've done with EVERY SHOOTER IN THE LAST 50 YEARS???

      1. Zeb   12 years ago

        Only white male shooters.

    3. gaijin   12 years ago

      They are taking their time...to be sure that Richard Jewell doesn't get away with it this time.

      1. generic Brand   12 years ago

        Every time I see a comment with his name in it I keep thinking Harrison Ford in The Fugitive for some reason.

      2. robc   12 years ago

        It still pisses me off that he doesnt have a statue in centennial park.

        Fuck you Atlanta.

        1. db   12 years ago

          Like this one?

          http://en.wikipedia.org/w/inde.....ew_desktop

    4. Citizen Nothing   12 years ago

      I'm hoping it's a tax protester, so we can finally start the long-overdue, rational, serious national conversation about tax control.

      1. Rich   12 years ago

        You mean continue the conversation.

  31. John   12 years ago

    http://marathonpundit.blogspot.....-bill.html

    Boston bombs similar to what Obama mentor Bill Ayers wanted to plant at a dance on Fort Dix.

    1. Palin's Buttplug   12 years ago

      How has that Bill Ayers smear worked out for you wingnuts so far?

      1. John   12 years ago

        It is not a smear if it is true. He is Obama's political mentor. Obama started his career on Ayers advice. They both served on the Annenberg challenge board and were close friends up until Obama went into the Senate and became a national politician.

        It is what it is. Those are the circles Obama ran in and will return to once he leaves office. Come on Shreek, just be honest and admit you want to kill your political opponents and admire Ayers.

        1. PapayaSF   12 years ago

          I'd be happy if the left just admitted that they have far more connections with extremism and political violence than the right, despite their constant claims and insinuations to the contrary.

    2. Gray Ghost   12 years ago

      Tangential to that, since it appears from media reports now that the bombs' explosives was ordinary smokeless powder, how much more of a PITA will it be to get reloading components? Are we going to start treating IMR 4895 like Sudafed?

      I wouldn't have thought a pressure cooker could drive the pressure high enough to cause harm from burning smokeless powder, even if you sealed the relief valve. Learn something new everyday.

      1. John   12 years ago

        That scares me too. They are going to be able to tie this their favorite boogie man gunz!! no matter who it is.

  32. sloopyinca   12 years ago

    How to pick up chicks, Denver cop-style: Wait till somebody beats the shit out of them and then use your influence and position of power over the perpetrator and victim's lives to get into their panties.

    It's genius really, especially if your interactions with the general pubic use intimidation.

    1. Way Of The Crane   12 years ago

      It's genius really, especially if your interactions with the general pubic use intimidation.

      I see what you did there.

      1. mr simple   12 years ago

        Guess I should have checked the time stamp and refreshed. As usual, I was fashionably late.

    2. mr simple   12 years ago

      It's genius really, especially if your interactions with the general pubic use intimidation.

      I see what you did there.

  33. John   12 years ago

    http://washingtonexaminer.com/.....le/2527339

    Roofers' Union calls for the repeal of Obamacare. They probably don't like working 29 hours a week anymore than anyone else.

    1. Tim   12 years ago

      Wrong John, they're working 58 hours a week for two different companies and that's the bitch.

      1. John   12 years ago

        Ah. yeah, that probably is.

        1. Virginian   12 years ago

          That's what I'm doing. 29 at one job, another 27 or so at the other.

          1. John   12 years ago

            Welcome to Obama's America brought to you by the low information voter.

            1. Virginian   12 years ago

              Yeah, and I'm 24 so a lot of people I know are in the same boat. But they don't see any connection between their Obama support and the job market.

              1. John   12 years ago

                It just infuriates me to see what is happening in this country. Good people who want to work and earn a living are being to reduced to poverty by this asshole.

                1. Virginian   12 years ago

                  It's not poverty. That's the insidious thing. It's not the desperate grinding misery that breeds revolutions. It's creeping mediocrity. It's the dulling of the shining city, the shrinking of the American dream. Limits to growth, managing growth, smart growth...that's what they want. Wild, rampaging prosperity and explosive growths of wealth, sudden advances, these are annoyingly difficult to manage and control.

                  1. John   12 years ago

                    Here is one of the many ironies of the whole thing. Liberals always claim to be so worried about how employers exploit workers. Well, in a really tight job market, employees are fucked. You have no leverage when you are just thankful to have a job. That means your employer can treat you like total shit and there is nothing you can do about it. And they will do it to, especially in a tight job markets. In a lose job market, asshole employers tend to go out of business because they can't keep good people. In a tight job market they thrive because the good people often have no where else to go.

                    1. generic Brand   12 years ago

                      Excellent point John. It's sort of the reason I have stuck around at my job for two years now.

            2. Francisco d Anconia   12 years ago

              Can't we just pass a law prohibiting part time employees? That'll fix it.

              1. Michael S. Langston   12 years ago

                They basically have - way back when, MicroSoft had 30K or so "temp" employees, many of whom had worked full-time type hours for MS, but since they worked thru a contractor did not enjoy the same benes.

                They were sued and lost.

                Most other large companies who use contractors now have specific rules like - you can be a contractor for 3 years, but then must be made perm or must leave for at least 6 months to continue employment as "new" contractor.

    2. AuH20   12 years ago

      This would matter if blue collar workers still made up the bulk of unionized employees, but they don't. Its mostly government now, and they don't have to worry about their hours being cut ever.

      It's like the Keystone Pipeline, another "fuck you" to blue collar unions, but one that Obama correctly predicted won't hurt him among them.

      1. Zeb   12 years ago

        But SEQUESTER! Those poor suffering government employees.

      2. Chris Mallory   12 years ago

        The Blue Collar unions didn't vote. If Romney had actively courted them instead of telling Blue Collar whites to go fuck themselves he would have been elected.

  34. Enough About Palin   12 years ago

    God I love Drudge!

    Weiner's poll rising in NYC mayor race...

    1. John   12 years ago

      I am not sure how anyone wouldn't be a step up from Nanny Bloomburg.

      1. Question of Auban   12 years ago

        If I had to choose between Nanny Bloomburg and Rahm Emanuel for mayor I would move.

        1. John   12 years ago

          I would take Emanuel. Emanuel is just an old fashioned crook. Bad, but nothing we haven't seen before. Bloomberg is a real sicko. The guy is mentally unbalanced.

          1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

            Plus Rahm is actually here to cut things, and he will, because his shtick is just pissing people off. That is to say, he's not just trying to piss off the other side, he's out to piss everyone off.

