Government

"To come on to our property and to defecate—it's just wrong" or, Finally, a Gov't Employee Who Really Gives a Shit.

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Or perhaps more accurately, a government worker who really takes one. On your lawn. Guaranteed delivery by noon tomorrow. Or your money back. And do you need stamps today?

Reader Ken Spicer, who comments as sloopyinca, sends along this Oregon tale that just may redefine "going postal" for the apres-Son of Sam generation:

A mail carrier who was caught using a yard as his personal toilet will not be fired.

The incident happened last month at a home in southeast Portland and a neighbor, Don Derfler, captured the man in the act with his camera.

Derfler had been waiting for his babysitter when he saw his mailman acting odd at his neighbor's house across the street. The postal worker then pulled down his pants and that's when Derfler began snapping pictures.

"We trust people like the postal service and meter readers and people of that nature," Derfler told us when we interviewed him in April. "To come on to our property and to defecate—it's just wrong."

The kicker of the story? The letter carrier was not shitcanned, just transferred to a new and undisclosed route. Whole thing here.

And they call UPS "Big Brown."

Here's a 13 year old take on the post office that is still worth reading in a world so post-postal that even fax machines are dead.

Take it away (all of it!), Newman:

Update: My colleague Matt Welch sends along what is quite possibly the greatest local news segment of all time, from KATU, which is replete with footage, jokes about packages being delivered, and the Kent Brockmanesque anchorman line, "Not exactly the publicity any organization needs…." That anchorman? He gets it.

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  1. That explains the packages from the “Shit of the Month Club” I’ve been getting.

  2. “Neither cramps nor turtles, nor the runs, nor the stench of chocolate shorts….”

    Why can’t he be like Kramer and run home to dump one?

  3. No one’s ever topped 50% delivery rate!

  4. One of my friends at the post office told me how he’s working 58 hours a week now becuase they had cut backs.
    I said “oh great, they’re finally doing something to curb spending??”
    His response: “No, one of the employees got their third DUI while driving a postal truck and hitting a car again, and she still almost didn’t get fired, and another guy just hasn’t shown up for 6 months so they think it’s a leave of absence.”
    WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF????????

    1. It may be an urban myth but I have been told that if you are a UPS driver, two wrecks in your career and you done, no matter whose fault they were.

      1. ” if you are a UPS driver, two wrecks in your career and you done, no matter whose fault they were.”

        Even though they are heavily unionized?

        Unpossible!

        1. Not every union is the SEIU. Pubic employee unions do to some degree give all unions a bad name. But then they give pretty much every human association a bad name.

          1. Pubic employee unions

            Would those be the sex workers’ unions?

      2. FedEx I can believe this, The union at UPS is way too strong to allow that kind of nonsense.

        1. See, you can’t caricature you guys!

          This is the Friday Funny…

          1. I only did it for you MNG. And I think you’re the only one here that would classify me as one of “you guys” with respect to any group on these boards.

      3. What if you have a wreck during a tractor pull? Does that count?

        1. Wrecks are fundamental to tractor pulls, it’s what differentiates them from mud bogs.

          1. Wrecks are fundamental to NASCAR.
            (Dumbass)

    2. because they had cut backs

      As in “Don’t let the door hit ya / Where the good Lord split ya”?

    3. “still almost didnt get fired” = fired.
      plus leaves of absences are personal so of course ur friend doesnt know, nor should he. more predictable hatred of union employees

      1. 3 dui’s on the job in a mail truck, 2 of them involving other vehicles. If your job is to drive a vehicle, you should be fired after your first demonstration that you are unable to do so with out being under the influence, not your third.

        And the guy didn’t tell anyone he was taking a leave of absence, he just stopped showing up, so management assumed it was a leave of absence. If I just stop showing up to work for 6 months, I shouldn’t expect to have a job when I come back.

        I think you mean: Predictable hatred of union employees ABUSING A SYSTEM

    4. As a former USPS employee I can say there is no job like working for the USPS in both good & bad ways. It really was surreal experience that’s hard to describe. Everyone you work with, including the supervisors has a I don’t care attitude. The lazy way overpaid union workers that do hardly any work at all, but still complain about not getting paid enough. The deaf forklift drivers that crash into each other, because they can’t hear the each other honking when they go through doorways. Then cuss each other out in that weird deaf voice. Union workers writing death threats on the restroom walls aimed at temporary workers. A significant number of employees high or drunk while at work. Getting in trouble with the union & management for working to hard. Although I do miss working for the post office no other place will pay me to play darts in the break room for 3 hours a day.

  5. Isn’t this a prefect analogy to all govt actions?

    1. J[o]h[nn]y L[o][n]gt[o]rs[o]|5.27.11 @ 8:30AM|#
      Isn’t this a prefect analogy to all govt actions?

      A government agent coming on to your property and taking a shit? Why, yes, I think it is.

