The Monsters Are Due on Capitol Hill
New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd describes the horror movie imagery associated (in her mind, at least) with the recent debt ceiling negotiations:
Tea Party budget-slashers didn't sport the black capes with blood-red lining beloved by the campy Vincent Price or wield the tinglers deployed by William Castle. But in their feral attack on Washington, in their talent for raising goose bumps from Wall Street to Westminster, this strange, compelling and uncompromising new force epitomized "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and evoked comparisons to our most mythic creatures of the night.
They were like cannibals, eating their own party and leaders alive. They were like vampires, draining the country's reputation, credit rating and compassion. They were like zombies, relentlessly and mindlessly coming back again and again to assault their unnerved victims, Boehner and President Obama. They were like the metallic beasts in "Alien" flashing mouths of teeth inside other mouths of teeth, bursting out of Boehner's stomach every time he came to a bouquet of microphones. (Conjuring that last image on Monday, Vladimir Putin described America as "a parasite.")
Although there has been no shortage of rhetorical excess in the last few weeks (as our own Peter Suderman noted yesterday), Dowd cites very little evidence to back up her claim that budget cutters are routinely portrayed as monsters from a horror story. It is hard to understand why Putin's description of America as "a parasite," presumably referring to the U.S. government's dependence on foreign lenders to maintain its wildly out-of-control deficit spending, would conjure up an image of Tea Party actitivists, who want to curb that spending, "bursting out of Boehner's stomach," unless you were already inclined to view them that way. In any case, why would people who favor eliminating government subsidies be depicted as parasites?
Dowd does mention Rep. Emanuel Cleaver (D-Mo.), who described the debt deal as "a sugar-coated Satan sandwich." (Speaking of which, why would you sugar-coat a sandwich? Isn't the premise of this metaphor that the bread hides the evil lurking within? Cleaver seems to be guilty of sugar-coating a gilded lily.) But it's a big leap from Cleaver's comment to Dowd's extended riff on the horrific connotations of the debt debate, which includes references to "Gothic melodrama," H.P. Lovecraft, Brian De Palma, The Excorcist, Halloween, Jaws, The Creature From the Black Lagoon, Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman, and the Mummy. Dowd's case seems thin even if you throw in the "online commenter" she mentions who referred to "Rosemary's Tea Party."
Yet it is important for Dowd to pretend she is describing the reactions of "some alarmed Democrats," as she calls them, rather than the contents of her own fevered imagination. She is not really calling advocates of fiscal restraint monsters; she's just saying that other people (correctly) see them that way.
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Maureen Dowd: stone proof that, yes, one absolutely can sleep their way down to the twentieth percentile of their chosen profession.
The problem with that theory is who actually thinks Dowd was ever a good lay?
Have you seen journalists and editors? Their idea of a good lay is fucking their fist while they have a handful of peanut butter. Dowd is like being able to rape an angel by those standards.
That's some oddly compelling imagery there, SF.
The peanut butter is what really put it over the edge for me. A way with words, Sug haz it.
yes but....smooth or chunky ?
It starts out chunky...
your mind is a terrible thing...that's all.
Unfortunately, that isn't all.
Been a while since Nutra-Sweet made me puke in my trashcan, I was thinking he was a bit off of his game, actually.
That is true. And look at her competition. I suppose she looks pretty good when her competition is Sally Quinn and Elinor Cliff.
... to say nothing of (shudder) Helen Thomas...!
Some one at UPI is a serious deviated prevert. I guess someone is into about anything.
*barf*
Where in the fuck have you been? There have been some incredibly bad posters recently who really needed either you to barf on them or Sandi to shit on them.
What the fuck happened to this place?
Yo, shut the fuck up LoneWacko.
I love peanut butter.
That's why she's stuck on the editorial page. If she was any good in the sack, she'd have a corner office next to Pinch Sulzberger's.
Am I the only one noting the irony of her citing this against the Tea Party? Putin's comment was about the high levels of U.S. debt. The only thing that would end that comparison is what Dowd loathes: actually admitting that we don't have the money to do everything for everybody and cutting back.
No dude, the rich just have to pay their fair share and all our fiscal problems will be solved, forever.
Dowd descended past IBM-Watson levels of intelligence decades ago. I wouldn't be surprised to see her reference Toronto as being a US city in one of her columns soon.
Well, Alex, I guess some humans need to learn more about Canada.
What budget cutters? There haven't been any budget cuts.
Probably my all time favorite take down of Dowd was from Ace O Spades-
Maureen Dowd's Word Processor Revolts Against Her Numbing Imbecility
"Are you there, sterno? It's me, Maureen."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
At least she worked in my favorite:
Compassion = spending other people's money and indebting future generations.
It's all a setup for the eventual headline Tea Party Caucus Blocked by Raging Boehner.