            1. John   12 years ago

              I have never liked Emmanuel. But it doesn't give me the creeps the way Bloomberg does. Emmanuel seems like he has some idea what he is doing even if what that is is a bad idea. Bloomberg is just a nut.

              1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                "Like" is not the word for it. "Appreciate the pure assholeishness of" is more accurate. I mean an equal opportunity fuckface is almost the best you can hope for in a pol.

                1. Zeb   12 years ago

                  And it seems that in Chicago, you are bound to get one type of fuckface or another.

            2. generic Brand   12 years ago

              Did you see that Rahm and the Cubs agreed to a $500 million renovation of Wrigley using (supposedly) no taxpayer funding? I really don't like the idea of Wrigley getting a stupid jumbotron, but the fact that all of the makeover will be paid privately is nice.

              1. John   12 years ago

                The jumbo tron is there to block the leaches in Wrigleyville who charge for seating on their roofs. The Cubs really do get fucked by Wrigleyville. They can't play games at the best times. They can't stop people on roofs next door from stealing their product. They loose tens of millions of dollars a year in revenue because of the leaches in Wrigleyville. I am glad to see them finally get a fair shake with more night games and being able to enclose the outfield a bit.

                1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                  John, you're actually wrong about that. The rooftop owners have a contract with the Cubs through 2024 that gives a share of their earnings to the team. And they are part of who is paying for the Jumbotron.

                  1. John   12 years ago

                    I stand corrected Nickki. For a long time the building owners didn't pay anything. That must be new.

                    1. generic Brand   12 years ago

                      John| 4.17.13 @ 10:37AM |#

                      I stand corrected Nickki.

                      It always cracks me up that John misspells people's names when he is RESPONDING directly to them. 😀

              2. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

                I did. Seems decent to me, though I do what I can to stay out of Wrigleyville during baseball season.

      2. Rich   12 years ago

        Weiner should remain firm.

        1. $park?   12 years ago

          And stand tall.

          1. gaijin   12 years ago

            Hard man to bring down

        2. Rasilio   12 years ago

          Yes but if he starts out in the hole then he has a chance to pull out and come from behind to win

      3. Rhywun   12 years ago

        Because at least Bloomburg has kept the city council in check, or more in check than any Democrat would - which is precisely why there hasn't been a Democratic mayor in 20 years. It seems that will fall apart this time around, and when what's her name wins - you will really see the crazy when she lets the council run rampant.

        PS. I saw a little of Weiner's weaselly little apology video, eyes down and barely able to look the camera in the eye. God it was repulsive.

    2. sarcasmic   12 years ago

      I saw that too. Great headline. Hehehe. Head. Wiener. Pole, er poll. Rising. Hehehe.

    3. Ice Nine   12 years ago

      You love Drudge. So why then exactly are we looking at a NY Post article?

      1. Way Of The Crane   12 years ago

        Because Drudge doesn't write anything, he only posts cleverly worded links to real content.

        1. Ice Nine   12 years ago

          I know. So wouldn't it have made sense to link to him doing that?

          1. Way Of The Crane   12 years ago

            That would have meant linking to a page of links and hoping that someone read that particular link and that the page didn't refresh only to see that link changed or removed... but i guess i see your point.

  35. Alack   12 years ago

    An envelope addressed to Senator Roger Wicker tested positive for ricin at a congressional mail facility.

    Former high school chem teacher suspected.

    1. John   12 years ago

      Isn't poisoned mailing the lamest act of terrorism imaginable?

      1. Rich   12 years ago

        Well, after global warming.

    2. db   12 years ago

      Hey, no spoilers. I just started watching that show the other night.

      1. Alack   12 years ago

        Marathon it. Seriously. This weekend, just stay inside and watch it all.

    3. Austrian Anarchy   12 years ago

      The education industry is also where most of our domestic bombers come from. The rest become teachers later.

    4. KPres   12 years ago

      Jeff Flake now, too.

      Apparently we have another violent, radical Democrat on a rampage, just like all the other mass murderers.

      http://www.theblaze.com/storie.....na-office/

  36. sloopyinca   12 years ago

    Louisiana Sheriff crosses state lines, conducts an illegal search, kidnaps woman and takes her back across state lines all while carrying a firearm. He is found guilty but his 3 year prison sentence is suspended.

    It's good to be the King.

    1. Way Of The Crane   12 years ago

      Fowler pleaded guilty to the charge in state district court in Beauregard Parish

      Isn't kidnapping a federal crime, especially considering that he crossed state lines with her? Surely we can expect him to be placed in double jeopardy like common folk, right? Right?

      1. Chris Mallory   12 years ago

        That is what Federal "Civil Rights" charges are for, they bypass that double jeopardy thing.

  37. Matrix   12 years ago

    Let's hope the Boston Marathon bomber is a white American, says a white American dude.

    1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

      He really chose a poor way to say that "if this ends up being a Muslim, it may end up causing a lot more death and destruction because Obama's reaction will likely be as bad as Bush's was." A very poor way.

    2. John   12 years ago

      The need to make this a long running story. And to do that they have to be able to make the story not just about the bombing but a larger problem. If the bomber is Muslim, then the problem is Muslim terrorism. And they don't want to talk about that because Muslims are brown people and we never say bad things about brown people and it interferes with the narrative that the black messiah ended the terrorism threat.

      But if the bomber is a white male, then the media can talk about how racist and horrible white men are and get on with the project of stripping them of their place in society.

      1. Rich   12 years ago

        A white male Muslim would pose a conundrum, eh?

        1. KDN   12 years ago

          Go to teen night at your local terrible nightclub and you'll see that white Muslims have better, creepier things to do.

      2. gaijin   12 years ago

        a long running story
        A marathon even?

      3. KPres   12 years ago

        Democrats are horrible political strategists. These people dominate the media and academia and can only convert that into a 4 point political advantage?

        What do they think they gain from all this race-baiting they do? More black votes? They already have all of them. All this does is push white Democrats into the arms of the GOP.

    3. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

      Yeah, let's reserve all the high-profile jobs for white people. Whatever happened to diversity?

  38. sloopyinca   12 years ago

    An envelope addressed to Senator Roger Wicker tested positive for ricin at a congressional mail facility.

    How many other mail facilities around the nation have testing for ricin and/or other poisons/chemicals?

    It's good to be the King.

    1. Alack   12 years ago

      They all would, if it weren't for [*thunder clap*] the Sequester.

    2. AuH20   12 years ago

      It's sad that my reaction to the news of someone trying to poison a pol is, "Well, even if they died, it's not like society would be losing anyone of any real value."

