Media

Seriously, This Is What Our Elite Journalistic Institutions Are Writing About

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And I swear that I don't have a gun

Oh hey look, a couple of NPR satirists have written a new book (pictured) of illustrations and poetry called Dog on the Roof!: On the Road with Mitt and the Mutt. From the WashPost write-up:

The book follows the Romney family, packed in a Chevy station wagon, on an imaginary cross-country trip. At each stop, Mitt Romney waxes eloquent about the scenery, while Seamus bemoans his precarious position.

A sample from the book: In New York, Mitt enthuses, "Wall Street's a temple,/our nation's salvation./ And we are among/its elite congregation," while Seamus frets: "As long as you're talking/ 'bout wheeling and dealing,/a bailout is needed/ on top of this ceiling!"

Let's see how other respected media outlets are treating the pressing national issue of how a 2012 presidential candidate reportedly treated his dog in 1983 (according to a 2007 article in the Boston Globe):

* U.S. News & World Report: "Why We Care About Mitt Romney's Dog and Bullying."

* The Atlantic: "Romney Treated His Dog the Same Way He Looks and Talks: 1960s-Style." (With the great B.S. subhed "Public fascination with the saga of Seamus Romney reflects a massive transformation in how Americans view their pets.")

* The Financial Times: "Animal cruelty, or Mutts for Mitt?"

And as many others have pointed out, bafflingly regular New York Times columnist Gail Collins has written about Seamus at least a dozen times.

Seriously, historians are going to look back at the coverage of the 2012 election, with its backdrop of totally predictable debtpocalypse and entitlementgeddon, and instead of responsible journalism they're going to find this shit.

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  1. Romney’s driving down the road with a dog strapped to the roof and Obama pulls up next to him and says, “Hey! Are you gonna eat that?”

    1. See, this is *real* satire.

    2. I was going to say, after the “Dines on Wolves” fiasco, I figured the left was going to drop Romney’s dog tale.

    3. The best refrigerator is on the hoof! Or on the paw, as it were.

  2. But Obama’s admitted drunk driving, drug use, associations with criminals (see Ayers and Blogovich), and attendance at the good reverend Wright’s church are all off limits.

    1. That’s silly. This election is about real issues like the economy, and how it tanked because of a Mormon Massacre in 1857.

  3. Seriously, historians are going to look back at the coverage of the 2012 election, with its backdrop of totally predictable debtpocalypse and entitlementgeddon, and instead of responsible journalism they’re going to find this shit.

    Sometimes, Matt, you say things perfectly.

  4. instead of responsible journalism they’re going to find this shit.

    What else are they going to write about? Can’t write about his performance with the economy, GITMO, War on Drugs, Terror, Illegal Immigrants. Bailouts or Stimulus, green energy loans; nope. Anything of importance he looks like shit on, so we have to listen to shit like this, or Fluke, or some other asinine bull.

    1. And the Republicans can’t make real issues out of any of them because they know damn well that as soon as they win an election they’ll do the same stupid shit, make it even stupider if they can, and all the assholes who’ve been for the stupid shit will be against it, and the ones who’ve been against it will be for it, because TEAM BLUE TEAM RED RAH RAH RAH.

      Meanwhile, Eduardo Saverin is an evil money-grubbing troll of some sort for not wanting to live here anymore, because who couldn’t love funding our great democratic experiment?

      1. GO TEAM RUE!

  5. As opposed to BO’s middle name and lapel pin choice, Kerry’s Botox and Francophonicity, and Gore’s inventing the Internet?

    You have to laugh or else you’ll cry. And I’m all cried out.

    1. Who ever made an issue out of his middle name? Links or it didn’t happen.

      1. I don’t know if any actual writers made anything out of his middle name but plenty of other people do/did. Just go find a story about Obama on Yahoo and read the comments.

        1. Unless journalists made an issue of it, it doesn’t matter. The homeless guy behind the 7-11 makes issue of a lot of things. But that isn’t the same as major publications doing it.

        2. I don’t know if any actual writers made anything out of his middle name but plenty of other people do

          Journalists aren’t “other people”. They’re not like you and me.

