Newt Gingrich Also Writes Crappy Novels
At The Wall Street Journal, Vice managing editor and former Reason staffer Michael C. Moynihan surveys the "clotted sentences and cringe-inducing sex scenes" that almost invariably follow when politicians attempt to write fiction. Among the worst offenders, Moyhihan observes, are former Defense Secretary William Cohen and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich:
If these books by authors from different sides of the aisle share a common thread—besides turgid writing—it is a desire to use the novel to write ideological history. In "Blink of an Eye," Mr. Cohen spins a fantastical tale of a nuclear device that devastates Savannah, Ga., forcing a too-good-for-Washington president and his indefatigable aide to fight the forces of reaction—those knuckle-dragging American religious fanatics desperate to pin the attack on Iranian religious fanatics. You can probably guess the rest….
Mr. Gingrich is capable of howlers as well. Indeed, two pages into Mr. Gingrich's "Days of Infamy," his 2008 novelization of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, the reader finds President Franklin Roosevelt ruminating on Hirohito's act of aggression: "Our civilization must not lose this war, or it would be, indeed, as Winston Churchill said, 'a thousand years of darkness.' " Perhaps Mr. Gingrich's FDR possessed the power of time travel, for the quote attributed to Churchill was actually spoken by Ronald Reagan in 1964. But to Mr. Gingrich it is the didacticism anchoring his books in specific moments in history—especially those periods or episodes viewed as morally unambiguous, like World War II or the Civil War—that matters most. The Gingrich novel-by-committee is thus more Captain America than Flashman.
Read the whole story here.
Editor's Note: As of February 29, 2024, commenting privileges on reason.com posts are limited to Reason Plus subscribers. Past commenters are grandfathered in for a temporary period. Subscribe here to preserve your ability to comment. Your Reason Plus subscription also gives you an ad-free version of reason.com, along with full access to the digital edition and archives of Reason magazine. We request that comments be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment and ban commenters for any reason at any time. Comments may only be edited within 5 minutes of posting. Report abuses.
Please
to post comments
So, lousy husband, lousy thinker, lousy historian, lousy fiscal conservative, and lousy novelist. What’s not to love?
Obviously, being terrible at everything makes him a perfect GOP candidate.
In other news, bound weapons in Skyrim are -the- way to go. Man I love free soul trap and infinite arrows.
I’ve eschewed bound weapons so far. I like ice storms, conjuring, and the occasional fireball. I just realized I could learn “Wall of Fire”, which intrigues me, as it was the spell of choice in Diablo.
In Oblivion, you could make bound weapons and armor permanent by improving them past 100%. Great for reverse pickpocketing good stuff into your pals.
Any way to do the same in Skyrim?
You know who else was a lousy novelist?
Me?
Oh yeah, right, you’re the lousy novelist.
And painter. Say, does anyone know how good is Newcular T with a brush? Or Etch-A-Sketch?
Hitler wrote a novel? Mein Gott, Ich Komme?
“The damn cigarettes were killing him. He had already crumpled up one pack of Lucky Strikes and pulled out of the second one, the reserve, hidden inside his breast pocket. He had long ago mastered how to do it with one hand, ‘the claw,’ as he called it, grasping the pack as he fished out a cigarette, putting it to his lips with his ‘real’ hand.”
–Pearl Harbor
That’s some ‘mighty fine’ writing.
“Exhaling softly, he suddenly thrust the claw into the gaping asshole of the former House Speaker who lay bound and gagged before him. Whimpers of pleasure and weak rectal spasms told him all he needed to know.”
I understand Newt was the throbbing member of congress.
“Now, ammunition gone, he could only watch as the second and then the third plane lifted off. Unlike the second plane, the third stayed lowe [sic] as the pilot pushed in just enough left rudder to cause the plane to crab onto the edge of the grass strip so that it passed by not twenty feet away from where Jim stood. Otto Skorzeny looked down, grinning demonically.
And James Martel finally understood the meaning of hatred.”
–1945
Martel? The Hammer?
I read that one. Mediocre and cartoonish although he got some extra credit for putting SF legend Otto Skorzeny as well as Alvin York in his silly story.
He also lives a crappy novel
As a fan of historical fiction like those from Harry Turtledove, I actually liked Gingirch’s historical novel “1945”.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1945_(1995_novel)
Of course like many things he seems to have done, it should have had a sequel but he changed his mind.
Never Call Retreat: Lee and Grant: The Final Victory
Newt engages in colon abuse.
Newt Gingrich Also Writes Crappy Novels
Well, shit — I guess I better not throw my political support his way, then. Goodness knows my estimation of an individual’s presidential ambitions depends heavily on their literary skills.
The site can’t do human interest on candidates but have to face exclusively on issues? That is a stupid sentiment. There are a few hundred thousand words posted on why he shouldn’t be president already so a few hundred devoted to his crappy extracurricular activities can’t really hurt now can it? Do you fail at everything as bad as you fail at sarcasm?
‘Focus on’ not ‘face on’ — can’t get the A=Team guy out of my head after all these years since I was a wee lass. What a hunk.
Not a Newt fan, but -as a Civil War historian myself – found his alternative history Civil War trilogy to be both believeable and fascinating.
Most novels stink.
However, I’d call World War II pretty much unambiguous, from the American, British, and French perspectives. The Soviets, not so much.
The only criticisms I can think of to lay against the western allies is that had action been taken sooner, the war would have been much, much smaller and less destructive. Had they waited any longer than they did, things only would have gotten worse. The Germans, for instance, were preparing for a long, drawn-out war and intended to conduct a build-up that they expected to last until 1945 or so in preparation for it. When the British and French declared war in response to the German/Soviet invasion of Poland, it was unexpected by the German leadership – Germany was not ready for it. It was the allies who lost the battle for France and the low countries, as the German invasion was far smaller in number and inferior in technology than mainstream, schoolbook history has generally described it since.
We still have almost 900 years of darkness left for much of the world.
Newt Gingrich is an idiot with a loud mouth and no real value to the USA…..he would cause more gaffs than positive value….Rick Santorum is just another snake charmer “Christian”, a holy roller in sweater vest, “full of sound and fury, signifying nothing: