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Politics

Morsi Flees, Obama Thinks There Have Been Budget Cuts, Prison Torture Administered Via Condiments: P.M. Links

Scott Shackford | 12.4.2012 4:30 PM

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  • Egypt President Mohammad Morsi has reportedly fled his palace as protestors continue to object to his seizure of power and fear that the country's new constitution would give too much power to Islamists.

  • President Barack Obama is insistent there will be no deal to avoid the fiscal cliff without raising taxes on the rich. He also claims that the government has already made "tough cuts," which will come as news to anybody who is actually paying attention.
  • Police want Congress to pass a law to require phone companies to store private text messages for two years in order to help investigations.
  • A North Carolina prison warden has been suspended over allegations that inmates were forced to rub hot sauce on their genitals. He was suspended with pay, of course.
  • Iran claims it has captured a U.S. intelligence drone in its air space. The United States denies having lost any drones.
  • A television station in Turkey has been fined over an episode of The Simpsons a regulatory agency considers blasphemous. Nobody tell them about South Park.
  • Support Reason's 2012 webathon today.

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NEXT: Downtown Memphis: Slum and Blight?

Scott Shackford is a policy research editor at Reason Foundation.

Politics
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  1. Fist of Etiquette   13 years ago

    Egypt President Mohammad Morsi has reportedly fled his palace...

    Those guys have to hate Obama for his cult of personality.

    1. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

      your oppression of being first will not stand

      1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

        You don't have to call him first. Just call him fist.

        1. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

          Just don't call him maybe.

          1. Fist of Etiquette   13 years ago

            Without me general Brand is first. Do any of us really want that?

            1. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

              As long as it isn't someone saying "First!" (or mentioning it in a reply to themselves), I don't care.

              1. Almanian.   13 years ago

                First!

          2. Schempf   13 years ago

            Call him anything just not late for breakfast

  2. generic Brand   13 years ago

    A North Carolina prison warden has been suspended over allegations that inmates were forced to rub hot sauce on their genitals

    They really should have been dry-rubbing the genitals.

    1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

      But then you'll have dry balls. Who want's that?

      1. $park?   13 years ago

        Would the alternative be ... Shweddy Balls?

        1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

          I was thinking of a comedy routine I once saw. Tried a utube search for it but way too many results on any combination of words combined balls to make it worth looking for.

      2. generic Brand   13 years ago

        Just creating a thick crust around the balls so that insides remain tender and succulent.

        1. R C Dean   13 years ago

          Personally, I think brining is the key to tender, succulent meat.

        2. Bobarian   13 years ago

          It was Carolina, so no dry rubs, but they do put mustard and vinegar in their sauces.

          1. Killazontherun   13 years ago

            South Carolina are the mustard philes.
            Dry rubs are fine and used on whole broils before broken down and sauced.

            1. Killazontherun   13 years ago

              When I was a kid, this play use to be awesome, but now it is total shit.

              BBQ Jew's View: Short Sugar's Pit Bar-B-Q

              http://bbqjew.com/2009/02/21/shortsugars

    2. Certified Public Asskicker   13 years ago

      Question for the crowd, is a burning sensation enjoyable?

      I ask not in reference to hot sauce, but those "fire and ice" products. Having tried them, I am not sure why I want my wang to be feeling some extra heat during intercourse.

      1. Mad Scientist   13 years ago

        I can't speak for the hot sauce, but I definitely recommend having your girl suck on a Mentos mint before she goes down on you.

        1. Certified Public Asskicker   13 years ago

          But isn't that a nice cooling sensation? Maybe I used too much fire and not enough ice...

          1. Mad Scientist   13 years ago

            It's not cooling so much as tingling.

            1. fish   13 years ago

              And of course fresh fresh breath!

              Mentos: the freshmaker

      2. Coeus   13 years ago

        The warming is really for solo fun. But almost everyone loves the tingle.

      3. mad libertarian guy   13 years ago

        Warming is fucking great, but there is a point of diminishing returns.

  3. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

    Study room? NO! Puppy Room

    1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

      Genius idea, but what about us poor souls with allergies?

      To the Free Market! Hypoallergenic puppy room and a competing hamster room!

    2. Warty   13 years ago

      PUPPIES!!!!

      Goddammit, I need a puppy. And then I need to train that puppy to track and eviscerate my enemies as it grows into a slavering hatehound.

      1. R C Dean   13 years ago

        I have a spare. An 11 year-old pit bull (rescued from an actual crack house!), but she is convinced she is, in fact, still a puppy. Easily capable of taking down a man, plus she's black, which is handy for sneaking up on your enemies at night.

        1. Warty   13 years ago

          RACIST

          1. R C Dean   13 years ago

            Is that a yes or a no?

            1. Warty   13 years ago

              Yes, as long as the dog is a racist.

              1. R C Dean   13 years ago

                Probably not. I'll ask, but I'm pretty sure she would dismember any trespasser, regardless of race, creed, color, age, gender, or religious affiliation.

                1. Almanian.   13 years ago

                  I have 5 dogs, Warty can have none of them.

                  1. R C Dean   13 years ago

                    Almanian, I'm thinking my crack dog will take one look at Warty and . . . no more Warty. Work with me, here.

                    1. Warty   13 years ago

                      WAIT JUST A MINUTE HERE! IT WAS ALL A MURDER PLOT THE WHOLE TIME??? NO PUPPIES?!?!?!?!?!

    3. $park?   13 years ago

      I could see how kicking around a room full of puppies would relieve stress.

    4. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

      Stress therapy? Do you like throw them at a wall or something?

      1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

        Lost to $ by a puppy nose

  4. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

    Giant tower of Lego.

    1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

      Well, I need something to do in my free time. Challenge accepted, pending grant money.

    2. Pro Libertate   13 years ago

      I submitted this to Mythbusters, though I imagine I wasn't the first to do so.

      We have a theory. Now it's time for the test.

      Could Kevlar Legos be the material we've been looking for to construct a space elevator?

      1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

        Actually, that might just work. We'd need a good adhesive agent.

        We could see an architectural revolution with construction-grade LEGOs if we get creative.

    3. generic Brand   13 years ago

      In what universe would anyone stack 375,000 lego bricks on top of each other? Even at a young age I knew that you have to have a support base and can't just build Skinny Tower?.

  5. Clich? Bandit   13 years ago

    I saw Banjos posted earlier today. Wanted to say congrats. Also, Reason Sofia...NICE!

    1. R C Dean   13 years ago

      Missed that. Woot!

      Sofia means "wisdom", which is a nice pairing with Reason.

      1. nicole   13 years ago

        Finally, some appreciation of my choice!

      2. $park?   13 years ago

        And with parents like sloopy and Banjos, I dare say she's likely to have neither.

        /Zing

      3. Pro Libertate   13 years ago

        Philos Sophia.

        Congratulations, guys! Kids are a lot of work and can be frustrating, but they're worth it.

  6. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

    Have you planned your End of the World party yet?

    1. Clich? Bandit   13 years ago

      yup, going to a friends...and it is a WET party (World ends tomorrow).

      1. db   13 years ago

        Whean's that supposed to happen, again?

        1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

          http://cheezburger.com/6819114496

          Soon.

  7. Fist of Etiquette   13 years ago

    A North Carolina prison warden has been suspended over allegations that inmates were forced to rub hot sauce on their genitals.

    Prison rape deterrent?

    1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

      Not if there's blue cheese dip

      1. Apatheist ?_??   13 years ago

        racist?

      2. JW   13 years ago

        So, where does the celery go?

        1. Warty   13 years ago

          Now we play hide the spice bottle!

        2. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

          In the salad you'll be eating.

          1. Bobarian   13 years ago

            I believe the correct term is 'tossing'!