      2. I remember there was some deal made about it. There was a facebook campaign where a lot of people changed their middle name to Hussein in solidarity or something, or so I heard. I stay off the face page myself.

      3. Rush Limbaugh consistently used “Barack Hussein Obama” after Iowa in 2008, and was criticized for it by the left as a dog whistle.

  6. NPR is to humor as kryptonite is to Superman.

    Anyone remember “I’d Rather Eat Pants”? Starring lefty stalwarts Ed Asner Ed Begley Jr.? Anyone?

    1. pieces of “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” make me smile, but then the rest of it gets so bad that I have to turn it off.

      Today they were reading poetry…just like every other time I turn on NPR. Why do I even have it as a preset?

      1. Don’t be dissin’ Car talk.

      2. Morning Edition? Planet Money? All Things Considered/Marketplace?

        1. Major yawns. And I say that as someone who has been interviewed for Morning Edition and ATC.

          1. I was on Morning Edition once. I was interviewed after a panel discussion (I was on the panel) by some university correspondent, and it somehow made the national feed. Never actually heard it, but a couple of people told me about it later the next day.

          2. Yeah, but they’re more informative and less noxious than anything else on radio and anything on TV.

    2. Overdrawn at the Memory Bank wasn’t that bad.

      1. I’m INTERFAAAAAAACED!

  7. instead of responsible journalism they’re going to find this shit

    Well, I’m *pretty* sure Mitt hosed off the top of the car.

  8. With cover art by Chip Bok.

    Seriously, no steering wheel in the car? And 5/7 humans are actually in more danger than the dog since they don’t even have an enclosure behind them.

  9. When will Romney’s reign of dog terror end?

  10. It’s well known that dogs hate being exposed to wind while the car is moving.

    1. I know, that’s one of the things about this story that make it seem so strained. There’s also the detail that Romney built a windshield for the dog carrier, so it’s not as if the dog didn’t have protection from the wind.

  11. Seriously, historians are going to look back at the coverage of the 2012 election, with its backdrop of totally predictable debtpocalypse and entitlementgeddon, and instead of responsible journalism they’re going to find this shit.

    Why are you assuming that historians in the future would have any reason to look back at the 2012 election? I’m pretty sure most historians really concern themselves with events that were in some way significant or had long lasting effects on the world.

    1. most important election in a generation in my lifetime in a century in American history EVAR!!

  12. I’m just waiting for the release of A Dog in Every PotCherished Family Recipes From the Obama White House.

    No satire. No stupid poems, just actual recipes for dog. Maybe some shots of Barry takin’ care of his livestock, Bo.

    1. The Compleat Canine Cookbook, with an introduction from the Michelle Obama Healthy Eating Initiative.

      1. “Eat your poodle, Timmy – children in China are eating greyhounds!”

    2. With plagiarized “Cherokee” recipes from Elizabeth Warren.

    3. “To Serve Dog”

      Plain’s Indians ate dog, perhaps Cherokee did, too

  13. “Hey, should we cover the whole puppycide thing with the police nationwide or should we just continue to jerk off?”

  14. I doubt the book’s fact checking. Are they trying to tell me Romney drove a Ford Country Squire?

    1. Oh, if only. That delicious, sumptuous, decadent faux-wood paneling on the sides, sun faded from the top down its streaked sides….just SCREAMS 60’s/70’s Amerishitbox…

      The good old days.

      1. Gorgeous. Can you do my Gremlin and my ’78 Mustang II (hot orange, so hideous it got made fun of on a local radio show regularly).

  15. At least they didn’t try to be cute with the name and call it “Dog on a Hot Car Roof.”

  16. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Oh – I thought this was the Friday “Funnies”.

  17. “Worthless, heartless, soulless little fucks. Suckers of Satan’s cock, each and every one.”
    –Bill Hicks

    I believe he was describing pop musicians, but it pretty accurately captures my feelings about journalists who claim to be “impartial”.

  18. This can’t be satire. I thought satire was funny and used jokes and stuff …

  19. What Matt doesn’t realise (or acknowledge) is that mainstream journalists are terrified of the coming Romeny Austerity and Smaller Government which will Starve the Beast.

    They’re doing God’s work.

  20. Sounds like a great excuse for a book on Obama: “He Also Ate A Dog”.

    Kid’s picture-book format, each page with an appropriate illustration.

    Page 1: “Obama ran deficits more than twice as big as any other president in history.”

    Page 2: “He also ate a dog.”

    Page 3: “Obama passed a law to force everybody to give money to health insurance companies.”

    Page 4: “He also ate a dog.”

    Page 5: “Obama raised gas prices, just like he promised.”

    Page 6: “He also ate a dog.”

    Page 7: “Obama played ## games of golf while ### American soldiers under his command died overseas.”

    Page 8: “He also ate a dog.”

    Page 9: “Obama voted to give billions of dollars to Wall Street.”

    Page 10: “He also ate a dog.”

    Page 11: “Obama cost # million more people their jobs than doing nothing.”

    Page 12: “He also ate a dog.”

    Page 13: “Obama wasted $### million on Solyndra and other ‘green energy’ scams.”

    Page 14: “He also ate a dog.”

    Page 15: “Obama shipped #### untraced guns to Mexican drug cartels.”

    Page 16: “He also ate a dog.”

    You then put up a web site to document the claims, of course.

    Then print 100,000 copies, enough to send one to every single public elementary school in America, instantly producing a local-angle story for every local newspaper and TV station in every community in the US as to whether the school library should put it on the shelves.

    1. Jesus, that sounds like a funny book. Can we get it on Kickstarter or something?

    2. Brilliant. (And my six-year-old twins would love it.)
      Get Peter Bagge to illustrate it and I’ll donate a grand toward publication costs.

  21. As Warty said, perfectly summed up, Matt.

    I’ve also noticed when a lefty news source is absolutely forced to mention another odious tactic this shitty administration is defending, it’s always ‘the Obama administration’.
    It’s never the president himself, who’s insisting on defending the warrantless wiretapping of US citizens. Or telling the DEA to kick down doors at a pot clinic, or giving lobbyists a revolving door into the White House.

    Don’t know what makes me sicker – that or the fact that the favored GOP alternative is a weak-ass sister who can’t exploit a single ONE of the obvious reasons to boot Obama.

  22. Do they get paid by the campaign for writing a shill piece like this? I assume the answer is yes.

  23. Ann Coulter STILL says BHO.

  24. Judas Priest’s latest:

    There I was completely wasted, out of work and down
    The economy is sucking as I move from town to town
    feel as though nobody cares if I live or die
    so I might as well begin to put some nutrition in my life

    Eating a dog, eating a dog
    Eating a dog, eating a dog
    Eating a dog, eating a dog
    Eating a dog, eating a dog

    So much for the border collie, that was a good start
    I’ve had every promise broken, there’s anger in my heart
    you don’t know what it’s like, you don’t have a clue
    if you did you’d find yourselves eating the same thing too

    Eating a dog, eating a dog
    Eating a dog, eating a dog
    Eating a dog, eating a dog
    Eating a dog, eating a dog

    [etc.]

  25. You think you hate it now, but wait’ll you drive it.

  26. Who says Dr. Seuss is dead?

  27. I mean seriously? The least they could do is name it The Fido on the Roof.

  28. Matt, you’re fuckin sassy. Of course, in matters of something like journalism (as opposed to things that don’t pander to people’s hopes, fears, and stupidity, like coal suppliers or vaccine development laboratories) those things that are “elite” usually mean those things that are so awesomely stupid that they appeal to ignorant majorities.

    Also, today at my local burger joint there was an LGBTQ weekly that had a picture of Obama and said “Thanks, President Obama!”. Next to this heroic picture was a headline that said “Mitt Romney’s Bullying Past”. People lay it on real, real thick without a second thought. Self-awareness is like the antimatter of modern journalism.

  29. instead of responsible journalism they’re going to find this shit.

    That’s the kind of unequivocal judgement I come to Reason to get! Call it what it is, bro = Silly, inane bullshit. And from the Ed. in Chief, no less. Well done, Matt. Its moments like this I want to buy you a third tie.

  30. Yes NPR listeners, you are all smarter than the rest of us and why we can’t see the humor on this hilarious satire……barf

    1. Oh I get it, a Spaceballs reference.

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