A.M. Links: Leon Panetta Tells Afghanistan U.S. Has Their Back, EU Commissioner Says Keep Cutting Spending, HGH Testing Coming to Baseball Season

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better days
  • The NRA says some members of Joe Biden's task force are more interested in demonizing he Second Amendment than protecting schoolchildren. Duh?
  • Leon Panetta tells Hamid Karzai the U.S. will stand by Afghanistan even as plans emerge for a potential massive withdrawal.
  • The government released wholly redacted summaries of foreign intelligence court decisions in response to a FOIA request by the Electronic Frontier Foundation over FISA.
  • President Obama has signed a law restoring lifetime Secret Service privileges for himself and George W. Bush. The law also covers former First Ladies and children of presidents until they turn 18.
  • A study finds male jurors are more likely to convict fat women, especially if the men are thin.
  • The EU's economic and monetary affairs commissioner says governments on the continent must continue to cut spending after the IMF insisted the cuts are harmful to the economy.
  • Major League Baseball will be randomly testing for Human Growth Hormone this baseball season.

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Ed Krayewski is a former associate editor at Reason.

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  1. The government released wholly redacted summaries of foreign intelligence court decisions in response to a FOIA request…

    President Redaction Jackson strikes again.

    1. Why the markers gotta be black, yo?

  2. sarcasmic

    Lindsay Lohan the low-rent porn tramp.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..anyon.html

    1. RBS

      That reminds me, she was pretty hot in her Mean Girls days.

      1. It is not clear if she did hard core or not.

    2. SIV

      After gathering the rest of the cast at a cafe and showing them Lohan’s performance versus the French actress’s performance, the cast all agreed that Lohan was the better star, and Schrader decided to give her another chance.

      USA! USA! USA!

      American Exceptionalism FTW!

    3. Paul Schrader has real cred as a director/screenwriter.

      1. Jerry on the road

        I watched three of his movies in the last month or so: Hardcore, Blue Collar and Rolling Thunder.

        1. invisible furry hand

          Mishima was genius

          1. Groovus Maximus

            I agree.

    4. Brett L

      After RTA, it was $100/day plus 50% of any profits on a $25k movie budget. Even with distribution costs, she stands a very good chance of making some money just on the buzz.

      1. robc

        $250k budget.

        But yeah, same thing.

        1. Apparently Lohan wasted ran up production costs with her constant tardiness and sense of entitlement.

          1. Apparently Lohan wasted ran up production costs with her constant tardiness and sense of entitlement.

        2. Brett L

          Oh. Yeah. Dropped a zero.

    5. Francisco d Anconia

      Too bad, I thought she might grow up, pull a Drew Barrymore and turn it around.

  3. sarcasmic

    New rifle turns anyone into a marksman! Scary! Oooooooooh! At seventeen grand everyone will have one! Blood on the streets!
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..-away.html

    1. TERRIFYING! Cor blimey.

      In England, all assault rifles are property of the queen, and they pay like five guys to go around and weigh them all every year.

    2. I learned the truth at seventeen grand
      That guns were meant for beauty queens’ man….

      1. NeonCat

        Everybody run
        The Homecoming Queen’s got a gun

    3. R C Dean

      Awesome. I’ve been wondering when somebody was going to do this.

      Now they just need to bring the price down by an order of magnitude.

      1. Gray Ghost

        I wonder how they’re doping the wind so precisely? The laser is picking up dust blown by the wind and getting a velocity off of that? Everything else is available now, if not neatly consolidated for the shooter.

        As to the drone-mounted rifle point, you may get an idealized point of impact (assuming your range, guess on the relative winds between you and the target, and other variables are known), but that says nothing about how precise you can make your rest. One advantage of the machine triggering the shot over a human though, is that even if the sights are whipping all over the place because a hovering drone can’t hold better than, say +/- 5 MOA, (no idea what it actually is) the computer should still be able to get off an accurate shot since the lag between target acquisition and the shot should be much less, and it can shoot the instant the sights cross the projected POI. I couldn’t reliably do it, for the same reason that my offhand scores are much less than my prone or kneeling scores, but a computer controlled shooter could.

        1. R C Dean

          I suspect that Our Masters will consider something far less than 5 MOA accuracy to be adequate for drones.

    4. Don Mynack

      Just ran across this reading a different article in Time.

      http://world.time.com/2012/12/…..d=obinsite

      Seems like the “gun culture” of most of America is similar to Switzerland – many Americans also view shooting as a family/social activity – but the Swiss aren’t demonized because of it.

      1. Give it time, they may yet be underbussed. At least it will be a clean and efficient SwissPost bus.

      2. Juice

        Switzerland doesn’t have a “hood” with gangs and shit, does it?

        1. Red Rocks Rockin

          I could be wrong, but they also don’t put their socially stunted males on psychotropic drugs to the extent that we do.

    5. Rasilio

      Now, I would just like to redirect this to our Murderdrone discussion of a few weeks ago where someone was telling me that it would be impossible for a flying drone mounted rifle to hit a human target from 300 yards away.

      Go read this article, the tech in the sights prevent the trigger from being pulled until after the targeting reticle is lined up with the laser illuminator.

      If this tech can turn an untrained shooter into a marksman who can hit a target 1000 yds away then trust me, a fully computerized system will be pretty close to 100% accurate from 300 yards, even when firing from an unstable flying platform.

  4. sarcasmic

    Cool pics of sandstorm in Australia.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..ralia.html

    1. We don’t have those in America.

      They are afraid of our guns.

      1. Our sand knows its place.

        1. gaijin

          do they have amper sand down under?

          1. just vegemite

    2. Jordan

      Love the picture of the dude carrying a baby in one hand and a been in the other, not even looking at the approaching wall of doom. Number of fucks given: zero.

      1. Jordan

        Beer* WTF?

        1. NeonCat

          That beer has been by now.

  5. New York City to Restrict Prescription Painkillers in Public Hospitals’ Emergency Rooms
    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01…..rooms.html

    Some of the most common and most powerful prescription painkillers on the market will be restricted sharply in the emergency rooms at New York City’s 11 public hospitals, Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg said Thursday in an effort to crack down on what he called a citywide and national epidemic of prescription drug abuse.

    1. John

      First nursing mothers and now sick people, Bloomburg is really a sad, sick man.

      1. VG Zaytsev

        Four hundred years ago he would have gone by the handle Torquemada.

        1. Four hundred years ago he would have gone by the handle Torquemada.

          I see the resemblance.

    2. It’s not like we can expect doctors to know better than Bloomberg.

    3. This shit is way true. I saw it on ER.

    4. What could go wrong? It’s not like people who need pain meds won’t be able to get them because doctors are scared of overzealous bureaucrats or anything.

      1. Night Elf Mohawk

        It took some very sharp words indeed with a physician’s assistant and the doctor himself to get pain meds sufficient for me to be able to sleep… partly because the PA just didn’t want to prescribe them and partly because of “how it would look.” And this is a doctor I’ve been to for years. I doubt it is going to get better.

        1. I’ve had a bad chest infection and cough for the past couple of weeks. I decide to go to the doctor yesterday, and I find that my prescription, Robitussin w/ codeine, requires that I be entered in a state database designed to stop prescription drug abuse.

          I wanted to gauge my doc’s thoughts about it, so I asked if it worked, and he said “it might help a little, but no. All it accomplishes is forcing us to give little old ladies expensive drug screens because they fit in to some ridiculous bureaucratic rubric, and it oftentimes makes it very difficult for legit patients to get the drugs they need. It’s horrible.”

          He also noted that the bureaucratic hurdles for EVERYTHING are going to be exponentially worse starting next year.

          1. Groovus Maximus

            I. TOLD. YOU. SO.

          2. mr simple

            I now can’t get my OTC allergy medicine anymore as the great minds of the KY legislature decided that I (and everyone in KY) are only to be trusted with about a 3 months supply (taken according to directions on box) in a given 365 day period. It is fucking retarded.

    5. wareagle

      Bloomberg: “let them feel the pain, all of it, every deliciously excruciating nerve ending that is wailing. That way, they will be less tempted to come back and medical costs will go down.”

      1. Bloomberg is Piter deVries?

        1. Groovus Maximus

          Needs more sappho juice.

    6. Exactly how much power does the mayor of New York City have?

      1. sarcasmic

        He does have the seventh biggest army in the world.

      2. Exactly how much power does the mayor of New York City have?

        Too much.

    7. VG Zaytsev

      Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg said Thursday in an effort to crack down on what he called a citywide and national epidemic of prescription drug abuse.

      Bloomberg – America’s Nannny.

    8. Rights-Minimalist Autocrat

      I really, really want to kick him in the nuts. And I’m wearing steel toed boots right now.

      1. NeonCat

        Since P H O N Y says this is a democracy and anything the majority wants goes, you have my vote for kicking Bloomberg in the nuts with your steel toed boots.

      2. Heedless

        Sorry to tell you this, but Bloomberg, as a charter member of Club Top Men, will have access to all the Demerol he wants as he recovers from his injuries.

    9. generic Brand

      Anyone who continues to live in New York at this point is an idiot or a statist (the two are not mutually exclusive). If you have an office job in NY there is no reason to live there… everything can be done on the internet now.

      1. Restoras

        *sheepishly raises hand*

        I desperately want out of here. It is insane. And, the people near the city absolutely suck donkey balls.

        Arizona? Kentucky? Texas? Montana?

        1. JEP

          Colorado

          1. This, too. If Colorado wasn’t so damned cold, I probably would have stayed there a little longer. I’ve lived damned near everywhere, and these are the top 2.

            1. Clich? Bandit

              pussy,

        2. Arizona? Kentucky? Texas? Montana?

          Northwest Arkansas. Laugh now, but when people visit here, they retire here.

          Pot is a “lowest priority” crime, all of the seasons are tolerable, you have one of the top 2-3 financial centers in America all around you, the scenery/wildlife/hunting/fishing is all top notch, violent crime is rare, and the cost of living is low.

        3. wingnutx

          Arizona needs more libertarians. Come on over.

    10. R C Dean

      I’m all for the people of New York serving as guinea pigs for statist excess.

      Beats having everyone in the country serve as guinea pigs, etc.

      1. Groovus Maximus

        And California, lest we not forget California! Let’s see how that yummy, yummy TEAM BLUE autocracy works…surely nothing can go wrong. Surely.

  6. sarcasmic

    James Holmes (theater shooter) has a fan club.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..olmes.html

    1. John

      The Night Stalker Richard Ramirez had tons of groupies and Charlie Manson still does. I guess it is the same reason some nuts like to collect poisonous snakes.

      1. And poisonous guns!

        1. RBS

          Eh, I’m more worried about constrictor guns that sneak in during the night and kill babies in their cribs.

          1. An ak-47 squooze me babee!

        2. Restoras

          Dude, its not the guns that are poisonous but the pistol grips, barrel shrouds and black paint that’s poisonous.

      2. I thought Kolchak was the night stalker.

        1. John

          That show was great.

          1. Bobarian

            Until the last season, when he ran out of good monsters to stalk, and started chasing sewer gators and other lame shit.

  7. invisible furry hand

    A severely disabled woman in the final stages of multiple sclerosis has lost her landmark Irish High Court challenge to the absolute ban on assisted suicide.

    more

    1. Why doesn’t she just drink herself to death like a regular mick.

      1. $park?

        like a regular mick.

        I think you answered your own question.