            1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

              I'm pretty thankful that I don't know the correct terminology.

  8. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

    "A North Carolina prison warden has been suspended over allegations that inmates were forced to rub hot sauce on their genitals. He was suspended with pay, of course."

    Sloopy will begin provoking Dunphy in 3, 2, 1, ...

  9. db   13 years ago

    The Pain from Spain falls mainly in Ukraine.

    Just wow. $1.1 billion dollar deal was faked by a Spanish fraudster, leaving Ukraine still dependent on Gazprom. You can't tell me Russia didn't engineer this.

  10. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

    Man visits 201 countries without a plane. Somehow United still lost his luggage.

  11. Fist of Etiquette   13 years ago

    Iran claims it has captured a U.S. intelligence drone in its air space.

    Engage, Maverickbot! Engage! They have Robogoose!

  12. HazelMeade   13 years ago

    Egypt President Mohammad Morsi has reportedly fled his palace as protestors continue to object to his seizure of power and fear that the country's new constitution would give too much power to Islamists

    And Egypt plunges into civil war.

  13. $park?   13 years ago

    If you still believe that Ke$ha is pure filth, look upon your future and despair.

    Her life is so ludicrous that it's difficult to believe MTV isn't scripting it out for her. Last week, after failing two drug tests, she was arrested by her probation officer. It seemed certain that she would miss seeing her idol, Ke$ha, in concert, even though she had second-row seats and feather extensions in her hair.

    But even though her mom refused to bail her out (attagirl, Barbara!), Jenelle somehow persuades her beatdown bestie Tori to sign for her bond ($10,000!) so she doesn't even have to stay the night in jail.

    1. Certified Public Asskicker   13 years ago

      I am so glad I convinced my wife to stop watching.

      1. $park?   13 years ago

        I wish I could get my wife to but she's immune to shame.

        1. Certified Public Asskicker   13 years ago

          I'll admit that I was entertained by an episode or two, but after awhile the same bullshit was too much.

    2. NeonCat   13 years ago

      That was on The Soup, the young woman talking about how Ke$ha is her idol, nay, guru (not her term, but she did say it was like a religious thing for her).

      Please see also the Not Always Right about the pregnant lesbian teenager (tl;dr - a young woman and her boyfriend decided she was a lesbian because her mother said she wished she was a lesbian so she wouldn't get pregnant, so since she is a lesbian she cannot possibly be pregnant even if she has been having sex with her boyfriend.)

      Will we reach Peak Despair?

      1. generic Brand   13 years ago

        Will we reach Peak Despair?

        That depends on whether you have enough whiskey.

    3. Gene   13 years ago

      I'm just glad I don't know who the fuck she is and plan to keep it that way.

    4. Ted S.   13 years ago

      People give a shit about Kedollarsignha?

  14. Fist of Etiquette   13 years ago

    Police want Congress to pass a law to require phone companies to store private text messages for two years in order to help investigations.

    Screw you, cold case units. You can solve those moldy old crimes the old fashioned way: by making up evidence.

    1. R C Dean   13 years ago

      Now there's a worthy project for Anonymous: hack the phone company servers and delete all the archives.

      For FREEDOM!

  15. Tim   13 years ago

    Which episode of the Simpsons does this refer to?

    1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

      The devil has God make him a cup of coffee or something. Not that it would take much.

      1. Tim   13 years ago

        Lyle Lanely: I've sold monorails to Istanbul, Ankara, and North Haverbrook, and by gum I've put them on the map!

  16. Death Rock and Skull   13 years ago

    Hotsauce on genitals? Is this a women's prison? Because it wouldn't even cause a slight perk on my dick. That "warming sensation" stuff is a scam, too.

    1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

      well if you would stay off youporn for a couple a weeks you might get some of that sensitivity back.

      1. Death Rock and Skull   13 years ago

        RedTube has a better Amateur section.

        1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

          Cool. See ya later than.

    2. mad libertarian guy   13 years ago

      I know a guy who, upon taking a $10 bet, dipped a q-tip in a hot sauce called "The Hottest Hot Sauce in the World", and swirl it around his butt hole.

      The pain was very obviously excruciating.

      The LULZ will last a lifetime.

  17. AuH2O   13 years ago

    A feminist group has made fake Victoria Secret "consent" underwear to counter "rape culture". Jez has been furiously fapping to them all day

    Will Victoria's Secret take a nod from the customer fan mail and change their styles?" FORCE asks. (We're going to go with an emphatic "No." ) "But what a different world would it be if they did? What if consent and communication showed up in the bedroom as much as push-up bras and seamless thongs?"

    We're not expecting VS to start actively combatting rape culture ? at this point, we're just hopeful that they won't send a almost-naked model down the runway wearing a sacred war bonnet during tonight's fashion show. But can FORCE please turn their consent lingerie line into reality? We want more nontraditional models with "Let's Talk About Sex" on their butts to combat all of those "Sure Thing" thongs out there.

    1. Coeus   13 years ago

      Isn't a "Sure Thing" thong enthusiastic consent? They should love those.

      1. A Serious Man   13 years ago

        Where would you be able to write that message on a thong?

        1. Bobarian   13 years ago

          Most of the girls who write for Jezebel could probably write out their entire manifesto on their giant bedsheet sized panties.

    2. Death Rock and Skull   13 years ago

      I happen to be a panties aficionado, and Victoria's Secret already places phrases on the ass of underwear, such as "In Your Dreams", basically informing observers that they aren't going to get none.

      1. Apatheist ?_??   13 years ago

        Yes I've seen the ones that say "hands off!" Of course I put my hands on anyways, cuz rape culture.

        1. TotalState?   13 years ago

          "rape culture"

          Cultural relativism approves.

        2. Art Vandelay   13 years ago

          Do you stun them first with your MALE GAZE?

          1. mr lizard   13 years ago

            Blue steel?

      2. TotalState?   13 years ago

        ""In Your Dreams", basically informing observers that they aren't going to get none."

        It means something entirely different if my dream is poking her ass.

      3. Xenocles   13 years ago

        I am confused as to when a message like "In your dreams" is appropriate for panties. If you're in a situation where you could see the message, it's probably not intended for you - you're either on your way to having consensual sex with her or she doesn't want you to see her underwear at all, let alone any messages on it.

    3. Mad Scientist   13 years ago

      So basically they believe that women get raped because they're not wearing warning labels?

      1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

        Well, yeah! The government needs to mandate labeling of women so the public is informed about their contents.

        1. Mad Scientist   13 years ago

          Like this?

          1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

            Now that's funny! Send it to Jezebel to see how they react.

        2. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

          Maybe I sould give out "Please Fuck Me" necklaces for women to put on before we even get started.

    4. nicole   13 years ago

      Someone said it in the first post, but I think it gets to the heart of the matter and bears repeating. These aren't (or wouldn't be, rather) to remind dudes that they need to ask for consent when they see your undies. In my experience, guys never look too closely at the wrapping anyway.

      Fuck. this. bitch. Get better wrapping.

      But it reminds women that, even in the bedroom, even once you're down to your underwear, consent is Still a Thing and must be considered. That you have the right to change your mind, or go only so far, or whatever. That consent and sexiness are not mutually incompatible, and that consent is not just a high-minded feminist concept, it's a real thing with real applications that need to be applied in real situations.

      You know what? She's right. It's not just a high-minded feminist concept. Oh wait, she's only talking about in the context of sex, isn't she?

      1. AuH2O   13 years ago

        nicole, what other kind is there? Consent to be taxed a shit ton?

        HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

        Who says women aren't funny?

        1. nicole   13 years ago

          It's like, holy christ, you are right about rape culture, you are just so, so wrong about rape culture.

