Romney Already Raising General Election Cash, Obama Trashes Paul Ryan Budget, Felipe Calderon Says U.S. Should Re-Up Assault Weapons Ban: P.M. Links

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  • Mitt "sigh, I guess him" Romney already raising general election money. And he hasn't won today's primaries yet, but nobody seems very interested in remembering that except Rick Santorum.

  • Alleged Oakland gunman was teased about his poor English skills, was angry about being expelled from the school that he massacred on Monday.
  • President Obama thinks Paul Ryan's budget plan is "thinly veiled social Darwinism." Which would make actual, serious budget-cutting…cannibalism?
  • Mexico President and king of the cartel-crackdown Felipe Calderon asks U.S. to re-up ban on assault weapons.
  • The end of "free Mumia"? The former death row inmate may have to settle into life in jail after losing his last appeal.
  • Romney is like your Grandpa, except not! Because your Grandpa never did the skeleton (which is like scarier luge) this one time! And also made a writer of inane articles do it too. Oh man, so crazy.
  • Creepy mystery graphic about terror coming back to NYC creeps out everyone; no evidence of real plot.

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  1. Which would make actual, serious budget-cutting…Cannibalism?

    I think Obama said something about Ryan’s budget being like environmental terrorism. So, something worse than that.

  2. NEW YORK (AP) ? A mock movie poster warns al-Qaida wants to return to New York City, but authorities say there’s no evidence of an actual threat.

    I say there’s a real threat. A threat of giving Michael Bay movie ideas.

    1. We should bomb Iran now, just to head off that threat.

      1. Bombing Bay would be easier.

    2. Bay won’t care, unless al-Qaida is coming from outer space.

  3. Calderon can go fuck himself. He knows damn well that the cartels get most of their guns from his army.

    1. Maybe he means we should ban sales of assault weapons to the Mexican Army.

      1. Nonsense. He means we need to stopping giving them away to the cartels for free. It’s cutting into his revenue.

    2. And now he wants to stop selling them while the army restocks.

    3. You know, I can see where a few guns are getting smuggled into Mexico but the kinds of weapons that the cartel soldiers seem to be using aren’t the kinds of guns you can just buy at a gun show and drive home with. The notion that straw purchasers are buying thousands of full auto firearms and shipping them across the border is outright risible. Frankly, I doubt that the traffic in handguns, which is much more plausible, is more than a drop in the bucket compared to the number of weapons that are disappearing from Army and Police armories and are being imported by the cartels from China.

      It may well be that most of the firearms used in the murders originated in the USA. But it’s a fair bet that they went through the Mexican government as gifts from our government.

      But, you know, Mexico’s strict gun laws have been so effective, haven’t they?

    4. From my cold, dead hands Calderon!
      If you want em, come get em – bullets first!
      When guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns.

      Cliches can stop gun-grabbers, right?

    5. Calderon can go fuck himself. He knows damn well that the cartels get most of their guns from his army.

      A filthy lie. It’s not like the 150,000 Mexican soldiers who defected to the cartels took their expensive, U.S. manufactured weaponry with them. That’s just crazy talk.

    6. No one wants a new “assault weapons” ban more than the guns manufacturers. They sold more of those guns in the run up to that legislation than there were in circulation prior to that. Not to mention the only impact was they had to eliminate bayonet lugs and flash suppressors and they kept selling those exact same guns without those accesories. It was a really good idea banning the bayonet lugs though with all the bayoneting that goes on in the hood. Clearly Schumer and Feinstein saved many many lives with that POS legislation. I’m guessing they didn’t really care as long as they got all of that money from stupid sheep that bought into it.

      1. Briar patch? Say it ain’t so. Not that I just happen to have an SKS with 12″ spike sitting right here or anything…

      2. That’s kind of retarded. While threats of an AWB sell boatloads of guns, an ACTUAL ban would be extremely risky; there would be no guarantee that the ban would sunset or be repealed or that it’d be completely cosmetic like the last one, so they could end up forfeiting a LOT of long term profits for some short term game. I doubt that the manufacturers are that stupid.