    3. Gray Ghost   12 years ago

      That's kind of amazing, when you think about it. There are literally thousands, if not millions of compounds you can use to poison someone, and the general rule in analytical chemistry is that you only find what you are looking for. So the security for Congresscritters has to process every piece of mail---and I imagine it's like thousands of pieces per day---for tens of thousands of specific compounds---and do it quick enough that the Critter doesn't wait a week to answer a constituent complaint.

      I wonder how it's done?

      1. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

        small illegal immigrant children work for a green card by licking every envelope. If a kid feels unwell within 2 hours, it's a wrong 'un

  39. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

    So I just got an email from an underling in NYC who tells me she has to go to "an NYPD counterterrorism active shooter training this morning." I cannot wait to find out what they are teaching people to do.

    1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

      I'll give you 3:1 odds that the words "fetal" and "position" are included in the training.

    2. AuH20   12 years ago

      They gave you drones?

      Oh, I am so telling Mother about this. Because this is how you get ants!

    3. SugarFree   12 years ago

      Maybe after training you'll finally upgrade her status to "minion" or even the coveted "helper monkey."

      1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

        Oh she is most definitely my minion now. Top Minion in fact.

        1. SugarFree   12 years ago

          Nicole's Next Top Minion, Tuesdays @ 8 on Bravo

          1. AuH20   12 years ago

            "Y'know, I just don't think that Shaynaynay is here for the right reasons. She doesn't want to be a minion- she wants to take nicole's job!"

            1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

              They're automatically knocked out if I don't think I can tell them I want a "Cartier fucking dildo" from whoever owes me.

            2. SugarFree   12 years ago

              Some bitch gets her weave torn out in episode... GUARANTEED!

    4. Ted S.   12 years ago

      You have underlings?

    5. Brett L   12 years ago

      "Duck...and cover"

    6. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

      Guys, they told her to hide behind filing cabinets. After showing them a video of people shooting through filing cabinets.

      They did say, though, that "maybe we would want to try taking down the shooter, but that was everyone's personal call."

      1. Night Elf Mohawk   12 years ago

        Obviously things are different in the big city, but as far as I can recall, almost every filing cabinet in every office in which I worked was against a wall. Not only against a wall, but often fastened to the wall so that they didn't tip over.

        Plus, only you fucking little people could fit behind or under the furniture, anyway.

        1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

          You are right on both counts.

    7. Restoras   12 years ago

      Anyone holding a firearm and not in a blue uniform can expect to be shot.

  40. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    Since we all need a good laugh, this morning:

    I read that NRO thing about the soldier hiking with his kid.

    Let's play hypothetical. Assume you had an airplane mechanic who was in charge of repair and maintenance of the landing gear. Now, if you had incontrovertible proof that the guy had no fucking clue how to perform the job, or even understand the most basic functions required, you'd fire him, right?

    So you've got a cop who has no knowledge whatsoever of the laws he is supposed to be enforcing, or understanding of the limits imposed upon him by the Constitution and the law. Wouldn't it be a good idea to fire the dumb cocksucker?

    1. John   12 years ago

      Of course not. That guy knows what the law ought to be. He is just saying what all cops want to be true. He was just protecting the shield man.

    2. sarcasmic   12 years ago

      To fire the guy would be admitting to making a mistake when hiring him. Being in government means never ever admitting to making a mistake. Therefore not only will the guy be kept on the force, but his actions will be defended. Anything else would amount to admitting that a government comprised of humans is fallible.

    3. Rich   12 years ago

      Wouldn't it be a good idea to fire the dumb cocksucker?

      Yes, for the sake of the children he might harm through his incompetence.

      We could call it "C.J.'s Law".

    4. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

      Well, airplane mechanics do an important, useful job. It's not so crucial that the Walmart greeter or traffic ticket/dog shooter/teenage pothead buster be good at what they do.

  41. Ken Shultz   12 years ago

    A lot of you guys have been emailing me, asking about how I'm doing in both my fantasy hockey leagues in this first week of the playoffs.

    Rather than respond to each of you individually, I'll just let y'all know right here that--as expected--I'm totally kicking ass in both leagues.

    In one H2H league, where scoring more than 40 fantasy points a week means you'll win more than 85% of the time, I've got 66 points. I've never even seen a score that high before! In the other league I've got a 46...

    Yeah, like most of you acknowledged in your emails, I should give lessons. ...which is kinda what I'm doing to my opponents. And to those of you who didn't join the league at my invitation this year--becasue you suck--you were right to save your money.

    But just think of what you might have learned!

    1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

      I want to know who this "a lot of you" includes, so I can properly shun them.

      1. Ken Shultz   12 years ago

        Sorry, sloopy, I'll respond to yours personally if you like.

      2. Zeb   12 years ago

        Oh, it's pretty easy to spot the hockey fans.

        1. T   12 years ago

          I don't generally see drooling through the intertubes until it shorts out the keyboard.

        2. db   12 years ago

          Oh, sure. It's the fucking mullets, right? Well I'll have you know I have been working on growing out the front for several years now.

  42. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    Bloomberg news girl was just interviewing Woolsey(?), formerly of the CIA. Apparently, the Boston Bomber was an Islamoterrorist who learned about building bombs on the internet.

    WHEN WILL WE SHUT DOWN THE INTERNET AND STOP THE SLAUGHTER??!!!1

    1. Rich   12 years ago

      "Your gas money funds terrorism."

      *That* Woolsey?

    2. Hyperion   12 years ago

      Noooooo!!!!! It can't be an Islamoterrorist! It has to be a an angry white teabagger! It just has to be!

    3. Raston Bot   12 years ago

      dance, Woolsey, you sad clown. your investments are in the shitter.

  43. a better weapon   12 years ago

    A bunch of users at 4chan and are on the case trying to nab the Boston Bomber(s).

    If a bunch of internet trolls on adderall end up finding this guy, Robert Mueller is going to look very bad.

    1. $park?   12 years ago

      I, for one, am certainly glad I'm not being exposed to 4chan.

    2. Alack   12 years ago

      SF'd the link, but I wouldn't put it past Anonymous. They are Legion.

    3. Jordan   12 years ago

      Actually, I have more faith in 4chan than I have in the police. Those guys are fucking good at internet detective work.

  44. I Dug It   12 years ago

    I Am a Lefty and Therefore Incapable of Foreseeing Consequences Until They Affect Me Personally

    I am a feminist. I have marched at the barricades, subscribed to Ms. magazine, and knocked on many a door in support of progressive candidates committed to women's rights. Until a month ago, I would have expressed unqualified support for Title IX and for the Violence Against Women Act.