    5. Thane of Whiterun   13 years ago

      "which featured some certifiable babes"

      The woman on the page is a "certifiable babe"?

      Yeah, uh, no.

      1. nicole   13 years ago

        Yeah I liked that part too.

    6. Dr. Frankenstein   13 years ago

      Knew one girl in college who's underwear said stop in the light. When you turned off the lights it said go.

      1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

        I wonder if whoever gave her those told her that's what would happen 'cause that would be an awesome gift.

  18. Coeus   13 years ago

    Tha fuck?

    This week, Judge Kessler rejected those arguments. And so, every tobacco-paid ad will begin by saying that a federal court found that the companies "deliberately deceived the American public." The statements go on to cover the dangers of smoking, the addictive nature of nicotine, the equally dangerous effects of low-tar and light cigarettes, the companies' efforts to make cigarettes more addictive, and the harm caused by secondhand smoke. Some of the facts that will be included in the statements include:

    More people die every year from smoking than from murder, AIDS, suicide, drugs, car crashes, and alcohol, combined.

    Smoking causes heart disease, emphysema, acute myeloid leukemia, and cancer of the mouth, esophagus, larynx, lung, stomach, kidney, bladder, and pancreas.

    Defendant tobacco companies intentionally designed cigarettes to make them more addictive.

    Secondhand smoke kills over 3,000 Americans each year.

    Children exposed to secondhand smoke are at an increased risk for sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), acute respiratory infections, ear problems, severe asthma, and reduced lung function.

    Bolded for bullshittery.

    1. generic Brand   13 years ago

      People die from cancer. Maybe smoking can cause cancer (what doesn't, these days?), but there are plenty of stodgy, old curmudgeons that refuse to die despite smoking a pack a day for the last 35-40 years.

      I have asthma and I am 100% pro-smoking. Going to bars in Japan didn't bother me even close to as much as some of the scented lotions and perfumes girls at wear at the office here.

      1. Coeus   13 years ago

        The big problem with those is that, for years, the studies were either obviously error prone or didn't actually say what their proponents said they did. Faced with this, they started doing meta-studies, eliminating the ones who showed no link (or, even a few times, a negative one) with second hand smoke and illness. The meta-studies just added a layer of obfuscation over their already debunked source material.

        (also, they've now determined that smokers get a different type of lung cancer than non-smokers, including non-smokers who are around a lot of second hand smoke. Basically blows all the second-hand cancer bullshit out of the water.)

  19. Matrix   13 years ago

    Autozone fires employee 2 days after he foiled a robbery attempt at the store

    Autozone has that right, but I also have the right to tell them "Fuck you!" and take my business elsewhere.

    1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

      I'd say that's officially peak retard.

      1. AuH2O   13 years ago

        Clearly, you don't read the Jezebel and feministing links Sug and I provide you daily.

        1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

          1. Hell, no!

          2. I said peak retard. We've been at plateau insanity for years now.

  20. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

    no seriously this time.
    what's rape culture?

    1. Coeus   13 years ago

      Anything a feminist doesn't like. By linking stuff they don't like to a violent crime, they can justify government intervention.

    2. AuH2O   13 years ago

      From wiki:

      According to the rape culture theory, acts of sexism are commonly employed to validate and rationalize normative misogynistic practices. For instance, sexist jokes may be told to foster disrespect for women and an accompanying disregard for their well-being. An example would be a female rape victim being blamed for her being raped because of how she dressed or acted. In rape culture, sexualized violence towards women is regarded as a continuum in a society that regards women's bodies as sexually available by default.[23]

      1. Tim   13 years ago

        Hip hop?

      2. Episiarch   13 years ago

        All I know is ball...and good...and rape.

      3. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

        It has [brackets], so it must be true!

        1. Episiarch   13 years ago

          "See, you don't know what rape is like. For years, I thought it was funny. 'Oh, yeah. Rape's so funny.' Until you've been raped. You're about to find out what that's like, Hand Banana."

          1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

            You're STEVE SMITH! I should have known!

            1. Episiarch   13 years ago

              Meatwad: There's a Hand Banana. Good boy.

              Carl: Oh, he's not a boy anymore...he's a man. Because he just raped me!

              Hand Banana: Do you think you could back that up?

              Carl: Listen to this guy, "can you back that up"...I got bruises to prove it!

              Hand Banana: No, no. I mean that ass. Back it up...yeah.

              Carl: Do you hear what he's saying here?!?

              Hand Banana: Sounds like someone wants to be raped again!

      4. Warty   13 years ago

        sexualized violence towards women is regarded as a continuum in a society that regards women's bodies as sexually available by default.

        All of these words are words. It's amazing that words, each of which having at least meaning, can be assembled into a sentence that appears to mean nothing whatsoever.

        1. Episiarch   13 years ago

          Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.

          1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

            Most of the dialogue Rand wrote for the looters and moochers.

          2. nicole   13 years ago

            Nah, that sentence means something, it just means something really fucking stupid and wrong.

          3. Mickey Rat   13 years ago

            Somehow, i hear Al Gore's voice when reading that sentence.

            Also, is not that what Mad Libs is built around?

        2. JW   13 years ago

          women's bodies as sexually available by default.

          I don't know where this society is, but I swear, as Zod as my witness, I will find a way to get there.

          1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

            Let us know where it is please

          2. AuH2O   13 years ago

            "I believe there is another world waiting for us, Sixsmith, a better world. And I'll be waiting for you there."

  21. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

    Champions League: I am indifferent as very little mattered in the matches today.
    Did anyone see the fun mess at the Dinamo Zagreb match today? Sloppy field, sloppy play. Good thing the game was meaningless in the standings.

    1. Ted S.   13 years ago

      I hope the Russian Mafia Team (Chelsea) gets knocked out tomorrow.

  22. AuH2O   13 years ago

    Not as bad as Rachel Maddow (until they do Biden or Hilary Clinton, nothing will be as bad as that), but Your Imaginary Boyfriend Kayne West

    You smile and sigh in relief. There's no reason to be nervous really. Beyonce has invited you with her to bond. "Your boyfriend has been touring with my husband," she had said. "We'll be around each other a lot so there's no reason we shouldn't get along, too."

    You shake your head. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. You can't believe that Kanye West is officially your boyfriend. This was never what you had intended on happening that night that you first met -? that night you just happened to be visiting your friend who was bartending at Le Bain and suddenly you were asked over to Kanye West's table. You're not usually the nightclub type, you generally don't get worked up by celebrities, but this night, for some celestial reason, you decided to go with it. A few hours worth of bottle service later and you were agreeing to go with him back to his apartment because, oh, what a story it would make

    1. generic Brand   13 years ago

      Hahahaha as if Kanye West is tied down by a single woman, let alone a Jezzie. There's a reason he's been seen with Amber Rose (although I despise her bald/short hair look), Angela Martini, Kate Upton, and Kim Kardashian, and it ain't because they value feminism.

    2. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

      "Not as bad as Rachel Maddow (until they do Biden or Hilary Clinton, nothing will be as bad as that)"

      You forgot Santorum.

    3. fish   13 years ago

      All of these words are words. It's amazing that words, each of which having at least meaning, can be assembled into a sentence that appears to mean nothing whatsoever.

  23. Apatheist ?_??   13 years ago

    A Slate Dear Prudence comment discussion on male circumcision.

    Have fun!

    1. Warty   13 years ago

      A: All the things you say are true, and I'm Jewish, so a big believer in circumcision. I'm also wondering what the "physical pain in adolescence" caused by circumcision was. I'm guessing it had something to do with beating his member raw, which would surely have happened even if he'd had a foreskin. However, billions of men have not been circumcised and are fine. And plenty of circumcised men have the STDs you list. What's concerning is that your boyfriend asserts there's a conspiracy to snip. Surely he doesn't really think doctors are buying that vacation home on the proceeds of removing foreskins. This is one of those issues on which there's no compromise, so one of you has to bend. If you feel this impasse exposes part of his character that you find disturbing, then it's possible you need to reconsider marrying him. But maybe this is just one of those quirks married people have to accept in each other. I think you should suggest talking this over with a neutral party. It would be a shame to let such a little thing ruin a future that could be wonderful.

