The White House Press Correspondents' Dinner Is About as Bad as You Think, Only a Little Bit Worse and a Little Bit More Fun


Let's start with Time's head and subhead—

"President Obama Outshines Jimmy Kimmel at White House Press Correspondents' Dinner: Do we laugh at the president because he's funny or—because he's the president and we have to? Here's your answer."

"At Saturday night's White House Correspondents' Dinner, Obama showed that yes, he really is that funny.


The President focused, not surprisingly, on the still-ripe-for-wisecracks Secret Service scandal, the upcoming election and how much has changed throughout his four years in office, all with a healthy dose of humility and self-deprecation. "Four years ago, I looked like this," he said, gesturing to a photo of his fresh and sprightly self circa 2008. "Today, I look like this," he said, as an image of his notably wearier (and grayer) self flashed on the screen. "And four years from now, I will look like this." Cue photo of Morgan Freeman. Here are some of his other memorable quips:

On his relationship with Hillary Clinton:

"Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later, she won't stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena."

On news aggregation:

"I'd be remiss if I didn't congratulate the Huffington Post on their Pulitzer Prize. You deserve it, Arianna. There's no one else out there linking to the kinds of hard-hitting journalism that HuffPo is linking to every single day."

Admittedly the last one got a hilariously pained "oooh" from the print media in the room, including the Denver Post table where I was sitting (they endorse none of the libertarian ranting to come, of course).

The rest? Oh, the president admits he looks older. Oh, someone pointed out Texts From Hillary as the hot meme of the moment (or several weeks ago)! The president is so aware of these things. (He's probably not aware of Texts from Drone, though. At least someone told him to stop joking about Predator Drones and the Jonas Brothers like he did in 2009.)

So why is it so jaw-droppingly wonderful that the president manages to have enough comic timing to get some of the jokes that he didn't write across? Why is it so exciting that it's like he's people? Look, he can even make policy jokes!

On a potential second term:

"In my first term, I sang Al Green; in my second term, I'm going with Young Jeezy. In my first term, we ended the war in Iraq; in my second term, I will win the war on Christmas. In my first term, we repealed the policy known as 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell;' in my second term, we will replace it with a policy known as, 'It's Raining Men.' In my first term, we passed health care reform; in my second term, I guess I'll pass it again."

Priceless. Never mind the Defense of Marriage Act still lingering and occasionally destroying families. And definitely never mind the War on Drugs, even though the idea of winning that should seem as absurd as winning the war on Christmas.

Here's the whole thing, if you're interested. Remember, mocking the stupidest critiques of your presidency is the height of edgy, self-deprecating humor.

But let's go back a bit. Let me slum it by playing FishbowlDC for a second, may the journalism gods forgive me. Here are some things I saw last evening.

At the ABC News pre-party I somehow found myself taking a picture of Diane Sawyer and openly gay, extremely genial GOP presidential candidate Fred Karger with the latter's camera at his request. I ran into, and briefly attended Karger's CPAC party, and the fact that I remembered his existence and talked to him above other people probably endeared me.

We chatted a bit about Rick Santorum, who was spotted by taller people in the room at that very party. Rick Santorum is, apparently, a very nice guy in person. Anticipating an evening of libertarian screaming inside my own head, I pressed Karger on politics by saying "I hate politics." We then discussed whether Santorum being a true believer would be better or worse. (At some point, dear commenters, Karger also pointed out a girl who was apparently Santorum's daughter and, well, I thought of all of you and smiled.)

Celebrities filed in. I saw the back of some brunette hair and a sparkly dress and elbowed Chuck Plunkett of The Denver Post saying, that's Barbara Walters, isn't it? I spent many an hour in my nerdy youth watching 20/20, but that was mainly for John Stossel's impassioned, libertarian requests that someone give him a break. I was reminded of how how shoddily ABC apparently treated Stossel during his years as the only libertarian there.

Eventually it was time to get started with fancy-dining and applauding. I was unmolested by the security, passing easily through the metal detectors and there were fewer olive-clad examples of the militarization of police than there are at any protest you've ever seen, but there were some, with German Shepherds on short leashes at the ready. Black-clad men with earpieces lurked.

The Post people and I found our table, tucked in a corner of the epic, golden ballroom. My name, I realized, was

written down in the program. I was more than just a nameless "guest of" and I tried not to like that too much or hate it too much. I searched in vain for Attorney General Eric Holder's name, since he was supposedly going to sit at the Huffington Post's table. Not seeing his name, I resolved to make as many jokes about the other, secret list, as I could.

Before everything started, I wandered the room in hopes that I would find Greg Gutfeld of the libertarian-friendly Red Eye, since "hey, my colleagues go on your show sometimes and that show is pretty awesome" is an easier line than trying a cold-opening of "the government sure is terrible, isn't it?" in that crowd.

During my fruitless quest for Gutfeld I saw George Clooney, Kim Kardashian, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, Kevin Spacey, and Bret Baier of Fox News hobnobbing with Newt and Callista Gingrich, and a million other people I probably knew and lots of journalists and guests paying much, shameless attention to all the celebrities. And then while I passed Sen. Rand Paul, looked back to maybe smile at him for at least trying to stop the damn PATRIOT Act and the NDAA, I almost bumped into Janet Napolitano, Secretary of Homeland Security; Big Sister herself. This was after myriad, cranky jokes about who I should accidentally spill a drink on for liberty, Holder, Ray Kelly of the NYPD, or Napolitano. I had to trap an attack of sincerely hysterical laughter with my hand before it escaped into the ballroom.

