Election 2012

Not Only Does Politics Make us Stupid, it Poisons Our Children

"Somebody said that if Mitt Romney wins, he's gonna make us homeless."



So there I was in my one-hour voting line (pictured), and a restless six-year-old kid says to his mother, "Somebody said that if Mitt Romney wins, he's gonna make us homeless." (Mom, to her credit, informed the child that this was untrue.) I would have considered this a one-off Brooklyn anecdote, but then I tweeted it and received responses like this, from the baseball writer (and Chicago-dweller) Tim Marchman:

Word on the playground at my kid's school is that Mitt Romney hates firefighters.

And this from a chap called Judah, who may or may not be from San Dimas:

I heard "Romney is Jewish, no wait, he killed someone Jewish" from my 7 year old today.

Rule of Three and all that. Commenters, have you encountered such political horrors among your pre-tweens? Should I be concerned that my four-year-old wants Mitt Romney to win because "she's nice"? Hey! Politics! Leave them kids alone!

NEXT: Delay, Confusion For Storm-Stricken Voters

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  1. Considering the average voter is about as well informed as these seven year olds, welcome to the tyranny of the masses. The stupid will continue to grow exponentially.

    1. Unfortunately true.

    2. My 7 y.o. had a decent reason for not supporting Obama, as the first lady look the pizza he liked from the cafeteria. Other children at his school support Romney because of the new and inferior chicken nuggets.

      1. My step-kids lost their brownies on pizza day and want Romney to bring them back … He ain’t going to, but at least they see cause and effect.

        I’d say the kids are smarter than many of their parents.

  2. My 7th grade daughter told me how her school’s “Kids Vote” event only featured Obama and Romney. I told her that she and her classmates were being brainwashed into thinking that only R and D choices were available. This lead to a conversation about the feasibility of anarcho-capitalism, and an illustration of the stupidity of most laws when I slowed down to the actual speed limit of 25 MPH, and she was astonished at how stupidly slow that was.

    1. I’m proud of you, dude. Did you tell her that we’re all rational anarchists in the Prof. de la Paz sense as you broke a rule (the speeding limit) that you found intolerable?

      1. I had to use language that a 12 year old could understand.

        Who the fuck is de la Paz?

        She said that the thought of not having a government made her “nervous”. I told her that was the brainwashing speaking, and asked her to name just one specific thing that would be worse off if not run by governments.

        She couldn’t.

        Had pretty much the same conversation with her two older siblings a few years back.

        1. Nevermind — Googled “Prof de la Paz”. Been a few years since I read TMIAHM.

    2. She might be amazed how fast it is when a kid darts into the road. Fuckers drive through this neighborhood at 40 mph and it would take them 40 yards to stop even if they were paying attention.

      1. With a new set of high performance tires under optimal conditions (mu of 0.8 and one second reaction time), my calculations say you still ran the tyke over by a few yards.

      2. The road we were on is wide and straight, with large pedestrian margins for joggers and bicyclists.

        Every now and then I slow down to something approaching the speed limit on that road because of little kids unsteadily riding bikes or whatnot, but usually ten over (35 MPH) still seems waaay slow.

    3. They tried to pull the same thing when I was in high school back in 2000 with Bush/Gore. I managed to swipe one of the “ballots” the day before, scanned it into a computer, added Browne/Nader as choices, printed out hundreds of copies, and handed them out right before the vote.

      They ended up canceling the entire vote due to the confusion it caused. It was a great lesson in democracy.

    4. Nice story.

      Rasilio said on AM Links that his kid’s teacher acknowledged GayJay was on the ballot but specifically told her she wasn’t allowed to vote for him

      1. No this was an online kids vote thing and Gary Johnsons name appeared on that online ballot but my daughters teacher would not allow her to vote for Gary Johnson, she could vote for whoever she wanted, as long as it was Barak Obama or Mitt Romney but there were in fact 3 names for her to choose from.

        1. Once again, the state is the biggest bully of them all.

    5. Step-daughter had to make a Obama v. Romney on-the-issues poster for Gov class and then had to write who she’d choose. She wrote that she wished Ron Paul was an option.

      Dog, I love her!

    6. Had the same thought. My kids have heard the names Jill Stein, Gary Johnson and Virgil Goode. R&D are really one and the same and constitute a corrupt entity in my opinion.