    But that was before my son, a senior at a small liberal-arts college in New England, was charged?by an ex-girlfriend?with alleged acts of "nonconsensual sex" that supposedly occurred during the course of their relationship a few years earlier.

    What followed was a nightmare?a fall through Alice's looking-glass into a world that I could not possibly have believed existed, least of all behind the ivy-covered walls thought to protect an ostensible dedication to enlightenment and intellectual betterment.

    1. KDN   12 years ago

      Curses! Foiled again!

    2. John   12 years ago

      They were only supposed to frame other women's sons.

    3. db   12 years ago

      The World...of Revealed Preferences!

    4. Hyperion   12 years ago

      This exact sort of thing happened to a woman I used to work with. She was one of those feminist nut jobs. Short hair and dike looking, always running off at the mouth about how it's a womans world, women are oppressed, blahblah.

      Until the day that her son found himself in family court and was getting royally screwed over by his wife in a divorce.

      She did a complete 180.

    5. JW   12 years ago

      I am a feminist. I have marched at the barricades, subscribed to Ms. magazine, and knocked on many a door in support of progressive candidates committed to women's rights. Until a month ago, I would have expressed unqualified support for Title IX and for the Violence Against Women Act.

      Watch me not care.

    6. Raston Bot   12 years ago

      The hearing itself was a two-hour ordeal of unabated grilling by the school's committee, during which, my son later reported, he was expressly denied his request to be represented by counsel or even to have an attorney outside the door of the room. The questioning, he said, ran far afield even from the vaguely stated allegations contained in the so-called notice. Questions from the distant past, even about unrelated matters, were flung at him with no opportunity for him to give thoughtful answers.

      Then walk the fuck out and attend some other school.

    7. KPres   12 years ago

      "What followed was a nightmare?a fall through Alice's looking-glass into a world that I could not possibly have believed existed..."

      There's a reason married women vote Republican, while the women that vote Democrat are the bat-shit crazy, lonely, hooked on prozac, perpetually single emotional wrecks that no man would ever want to be around for more than 10 minutes, much less marry or have children with. Married women actually get to know a real, genuine male, and realize all that progtard feminazi BS about rape culture and subconscious sexism is just that.

  45. KDN   12 years ago

    Feminist discovers that results don't necessarily match up to intentions after her special snowflake is accused of rape.

    I am a feminist. I have marched at the barricades, subscribed to Ms. magazine, and knocked on many a door in support of progressive candidates committed to women's rights. Until a month ago, I would have expressed unqualified support for Title IX and for the Violence Against Women Act.

    But that was before my son, a senior at a small liberal-arts college in New England, was charged?by an ex-girlfriend?with alleged acts of "nonconsensual sex" that supposedly occurred during the course of their relationship a few years earlier.

    What followed was a nightmare?a fall through Alice's looking-glass into a world that I could not possibly have believed existed, least of all behind the ivy-covered walls thought to protect an ostensible dedication to enlightenment and intellectual betterment.

    1. AuH20   12 years ago

      And cue the articles from other feminists talking about how she has betrayed the sisterhood by putting her enpenised, privileged son's needs ahead of the needs of a woman who he clearly raped.

  46. SugarFree   12 years ago

    Oh, shit. Sometimes the universe proves that it really does love you.

    Foulfiendflib
    She's charming! 🙂
    Who is the lady on her right (reader's left)? I don't know how to say this without bodysnarking, but it looks like a larger size head has been photoshopped on to her body. I want to go looking for other photos to compare. Also she has absolutely gorgeous hair. Love the subtle highlights (possibly natural grey?) at the front.

    olal
    Gloria Steinem. I would not like to be the owner of your Kinja inbox for the next 24 hours 😀

    ScarletHerring
    You just critiqued Gloria Steinem on her looks. I think this meets the definition of irony, no?

    diadema
    Very deftly put! (And agreed re: the inbox.)

    NotAgain
    Ha! I sort of assumed she was joking. I DO want to know who the woman is on the right though (Tavi's left).

    IAmChrysanthemum
    Pretty sure that's Alison Williams who plays Marnie on Girls.

    Foulfiendflib
    Ha ha ha. Yes, I'm an asshole. I knew she looked familiar, but I was trying to figure out who she was in the context of fashion and it just wasn't clicking.
    Good lord. That could not be more ironic.

    FoulfiendflibU
    I may have to change my name... I can't stop laughing at myself right now, so please, feel free to join in.

    hereIamhello29
    Jezebel has officially jumped the shark.

    1. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

      ye, yes, but where do you stand on the big question in the comments - should you mark up your books?

      1. Alack   12 years ago

        Not if the book is written by a woman. She poured her heart and soul into that piece of work, and to mark it would be to abuse her ideas, which is practically assault, which is practically rape.

        1. KPres   12 years ago

          Silly man. Feminism gets sacrificed on the altar of socialism, not the other way around. Profit is more evil than patriarchy.

      2. SugarFree   12 years ago

        I do not mark-up my books, but I do not condemn those that do.

        I do condemn the people who destroy paperbacks by cracking the spine in dozens of locations, but advocate no aggression toward them.

        1. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

          This is what Post-It Flags are for.

        2. db   12 years ago

          I hate it when people fuck up paperbacks that way too but printers need to put more paper between the binding and the inner margin. Some paperbacks are nigh impossible to read without seriously flexing the spine.

          1. SugarFree   12 years ago

            Did you used to post under dbcooper? If so, then you know how much worse most British paperbacks are. My copy of Chasm City exploded after two reads.

            1. invisible furry hand   12 years ago

              Amen!

            2. db   12 years ago

              No, I've been posting here under this handle since about 2002.

            3. T   12 years ago

              British books, in general, are made like shit anymore. The paperbacks are basically one-use only.

          2. PapayaSF   12 years ago

            Absolutely. For some reason book designers think that a paperback needs a generous outside margin for your thumbs, but not a wider inner one. Of course, broken spines will usually kill the value of a used book, so you could consider it a plot to discourage used book sales.

    2. John   12 years ago

      So if the woman on the right had turned out to be someone outside the left wing tribe like Phyllis Shafely or (gasp) the woman from Alaska whose name cannot be said, it would have been perfectly okay for the Jezzies to mercilessly critique and insult her looks. But since it was someone from the left wing tribe, doing so is something to be embarrassed about. That about right?

  47. AuH20   12 years ago

    Serious question: Why the Mets so stupid, stupid?