      3. They can’t keep up with existing demand. No, they are perfectly happy not having a ban in place. The spike in sales prior to a ban would be nowhere near enough to justify the loss in sales in the long term.

  4. Seriously, you accept advertising from Ben Cardin’s campaign? WTF?

    1. I don’t think they have any direct control over which ads they run; I believe they contract with a service which places ads on political blogs. The service also seems to pick up on key words, ie the Solyndra articles were often served with ads for solar power companies, etc.

      1. And as several people frequently point out, it only costs the advertisers money. So you should always click on the ads from groups you oppose. Or get an ad blocker.

        1. I clicked on Lizzie Warren’s ads a few times. Sherrod Brown’s campaign just shows up, and I got a click on that, too.

      2. I have to admit, I particularly liked the ad for bullet proof vests.

    2. Believe me, when the adbots gain sentience, I’ll know because they’ll be telling me to click the Palmer-Cash ad if I ever want to see it again. That poor model seems to have a problem with her left arm and difficulty buttoning the shirt with just her right. I could help her into or, even better, out of, that shirt if she needs help.

  5. How Mitt Romney sent me on frightening real-life thrill ride

    When I hear TV pundits say Mitt Romney plays it safe and can’t inspire passion, I have to disagree. He led me to become personally terrified.

    And chuckled before he did it. So did his wife Ann.

    Someone’s finally done it. Someone went and wrote an article in the voice of Seamus the dog.

    1. Noooooo, why didn’t I think of that joke?

      Everyone, I quit. Meet associate editor Fist, he’ll take it from here.

      1. “Only human.”

      2. If this was yesterday when I wasn’t a big time, registered user, you could have just taken it as your own.

        1. You’ve changed, Fist. Back in Ohio, you were a struggling song writer with a banjo and a dream. But now that you’ve done got yourself all registered, you’ve changed, man.

          1. THAT’S A DAMNED LIE! It was Western Pennsylvania.

    2. *slow clap*

  6. One Mitt to rule them all, One Mitt to find them, One Mitt to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them

  7. Another immigrant mass killing, isn’t diversity grand?!?!?!

    1. Yeah, something like this never would have happened in Korea…

    2. Wow, you’re a fucking asshole.

    3. Just so you know why, Mallory?

      If there’s anything second amendment champions don’t need, it’s being associated with anti-immigrant jackass idiots.

      Thanks for nothing.

      No, seriously. Nothing would have been much better than that.

    4. This is a good example of a poster which does not need the banhammer, but is nonetheless highly ignorant.

  8. TeaBag lunacy reaches new level – Fox News anchor claims Obama plotted to kill Chelsea Clinton:

    http://livewire.talkingpointsm…..plotted-to

    to “silence” Bill and Hillary.

    Look for white trash website Free Republic to run with this “news”.

    1. That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. Bill and Hillary would never let the threat of their daughter’s murder keep them from exercising power.*

      *No, I don’t believe for a second it happened. American politics, for all its faults, isn’t played this way by anyone.

      1. I agree that the Clinton’s were power hungry, no doubt.

        Bill I like more every day though. No one ever used the term “unitary executive” when he was president.

        1. Perhaps we need more presidents whose unappealing wives and compulsive womanizing makes them weak and beholden to congress.

          1. Hey, I like Ben Franklin — among other womanizers.

            Better than a Savanorola GOP type any time.

    2. Yeah but Fox is still covering up the plot to kill Goedesky.

  9. “Alleged Oakland gunman was teased about his poor English skills”

    “Say hello to my leetil fren’.”

    1. Laf moa, now I got gun bang bang yoo ded.

      1. You and me, buddy. Laughing all the way to hell.

        1. What I love is how all the news outlets are still referring to this guy as “the suspect”. I don’t recall the last person to go on a shooting spree in Afghanistan being given the benefit of the doubt.

          1. I’m sure the last person to go on a shooting spree in Afghanistan wasn’t even reported on in the legacy media, much less identified without benefit of an “allegedly”.

          2. Big difference between civil law and the UCMJ.

            1. Maybe to the media, not to me. And I don’t remember Riggs giving the guy the obligatory “alleged” last week or whenever it was.