  3. Fuckin breeders, man.

  4. My wife heard from her Facebook flock of tweener girls that Romney wanted to stop rescue work after the hurricane, which had morphed, one assumes,from Romney wants to shut down FEMA.

  5. I can’t wait until the demonification of the other TEAM turns violent. Thank Jeebus I have so many guns, I occupy the 4th and 5th floors with a clear view of the street, and that I’m only on TEAM SCAPEGOAT. Oh wait, that’s not good.

    1. Don’t worry. They will kill the Jews first. They always come for the Jews first.

      1. Italians are often mistaken for Jews or play them in movies! You’re not helping here John!

        1. This is true. My wife is Italian. And she was often mistaken for a Jew in college. Things like “so are you coming to the Jewish Singles even tonight?” and professors asking “how was your holiday?” after Yom Kipper. If you are light skinned Italian, you may be in trouble.

          1. I had people who had known me for years when I was in high school assume I was Jewish. Later, when I was living in an Arab-heavy place, they assumed I was Lebanese. I’m glad I’m not alone!

        2. The flames will reach you, what then?

          1. I’ll jump into the bay. YEEHAAWWWWWWW

          1. But I’m already wearing a pentagram! Won’t that seem contradictory?

            1. Look, do you want to live or not?

              1. YOU’RE NOT HELPING

                1. Then I guess you’ll go first. Probably for the best.

      2. Are messianic Jews safe?

    2. Thank Jeebus I have so many guns,

      FYI the limiting factor for most gun nuts is they aren’t ammo nuts. Twenty or so rounds and they’re cooked.


      2. If you don’t have at least a thousand rounds in each caliber, you’re doing it wrong.

  6. This has been going on forever. In 1972 the scuttlebutt on the playground was if McGovern won we’d have to go to school on Saturdays.

    1. I don’t know why, but “scuttlebutt on the playground” slayed me.

      Well played, sir.

  7. My two year old son only cares about playing video games and going to the park.

    1. two year old
      playing video games

      Great parenting, bro.

      1. Everything you need to know in this world can be learned from some combination of GTA, Skyrim, and Borderlands.

        1. His kid is going to end up a lonely, socially stunted nerd whose capacity to relate to reality is limited to videogames and Objectivism. Might as well start him on My Little Pony episodes now.

      2. I know! We just started playing Donkey Kong Country Returns together, which he especially likes because he gets to be the “small monkey” and I’m the “big monkey”, a virtual father and son team.

        1. You. fucking. monster. Bonding with your child over a video game? I suppose he’ll be computer literate by the time he has to join the workforce too.

          1. Diabolical

  8. Shit, I have a college friends voting for the first time today that think their future depends on Obama winning because Romney is an evil white capitalist. And because it’s California we’ve doubled down on the stupid with the ballot props like Prop 30.

    1. because Romney is an evil white capitalist

      And they bitch about that state of affairs using their iDevices, I bet.

      1. But Obama is going to forgive all of the student loans. He promises.

        1. If he had actually promised that he might get those 20-30somethings to vote this year.

        2. Problem is even if that were true these idiots probably aren’t smart enough to recognize that Loans = Shackles

      2. And they bitch about that state of affairs using their iDevices, I bet.

        I don’t think you appreciate how bad it is. They geuninely believe that because college is hard for them that they are entitled to freebies and subsidies until they get the job they want. In their view that’s the way it ought to be.

        1. My seventh graders know better than to go down that road.

          It could be we’re all suckers for believing it will matter by the time they are in their twenties, though.

        2. college is hard for them

          The soft sciences are not “hard.” College is not difficult unless you are learning one of the hard sciences. Most of the loud ultra-progressive idiots are those who have a lot of free time because they’ve nestled into the humanities and don’t have to study much.

          1. OF course they are hard (in the sense that you have to work hard to do well). Just because you see no point in doing something doesn’t mean it can’t be difficult to do well.
            Shit, I majored in math because it was by far the easiest major to complete. An actual lab science takes a lot more work, but most of that work isn’t all that hard.

      3. iDevices were made by an artist, a dreamer, an obnoxious greedy arsehole, a visionary, so they’re not part of capitalism. Also Steve Jobs died because the Republicans opposed Obamacare. Or something. Anyway my iDevice isn’t capitalism. Noam Chomsky has one. Probably.

        1. Just because: Jobs!

    2. ofcourse, obviously college students would know that capitalist don’t hire but socialist forgive private debts owed to others.

