European Union

Water is Not Really Water, EU Planners Decide

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As America drowns in deficits and debt, our elected leaders in Washington have been busy declaring a pizza a vegetable. And as Europe's economy crashes and burns, the European Union officials have concluded a three-year investigation and declared that water is not really water because it does not help combat dehydration. And any bottled water producer who claims otherwise will face two years in the slammer, reports the U.K's Telegraph:

The European Food Standards Authority (EFSA) held a meeting of 21 scientists in Parma, Italy, and concluded that "reduced water content in the body was a symptom of dehydration and not something that drinking water could subsequently control."

This puts the EFSA at odds with England's National Health Service where critics of the ruling are getting so red hot that they might have to call in the fire brigade to cool them down before they ignite, even though the EFSA has not yet ruled whether water has cooling properties. 

MEP Paul Nuttall pointed out that the ruling made laws banning bendy bananas and curved cucumbers look "positively sane."

Conservative MEP Roger Helmer called the EFSA's ruling stupidity writ large. "If ever there were an episode which demonstrates the folly of the great European project then this is it."

"I had to read this four or five times before I believed it," Helmer said. "It is a perfect example of what Brussels does best. Spend three years, with 20 separate pieces of correspondence before summoning 21 professors to Parma where they decide with great solemnity that drinking water cannot be sold as a way to combat dehydration."

Amen!

But so long as we are into warning labels, how about making Europe's nanny state bureaurcats wear labels noting "dangerous for liberty and intelligent thought."

H/T: Harold Ames

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  1. Freedom Is Slavery
    War Is Peace
    Water Isn’t Wet

    1. I’m wet…

    2. Yup, there goes another part of my “it’s obvious” statement. First, it was:

      “The sky is blue, water is wet and bananas are curved.”

      Then it became:

      “The sky is blue, water is wet and bananas are only curved to the extent allowed by the European Commission.”

      And now I’m down to:

      “The sky is blue, water may be wet but is not hydrating, and bananas are only curved to the extent allowed by the European Commission.”

      1. We are convening a committee and questioning a panel of leading experts regarding the claim that the sky is, in fact, blue.

        1. The sky is blue but not for long. We expect it to turn fiery red with the onset of Global Warming! Have you not seen the western sky in the evening? It’s already started!

    3. O’Brien: How many fingers am I holding up, Wylie?

      Wylie: I don’t know, I don’t know. You will kill me if you do that again. Four, five, six; In all honesty, I don’t know.

      O’Brien: Better.

      1. wylie???

        do you mean winston?

        1. oh i just realized the thread was started by wylie

          false alarm

    4. Props to Shikha Dalmia for beating Rush to this by a couple of hours!

  2. Once the countries of Europe were great. Their influence spread to vast territories. They traded with, and conquered, people all over the world. Their leader were respected or feared.

    And now this.

    1. and it appears that every stupid thing they have embarked upon, a segment of our population is eager to replicate as though the results will somehow be different.

  3. I already knew the world had gone nuts when the international symbol for “good idea” (if you were drawing a cartoon and wanted to show someone had a good idea, how would you do it?) was made illegal.

  4. Water doesnt put out fires because of its “cooling properties”. It does have a high heat capacity, meaning that it takes a relatively large amount of energy to change the temperature of water. This absorbs all of the excess thermal energy, meaning that you have to heat the water and change it to vapor before you can burn something wet.

    1. Your semantic acrobatics amount to saying “because of its cooling properties”.

      1. brett is satirizing the EU by imitating their absurdity

        and wow you’re really stupid

        1. Brett should have used the sarcasm font then. He should know better than to start spouting thermodynamic nonsense in present company.

          1. Brett should have used the sarcasm font then.

            No, you should seek treatment for your autism.

            1. You should seek treatment for your broken funny bone.

              1. My funny bone is broken? I’m not the one who has problems deciphering whether or not someone is being sarcastic.

          2. Chemical engineer. Thermodynamic nonsense is talking about water having some magical ability to reduce temperature instead of a structural ability to absorb a certain amount of energy before changing temperature and a much larger amount of energy to change state. In the specific example, liquid water is cooler than the combusting materiel, but you can’t assume these things. Being already oxidized, you usually have to drive off liquid water before burning anything. But run 99C water under to something that is hydrophobic with an ignition temperature of 55C that is in the presence of oxygen and see what happens to your floating layer.

            1. but you can’t assume these things

              Ok, depending on the context. The Air that most people have access to is at STP. Similarly, the bulk of the water that people have easy, plentiful, access to, is also at pretty standard temperatures and pressures.

