Reason Morning Links: New Drilling in the Gulf, the Fall of Detroit, Protesters Killed in Syria


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    1. Chavez is right. That show got cancelled by ABC because of low ratings, which meant less ad revenue, which is capitalism. And externalities. Progressives are always right.

      And externalities.

      1. leave me out of this you corksoaking icehole!

      2. Nice spoof, but Chad is the “extrenalities” guy. Tony is the “it’s not stealing when the government does it” guy.

    2. “”I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived and finished off the planet,” Chavez said in speech to mark World Water Day.”

      Wordl Water Day? And Reason missed it!

      1. They were probably too busy celebrating Waterworld Day.

        1. Quick, somebody send Dennis Hopper over to ruin their day.

          1. A rotting corpse will tend to do that.

        2. You mean Waterwordl day?

          1. It’s the national holiday for Seasteaders.

        3. I can’t wait for World Water Sports Day.

          1. Golden showers all around!

      2. Is Chavez’s goal to be as weird as Qadaffi?

      3. Someone should water Chavez’ head – maybe the Chia Pet pig will grow some green hair.

    3. Stupid translation error enters its 4th Century. The Italian for “channel” got mistranslated as “canal” and ever since then, its been one conspiracy after another. Also, “narf narf, narf narf narf narf”.

    1. Don’t you understand that the utter disdain the rich have for the workers is what leads to this violent outcry from the unions. They are fighting for their lives and the lives of their loved ones. It is appalling how you heartlessly mock the workers that make America great. International workers of the world, UNITE!

      1. Blah blah blah, git back to yer ash heap.

    1. The Fix Gun Checks Act of 2011 would greatly expand the definition of those legally prohibited from owning firearms to include anyone who’s ever been arrested ? even if never convicted or found guilty ? for drug possession within a five-year period.

      Schumer strikes again. Why not cut to the chase and drop the “? for drug possession within a five-year period” restriction?

      1. Hurray, ACORN people won’t have any guns come next election.

        1. Hurray, ACORN people won’t have any guns come next election.

          You assume they would worry about them being legal.

      2. Doo Possess, Foo flosses… something in the Constitution.

      3. The Fix Gun Checks Act of 2011 would greatly expand the definition of those legally prohibited from owning firearms to include anyone who’s ever been arrested ? even if never convicted or found guilty ? for drug possession within a five-year period.

        Schumer strikes again. Why not cut to the chase and drop the “? for drug possession within a five-year period” restriction?

        If people who had been arrested for drug possession are so dangerous, why not just herd them into internment camps or gas chambers?

    2. But the loss of veterans threatens to erode the quality of public services that make communities attractive, they say

      I have (had) several family members who work(ed) on the administrative side of public universities, and they seem to think the opposite. New hires still have some idealism left. After a few years, they realize that there is no benefit for a public employee to work any harder than the bare minimum. The longer they are there, the less they try.

      1. Just wait until the SS retirement age increases. You can look forward to another decade of quality public service from those employees!

        1. I thought pubsecs were excused from SocSec.

          1. changed in 1986. so you have to be hired before then and under the old system to be exempt.

      2. i took me a year to figure out that as a federal employee my work product really had no bearing on my pay and/or promotion potential. quality work would not be rewarded and poor work would not be held against me in terms of salary.

        1. that’s not entirely true under NSPS, but yeah, for GS folks, it is that way.

        2. So how were you evaluated? Quality/quantity of ass kissing?

          1. Like teachers, on length of service.

          2. that would have made sense. i recall meeting with my manager on job objectives and performance. but it didn’t tie into my salary — that was all based on what job I had and my time of service. i suppose those evaluations would have been used had I applied for a job at a higher grade. it’s not really a system that encourages people to grow. based on my office, those who wanted to advance left and those who did not were largely satisfied with their role and did not want to change. or they were hoping to wait our a a retirement somewhere that they could move into.