  9. When you home school you don’t have members of Teachers Unions in the position to propagandize your children. You also have plenty of time to warp mold their minds yourself.

  10. Here is a question, if Paul were running as a third party today, what would he be pulling? My guess is from five to ten percent. Yet, I bet Johnson doesn’t get two. Why has Johnson failed so badly into tapping into Paul’s support base? I Johnson just that bad of a candidate or is Paul just that good?

    1. Paul has a special cult of personality, and the movement members really do bring a lot of energy to him.

      1. And I think Johnson’s mistake was associating himself with the Libertarian Party. That pigeon holed him. He should have just run as an independent.

        1. In a more sane world, he would have been the TEAM RED nominee. The poor bastard kind of lost it a little after he got no traction whatsoever.

          1. In a sane world he would have been the R and Romney would have been the D. That is how nuts our politics are right now.

            1. Psh! In a sane world Johnson would be the D and Ron Paul would be the R.

        2. I subscribe to Gary Johnson posts on Facebook, and he’s pretty much appealing for voter’s to give him 5% so the LP qualifies for Federal funding.

          The result is that the comments are ranging from support to condemnation for even considering taking gubamint moneies.

        3. No, he would not have been able to get on the ballot in very many states as an independent. The LP was waiting with open arms and 45+ states.

    2. Combination of Johnson’s reluctance to embrace Constitutionalism (he’s more of an ends justifying the means kind of guy with regard to the income tax, gay marriage, etc) that turns off constitutional conservatives and the fact that the Paul campaign was sdmittedly somewhat cultish in their adoration of the congressman.

    3. Paul is a very cunning politician who plans his moves years in advance and has a wealth of historical knowledge informing his strategies. Johnson doesn’t strike me as someone who thinks very strategically.

      1. Tell that to the Democratic politicians who lost to him in a Blue state.

    4. Johnson isn’t radically conservative in the way that Paul is. His brand of libertarianism is secular and utilitarian, which puts me off compared to Paul’s religious views and adherence to the Constitution.

        1. Everyone who says something lolbertarians don’t like is a sockpuppet of Mary or Tony.

          1. No, Mary, you let the mask slip a couple of weeks back when you started accusing people who disagreed with you of being Aspies.

            You really hate Aspies don’t you?

            1. Woah tarran, your antagonism means you’re obviously one of us.

        2. I’m not sure if this is one of Mary’s alts or not but regardless of the source I fail to see anything to argue about with the post.

          I mean Johnson is definately not a Social Conservative the way Paul is and I’m not sure if he has any religious views so he clearly has a far more secular approach than the very religious Paul.

          Johnson’s brand of libertarianism is also very much in the utilitarian mold and he is definately not a Constitutional purist the way Paul is.

          Combined these 2 factors alone would probably cost Johnson the support of a quarter to a 3rd of Pauls backers.

    5. Paul has been around in Congress a lot longer than GJ has been in the national spotlight, and Paul has run for president several times before, therefore he has a higher profile. The cult following matters of course, but GJ is pretty much an unknown in most of the country.

      I bet Paul would still be under 10% though. Most of the cultists who follow Paul are interchangeable with the “the whole system is corrupt so I’m not voting” crowd.

    6. I voted for him this morning (non swing-state) but my biggest issue with Johnson is his advocacy in every interview I’ve seen of a national sales tax. I know it’s meant to replace the income tax but I think that’s kind of naive — we would almost certainly end up with both. Plus it’s extremely unfair to people who’s savings have already been taxed. Also from what I understand the scheme involves even more federal involvement in people’s finances via regular “rebate” checks.

      It’s just a bad thing for the libertarian brand to be associated with and for that reason I’m sort of glad Johnson has been widely ignored.

      1. I voted for him this morning (non swing-state)

        Would you have still voted for him if it had been a swing-state? I really don’t get what difference that makes.

      2. Part of the Fairtax legislation is the repeal of the 16th amendment, which would do away with the income tax. Sure, Congress might try to keep the income tax and just add another layer of taxation, but that’s an omnipresent threat, not in any way unique to the Fairtax. Yes, people who already paid the income tax on their savings would pay again when they bought something. Then again, people already get double taxed regularly with the estate tax, which would be eliminated under the Fairtax plan. Again, the thing you’re complaining about as a downside of the proposal already exists under the current tax structure. As for the “prebate” payments, the Federal government already cuts checks to people every month. The difference is that under the Fairtax, you don’t have to disclose a damn thing about your income or assets to the feds in order to get the money. I don’t understand how receiving a check each month intrudes the government into my finances, any more than me paying my electric bill does. Sticking with a system that’s corrupt, complex, and easily manipulated by politicians on behalf of interest groups, one that’s pretty much impossible to reform, rather than going to a simple, easy to understand, and transparent system, strikes me as slightly crazy.