So here's the point; I know it's taken much longer to get to than Hamilton Nolan over at Gawker, whose "Fuck the White House Press Correspondents' Dinner" blog post is pretty hard to argue with and maybe does say all that needs to be said about the dinner.

But the opulence doesn't offend me. The opportunity to awkwardly say "you're awesome!" to Aziz Ansari from Parks and Recreation doesn't offend me. Kim Kardashian really, really doesn't offend me. Journalists patting themselves on the back doesn't offend me much. Hell, it's only one night a year and maybe we should pay much more attention to the toothless White House Press corp and their daily inability to be as ruthless and watch-dogish as they should be. It's not that much worse just because they're better dressed than usual for one night.

Because it's the people who are more offended by Kim Kardashian than Ray Kelly who are the problem. Politics, somewhere along the line, became morally equal to celebrity. Morally superior, even. And so when they mix, it's not that celebrities diminish a highbrow event, it's that they blur the lines in a way that's dangerous to understanding. Nothing demonstrates that quite as perfectly as the ritual of the president playing comedian and comedians oh, so gently roasting the president.

Jimmy Kimmel, to his great credit, was at least a lot rougher on the president than most people expected. Nobody will ever pull another Stephen Colbert in 2006 because you have to assume someone was fired for that, and because, let's be honest, is there a comedian alive who would treat a Democrat the way Colbert treated Bush?

But Kimmel made jokes about "Fast and Furious" gunrunning and Eric Holder, as well as the recent Department of Justice crackdowns on marijuana. And that's half points at least, what with the toothlessness of previous Obama-"bashing" comedians like Seth Meyers and Jay Leno.

Maybe the bloom is off the rose a little for Obama if a comedian dared to go there, but the way the crowd howled at Obama's every half-witticism, it didn't feel like it. Listening to Obama speak in person is as infuriating as it is on television; worse, with journalists in hysterics and me looking dour and thinking this isn't funny.

But maybe Obama is funny. Maybe I can't tell.

Except that it doesn't matter if he's funny or not.

It's confusing to be there among all the glitter. Seeing famous people is fun. You've seen them in pictures and movies, you feel a moment of recognition, yes! I know you! So you want to stare and maybe take a picture and then you're part of all that bullshit. Whether it's Rahm Emanuel or Steven Spielberg, you're giving them what they want by looking and caring. But Spielberg never said "you never want to let a serious crisis go to waste" and was never in charge of a big, corrupt city with a nasty police department. At the White House Press Correspondents' Dinner, directors and mayors are just one and the same.

Even though certain breeds of celebrities want to be taken seriously and most politicians want to be admired, politics is power. It's not just a velvet rope, you can't come into this nightclub, and I have a disturbing influence on what your children think is cool type-power; it's life and death power. It's assassinations without oversight. It's imprisonment. It's that legalized, glamorized type of murder known as war.

The difference between politics and celebrity, the inherent dangers of the former and the banal harmlessness and occasional pleasures of the latter, shouldn't have to be explained; the White House Press Correspondents' Dinner, proves, if nothing else, that is still does. And that's the problem.

Reason on the White House Press Correspondents' Dinner.

NEXT: Judge Jim Gray Floats VP Run With Gary Johnson

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  1. You need to quit working and go enjoy your Sunday, Lucy.

    I’ll get you started with this.

  2. Nice review Lucy, although I’m curious as to what assignment is more infuriating- listening to that lady at Occupy Justice talk about the wonders of Cuba’s electoral system or watching 20 minutes of President Not My Fault reach new heights of narcissistic indulgence.

    Tough call.

    1. Of course an Occutard is going to love Cuba’s “electoral” system, Tman… it’s soooo much easier to just have two choices on the ballot:

      ___ Yes, I vote for Castro!
      ___ I choose not to vote for Castro. Shoot me now.

      Why, we should do that here! Just ask Tony… if you can find him.

      1. This is exaggeration, they don’t shoot people for that. The entire family is placed in prison.

        1. I must’ve been thinking of the North Korean ballot.

  3. I like the trip report, Lucy. I sometimes wonder why I don’t see the magic in president Obama. I’m glad I’m not the only one. He isn’t really funny is he?

  4. tl; dr

    1. If Lucy can endure that dinner for God knows how many hours, then we the commentariat can take 7 or 8 minutes to read her review. Good job, Lucy.

      1. I agree. It was well written, and didn’t go after the usual trash that other outlets would go after, if anything. The tabloid stuff. Though I wouldn’t have minded one of the “comedians” make a nice little dig at His Pestilency for refusing to acknowledge to Armenian Holocaust with a Kardashian in the room.

        1. The Secret Service probably would have dragged such a commenter out of the room.

      2. I read the article but there’s no way I’m watching the videos.

  5. I see George Stuffingevelopes on that list too. Did you get a chance to tell him what an ass he is?

    1. Alternate spelling: Steponallofus.

      1. George Snuffleupagus

        1. What Bam! said

        2. George Stufaphallusinus.

  6. Nobody will ever pull another Stephen Colbert in 2006 because you have to assume someone was fired for that, and because, let’s be honest, is there a comedian alive who would treat a Democrat the way Colbert treated Bush?

    This. With the Bush White House Press dinners you could sense the hostility being barely masked by the faux air of civility. Colbert was (and is) an asshole, but Bush earned it with his policies even if personally he seems like a decent guy.