      That's some outstanding smug.

      1. AuH2O   13 years ago

        I think in things like circumcision, the father gets to decide. He has a penis, the mother doesn't, therefore his opinion matters more.

      2. Episiarch   13 years ago

        I heard that rabbis don't get paid, they just keep the tips.

        1. Warty   13 years ago

          Never buy crackling from a mohel.

        2. Tim   13 years ago

          YOU. KLINGON. BASTARD.

          1. Episiarch   13 years ago

            What are you, some kind of Space Jew?

            1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

              They're called the Ferengi.

        3. fish   13 years ago

          Wasn't the old joke something like this......

          After years of collecting the foreskins, the mohel took them all to a man who did fine leather work. Two weeks later he returned for the finished product only to be horribly disappointed to be presented with something approximately the size of a mans wallet. "You've cheated me you bastard! Why is it so small"? The reply.... Just rub it my friend and you have a fine suitcase!

          Rimshot!

      3. grrizzly   13 years ago

        I prefer to mock and ridicule circumcised men for having a part of the penis cut off.

      4. Newt Gingrich   13 years ago

        such a little thing

        What've you heard?

  24. AuH2O   13 years ago

    Vouge Editor Anna Wintour being considered as UK ambassador

    How dare you accuse this administration of corrupt behavior, you racists!

    1. NeonCat   13 years ago

      Haven't the Brits suffered enough?

      1. Episiarch   13 years ago

        NO.

    2. Joe M   13 years ago

      You mean this Anna Wintour?

      1. AuH2O   13 years ago

        "The word itself makes many men uncomfortable. Vagina."

        1. Anonymous Coward   13 years ago

          Damn straight it makes me uncomfortable. My pants get extra tight in the crotch all of a sudden. Then what's the point wearing loose jeans?

        2. BakedPenguin   13 years ago

          Except Julianne Moore was fairly attractive. In that pic, Wintour looks like Emo Phillips halfway through a sex change.

    3. Pro Libertate   13 years ago

      The Court of St. James's is supposed to be the plum assignment.

      Is there any way this administration is not a complete joke?

      1. Apatheist ?_??   13 years ago

        No it's completely normal and traditional:

        Wintour is a top Democratic fundraiser who helped raise millions of dollars for the Obama campaign in both 2008 and 2012 through hosting dinners and such initiatives as her Runway to Win line of designer campaign merch; ambassadorships are a traditional form of political patronage used to reward prominent donors.

        I'm sure they'd be saying the same thing if it was BOOOOOOOSH.

      2. NeonCat   13 years ago

        Have you looked at the bill? It isn't a damn bit funny.

      3. Sevo   13 years ago

        They got Joe Kennedy from FDR; they're used to being insulted.

    4. JW   13 years ago

      Vouge Editor Anna Wintour being considered as UK ambassador

      So, what you're saying is that by this time next year, we'll be at war with the UK?

      1. TotalState?   13 years ago

        We've always been at war with the UK.

      2. nicole   13 years ago

        Actually, she's a Brit, so it's not like...the worst choice they could have made...I guess...

        1. Newt Gingrich   13 years ago

          Dou you knouw houw hard it is tou find soumeoune whou speaks the language fluently?

          1. nicole   13 years ago

            True story: when my dad's family immigrated to the US from England, their neighbors complimented his mom on what good English they all spoke. Since they were immigrants and whatnot.

  25. NeonCat   13 years ago

    Does not the existence of both TEAMs require people to really not pay attention? Why should the President pay attention if the people won't?

    1. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

      Well, if you take the media definition of a "cut" being not spending as much as you originally wanted to, than he's not lying.

  26. Joe M   13 years ago

    President Barack Obama is insistent there will be no deal to avoid the fiscal cliff without raising taxes on the rich top earners.

    Let's not fall into the usual sloppy terminology that the rest of the press uses. The being whose taxes are set to increase aren't necessarily rich.

  27. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

    Do you think this qualifies me to seek political asylum elsewhere?

    Chomiak: Forcing workers to join unions provides project stability
    The practice of workers joining unions on large-scale public construction projects like the new Bipole III transmission line has more to do with fairness and sensible management than discrimination, Energy and Mines Minister Dave Chomiak said today.

  28. TotalState?   13 years ago

    "President Barack Obama is insistent there will be no deal to avoid the fiscal cliff without raising taxes on the rich."

    Someone needs to call him on this. Go ahead, raise their taxes. He'll get what he wants and plan to raise revenue will fail.

    1. TotalState?   13 years ago

      *HIS plan*

  29. A Serious Man   13 years ago

    Holy shit: Sportswriter Jen Engel with a pretty libertarian response to Whitlock and Costas on gun control.

    1. Episiarch   13 years ago

      Not bad. Of course, the question I've been asking the whole time is "who actually gives two fucks what Bob Costas thinks? Is there actually anyone who does?"

      1. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

        of course they care, because echo chamber

        1. Episiarch   13 years ago

          Nah, it's just masturbation. All this bullshit will completely disappear in a few days.

      2. Newt Gingrich   13 years ago

        Huffington Post gave all kinds of shits.

        http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....34732.html

    2. NoVAHockey   13 years ago

      never thought i'd see that in a sports page.

    3. Apatheist ?_??   13 years ago

      Michael Wilbon went on a whole spiel on PTI yesterday about how brave Costas was. *barf*

      1. Red Rocks Rockin   13 years ago

        Brave? 90% of the people Costas surrounds himself with professionally, if not personally, agree with him whole-heartedly. It doesn't show an ounce of courage to promote something that your fellow journalists will largely congratulate you for.

        Engel's the one with the actual set of balls here for going against the bullshit fucktardery of her professional class, although she loses points for stating that Whitlock's and Costas' position was well-reasoned and intelligent.

    4. Xenocles   13 years ago

      This whole time I'm just like "You think an NFL linebacker needs a gun to kill a woman?"

  30. TotalState?   13 years ago

    "Police want Congress to pass a law to require phone companies to store private text messages for two years in order to help investigations."

    Wouldn't this be a Takings issue? Will the phone companies be compensated for the data storage that the Feds would effectively be taking?

    1. R C Dean   13 years ago

      I'm curious about the 4th Amendment issue. Private parties generally can search/seize evidence without a warrant or probable cause, unless they are acting as agents of the government for purposes of evidence collection.

      If this law makes these companies agents of the government because they are gathering evidence on its behalf, would they need a warrant before they can store any of your messages?

  31. Mike M.   13 years ago

    So now that it's rather apparent that we're preparing to go to war in Syria to help the "rebels" topple Assad in spite of Russia's warnings, to me the most interesting question is: what's the real motive behind all of this? Exactly why does Block Insane Yomomma want to see the Muslim Brotherhood take over all of these countries?

    Is it just as simple as Saudi Arabia is paying him off to do their dirty work for them, or is something possibly even deeper and more sinister going on? Personally, I've never believed the stuff about him being a secret Muslim, but all this is enough to make me wonder a little.

    1. Drake   13 years ago

      What makes you think Obama has thought that far ahead. It's like asking a 3-year-old running around the house where he's going.

      1. Mike M.   13 years ago

        I'm not saying Obama himself is the top mastermind behind this all; frankly I agree with you that he doesn't seem smart enough to be.