  8. Leon Panetta tells Hamid Karzai the U.S. will stand by Afghanistan even as plans emerge for a potential massive withdrawal.

    At least withdrawal to outside shooting distance of Afghan troops.

    1. That’s only 150m.

      And probably only about 20 of that with any accuracy.

      Or did we wind up giving them a bunch of M-4s?

      1. Brett L

        I think we finally taught them to shoot, if not American style, at least to NATO standards.

        1. Insert full magazine, level weapon toward enemy, fire all rounds, if Allah wills it, mine enemy shall fall.

          Oh wait, that is the Iraqi Army fire method.

          Some Afghans can shoot, more subscribe to the send-all-bullets-forward and hope method.

          1. Gray Ghost

            Was it you, John, who linked to the photos of trying to teach Afghan officers to shoot, and they kept closing their eyes as they fired, despite all attempts to make them stop? Hilarious.

            Did all of them die already who grew up hunting with some crappy bolt action Enfield or muzzle-loader?

            Still, enough of them can shoot straight to kill, what has it been, ~2000 Americans so far? God only knows what it’d be without the PPE this generation of soldiers has. I wonder what the estimated casualty rates would be for both Iraq and Afghanistan, with Vietnam War-era PPE and medical care?

          2. Oh wait, that is the Iraqi Army fire method.

            In my limited experience, “Iraqi Fire” is haphazardly spraying bullets sideways without looking at your target, as you run away as fast as you can.

    2. Leon Panetta tells Hamid Karzai the U.S. will stand by Afghanistan even as plans emerge for a potential massive withdrawal.

      Massive withdrawal is probably the best thing we can do to stand by Afghanistan.

      1. DJF

        Is it going to be withdrawal and still send billions to pay for the Afghan Army and Police and hope they don’t collapse?

        Or is it going to be withdrawal and not send money and the Afghan Army and Police collapse immediately?

        1. I believe this question answers itself.

          We will still be supporting Afghanistan 50 years from now. See stan, Paki.

          1. See also “Egypt”.

  9. PS

    A study finds male jurors are more likely to convict fat women, especially if the men are thin.

    I thought Rubensian was the proper term these days?

    1. Honestly, putting them in jail is doing them a favor.

      One, it’s easy for them to eat less and exercise more.

      Two, it’s harder for john to keep harassing them.

      1. PS

        That’s why he became a lawyer!

        1. geneparmesano

          I have been lurking here for quite awhile, and every reference to a certain person’s proclivity for the chunkier lass makes me giggle like someone who giggles a lot.

          Thank you!

      2. EDG reppin' LBC

        Two, it’s harder for john to keep harassing them.

        Coffee. Laptop. Ruined. Thanks.

  10. invisible furry hand

    Behold – the portrait of Dorian Middleton in the attic of Buckingham Palace

    1. I’d want a re-do. Although, I guess if she gets kidnapped in 15 years after having three kids, they can use that picture to help find her.

    2. RBS

      The webpage cannot be found.

      1. Here, have the daily fail one:

        http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..ead_module

  11. sarcasmic

    Grandma scares off robber with a gun. Good thing this wasn’t in NYC or she would be locked up.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/new…..g-gun.html

    1. Just proves their point:

      Guns are terrifying.

    2. Brett L

      “Just like a wop to bring a knife to a gun fight”

  12. sarcasmic

    Megan Fox.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..-site.html

    1. Megan Fox quits Twitter after a week… saying she doesn’t ‘get the point’ of social networking site

      Ask Anthony Weiner. I’m sure he can explain it to you.

  13. …after the IMF insisted the cuts are harmful to the economy.

    That tune sounds familiar.

    1. Like when that Leonard Skinner guy ripped off Kid Rock’s All Summer Long.

      1. EDG reppin' LBC

        You are en fuego this morning.

        1. Don’t encourage him to act out like this.

  14. sarcasmic

    Anne Hathaway
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..arpet.html

    1. John

      Great body, but she is just not that pretty, especially with the short hair. She really seems to have peaked at about 17.

      1. Nonsense.

        1. She is a liberal. John prefers someone like Margeret Thatcher.

          1. John

            Fuck off sock puppet.

          2. Certified Public Asskicker

            So is Scarlett. Difference is, one looks like a woman the other looks like a little boy.

          3. “Free minds” used to mean something here!

            1. That really is a good one.

        2. Red Rocks Rockin

          This is the same woman who said “I look like my gay brother” after she cut her hair.

          Really needs no further explanation.

      2. PS

        She’s got a nice profile but not the features to pull off a front shot with the short hair like say Audrey Hepburn.

        1. I’d pull off a front shot with her any day of the week.

          1. sarcasmic

            aye

          2. PS

            And that’s why we need more gun control.

        2. John

          Her features suck. That big nose, that weird jawline. She is not aging well. She really does seem to have been a gorgeous if bit gawky teenager who turned into a bit of an odd looking woman.

          1. PS

            I wouldn’t say they suck but her nose does sort of ruin the aesthetic. Strong but elegant features are a must to pull off the short hair look, no one had that more than Audrey.

          2. Rasilio

            That’s because she needs to put on about 20 lbs.

            There is definitely such a thing as too thin and she’s getting dangerously close to that line and it is negatively impacting her looks

      3. Restoras

        Her mouth and nose are too big for her face – kinda like a goblin from Harry Potter. S’ok though, everyone looks good in the dark.

        1. John

          She is a classic single bagger. Her body is fantastic. But I am just not getting the face.

      4. robc

        I agree with John. Something is wrong with her face, and I think the short hair accentuates the wrongness.

      5. Enough About Palin

        “She really seems to have peaked at about 17.”

        I had no idea she was only seventeen when they filmed Love and Other Drugs.

        http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1385727744/tt0758752

  15. sarcasmic

    Candice Swanepoel
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..msuit.html

    1. John

      Baby got back.

    2. Brett L

      Weird how much bigger her tits look in the staged shot than the candid at the bottom.

      1. I think you mean, “Weird that they use a completely flat-chested woman as a lingerie model, but unsurprising that when they do they have to airbrush some cleavage on after.”

        It’s something I really don’t get. Real models are supposed to look like that. But lingerie models? Makes no sense.

        1. Brett L

          I mean, weird how I can drive down sorority row today (its gonna be almost 80F) and see better than that lying in the sun. In fact, I think I probably will do that.

          I still think she uses an ass double.

          1. Arching your back really hard is cheaper than an ass double, and based on my brief research, that’s what she seems to do all the time. Least arched found.

            1. Groovus Maximus

              Squats, folks. There is no substitute for squats. Even The Groovy One has reclaimed his DAT ASS! with the tried and true squats. (And Dr. Podruga Groovova approves.-)

              1. JEP

                I’m sure Warty would agree. As do I.

  16. invisible furry hand

    Nokia says it does decrypt some customer information over HTTPS traffic, but isn’t spying on people

    Well that’s OK then

    more

    1. Nothing we can do about it. They’re in a bunker made out of their phones.

      1. T

        Oh, so it’s a bunker no one cares about? Good way to be undetectable, I guess.

  17. The 10 Most Hated Companies in America
    http://finance.yahoo.com/news/…..27740.html

    Many of the most hated companies have millions of customers and tens of thousands of workers. With this kind of reach, keeping employees happy is crucial to more than just good office morale. Poor job satisfaction regularly results in low customer satisfaction.

    1. J.C. Penney
    2. Dish Network Corp
    3. T-Mobile USA
    4. Facebook Inc
    5. Citigroup Inc.
    6. Research In Motion Ltd.
    7. American Airlines
    8. Nokia
    9. Sears Holding Corp.
    10. Hewlett-Packard

    1. wareagle

      unpossible. Wal-Mart is not on that list. Sacre bleu!!11!

      1. Drake

        Impossible that the top 5 aren’t all airlines.

        1. I also find it hard to believe Comcast isn’t on the list.

    2. Ed

      I like T-Mobile well enough

      1. Agreed, I’ve had no problems with them in ~ 10 years.

        Also, they now have a commercial with a hot woman in a latex cat suit walks around while Queens of the Stone Age plays in the background.

    3. John

      Why Penney’s?

      1. Certified Public Asskicker

        I don’t get it either. I don’t shop there, but I don’t know of anyone who walks around loathing JC Penney’s either.

        Same with Sears.

        1. John

          Sears still has the best deals on tools or appliances. I don’t see any reason to hate it.

        2. RBS

          Hipsters?

          1. John

            Isn’t shopping at Sears something they would do ironically?

            1. Sears should stock PBR. But they’d probably try to sell you a maintenance agreement with every six-pack.

              1. John

                Why not? I bet hipsters would be dumb enough to buy it.

                1. Full disclosure: I drink PBR, but unironically. (It’s a family thing.)

      2. mr simple

        They raised prices, which drove away customers, which hurt their stock price, so they eliminated dividends. The article doesn’t really define hate but say it’s based on customer reviews, employee reviews and stock prices.

    4. PS

      HP more hated than Microsoft? What kind of a world is this? And Nokia? What did those cute little Finns do to deserve all the haters?

      1. robc

        HP is losing shareholders money.

        Ditto for Nokia apparently.

        Note: I skimmed the article

        1. PS

          Yeah apparently that was a big factor.

          1. Groovus Maximus

            Read the article before commenting?! You sir, are in violation of the H&R Commenters Union. In heap big trouble, you are!

            Turn in your top hat & monocle, sir.

            1. PS

              You’ll take my monocle when you pry it from my cold, drunken, Becherovka-stained hands.

    5. John

      And how did both Apple and Microsoft miss the list? Microsoft should be on the list for what it did to Word alone.

      1. Apple has the absolute highest levels of customer satisfaction in virtually any sector.

        1. Apple is a liberal company – thus incurring the wrath of John.

          I am sure he hates Disney too.

          1. John

            Fuck off sock puppet.

            1. Give us some more predictions, Red Tony. I want to bet the other way.

              1. Jeff

                I predict that shriek will greet each of this year’s civil rights violations with, “But BOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!”

          2. The Gnome-Mobile used to mean something around here!

          3. protefeed

            Apple is a technology company. Some of the biggest TEAM RED people I know are Apple fanatics. And all sorts of people own iPods.

            The DERP is strong with Buttplug.

        2. KDN

          Apple has the absolute highest levels of customer satisfaction in virtually any sector.

          Their enterprise-level support is just awful. They are the absolute worst vendor I have to deal with, even edging out Verizon.

        3. I doubt that seriously, seeing some of the complaints about Apple’s customer service in connection with the iPad. I have a feeling the cult skews that a little, too.

          1. Apple is the best in the industry.

      2. Microsoft should be on the list for what it did to Word alone.

        A million times this.

        1. Excel, too. Now that I’m used to the current configuration, they’ll probably come out with entirely different menus for MS Office 2014.

          1. Bring back Lotus 1-2-3!

            1. Bobarian

              And WordPerfect!

    6. I’m very pleased to know that I don’t engage in commerce with ANY of those companies.

    7. Quite surprised at Dish Network, as they seem cool and have good customer service.

      The rest I’d expect, except for Research in Motion, which I have no idea.

    8. Drax the Destroyer

      And I’m sure people like all of this villainous organizations more than the USPS, DMV, TSA, and Congress.

    9. EDG reppin' LBC

      No Bank of America?

      No Exxon?

      No Tyson Foods?

      This whole survey seems pretty made up.

      1. generic Brand

        No Comcast either, which pretty much solidified the bogus-ness of the survey to me.

    10. VG Zaytsev

      JC Penney?