    Obama is the opposite, the press fawns over him and the worst any comedian will do to him is be irreverent, which is Kimmel’s whole schtick. This despite the fact that not only has Obama’s polices been just as horrible as Bush’s, but personally he is such an arrogant prick that he deserves to be roasted in “I’m totally not kidding” sort of way.

    1. he deserves to be roasted in “I’m totally not kidding” sort of way over an open flame.


      1. dude, you ain’t allowed to say that

    2. And honestly, there is shit you could give him, like writing two autobiographies before he even became President.

      1. I didn’t think Obama had even written one autobiography before he was elected.

        And I still don’t.

      2. How the heck does a non-schizophrenic person write two separate autobiographies without one of them being a lie?

        1. By writing neither autobiography and skating on positive media attention.

    3. So Colbert is a real life asshole and Bush is a decent guy?

      Damn, you are fucked up in the head.

      1. Takes one to know one?

        1. Our shrike is a fine example of assholiness.

          Then again, he’s been niggardly with the “Christ-fag”s lately… poor li’l guy must be ill.

          1. I was thinking more “fucked up in the head” than “asshole”, but I guess that works too.

            1. Both, really.

      2. So Colbert is a real life asshole and Bush is a decent guy?

        That’s not what A Serious Man said.

        From the comment: Colbert was (and is) an asshole, but Bush earned it with his policies even if personally he seems like a decent guy.

        Is this Shrike the same as the old, or just some new griefer? Because nobody could misread something like that unintentionally.

        1. I think it’s the old shrike. Just as fucked-up as ever, and just as irritating.

        2. No, the idiot Serious Man has never met either but was declarative that Colbert IS an asshole but insists Bush “seems” decent.

          You fuckers cannot read.

          1. You, however, are consistent in your cuntiness.

          2. You fuckers cannot read.

            We can all read, it’s your comprehension that was called out.

            It would be one thing if you examined the contradiction that Colbert is an asshole, even though his treatment of Bush at the WHCD was proper because Bush had ‘earned’ it with his policies.

            But you didn’t do that.

            Instead, you ignored the open question of Bush’s decency (the term ‘seems’ could easily be read as ‘created by the PR people’ – especially since it was contextually preceded by a critique of the Bush political policies) so that you could project onto Serious your simplistic partisan viewpoint.

            Personally, Colbert sucked at that dinner, but I also recognize that he’s the only talk show host to have Gary Johnson on twice, as well as lauding (for what reasons it isn’t clear) Ron Paul for being consistent in his policies.

            Colbert is an entertainer – he needs attention to get money. Sometimes he’s the most humorous when he’s not trying – see him disproving his own position forming the Colbert Super Pac.

            1. I didn’t point out that Bush “earned” Colbert’s invective because Lucy did (or someone).

              Colbert earned his Peabody Awards and no one on Fox Fake News has one.

              1. Colbert earned his Peabody Awards and no one on Fox Fake News has one.

                So unless someone wins a Peabody Award they cannot be taken seriously as a journalist? Somebody ought to tell that to the advertisers that are lined up around the corner to get a slot on Fox News. They might be happier putting their money behind a production by the openly racist Spike Lee. You know, the guy that posted the address of an elderly couple on Twitter in an attempt to get George Zimmerman lynched. He won a Peabody last year.

                1. That’s like admiring Arafat for winning a Nobel.

              2. I didn’t point out that Bush “earned” Colbert’s invective because Lucy did (or someone).

                That ‘someone’ was Serious, the guy who you accused of Bush affection. His pointing out that Bush ‘earned’ Colbert’s invective calls into question his abject love for all things W, which then calls into question your comprehension of his comment.

        3. Hasn’t called us Christ fags.

          He’s a fake.

          1. All the other “tells” are there, though.

  7. Man, SNL has had two really shitty head writers in a row. Tina Fey and then Seth Myers. Fey is simply overrated. There aren’t many women in comedy, so she gets a pretty big boost from that. 30 Rock is good, but not as good as TV critics seem to think it is, and her stint at SNL was a lot better when she had Ferrel there to do Bush and carry the load.

    Myers though… Jesus, what a douche. Super punchable face, and just not that funny. That man is criminally overrated, and his head writership at SNL shows a bigger problem with SNL: They have let people (like Fred Armisen) stay around too damn long. Apparently, Lorne has started making performers sign long term contracts, which makes no sense to me, because SNL was not hurt by being seen by young performers as, “Come on here, do a year or three, and then make multimillion dollar movies.”

    Back to Myers… that man defines Masshole.

    1. Back to Myers… that man defines Masshole.

      Apparently, it runs in the family.

      1. Cast member of MADtv?? Must have been from the years that didn’t count.

    2. I tried to watch 30 Rock twice because my friends absolutely rave about it, but couldn’t make it through the half hour. Yes, I get that Alec Baldwin is playing a Republican caricature. But why do they have to go political in every fucking episode? It’s not just because I disagree with Baldwin/Fey’s politics — if there were a libertarian show that tirelessly, constantly mocked leftist strawmen I’d tire of that too.

      1. You should keep trying to watch. At first glance, the political side (which really isn’t that big a part, you must have been unlucky picking episodes) may seem to jsut be going after Republican strawmen. But they get in a lot of digs at political correctness as well. There’s an ep where Queen Latifah plays a preachy, self-righteous liberal Senator and Jack has to make his company appear “diverse” so that she approves a merger or something. She comes off as obnoxious and self-serving and you root for the greedy Republican

        1. She comes off as obnoxious and self-serving and you root for the greedy Republican

          You realize that still makes it political, right? Fuck that show. The whole thing is scripted like some kind of inside joke at which the only people laughing at it are those desperate losers yearning for the slightest modicum of an interesting life.