    They should be offering the Marlins basically anything the Marlins want for Stanton. The guy is under 24 and already has almost 100 home runs. He has easy 40 home run power. He plays a corner outfield spot, which, not for nothing, we could use more production out of.

    And the cost is a 24 year old catcher (who is good, but I never see hitting above .290, and that will be his peak year) and a pitching prospect? Okay, I would like a package where we don't give up Wheeler, but... 24 year old guy who could be a perennial MVP candidate, who clearly wants off his current team?

    OBVIOUS SHIT IS OBVIOUS!

    1. KDN   12 years ago

      Prospects are overvalued ATM, and the Wilpons are retards (trust me, I used to deal with both the team and Sterling in a professional capacity). Stanton's proven worth is about equal to Wheeler's potential; any trade that doesn't involve Harvey is a no-brainer, imo.

      1. AuH20   12 years ago

        Are the Marlins only biting with both Armas and Wheeler in the deal? If we could even keep one of those two, that deal is such a no brainer its not even funny.

        I would be a bit reluctant to give them both up. The only concern I would have is injuries. Stanton still hit 37 HRs battling them last year, but he is out right now with an injury, and you just don't want to trade for Frank Thomas 2 (awesome power, awesome stats, maddingly inconsistent health)

        I mean, I know he's young, but we do have that kid in A ball who has really good stuff pitching wise. I wouldn't mind tossing him in a deal, not that he's that valuable atm.

        And yes, the Wilpons are fucking terrible owners. I wish Selig had made them sell the team when they hit money problems a year or so back, but apparently you basically have to pull a McCourt and utterly torch the finances of a marquee franchise publicly before MLB steps in to even say boo.

        1. KDN   12 years ago

          Well, Big Hurt II is essentially what you're getting, but that's still better than anything in the deal and probably equal to the sum of the parts. The only rumors I've seen are d'Arnaud and Wheeler, who are both high risk players for differing reasons that I wouldn't mind parting with if I was Alderson. Word is that the Marlins aren't interested in dealing ATM so you're going to have to blow them away, something the Wilpons aren't going to greenlight considering the Mets' history and current state.

          I've read that they're in on CarGo too, which might be a better fit and should come cheaper.

    2. Ted S.   12 years ago

      Serious question: Why the Mets so stupid, stupid?

      I thought they were bankrupt, not stupid.

      Well, they could be both.

      And it's certainly not "we", since the Wilpons obviously don't give a shit about the fans.

      1. AuH20   12 years ago

        Well, when they had money, they could hide their fuck ups. Like Jason "seriously, you gave him that contract?" Bay

        1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

          Who is worse at what they do: Jason Bay or Michael Bay?

        2. KDN   12 years ago

          Bay wasn't that bad of a contract, he was a great player for 5 of the previous 6 years, but what a terrible fit for that park. That's as dumb as the Red Sox paying $100m for a triples-hitting, gap-erasing, left-handed left fielder.

          1. KDN   12 years ago

            **didn't seem that bad at the time. It did end up being a terrible contract.

            1. Restoras   12 years ago

              Suck it, Dodgers!

    3. Matrix   12 years ago

      eff the Mets! Go Braves!

      1. AuH20   12 years ago

        Man, your hands must be heavy as a Braves fan with World Series rings. I mean, given that you won the NL East for 14 straight years, you must have a ton of World Series rings, right?

        1. mr simple   12 years ago

          They give World Series rings to fans?

          1. AuH20   12 years ago

            You may try to confuse me with your facts and logic, but the fact remains that despite winning the division 14 years straight, the Braves won only 1 World Series in that time.

            And are also owned by Ted Turner. Or were owned. Whatever.

            All I'm saying is, the Braves are deserving of mocking and ridicule.

      2. NeonCat   12 years ago

        +Tomahawk Chop

      3. AuH20   12 years ago

        Also, Braves fans, you realize that the Phillies are our actual rivals, and Washington could soon move ahead of you (their fans are going from cute to irritating and will eventually land on dick, and geographically its a more logical NY rival)?

        Go... have a rivalry with the Marlins. Or battle the Nats for control of the South. Atlanta may be the New York of the South... but that's not saying much.

  48. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    Anything else would amount to admitting that a government comprised of humans is fallible.

    But kkkorporations, on the other hand...

  49. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

    Anonymous hacks WBC Facebook page. Close to 24 hours now.

    I'm just wondering when people are going to stop feeding the WBC troll?

    1. AuH20   12 years ago

      Eh, the only thing I want to do to them anymore is when Fred dies, get a bunch of people to show up at his funeral waving signs saying "God hates Fred Phelps" and that's mostly due to his sheer dickishness.

      But once the old man dies, I say we just let them devolve into inbreeding and stupidity.

    2. Ted S.   12 years ago

      Why would anybody want to hack the World Baseball Classic?

      1. John   12 years ago

        Or the World Boxing Congress.

        1. NeonCat   12 years ago

          Wiccan Break-dancing Confederation.

  50. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    What followed was a nightmare?a fall through Alice's looking-glass into a world that I could not possibly have believed existed, least of all behind the ivy-covered walls thought to protect an ostensible dedication to enlightenment and intellectual betterment.

    That world-

    YOU

    MADE

    IT.

  51. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    It's sad that my reaction to the news of someone trying to poison a pol is, "Well, even if they died, it's not like society would be losing anyone of any real value."

    If by "sad" you mean "perfectly rational".

    1. John   12 years ago

      Daddy Daddy, the President is dead

      Don Draper: It's okay honey, we will get another one.

  52. sloopyinca   12 years ago

    I'd like your opinions on something. OK, so I'm in the back of the farm yesterday and as I'm walking up, I see a deputy coming down the drive (after passing through a gate) toward the house at the back of our property a guy rents. The deputy asked who I was and I returned the question. He said he was with the probation department and was looking for the tenant. I told him he was free to knock on the door of the house and asked who had let him through the gate. He asked for my ID and I told him I had none on me and he was free to come up to my house (outside the gate) if he needed to talk to me as it was starting to rain and I wanted to get in.

    OK, so I go home and he goes to the neighbor's house. )I know the kid has a pair of DUI's and one resulted in a serious accident with injuries and he's on probation.) After about 15 minutes, the deputy comes by my house on the way out and I walk outside to ask him if he'd please not park his cruiser with "PROBATION DEPARTMENT" written across it in front of my house well off the right of way. He said he liked it to be prominently placed and I said that was fine, but that I'm not on probation, so he's sending the message about the wrong person. I asked him to please park it between some olive trees off my driveway or to at least park it on the other side of the drive so nobody thought I was a convict. He said they have a departmental directive to make a show of force when out in public as a deterrent to criminal behavior.
    cont.