+1
Is Dowd trying to take the "worst writer given a weekly spot on a major editorial page" crown from Tom Friendman? What the hell does that mess even supposed to mean?
Exactly. At least Krugman presents his lunacy in journeyman prose that even the dumbest leftest can parse.
Maureen's just mad she's too drunk and slutty to be The Final Girl.
Can The Final Girl be a redhead? I would at least think that such an obvious dye-job would be frowned upon.
Amy Steel was The Final Girl in Friday The 13th, Part 2.
FACT PWN'D!
They were like vampires, draining the country's reputation, credit rating and compassion.
So to Maureen Dowd, the answer to the question "spit or swallow?" is "spit" for vampires.
Or we should all look to marry tea partiers to leech off the incredibly awesome credit ratings they now have.
Isn't the premise of this metaphor that the bread hides the evil lurking within?
Without bread, it wouldn't be a sandwich. To make a Satan sandwich, you also have to have evil bread thereby requiring the sugar coating in order to disguise said evil from dogooders.
Therefore, Satan's Sandwich is definitely a Monte Cristo.
Satan is not serving anything with fucking yogurt.
Yogurt? What kind of fucked up Monte Cristoes have you been eating?
Dude, I thought a Monte Cristo was a fried ham & cheese sandwich on french toast. I googled it, saw the image on wikipedia, and it was so revolting that I quick posted that reply. It has to be seen to be believed.
Check the Wikipedia, yo. Apparently they also come with jam? They used to serve them (sans yogurt/jam) in the daycare I worked at in college. I've never eaten one before or since. Pretty much the most disgusting sandwich imaginable.
You guys have got to be fucking joking. The MC is the single greatest sandwich to have ever been invented...ever. In the history of sandwichs. If it didn't take 6 months off your life everytime you ate one, I'd eat them every single day.
True story: one of the only two Bennigans left in the DFW area is in the international terminal of the airport. They make a kick-ass MC. My wife and I were catching the crack-ass early flight out to Cancun last year, and the Bennigan's opened up at 7. So I got to start my vacation off by enjoying a delicious Monte Cristo for breakfast, along with several pints of beer. Best...vacation...evah.
You know, it's an East/West Coast rap battle sort of thing. Around here, it's a club sandwich (sans tomatoes, mayo, and lettuce) that is battered and deep-fried. Often served with raspberry jam on the side. And it's awesome.
I have to say, the "french toast" type doesn't look too appealing.
Curiouser and curiouser. The kind they served the daycare kids (and, by extension, starving college kid me) was not deep fried but instead the french toast style, but covered in this viscous egg substance and baked in a pan. I'm starting to think that was just them doing it wrong.
viscous egg substance
The ruin of much cuisine.
Yeah, that was NOT a MC. No eggs, no french toast. Deep batter-fried. And if they REALLY know what they're doing, they'll cut it in half first (before frying), so that the insides get a batter-fried coating as well. Too many places cut it in half after it comes out of the friar, leaving a decidedly un-fried side to the sandwich. And it should be served with rasberry jam.
Too many places cut it in half after it comes out of the friar,
Eewww. I don't think I want a sandwich that's been inside a friar.
You were stealing sandwiches from the mouths of babes? For shame.
You're no true libertarian. Turn in your monocle and decoder ring.
He's a libertarian, what do you expect?
What kind of condiment does one serve with the satanic Monte Cristo? Quince jelly, perhaps?
Veal is a condiment, right?
Sixteen year-old hookers with a bottle of Baker's and an eight ball.
I like the cut of your jib, Ska.
Pepper jelly is the Satanic condiment. Duh.
Or, what's that horrible yeast stuff the Brits eat?
Marmite. Which is Satan's Nutella.
then what is Vegemite?
Mispronounced Marmite, by crikey!
The Aussie version.
Which is where it should remain. NZ Marmite is the one true yeast extract spread to rule them all.
Well, we disagree on the one true yeast extract spread but can we agree that Promite, in fact, is the spawn of the devil.
Yep, it's uniquely awful. It's what Marmite tastes like when you have a cold or 'flu.
Is it similar to Branston's relish?
This is unsettling.
If a can of beans is eating beans, isn't that basically coprophilia?
I think it is safe to say that neither Vegemite nor Marmite nor Promite are similar to anything other than each other.
what's that horrible yeast stuff the Brits eat?
Fine way to talk about the Queen Mother.
+1
Only +1? That's at least a +3.
Grade inflation is killing us around here.
Scrapple.
Pfffft. Croque-Monsieur!
Croque-Madame also hits the spot.
Or 666 separate meats from an animal which has maggots for blood
Maureen Dowd: "Are Men Necessary?"
Men: "Huh. Look who's asking."
This is nice, but I would like to talk about Matt Damon. Is there any place where I could talk about Matt Damon?