    7. Partly what others have said, and partly Paul’s greater name recognition due to his run four years ago and the fact that he’s still in politics, the fact he had a more successful primary run this year, etc

    8. It took Paul a long time to build his support. And he was actually in office fighting the good fight while he was doing it.

  11. Require correct answers to a simple quiz before being allowed to vote.

    E.g., “You know who else came for the Jews first?”

    1. Jesus?

      1. “OK. Poll Station 4.”

      2. Moses?

    2. The Pharoah?

      1. I approve ;-}

  12. Not Only Does Politics Make us Stupid, it Poisons Our Children

    Wait…politics is flouride?

  13. My 12 year old son was telling us last night that pretty much everyone in his class picked Obama just because he’s already the President. He also was given the choice between Brown and Warren and wasn’t sure who they were until someone told him to just pick Warren. I spent a bit of time telling him that at 12 years old he won’t understand what voting is all about and that by the time he’s old enough he may be convinced to not bother. He then asked me what would happen if nobody voted so I explained my hopes that this would give the government a hint that nobody believed anymore.

    My 17 year old daughter told me she never plans on voting because she doesn’t consider herself well informed enough on the issues.

    1. Just tell them to always write in Bill/Opus and always vote straight Meadow Party, and everything will be good.

      1. I’d be fine with it if he never saw the inside of a polling booth.

    2. she doesn’t consider herself well informed enough on the issues.

      Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop people from *governing*.

    3. My 17 year old daughter told me she never plans on voting because she doesn’t consider herself well informed enough on the issues.

      I’d argue that it’s because the “issues” aren’t really issues at all. They’re red herrings.

      1. My daughter is incredibly smart, one of those people who is smart enough to know when she doesn’t know. She has an interest in politics, we talk about things from time to time. I think she’s on her way to joining the (A) party without any prompting from me.

        1. If you need to teach her a lesson to prompt her on the way, I could probably play some sort of role in the fake drug raid, judging on the Brown/Warren comment you made.

          Unfortunately I have both arms.


        2. I think she’s on her way to joining the (A) party without any prompting from me.

          I always knew you were a member of the Asshole Party. :-p

    4. Your daughter is an example for us all.

      1. It was one of those times when I felt like a proud parent that had done something right in raising her.

  14. “If Obama doesn’t win we will go back to picking crops.”

    Courtesy of a 9 year old. Fuck his father with a porcupine.

  15. My 5 year old asked me who we’re voting for, presumably because it is mentioned at school. I’ve never once mentioned politics to her and my wife is apolitical. I said Gary Johnson. She repeated the name to me and then looked like I was retarded. “He’s not running for president.” I said yes he is and then I rattled off Obama and Romney, names she immediately recognized but could not actually say herself on first try. Then I mentioned Virgil Goode and Jill Stein and she said, “a women is trying to be president?” I said “sure, you could be president when you’re 35.” She looked at me like I was crazy. “I don’t to be president. You can be president.” Smartest thing she ever said. 😉

    But I clearly have a lot of work to do and an uphill battle against her teachers. So, I dropped her off today and as I was walking out of the building, I turned around and went back to her class and called her to me at the doorway. “Remember, we’re voting for Gary Johnson, OK? Gary Johnson.” I want her to remember that when her teachers bring it up. She already has this lesser of two evils is acceptable thing in her brain from the Super Bowl. I definitely hate the Patriots a lot more, but getting it out of her head that we’re not Giants fans is still ongoing.

    1. Then I mentioned Virgil Goode and Jill Stein and she said, “a women is trying to be president?”

      The reaction of every sane person to such news.

      “Remember, we’re voting for Gary Johnson, OK? Gary Johnson.”

      Now you’re telling your free-thinking liberated daughter how to vote?

      1. She thinks she’s in on our family’s voting so yes, that’s exactly what I said. She asked who WE’RE voting for. She also asks what team we’re rooting for. She also doesn’t smell like feces and lube, so maybe you can’t relate.