      WTF

    11. NeonCat

      From the article:

      Why are some companies hated? The answer often depends on who is asking. Corporations can anger their customers, fail their shareholders, and mistreat their employees. 24/7 Wall St. analyzed each of these angles to pick the 10 most hated companies in America.

      So these companies fall into the center of a Venn diagram, so to speak, made from the circles of dissatisfied customers, employees and shareholders.

    12. Rasilio

      Yeah I don’t think their methodology to determine the level of hatred towards the company is valid.

      First off it seems to be overly biased towards investors being pissed about stock prices or customers simply preferring the competition.

      I don’t know of ANYONE who hates JC Penny, Sears, or RIM. Mostly they are just completely indifferent to them.

      On the other hand, say the name “Wal Mart” or “Monsanto” in the right places and you’re likely to see multiple erupt into swirling balls of pure rage.

  18. 50 Shades inspired aerobics
    http://web.orange.co.uk/articl…..d_aerobics

    A New York fitness expert is running workout classes based on steamy bestseller 50 Shades of Grey.

    Kristen James says her ’50 Shapes of Grey’ classes can help people act out scenes in EL James’ erotic novels, reports the New York Daily News.

    1. sarcasmic

      Oh my.

    2. Hrm…how else can we bandwagon this:

      50 Shacks of Grey – bondage inspired rustic cabins
      50 Sharks of Grey – I don’t know…collectible card game featuring bondage inspired sharks?
      50 Shakes of Grey – Bondage inspired milkshakes
      50 Shanes of Grey – I might need help with this one
      50 Shaqs of Grey – I don’t even
      50 Shares of Grey – bondage inspired financial advice
      50 Chaises of Grey – too easy
      50 Shaves of Grey – Bondage inspired personal toiletry

      Now you.

      1. 50 Shamwows of Grey

        1. Are you gettin’ this, camera guy?

        2. Groovus Maximus

          And the sequel: 50 Slapchops of Grey

          1. Red Rocks Rockin

            You’re gonna love his nuts.

      2. invisible furry hand

        I’m partial to this

        https://twitter.com/50ShedsofGrey

        1. Another win from the hand. (Didn’t you also recommend KimKierkegaardashian?) Awesome. Thanks.

          1. invisible furry hand

            Glad I’m two for two CN – will try to go for three in a row

            1. Miguel Bloombito.

              You’re welcome.

              1. mr simple

                Por que not Piazza que electedo? Hallo de Shameo. Hallo de Lameo!

                That is hilarious.

                1. invisible furry hand

                  Todos los base, are belongo to mi!

                  1. My favorite is:

                    Uno Ringo to que rule todos all,
                    Uno Ringo to que findo them,
                    Uno Ringo to bringo todos all
                    Y en el darko stop y frisko them

          2. robc

            RE: Megan Fox above

            The purpose of twitter is parody twitter accounts.

        2. H. Reardon

          https://twitter.com/50ShedsofGrey

          That made my morning. Fantastic.

      3. Restoras

        I don’t know…collectible card game…

        This could be interesting.

      4. bmp1701

        50 Sharts of Grey – Extra-absorbing underwear for post-bondage wear.

        50 Ships of Grey – Yachts, with dungeons included

        50 Shags of Grey – Bondage-themed bordello

      5. Brett L

        50 Shaves of Grey

        This is already a porno movie involving old women and shaving fetishes. Oh, wow. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

      6. gaijin

        50 Shaves of Grey…cold be a p0rno featuring seniors.

        1. gaijin

          @Brett: something about [adjective] minds thinking alike.

          1. Brett L

            I can’t help it that Rule 34 is where my brain goes on the Internet.

      7. NeonCat

        50 Greys of Grey – aliens abduct people for BDSM

      8. “50 Shanes of Grey – I might need help with this one”

        Variations on Westerns?

      9. Groovus Maximus

        50 Shivs of Grey – The uninspired, yet mildly gripping tale of fag bumming, shiv packing, Mackey D’s scarfing, turpentine swilling CHAVS and their mis-adventures in the West End.

      10. AuH2O

        50 Shanes of Grey is for lesbians

  19. invisible furry hand

    “I’m-a show you I can get what’s in your pants excited.”

    Relax, it’s SFW

    1. $park?

      Chubby little cross-eyed chick with no boobs? I suppose John might like her.

      1. mr simple

        No boos? You do realize that was the guy that opened his shirt, right? Not that I’m defending her. I would have accepted no butt.

        1. mr simple

          *boobs, I’m sure there are lots of boos directed at this video.

    2. robc

      Has anyone pointed out to her that she cant sing?

      1. Have you read the comments?

        My favorite: “It’s all fun and games till someone loses their period.?”

  20. James Watson Says Antioxidants May Actually Be Causing Cancer
    http://io9.com/5975002/james-w…..ing-cancer

    Celebrated geneticist James Watson, one of several researchers who won the Nobel Prize for discovering the structure of DNA, has just published what can only be called a cancer manifesto in Open Biology. It’s full of fairly harsh criticisms for current cancer researchers, but also suggests several ways forward in the “war on cancer.” Among other claims, Watson asserts that antioxidants like vitamin C ? often recommended as cancer-prevention supplements ? could be causing some forms of cancer. He also has harsh words for personalized medicine, and the laziness of cancer researchers.

    1. Crick was always the fun one.

    2. gaijin

      The areas he recommends for exploration are worth evaluating imo…the idea that ‘these researchers today are so lazy, what with their 5-day work weeks and such’ just sounds like old manism.

      1. You cancer researchers get off my lawn!

        1. Groovus Maximus

          They should. Grass, of course, is carcinogenic. Especially fescue.

          1. Fescue, that’s why!

    3. PS

      This goes back the CARET study (1996):

      To quote Wikipedia:

      The Beta-Carotene and Retinol Efficacy Trial (CARET) including 14,000 smokers and ex-smokers 50?69 years old consisting of beta-carotene (30 mg) and retinol (25,000 IU). Results suggested 28% more cancer and 17% greater mortality.

      The results were so bad they cut the study short.

      http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8901853

      1. robc

        “Yea, I got the placebo!” isnt something you here very often.

        1. robc

          s/here/hear/

      2. NeonCat

        You’ll pry my antioxidants out of my dead, cancerous hand.

      3. Groovus Maximus

        This is why I laugh and laugh and laugh at those poor, misguided, horribly emaciated, iron poor souls who bought into Veganism for the alleged health bennies.

        Folks, eat a damn steer and indulge in yummy saturated animal fat. Though to be fair, clean your grill (both of them) after every grilling. Char is, however, admittedly an enemy.

        1. robc

          Char provides flavor.

          1. Groovus Maximus

            True, but not the entire slab of steak. Char lines are of course unavoidable. The point was to clean your barbie after every grilling.

            Ask IFH, she’s an expert in these things.

        2. PS

          AGEs?

          1. Groovus Maximus

            Which one? That acronym applies to a bunch of things.

  21. A study finds male jurors are more likely to convict fat women, especially if the men are thin.

    Concivted of having more cushion for the pushin’.

    1. “Potential Juror number four, would you ever describe your feelings towards the defendant as ‘wanting to wear her like a flesh tuxedo?'”

      1. “Fat bottomed girls, you make the legal world go round”

        1. PS

          “I met her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day, you know what I mean”

      2. Bobarian

        ‘Gonna sink her with my pink torpedo!’

    2. You know, three times I tried to correct that “convicted” misspelling before submitting, and apparently thought I had. Sudden onset lysdexia.

    3. KMA Too

      Fist, you made my day with that one.

      Shoulda used a “!”, though.

    4. KMA Too

      The cushion comment, that is.

  22. DJF

    “”‘EU Commissioner says keep cutting spending”””””

    But EU spending is going up. And since the EU gets its money from its member countries, they end up with the debt and the EU with the money.

  23. Can Republicans Win a Government Shutdown?
    http://www.humanevents.com/201…..-shutdown/

    If Republicans do happen to force a shutdown in Washington, it’s very possible they’ll be embracing a political loser while doing the rest of us an immense favor.

    With three Washington-manufactured fiscal apocalypses ? sequestration, the debt ceiling and a new “budget” ? on the docket, the idea of shutting down government to extract concessions from the iron trap sometimes known as the Obama administration has gained traction among Republicans. Or, I should say, the idea of threatening to shut down Washington has.

    1. Drax the Destroyer

      Wait…they can just shut it down? Why couldn’t those pussies shut it down when Bush 2 Fuck You was emperor? Could have saved us a lot of bullshit.

      1. gaijin

        Bush 2, Fuck You Bug-a-loo. The sequel to Bush 1, by a Chad.

    2. It isn’t as if they could get any less popular anyway.

  24. invisible furry hand

    Syria’s 11 year old killing machine

    more

    1. generic Brand

      He says he does not miss school or want to stay at home with his mother and two sisters.

      “I want to stay as a fighter until Bashar is killed,” he says, referring to Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

      The first sentence made me respect him. The second sentence made me admire him.

  25. The law also covers former First Ladies and children of presidents until they turn 18.

    WHICH PRESIDENTS ARE MARRYING UNDERAGED FIRST LADIES???

    1. It’s former First Ladies…so which presidents are divorcing underaged First Ladies?!

  26. Time to be like Ike
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..story.html

    It’s telling that one of Chuck Hagel’s favorite gifts to friends recently has been a biography of President Dwight Eisenhower, a war hero whose skepticism toward the military is a model for Hagel’s own.

    Thinking about Eisenhower’s presidency helps clarify the challenges and dilemmas of Barack Obama’s second term. Like Ike, Obama wants to pull the nation back from the overextension of global wars of the previous decade. Like Ike, he wants to trim defense spending and reduce the national debt.

    1. John

      Thinking about Eisenhower’s presidency helps clarify the challenges and dilemmas of Barack Obama’s second term. Like Ike, Obama wants to pull the nation back from the overextension of global wars of the previous decade. Like Ike, he wants to trim defense spending and reduce the national debt.

      Last term he was going to close Guitmo, end the overseas wars and solve the deficit. Take whatever the Village Idiot says and figure he will do the exact opposite.

    2. It has nothing to do with Eisenhower being brought in to do a hatchet job on the Taft Republicans attempts to fully roll back the new deal and the military industrial complex.

      Eisenhower was IMHO one of many presidents whose actual accomplishments do not justify the good reputation they have.

      1. Mike M.

        The flip side to that is, which president since Eisenhower has been as good as he was?

        Most of them haven’t even come close. I would argue that Ike was one of the only very good presidents we have from the 20th century on.

        1. Restoras

          What exactly was it that Ike did that makes him so great?

          Was it…teh roadzzz?

          1. Mike M.

            The fact that he didn’t want to try to micromanage every aspect of American life was precisely what made him great! Or at least relatively great compared to the lilliputians we have gotten used to since.

          2. robc

            He ran a surplus a few times, something Clinton couldnt quite pull off.

            And, yes, Ike had one in the Treasury Dept sense of total debt going down, INCLUDING intergovernmental debt.

            Clinton had a “surplus” excluding intergovernmental debt.

          3. Chinny Chin Chin

            After Sputnik went up, the US had a national pants-wetting moment. Every media outlet, commentator and self-aggrandizing congressman was screaming for Ike to DO SOMETHING OR WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!

            Ike played golf for the cameras. When they were off he started the country’s space-based and high-altitude surveillance programs.

            Calm for the public, smart behind the scenes.