    1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

      So I reminded him that I had no criminal record and that he was making me look bad, not to mention he was parking on my property as opposed to the side of the road.

      He said he'd "take it under advisement", and then proceeded to start asking me questions about how long we've lived there, what do we know about out neighbor, what are his living habits, etc. I told him I didn't feel comfortable answering him and that how long I've lived there was really not relevant to his job.

      Creepy motherfucker pissed me off. Next time, I'll grab my gun and head down to my shooting range in the back field when I see him coming through the gate.

      Anyway, what would you guys do if confronted in the same way?

      1. Virginian   12 years ago

        What can you do? I mean...pigs gonna pig.

      2. Libertymike   12 years ago

        Tell him in no uncertain terms that his kind, mooching parasitic thugs, aren't welcome on your property.

        1. $park?   12 years ago

          I guess I'm not quite the same level of rage-fueled, paranoid, cop-hating asshole as Libertymike here. I think I would have just asked him why he needed my info, without giving him any, and that I wouldn't talk about the neighbor, like what you did. You can tell him you don't want him parking on your lot all you want, you know it's not going to change anything. The best thing is to always just be polite.

          1. John   12 years ago

            What Sparky said. Fucking with a cop is like going down the zoo and teasing the lions.

            1. VG Zaytsev   12 years ago

              More like the baboons.

      3. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

        Walk away while he was talking. That would make the fucker's blood boil.

        1. Libertymike   12 years ago

          You have no legal duty to assist any gang member donning Caesar's clown costumes.

      4. db   12 years ago

        Lock the gate.

      5. John   12 years ago

        That is a tough question because you can always beat the charge but you can't beat the ride. I would avoid any direct confrontation with him if at all possible. The fucker can basically stuff you and cuff you and ruin your day and there won't be much you can do about it. All he has to do is say you were disorderly.

        I think what I would do is find out who is boss is and call them. That would give you a chance to talk to someone over the phone, explain the situation, and maybe get some relief. His boss might actually be a reasonable person and tell him to knock it off. If not, if he does it again, I would take a picture of the vehicle in front of your yard and go to the media and also call the governor's office. My guess is that if you raise enough hell in the right places, they will tell this asshole to knock it off.

        1. Libertymike   12 years ago

          If he does not have a warrant, sloop is free to tell him to vacate the premises, pronto.

          As he is ordering the deputy to leave, sloop calls the police to inform them of the deputy's attitude and that he will not tolerate it.

          Of course, sloop has tape running throughout.

          1. John   12 years ago

            Sure he is. And the cop can beat the shit out of him and arrest him. And yes, Sloopy can sue an in a few years get a nice settlement. But that is a real pain in the ass. You are a lot better off avoiding that if you possibly can.

            1. Michael S. Langston   12 years ago

              That also assumes there isn't something sloopy may be doing "wrong" - like a joint in the ashtray.

              Not the real reason for anything, but certainly enough to charge a felony and remove almost any possibility of a settlement.

              So yeah, I'm with you - avoid confrontation if possible, just like avoiding all court if possible.

      6. John   12 years ago

        Be careful though. You know better than I do from your link, many of these people are just fucking animals and dangerous ones at that. Never deal with them lightly.

      7. Zeb   12 years ago

        I hope I would do about what you did. Hard to say what would be the best response if he comes and parks there again. I don't imagine you want to make any enemies.

      8. Nikki makes the sign of a tsp   12 years ago

        I would probably have vomited. After doing pretty much what you did, I mean.

      9. Rich   12 years ago

        He said they have a departmental directive to make a show of force when out in public as a deterrent to criminal behavior.

        Sounds like he's OK with you toting a weapon when he calls again.

      10. H. ReardEn   12 years ago

        '...departmental directive to make a show of force when out in public...'

        WTF. As a matter of policy, the Probation Department finds it necessary to intimidate the general public?

        1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

          This was my real issue with the situation. It's fine and dandy that he's going to see the guy who voluntarily agreed to the terms of his probation, but parking his cruiser in front of my house in a "show of force" when there is a better and more appropriate place to park it just pisses me off and makes me look bad.

          Hopefully he'll respect my wishes and park it elsewhere or just ask my neighbor if he can come through the gate with it. The only problem there is that a large part of the area behind the gate is mine, not his. And if he starts snooping around my outbuildings, I'm likely to blow a gasket.

          Meh, I think I handled it as well and courteously as possible. Now we'll see if he returns the courtesy when he returns.

          1. John   12 years ago

            You did the exact right thing. You can't win a direct confrontation with these fuckers. The problem is that he is a probation officer, which is one step above being a jailer on the cop hierarchy. You are not dealing with the best type of cop here. And on top of that probationers have no 4th Amendment rights. So he is used to doing whatever the hell he wants with no worries of probable cause and such. You think you a regular cop's training is bad, a jailor or a probation officer's is even worse. So you are not likely to win a rational argument with him. Your best hope is to kiss his ass a bit and hope he doesn't come very often.

      11. Rasilio   12 years ago

        As I was just explaining to my kids last night, never challenge a cop unless there is simply no way to avoid it, sure the plurality of cops are mostly honest and just doing a difficult job and even a majority of them wouldn't go so far as to mess someone up for just giving them a hard time, but if you get the wrong one, and these guys may be a minority but they ain't rare, you are going to end up in a hospital facing resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer charges if not the morgue and he's gonna walk scott free.

        That said in this case I probably would not have cared about where he parked in the first place but otherwise would have reacted similarly.

      12. tarran   12 years ago

        A simple solution occurs to me.

        Stake some livestock to his parking spot and feed them liberally.

        MAke sure that the grass is covered with sheep or goat shit.

        Every time he picks a different spot, do the same.

        He'll eventually get fed up and go away. In the meantime the inside of his car will smell like shit. His wife will be schreechign at him about tracking shit into the house.

        And what's he going to do, complain that you are grazing your livestock on your property?

        1. WTF   12 years ago

          This is an awesome idea.

          1. Rich   12 years ago

            Until he "feels threatened" by the livestock and blows 'em away.

            1. LTC(ret) John   12 years ago

              "That goat was coming straight at me!"

              "Assault Chicken!"

      13. Restoras   12 years ago

        I think that's about the level I could handle it. Frankly, I'm not sure I could have handled it that well.