        2. I really hated the show too when I had only watched a few select episodes. After hearing from enough friends about how great the show was I started from the beginning on Netflix and watched it all the way to the current new episodes.

          I don’t find the show to be preachy at all (yes it occasionally makes a little political jab but never takes it that seriously). Tina Fey’s character is priceless and you can’t help but to love Liz Lemon and all her quirky flaws. She has a lot of amazing lines.

          I also appreciate that the show is very self-aware and sometimes makes fun of itself– one episode this season was about how Liz Lemon felt like her life was repeating itself completely (a jab at the occasionally repetitive plot points).

          1. Good to know but I am boycotting a long list of celebrities, including Fey, Alec Baldwin, Clooney, Sarah Jessica Parker, Mark Ruffalo, and a long list of companies including McDonald’s, Coke, Pepsi, Kraft, for their support of Van Jones, Obama etc.

            I will only watch their movies when they appear on a cable channel I already subscribe to, at the most.

    3. Fey may be overrated (I tend to agree although I do think she is “better than average”), but no way is she in the same league as Meyers. His talent for writing endless hours of “comedy” material that is entirely devoid of humor unique. The man managed to make Christopher Walken unfunny, for god’s sake.

  8. Our Lucy’s all growed up now, boys. It’s time we tell her about the birds and the bees and the birds that thought were bees in college and the bees that act like birds when they’ve been drinking tequila.

    But on the other hand, it’s every libertarian’s job to act like a wild-eyed maniac whenever they are in the same room as what passes for legitimate power in our corrupt system.

    You acted normal. I am disappoint, Lucy.

    1. SugerFree, I respect your critiques and salute your wisdom And had I not accidentally almost ran over Napolitano and then been distracted by hysterics, I like to think I would have said something good, maybe just a list of suspicious-to-DHS-buzzwords.

      I was also trying not to shame the Denver Post. But I didn’t clap or toast, damn it!

      1. I was also trying not to shame the Denver Post.

        There’s a sentence so few people have the occasion to say, and an act even fewer aspire to accomplish.

        Just be careful on the cruise, Lucy. We all like you too much to see the effects on the incautious young reporter when trapped at sea with [shudder] Steve Smith.

        1. We all like you too much to see the effects on the incautious young reporter when trapped at sea with [shudder] Steve Smith.

          This is true, Lucy. The STEVE SMITH lives for nubile and intrepid young reporters to feast upon. His unholy appetite is insatiable and would rape a knothole if the tree put up a fight or had a pulse. We never did find out what happened to Jr., The STEVE SMITH chimera.

          1. Steve has sired many vile offspring over the centuries. Are you referring to his most recent spawn?

            1. Oh crap, I’d forgotten about that freak show; a real piece of work that lad is. I’m sure he’s related to Teh STEVE SMITH though with the prominent forehead boss, supraorbital processes and bushy unibrow. He’s not the STEVE SMITH Chimera however, since that particular offspring was spawned of some weird meta-physical meta-rape to poor Dagny T. That one was lost in the mists of time and lore, and SugarFree was the last known archivist of Jr.

      2. Only jumping up and down and screaming “fuck you power tripping scum” and then throwing your feces will be acceptable to NutraSweet. Or to me. For obvious reasons.

        So do it right next time.

        1. I humbly accept your critique.

          1. Stop being so agreeable!

            1. Fool! It’s a trap, Epi. Look over your shoulder…

              1. Hahaha. Remind me to be agreeable more often.

                1. I’m impressed that you were able to be so agreeable at the event as well, Lucy. You have more self-control than I do, because if you put me in a room with so many utterly contemptible people, I would go FULL ASSHOLE immediately, and make sure I got in some severely nasty cracks before I got ejected physically.

                  “Hey George, you going to make Ocean’s Fourteen so that I can not go see that piece of shit too?”

                  1. It’s kind of an eternal problem to be a journalist-type who has LOTS OF OPINIONS AND GOVERNMENT-RELATED RAGE. You want to see it, but not endorse it. It’s no fun to huddle in the bunker of purity 24/7, but there’s obviously a line somewhere that I would feel like a sell-out for crossing.

                    1. Next time just bring a bottle of this, and when you’ve had enough of the bullshit, dump some behind Joe Biden’s seat and get the hell out of there.

                    2. Shit, Lucy, you were in a crowd where you couldn’t miss hitting a slaver while swinging a dead cat… and you STILL managed to behave?

        2. He’s been eating pizza! In Seattle!

          Lucy, FINISH HIM!

          1. Delancey’s is very good. And the sausage on the sausage pizza…made there by hand, and just deliciously flavored with garlic and fennel. I tried to buy some but they said “fuck you”. Not quite, but in essence.

        3. She can’t do that. She has stalkers with cameras.

  9. It’s the people who are more offended by Kim Kardashian than Ray Kelly who are the problem. Politics, sometime, became morally equal to celebrity. Morally superior, even. And so when they mix, it’s not that celebrities diminish a highbrow event, it’s that they blur the lines in a way that’s dangerous. Nothing demonstrates that quite as perfectly as the ritual of the president playing comedian and comedians oh, so gently roasting the president.

    Thug-state mafia goons and suckups dress in black tie and pose. Sophisticated lickspittles titter with the king says something with a smile. Obsequious gamers and wannabe players act their earnest best. The power-worshiping lewinsky press fawns – and this is something interesting?

    1. Reminds me of a passage from Atlas Shrugged. Unfortunately, the outcome isn’t as funny in real life.

      1. Reminds me even more of Idiocracy.

    2. Hey, can you fault them over at Time for the thrill running up their legs? Access to the war room, man, and, and, new versions revelations about the Bin Laden assassination. What curmudgeon grouches we are for denying them their guilty pleasures.

  10. Also… thanks, Lucy, for making me read Gawker comments. Ugh do I hate those insufferably smug pricks.

    1. I didn’t stick around to read the comments, but that article was an epic rant.

      1. Gawker causes the brain damages, just as surely as reading DemocraticUnderground. Best to avoid it.

  11. Smart and well-written.
    This is exactly why I come to Reason – to reassure myself that not everyone is so dim as to not see through the strategic posturing of the current US presidency. It scares me that elections are now won almost exclusively as a result of a candidate’s ability to perform on a talk-show.

  12. Who the hell cares about this kind of Beltway bullshit?

    1. Good question!

  13. I don’t think I could handle being in a room for so long with all those statist fucks and their suck ups in the media and entertainment industry. Just disgusting.

  14. OT: Bush/Cheney’s go-to Torquemada will be on ’60 Minutes’ tonight.

    (Or maybe its on-topic considering the pain the WHCD is causing.)

    1. The MSM is trying to play up whatever difference in the WoT they can find between Bush and Obama (and I’m not entirely convinced there’s much of a difference even on torture).

      1. Psst, Otto… there’s some cunt right above you.

        1. This post has been flagged for verboten profanity.

          1. IMO, calling a man a cunt isn’t verboten.

            1. Especially if you are gay and about to pitch him so woo.

      2. Bush’s torture guy is angry that Obama stopped the torture programs even after admitting innocent people were victims of their sadism.

        The IG said torture produced no actionable intel.

        And fuck you, FIFY. You don’t have my gift for insults.

        1. Right back at you, mancunt.

        2. Lol! You find more ways to suck than any other person on this blog, shrike. How do you do it?

          1. He likely reads Gawker, Killaz.

  15. (At some point, dear commenters, Karger also pointed out a girl who was apparently Santorum’s daughter and, well, I thought of all of you and smiled.)

    Oh. No. You. Didn’t! Lucy, FTW!

    1. Lucy > Kennedy

    2. Apparently Karger had a you tube that was censored for a few days the day before this dinner. He featured boys and girls playing volley ball on the beach in California, and two of the boys kissed. You Tube decided, even though it was a campaign video for the GOP primary in California, to take it down.

  16. “Hi, I’m from Treason Magazine–hope a drone strike doesn’t take out this table tonight.”

    1. I’m really kinda surprised any libertarian would have been welcome at this shindig… the Obama admin surely reads the SPLC website, right?

      1. You stupid fuckpiece, the media invites the guests. Crazy McCarthyest Allen West was invited and took a zinger. I’m sure the Secret Service patted that nutcase down upon entry.

        1. I stand by my statement, fatherfucker.

          1. Who was in charge of security, shrike?

            Walk it back, cunt. You know you’re wrong here… as usual.

          2. Never roll around with a pig in pig shit; the pig loves it, and you just end covered in his shit.

            1. I’m hoping we can eventually drive him away, Mike. He should be forbidden to post here, but that’s up to the staff.

              1. You will never drive it away by responding to it. That’s what it wants. Insulting it won’t do it, because that’s a response.

                Ignore it. I cannot stress this enough. If you respond to it you are doing exactly what it wants you to do. Don’t be that guy. Don’t help it by responding to it.

                Just walk away, and there can be an end to the horror.

                1. We drove White Indian away, Epi… surely, there’s a way to rid us of that worthless manpussy as well.

                  1. Uh, no we didn’t. Registration did. Which was the entire point of its implementation.

                    If you respond to it, you feed it. If you insult it, you feed it. If you ignore it, you starve it. It hates being ignored. Don’t you want to do the thing that it hates, and not the thing that it likes?

                    1. Some of us supported registration, Epi.

                2. It’s very tempting to do just that, and I have done so in the past for several weeks at a time. It is just as tempting to believe that his Team Blue cognitive dissonance will self destruct in a ‘does not compute, does not compute . . .’ melt down like the robot twins Spock worked over. If he disappeared it would be anti-climatical, but if he had a joe like meltdown it would be something we would all look back on fondly.

                  1. Meltdown! Meltdown! Meltdown!

                    And a suicide at the end. Double-plus good.

                    1. Make that a double-suicide with Tony. Triple-plus good.

                    2. Except it’s not a real person, it’s a sockpuppet. A character designed to push your buttons. You cannot make a fake person melt down.

                      Its congnitive dissonance is specifically designed to piss you off. Whoever is behind it (I suspect Mary) is manipulating you, and you’re letting it.

                    3. Someone’s typing the words, Epi. And shrike has been around for far too long to be Mary.

                    4. I suspect you are right about that. Where is the manic day trader bullshit in this incarnation of shrike? That kind of smug insanity defined what mid era shrike was all about. I just don’t see it in the current one.

                    5. Not around here as much. Everyone talks about “Mary” – is there a thread that has info about the Tycho Registration Anomaly 1 and this “Mary” person?

                    6. This thread should shred some light on the subject:


                      Ask her about her cheek bones1 Wait, don’t do that, it will just make the voices in her head angry.

                    7. BTW, if you must talk to her, ask her which is her favorite Vonnegut novel.

                    8. Thanks – but there seems to be some missing info. All I got was Mary Stack from Dallas, not interested in clicking the griefer links.