          4. Mike M.

            And by the way, I have a confession to make: I do in fact like cars and roads. Especially really fast cars and really big roads that I can drive really fast on.

            I have no problem whatsoever with the Interstate Highway System; in my mind it’s one of the very few things the government actually did pretty well. It also allowed enormous amounts of goods and produce to be transported across long distances to pretty much anywhere in the country in amazingly short amounts of time. If that’s not ideologically pure enough for the anarchists, I don’t really care.

          5. Red Rocks Rockin

            What exactly was it that Ike did that makes him so great?

            Well, he was the last US President to actually pay down our debt.

        2. Spoonman.

          Jimmy Fuckin’ Carter. Deregulation machine.

          1. Restoras

            With all the delicious craft beers on the market these days, I have to tip my hat to him, even though he sucked royal donkey balls.

            1. robc

              He deregulated homebrewing, which, yeah, yeah, led to a lot of craft breweries.

              But, technically, there was nothing in the way of commercial craft brewing that he deregulated.

        3. robc

          Coolidge was better.

  27. Python on plane wing shocks and fascinates passengers aboard flight
    http://www.examiner.com/articl…..ard-flight

    Australian passengers were stunned to see a python on the plane wing during their flight from Cairns to Papua New Guinea. According to CBS News on Jan. 10, the python managed to stay on the Qantas plane’s wing until the plane landed in Port Moresby, though it was said to have been dead upon the plane’s arrival.

    Snakes on a plane!

    1. Brett L

      Holy shit, even the gremlins in Oz look like snakes.

    2. PS

      Quantus never crashed. Never crashed.

      1. robc

        Not true, even at time of movie. They had a couple of planes shot down during WW2.

        1. invisible furry hand

          Qantas had a few crashes in the early days before WW2. It’s never had a jetliner crash, however

        2. Groovus Maximus

          You shop at K-Mart, don’t you, robc?-D

          1. robc

            You shop at K-Mart, don’t you, robc?

            Im not sure what that means, do they have a special pedantry section or something?

            1. Groovus Maximus

              Quothe the Rainman: “K-MART SUCKS!”

        3. PS

          Gryocpters shot down in the wasteland don’t count.

          1. Groovus Maximus

            Just to be picky, there was no way Lord Humungus could have shot down the Gyrocopter at that range with that choice of sidearm.

            1. PS

              Pfft, next you are going to point out the similarity to horse-faced pilot in another pilot in another Australian documentary.

              1. Groovus Maximus

                What other documentary? There were only two. I think you have been swilling too much aquavit.

                1. PS

                  The water of life only increases my powers of perception. It is you consumers of little water who suffer cognitive dementia.

  28. Warty

    Uncle Toms, Unite!

    What I like about these shitty editorials is that they all use exactly the same phrases. It must feel good to follow orders.

    1. John

      The media, the resident sock puppets, they all get their daily talking points. Liberals love central control.

    2. The 1791 authors of the Second Amendment (Right to Bear Arms) knew about muskets. Had they envisioned the lethality of an errant individual with today’s military assault rifle, there would surely never have been a Second Amendment. Had the authors of the First Amendment (Freedom of Speech, etc.) envisioned the disruptive political power of an errant individual with the internet, there surely would never have been a First Amendment.

      Some people really have no clue about what our founders thought.

      1. Brett L

        Declaration of…. something. I can’t remember now.

      2. Rasilio

        Lol given that the Pilgrims fled to America largely to escape the political aftereffects of a civil war that can be directly attributed to the invention of the printing press 2oo years earlier I am fairly certain that they were well aware od the disruptive effects of new speech technology.

  29. sarcasmic

    Oh, and Piers Morgan is still a douche.
    http://www.breitbart.com/Breit…..ittle-Book

    1. wareagle

      if we just remained a British colony.

      1. Did anyone see that tar and feather scene from John Adams? That was not the fun I thought it would be.

        1. invisible furry hand

          I just rewatched that – snap! It was a really awful scene, and the dramatic licence taken with Sam and John didn’t help. BTW, what did you think of the Adams / George III encounter? Almost word for word what actually transpired, too

          1. I’ll have to rewatch that. All I recall from that was that his majesty was amused Adams didn’t speak French, and Adams was still a bit in awe of the king. Overall I enjoyed that miniseries.

    2. VG Zaytsev

      PM:
      How dare you accuse me of standing on the graves of little children, you bloodthisty vampire. Those kids are dead because of the likes of you

    3. Francisco d Anconia

      Thanks for that.

      *takes second blood pressure pill*

  30. Enough About Palin

    From today’s AJC Vent:

    Don’t you wish government was as interested in SPENDING CONTROL as they are in GUN CONTROL?

    Score: 392 (voted to the top)

  31. I originally posted this comment on the Taft shooting in the FF thread, but I’ll repost it here since that abomination is dead.

    I was there (about 1/2 mile away) when it went down. The townspeople out there are almost all armed to the teeth. I stopped in McDonalds probably an hour after it went down and word was it was a known feud between one kid and two others. Also from my local sources (which are very reliable), the kid that did the shooting had been suspended last year for threatening to shoot the other two and brandishing a gun in town. The local po-po did their job well and took the kid and gun home to his parents to deal with on that occasion. On this occasion they missed him because, get this, there’s always an armed cop on duty at the high school, but the cop who was supposed to be on yesterday was snowed in and they didn’t replace him because the other officers were on set traffic patrols. IOW, the revenue generation aspect of their job was more important than the public safety part of it. That’s gonna cause some parents to b pissed off, especially the ones that got pulled over for speeding yesterday morning.

    To add fuel to the fire, the contract for the officers at the school had just changed when the Taft police department underbid the Kern County Sheriff’s Dept, which had the contract up until recently. So look for a bit of an internal turf war as well.

    1. John

      Gotta write those tickets. If no one was there, how did they get there so quick to shoot the guy?

      1. The situation was defused by the teacher, who talked the kid (the shooter was a 16 year old) into putting the gun down and walking out with his hands up. The cops apparently arrived on scene about 3 minutes after the incident started but the kid was disarmed with his hands in the air before the arrived at the doorway.

        The guy teaching the class also refused medical attention and refused to be interviewed after the incident. That man had some big balls.

        1. John

          No shit. For some reason I thought they shot the shooter. But I guess not. Yeah, that teacher is a hero.

        2. Drax the Destroyer

          The guy teaching the class also refused medical attention and refused to be interviewed after the incident. That man had some big balls.

          Somebody get that man some coke and a porn star to fuck!

  32. invisible furry hand

    another reason to despise the Australian Federal Government:

    The Human Rights and Anti-Discrimination Bill 2012 makes a number of signi?cant changes to anti-discrimination law in Australia, including:
    ? broadening the de?nition of discrimination to include conduct that ‘offends’ and ‘insults’ (clause 19-2)
    ? making it easier for a person to claim they were discriminated against, by requiring them to establish only that
    they were personally offended, not that a reasonable person would have been offended (cl 19-2)
    ? expanding the range of personal characteristics against which it is unlawful to discriminate, to include not only
    matters such as disability, race, and religion, but also ‘political opinion’ and ‘social origin’ (cl 17-1)
    ? reducing the legal protection of a person accused of discrimination, by:
    ? declaring them guilty unless they prove their innocence, i.e. the ‘onus of proof’ is reversed (cl 124-1)
    ? restricting their right to legal representation (cl 110-4)
    ? requiring them to pay all the costs of their own defence even if they are found to be innocent (cl 133)

    more

    1. DJF

      I am offended by the Australian government!!!!. Where is my compensation check?

    2. They’re trying to copy Mother England so they can charge people for making insulting tweets and ruin their lives by sticking them in jail.

      For a nation founded by convicts, you guys sure went soft quickly.

    3. And yet that accent continues to go unpunished.

    4. Why don’t they just hand out pamphlets with a list of approved phrases that people can say and outlaw everything else?

    5. I would have thought their being Australian was reason enough to despise the Australian Federal Government.

    6. Groovus Maximus

      Poor IFH! Your toilets flush backwards, all those poisonous critters, and now this!

      I should have rescued you from that penal colony when I had the chance, and put you up in some quaint and elegant dacha on the steppes.

      1. invisible furry hand

        I appreciate the kindness, but I would die of homesickness. Tuesday AM links started at 1am Wed our time – and it was still over 90 degrees F. I was woken up this morning at 4.30 by a kookaburra. Souths will fuck up again this season. Mt Government wants me to be able to sue someone who insults my libertarianism. What’s not to love?

        1. Groovus Maximus

          Truth be told, in spite of recent happiness I have found, I am still very homesick for the USA even with the rampant Pinko Statism rearing its ugly head, and it’s more pronounced than I had anticipated.

          It’s why I try to get as much Reason time in as possible, as all of you folks are my slice of USA whilst abroad.

          1. SugarFree

            I am America. Be glad you left.

            1. Groovus Maximus

              In all seriousness, Saccharin Man, you are one of my best friends here.

              I’ll quit now before your Diabeetus gets worse from all the sappy, squishy, sugary emotion.-)

    7. VG Zaytsev

      What the fuck is wrong with Anglo countries?

      Seriously they’ve gone full retard on this shit.

    8. Warty

      ? declaring them guilty unless they prove their innocence, i.e. the ‘onus of proof’ is reversed (cl 124-1)

      What what what???

    9. Warty

      Goddammit, that pisses me off. Only Michelle Jenneke can make me feel any better about Oz.

  33. The Late P Brooks

    Like Ike, Obama wants to pull the nation back from the overextension of global wars of the previous decade. Like Ike, he wants to trim defense spending and reduce the national debt.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    1. Drax the Destroyer

      Like Ike, Obama will not even think about shitting on the 2nd amendment…

      Oh wait…

  34. Astra

    Want to get people in Boulder upset about police overreach? Kill a local elk and suddenly everyone is up in arms. This story just keeps on giving: local cop with a side business in taxidermy, grieving neighbors holding a candlelight vigil for the slain elk, and best of all, the shooter who is dumb enough to pose for pictures next to his kill.

    1. I lived in a Boulder for a year… strange, strange place.

      1. Drax the Destroyer

        Yeah the cosmopolitan infusion over the past 20 years has not been an improvement. On recent trip to CO where I drove all over the damn state, the only place I ever encountered east coast levels of horrendous traffic was in Boulder. That’s all I needed to know the place was fucked.

        1. sarcasmic

          With all the paths and stuff it’s actually quicker to get around that town on a bicycle than in a car.

          1. Drax the Destroyer

            Yeah despite my earlier rant, Boulder still seemed like a better place to be than 90% of the east coast. Fuck this place.

            1. sarcasmic

              I dunno. I’m in Maine and I’d rather live here than in Boulder. The cops there act like an occupying army.

              1. Drax the Destroyer

                I think by “East Coast” I generally mean Florida to NYC. Maine is basically a Canadian tumor anyway (but yes, I’ve heard it kicks some ass).

                1. Drax the Destroyer

                  Oh and throw the Massholes and their satellites in as well.

      2. Azathoth!!

        It’s the aliens.

    2. sarcasmic

      Boulder cops suck.

      1. Restoras

        Is it the Boulder cops or just Boulder? How many CA refugees ended up in Boulder?

        A candlelight vigil for a fucking elk? In Colorado? I’m taking the cop’s side for the moment.

        1. sarcasmic

          From the comments.

          Beat a raccoon to death with a stick for eating your garbage, and get a felony charge.