        But SOMEONE is though. Someone within the last year or two made it clear to the big players in the Muslim Brotherhood that they had the green light to go ahead and take over these countries, and that they a big friend in a very high place on Pennsylvania Avenue.

        Boy, would I love to know exactly who that is, who the person really pulling all these strings behind the scenes is. I just wish we had a media that was intelligent enough to even ask these kinds of questions, much less try to find the answers.

        1. wareagle   13 years ago

          media intelligence is not the issue; media curiosity is another matter.

    2. GILMORE   13 years ago

      Is it just as simple as Saudi Arabia is paying him off to do their dirty work for them, or is something possibly even deeper and more sinister going on?

      Without delving deeply into the vast biblical prophecy/NWO-conspiracy as proposed by the Hagmann dude the other day...

      ...its essentially about neutering Iran, or at least preventing them from benefiting from an eventual change in the regional power structure. They felt we (US) screwed them over in facilitating the rise of Shiite political power in Iraq, and want to ensure this sort of thing is managed more directly in the future. The last thing they want is a regional uprising that ever threatens *them*.

      And as regards 'the muslim brotherhood'-boogeyman... it is often mentioned in terms as though they are something like an Arab Taliban who want to bring their countries backward by 600years. It is not quite that simple. Yes, they would want an 'islamic' government, but one needs to remember that Egyptians/Syrians et al are far more modern and westernized than you may imagine... yes, there will be islamists in positions of power in some of these places, but the assumption that they would overnight become the dominant cultural force in countries like Egypt or Libya or Syria is maybe a stretch.

      1. HazelMeade   13 years ago

        How did the rise of a Shiite political power in Iraq screw Iran over?

        I thought the CW was that Iran was the big regional beneficiary of the Iraq war and that the iraqi government was heavily iranian influenced (by way of Moqtada Sadr et. al.

        I admit I havn't followed the news from iraq lately, but that was the state of things when I left off.

        1. GILMORE   13 years ago

          HazelMeade| 12.4.12 @ 5:21PM |#

          How did the rise of a Shiite political power in Iraq screw Iran over?

          You missed what I was replying to =

          ""They [SAUDI ARABIA] felt we (US) screwed them over in facilitating the rise of Shiite political power in Iraq...""

          Your observation is correct. And Saudi Arabia was/are mildly irritated with us about it, but we're still BFF as long as we do whatever they say.

          And I think Mike M. goes a little far when he assumes that the various 'arab uprisings' are a unified/monolithic strategic change in favor of the "muslim brotherhood" and a single new type of poltical order. Most of these countries have had their own problems with their dictator-leaders for generations - but in different ways... I think the idea that any of these revolts represent a massive swing in favor of 'Extremist Jihadists' is a total misread. The islamist parties are the strongest - but by no means a a majority. Even today in Egypt as we see...

          http://twitchy.com/2012/12/04/.....ver-egypt/

      2. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

        but one needs to remember that Egyptians/Syrians et al are far more modern and westernized than you may imagine... yes,

        And Iranians in the 1950's were more modern and westernized than Egyptians and Syrians today...so what's your point?

        1. GILMORE   13 years ago

          Uhm, that The "muslim brotherhood" =/ the Ayatollah-meets-Taliban?

          And that neither Egyptians or Syrians would really put up with even a Saudi/Salafist-style of hardcore sharia law.

          1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

            And that neither Egyptians or Syrians would really put up with even a Saudi/Salafist-style of hardcore sharia law

            If that's true, why are a large percentage of Egyptians and Syrians fighting for exactly that?

            Besides, most Iranians don't want a hardcore Islamic state, but they don't have the guns and the Basij do.

            1. GILMORE   13 years ago

              I note that the larger percentage of Egyptians are currently chasing the 'islamist' nominal leader out of the country at the moment because he actually tried to bypass a more normal (in their mind) constitutional govt.

              Again - the islamists get power = but they end up having to lead from closer to what would be considered a 'center-right' govt because despite their recent successes, the majority of those countries are more 'moderate' than people understand

              1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

                I note that the larger percentage of Egyptians are currently chasing the 'islamist' nominal leader out of the country at the moment because he actually tried to bypass a more normal (in their mind) constitutional govt.

                I know, and that gives me hope.

                Again - the islamists get power = but they end up having to lead from closer to what would be considered a 'center-right' govt because despite their recent successes, the majority of those countries are more 'moderate' than people understand

                So? Then Egypt just becomes Malaysia/Indonesia, "moderate" in that they are not slaughtering their religious minorities and that they have quasi-secular law (apostasy is still a crime though!), but still a nexus of vicious Jew-hatred and post-Colonial grievance-mongering at Whitey.

                Still not enough to make me get on the "Yay, Arab Spring!" bandwagon, sorry.

      3. R C Dean   13 years ago

        one needs to remember that Egyptians/Syrians et al are far more modern and westernized than you may imagine

        Sounds like Afghanistan, 40 years ago.

        1. GILMORE   13 years ago

          Well, i suppose understanding regional political dynamics and culture *is* easier when you reduce everything down to =

          "Either they must have a totalitarian secularist stalinesque autocracy or they will descend into a fundamentalist theocracy of jihadist fanatics"

          Which is a fair summary of most Americans interest-level and understanding of the Middle East.

          Prior to 2003, most people had never even heard the word 'Shiite'. And if they did they'd think it was a cute British expression.

          1. MWG   13 years ago

            "Which is a fair summary of most Americans interest-level and understanding of the Middle East."

            Absolutely true. It's just lame such a view is so prevalent on a site called Reason...

            Drink.

    3. HazelMeade   13 years ago

      The anti government forces in Syria have nothing to do with the Muslim Brotherhood, which is a Sunni organization.

      To they extent they have any religious afilliation, they are more closely aligned with Iran, and are Shiite.
      Although they are actual more like a loose coalition of Shiites, Kurds, Christians, and other oppostion factions.

      1. Mike M.   13 years ago

        The anti government forces in Syria have nothing to do with the Muslim Brotherhood, which is a Sunni organization.

        To they extent they have any religious afilliation, they are more closely aligned with Iran, and are Shiite.

        I'm pretty sure that this isn't true. While Assad is a member of the Ba'ath Party, he is an Alawite (a branch of the Shiites) ruling over a country that is overwhelmingly Sunni, and Iran decided to ally with him a while ago.

        There is no way that Iran (at least not the government) is doing anything to push out Assad; quite the opposite in fact. They are doing everything they possibly can to help keep him in power.

      2. GILMORE   13 years ago

        HazelMeade| 12.4.12 @ 5:18PM |#

        The anti government forces in Syria have nothing to do with the Muslim Brotherhood, which is a Sunni organization.

        To they extent they have any religious afilliation, they are more closely aligned with Iran, and are Shiite.

        Uhm. Got that backward there Effendi

        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/S....._civil_war

        Sectarianism has been described as a characteristic feature of the Syrian civil war. The opposition is dominated by Sunni Muslims, whereas the leading government figures are Alawites.[1] The government has been reported to be supported by some of the country's Christians of various denomination,[2][3] though it is the Alawite sect that remains at the heart of the governments fight for its survival.[4]

        The rebels are primarily sunni, in opposition to the Alawite(shiite) leadership. Most of the 'jihadists' that the saudis have recruited to fight in Syria are also regional Sunnis - some connected with Brotherhood offshoots.

      3. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

        To they extent they have any religious afilliation, they are more closely aligned with Iran, and are Shiite.

        ]

        Lies.

        Everyday, the Free Syrian Army becomes more and more entagled with the Jabhat al-Nusra and the Ahrar al-Sham, both groups are classic bat-shit insane Sunni Salafists.

  32. A Serious Man   13 years ago

    Frankie Muinz of Malcolm in the Middle fame suffers mini-stroke.

