Bin Laden Was a Narcissistic, Beard-Dyeing Porn Fan (Also a Mass Murderer)


ABC News reports that the Navy SEALs who raided Osama bin Laden's house in Abbottabad, Pakistan, found a "huge" stash of pornography, including "electronically recorded videos," in a wooden box in his bedroom. Presumably this information is part of what former counterterrorism adviser Richard Clarke calls "the U.S. government's effort to discredit him after his death so… he doesn't become a martyr in the eyes of the Arab youth." That effort also has included the release of outtakes from Bin Laden videos that show the terrorist mastermind flubbing his lines and huddling under a blanket while watching himself on TV. Another revelation from the outtakes: Bin Laden's beard was not really black.

Do our government's propaganda specialists know what they're doing? Maybe, but what can you say about a target audience that considers watching dirty movies or dyeing your beard a bigger offense than murdering thousands of people?

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  1. Christ on a crutch, why doesn’t the government just stop? These stories get stupider with each passing day.

    1. Because the government is fucking stupid?

      1. Because Obama wants to keep this one achievement of his in the news cycle for as long as possible?

        1. This reminds me of Giuliani.

        2. That too. The best are the photos of them looking all serious during the hit, and seeing the Obama fellators jump all over them to praise him. Because they really have nothing else.

          1. Let me see if I understand how this works: If, during the Obama administration, I take my family to a national park, say, Yellowstone, and we have a great time, Obama gets credit?

            1. Not Yellowstone or Grand Canyon.

              Obama only gets credit for National Parks located in Team Blue states.

              1. Democratic now or Democratic when the parks were founded?

                1. *applies libertarian decoder ring*

                  (what did you think they were for?)

  2. “Maybe, but what can you say about a target audience that considers watching dirty movies or dyeing your beard a bigger offense than murdering thousands of people?”

    You can say that they are religious fundamentalists?

    1. Or Americans.

      If George W. Bush had been caught with a porn stash, that would probably have been a bigger deal to many Americans than his killing of tens of thousands of innocent people.

      Ditto for Obama.

      Killing innocent people just isn’t the big deal it used to be. Torturing them and imprisoning them indefinitely — also not such a big deal anymore. Bipartisan yawns all around. But a sex scandal is always a reliable attention-getter.

      That said, attacking the legacy of bin Laden is pretty much a no-brainer. Anything that makes him less likely to become a revered martyr is good for the U.S. and every other country likely to be targeted by Al Qaeda and similar groups. If our government WASN’T poisoning bin Laden’s legacy, I’d consider that to be pretty basic incompetence.

  3. I understand that that there are a lot of Full Ankle photos.

  4. Al Qaeda Sluts 3: All Anal Jihad

    1. Allahu Ak-barely legal!

  5. “Terabytes of information”, indeed.

  6. That bin Laden bit on that miserable Family Guy was actually a hoot.

  7. Is anyone really surprised? Nine times out of ten, the guy that wants to compel other people to do or not do some activity is compelling it because he knows he would not do or do it if it weren’t illegal.

    Conservative – Sodomy should be illegal because I would so bang dudes if I could.

    Liberal – Charity should be compulsory through the taxation by the state because I would never give money to people down on their luck without it.

    Islamist – Porn and booze should be illegal and punishable by death otherwise I will be spending every night with a handle of whiskey, tub of Jergen’s, and BangBros membership

    Libertarian – nothing should be illegal because unlike you assholes above, I’m smart enough, benevolent enough, and disciplined enough to make adult decisions without feelings of guilt.

    1. True story: My aunt is a nurse who for a few years worked in Bahrain and Saudi Arabia. The MINUTE those motherfuckingers take off from the runway whenever they leave the country, the booze is flowing like its a frat party.

      1. BTW, I just invented a new word: Motherfuckingers. Try to use it in sentence today, kids!

        1. OUCH!! I just slammed the door on my motherfuckingers!!

        2. Dude! I’ve been reading Hit & Run for days, and it took me until just now to realize that your name is a reference to Goldwater.

          Bravo for creativity and sorry for being off-topic.

          1. What creativity? Goldwater used to have that on his license plates.

            1. Barry Goldwater Lives!

            2. ., shut while the man is complimenting me.

          2. Au + H2O = 64

            I was there ,man

      2. I don’t know about the booze, but a friend of mine traveled regularly to SA on business and claims that women would line up at the bathroom to tear off the niqab and abaya (I googled the those names) once the wheels left the runway.

        1. Too true. When I was stationed in Saudi Arabia I had to travel to Bahrain several times. The highway to Bahrain crosses the gulf over a causeway built by the Saudis. About halfway across is a large customs/border post. On each side there are large locker rooms that the Saudis would go into. Enter wearing the ninja gear and robes, exit wearing suits and miniskirts. Reverse the process on the way home. The hotels in Bahrain are allowed to sell liquor and we used to see Saudis wearing suits and their ghutrah (thats the “hat”) getting plowed in the bar. Quite funny to see these singing and dancing with each other.