              1. I’m unilaterally disarming. Agreed.

                1. Someone get this man a Nobel Peace Prize.

                  1. Why, has he not ended wars and started new ones?

                  2. Is he George Bush? No? Okay, sounds like he meets all the requirements then. One Noble Peace Prize on the way.

    2. You just argued quite effectively against your own point. Water has a cooling effect precisely because of its high specific heat.

      1. Hot water doesnt cool anything, its a very effective heat source. There is nothing inteinsically “cooling” about water.

        1. Even as steam, water tends to suffocate fires. (And if you get it hot enough to ionize, you haven’t got water any more.)

          AFAIK, only some of the group 1 elements can burn in water.

          1. I thought water put out fires by denying them an oxygen source for combustion. Not because it was “cooler” than the fire.

            1. It’s both actually. When the water contacts the burning material it begins absorbing heat. Once it reaches 100?C, it vaporizes pulling away additional heat, and the expanding steam then pushes free O2 away from the fuel source.

    3. And when something absorbs the heat from something else, what do we say it has done to the other substance? (hint: it starts with cool)

      1. Cool is a lack of heat and dark is a lack of light.

        1. Cool is a relative term, not the lack of heat. The core of a nuclear reactor is cooler than the sun. Neither lacks heat.

          1. You don’t contradict sarcasmic.

            “The core of a nuclear reactor has less heat than the sun” sounds good to me.

        2. fucking atomic energy, how does it work!!

      2. Coolidge? Cool Runnings? (try putting coola-, coolo-, etc into wikipedia. all the suggestions are places in Australia.)

        1. Ahh, Coolangatta on a summer’s day.

    4. http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_…..nder_water

      Fire requires fuel, heat, and oxygen. Water removes the oxygen.

      Coolin’ ain’t gots nuttin’ ta do wid it.

      1. For a completely submerged fire, sure.

        For a structure fire where only portions of the flames get watered at a time, wetting the structure to reduce its temperature stops the spread of the fire.

      2. Really? What happens when you spray water on an oil fire? Why is this a bad, bad, bad idea? What is the density of liquid water at 1atm and 100C, what is the density of water vapor at 1atm and 100C? What happens when you get isobaric expansion in the presence of excess heat?

        1. What happens when you get isobaric expansion in the presence of excess heat?

          In my experience, the test cell ruptures because someone hooked the thermocouple up backwards and the heater ran away as a result.

          1. Is it isobaric before the rupture?

    5. Okay, I’ve been enough of a dick about this. I’ll just lay down a blanket apology and walk away from the keyboard. Fucking grad school is turning me into a pedantic, argumentative dick. I suppose by the time I finish the degree, I’ll be completely indoctrinated to it. Sorry for being a jerk about this. I don’t disagree with anything said, just quibbling because I can. That goes doubly for Ms. Dalmia. Good article.

      1. +1 for the awezum thread

      2. Fucking grad school is turning me into a pedantic, argumentative dick.

        You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go to grad school”

        /Happily employed aerospace engineer and holder of a master’s from Cornell ’11

  5. The sky is not actually blue.
    It only appears that way because blue wavelengths are scattered by air.
    Anyone who declares that the sky is blue should be shackled and whipped for crimes against science.

    1. And it only appears blue at certain times of day, and under certain atmospheric conditions.

      1. under certain atmospheric conditions and geometric relations.

        I’m in the running for Pedant of The Year.

  6. our elected leaders in Washington have been busy declaring a pizza a vegetable

    Thanks for the link from this chat room to another chat room!

    Anyway, from what I gathered at that other chat room, it’s not pizza that has been declared a vegetable, but tomatoes, specifically condensed and concentrated tomatoes known as “tomato sauce.”

    I went there so you don’t have to.

    You’re welcome.

    1. which is actually a fruit

      1. Corn is actually a grain.

        1. Vegetable categorization is arbitrary and encompasses many different edible parts of a plant. Nothing is really incorrect.

          1. Nothing is really incorrect.
            ——————————
            and isn’t that really the point…

    2. Thank you

    3. It is made from a vegetable and there are studies that show a correlation with eating more tomato based products and lower prostate cancer. But, pizza is not really the healthiest food choice. I would not ban it, but it would be good if it was not offered as a choice every day (or even every week??)

      1. it would be good if it was not offered as a choice every day

        What now?

      2. And cooked tomatoes are more beneficial than raw; cooking them releases the healthy compounds which are better absorbed into the bloodstream.