      1. Exactly. The shocking part of this story, isn’t that this letter carrier wasn’t fired, it’s that he wasn’t promoted.

        Any other employee would have taken time away from the job, so he could drive to a local gas station to handle his business. It takes real dedication to drop a deuce on the customers lawn.

    2. Yes, and the irony is if the EPA was aware of the toxic waste left behind a local board of zoning would have confiscated the property through emminent domaain to reclaim and redevelop it as a shopping mall to ensure a steady stream of cash donations from the developer to the favored politician.

      1. The shopping mall also generates more revenue for the USPS. It’s not like the guy who’s lawn got shit on was sending much bulk-rate mail.

  6. Postmaster General announces new USPS slogan:

    “To come on to our property and to defecate – it’s just wrong.”

  7. I’m waiting for MNG to come and explain that the govt delivering shit means no fecal matter would be expelled w/o govt, so your bowels would explode and you’d die, so you should thank the govt for saving your life.

    1. We had a FedEx guy come to our office not too long ago and crap largely on the floor of the office bathroom. The boss called to complain.

      The guy wasn’t fired, he seemed to be transferred (we never saw him deliver to us again), because we actually saw him at a light in the Fed Ex mobile about a month later.

      This anecedote proves the private sector is horribly inefficient. Or something.

      1. all this shit “proves” is when u gotta go, ya gotta go

      2. In other words, the private sector guy, even in failure, did better than the govt guy.

        1. I would have rather him crapped out in the parking lot than in our one office bathroom JT, so I’m not sure it was better, but he got further in the delivery of his package if that is what you were getting at.

          1. sounds like a shitty situation

            1. Private sector?

              That’s hitting below the belt.

      3. Crapping on the lawn is more efficient.

        I think most Fedex Guys are franchisees, so they can’t really get fired unless they breach their contract with Fedex.

  8. Why does a grown man need a babysitter and why was he waiting with his camera ready?

    1. Well let’s see, 1) perhaps he was waiting for a sitter to arrive to watch his kids, and 2) normal people who have cameras tend to leave them handy – to take pictures with.

      1. Wow, I bet your a blast at parties.

        1. Well, Restoras does always have his camera handy. Sounds good for parties to me. Plus, he doesn’t bring his kids.

    2. No shit, and does that guy have any teeth? He looks like a typical portlander who voted for obama, goes to farmer’s markets, drives a prius, never played sports, can’t do a pullup, and who uses a camera like that instead of his cellphone?

  9. After watching that video I would have probably defecated in that guys yard, not his neighbors.

  10. People are actually defending the mail carrier in the comments.

    -Wannadanc
    “Oh, I have so MUCH empathy for this carrier. As many have commented here – there ARE times – for nearly all of us – where you can’t wait, nor could you anticipate this catastrophe!!! I am glad that the USPO has some heart at its center.”

    1. Shorter Aladdin Sane

      He should have shat himself and bravely toiled on as I do every day!

      1. I have been friends with many bike messengers that miraculously seem to have never once ran into this problem.

      2. But he works for the government so he’s altruistic and it’s not like they make diapers for adults.

      3. Yes, I think that you should shit your pants before you pull down your pants in public and crap on someone’s lawn without permission.

      4. It’s called a gas station.

  11. Execrable.

    1. OK, +1 there.

  12. What. The. F#@*ing. F#@*.

  13. You’d have any easier time changing the rotation of the earth than firing a union man.

  14. He had a need to use the bathroom. Of course he has the right to shit in anyone’s yard he pleases. What is this Somalia?!

  15. Why do all the f’d up stories always come outta Oregon. I’m ashamed to have been born there.

    1. I took a dump in Oregon once.

      Actually, on many occasions.

  16. Think about this: a “civilian” who gets caught relieving themselves in public can get them labelled a sex offender and cause them and their family to be forced to move from their home. A government worker gets a transfer.

    1. Very good point.

    2. That linke was banned for me because it was labeled “Adult Materials”… I probably should have known better than to click on a link in a shitting thread

      1. And yes, that’s ‘linke’ in the original olde englishe

        1. Ye Olde Linke

      2. Two letter-carriers, one envelope.

  17. Paging Sandi.

  18. I heard he wiped with newsweek and delivered it. The subscriber didnt notice any change from the normal content.

  19. Maybe he was sick.

    I have had intense bowel pains because I have needed to take a shit…

    I can imagine he was was nowhere near a toilet…

    Derfler had been waiting for his babysitter when he saw his mailman acting odd at his neighbor’s house across the street.

    The witness did say he was acting odd….was he doubled over in pain?

  20. “neighbor, Don Derfler, captured the man in the act with his camera.”

    For some reason, this is the funniest part to me. “Show me the package”.

  21. shitsenders.com

    1. Someone should mail that postal worker a package from that site

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