          It seems that Allah cannot see across the border into Bahrain; nor can he see over the wall of your villa. Kinda limited for a god.

          1. I wonder if the “Muslims shouldn’t drink” will ever go the way of “Jews shouldn’t eat a bacon cheeseburger.”

            True fact: Jews LOVE bacon.

            1. Well yeah, everyone loves bacon.

    2. Well, while I don’t believe jack shit that the government says, this is also totally believable for the reasons you mention.

      The more someone rails against something, the more you can be they’re doing it and hate themselves for it.

      1. So when you rail against cops shooting dogs, that means you are shooting dogs?

        1. I believe he’s referring to personal vices rather than things that are actually, you know, wrong.

          1. Ah. So it only applies to people he disagrees with, on the subjects they disagree with him on. That’s convenient.

            1. I believe that rule only appliesw to victimless crimes.

              I don’t want people shooting my dogs. Ergo, I am opposed to dog shooting.

              If stopping people from watching Japanese fart porn is so important to me that I want to pass a law against it, given the fact that it is actually, you know, harmless, it is pretty certain that my focus on it would be the product of my own appetites.

              People don’t rail against things that are not emotionally important to them.

              1. I believe that rule only appliesw to victimless crimes.

                So it only applies to things you think are wrong.

                You don’t see the problem here?

                1. Wow, how did I miss this bit of Tulpidity?

                  Tulpa, that whooshing sound was my point going right by your head.

                  I’ll explain it again:

                  People rail against things that emotionally matter to them. Now, when they rail against an activity that injures them, like being punched in the face, or their property like having their dog shot, it’s probaby because they don’t want to be a victim. A person is far more likely to fear being punched in the face than to want the government to stop them from acting on their secret desire to punch people.

                  In the case of “crimes” where there is no victim, on the other hand, the person who is railing is acting out of the emotions the act raises with them. Moreover, it’s important enough emotionally to make a big deal about it. Thus, a person who has repressed desires that they find shameful are very likely to get involved in a campaign to criminalize the activity.

                  This has nothing to do with whether or not I approve of the measure being banned. I, for example, don’t approve of adultery. I think its very wrong. It fills me with disgust. Yet, I am not trying to ban it and oppose attempts to criminalize it. If your scurrilous implication were correct, I would be all over bringing that law into being. I could go on about how I think heroin use, listening to presidential speeches, cooking haggis should all be legal despite how wrong I find them. But I will stop here.

                  1. Your exception would apply to dog owners, I guess. What about people who don’t own dogs, yet get pissed about cops shooting dogs? They can never be the victim of a dog shooting, so your emotional-involvement exception fails to explain this. Therefore, Epi’s statement would indicate that such people shoot dogs themselves.

                    1. Tulpa, either you are at a joe level of disingenousness or you really, really suck at reading comprehension.

                      Episiarch made a statement about probabilities, namely that the more someone rails against something, the more likely they are to be into it.

                      He did not argue that only people who are into something will rail against it.

                      I attempted to explain why acts that actually harm people will arouse hostility than acts that don’t among people who aren’t interested in committing those acts.

                      Of course, you didn’t read, because you are too busy doing your quarter-assed Socrates impression to pay attention.

              2. harmless??? Ask the Japanese fart sniffers if it was harmless

            2. What tarran said. So wait, are you saying you support dog-shooting?

              1. Tulpa supports authority. That’s it.

                1. Not always. Just mostly.

                2. Tulpa supports authority. That’s it.

                  I support authority more than anarcho-capitalists like yourself and Tarran do, yes. That’s not saying much.

                  Considering that 95% of my posts at this site are opposed to the authorities in question, it’s interesting to see that opinion from the guys who vanish when it’s time to fight the good fight against MNG/Tony/Ken Shultz/random authoritarian of the day…unless there’s a cute pop culture reference to be made.

              2. So wait, are you saying you support dog-shooting?

                The only dogs I support shooting are chihuahuas. And then, only with hollowpoint ammo.

                1. The only dogs I support shooting are chihuahuas. And then, only with hollowpoint ammo.

                  Nukes. Orbit. Sureness. Etc.

                  1. but its a dry heat…

        2. Yes. I shoot dogs every day.

          1. Your secret shame. Do you use a wide stance when you pull the trigger?

            1. Do you use a wide stance when you pull the trigger?

              He holds the guns sideways too. BLKAAWO!

          2. How do you get them in the syringe?

            1. Carefully?

            2. “Honey, I shrunk the Kids!”