          Kill a trophy elk on the front lawn of a Boulder residence under false pretense, and get a paid vacation.

          Any questions?
          http://www.dailycamera.com/bou…..i_19358749

          1. Restoras

            Lotta derp in those comments.

            True enough that the cop is getting preferential treatment just becasue he is a boy in blue and enjoys the prtection of the state. However, the law in question is utterly moronic.

            It looks to me like the bigger problem is just the residents of Boulder.

            My grandfather, a veterinarian, trapped one in a have-a-heart that had been raiding his garbage cans…and he promptly injected it with enough sedative to kill it. I asked him why he didn’t take it far away and release it. He explained to me that racoons are vermin. They spread disease and can be viscous animals. If he released it the animal would just casue problems for someone else, if not find its way back to his house.

            1. Groovus Maximus

              For those that might not know what a Havahart is.

              Disclaimer: The Groovy One was not recompensed in any way, shape, or AnonBot form for this blatant and obvious SHILL!

            2. If you don’t release a raccoon at least 75 miles fro where you trapped it, there is a good chance it will beat you home.

          2. mr simple

            Yeah, but someone said it looked like those boys were enjoying killing that raccoon which means they’re serial killers and should get raped in jail before getting the chair.

            /derpy boulder residents

      2. EDG reppin' LBC

        Boulder All cops suck.

        FIFY

        1. sarcasmic

          Boulder cops are some of the worst I’ve seen.

          One afternoon I was watching some kids playing music outside in their driveway, and along comes a white van and a couple squad cars. A dozen men rush out and some disperse the crowd while the others took on the musicians. As I watched in shock as they systematically destroyed thousands of dollars worth of musical equipment and beat the hell out of the kids, one rushed me asking if I wanted some. I ran.

    3. It was a beloved elk, not some asshole possibly smoking the drugs in his house. People cared.

      1. It was a beloved elk, not some asshole possibly smoking the drugs in his house. People cared.

        Beloved? Just what the hell are they doing with elk in Boulder?

        1. Bobarian

          For an elk to beloved, I think you need a stack of books to stand on and something to hold the head still.

    4. John

      I bet those neighbors wouldn’t have been grieving so much had the elk stomped one of their little snowflakes. People are just fucking stupid. They really think wild animals are just like our pets.

      1. sarcasmic

        When I lived there it was not uncommon to find deer munching on the flowers in the morning.

        1. John

          That is true about everywhere these days. But Elk are not deer. Elk are huge. They run well over a thousand pounds. They are almost as big and dangerous as a moose. They are not really something you want in your backyard even though they are magnificent creatures.

          1. They run well over a thousand pounds.

            No they don’t, John.

            Cows are from 500-550 or so, and bulls from 700-750.

            They’re huge, yes, but they are not nearly as big as a moose, nor are they even close to 1000 lbs.

            1. John

              Ok. But deer run from 100 to 200. They are three times the size of a deer. And much more dangerous.

              1. Yes. A HUGE whitetaildeer will be 220. Mule deer bucks can be double that.

            2. WTF

              The Professional Bull Riders (PBR) state that the average weight of a rodeo bull is 1,700-1,800 pounds. Rarely do they weigh less than 1,200

            3. WTF

              Quick elk fact – A mature bull elk can easily top out in the 1,000 lb range with averages being somewhere between 600 and 850 lbs.

          2. bostonaod

            I had a moose in my backyard once, just outside of Boston. Motherfucker must have followed the B&M rail line down from Maine, but yeah, no need for coffee that morning.

            1. Bobarian

              Mind you, I was bit by a moose once.

        2. Restoras

          The white-tails in my neighborhood do that, the fuckers.

        3. Brett L

          Rats with fucking hooves.

  35. If at first you don’t succeed, try try again!: slapping women around edition.

    1. I’m sure his girlfriend will drop these charges as well.

      1. She will when he shows up tapping his gun hand with a couple of goons at his side. As I noted below witness intimidation by cops is tolerated.

        1. Brett L

          I miss the Warren Moon laws where one party had to go to jail overnight and prosecutors weren’t allowed to drop charges at the request of the victim.

          1. Funny how that was the case when the Bengals cheerleader/school teacher had a relationship with one of her students, but when a cop beats his wife, the charges get dropped

  36. The Late P Brooks

    the cop who was supposed to be on yesterday was snowed in and they didn’t replace him because the other officers were on set traffic patrols.

    But think of the dozens of people who didn’t die because the police were there enforcing the law.

  37. John

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/…..story.html

    White House to consider funding police for schools. But the media said that idea was crazy.

    1. NeonCat

      They hadn’t got the memo yet, okay?

  38. Drunk cop comes home and slaps wife around. Chief suspends him without pay for a change.

    1. Drax the Destroyer

      Well it’s good to know his wife-slapping can go uninterrupted by his job.

    2. So as a result of smacking his wife around he’s forced to stay home with his wife?

      1. Hey, I’m just happy that he’s not able to do it under color of law for a while.

        I also suggest his wife purchase a gun and ammunition.

  39. John

    http://openchannel.nbcnews.com…..agent?lite

    DEA agents arranged hookers for Secret Service Agents. It is always good to see a true joint operation.

    1. I wonder what their “fusion center” looks like?!

  40. The Late P Brooks

    White House to consider funding police for schools.

    “Spending problem? We ain’t got no spending problem!”

    1. John

      You knew they would eventually embrace that idea. Money for public sector unions is like crack to these people. But what is funny is that all of their media sock puppets spent a week telling the country how the NRA was insane for even proposing such an idea.

  41. I’m pretty sure I recall there being one poster on here that constantly tells us how great Seattle is and how the police there are such wonderful, upstanding officers that respect civil rights and so on and so forth. Well, they just paid out another excessive force claim for an officer smashing someone’s face into the ground for recording them.

    Bonus points given because this officer was also the asshole that paralyzed a guy by slamming his head into a wall for no reason whatsoever. The officer wasn’t charged criminally in either case. The taxpayers paid out $10M.

    1. Drax the Destroyer

      They should invest another 100K into mafia goons paralyzing the fucker.

  42. Brett L

    I don’t know who these girls are, but they look like discovered footage from 1990. And, judging from the fact that they’re not very attractive for healthy young women caked in makeup, I’m suspecting they’re British.

    1. Frankie Sandford, Mollie King, Rochelle, Una Healy, and Vanessa White are currently in America where they are promoting the launch of their major new E! series Chasing The Saturdays’ with major TV appearances lined up, including Jay Leno and The Today Show.

      Those aren’t American names.

    2. WTF

      they look like discovered footage from 1990

      The 90s didn’t reach Britain until 2009.

  43. The Late P Brooks

    their media sock puppets spent a week telling the country how the NRA was insane for even proposing such an idea.

    It’s insane to bring in the prison guards IN PLACE OF comprehensive sensible gun reform like eliminating large arbitrary segments of current production and making any transfer anywhere subject to FBI approval and entry into the national gun owners database and registry system.

    Why not both? is different. It’s like using suspenders to keep your gunbelt up.

  44. Cop with BAC nearly 3x the legal limit smashes head-on into teenager’s car. Starts showing up at kid’s home and is ordered to stop. (witness tampering and intimidation aren’t felonies for cops, I guess.) The officer’s attorney argues the injuries aren’t serious enough to warrant more serious charges.

    Meanwhile, the kid is doing physical and speech therapy. The cop is enjoying his pension.

    1. John

      I am not sure if Michigan is a castle doctrine state, but that asshole his really lucky the kid’s dad didn’t just shoot him and be done with it.

  45. Dunphy (the real one)

    I try not to respond to trolls, but what the heck…

    the matt paul slam the guy into the wall incident was Totally justified. the facts are clear and not in dispute

    fortunately, it’s on video.

    they chased the guy several blocks (he wouldn’t stop) and there’s lot of wanking about he might not have known they were police. I’ve seent eh metro uniforms downtown. they clearly identify.

    when he stopped and was starting to put his hands up a tackle was EASILY justified based on the fact that they had chased the suspect in a violent crime (he was pointed out erroneously as the involved party) several blocks and you don’t just deescalate and use standard handcuffing procedures in such an incident. you take the suspect down.

    unfortunately, MOmentum meant the tackle slammed him right into a nice hard wall and he’s in a coma

    it’s a tragedy, and we’ll never know why the guy ran, but it’s CLEARLY justified.

    there wasn’t even a question about it. you are pointed out as a suspect in a bloody violent assault and you lead police on a chase through downtown seattle, you just might get tackled.

    in my experience, i’d say at least 2/3 of my foot pursuits end with me tackling the guy. if he is starting to surrender that’s great, but a takedown is still clearly justified as the prosecutor’s know.

    that being said, I am glad the guy in the coma will be getting a nice settlement because it’s the right thing to do.

    1. John

      unfortunately, MOmentum meant the tackle slammed him right into a nice hard wall and he’s in a coma

      We train cops so they don’t do those sorts of things. I have told you this before, if we just wanted someone to beat the shit out of people, we would hire untrained goons. We hire and pay and train cops so shit like this doesn’t happen.

      As a cop you are held to a higher standard. Sorry, but if you fuck up and get someone killed, you are going to do some jail time and never work as a cop again. That is the problem. You assholes want all of the authority but none of the responsibility that goes with it.

      1. Dunphy (the real one)

        um, no. the tackle was CONSISTENT WITH TRAINING.

        iow, he did exactly what he was trained to do. I say that AS a use of force instructor. tackle is standard.

        we do not tell officers to make sure there’s not a wall nearby before you tackle a guy on an adrenaline fueled several block long foot pursuit of a suspected violent criminal

        i’ll say this again, we do NOT traibn cops so they don’t do those things. we train them TO tackle people pursuant to foot pursuits.

        and in 20+ yrs, the issue of a wall nearby has never come up in any training material on foot pursuits or use of force pursuant to tackles

        sure,in RETROSPECT, given the wall there, there were better options. but DURING a long foot pursuit, we don’t expect perfect UOF, we expect REASONABLE.

        and it was entirely reasonable, as the prosecutors quickly determined. very par for the course

        1. John

          Tackling someone with no room for them to fall certainly wasn’t part of the training dipshit. And clearly it wasn’t justified or the city wouldn’t have paid out ten million dollars. I used to represent cities and counties in a prior life. They are insured. And the insurance companies don’t pay out because it is a nice thing to do.

          The guy fucked up and put someone in a coma and cost the taxpayers ten million dollars. That is at least five years and never working in LE again.

          1. sarcasmic

            That is at least five years and never working in LE again.

            No, it’s a promotion and a round of high-fives from his buddies.

          2. Dunphy (the real one)

            yes, it IS part of training

            I’ve received such training. I suggest you haven’t

            the payout was a given. it’s a sympathy payout for a guy who is in a coma merely because he ran from police. I fully support it and I fully expected it

            it’s completely tangential to the fact that the deputy was justified, as the prosecutors nearly immediately said

            sympathy payout are par for the course. the facts are guy in a coma for running from police and with the officer acknowledging that he never yelled out “police” when starting the foot pursuit, there is a question if the guy knew he was being chased by cops

            it’s a tragedy and fully deserving of a payout.

            but it is entirely justified as a use of force.

            1. sarcasmic

              the facts are guy in a coma for running from police

              The guy is in a coma because cops take every opportunity to inflict the maximum amount of violence that they can get away with because you’re a bunch of sociopaths.

              1. WTF

                the facts are guy in a coma for running from police

                So you admit the violent tackle wasn’t for officer safety ot any other reason other than payback for daring to lead them on a chase. Nice.