        Not that the typically snarky statement “our elected leaders in Washington have been busy declaring a pizza a vegetable” is not the kind of cheesy [pun intended] propaganda we’ve come to expect from Ms. Dalmia.

    4. Sorry. I put the wrong link….Thanks for pointing out.

  7. The really fucked up part, besides the 1.5 million Euro cost, is the sycophants lining up to defend this shit on the flimsiest technical grounds. One asshole actually went with “Who are you going to believe, the companies that are trying to sell you water or Doctors?”

    But the entire basis for this fucking study is that a company that sells bottled water claimed on their bottles that drinking water prevents dehydration(!!!), which the EFSA claims is trying to imply that only bottled water prevents dehydration, so they can’t make that claim. On the plus side, hey, EFSA bureaucrats get a free trip to Italy!

  8. But don’t worry, the Euro technocrats will save Italy and Greece.

    1. Thanks, now I have to clean my screen of the diet Coke that spewed forth from my nostrils.

  9. As a physiologist, I can assure everyone that drinking a sufficient amount water does, in fact, prevent dehydration.

    1. Not in Europe though, their water is more enlightened and will not succumb to your silly American ways.

  10. Jesus effin’ Christ. Orwell would be laughing his ass off were he alive today.

    1. Because he’d be too dehydrated to cry, right?

  11. Wait, did the bottled water company think potential customers were unaware of this property of water? Stupid move by the EU, but who the fuck was this label supposed to target? holy shit, water! I haven’t had any and now thanks to this label on this water bottle I know to drink water when I get thirsty. I’m not sure which is dumber, thinking telling people water will help with dehydration will increase water sales or banning such a message.

    1. The article I read said that the case was cooked up by a pair of German law professors to test the limits of the EU’s labelling laws.

      Well, now they know there are no limits.

    2. I’m not sure which is dumber, thinking telling people water will help with dehydration will increase water sales or banning such a message.

      I’m sure a committee of Top Men could figure that out. THey might need to put on lab coats, just fyi.

    3. I gotta agree. If anything, this is a step beyond toothpick instructions.

  12. Water? Like from the toilet?? Drink Brawndo. It has electrolytes!

      1. Idiocracy sucked.

        1. Nuh uh, u sucks!

  13. reduced water content in the body was a symptom of dehydration and not something that drinking water could subsequently control

    One additional reason this is stupid is because this appears to address a claim that hasn’t been made.

    They appear here to be saying that once you are in a state of clinical dehydration, you can’t just drink bottled water and get better. And that sounds reasonable to me.

    But that’s not the claim the bottler is making. The bottler is telling you to drink water to avoid becoming clinically dehydrated in the first place. We aren’t discussing a treatment to “subsequently control” dehydration. We’re discussing “Stay hydrated to avoid becoming dehydrated.”

  14. It’s like saying that you can’t claim condoms fight pregnancy because if you fuck and then put the condom on it doesn’t work.

    1. I am sure they will be working on that next

      1. You’re right, we’ll issue a regulation right away, thanks Reason commenters!

        As for the bananas, my male member is too short to be curved – it’s just a tiny little stump – so of course I don’t want to be reminded of that fact with curvy bananas.

  15. The European Food Standards Authority (EFSA) held a meeting of 21 scientists in Parma, Italy, and concluded that “reduced water content in the body was a symptom of dehydration and not something that drinking water could subsequently control.”

    It’s almost like a parody of people like Tony on Global Warming Climate Change Alarmism TM, where they say they’re gonna believe the experts and scoff at any layperson who is applying common sense and thinking the theory that government must control all industry to save the planet doesn’t seem to conform to objective reality.

    1. The study was paid for by gatoraid.

  16. Reduced water content in the body is not a symptom of dehydration; it’s the definition of dehydration.

  17. Aresen|11.21.11 @ 12:20PM|#

    The article I read said that the case was cooked up by a pair of German law professors to test the limits of the EU’s labelling laws.

    Well, now they know there are no limits.

    … this has got to be it. There’s no other possible rational explanation how this even came to be….

    (of course how it actually went through is a different matter)

  18. our elected leaders in Washington have been busy declaring a pizza a vegetable.

    So Ronald Reagan was kind of right after all.

  19. Pizza is not a vegetable? Only some of the auxiliary ingredients do not come from plants. Pizza is lots of vegetables.

    1. Pizza is a fungi

      1. Especially in Chicago.

  20. “our elected leaders in Washington have been busy declaring a pizza a vegetable.”

    I stayed out of this the other day. But the ruling is actually that tomato paste is a vegetable. So pizza crust (bread), tomato paste (vegetable), and cheese (protein) in combination meets the federal regulations for a reimbursable meal.