        1. Buttplug isn’t just for Palin anymore.

  16. Word on the playground at my kid’s school is that Mitt Romney hates firefighters.

    I don’t know about Mittens, but I certainly hate “firefighters”.

    Fucking parasites, sitting on their asses portraying themselves as some sort of otherworldly heroes.

    Fuck them.

    1. It’s not at as bad the feeling that one is a True American Hero? because they went and fucking voted. This sentiment has gone full retard today on Facebook.

      1. In the immortal words of Warren: “DOOM”.

      2. Jesus Christ yes. Apparently all of my FB acquaintances get off to voting.

      3. I disagree. I think we should do as much as we can to debase the word “hero”. Ever since 9/11, it’s been used to sanctify people who do certain things for Big Government.

        I’m a hero and a patriot and care about the children by standing up for the rule of law against predations such as the War on Drugs or the Nanny Staters.

  17. I remember in 1980 or so there was a black and white comic book going around Gloucester High School with Teddy Kennedy as an evil, drunken, horny black sheep. It detailed a lot of his adventures. Wish I still had it.

    1. OMG! I remember that too! It was wonderful!

    2. Has there ever been a virtuous Kennedy?

      1. Eunice Kennedy who started the Special Olympics to try and make up for her father labotomizing one of her sisters.

    3. You should have kept that. That is awesome. That is suitable for framing.

      1. You have no idea John…

        I remember the mailer. It was mailed to our house by Kennedy’s opponent. The illustrator had an exuberant style – the sheep’s coat had these boisterous loops.

        We threw it out after a few weeks. I wish we had kept it.

        1. It’s been erased from history.

          1. Or not. Amazon is offering for $11:

            Every Family Has One…Or…Even a Black Sheep Can Make It…Especially If He’s a Rich Black Sheep

            But there’s no photo or anything else, so it might be the thing.

            1. I love the internet age, here it is on EBAY:

              1. I am so buying that.

  18. The only time I remember doing one of these school voting things is in 1988, when I was in preschool. A very schmancy preschool, where Bush absolutely killed in the kiddie vote. I had never heard of either major candidate (and yes, there were only two choices), but Dukakis sounded like a much prettier word, so I voted for him. (Major synaesthete here.) I only found out later that my mom had too.

    1. In 5th grade, I was the only kid who raised his hand for Ross Perot. It was humilitating. Secret ballots are crucial to ensure a free and fair kiddie vote.

      1. Perot killed it in my 5th grade class. Though our vote was more union style and involved heavy pressure on the one Bush voter until he switched.

    2. I did one for the 1980 epection (6th grade) where I told the teacher the system was rigged and corrupt, so why bother? He, being a righteous and deluded liberal, was indignant at this response and lectured the hell out of me (and by extension, the class) for that.

      Our class picked John Anderson, btw.

      1. I’m pretty sure the one and only time we did this in school, I voted for Gus Hall just to be a smart ass.

  19. The thing I got from my 6th grade son, was that Mittens was going to kill PBS. It was easy to correct this, because he’s heard from me over and over that all of the “truth” he hears at school, from both teachers and students, is worthy of being questioned.

    1. If Mitt defunded PBS and NPR, it would be worth voting for him.

    1. “OK. Poll Station 7.”

  20. “Somebody said that if Mitt Romney wins, he’s gonna make us homeless.”

    Maybe the kid has been reading Krugabe.

    If President Obama is re-elected, health care coverage will expand dramatically, taxes on the wealthy will go up and Wall Street will face tougher regulation. If Mitt Romney wins instead, health coverage will shrink substantially, taxes on the wealthy will fall to levels not seen in 80 years and financial regulation will be rolled back.

  21. Not around any kids, but this level of thought it was what I’m seeing from a lot of the Masshole adults.

  22. (CNN) — Let’s all stop for moment, catch our breath and take in the magnitude of what is happening. Before we jump from campaign frenzy to post-election celebration — or disappointment — we should not let Election Day pass without pausing to really absorb what an extraordinary thing democracy is.


  23. we should not let Election Day pass without pausing to really absorb what an extraordinary thing democracy is.

    “I’m P T Barnum, and I approve this message.”

  24. Commenters, have you encountered such political horrors among your pre-tweens?

    My pre-teen child keeps telling me that the Green Ninja is awesome.

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