                1. Dunphy (the real one)

                  no, the tackle is the accepted UOF to take a suspect down given the totality of the circs.

                  1. WTF

                    I think we’re talking past each other, here. Just because it is accepted by you and your bretheren, it doesn’t make it right.

                  2. Your ignorance is invincible.

                    1. no, the tackle is the accepted UOF to take a suspect down given the totality of the circs.

                      Your ignorance is invincible.

                  3. Rasilio

                    Dunphy the question is not whether it is or is not consistent with training or an accepted Use of Force. The question is why the fuck is it.

                    Just because someone ran away? Sorry, that doesn’t present a clear and present danger to anyone therefore no use of force should be justified.

                    Police should ONLY be authorized to use force in response to an imminent threat of force from the suspect. Anything else is unjustified regardless of what your proceedures say.

            2. robc

              officer acknowledging that he never yelled out “police”

              That has to be a violation of training. Anything after that is therefore a violation too. Fruit of poisoned tree or whatever.

        2. um, no. the tackle was CONSISTENT WITH TRAINING.

          When the training is that non-cops are sub-human, then yes, the tackle was consistent with training.

          1. Dunphy (the real one)

            I’ve tackled plenty of foot pursuit suspects. it’s par for the course

            1. And if you’re standing near where a crime took place and somebody points at you and yells, “that’s him, get him!” and a couple of guys start running at you with murder in their eyes and guns on their hips that do not identify themselves as police officers, what are you going to do? I suggest you run if you want to live.

              Well that’s what this guy did, and it’s a reasonable reaction.

      2. sarcasmic

        Sorry, but if you fuck up and get someone killed, you are going to do some jail time and never work as a cop again.

        Since when?

    2. sarcasmic

      Of course it was justified. It’s always justified.

      1. Dunphy (the real one)

        it’s often not justified, or at least alleged to be.

        I’ve had two buddies indicted for assault in the last 2 yrs. your mythology that use of force is always ruled justified is ridiculous.

        every day officers are disciplined, and in many cases fired for excessive force.

        1. sarcasmic

          Disciplined? As in some words and a paid vacation?

          Big fucking deal.

          In recent news round here some cops hosted an underage drinking party. They provided the place and the booze for a bunch of teenagers to get smashed.

          What happened? Absolutely nothing. No charges and they kept their jobs.

          I’m sure that anyone else would have been treated the same way, right? Right?

          Fucking pigs.

          1. Dunphy (the real one)

            you still are too stupid to recognize the difference between due process (admin leave) and PUNISHMENT which is leave w/o pay and/or firing.

            due process matters. even for cops

            1. sarcasmic

              Anyone else would be facing felony charges.

              Due process? Yeah, sure. Whatever.

        2. robc

          Every case that involved disciple for excessive force should see a grand jury, just in case.

          But prosecutors are pussies.

          1. sarcasmic

            Prosecutors and cops are on the same team. Their job is to cover for each other. Cops falsify evidence to get convictions and prosecutors overlook excessive force. Everyone wins!

        3. Rasilio

          “every day officers are disciplined, and in many cases fired for excessive force.

          “

          Disciplined?

          If I use violence against someone I go to jail, at least for the night until I can get someone to bail me out and will then be facing at a minimum misdemeanor assault charges.

          Further I am not a trained law enforcement officer with specific training in the law and specific authority to enforce said law.

          The fact is Police officers need to be held to HIGHER standards than the general public and as a result ANY unauthorized or excessive use of force should always 100% of the time result in felony criminal charges, not simple internal discipline possibly also including being fired.

    3. Jesus, Dunphy. You really are past hope.

      1. Dunphy (the real one)

        no, I judge use of force based on case law and common sense, just like the prosectutors did in the matt paul case.

        he acted consistent with training and a tackle is EXPECTED for pete’s sake

        you lead police, as a violent crime suspect, on a several block chase through downtown seattle, a tackle is ENTIRELY JUSTIFIED.

        I say that as an instructor in uof

        1. WTF

          I’m sorry, but if training says to violently tackle someone who is meekly surrendering, then the training is fucking idiotic bordering on criminal.

          1. Dunphy (the real one)

            again, totality of the circumstances

            1) suspected violent criminal in a just occurred bloody assault
            2) leads you on a several block chase through seattle
            3) has not been patted down (weapon status unknown)

            you round the corner, gasping after several blocks of chase and he is stopping and raising his hands.

            is a tackle justified? yes

            I would have tackled him

            there is no way I am going to make a physics based assessment on the wall distance and all that stuff. we tackle people all the time. it very rarely results in anything beyond scrapes and ouchies.

            granted, I am not 6’10 270, and my tackle likely wouldn’t have had the devastating impact his did, STILL running in foot pursuit mode

            1. WTF

              If he is stopping and surrendering, you order him to the ground, and only escalate to violent force if he fails to comply. You’re basically saying ‘suspects’ shouldn’t just surrender, because they are going to get pounded in any case.

              1. Dunphy (the real one)

                that’s your opinion. I am telling you that given the totality, *I* would choose the tackle and it is CLEARLY justified as the prosecutor said.

                suspects should surrender but given the fact pattern and that he was in the process, not proned out or anything, most officers myself included would choose to tackle at that point to END the pursuit. because nothing prevents him from starting to run again, and especially because there is a crowd there making pursuit difficult (the movie was just getting out iirc)

                what you propose is an option.

                I would choose the tackle.

                1. WTF

                  I would choose the tackle

                  Of course you would, and so would most other cops, which is exactly the problem. You think it is just fine to go right to violence instead of trying to de-escalate, especially with a surrendering ‘suspect’. You think the fact he might start to run again justifies potentially deadly violence to save yourself the trouble of chasing him. The rights and well being of fellow citizens never even comes into consideration here.

                  1. First of all, you guys are etting suckered into letting dunphy set the terms of the discussion. There was no “several block chase”. The guy ran for two blocks from armed people who refused to identify themselves after happening upon a bloody scene and having people yell, “there he is, get him!”. Any reasonable person would run in that situation. It’s the fight or flight mechanism we are all imprinted with.

        2. robc

          you lead police

          As you pointed out, they never identified. Thus he wasnt leading police, he was leading random street thugs. Therefore, the tackle becomes unjustified. Its common sense.

        3. Zeb

          How is he supposed to know he is a violent crime suspect?

    4. John

      And it was totally justified, that is why it resulted in a $10 million payout.

      1. Dunphy (the real one)

        it’s a classic lawful but awful. and those freuqnetly get payouts. I would have recommended a payout. the guy’s sole crime is he ran from police and refused to stop. it’s even remotely possible he didn’t know he was running from police (doubtful, but possible)

        payouts are par for the course. no way that is going to go to civil trial.

        1. John

          You are either stupid or lying. Cities have good sovereign immunity protection. Cities and counties never pay for shit unless they are forced to. And they have insurance policies, which means it is the insurance companies doing the defending and paying. The insurance companies don’t run for office. And they never give away money.

          Payouts, especially ones that big, are anything but par for the course. Only really egregious cases result in this kind of a judgement.

          1. Dunphy (the real one)

            rubbish. it’s a loser civil case.

            the guy is in a coma

            juries would rule for him in a second based on sympathy. *I* would rule for him if I was on the civil trial. he deserves a payout

            1. John

              It is not a loser civil case because it would never make it past summary judgement, provided there is any basis to justify the cop’s action. It is so easy to keep these kinds of cases from a jury. It is only when a cop’s action is just completely without justification that they even get to a jury. The fact that t hey paid out means there was no possible legal way to defend what he did.

              And yes, a jury would be a prolem. Why? Because people hate cops these days. And why do they hate cops? Why do people like me, a veteran, someone who works in LE, who is a former prosecutor hate cops? Because of people like you Dunphy. Because of the current generation of cops like you who took what was and should be a noble profession and shit all over it because it is more fun to be a thug than it is to actually do your job.

              1. Dunphy (the real one)

                my record is near perfect. I have been cited for bravery, but NEVER excessive force. ever.

                you have no idea how good a cop I am but the nobility of my service is without question.

                the primary issue in the civil case is the fact that the cop never yelled out “police” during the chase

                that’s enough to give the jury reason to believe he didn’t properly identify himself.

                again, *I* would rule for the guy in a coma in a second

                1. John

                  I don’t care how great you are Dunphy, you sell yourself short and out when you defend this kind of shit.

                2. sarcasmic

                  my record is near perfect. I have been cited for bravery, but NEVER excessive force. ever.

                  I’m sure that the fine officer who put this guy into a coma could say the same thing.

                3. Andrew S.

                  Do you know what summary judgment is, Dunphy?

                  John is right. If there was truly justification, this never would’ve seen a jury, because it would have been thrown out by a judge before it even got started.

                  Insurance companies do not pay out $10 million because they think it’s the right thing to do.

              2. sarcasmic

                Because of the current generation of cops like you who took what was and should be a noble profession and shit all over it because it is more fun to be a thug than it is to actually do your job.

                Thing is that Dunphy will never understand that he has brought this hatred upon himself. He will never get it. We’re bigots. We don’t understand. We’ve been misled. It’s all us. We don’t hate cops because they shower us with contempt and casually commit acts that would land anyone else in prison. It’s not because they take great pleasure in inflicting pain upon people. It’s not because of them. It’s us. It’s all us.

                1. WTF

                  I don’t think dunphy is a troll, I think he just doesn’t get it. He is looking at things from inside the blue wall, and we are observing from the outside, and he just can’t see what everyone else sees since he is looking at it from a very different perspective.

                  1. Groovus Maximus

                    I don’t think dunphy is a troll, I think he just doesn’t get it.

                    I used to give dunphy the benefit of the doubt, particularly his is professed support for LEAP.

                    Then he claimed doctors were basically cops, and earned my undying hatred, as I have an extremely low opinion of police officers in general.

                  2. R C Dean

                    WTF, that is exactly my view of dunphy.

        2. FTA: Two witnesses said Harris seemed to be stopping and said, “I don’t have anything, I didn’t steal anything,” just before he was hit by Paul, who weighed about 270 pounds, about 100 pounds more than Harris.

          One deputy acknowledged on the witness stand that the deputies did not identify themselves to Harris before they started chasing him.

          Your entire narrative is a lie.

          1. John

            Having given LEO use of force training 100s of times in my life, I seem to have always forgotten the part about never identifying yourself and tackle anyone who runs from you even after they stop.

            I don’t know who trained Dunphy, but he needs some remedial training.

        3. robc

          it’s even remotely possible he didn’t know he was running from police

          Which makes the tackle invalid. Their failure to identify clearly poisons all future actions they make.

          Maybe he stopped because he finally realized they were cops? Which means that he never fled from cops, he stopped at instant of identification, which means there was no “adrenalin fueled chase”.

        4. it’s a classic lawful but awful. and those freuqnetly get payouts. I would have recommended a payout. the guy’s sole crime is he ran from police and refused to stop. it’s even remotely possible he didn’t know he was running from police (doubtful, but possible)

          I’ll do this one line at a time.

          it’s a classic lawful but awful. and those freuqnetly get payouts.

          “Lawful” never even gets to a civil jury as there is no longer any basis for the suit.

          I would have recommended a payout.

          Of course you would. Using taxpayer money to cover up departmental crimes is par for the course in your profession.

          the guy’s sole crime is he ran from police and refused to stop.