    2. “What you lookin at? You all a bunch of fuckin assholes. You know why? You dont have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin fingers and say, ‘Thats the bad guy.'”

      1. Unka chalee comin to git yoooooo…

  10. Drama going on in the ‘Community’. Chevy Chase left this on the show’s creator’s voice mail:

    http://www.wwtdd.com/2012/04/t…..re-1010992

    I hope you’re ready to take your medicine, you fat fuck. You didn’t give us a script to begin with, so nobody knew what the fuck was going on during the week. Second of all, your goddamn bad writing, shit stinko fuck, was an abomination; and your writing is getting worse, so suck my cock. I don’t get talked to like that by anybody, certainly not in front of my wife and daughter, you goddamn asshole; alcoholic, fat shit.
    You’re gonna live to be about 57, if you’re lucky, the way you eat. I have nothing to say to you except you can suck my cock. Is that clear?

    1. Awesome rant.

    2. No, no, that was my voicemail to NutraSweet. Sorry about the confusion.

      1. You’re married?

    3. Too bad, I like his character on the show. Of course, NBC could always choose Chase over Harmon, I suppose.

      1. They’re just running out the clock anyway.

      2. The article says the cast backed Chase on this, so I’m inclined to believe that he left taping early out of genuine frustration with an incompetent production of the season finale.

      3. It could also all be a mind-fuck. Harmon is extremely fond of meta-shannigans.

        1. An Andy Kaufman stunt? That would be interesting.

          1. No, that would be awesome.

    4. Amazing.

    5. Whatever Chevy. You haven’t been funny in a long,long time.

      1. Ah, contraire, he has only gotten funnier over time. That talk show he once did for Fox. Pure genius. Sucked up millions of bucks from Murdoch and all he did was show up. Pure genius.

        1. Where does that put Magic Johnson?

          1. At the top, baby. How did you know about my super secret Magic Johnson fandom blog?

            1. Your love of horrible talk shows left me with no other choices. 😀

            2. What about your John McEnroe fan blog?

              1. I made a new vid for it over the week end of me in top hat and tails singing, ‘Do wah, do wah, do wad diddy, let me tell you about the boy from New York City! He’s kind of tall . . .’

                Let me tell you, it sparkles. Just needs a little more editing.

    6. Why is everyone accepting this as real? Other than the world knows Chevy is a dick? Seems like a stunt to me.

      1. You know PL, all this talk we do about politics has made you truly cynical. I like to think of Hollywood as a sordid place where everyone truly hates each other. Don’t burst my baloon, man!

        1. Bubble. Not balloon. In my defense, the liquor store is around the corner and open until 9 PM.

    7. My longstanding admiration of Chevy Chase has been validated.

      1. It’s funny how great he’s been–Fletch, Vacation, Caddyshack–and how not great he is now. He got a little too serious, I think.

        1. I don’t know what happened, maybe yo’re right. It’s the roles you just listed that made him a mainstay of my chilhood/teen years. And by damn, that’s how I choose to remember him!

          1. Got the whole fist in there, doc?

            1. Got the whole fist in there, doc?

              OK, I need to rent that now.

              1. I caught a few minutes of it not too long ago and thought the same thing. Wonder if the kids are ready to join the Fletch family?

                1. Did you name any of your kids Calculus or Trigonometry, Pro’L Dib?

                2. I caught a few minutes of it not too long ago and thought the same thing. Wonder if the kids are ready to join the Fletch family?

                  It’s never too early to introduce a youngster to the wonders of Fletch!

        2. Honestly, everyone in Hollywood has a “Chevy Chase being a mega-dick” story. I mean, once in the late 80s on SNL, he wanted the one openly gay cast member to appear in a sketch as an AIDs patient, being weighed on a scale and losing weight each time.

          I think its that people eventually said, “We could cast Chevy in this, but I don’t want to work with that dick.” Bill Murray, on the other hand, who Chase apparently dislikes, is apparently pretty good to work with.

          1. It sure looked the cast had fun shooting with him in Zombieland.

    8. So Chevy Chase desires fellatio from an obese, alcoholic man?

  11. I thought Mumia died a few years ago.

    Am I confusing him with somebody else?