                    9. If we could come to an agreement, Episiarch method would undoubtedly work.

                      I try to never be the one who initiates a conversation with shrike, and I don’t think he bothers to respond to my comments any longer. He hasn’t in several weeks after I told him to ‘fuck off’ after he gave me a compliment at the expense of everyone else here.

                    10. In response to both of you, shriek 1.0 disappeared for a few months a while back. When it reappeared, it was clearly someone else trying to ape shriek’s style, and they were pretty bad at it at first, but improved over time to what you see here. They were two different people, including Killaz’ point that this one completely lacks the financial daytrader shit. Completely.

                      Regardless, it wants you to respond, even with insults. It wants to “make the puppets dance”. Don’t do it.

                    11. I never claimed to be a day trader, nimwit. I am just an investor.

                      I think I day traded once unintentionally in 2008 because the Dow fell 800 points while the Bush Team “destroyed capitalism to save it”.

                    12. You also claim to be a capitalist.

                    13. Something you know nothing about.

                      You assholes claim the world’s top capitalist (Buffett) is a Marxist.

                      And Somalia is a free-market paradise to you idiots.

                    14. If by “top capitalist,” you mean the biggest rent-seeker that pushes for legislation that prevents businesses from being passed down to families after death, allowing him to come in and scoop them up at 50 cents on the dollar, then yes, he is the top capitalist.

                      And I challenge you to find a post where he is referred to as a Marxist on this site. I’ll wait patiently.

                    15. Buffett is a money-making socialist. Just like Michael Moore, among others, who have lots of money but secretly loathe the idea of people being able to be wealthy.

                      He does, however, hang out with people who view Marxism as “not all that bad”.

        2. Do you groom the unibrow or do you let it grow free range?

          1. He has no forehead, Killaz. It’s hair all the way from eyebrows to the back of his head.

            1. Shrike is Self Hatin’ Southern Man. Twice the hate, and all the ignorance, plus some more he cultivated all on his own.

              1. If Allen West were a Democrat, what shrike has said about him would be in the “bigoted commentary” category.

                1. I wonder if shrike agrees with Time that Obama simply out shined Jimmy Kimmel.

                  Or, with the Democratic governor of Montana who said women voters are going to have a problem with the history of polygamy in Romney’s family.

                  What say you, shrike? Would love your well informed opinions on these matters.

                  1. Oh, he’ll support Team Blue, just as per usual… although why any self-proclaimed capitalist would support that party, is beyond logic.

                2. This place has gotten far more conservative than when I began posting here in 2007.

                  Of course back then no memory was required like now since the stench of the Bushpigs was still fresh.

                  1. And you’ve gone farther to the left, shrike.

                    1. There was this stupid Bush-Guy here named Tall Dave that I just owned. What a fucking tampon he was.

                    2. I’ve been trying to figure out how you can support Obama, given that he isn’t an atheist…

                    3. The religion of those on the left doesn’t matter. Neither does their race, racial attitude, sex, attitude toward sexism, station in life, morals, past associations, willingness to murder or adherence to the constitution. Those things only matter when discussing one of shrikey-poo’s opponents. Because shrike doesn’t care what gets done, as long as it’s his guy doing it.

                      He’s a partisan of the highest order, which is why I only address him in an openly derisive manner. He’s not worth engaging beyond some form of comic relief from the serious discourse that usually occurs on here.

                      If that sounds smug, tough shit. He’s a cunt that wouldn’t be worth pissing on if he were on fire in my child’s bedroom.

                    4. He’s a cunt that wouldn’t be worth pissing on if he were on fire in my child’s bedroom.

                      Sloopyinca, you have been fined 1 credit for violation of The Ken Shulz Verbal Morality Code.

                    5. Oh well, looks like we’ll be taken even less seriously by Team Blue and Team Red now.

                      Sorry libertarians. I’ve ruined our chance for those cunts to take us seriously.

                    6. No it’s ok to call men cunts groovus, just not women.

                    7. Can I call other women cunts? Good thing we have Ken Verbal Morality Code Shultz to explain all of this to us, otherwise we would look like a bunch of cunty cunts to those who we want to impress.

                    8. Honey, your misogynistic comments are gonna make Ken go cross-eyed.

                    9. OK, it’s hard to keep up with the libertarian ecumenical pronouncements from the Pontiff of Profanities.

                    10. You may also call women “pricks”, Banjos. It’s like reverse feminism, or something.

                    11. Yes, but she can’t call men pricks or douchebags, only women. I know this is complicated people but it’s super important. You may not realize it but our internet comments have a great impact on the political culture of this nation. One slip up and a libertarian will never be elected to a position of power again.

                    12. Banjos can do whatever she wants, for she is Banjos.

                  2. “This place has gotten far more conservative than when I began posting here in 2007.”

                    Puh-lease. All you fucking team blue pieces of shit piss and moan when it’s your guy in the White House and Reason is taking shots at him. You sound just like the team red pieces of shit who hung around during the Bush years and called us traitors.

      2. Rand Paul was invited and sat at a table with Sandra Fluke (no word on whether she tried to get free medical care).

    2. That was delicately embroidered into Lucy’s dress, along with similar statements. That’s why, under legal counsel, reason will not post a photo.

  17. Here’s some grade-A stoopid:…..o&ir=Yahoo

    But then, Cenk Uygur’s grocery-shopping lists are probably as bad as anything else he writes.

    1. The article wasn’t so bad. He basically says that he thought the President was funny and charming, but he couldn’t help but think of all the people in other countries who are dead because of the guy, and how the DC Press Corp being chummy with the administration is “not the exception, it’s now the rule” which he thought was pretty sad.