      3. If only that rule applied to their masters. The fuckers just keep trying

      4. Public sector employment is really where the managerialist philosophy has taken the greatest hold–the most innovative and energetic workers tend to get marginalized and targeted by their less ambitious and lazier peers, until they either leave the workplace or become as sluggish as their coworkers.

    3. “Not only am I losing salary and benefits and facing a bigger work load, but now they are taking away my rights,” says Ms. Herricks, a 56-year-old elementary school teacher. A teacher for 35 years who earns in the high 50s, Ms Herricks can now retire and collect nearly her former salary. “Retirement was supposed to be something happy. I’m so sad.”

      Poor lady. Get to retire at 56 and get paid $50,000/year for doing nothing. Truly, the face of modern day oppression.

      1. Edit: One of the commenters looked up her salary, and either she lied to the WSJ, or the WSJ got the wrong information because she is actually making $68,423 in base salary with $13,917 in fringe benefits. Oh, and she is planning to double dip by substitute teaching after she retires. I don’t really have the words to express my level of contempt for this woman.

        1. Maybe she meant her take home after taxes and all that… But 50k take home after 68k is really a lot of money!

      2. My company killed our defined benefit program (i.e., pension) 10 years ago and replaced it with a defined contribution program (i.e., 401K). I assume there is no way that I am retiring at 66 1/2, and I plan to work until 70 to 72.

        I have absolutely zero sympathy for teachers that might lose some part of their gold-plated public servant pension plan.

        1. This. I’m self-employed. Fuck their 25 years of “service”, I took an 11% pay cut to keep a contract and nobody’s paying my retirement and medical care.

          1. Judging by my family history, I won’t live long enough to retire. Ha, I get the last laugh!

          2. At least you get the benefit of paying double for your FICA.

    4. New gun-control legislation would prohibit those arrested but not convicted of drug crimes from possessing firearms

      Fucking due process, how does it work?

    5. You know, although I’m not advocating or urging anyone to do anything, if Schumer were to meet with an utimely end in some manner, I likely would break out into an impromptu dance of joy. If I lived closer to where his grave would be (and thank god I don’t), I would make the trip over there to piss on it.

      1. When the Republicans did so well in the mid-terms, a caller on a local radio program said, “I haven’t been this happy since Ted Kennedy died”.

        and i LAUGHED.

  1. When does Operation Syrian Freedom begin?

    1. 20 February 2007

  2. Doubt that allied air strikes will curb Gadaffi’s attacks.

    No shit? Same reason the Taliban couldn’t be eliminated with all the daisy-cutters in the world.

    1. When you’re bombing people back to the stone age, ensure that that actually means something to them.

    2. Bet I could eliminate Mount Rushmore with all the daisy-cutters in the world.

      1. Dear Michael Bay: save it for Red Dawn 3. You were born for this.

        1. Red Dawn 3: The Reddest and Dawnest

    3. well we didnt eliminate the indians either. but they dont seem a prob now

      1. Indians didn’t have US supplied Russian rocket launchers either.

        1. Merely the flaming arrows of the 20th Century.

          1. Merely the flaming arrows of the 20th Century.

            Then ICBM’s must be the trebuchets.

        2. They were being armed by the French, which seems a poor choice for military allies, although they helped us out just a few years later.

          1. The French also helped us beat the British. Granted their help was motivated by more strategic concerns but without it our Revolution might have turned out differently. For that I’ll always be grateful. Not that I won’t miss an opportunity to make fun of them, of course…

            1. I’m pretty sure we’re all square.

              1. I’m pretty sure we’re all square.

                I think they still owe us one. Although we werent really much help in ww1, so close enough to even.

            2. The French also helped us beat the British.

              Its almost like I heard that somewhere recently…oh yeah, when I wrote “they helped us out just a few years later”.

  3. Mayor Dave Bing said the city would seek a recount.
    “If we could go out and identify another 40,000 people that were missed, and it brings us over the threshold of 750,000, that would make a difference from what we can get from the federal and state government,” Mr. Bing said

    Anyone doubt that they’ll find them?