    1. Could be. A lot of people died a few years ago.

      1. Ouch, I deserved that.

        Upon doing some research, it seems I was confusing Mumia with “Tookie,” who was executed in 2005.

    2. You’re thinking of Pol Pot who died not a few years ago, but fourteen years ago. How time flies.

      1. Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like bananas 🙂

        1. Are you Asian, gaijin? because that was inscrutable. Just don’t shoot me for the stereotypes, okay. I’m just a poor beaner, after all.

        2. Wait. Lol! Just read that again, now I get it. That was funny.

  12. The president said that if the cuts were spread out evenly it would mean cuts in aid to millions of college students, the slashing of medical and scientific research grants and over 200,000 children losing early places in school. The department of justice would have less money to combat violent and financial crimes.

    “Two million mothers and young children would be cut from a programme that gives them access to healthy food,” he said. “We wouldn’t have the capacity to enforce the laws that protect the air we breathe, the water we drink or the food that we eat.

    This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to speed up and our planet began to, um, do the opposite of heal.”

    1. This man has no class and no shame.

    2. Re: Fist of Etiquette,

      The president said that if the cuts were spread out evenly it would mean cuts in aid to millions of college students[…]

      Imagine – millions of drunks suddenly bereft of beer money! Oh, the horror! The horror!

      1. That’s the kind of flipness that will balance the budget on the backs of the 99%.

      2. Think of the liberal arts colleges. Enrollment decimated as students seek actual skills from community colleges and apprenticeship programs. The horror!

        1. We might be left with a dire shortage of gender studies authorities at a critical point.

  13. “Alleged Oakland gunman was teased about his poor English skills, was angry about being expelled from the school that he massacred on Monday.”

    I wanna have a look at this kid’s creative-writing homework. I’m sure there were some warning signs in there.

    1. I’m pretty sure that you’ll find that the whole thing was somehow Sarah Palins fault.

    2. I’m pretty sure that you’ll find that the whole thing was somehow Sarah Palins fault.

      1. I see registration has not scared off the squirrels.

  14. The GOP: The only party that could give Obama a chance to win a second term

  15. Romney is like your Grandpa, except not! Because your Grandpa never did the skeleton (which is like scarier luge) this one time! And also made a writer of inane articles do it too. Oh man, so crazy.

    Yes, but did he ski the K-12? And can he make a monster eggnog with lighter fluid?

    1. The K-12, dude. You make a gnarly run like that and girls will get sterile just looking at you.

      1. Two. Dollars.

        1. (hands Brett the book “How to pick up Trashy Women”)

          1. Aww, I wanted the other one (“Build a Space Shuttle in Your Own Home”?)

      2. Do you realize the street value of this entire mountain?!

        1. She only speaks French, Doc. She doesn’t speak imbecile.

          1. You mean “tenticles”. With an “N”. Big difference, there.

          2. I’m sorry I blew up your mom, Ricky.

            1. Guess she won’t be eating any spicy foods for a while.

              (And it’s “Gee, I’m real sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.”)

              1. Sorry, I’ve only watched it once in the past year. After seeing it at least a dozen in previous years. I’ll do better next time.

                1. I see you still have a great fear of tools.

                2. Buck up, little camper; we’ll beat that quote…together.

                  1. Huh…I would have never thought to watch that movie until hearing those quotes.

                    1. If you haven’t seen Better Off Dead, you need to immediately.

                    2. I will definately check it out. Thanks for the tip.

                    3. If something gets in your way…

  16. Wasn’t social darwinism a progressive thing? Fuck Obama.

    1. No, Herbert Spencer is still considered a proto-libertarian. However, anyone who actually read Social Statics or Spencer’s others works would be surprised at the lack of cruelty therein. Especially compared to the mental images the phrase “Social Darwinism” evokes in those who completely lack any knowledge of Spencer.

      Clearly, he should have beaten more orphans.

    2. Yes, it was a progressive thing, in the sense that the straw man everyone is familiar with was actually invented by Richard Hofstadter.