      1. Cenk is a candyass. He has a candyass following.

        He’s a liberal, in other words.

        1. I despise Cenk but he was a Republican until the Bushpigs came along.

        2. Candyass, liberal, whatever. His article was on target, it just didn’t hit it very hard.

          1. And if shrike hates the guy, he must have done SOMETHING right.

          2. He’s a fan of Obama, shrike, as are you.

            1. Cenk hates Obama. Obama is too free-market for Cenk. Obama refused to nationalize the banks.

              Cenk thinks the banks robbed America with the Bushpigs via TARP and Obama wouldn’t do anything about it.

              TARP fucked this country up in the head. The Teabaggers and OWS idiots agree on that.

              1. You know who else nationalized the banks?

                1. Besides the Bushpigs?

                  1. You know who else wanted socialized healthcare?

                    1. You’re half-right, but you left out “and Obama”.

                      Then again, you have a spoo-covered pic of Barry under your bed, so it’s not surprising you’re covering for him.

        3. But at least he’s pretty.

  18. As hard as it might be stomach that vomitous ooze would going “full asshole” at a function like that – just standing up and drunkenly shouting obscenities from one’s table – advance libertarianism or…retard it? Maybe it would just make it that much easier to dismiss libertarianism as a serious critique of the status quo. “Oh, there are the libertarians again….who said we could bring our chilren?” Otoh, if a libertarian comedian was invited to speak and had the opportunity to go Colbert on Obama, then I’d say that’s the time and the place.

    1. Well said.

    2. No, going FULL ASSHOLE wouldn’t be good for advancing libertarianism (not that that’s my job, especially since I’m not a libertarian). Which is why I would never attend such a function. I was merely commenting on Lucy’s superhuman (to me) ability to remain calm and civil in that room, and pointing out that there’s no way I could. I’d have to leave or my disgust and contempt would cause me to hulk out and go FULL ASSHOLE.

      1. The Press Corps would have signaled the Secret Service to have you frog-marched to the back alley, to receive a bullet in the head, Epi.

    3. I listen to Doug Stanhope, the only Libertarian comedian that can pass the purity test, and he hasn’t gone Colbert on Obama yet in private.

      I need to check his recent history though.

      Of course Doug offered to pay for Bristol Palin’s abortion. The conservo-purity crowd here would spit on Doug for that.

      Doug even ran for POTUS as LP.

      Warning – not for conservatives!

      1. I’m surprised you can listen to him, shrike… he’s not Team Blue-y enough, after all.

        1. Just listened to some recent Stanhope.

          He is like I am – hates the GOP first and foremost as they hate freedom the most.

          1. as they hate freedom the most.

            [citation required]

            How many people did Bush murderdrone? How many wars did Obama end? How many more has he started? How many prisons in Cuba has Obama closed? How many drugs has he legalized? How many immigrants has he deported compared to Bush? How many times did Bush’s EPA or DoI prevent people from using their private property compared to Obama?

            Fuck you, shrike. They both hate freedom equally because they are both full of cunts.

            1. Funny how shrike never blames Team Blue for anything… he’s like that idiot “wen” that used to post here – “get rid of only the GOP, there is no other source of evil” blah blah blah.

              1. Why would he? He doesn’t give a flying fuck about right or wrong. All he cares about is his team having power at the expense of the other guys. He’s a disingenuous cuntrag that’s not worthy of our discourse.

                1. Maybe my real name is Stanhope. I may run again, btw.

                  1. If your name is Stanhope, it’s merely a coincidence.

                    Shrikey-poo, I served with Doug Stanhope, I knew Doug Stanhope, Doug Stanhope was a friend of mine. Shrikey-poo, you’re no Doug Stanhope.

                    1. If I were Stanhope, I’d track shrike down and punch him in the face.

                      Hell, I’d do it if I were me.

                2. As long as it’s his Team, which is the blue one.

  19. *to stomach* verb, infinitive.

    1. Nice sentiments, but… being nice has gotten us nowhere, Huck.

      Team Red is always going to hate us because we’re not War on Behavior-y enough for them, and Team Blue is always going to hate us because we’re not socialist-y and PC-ish enough to suit their tastes.

      How much longer should we pretend to be nice to them?

  20. their daily inability to be as ruthless and watchdogish as they should be

    Ah, yes, the watchdoge, who was poled along the canals of renaissance Venice, looking for lawbreakers.

    (I twit you on the occasional infelicity because I respect your abilities as a writer.)

    1. That’s what she said.

      1. Or he. NTTAWWT. Anal Vanneman strikes again with such pity wit.

  21. Bravo Lucy, bravo.

  22. Lucy, you disappoint me. I expected some salty ham tears comment and maybe Karger’s baffled (or aghast) reaction

    let’s be honest, is there a comedian alive who would treat a Democrat the way Colbert treated Bush?

    Exactly. This is part of what makes Gawker’s smug rant infuriating. As if the press and media was always this impartial judge of objectivity–a “watchdog” as Gawker calls it–and boohoo we’re now ruining it with all the celebs *rolls eyes*

    On the other hand, most of those bigwigs’ being enamored with the president just seems to be a reflection of some people… I mean, the youtube comments on the CSPAN video. Ugh. I am amazed… seriously, Barry’s reality distortion field is larger and stronger than I expected.

  23. Good job as usual, Lucy, and thanks for taking one for the team.

    Your description sounds exactly like I thought it would be. Therefore, I agree with it, and it MUST be exactly like that!