          Actually he ran from armed attackers that had not identified themselves, according to the other officer while under oath.

          it’s even remotely possible he didn’t know he was running from police (doubtful, but possible)

          Why would he expect them to have been officers? They professed to have never identified themselves and merely started after him from the scene of a violent crime. No reasonable person would have stuck around if put in his shoes until his pursuers identified themselves as police officers or he reached a safe place, which is likely what he thought he had reached when he was pack in a more public area.

          payouts are par for the course. no way that is going to go to civil trial.

          Municipalities pay out $10M all the time when their employees are in the right.

    5. You’re right. It was totally justified. That’s why the city paid $10M fucking dollars in the settlement.

      Please, please choose this hill to die on, dunphy. It exposes you for what you are.

      Next thing you know, you’ll be saying “fuck him” and “he deserved it” for what he did, just like when the cops murdered that guy for allegedly (although the police “version” is almost physically impossible) swinging the door open and pointing a gun at them.

      1. Dunphy (the real one)

        it was totally justified and in many cases the COUNTY (get your facts right) will pay out in lawful but awful circ’s/ par for the course.

        no way they are going to go to a civil trial with a sympathetic guy in a coma for running from police with no other crime.

        lawful but awful and the second I heard he was in a coma, it was a given that they’d pay out.

        as they should

        it’s a tragedy.

        1. no way they are going to go to a civil trial with a sympathetic guy in a coma for running from police with no other crime.

          That’s bullshit. There are sympathetic figures in all sorts of cases, but the judge instructs the jury on what they can decide on, and there’s no fucking way in hell a $10M settlement would ever be paid out by an innocent civil defendant. You’re out of your fucking mind.

          And you say the should have paid out. Why do you say that? If they’re innocent of wrongdoing why the hell should they pay somebody $10M? If anything, they could have used it as a “teachable moment” to explain to people why it’s never OK to run. But they didn’t do that, because they knew they were wrong and knew they’d get killed if it went to civil trial because they never investigated or charged the officer for his crimes.

          This is just another case where you live in your fantasy world where cops can do no wrong and all can be forgiven when the city pulls out the taxpayer-filled checkbook and strokes away the hard-earned money of citizens just to pay off the victims of your criminal coworkers.

          But I’m the troll and you’re “beloved dunphy, the sage of H&R”. Go fuck yourself.

          1. robc

            And you say the should have paid out. Why do you say that? If they’re innocent of wrongdoing why the hell should they pay somebody $10M?

            Not only that, as the money is taxpayer money, it should be defended ? outrance in cases of no wrongdoing.

    6. I try not to respond to trolls, but what the heck…

      So do I, but what the heck…(and I’ll let their words speak for themselves.

      he drew a gun on the cops and paid the price

      fuck him
      and
      this guy was a fucking moron begging to get shot
      and
      and he has nobody to blame but his stupid ass-dead self

      And he calls me a troll.

      1. Restoras

        Yeah, I try to give Dunphy some benefit of the doubt but that was just over-the-top. Fuck him and his pig buddies if they think their lives are more important than the Rights of Citizens.

        Here’s some free advice. Don’t want to put your life in danger? Don’t be a cop. Don’t want to respect the Rights of Citizens? Don’t be a cop. Want a nice, easy job that gurantees a pension? Be a gym teacher. Sure, you don’t get to be sadistic animal (or do you?) that gets to carry a gun but at least you’ll still get to leach off society while still not providing anything of value.

        1. SugarFree

          I try to give Dunphy some benefit of the doubt

          Sweet jacking Jeebus, why? He took on the nom de plume of a fellow cop-cunt that was first introduced to the board with an article about how if your insist on your silly old Constitutional rights when you interact with the stasi, expect to get shot or beaten. His handle alone says he’s not here to have an honest exchange of ideas. Would someone claiming to taken on “Lonewacko” or “Dick Hoste” as a tribute handle being taken serious, especially if they engaged in the same racist drivel as the both of them did?

          Some people want dunphy to be “real” in order to think there is some hope for cops, as if a lone cop-apologist claiming to be a libertarian excuses the daily insults police all over the country deliver to the right of self-ownership.

          dunphy has never been anything but a troll. Treating it like a human being arguing in good faith is a waste of everyone’s time.

          1. Restoras

            Point taken. Thanks for setting me straight, SF.

            I guess I’ve only tried to do that because my BiL is a cop, and a really nice guy as well. He’s the one you pray to God and the All the Hosts of Heaven shows up when you call. He has told me straight to never trust the cops that show up at your door.

          2. Groovus Maximus

            Dick Hoste. There’s a trip down memory lane. He makes Slappy look rational and Shriek a motherfucking genius.

      2. Andrew S.

        Fucking hell, why did I read that again? My blood pressure is high enough as it is.

    7. R C Dean

      when he stopped and was starting to put his hands up a tackle was EASILY justified

      So tackling somebody who has stopped and put their hands up is justified?

      Let me rephrase that:

      Its justified to assault a suspect who has surrendered and is giving no indication of further resistance?

      1. R C Dean

        When a jury decides that someone owes damages, that is based on the conclusion that what they did was not lawful, that some legal duty was violated.

        Its pretty binary. You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say “What the defendant did was perfectly legal, but we’re going to tag him for damages anyway.”

        1. Rasilio

          Actually in Dunphys defense this is often not true, especially in personal injury cases.

          A guy I went to High School with and his brother thought it would be a good idea to hop a barbed wire fence with danger and keep out signs all around it, climb a tower to some high tension transmission lines then try to have a race down the wires to the next tower. Everything went great till he hit a bare spot in the insulation and 50,000 volts arced through his body to the ground. He lived but just barely and lost an arm in the process.

          Even still given the circumstances he was able to successfully sue the electric company for about a million dollars just because the jury felt sorry for him.

          That said, as others above have stated in a case against a government entity it is entirely likely that a judge would have issued a summary judgement against the plaintiff and ended the case before it ever got to a jury.

          1. R C Dean

            Regardless of why the jury voted the way they did, they still (formally) reached a legal conclusion that the electric company acted unlawfully.

            You cannot hold somebody liable without first concluding that they breached a legal standard, that is, that they acted unlawfully.

            You cannot say that someone should be held liable even though their actions were entirely in accord with all applicable legal standards.

      2. Dunphy (the real one)

        when the person has led you on a long foot pursuit, the question is – is it necessary to deescalate to a soft technique or is a tackle still justified given the totality of the circs

        the tackle is justified.

        the officer does not have to stop and wait to see what the guy is going to do. he could start running again, he could reach for a weapon, etc./

        GIVEN that he is a violent crime suspect and GIVEN that he led them on along foot pursuit, a mere tackle IS entirely justified.

        in brief, yes it is justified. that’s what the prosecutors office said, because they, like me, look at it through the lens of reasonable not perfect force and case law

        try to put yourself in the ofc shoes. that’s what use of forc reviews do. you respond to a violent crime. a witness points out this guy as the suspect. you try to get him to stop but he leads you and your partner on a foot pursuit through downtown seattle. you have no idea if he is armed, but you know he has been pointed out as the doer in a violent bloody assault

        as you round the corner, you see he has stopped and is starting to raise his arms. can you tackle him?

        yes

        undeniably.

        you have to take the totality of circs into account.

        1. when the person has led you on a long foot pursuit, the question is – is it necessary to deescalate to a soft technique or is a tackle still justified given the totality of the circs

          2 blocks is now a long pursuit? And a cop testified that they did not identify themselves to the victim. And there was no corner that he rounded, and was never out of view of the officers, so he never had a chance to produce a weapon.

          Man, after your little vacation, you’er coming back strong in defending the indefensible. I applaud you for your consistence and will await you calling this man a piece of shit who got what he deserved in the near future.

        2. sarcasmic

          try to put yourself in the ofc shoes.

          Let’s see. I’m a sadistic animal who is always on the lookout for an opportunity to put the hurt on someone, and some little fucker ran away from me. Sure I’m twice his size and haven’t identified myself as a cop, so he has every reason to run, but I know that I can get away with anything. So yeah. I tackle the guy as hard as I can, making sure his face hits something hard with all my weight behind it. Fuck yeah! Almost killed the guy! High fives all around!

        3. WTF

          try to put yourself in the ofc shoes.

          Yeah, the guy is lucky(furtive movement! violent assualt suspect!)they didn’t just shoot him. I’m sure that would have been justified, too.

        4. R C Dean

          try to put yourself in the ofc shoes.

          Oh, I understand. Some shitbird made me run 2 blocks, so I am pissed off and going to put him on the ground, for real.

          you have to take the totality of circs into account.

          Once a suspect is no longer fleeing, has his arms up, and is offering no further resistance or flight, I’m not sure what other circumstances are relevant to the “use of force.”

        5. bostonaod

          is it necessary to deescalate to a soft technique or is a tackle still justified given the totality of the circs

          Put this another way, and the mentality behind your question is exposed as nothing more than “the second I can ‘justify’ using force in my sadist lizard brain, fuck all other options”.

          is it justified to deescalate to a soft technique or is a tackle still necessary given the totality of the circs

          You’ll never formulate the scenario this way because you look for excuses to employ violence, earning the contempt with which you are treated.

    8. the matt paul slam the guy into the wall incident was Totally justified.

      *barf*

  46. generic Brand

    Miss Alabama changes her number and cancels interviews as she fears her relationship with quarterback A.J. McCarron will be seen as a ‘celebrity status thing’

    She’s his beard, simple as that (NTTAWWT).

    1. Brett L

      Did you see the bikini shots? Holy shit. If she ever needs a non-celebrity boyfriend, I can probably find some time in my schedule.

      1. Groovus Maximus

        MEh. Seen much better…-) This, of course, also applies to all of sarc’s Daily FAIL links as well.

        1. Brett L

          Your girlfriend’s father reads H&R now? Or is this just training so we’ll know when you’ve been kidnapped and need someone to call the Embassy?

          Groovus: “That Megan Fox is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

          H&R: “Oh shit, somebody call the State Department. Who else do we know in UKR?”

          1. Groovus Maximus

            Don’t laugh. In a sincere (and probably vain) attempt to turn folks here on to liberty and freedom-y ideals, I have linked to H&R articles and tried to do some changing of hearts and minds.

            Some of the other expats happen to like both Ron Bailey and Jacob Sullum. Welch, because of his writings on FATCA is also well regarded. Gillespie, unfortunately, is viewed as “a self-serving douche” (direct quite).

          2. Groovus Maximus

            And for the record, I will eat a bullet before I use the words “Megan Fox” and “hot” in the same proximity when describing feminine aesthetics.

            1. Brett L

              That’s why its the perfect signal. Like my friend who owns a craft beer bar. His I’ve-been-kidnapped-send-help signal is drinking Bud Light Lime.

            2. sarcasmic

              There is something wrong with you.

              http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs…..g-row.html

      2. Restoras

        Her legs are too chunky. Not going to age well.

    2. John

      Some QB at another SEC school asked her out on Twitter. That is fucking awesome.

      Not to disparage the power of love or anything. But in about five years, McCarron will be a former NFL practice squad quarterback either selling insurance or doing sports radio in Birmingham. I can’t see someone that high end settling for that as a husband.

      1. Brett L

        Yes, but he’s doing the Christian Ponder. If you’ve only got 2-3 good years, use them to lock down some high end tail.

        1. John

          He hasn’t locked her down yet. I hope he is having fun. And I don’t begrudge him. But he won’t keep her.