      1. Well, Keynes gave up his lifelong belief in eugenics in 1946.

  17. It must just kill people that Sarah Palin has a sense of humor. Katie Couric, meanwhile, is all srs bzns as guest host at ABC.

    “Oh geez, Matt. The nicest lady in the world, she stopped me, asked me where I was heading. I said 30 Rock and she said, ‘Oh honey, I told you, Tina Fey is here’,” Palin said, as the set broke out into laughter.”

    1. I agree that Sarah Palin has been unfairly maligned. She only deserved about 80% of the shit thrown at her.

      She is still angling for the GOP nom though. She just does not want to earn it (in true Palin form).

      1. In all honestly, I don’t see why she’d want to be in office. She’s more effective and more powerful as a GOP minister without portfolio.

        1. Her SNL appearance was superb when she loosened up some.

          She is superstar if she had the right PR team.

          1. Still fapping to her, eh Shrieky Baby?

            1. I’ve fucked many ditzy bitches like Sarah. They just didn’t have a cultish following.

              (see, John, conservative whackjob on H&R)

              1. I’ve fucked many ditzy bitches like Sarah. They just didn’t have a cultish following.

                The ditzy followed the ruffies. It wasn’t their fault. Tell me, do you Intrade your dates?

              2. I always thought I detected a history between you and John, shriek.

              3. Wow. Your pathetic bullshit bragging knows no bounds. Tell us again how much money you make and how much of an expert you are in markets, shrill.

        2. For a while I gave her the benefit of the doubt, because she inspired such insanity in the left. But now I think she’s just a whore (figuratively) like the rest of ’em.

          1. Well yeah. Just a little more self-aware than most. And with just the right personality for keeping her knives sharp to stick her enemies with when given a chance. That’s the part I guess I like. By 2016 she will have carefully and steadily gutted everyone who has taken a shot at her since 2008. Whether that advances my political interests or not is a different matter entirely.

  18. Alleged Oakland gunman was teased about his poor English skills…

    I sense a bias intimidation defense.

  19. Obama seems to confuse Social Darwinism with actual Darwinism. Not to mention that that is a pretty ridiculous criticism of a budget that doesn’t actually cut spending.

    1. No, the GOP practices Social Darwinism by making hourly workers support Medicare when those same workers cannot obtain similar services.

      1. See my 5:03 comment above regarding people who don’t feel it necessary to read a work in order to have an opinion on it.

        1. I read your 5:03.

          Usually I can connect something. Not this time.

          1. Spencer focused on how competition in a free society encouraged people to try different things, start businesses, etc. He likened the process to evolutionary mutations that are helpful. Yet modern liberals who use the term exclusively misuse it, referencing “survival of the fittest” bullshit, when Spencer went out of his way to emphasize benevolence.

            1. I’m good with that.

              Thanks for replying.

  20. The president said that if the cuts were spread out evenly it would mean cuts in aid to millions of college students,

    Which would force the schools to either bounce out their little cash cows or reduce the cost per credit hour.

    How do those demand curve thingies work, again?

    the slashing of medical and scientific research grants

    Naturally, it is an appropriate function of government to take money from one group of people and give it to the properly credentialled in the name of SCIENCE!

    and over 200,000 children losing early places in school.

    Not even sure what the fuck this is about.

    The department of justice would have less money to combat violent and financial crimes.

    Those marijuana dispensaries won’t raid themselves.

  21. I would like to congratulate all the charter members of the Hit & Run Commenters Club. I think at this point it’s probably safe to close off registration.

    1. I think we should expand it slowly- invite only or something like that.

      Thus, HnR becomes the next Facebook.

    2. …and begin distributing titles of nobility.

      1. Awesome!

  22. “Republicans may say well we’ll avoid some of these cuts, since they don’t specify exactly the cuts they would make. But they can only avoid some of these cuts if they cut even deeper in other areas. This is math.”

    For some strange reason, I felt the urge to punch my monitor when I read that.

