I Have No Patience for the Lactose Intolerant!


And neither does the Washington City Paper, which reports on the recent DC protests against the banning raw milk and related dairy products. Raw milk cannot legally be sold because the government says it poses super-duper health risks. As you may recall, in late April, the feds staged an armed raid on an Amish farmer who provided DC-area folks with the prohibited stuff. An armed raid against an Amish farmer! What was he going to do, throw the mantle he handcrafted for the bone-soothing Heat Surge portable fireplace at them?

The WCP quotes Reason contributor and Keep Food Legal jefe Baylen Linnekin on the question of raw food. Linnekin drops some wisdom as casually as an Atkin's Diet deep in the throes of ketosis:

Raw milk fans say plenty of other potentially dangerous raw stuff is available for sale—like, say, uncooked meat. "The idea that raw food is some sort of quirky thing for foodies and maniacs is silly," says Baylen Linnekin, executive director of Keep Food Legal. "There's no one in America who hasn't bought a dozen eggs, an oyster, or a steak. We're all raw food consumers."

Doesn't the FDA, who was in on the raid, having something better to do with its time? Can't it be keeping cancer drugs off the market or helping its former head to get over his dumpster-diving problems?

Whole story here.

Reason.tv on a California Raw Food Raid:

NEXT: Reason Writers Around Town: Peter Suderman on Superhero Movies in an Age of Human Enhancement in The Washington Times

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  1. I can’t help but to think that if you told delegates at the US constitutional convention that they should try to protect a farmer from milking a cow and selling it to someone from interference by the state, they would have looked at you like you were insane. “Who would ever be so stupid?” might be rhetorically bantered about.

  2. I’d like to see that dickface Bashir from MSNBC tel the guy from this vid that he’s breaking federal law by wearing that American flag as a bandana.

    You wanna talk about PWNAGE!!! That would be some serious PWNAGE!!!!!!!!!1!!11!1!1ONE!!

    1. What sloopyinca said!! PWWWWWWWNNNNNNAGE!

  3. Oh Christ, not this loser argument again:
    Raw milk fans say plenty of other potentially dangerous raw stuff is available for sale

    Just like the fucking stoners who keep whining that alcohol and tobacco is legal.

    1. BUT BUSH DID IT!!!

      Same thing, essentially. Yes, try a better argument than “I cannot tell a lie – Tommy Jefferson does it, too.”

      1. Its only a loser argument if they are advocating that the state should ban other raw foods. Merely pointing out that we purchase many other types of raw food without the parasites intruding is not a loser argument.

      2. To be fair, “But Bush did it!” is a completely different argument. The flaw of “Bush Did It” is that it erroneously assumes that the scope of executive authority is defined by the authority wielded by the previous administration, which is obviously stupid.

        On the other hand, if you view the rule of law as a means of minimizing risk, then it seems perfectly logical to argue that our society tolerates risk when it comes to threat A (be it raw eggs or alcohol) and therefore should likewise tolerate the equivalent risk posed by threat B (be it raw milk or marijuana). I’m not saying it’s the best argument out there, but certainly it appeals to logic–assuming you believe the law should not be arbitrary.

        1. Fair’s got nothing to do with it

  4. this article is racist. everybody knows only white people retain tolerance to lactose into adult hood. why should whities be allowed to enjoy milk, while all the minorities get stricken with diahhrea?

    1. it’s really bad when you’re particularly full of shit.

      1. This is for your handle. Personally, I think they were underrated.

    2. This blond haired blue eyed white person shoots high pressure foam out his ass after ingesting too much dairy, so it ain’t limited to minorities.

      Wait a few decades when brown folks become the majority with whitey a minority, then I can complain!

      1. If you’re shooting high pressure foam out of your ass, methinks you are ingesting it at the wrong end.

        Man, I feel sorry for some of you. I enjoy the sweet taste of milk to the tune of about two gallons a week.

        1. Nope. No dairy enemas here.

          If I were to do an enema it’d be sherry, not dairy. I hear it gets you wasted real quick.

          1. Or dead.

    3. everybody knows only white people retain tolerance to lactose into adult hood.

      That is odd….i could have sworn my belly was full of milk when I razed my first village of white poeple. I recall the shit i took that night was firm and satisfying.

  5. Well, at least if the gummint is focused on this, they’re not taking the time to take over healthcare, spending my kids and their kids into oblivion, and getting us into MOAR undeclared, unconsitutional wars.