      14. Jordan   12 years ago

        Tell him to show me a warrant or fuck off.

      15. robc   12 years ago

        Mostly what you did.

        If you want to take it to the limit, take pictures of his car on your property then file trespassing charges.

        1. $park?   12 years ago

          That's probably a decent way to get him to keep the car off your lot.

      16. Lord Humungus   12 years ago

        #1 tell him to get off my property.

        #2 tell him that trespassing is illegal and will be prosecuted

        #3 defer any questions to my lawyer (who happens to live with me).

      17. AuH20   12 years ago

        Pull a Beverly Hills Cop on his car. Banana in the tailpipe.

      18. Mad Scientist   12 years ago

        asking me questions about how long we've lived there, what do we know about out neighbor, what are his living habits, etc.

        You're always supposed to answer this with, "They were good boys, but the made a lot of racket at night."

        1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

          I would have if the cop had been a honkie dressed like a Hasidic diamond merchant.

  53. juris imprudent   12 years ago

    A bit over an hour and over 350 comments - prolific bunch today.

    1. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

      Seems pretty slow today to me.

    2. Atanarjuat   12 years ago

      There aren't any good blog posts newer than this one for us to tackle.

  54. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    Oh, goody!

    Bloomberg is pimping academic shitflinging over academic study. (Rogoff's) "Those guys didn't manipulate the data the way we want; they cheated."

    MOAR STIMULUSSSS!

  55. Libertymike   12 years ago

    RIP Pat Summerall.

    John Madden said, "if you couldn't get along with Pat Summerall, you couldn't get along with anybody".

  56. AuH20   12 years ago

    Guys! You have to check this out! I almost peed myself laughing at the hilarity!

    1. Mr. "Oh No! What's My Job? I Don't Have a Job!"

    Soooooo typical. The old "I fell off the belltower and got amnesia and now I've reverted to my wise-cracking high school alter-ego 'T-Bone' and I can't remember what my job is" excuse. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one, I wouldn't have to date guys with jobs! I'd be nickel-rich!!!

    2. Mr. "Lives with Parents"

    Oh, but not with his parents. Sorry for the confusion. He just got drunk one time, wandered into some random house, went to sleep in the baby's room, and started calling the people who live there Mommy and Daddy. It's like, grow up, Reggie.

    3. Mr. "Nyeeehhhhhhh, I Work for the Phone Company and I'm Wearing a Windbreaker"

    Yeah, it's pretty cool that you're impervious to wind, but quit being so fucking smug.

    4. Mr. "Shipwrecked on a Deserted Island"

    That dude is never going to be president.

    5. Mr. "I Have Bee Beard and I'm Jealous of Other People with Better Bee Beards"

    Obviously not good husband material?he can't even get good bees!

    1. AuH20   12 years ago

      I think my favorite part is how, when people take umbrage, Lindsey always goes, "You people just don't get satire!"

      Ms. West clearly forgot the part where satire was supposed to be, y'know, funny.

    2. db   12 years ago

      That is the least funny thing I have read since some asshole blew legs off innocent folks in Boston.

    3. SugarFree   12 years ago

      The Jezzies love to throw a fit whenever male comics or commentators says that women aren't funny or no women have a sense of humor. This is wrong, of course. There are plenty of women who are very funny and have a keen sense of humor. But the continued employment of Lindy West and the wild overpraise for her alleged humor in the feministosphere makes male comic's or commentator's assertions seem more likely than experience suggests.

      1. AuH20   12 years ago

        As I've said before, I do stand up. I know female stand up comedians. They are much, much more funny than Lindsey West. Some of them are even into the whole Women's Studies crap. Seriously, to find a better comedy writer, Jezebel literally just needs to go to an open mic in any American city with more than 100,000 people, and they will find a suitable Lindsey West replacement.

        It just makes so little sense the love and praise for her.

        1. John   12 years ago

          Back in the 80s when HBO used to have all of those comedy specials, they had several female comedians whose names escape me now that were quite funny. Hell Ellen Degeneras was pretty funny back when she first started out. A lot funnier than Lindsey West.

          1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

            The 80's can never be forgiven for subjecting us to Paula Poundstone.

            1. John   12 years ago

              There used to be some skinny blond chick with a big nose and fuzzy hair. She always wore this black leather corset like top on stage. She was actually really funny. I have totally forgotten her name.

              1. Rhywun   12 years ago

                I remember liking Rita Rudner a lot back then.

                1. John   12 years ago

                  I saw Rudner in Vegas with my wife a couple of years ago. She was great. Really funny.

                  1. Trespassers W   12 years ago

                    Her contribution to "The Aristocrats" was pretty funny as I recall. She definitely put her own twist on it.

        2. MJGreen   12 years ago

          I'd say that currently, I like more female comedians than male comedians. Outside of Louis CK, Paul F Tompkins, Andy Daly and Jimmy Pardo, the people that really crack me up and amaze me with their impov skills are all women.

          There are a lot of really funny women out there. What you've posted above is so far below funny, I don't know what to make of it.

    4. MJGreen   12 years ago

      4. Mr. "Shipwrecked on a Deserted Island"

      That dude is never going to be president.

      Is this like Lindy West's impression of a Thomas Friedman article? Like what Friedman would write if he were writing for jezebel?

    5. Trespassers W   12 years ago

      I don't get it. Are there pictures that go along with this? Who's "Reggie"? What sound is "Nyeehhhhhhh" supposed to represent?

  57. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    For Sloopy, from the thread below:

    There is no one person or faction turning up the heat

    I have been thinking about this exact point recently, in the context of local police behavior. We have reached a point where there are so many overlapping local, state, and federal "initiatives" in play that there is no longer anyone, no entity or individual, in charge. Any pretense of citizen control of the apparatus has been abandoned. If the people actually wanted to apply political pressure in order to get the cops to back off, it would be almost impossible to find an effective pressure point.

    This is not accidental.

    as it applies to your story.

    He said they have a departmental directive to make a show of force when out in public as a deterrent to criminal behavior.

    If you ventured into the hive of villainy and attempted to discover the source of this "directive" I suspect you'd need a new pair of shoes after the runaround.

    1. John   12 years ago

      Yup. I got pulled over a couple of years ago by some flatfoot in an FBI vehicle who was attached to the local Joint Task Force. Total bullshit. The guy didn't have any authority to pull me over. He just decided to be a cock. Well, I happen to work with a lot of LEOs and know a lot of people. So I go to work the next Monday and start trying to get a hold of his boss. Took me, someone who is basically an insider, about a week to figure out just who this asshole was and who he worked for. If I had been a private citizen with no contacts, forget it. Cops can do anything they want any time.