  21. Nuke the European Union.

    With a hydrogen bomb.

    1. Hydrogenate the EU?

  22. Our wise overlords should hurry up and ban dihydrogen monoxide. People die from it. Children die from it. Won’t someone please think of the children?

    1. Dihydrogen monoxide endangers women.

  23. Actually there was a commercial for water that showed kids playing soccer and said basically you don’t need sports drinks to hydrate, that water works better. That is flat out wrong, and false advertising. Of course, I suppose you could actually call them on the carpet for that, since there is a difference between saying “can prevent dehydration” and saying “prevents dehydration better than water plus salts”

    1. mmm, slightly salted water

    2. Take a salt tablet.

    3. Honestly, I doubt that kids on the soccer field are going to sweat out their electrolytes. Have you ever seen the snack management tree that goes into the average youth soccer tournament? Six sigma delivery plus redundancy that power companies would drool over.

    4. I dunno, when I was in the army they got rid of he salt tablets and we only drank water. You got everything else from food. So if it’s good enough to hump a ruck for days, I don’t see how some kids playing soccer could be in worse shape. If anything water seems like the null set and the sports drinks would have the burden of proof.

  24. Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink!

    1. “Nor any drop to drink.”

    2. “So let’s all have a drink!”

  25. Nobody at the EU actually thinks this about water. This is a demonstration of government power over private industry.

    1. ..sorry, but they have ‘scientists’ on their side, and as we know, ‘scientists’ are above mere politics… They are all about speaking truth to superstition. Water does not hydrate, deal with it.

      1. See, the distinction is key because everyone is calling this decision “stupid”.

        It isn’t stupid. It’s evil.

        Anyone denying that water, or, you know, hydro (in Greek) hydrates is not stupid. They have a wicked agenda.

  26. I’m going to sell bottled water that says:

    Don’t Die. Drink Water.

    That’d be sure to drive ’em batty.

  27. Failure to consume this product will cause death.

    1. That’s why I mandate water purchases.

  28. In other news, the EU is set to begin a 5 year, 50 million Euro study to determine if bears actually do shit in the woods.

    1. SPOILER: they don’t

      1. Unless you are a scientist you have no possible way of knowing that. Be quiet and await our pronouncements which you may not question. Heil.

        1. You know who else shat in the woods?

          1. The Pope?

          2. Sarah Jessica Parker?

          3. I’ll tell you who else shits in the woods. Me.

            Once I saw that bear, I shit myself. So technically I shit my pants, but my pants were on me, and I was in the woods, so this technical assertion is correct.

            Those bears are fucking scary. I didn’t see him shit though. We’ll need another grant to follow up.

          4. Captain Kirk?

          5. Sandi?

          6. STEVE SMITH

  29. Boutros Boutros-Ghali?

  30. Wow, H20 intake doesn’t prevent dehydration, who knew?

    They appear here to be saying that once you are in a state of clinical dehydration, you can’t just drink bottled water and get better. And that sounds reasonable to me.

    This is true depending on the reason why one is in a state of clinical dehydration, and not limited to the inadequate intake of fluids.

    IV fluids are ordered and titrated based on fluid osmolarity and excretory output. It’s the same idea as one who is malnourished: you don’t just find some emaciated starvation victim and give them a five course meal. Giving a dehydrated person a glut of fluid all at once can lead to fluid/electrolyte imbalance and fluid/cardiac overload.

    That aside, I get the idea that one particular product may or may not curb dehydration depending on the medical conditions present, but that was not explicitly stated.

    In fact, there are quite a few conditions, such as CHF (congestive heart failure), where fluid restriction protocols are ordered.

    1. And the major compound that makes up the IV fluid is what now?
      Hydric acid.

      1. Greenhouse gases.

  31. In the USA, it’s illegal to advertise that whole milk helps build strong bones. You may make that claim about skim milk, but the government doesn’t want anyone encouraging people to drink whole milk, least they get fat from all those lipids.

    1. Mmmmmmmmmm…… Lipids…..

  32. “The European Food Standards Authority (EFSA) held a meeting of 21 scientists in Parma, Italy, and concluded that “reduced water content in the body was a symptom of dehydration and not something that drinking water could subsequently control.”

    If you disagree with EFSA’s finding, you are officially anti-science.

    1. And you hate puppies! Why do you hate puppies?!

  33. Why not publish the actual ruling rather than rely on second hand content from the telegraph? http://www.efsa.europa.eu/en/e…..c/1982.pdf

    Reason.com? No, idiots.com

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