    But, no, seriously….thanks for taking one for the team.

    PS I really, really, really, really wish you had spilled your drink on Napolitano. Next year…

  24. If Kimmel had any sense of humor, he would have gone up to the podium and yelled “The President is near!” and simply walked off stage.

  25. Compared to the previous Obama toadies, Kimmel was Don Rickles.

    1. He forgot to wish death on conservative talk radio hosts though.

  26. Colbert the character is an Obama-fellating fuck. And unfunny. And obnoxious. And a coward.

    Whether Colbert the man is different is difficult to say. He is a papist, so maybe he is. He never breaks character, you see, so his slavering devotion to all things liberal is difficult to evaluate, although I suspect it’s genuine. He’s so much smarter than me, as evidenced by his celebrity. To criticize his act is to be not young and not hip and therefore old and evil and stupid.

    Thanks for the write-up, Lucy. You are smart, and not cynical, and I appreciate that. I forgive you for being younger than my daughter.

    1. You’re an idiot. Colbert the character is a Bill O’Reilly Fox News parody of conservatism.

      Anti-Science, smug, poorly educated, fixated on the Word of the Day, Christian ethics, and race.

      1. And Colbert is the 180-degree version of O’Reilly, in his personal life.

        Which is just as loathsome.

        1. Colbert says he doesn’t let his kids watch his show because he doesn’t want to confuse them (read: they are too stupid to understand satire.)

    2. shrike is an Obama-fellating fuck”

      FIFY’d. No charge.

  27. Damn Steigey, what contest did you lose to have to cover this statist fuckfest? Remind me to buy you a drink the next time I’m in DC.

    1. Like Ann Coulter I bet Lucy prefers liberal men where it counts.

      What kind of woman wants a Santorum or Gingrich?

      1. I am starting to wonder if shrikey-poo secretly wants to fuck Santorum. He is like homophobes who are secretly gay.

        1. I’ll bet shrike prefers liberal men where it counts, as well.

          1. I’ll bet you and GOP Senator Larry Craig once toe-tapped in an airport Men’s Room.

            1. I have never, and never will, have sex with men.

              Tell us what it’s like.

              1. On the other hand… don’t. Tony already did that, years ago.

  28. Off-topic: Judge rules Facebook “likes” are not protected speech:…..-judge.ars

    1. Looks to me like the judge just said the plaintiffs were unable to prove this was used as a decider when they were terminated.

      Just because someone knows your opinions may support their opposition in an election doesn’t mean they used that to determine who they would retain and who they would terminate. Based on that, I have no problem with this decision. As a matter of fact, the judge would have been better if he ruled more broadly and said the new Sheriff was free to hire and fire employees at will just like in the private sector.

      1. This case makes me confuse. Will the FEC be regulating Facebook “likes” in the future?

        1. Ideas. We don’t need to give them any more.

  29. “Chris Christie, Kevin Spacey, and Bret Baier of Fox News hobnobbing with Newt and Callista Gingrich”

    So that’s what the kids are calling it these days.

    1. Sounds gay.

      1. NTTAWT, if that’s your bag.

        Can we get shrike to call a ruling on the hobnobbing question?

        1. Your party has the gay obsession. I don’t care what you Santorums do.

          1. I’ve been voting LP almost exclusively for well over a decade, pussyboy.

            Try again.

            1. shrike|4.29.12 @ 10:02PM|#

              I’ll bet you and GOP Senator Larry Craig once toe-tapped in an airport Men’s Room.

            2. Fuck you.

              I voted LP 1988-2000 until I had to vote against the Bushpig Fascist Party.

              Until the GOP runs out the Birchers again I will vote against them.

              1. “had to”

                At least I’ve never voted for a Democrat or a Republican for president in the general election…

                1. “I voted LP 1988-2000 until I had to vote against the Bushpig Fascist Party”

                  Hey, dumbfuck… NOT voting for Republicans is the same as “voting against the Bushpig blah blah blah”

                  You gave up and voted for Team Blue. *I* stuck with the LP when you were supporting the Watered-Down Socialist Party of America.

                  In fact, I actually started not voting for Rs and Ds when Perot came along, so it’s been longer than that. So, again… fuck you, traitor.

      2. Kevin Spacey is gay.

  30. Mr FIFY, are you going to the LP convention in Vegas this coming week? Are any other reasonoids? Banjos and I are trying to get seated with the CA delegation. We’ll know tomorrow whether or not we’re going.

    If any of you are up for it, let us know. We’ll all have to get together.

    1. I’d love to, but I have to work.

  31. Traffic was pretty miserable heading into DC (pretty late) on Friday night? Is this why? Or is the Balt-Wash corridor a shitstorm every Friday night? It was ok heading out this morning.

    1. Just proof that it’s easier to flush shit out of a toilet than it is to pump it into one.

      1. This might be the best explanation. I got a little lost on Friday night and ended up circling the Kennedy Center. So glad the dinner wasn’t there.

        1. I could have used Suki’s NoVa insights to get me to my destination……

  32. Good Job Lucy. I see you drew the short straw to go on this circle-jerk fest. I hope Tim gave you an extra day off.

  33. Not sure why I never thought of that lol.

  34. Kimmel got off some good ones. And a few bad ones.

    1. Mostly bad.

      1. What’s black and white and read all over? Nothing, ha ha!

  35. I still want a picture of the dress!

  36. I wish I’d read this on Sunday so I’d have more weekend time to ponder this article. That said, I think this piece just made Lucy my favorite writer on Reason, now.

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