    1. Wow. Just… huh?

    2. This is Spinal Tap!

    3. This! is my territory, bitch!

  23. Funny – registration makes me want to comment more. I think I’ve racked up like 10 posts in 10 years under this handle…

    (and of course, The Other Kevin had to post right above me)

  24. Planned Parenthood of Texas would apparently rather close clinics than accept money from someone they think is icky:

    http://jezebel.com/5898721/tuc…..-publicity

    1. Can they both destroy each other?

    2. So Tucker has given up on the retail model and is now funding abortions wholesale?

      1. It makes sense, from a business perspective. Now he gets a tax break on ’em.

    3. The shitty part is that when the Texas clinics are forced to closed cut back services, the feminists will whine about how unfair this is and how this hurts women’s healthcare.

      I don’t think that the feminist realize that even if we get the universal healthcare that their liberalism demands, there is not way in hell that it will fund abortions, except in cases where the mother’s life is threatened. No amount of sagely nodding to your fellow leftist travellers about how “Abortion is healthcare” will change that.

      1. You’re kidding yourself. Abortion is the **last** thing that will be cut.

  25. The downside of the registration system is that many important celebrities will no longer be using my computer to post their witty comments here. For shame!

    1. An improved and far more cosmotarian (in a good way!) system would allow these celebrities to borrow my account temporarily with their own screen names.

      1. They can. click on the “BoscoH” in “You are currently logged in as BoscoH.”

        1. Well paint me grain and call me Shirley. Alec Baldwin just breathed a massive fart^H^H^H^Hsigh of relief.

  26. According to the Democrats, this means it’s OK to call her a cunt now:

    http://jezebel.com/5898730/san…..for-office

    1. Maybe it’s just me but for this particular woman, really, that first paragraph could have been done just a bit better.

  27. The flying car:

    http://news.yahoo.com/photos/f…..34833.html

    Finally! Although is looks like it probably drives like shit, and probably doesn’t fly that well either, it’s a start.

    1. It’s not a flying car until it folds into a briefcase that I can easily carry.

      1. Way to move the goal posts there.

        1. Considering that the goalposts were set in the 60s, I think I’m being more than reasonable.

  28. TSA saves Love Field from student science project.

    1. All the kid did was make a model of the current airport electrical source and add racing stripes.

  29. President Obama thinks Paul Ryan’s budget plan is “thinly veiled social Darwinism.”

    Something that tells you the president does not know what Darwinism means or entails… or for that matter, social anything.

    1. He knows. It’s just that (a) he thinks we’re all idiots, and (b) he’s a dick.

    2. He thinks it’s that Darwin Awards list thing.

  30. Mexico President and king of the cartel-crackdown Felipe Calderon asks U.S. to re-up ban on assault weapons.

    “Because our own prohibition on gun ownership has been such a great success!”

    By the way, our Constitution guarantees the right of every Mexican to possess a gun – except where the law prohibits it.

    I. Kid. You. Not.

    1. Which, as I understand y’alls gun laws, is everywhere.

      Of course, I also read an article that said the police were the major source of pistols in the country, which amused me greatly.

  31. Today’s protest is tomorrow’s Regretsy offering…

    http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=…..odels.wfaa

    1. Wouldn’t a uterus just me an awkward looking bag?

      1. Wtf? Did you leave out the word “make”?

        1. My typing is off today.

    1. Tha fuck was going on there? Why did cops respond to a medical alert?

  32. If you’re angry at a school that expels you after you massacre them, I think you’re expecting a bit much.

  33. Alleged Oakland gunman was teased about his poor English skills, was angry about being expelled

    You know, in all honesty, my experience with the Korean community in the Bay Area is extremely negative. As in, one of my friends being given the silent treatment by all members of her church — including formerly close friends — for dating the guy the pastor’s daughter liked. This isn’t teenage girl BS, these are 30 year-old women. And it’s lasted for three years. She lost most of her best friends, and my God, she’s the nicest woman I’ve ever met.

    She also had to leave her apartment after receiving threats from a Korean girl across the street that she was looking at her the wrong way.

    So, yeah. The Bay Area Korean community is often not open, but more judgmental and condescending than the general population. That’s not justification for hurting anyone, but I can see how it would cause an already messed-up person to snap.

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