    Oh. Wait….DAMN their mad multi-tasking skills!

  6. Ahem.
    That is all.

    1. Your ideas intrigue me, and I am interested in subscribing to your newsletter.

    2. You’re absolutely correct. Breast milk must be banned, as well. All women who deliver babies must be registered, and they must pump out all of their milk, to be collected at a central repository.

      1. We must boil their nipples. If anyone objects, we boil them twice.

      2. And then dripped slowly over my bound and prostrate body…

        I have officially creeped myself out.

        1. Nipples must be licked clean for a minimum of 20 minutes before use.

      3. Enforcement would be a problem so we probably need cameras installed throughout people’s homes. It’s not if, but when. 1984 The instruction manual.

  7. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, there were 45 outbreaks of foodborne illnesses due to unpasteurized dairy products during a seven-year period ending in 2005. Overall, the events accounted for two deaths, 104 hospitalizations, and 1,007 illnesses.

    Those numbers look a little less scary when contrasted with the CDC’s overall estimates for just one single year: The agency predicts that one in six Americans will get sick from all foodstuffs in 2011. This will result in approximately 128,000 hospitalizations and around 3,000 deaths.

    So the paper Dan Snyder is threatening to put out of business is the only non-pants wetting newspaper in DC? Goddamnit is there anything that fucking napoleon hasn’t ruined.

    1. Can we recruit Dee Snider to give Dan Snyder a good ass whoopin?

    2. Those numbers are actually disturbingly high given that unpasturized dairy products are uncommon outside of rural home production.

      1. Calling those areas “rural” makes me think you have yet to visit Washington D.C. or Los Angeles.

      2. 45 illnesses in 7 years is “disturbingly high?” My god, how do you go outside with all the “risks” out there?

    3. Overall, the events accounted for two deaths

      If the law saves just one life it’s worth it.

  8. Why yes, the FDA does have better things to do, like investigating Lance Armstrong and the US Postal Team for performance enhancing drug use. Never mind that we aren’t talking about current/on-going use, since Lance is retired and the team disbanded. But by God, the govt will get to the bottom of this! It is a major investigative priority.

    Perhaps we should call this guy “Ahab”?

  9. Raw milk fans say plenty of other potentially dangerous raw stuff is available for sale

    First, “raw” means different things when applied to milk and meat. Second, people have equipment in their homes to convert raw meat and raw eggs into safely-edible forms; they don’t have equipment to pasteurize milk.

    Not that raw milk should be illegal if clearly labeled as raw milk, of course. If you want to turn your intestines into a petri dish, knock yourself out.

    1. they don’t have equipment to pasteurize milk

      A stove, a stainless steel pot and a candy thermometer are specialized equipment?

      1. I don’t have a candy thermometer at home, do you? The closest thing I have is a rectal thermometer but that broke in half a few months ago.

        1. Anal mercury poisoning explains away a lot of your behavior.

        2. I dont currently, but they are easier to find them thermometers that are useful for homebrewing.

          Try to buy one at Wal-Mart without being accosted by 100 different dirt cheap candy thermometers.

          1. Also, as pointed out below, you dont need a candy thermometer for 72C.

        3. Q: How do you tell the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

          A: The taste.

          1. Didn’t Shaq tell Kobe the same thing?

      2. Smartass. Pasturizing milk to produce a drinkable product and grilling a steak aren’t even in the same ballpark of complexity and you fucking know it.

        1. True, steak is harder to do right.

        2. Here’s a shocking secret: MILK DOESN’T HAVE TO BE PASTEURIZED TO BE CONSUMED!

          It is safer if pasteurized, especially if you are milking hundreds of cows and mixing it all together and you don’t really want to give much of shit about keeping your cows healthy or your equipment clean, but like beef, eggs, oysters, and most ocean fish, it does not have to be cooked to be edible if uninfected by bacteria.

          And what robc said.

    2. People can pasteurize milk at home if they want to. It could be expensive, but can be done with a gas hookup, some pipes and a few bags of ice.

      As far as turning your guts into a petri dish, whatever. You do that every time you inhale, swim or drink tap water. Don’t be such a pussy.

      1. I it not necessary to pressure pasteurize. You can substitute holding at a lower temperature for a longer time over pressure. Now homogenizing milk at home would be trickier.

        1. *It is* stupid fingers.

        2. Can’t you just use any sort of agitator to homogenize the milk? And really, it’s only got to be homogenized when you’re gonna drink it. A good shake when you pull the jug out of the fridge should do the trick.