  58. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    Next time, I'll grab my gun and head down to my shooting range in the back field when I see him coming through the gate.

    Two words: OFFICER SAFETY

  59. Matrix   12 years ago

    Wife of ex-judge arrested in connection with murder of Texas DA

    But, what about the white supremacists? I thought they were responsible!

    1. Way Of The Crane   12 years ago

      Well, once the ex-judge is convicted and sentenced for murder, I'm sure he'll be joining the white supremacist group in prison in order to survive.

      1. John   12 years ago

        Even the Aryan nation and Mexican drug gangs are smarter than to start killing DA's and their families. If they ever did that, the US government would just start killing them. There wouldn't be a skin head alive with more than a six month life expectancy. And they know that. They will risk prison. But they are not risking that.

        1. Michael S. Langston   12 years ago

          Agreed, though AB was one group who I think have targeted DA's in the past, so are theoretically capable of doing so again - they haven't in any recent memory though (I think when they did it was the 80s) and do not for the reasons you mention.

          IE - Gangs may use death and other things which make them appear irrational, but they are not. And killing DAs is irrational.

  60. Sevo   12 years ago

    "The government of Cyprus will be selling a portion of its gold reserves to raise money to secure an EU/IMF bailout."

    PERFECT timing!

  61. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    Doom

    Late-winter blasts like these are nothing new for central Europe, according to CNN meteorologist Brandon Miller.

    In fact, in Germany they have something known as M?rzwinter, or "March winter," said Miller. The phenomenon occurs in mid-March when, after a period of spring-like warmth early in the month that often sees trees and flowers begin to bloom, cold northerly winds bring mid-winter type weather back to the country.

    True to form, last week there were seven consecutive days of above-average temperatures in Frankfurt.

    The mercury peaked Saturday with a high of 17 degrees Celsius (about 62 degrees Fahrenheit), the kind of temperature usually expected in mid-May. On Tuesday, however, winter returned with a vengeance, dropping 12 centimeters (4.7 inches) of snow by noon.

    1. John   12 years ago

      What happens when it becomes so obvious AGW is bunk that even they can't deny it anymore? Will there be suicides?

      1. VG Zaytsev   12 years ago

        WE can only hope so.

      2. AuH20   12 years ago

        No. Some new enviromental hair shirt will be invented to keep the proles from having nice things that only their betters are entitled to.

      3. mad libertarian guy   12 years ago

        I read in a story this morning that the unusual amount of snow this year is because of the ice cap melting.

    2. db   12 years ago

      Fimbulwinter!

  62. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    I heard a couple of lefty douchebags braying happily about this last night.

    Governor Steve Bullock on Monday vetoed House Bill 304, which would have allowed any person eligible to own a handgun to also be able to carry that weapon concealed in cities.

    The Governor included the following rationale in his letter to legislative leadership:

    "House Bill 304 would effectively eliminate Montana's concealed weapon permitting process by allowing anyone eligible to possess a handgun to carry a concealed weapon without a permit. The measure would allow individuals to decide whether they are eligible to carry a concealed weapon.

    "If the logic of HB 304 were applied to other situations, there would be no need for a person to be licensed before driving on our highways - all they would need to do would be to determine whether they were "eligible" to drive. The same goes for pilot's licenses, building permits, hunting licenses, or any other type of permit.

    While I will fiercely defend the 2nd amendment rights of our citizens, I cannot support an absurd concept that threatens the safety of our communities, by not providing for basic fundamentals of gun safety or mental health screening.

    1. robc   12 years ago

      Notice the huge number of mass shootings in Vermont.

      1. Agammamon   12 years ago

        Or notice the huge number of mass shootings in Arizona.

        OK wait, maybe not a *perfect* example.

    2. Agammamon   12 years ago

      Oh noes, citizens might do what they want without oversight!

  63. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    I respectfully ask that you stand with the Montana Sheriffs and Peace Officers Association, the Montana County Attorneys Association and the Montana Association of Chiefs of Police in opposition to this bill and sustain my veto."

    Left wing authoritarianism, in thrall to the cops.

    Makes ya proud to be an American.

  64. Kaptious Kristen   12 years ago

    Any DC area peeps headed to the bigass gun show in Chantilly this weekend? If the squeeze is available, I'll be there (he's very gun-knowledgable so I count on his input).

    1. John   12 years ago

      Really? Is that out at Dulles? My wife has a few things to do Saturday. Maybe I will go out there. I haven't been to a gun show in ages.

    2. John   12 years ago

      That is really a good idea Kristen. If you are ever going to meet some stranger off the internet, with your boyfriend at a gun show is probably the place to do it.

      1. Virginian   12 years ago

        I've thought about going up there a couple times. But never managed to make it. Won't this time either.

        Fun fact: the biggest gun store on the East Coast in this tiny little Eastern Carolina town, basically in the middle of nowhere. I stop there on my way to and from the beach.

        1. John   12 years ago

          Gun shows are kind of a hoot. A lot of the people who go to them are about on the level of trekies. I always laugh when some progtard is on TV ranting about the dangers of gun shows. Those things are like comic book conventions with fewer women. Criminals don't go to gun shows. Geeks go to gun shows.

          1. db   12 years ago

            Yep. Gun geeks are just regular geeks with worse clothes. I saw a bunch of hipsters at Knob Creek last weekend.

  65. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    Now we'll see if he returns the courtesy when he returns.

    I hope you're not in Kern county.

    1. sloopyinca   12 years ago

      Tulare County, actually. I couldn't live in Kern County if you paid me to. Lots of great people there, but the cops are out of fucking control.

  66. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    Bloomberg is now breathlessly reporting a letter with a "suspicious substance" was sent to the Ascended One.

    Thankfully, it never came near him.

    No word on where he is spending his next vacation.

    1. John   12 years ago

      I didn't see it. But I am told that on CNN when they first reported the Boston bombings, the first thing out of their mouth after "there has been a bombing at the Boston marathon" was "the President is safe", like that was an issue or something. It is a fucking cult.

    2. Way Of The Crane   12 years ago

      The only way to get a letter to the president is to send it to Hawaii.

  67. The Late P Brooks   12 years ago

    like that was an issue or something.

    How do we know he wasn't running in the Boston marathon, wearing a giant papier mache puppet unicorn head?

    1. LTC(ret) John   12 years ago

      Because that was me, duh!

      1. Restoras   12 years ago

        Did you cut and paste that comment from another thread?

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