          1. Brett L

            He’ll get a multi-million dollar contract next year (unless he shatters a leg). Propose the day after. Sell insurance or cars two years later.

            1. John

              I don’t see him being drafted that high. No way will he be a first round draftpick or even a first day draft pick. Too limp armed, too small for the pros.

              1. KDN

                I don’t see him being drafted that high. No way will he be a first round draftpick or even a first day draft pick. Too limp armed, too small for the pros.

                Too small? He’s 6’3. I think he’s got backup QB written all over him, but he’s got prototype height and great accuracy. Best case scenario is Chad Pennington without the injuries, and that could sneak into the first round in a weak class.

                1. John

                  He is not coming out this year. He still has two more years of eligibility. And I could see him as a homeless man’s Chad Pennington.

                  1. KDN

                    Next year, just finished his junior season. The 2014 class is pretty brutal IMO, just like this one. All of the talent coming out of college is on the lines recently. I’m not sure what that entails for the future of the NFL, but I think Goodell’s gonna have to perform some even more drastic rule changes to keep the Juiced Passing Era intact.

                    1. John

                      It goes in cycles. Assuming Shanahan didn’t destroy RG III, last year’s draft had three legitimate star quarterbacks, Luck RGII, and Wilson, and tow others who will probably be decent, Tannyhill and Weeden. There rarely is more than ten good quarterbacks at any one time anyway.

      2. Matt Flynn got a nice contract out of his 15 minutes of fame.

        (And he’s got or had a beauty queen girlfriend too.)

        1. John

          His fame was in the NFL. And he will probably be cut or traded this off season.

          1. He won a national championship with tLSU and had his beauty-queen girlfriend when the Packers drafted him.

      3. robc

        Some QB at another SEC school asked her out on Twitter.

        dwags being dwags.

    3. Mike M.

      After all of America got a good look at her on Monday, she probably has more fame and fortune in her future than he does. I don’t think she has a whole lot to worry about.

      1. R C Dean

        Yeah, I’m not sure after Monday which of them is the bigger celebrity.

        1. NeonCat

          Just as Taylor Swift should send a Christmas gift to Kanye West every year, so too should Ms. Katherine send one to Brent Musburger.

  47. Brett L

    No way this will be used as a drinking game by college students.

    In an online video, Dand demonstrates how the cubes change as they respond to the amount of alcohol a person consumes. An accelerometer keeps track of how often the glass is raised to someone’s lips; a timer helps estimate how intoxicated the person is. The LED inside each cube will light up in green, yellow or red. Green signals a first drink; yellow is a warning that your alcohol level is getting high. Red is a warning to stop drinking – you’ve probably had too much. Dand housed the electronics in waterproof cubes.

    1. robc

      I do think its a neat idea, but I wouldnt want to drop the thing in my beers. Its fine for drinking on the rocks.

      And how does it know the alcohol level of the drinks?

      Re: the drinking game. That was the rational for not allowing cheap BAC reading devices at one time.

      1. NeonCat

        Not to mention sips versus gulps, etc.

  48. robc

    Were the men “convicting” fat women more often or letting thin women off more often?

    The difference would be the same either way, but the latter is less disturbing than the former.

    Better 10 thin guilty women go free than 1 fat innocent women go to jail.

    1. Drax the Destroyer

      Casey. Anthony.

      Uh…any other examples?

      1. invisible furry hand

        Lizzie Borden?

      2. Brett L

        Amanda Knox?

  49. The Late P Brooks

    Well, they just paid out another excessive force claim for an officer smashing someone’s face into the ground for recording them.

    Obviously, it was the civilian’s own damn fault for escalating the situation and being insufficiently subservient.

  50. The Late P Brooks

    I am glad the guy in the coma will be getting a nice settlement because it’s the right thing to do.

    How generous of you, shoveling out your employers’ money like that.

  51. Brett L

    Dear Warty,

    I’m not sure Norv Turner’s explosive brand of offense is what your Browns need.

    1. John

      Norv is a hell of an OC. He is just a terrible head coach. I think with a big armed quarterback and a pounding runner, which Cleveland has, Norv will do alright.

      1. Forget it, John. It’s Cleveland.

    2. Explosive in the way that projectile vomiting or explosive diarrhea are explosive.

    3. Warty

      Chudzinski. I am not impressed.

  52. geneparmesano

    How many police officers actually catch the person they are chasing? A cop is loaded down with gear and is often not exactly the thinnest person.

    1. John

      That is why they have dogs and radios. The typical flatfoot isn’t going to chase and tackle anyone.

      1. I thought the dogs were for target practice.

  53. The Late P Brooks

    just like when the cops murdered that guy for allegedly (although the police “version” is almost physically impossible) swinging the door open and pointing a gun at them.

    Just like the Kern County sheriffs murdered Deacon Turner over what what should have been a ten fucking second interaction. But HE was the one who “escalated” the situation.

  54. Tim

    I think on Afghanistan that we should take a lesson from history and divide into North Afghanistan and South Afghanistan. We withdraw from the north and use the puppet south as a base to rain missles on them.

    1. Tim

      it’s what Nixon would do.

  55. Kaptious Kristen

    Yesterday’s Public Diplomacy shenanigans were OK, except for the very first session in the morning, which was a panel of former USIA employees who are now all in academia and “art” (whatever the fuck that means). Anyways, we had to listen to these old farts (who were all sworn in in the early 1960’s) drone on and on about the good ol’ days of the Cold War when they had unlimited PD budgets and could control the flow of info because they didn’t have that pesky internet thing. And there were quotes from David Brooks and Thomas “Chinaman” Friedman.

    I was nearly ready to voluntarily commit myself to St. Elizabeth’s, but the rest of the day was just looking at case studies & stuff, which isn’t so bad.

    1. invisible furry hand

      Yes yes, all very interesting, but which of our great suggestions did you take to help you cope?

      1. Groovus Maximus

        I have a feeling Mr. Kaptious Squeeze helped her clear this emotionally draining hurdle. He probably did her laundry, too.

      2. Kaptious Kristen

        I did have a bona fide coughing fit, which got me out of about 5 minutes of the thing, but my boss was sitting right next to me so I was pretty much shit out of luck.

        Jinnantonix helped me unwind at the end of the day, though. Although my friend informed me she would be moving to (brace yourselves) Ottawa with her hub around Septemberish. Now even more reason to hate Canananananda! 🙁

        1. Groovus Maximus

          If you are were still infectious, take comfort in the possibility that Boss Man may come down with whatever cooties you were coughing.

          1. I like your individual, bio-warfare angle there, doc!

    2. John

      What is amazing about the PD folks is how stupid and uninformed they often are about the places they are alleged to be “experts”. Basically these people go around and talk to their peers in various countries and don’t talk to anyone beyond that except for maybe having the occasional ten minute conversation with their driver or interpreter and then think they know what is going on in a country.

      1. invisible furry hand

        stop othering PD folks!

    3. Groovus Maximus

      I feel guilty, Kaptious One. I should have faxed a “Get-Out-Of-PD” note to your superiors for you.

      That gave me cancer just reading your description of that to-do.

  56. The Late P Brooks

    Its justified to assault a suspect who has surrendered and is giving no indication of further resistance?

    But that perp made him RUN. That sort of behavior calls for swift vengeance. Teach that motherfucker (and all observers) who the alpha male baboon is.

  57. SugarFree

    Epic Piece of Shit

    Bring back prohibition! Tee-hee! Aren’t I clever?

    There are so many reasons to fantasize about a ban on alcohol that it’s hard to know where to begin. How about all that spittle? Being of a certain height, I am in the direct firing line of the boozy sprays that issue forth in a downward arc from the braying mouths of drunks. And if champagne is being consumed, then brace yourself for blasts of sulfurous halitosis: Yes, I’m talking about that strange smell which recalls baby vomit. (Karl Lagerfeld began carrying his fan for the sole purpose of deflecting this unfortunate odor.)

    Whether knocking back champers or gin, people who drink too much invariably become a burden on the rest of us. When my booze-loving grandpa kicked the bucket he died with “insufficient funds.” Who would cough up the dough for his interment? My mum solved the problem by borrowing the money from the local pub, the very same pub into which gramps had pissed all his shekels. It’s always so heartwarming to see everything in life come full circle. Bottoms up and RIP.

    1. John

      Full disclosure: I have been sober since 1985. Proud though I am of my longstanding abstinence, I am also fully committed to FUN. A sober life affords more chuckles than its opposite. The world becomes a much more surreal and intriguing place when you encounter it without the fuzzying effects of cr?me de menthe or Kahlua.

      Because I was a degenerate piece of shit who used alcohol as an excuse to be such, everyone else should have to suffer with me.

      1. The world becomes a much more surreal and intriguing place when you encounter it without the fuzzying effects of cr?me de menthe or Kahlua.

        Citation needed.

        1. John

          I generally avoid drinking to excess because my metabolism just won’t take those kinds of calories anymore without making me fat. And I have to tell you, the world is a much less interesting place for it.

          Hitchens got a lot of things wrong. But he got it dead right when he said alcohol makes boring people interesting.

          1. Tim

            I don’t know. I’ve drunk a lot but I’m just as boring as ever.

            1. John

              He didn’t mean it makes you interesting. He meant that it made other boring people seem interesting to you.

              1. Tim

                But you don’t interest me at all…

                1. John

                  You are just not drinking enough Tim.

        2. EDG reppin' LBC

          As a committed enthusiast of bourbon and vodka (and all things alcohol), I call bullshit. I can attest that New Years Eve in Las Vegas was much more surreal and intriguing because we were knock down loaded.

          1. sarcasmic

            I was on Freemont Street when 1999 turned 2000. That was one heck of a party.

    2. Brett L

      Ah, self-hating dry-drunk mick. So much better moralizing to us from his high chair than expounding on a bar stool somewhere.

      1. SugarFree

        The real irony is that is he gets his way, no guy will be drunk enough to bum him behind a dumpster at 4am. Prohibition will lead to celibacy for the tee-totaling lepre-queen.

    3. How about all that spittle?

      Are other people really getting spit on a lot by drunks? I’m pretty sure I’ve had drinks spilled on me more often than I’ve been subjected to anything I’d call “boozy sprays that issue forth in a downward arc from the braying mouths of drunks,” and I’m pretty short.

    4. Kaptious Kristen

      Dog knows I hate drunks, but this almost makes me hate ex-drunks more.

      My dog training mentor is an ex-drunk and thankfully he’s not one of those moralizing assholes that thinks because he can’t control his usage nobody else should be able to use.

  58. Mike M.

    The global warming Chicken Littles naturally are going to go batshit over the little heat wave hitting the east this weekend. But needless to say, they will completely ignore the cold snap and blizzards going on all over the west.

    1. Tim

      People have been complaining about the weather since day 1. This is just a variation on a theme.

    2. VG Zaytsev

      It’s been in the high 30s-low 40s in LA this week.

      Where the fuck is global warming when you need it.

    3. mr simple

      But Global Warming makes it both hotter and colder than average! Also more and less hurricanes. Duh.

    4. Zeb

      It’s called a January thaw and it is common enough to have a name. Not unusual.

  59. Flemur

    “A study finds male jurors are more likely to convict fat women, especially if the men are thin.

    The most important issue is completely missing: who was the most correct is ascertaining guilt? Perhaps fat women are more likely to be criminals than are thin women, but not the same effect for men. Do you know otherwise?

    1. Flemur

      “…IN ascertaining…”

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