              “Quick! get them in the syringe! God I need my fix!”

          3. I knew it! I hope your interaction with me has encouraged you to get help before it’s too late.

    3. Libertarian – Government should be illegal because if I could be King of the World, I would tell everyone what to do because I know how to make the world awesome.

  8. Osama bin Jerkin’?

    Feel free to append similarly juvenile names.

    1. Osama bone Lovin’

    2. Ass Mama Bend Over.

    3. Muja-HARD-een

    4. 72 Virgins, One Cup

    5. Osama bin Loggin

    6. Kariyma does Riyadh, then gets stoned to death for being a whore.

      1. Saw a video once of a woman being stoned to death by a crowd – supposedly for refusing to marry the man chosen for her. They were oh so careful to pull her dress back down whenever the wind would blow it up to expose her panties. Finally someone finished her off by slamming a concrete block down on her head as she lay there. Fucking atavists.

    7. Usawma Bone Waggin

      1. +1 for each of you clever pervs.

    8. Hes a member of the Talibang.

      He was just looking for some jihead

  9. I mentioned this in an earlier thread, but I wonder whether his porn was primarily American porn? Perhaps his attacks on us were simply a pathetic, futile gesture at breaking his addiction to our sleazy chicks.

    1. There was an urban legend circulating for a while that Osama hated America because when he was going to school here some hooker made fun of his tiny peepee.

      Trouble is he didn’t go to school here or live here at all. Or that’s what snopes.com said.

      I’m winging it here, my memory sometimes doesn’t retain all the facts and I’m to lazy to do any actual research. But I didn’t make it up (as much as I wish I had). 🙂

      1. when he was going to school here some hooker made fun of his tinyuncircumcised peepee.


  10. I wonder who his favorite pornstar was? I’m gonna guess Belladonna.

    1. Audrey Hollander.

      1. Well, my favorite movie is Annette Schwartz: Locked in the Hamburg Cell

        1. Bin Laden has the look of a Jada Fire fan to me.

          1. WHY did I google that?!

            1. H&R commandment #17: Never google anything unfamiliar posted on H&R with SafeSearch off.

              1. ^^This. Learned the hard way at work.

            2. What the fuck is wrong with Jada Fire?

              1. Gotta admit I’m a huge fan of Jada Fire. I also like Annette Schwartz and Belladonna. Sexy and quite, er unrepressed, all.

                1. I still miss the Lacey Duvalle of about 8 years ago. Why do these girls need to ruin themselves by stapling basketballs to their chests?

      2. Belladonna, Audrey Hollander

        Add Lisa Ann to the list, and….**CARRIER LOST**

    2. “The Goat Next Door”

      1. Well, that does help explain why GWB kept reading My Pet Goat to those school kids on the morning of 9/11.

        1. It’s “The Pet Goat”, you literary naif.

      2. “The Goat Next Door”

        “The Goatse Next Door”

    3. Now this is a question I really look forward to seeing what the Hit & Run commenters can come up with.

  11. I have a feeling the Arab Street is just going to say that Great Satan is lying again. And to be honest I’m not sure they’d be wrong about that; our govt has already shown itself willing to lie about everything at every turn.

    1. Show us the stash or we’ll get really angry!

      1. I demand high-res, HD if non-still, evidence. Otherwise how can we prove it’s not shopped? The pixels, etc…

    2. Only if it’s gay bestiality porn. They aren’t subtle, our elected liars.

      1. Now leave me outta this!

    3. Do our government’s propaganda specialists know what they’re doing?

      What pisses off a bunch of perpetually angry, sexually frustrated Muslims more? That Bin Laden allegedly collected DP videos and used Grecian formula? Or that the Great Satan is clearly running a smear job on him after performing a hit on him and then dumping his body in the ocean?

      1. They’ll forgive us when we post all of his porn on the web.

        1. Whatever his collection contained, I’m sure it’s all already on the web.

          1. You think osama was smart enough to not-pay-for-porn? Cmon.

            Dollars-to-donuts he was a member at brazzer.com

  12. Perhaps his attacks on us were simply a pathetic, futile gesture at breaking his addiction to our sleazy chicks.

    It’s possible he was just trying to impress Jodie Foster.

    1. And then she ends up being a lesbian. Sucker.

      1. “My partner and I would like a vial of sperm, and an applicator shaped like Jodie Foster’s knuckles.”

  13. Has any vocal high-profile defender of strict high moral standards, whether they be religious or secular, ever been proven to be an adherent of said standards?

    1. Not since Jesus, no.

      1. Osama was a lot like I was.

      2. Not since Jesus, no.

        And even he couldn’t layout a system immune to abuse. Burritos too hot to eat, sure (even though He could eat them. I think. The gospel is a little vague on that point.)