  33. Death Rock and Skull   13 years ago

    How can they put Tobasco in the same picture with the other sauces? Tobasco has no flavor compared to the other ones. I would take any of the other ones, and they're all pretty much novice brands.

    1. Scott S.   13 years ago

      I don't think the warden was planning to suck their cocks afterward, though you never know.

      1. Spoonman.   13 years ago

        +1 Scott

  34. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

    He also claims that the government has already made "tough cuts,"

    Thank God we didn't elect that lyfull lying liar, Romney, who by the way, wants women to be chained down during pregnancy while being paid less than every man on the planet.

    1. Episiarch   13 years ago

      You forgot to include something about rape. That's the new theme; try and keep up, old boy.

      1. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

        How do you think she got pregnant while in chains?

        1. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

          Although, I do think I failed to mention how much he lied in the debates.

    2. Pro Libertate   13 years ago

      Here's where the media is extra useless, as the first question a student writing for a elementary school paper would ask is "What cuts are those, Mr. President?"

      1. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

        Uh, Pro Lib, do you have a degree in journalism? No, I don't think you do. Kindly hold your opinions until we have a law question.

        1. Pro Libertate   13 years ago

          Excellent.

          I'm going to get a patent on Kevlar Legos as used to construct a space elevator. I'm pretty sure the PTO will grant it.

  35. Coeus   13 years ago

    Math!!!

    A partnership from San Antonio has claimed the $32 million jackpot from the Lotto Texas drawing on Nov. 7, the Texas Lottery Commission announced Monday.
    Claiming the prize in Austin on Monday was the Rawson SEO Partnership, whose trustee is Richard W. Jones of San Antonio. No records about the partnership were immediately available Monday.
    The lone winning ticket was sold at the Thelma Food Store in the 24900 block of Pleasanton Road on the South Side. The partnership claimed the $24,686,336 cash value of the $32 million advertised jackpot.
    Lottery dirctor Gary Grief said "this partnership has the distinction of claiming the largest Lotto Texas prize awarded in over two years."

    1. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

      Too lazy to read, but basically skirting gift taxes/etc ?

      1. Coeus   13 years ago

        No, it's an SEO. Search Engine Optimization. Equations, man, equations. It's possible they won this thing with math.

  36. A Serious Man   13 years ago

    Physcists are bummed that the Standard Model has effectively been proven, leaving pretty much nothing else left to explore.

    1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

      Then start trying to break the Standard Model. Try changing the laws of physics. Do *something* interesting with that oversized peashooter.

    2. iggy   13 years ago

      First comment on the article: "Maybe this is as far as God wants us to see. Or maybe God is just made up to deal with the inevitable emptiness of death. Either one."

      As an atheist I always wonder, what makes other atheists such douchebags that they have to force smug comments about how smart they are not to believe in God into literally every article, regardless of relevancy?

      1. Mad Scientist   13 years ago

        The ones who do this are usually recently un-devout, and they feel a very strong urge to let everyone know it because they're self-conscious.

    3. Juice   13 years ago

      It all needs to go into engineering now. Figure out how to warp space on command. Get with the fusion power. Etc.

    4. fish   13 years ago

      Have they broken the news to Sheldon?

    5. Pro Libertate   13 years ago

      The best physics happens when there's a consensus that they're all finished.

  37. GILMORE   13 years ago

    the government has already made "tough cuts," which will come as news to anybody who is actually paying attention

    Remember = money they don't already tax is *money they're spending on you!*

    And government could have also seized control of many national industries other than Auto & Healthcare... They didn't! That was tough for them.

    As Charlie Rangel said = "We need to see how much we can get!" Do you know how hard it is for them to see *more* out there, and choose not to take it?? Their forebearance must be applauded.

    1. nicole   13 years ago

      Yeah, I just gave myself a headache in the car listening to NPR tell me that "the government spends hundreds of millions of dollars" on the tax exemption for employer-provided health insurance, which apparently NPR has now decided it's against, now that the ACA exists and it hardly fucking matters.

  38. AuH2O   13 years ago

    Follow Up to the Feminist who wrote about who should pay for dates and said she felt sorry for men who dated her

    But it sucks for women, too. And it sucks to be publicly berated no matter what we say. I think I took a pretty moderate path here ? I don't expect men to pay for me, but when they do I think it's very nice and I appreciate it ? and there's a comment section full of men and women saying that I'm militant and will be single forever because I turn men off. And frankly, that's part of the reason I bring up the "I'm a feminist writer" thing very early, either before or on a first date ? I don't want to spend time with men who are freaked out by that. It's a waste of both of our time.

    Damn character limit. Hey, Reason? Stop that shit.

    1. AuH2O   13 years ago

      Moar:

      When you're almost 30 and men are already slightly panicked because they assume you want marriage and babies (or, just as often, because they want marriage and babies and the clock is tickin'), the idea of dating a feminist is less appealing. Some men want to be equal partners in a relationship and a marriage; some men want to be equal partners in child-rearing and in mutually supportive careers. But the sad truth is that most actually don't. Even the liberal ones ? they'll support policy changes like equal pay, they'll read Gail Collins, they'll think Michelle Obama is awesome, they'll argue in favor of federal parental leave. But at the end of the day, in their own homes, they want a stay-at-home wife to do the vast majority of the work raising the kids, tending to the house and allowing the dude to focus all of his efforts on his personal success (insert usual caveat here about how SAHMs can be feminists, too, but I'll go ahead and say that men who want to marry women who stay home, or who expect that their wives will stay home, are not pro-feminist men or men who are seeking out egalitarian, feminist marriages).

      1. Episiarch   13 years ago

        So many words to say...nothing.

        What are you punishing yourself for? What did you do that was so horrible that you force yourself to read this bilge? Did you run over a kid like Jessica Lange in this year's American Horror Story?

        1. AuH2O   13 years ago

          Connect it with my comment about Ordinary People from last night, and I think you can see the depth of my self-loathing.

          1. Episiarch   13 years ago

            I only used to pass through New Canaan on the Merritt on my way to New Jersey and New York. So I guess I loathe you too.

            1. AuH2O   13 years ago

              Got it in one, kid.

              1. Episiarch   13 years ago

                Actually, truth be told, I lived in Stamford for a little while so I knew your town a bit. But that was a long time ago and I remember nothing any more. I blame the drugs and alcohol.

                1. AuH2O   13 years ago

                  The great thing for me is that my family lost most of its money in the financial crises and moved to Albuquerque.

                  ...

                  Did I say great? I meant shitty.

                  1. Episiarch   13 years ago

                    That's pretty shitty. I remember wincing when my grandfather went "I just lost a few hundred grand...I knew I should have sold that stock sooner". But that was the most damage he took, at least. He's very cautious.

      2. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

        Why is she suggesting that dividing up the responsibilities of earning money and raising kids with one person responsible for each (instead of each person responsible for half of each) is uneven? Why does she think taking care of a house and kids is so lowly?

        And how can it be fine for a women to want to stay at home, but not OK for a man to search for a women who wants that?

        1. Red Rocks Rockin   13 years ago

          Why does she think taking care of a house and kids is so lowly?

          Because it doesn't allow her to live like the Sex and The City sluts.

      3. JW   13 years ago

        So many little boxes of 2 dimensional stereotypes that she has to keep straight.

        I'm probably about an 8 or 9 out of 10 on the anti-feminist side. The wife-unit didn't change her last name, which I could give 2 shits about and I expect her to work to help pay for everything, none of which is cheap any longer.

        She wants to stay home.