Why, right this way, sir!
http://www.fanpop.com/spots/matt-damon
I am tempted to say that the reaction to this is even dumber and more irritating than the reaction to Citizens United. And that is a pretty high bar to clear.
Whoever taught MoDo about similes deserves a special place in hell.
Would that be the sandwich or non-sandwich section?
All of Hell is a sandwich section, just like it's all a smoking section.
The one that is usually reserved for child molesters, and people who talk at the theater.
The xenomorphs were metallic? Maureen Dowd, honey, you're a dumb cunt.
Mo Do got confused when their blood ate through metal.
Or she was thinking of that Terminator/Aliens crossover that should've happened.
You know what? Shit has once again gotten too stupid to comment on. So, puppies.
Better than puppies.
Liberterianasaurus Rex
He's wearing a hat! And riding a bicycle! Are you trying to kill us with cuteness Ska?
Puppy Belly!
I'm not going to be an absolutest and say that Corgis are the cutest puppies ever, but they have to be in the running.
Papillons.
Cool. I didn't know you were a girl, Mainer.
Just comfortable in my masculinity.
Just being a bitch. They are cute dogs.
I vote for whatever breed they use to play the direwolves on GoT. WANT.
Northern Inuit
Squee!
Shelties!
http://www.wyndridgeshelties.com/puppies.htm
Another Sheltie!
http://www.pbase.com/cdrebel/image/91057505
Stupid grin on face.
Don't worry about the debt guys. Obama has things under control. Why just yesterday he had a closed-door meeting with AFL/CIO leaders on job creation. If anyone knows how to create jobs*, it's the AFL-CIO.
*-jobs may be in other countries once foreign competitors with lower labor costs drive domestic producers out of business
Legalized plunder = compassion and love of humanity. Duh.
All I wanted was some brains to go with my Satan Sandwich, so I chase down a helpless mortal only to find it's Maureen Dowd! Now I'm out of breath and *still* starving!
Look out there's a monster coming!"
Hey, kids, make sure to order extra-size fries with the me sandwich! Make sure they're fried in transfat. By workers at Wal-Mart.
I can just picture the legion of idiots reading this article and going "Yup. You tell 'em, Mo!"
A nation of fucktards.
"YES!!! WE!!! CAN!!!"
LOL. And people like Dowd are the ones who flatter themselves that they're the adults.
Agreed. At least a smart aleck 17 year old has to eventually stand up on his own two feet. The Dowds of the world are already making a living, so when will they learn ?
A guy named Cleaver doesn't like cuts? WTF.
I seriously don't understand the histrionics over this so-called "budget cut". It's going to RAISE spending by almost a trillion dollars. WTF?
I am stumped how this agreement is considered anything other than a complete and total overwhelming ass-fucking annihilation of the tea party.
Most of them voted against it. They can rightfully say, "see, we told you the regular Republicans are useless."
Sure but what I mean is, from liberal punditry's point of view, this was total victory was it not?
Of course because Obama didn't get any tax raises means it was a total victory by the Tea Party never mind that the tea partiers got a fictitious slow down in spending that is itself a rounding error at best.
But the deal includes automatic sunset of Bush tax cuts in 18 months. The liberals have defeated the Bush tax cuts, increased spending, and raised the debt limit. WTF else could they have hoped for?
It lowered the rate of growth, which is why the hysteria.
The Tea Party changed the "conversation"
"Welcome to Hell's Cafe, may I take your order?...OK, that's six Satan Sandwiches and a Sprite, two Beelzebub Botulism Burgers with Belial Bacon, a Molech Morsel of roast baby, an Asmodeus prime rib with Ashterah asparagus, and a Succubus Steak. Do you want those regular or extra-crispy? Just kidding, in Hell everything is extra-crispy...that comes to exactly one soul per customer...drive around to the front to pick up your order...have a nice day..."
Regarding the article's title, remember that, in Serling's screenplay, the aliens in the shadows weren't really the "monsters." Rather, they were counting on US to be monsters to each other, with just a little manipulative "encouragement." And boy, did we deliver. As we are, now.
They were like cannibals... They were like vampires... They were like zombies... They were like the metallic beasts in "Alien"...
Here's a nickel, honey, buy yourself another sentence construction.
It's like someone gave a third grader a thesaurus, told them to write some similes, and made them an opinion leader.
So, these evil Tea Party congresspersons got themselves elected as representatives, then showed up in Washington, D.C. and voted yes and no on stuff. Gosh, that sounds like they were engaging in ... democracy.
It's way worse than that. Some of them voted the way they promised to during the election campaign.
Oh my fucking god! That upsets the whole system! They know perfectly well that they're not supposed to do that! Why, this "keeping your word" shit could get completely out of hand! People might expect all politicians to do that! Then what?
I wanted to leave a very graphic description of the acts I would love to see performed on Dowd's various orifices, but then I figured, "that'd only give her ideas."