  14. Perhaps he was a fan of Reason favorite Extreme Associates?

    Their videos are products of a jaded, hypermediated era: explicit porn coupled with the over-the-top gore of slasher movies and the stunts and gross-out spectacles of reality TV. In the Extreme universe, women drink viscous cocktails of semen, spit, and other bodily fluids. Dead fish are considered sex toys. U.S. Marines save a female reporter from Osama bin Laden, then rape her themselves after cutting off Bin Laden’s head. Jesus comes down off the cross and rapes an angel.

    1. Sounds like your Saturday night, Commodore.

      1. Oh, yeah. Because I disapprove of simulated-rape porn, I must secretly be into it by your logic.

  15. Such an obvious propaganda piece it’s embarassing. Do they think and Arabs are gonna buy this? I don’t even buy it.

    If it was found in his bedroom where he was shot, as they are supposedly claiming, wouldn’t they have released this story much earlier?

    1. He was also a Lady Gaga fan.

      1. The real reason they haven’t released the photos is when he was shot, he wasn’t wearing the appropriate underwear for his gender.

      2. I changed my mind; it’s good that we killed him.

  16. I’m guessing that he kept accidentally typing “goatse” when he was really just hungry for goats.

  17. I am India’s expert in strategic defence and the father of India’s strategic program, including the Integrated Guided Missile Development Program and in my blog titled ‘Nuclear Supremacy For India Over U.S.’, which can be found by a Yahoo search with the title, I have shown that all terrorism and insurgencies in the Indian subcontinent and in much of the rest of the world are sponsored by the C.I.A. Both Pakistan’s ISI and India’s RAW function as branches of the C.I.A. and participate in terrorism and insurgencies throughout the subcontinent, under direction of the C.I.A. (Within the above blog look for ‘What You Should Know About RAW’).The goal of the U.S. invasion and occupation of Afghanistan and partial occupation of Pakistan is eventual occupation and overt colonial rule over the subcontinent as a whole; India is already under covert CIA rule, through RAW. To end this, India has said that five to six nuclear bombs have been prepositioned in various cities/countries such as New Delhi, Washington and New York — see my blog — for the nuclear destruction of New Delhi, Washington and New York and later the coast-to-coast destruction of the United States.
    Those who would like to educate themselves should go to my blog above which answers all questions (disregard abusive comments posted by operatives of CIA-RAW to discourage people from doing so). Satish Chandra

  18. I’m going to bet the “stash” was really about Digital steganography. You know, messages hidden in images in such a way that no one, apart from the sender and intended recipient, suspects the existence of the message. Also, I’m guessing the beard dyeing was about creating confusion around when the videos were recorded.

    But hey, ham-handed, publicity grabbing, lowest common denominator propaganda, sells papers and buys votes. And this was one guy who really deserved a smear campaign.

    1. Hiding intelligence in porn would be pretty clever.

      The Recipent: *decodes* “ahhh, ok.”

      Anyone Else: “BOOBIES” *decodes pants*

  19. Good thing this administration is too civilized to “spike the football.”

    1. This will go over great on the campaign trail.

      1. It’s a long way till November 2012… you’re going to have to find more people to kill.

        1. I have a list….

  20. I wonder when the bin Laden sex tape will leak to the internet.

    1. I’m uninstalling flash and silverlight now, as a precaution.

  21. The story said one video showed him in front of a blue sheet. Presumably that was for a blue screen effect; they probably wanted to show him apparently at some other location…like Disneyland or some such.

    1. Maybe he was making a guest appearance with Farfour.

        1. Damned alt-keys.

          Why is Pharrell beating up mickey mouse in that video?

      1. Do we know if bin Laden had a pet mouse?

  22. At least he didn’t have cigarettes or twinkies. That would have made him an terrible person.

    1. THIS JUST IN:

      More than half of osama’s video appearances taped in abandoned salt mines. SALT, THE TERRORIST KILLER. You heard it here first, at TheOnionIsNowReal.com

  23. Maybe, but what can you say about a target audience that considers watching dirty movies or dyeing your beard a bigger offense than murdering thousands of people?

    Didn’t the 9/11 hijackers spend a crapload of money at stripclubs?

  24. “The Goat Next Door”
    I once heard Osama was a lawyer..

  25. Wait, no, thats shee… oh..

  26. If shaving your beard is unIslamic, then how is dying it not?

  27. http://www.fivefingersoutlet2011.com

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  28. I think Reason Mag picked up on this some time ago: al-Qaeda is made up of Cow and Donkey fucking morons who blow themselves up before leaving their terrorist training camps:


    And I can’t find the article now, but I read some time ago that the Israeli porn industry is losing vast amounts of business because Saudi men are not allowed to purchase Israeli goods over the intertubes.

  29. Yep, the Taliban love their donkeys:


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