      4. generic Brand   13 years ago

        But at the end of the day, in their own homes, they want a stay-at-home wife to do the vast majority of the work raising the kids, tending to the house and allowing the dude to focus all of his efforts on his personal success

        FUUUUUUUCCCKKK that. I would LOVE to be a stay at home dad and be able to homeschool my kids. (disclosure: I am nowhere near heading towards the point where I am married and ready for children, but I think it would be sick to not have to go to a deadend job anymore)

        1. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

          ...Then maybe you should get a job that isn't deadend.

          1. generic Brand   13 years ago

            I'm working on it (the job search, not the baby-making so much).

            1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

              If you need help with the baby-making, Charles Bradley and the Menahan Street Band can assist you in that area.

              Just a little tip from the Heroic Mulatto.

      5. nicole   13 years ago

        Even the liberal ones ? they'll support policy changes like equal pay, they'll read Gail Collins, they'll think Michelle Obama is awesome, they'll argue in favor of federal parental leave. But at the end of the day, in their own homes, they want a stay-at-home wife to do the vast majority of the work raising the kids, tending to the house and allowing the dude to focus all of his efforts on his personal success

        So, which of these two things is reasonable: a fair sharing out of household/out-of-household work between two people, or reading Gail Collins and loving Michelle Obama? I'm going to assume y'all would pick the first. As any sane person would. But you fucking hate Gail Collins, amirite? So I think this particular brand of feminist has really gone wrong in their cause somewhere.

      6. wareagle   13 years ago

        the idea of dating a feminist is less appealing.

        did I miss something, like the time when dating a feminist was more appealing or appealing at all?

        1. Newt Gingrich   13 years ago

          Early feminists were really into sexual freedom.

          1. Eduard van Haalen   13 years ago

            Yeah, Frances Willard of the Women's Christian Temperance Union was a real "goer," if you know what I mean.

            1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

              Only if you were a chick.

              "The loves of women for each other grow more numerous each day, and I have pondered much why these things were. That so little should be said about them surprises me, for they are everywhere ... In these days when any capable and careful woman can honorably earn her own support, there is no village that has not its examples of 'two hearts in counsel,' both of which are feminine." -Frances Willard, The Autobiography of an American Woman: Glimpses of Fifty Years, 1889

              1. Eduard van Haalen   13 years ago

                Wow, it's creepy how quickly you were able to call up that reference, congratulations!

                1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

                  Hey, research is what I do for a living...well, half of what I do for a living.

    2. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

      The part you quoted actually seems pretty reasonable to me. Although I will note that if she doesn't express that she doesn't expect to be paid for, it's really the same thing, since a guy can't take that chance if he wants hope for a date #2.

      1. Coeus   13 years ago

        He did it wrong. This is how it's done.

        1. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

          Ah, yes, that's much more bitchy. "I don't expect him to pay, I just want someone who is generous (and more-so than I am), and I'll find out if that's case because he'll pay"

          1. R C Dean   13 years ago

            Women love setting these little traps for men, don't they?

            Damned if you do ("You rapist pig-dog, how dare you think you can buy me for a dinner!"), damned if you don't ("Cheap bastard, didn't even buy me dinner!")

            1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

              That's because women's minds are sophisticated enough to deal with with non-dualistic logic and dialetheism.

            2. Mad Scientist   13 years ago

              The good news is if a woman like this refuses a second date, she's doing you a favor.

            3. Episiarch   13 years ago

              Only obnoxious women, RC.

              1. nicole   13 years ago

                Christ Epi, stop not-collectivizing us.

                1. Episiarch   13 years ago

                  Not now, nicole, the men are talking.

              2. Thane of Whiterun   13 years ago

                Yeah, thinking about the "Nice Guys" (which unfortunately I have heard of before) story this AM I was frustrated at the idea than no woman will ever love me because a couple times now I have had the misogynistic gall to:

                1. be nice
                2. become friends with a female
                3. become interested in her sometime after getting to know them

                But then I realized that these were deranged, pathetic, emotionally immature women that I would never be friends with, much less date, anyway.

                What a relief.

                1. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

                  Dude, you're not supposed to become attracted someone based on their personality and shared experiences. You're a monster.

                  Also, don't be attracted to someone for the way they look, either.

              3. R C Dean   13 years ago

                Only obnoxious women, RC.

                Like I said, women.

    3. MJGreen   13 years ago

      And frankly, that's part of the reason I bring up the "I'm a feminist writer" thing very early, either before or on a first date ? I don't want to spend time with men who are freaked out by that.

      I am guessing that by "freaked out," she means the men are scared of her fierce independent style. Not because a "feminist writer" is almost guaranteed to be fucking unbearable to be around.

  39. A Serious Man   13 years ago

    Middle school love letter displayed at Florida wedding 22 years later.

    I welcome all your cynicism.

    1. Episiarch   13 years ago

      Ugly people do strange things.

    2. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

      A cynic would note that they spent over a decade banging other people.

    3. Anonymous Coward   13 years ago

      Simpin' ain't easy.

  40. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

    Pizza Perfume

    "smells like dough with a little bit of seasoning added"

  41. NeonCat   13 years ago

    Was the hot sauce Texas Pete, made in Winston-Salem, NC?

    W-S gave the world Texas Pete, Krispy Kreme doughnuts and Camel cigarettes. Plus whatever stuff Wake Forest has done, along with BB&T.

  42. AuH2O   13 years ago

    So, I saw an ad for American Idol last night, and they were announcing new judge Nicki Minaj. Jesus, she looks like a drag quuen.

    1. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

      and what pray tell are her singing credentials?

      1. Anonymous Coward   13 years ago

        Nicki Minaj: An Ode to JoyScat

        1. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

          has PETA been informed of this cat torture?

    2. Episiarch   13 years ago

      Why would you watch an ad? Are you poor? Do you not have a TiVo? Or at least a generic DVR?

      (The only acceptable answer is "I was watching the Giants suck out and lose against the Redskins")

      1. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

        Super Bowl is another acceptable answer.

        1. Episiarch   13 years ago

          The Super Bowl wasn't on last night. But I guess as a Canadian you wouldn't know that.

          1. nicole   13 years ago

            For Canadians, the Super Bowl isn't even an acceptable answer. They don't get the good ads.

            1. Episiarch   13 years ago

              They probably get ads for Tim Horton's and reruns of DeGrassi Junior High.

              1. nicole   13 years ago

                They do. Tim's ads are kinda-sorta cute, I mean in that "oh, you're Canadian, how darling!" way. Degrassi, though, can DIAF.

          2. Auric Demonocles   13 years ago

            You didn't say "Why would you watch an ad last night?"

        2. Warty   13 years ago

          Only idiots watch Super Bowl commercials. Except for this one.

          1. Episiarch   13 years ago

            Fiat deserves a fucking award for that commercial. I hope every advertiser follows their lead during the next Superbowl, which will of course be the Giants versus the Patriots.

            1. Warty   13 years ago

              Gerardo Sofovich needs to start an advertising agency.

              1. JW   13 years ago

                They promised me there would be bowling.

              2. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

                DAT ASS!

    3. nicole   13 years ago

      Also, re: "she looks like a drag queen" -- I would kill for her body. I am not even joking. OMG that ass! Those boobs! Seriously look at that ass!

      1. Warty   13 years ago

        Her boobs are thoroughly fake. And as for the DAT ASS, I have given you the tools you need to build one.

        1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

          You masturbate to that, don't you?

          1. Episiarch   13 years ago

            He has the Michelle Jenneke video on permanent repeat for that purpose. Not that I blame him.

            1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

              Fair enough.

            2. nicole   13 years ago

              Except it's a little creepy how coked-out she seems.

              1. Warty   13 years ago

                Athletes love to use speed to perform better, and track athletes are the most drugged-up of them all.

              2. Episiarch   13 years ago

                I don't understand any sentence that has "creepy" associated with "coked-out", nicole. Now, "coked-out" and "awesome", that I understand.