          1. sloopy, yes, you are right. But pressure homogenizing (or ultra homogenized) produces a product that doesn’t separate. Which is, I would imagine, most people are thinking of when they are seeking a homogenized product (which raw milkers are not.)

            1. Shaking the milk when you take it out of the fridge homogenizes it just fine for drinking. Besides, if your raw milk source is inexpensive enough to do it, being able to skim the cream for real homemade butter is totally yummy–and takes about 10 minutes, during which time you can also look at email or whatever.
              Few people who buy raw milk are pasteurizing it. The stuff is expensive–anywhere from $4 a gallon in rural MO to $4 a QUART in the SF Bay Area. If one wanted it pasteurized, organic milk can be had anywhere for not too much money. The trick to safe raw milk is to know your farmer and know what procedures he’s using. Or regulate and inspect at the state level, which CA does (part of the high price, I expect). Research shows (the research the FDA likes to deny, of course) that pasteurizing milk doesn’t do the various nutritive components any good. In fact, many people who consider themselves to be lactose intolerant can tolerate raw milk just fine. Pasteurization kills the enzymes that help people digest milk, you see.
              Also, when you look at the stats for illnesses attributed to raw dairy, this includes the much more common raw milk cheeses, and more importantly, is data from an FDA that stops looking for a food poisoning source as soon as the person is found to be using raw dairy…even if the source farm tests clean, and other possible culprits exist.

        3. 72C for 20 seconds, followed by cooling to 4C.

          99.999% dead bugs.

          1. 63C for 30 minutes is the lower T, longer time process. This works better for the home process since its hard to get a consistent temp in a pot.

    3. Your intestines are already a petri dish.

      1. It’s called poetic license.

        1. When does your license expire?

          1. And what authority issued him that license?

      2. I was going to say this, bears repeating. Given the pharmokinetic exercises I put my brain through drinking raw milk would be a breeze. The important thing is that my body is my petri dish. I should be allowed to perform any experiment I want to.

    4. Check this out


      It ain’t difficult.

    5. they don’t have equipment to pasteurize milk.

      Can I bake cookies or make some pancakes using raw milk?

      Probably not seeing as how the government and Tulpa have determined I do not have the proper equipment.

  10. So, are the French, Swiss, and Italians immune to the diseases at issue in raw milk?

  11. Raw milk is great for the lactose intolerant like myself and half of my family. Hispanics and Asians are more likely to have it, so I’m fighting it on both ends.

    Lactaid milk tastes disgusting, the pills are costly if you have to take a few and goat milk is $4 a QUART. Almond and soy milk taste like the jalopy they rode in on. Rice milk is flat out unhealthy. Raw milk is often the only affordable and tasty option out there.

    Some people just will not rest until everything is banned, subsidized, controlled and government distributed.

    1. I like some brands of coconut milk.

      1. Which ones?

        1. There’s a brand called “So Delicious” that’s pretty good.

          Silk makes a coconut milk too but I don’t like it as well.

          Both of those are actually “coconut milk beverages”. They have both sweetened and unsweetened flavors. Places like Whole Foods also have purer stuff in cans.

          1. Thanks! 🙂

  12. If you think drinking raw milk is dangerous, then don’t drink it. Why does the government need to be involved in such a simple decision?

    1. Right. You’re most likely a mark who falls for all sorts of woo if you do, but that doesn’t justify armed raids.

      Raw milk belongs under the Marge Simpson Rule. “I didn’t say you couldn’t. I said you shouldn’t.”

  13. I would like to shoot foam out of my ass. Why can’t my voice be heard?

    1. Because we’re distracted by the foam.

  14. Anyone else highly disturbed by the fact that the FDA has the capability to place clandestine “agents” out there?

    1. I’m disturbed there is an FDA. I do wonder why the USDA* has ceded this authority to them.

      *this too is disturbing

  15. The funny thing about this is that your title makes no sense as there is no lactose in raw milk. LOL Pasteurizing the milk destroys the lactase, the natural counterpart of lactose, leaving the lactose behind unchecked to wreak havoc on sensitive individuals. Lactaid milk is pasteurized milk with lactase added back into it to counteract the lactose and basically remove it.

    Just a little trivia. 😉

  16. Too much government. Either drink your milk or don’t!

  17. Let’s just get rid of the FDA then!

  18. I like Lactaid milk better than normal milk anyway lol

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