                (Warty's right that she's probably on speed; even I get sped up for tennis matches by taking pseudoephedrine)

                1. nicole   13 years ago

                  Unlike some of you, I am able to look up long enough to notice her CRAZY EYES.

                  1. Warty   13 years ago

                    Just what is unsexy about crazy eyes?

                    1. nicole   13 years ago

                      How about these?

              3. Warty   13 years ago

                Also, just what do you think is unsexy about a coked-up girl?

          2. Warty   13 years ago

            When I'm not all spent from watching El Noche Del Domingo. Why?

            1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

              Just cataloging the various fetishes of H-n-R for when I write my mega-Reasonoid erotic fanfic.

              1. nicole   13 years ago

                What are you putting down for SugarFree?

                1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

                  Urophagia, he distills his sugar-laden urine into alcohol and drinks it.

                  1. Episiarch   13 years ago

                    No, no. Frotteurism.

                    1. nicole   13 years ago

                      I hear Lincoln was into that, so if SF likes it too, we get to kick him out of the libertarian club, right?

                      I was hoping it would be jelking.

                    2. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

                      I had never heard of jelking until now.

                      The fact that there seems to be a whole community of jelkers out there makes it even more disturbing.

                      It seems, to me, just like a good way to permanently injure your dick.

                    3. nicole   13 years ago

                      I thought you'd be all over it! I mean, not like that, but in terms of knowing about it. I learned about it from a guy who was pissed about being circumcised. I didn't realize until just now when I was googling that it really is a thing--the guy in question was gay and I had the impression it was kind of a thing for gays or something.

                      This was also when we were living in Canuckistan so his cut penis stood out more than usual as an aberration. And my understanding, at least from the ones I've known, is that gays are kinda picky about this stuff.

                    4. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

                      That's not even a fetish for him, anymore. He's just calling it in, like a porn star doing anal just for coke money.

        2. nicole   13 years ago

          If they are fake, I can live with myself. Besides, it's actually a pain to buy clothes for. BUT STILL.

  43. Sevo   13 years ago

    "Obama Thinks There Have Been Budget Cuts,"

    I understand he thinks Obamacare is a good idea also.

    1. Killazontherun   13 years ago

      Remember when Shreek called the Innumerate One a quant? That had to be sarcasm. Trolling genius at its finest.

  44. Warty   13 years ago

    Are you ready to read Lindy West talking about how empowering it is to be a disgusting landwhale at a gym? No? Well, TOO FUCKING BAD.

    1. Episiarch   13 years ago

      Jesus Christ, even her writing is fat.

      1. Warty   13 years ago

        It's not my fault I'm fat! I TOTALLY work out sooooooooo hard, like, all the time! I go on the treadmill for, like, an hourrrrrrrrrrrrrr every morning!!!!

        1. MJGreen   13 years ago

          But I treat myself to a pumpkin scone and caffe mocha afterward, because I deserve it!

    2. AuH2O   13 years ago

      Posted last week.

      1. Warty   13 years ago

        Well, I'm posting it now. You have a problem with that, fatty?

        1. Archduke Pantsfan   13 years ago

          http://1-media-cdn.foolz.us/ff.....034569.jpg

        2. Episiarch   13 years ago

          I bet he weighs 500 lbs.

          1. Warty   13 years ago

            I bet his momma's so fat, that when she hauls ass it takes her two trips.

            1. Episiarch   13 years ago

              You'd know; didn't you bang her this morning?

              1. Warty   13 years ago

                Fuck no. I couldn't even manage to roll her in flour, let alone look for the wet spot.

    3. generic Brand   13 years ago

      I sometimes participate in non-fat activities such as... wearing a pencil skirt

      Paging Barfman!!! (and SugarFree for round 2!)

      1. nicole   13 years ago

        omigod now I really cannot click through

    4. Anonymous Coward   13 years ago

      WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS, WORDS.

      And I love me.

      Warty, when the revolution comes, remind me to kill you first.

    5. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

      Lindy West....IN SONG!

  45. Thane of Whiterun   13 years ago

    Coeus

    Have you had a look at the latest shenanigans of our favorite "skeptchick"?

    http://freethoughtblogs.com/ro.....air-shake/

    1. Warty   13 years ago

      Ew. She's gross.

    2. Coeus   13 years ago

      Amazing. Who'd a thunk it? She's out of her element.

      Thank god that's never happened before.

      Also, I'd bet you money that the vast majority of those A+ "skeptics" believe all the stuff I posted above about second-hand smoke. They really need a new label.

      1. Thane of Whiterun   13 years ago

        nerdy progressives?

        1. Coeus   13 years ago

          No, they'd probably like that. And, given what I know of her, I am in no way surprised that she denigrates the only scientific discipline I find (almost) as useful as chemistry.

          1. Thane of Whiterun   13 years ago

            True, they'd probably think I was comparing them to Rachel Maddow (SHE DOES THE CROSSWORD IN PEN)!!!

  46. A Serious Man   13 years ago

    Patriarchy: Tennessee woman files false rape claim because she didn't enjoy the otherwise perfectly consensual sex.

    1. AuH2O   13 years ago

      Women never lie about rape! All rape claims are totally valid and therefore we don't need silly things like due process to hold up punishing these rapists!

      1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

        It's not a false rape. As is obvious by the picture, that woman is a microcephalic and a severly mentally retarded cretin. Thus, there was no way she could give informed consent.

    2. Anonymous Coward   13 years ago

      But, the Jezzies told me that no woman would ever lie about rape!

      I'm so confused.

    3. AlmightyJB   13 years ago

      Wow, she's ugly. I would think finding someone to have sex with would be hard enough for her. Who is going to now?

    4. Killazontherun   13 years ago

      There is only one way to correct this perpetual injustice. Take rape off the books and require women to be armed at all times. So she can shoot the poor performer afterwards instead of bothering the rest of us with this inanity of lies.

    5. nicole   13 years ago

      Damn, I was hoping I'd get to share this one. I knew you guys would love it.

  47. BoscoH   13 years ago

    When Morsi was here for some UN thing and interviewed by the NYT, they pried into whether his college experience at USC would make him a more moderate Muslim. And his quip about western civilization was that unmarried couples living together made him uncomfortable. Well, fuck him, then. That's a perfect litmus test for whether we stop coddling these religious twats, barring just ignoring them and letting them die in their own excrement without our assistance anyway.

    1. Red Rocks Rockin   13 years ago

      The reporter left out his follow-up comment: "However, I was impressed with how much all the guilty white liberals on campus ingratiated themselves to me."

  48. Sigivald   13 years ago

    I made the mistake of glancing at the comments over on the NBC piece about the President.

    Lots of people cheering the President, nobody (at a glance - there were over 1200 comments, so I didn't remotely see them all) asking "what cuts?"

    I'd love to see someone ask the President what the Hell he thinks has been cut since January of 2009.

    1. Pro Libertate   13 years ago

      I commented on this above--a school paper "reporter" would know to ask that question first thing. Because it's amazingly obvious that there have been no cuts.

      Let's see what our media does with this softball.

  49. Mike M.   13 years ago

    Your bogus war propaganda for the evening. Are all you rubes out there getting fired up to bomb the living crap out of some more people yet?

    P.S. I love the "Security Clearance" logo CNN threw up on there. Really lends it that extra air of credibility!

    1. Heroic Mulatto   13 years ago

      I can't wait until I hear the chants of "Obama lied; people died!"

      Shouldn't hold my breath though....

  50. waaminn   13 years ago

    Sometimes dude you jsut gotta wonder lol

    http://www.Anon-Hide.tk

    1. Doktor Kapitalism   13 years ago

      Reason (the website, not the baby) could eliminate this fellow by training the squirrels to eat up the word "JSUT."

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