    1. Did they check under the cushions?

      1. We must get HERCULE TRIATHLON SAVINIEN on the case.

        1. Look, matey, I know a dead city when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

          Mayor: No no! ‘E’s pining!

      2. Alien abductions?

    2. Dig ’em up?

      1. that’s the Chicago way!

    3. I still love the idiot intern we had, who wanted she and her boyfriend to ride their bikes, from DC, all the way to Detroit, so they could ride through an abandoned city, just like in the photos she saw.

      When I told her that there were still at least a half million people in the city, she looked at me as if I just told her she had small badgers were crawling out of her nose and that her hair was also on fire.

      1. Riding a bicycle through Deetroit? And why exactly was the young woman suicidal?

        1. She was interning with JW in DC.
          I thought we covered that.

        2. The young lady needs to see ‘Gran Torino’ before she bikes through Detroit.

          1. And the opening of “Beverly Hills Cop” to see “the good old days.”

      2. I do want to drive to Mexico City and fly out. Yeah it’s stupid, but ADVENTURE!

    4. Detroit, other than a small footprint around the casino and stadium, is pretty much a wasteland. The coyotes are coming back, along with wild plains. Someday settlers will come and stake out their little bit of land to farm. Just like Little House on the Prairie, but with drugs n’ guns.

      1. I can’t find the link right now, but I remember a profile piece a few years ago about a Detroit resident who was making a living by trapping raccoons and squirrels in the old neighborhoods.

          1. “His woman left him in 1970 for a man he calls Slick Willy.”

            I had no idea that Hilary was previously married!

          2. “The paw is old school,” says Glemie Dean Beasley, a Detroit raccoon hunter and meat salesman. “It lets the customers know it’s not a cat or dog.”

          3. I had a Treeing Walker coonhound as a kid. She was awesome.

            1. We have a raccoon living the backyard. The cats are useless despite being very concerned.

              1. We only have a plague of squirrels in our backyard. Our Australian shepherd is VERY concerned, mostly because they refuse to be herded.

                1. Oh, but if they could be herded… you could finally raise that squirrel army you’ve had your eye since ’96.

                  1. It’s pack rats, SF. And I am *this close*.

              2. I’ll see you a raccoon and raise you an armadillo. The cat knew better than to mess with it. Little fucker wasn’t even afraid of me before I brought out the pellet gun. Even now, it grudgingly moves on when I open the screen door.

                1. Raccoons aren’t so bad, if you secure your trash cans. Possums are fairly gross up close but too slow and stupid to do anything.

                  My cats are indoor, so mostly they just run from one window to another and howl in alarm.

                  1. One night, two raccoons managed to get the drip tray off my grill and were dragging it around on my deck. Only time Ive seen them though.

                    The neighborhood possum makes irregular appearances, I almost hit him the other night with my car.

                    I turned the corner to find a deer standing in the middle of my street recently. It eventually meandered off. The deer bothered me because Im in a suburban area, not rural. I do have a park with woods and some other wooded areas nearby though.

                    1. My brother works a block from the capital in Topeka and had a white-tail doe run headlong into his office window last fall. He managed to photograph the slobber marks.

                  2. Kind of like Mother Jones commenters?

              3. I’ve got at least 8 deer and 15 turkeys. No rabbits, and very few squirrels and chipmunks, most likely because of the several coyotes and 1 bobcat. Lots of pileated woodpeckers. I love living in the woods.

                1. we have some mean ass coyote packs in the burbs and Golden/Westminster has had some Bobcat attacks…fucking nature, how does it work?

                  About SF’s cats…you need new ones. I had a cat that was the Conan of cats. He would prowl at night and bring down rabbits and squirls and other vermin. Nice kitty to people though, always brought his kills home to brag. Ended up noticing how he didnt need his humans and left one day.

                  Velcro, get it?

                2. Goddamn nonthreaded comments. I was replying to SugarFree.

                  1. And it was funny, A.

            2. I had a bear on my deck last summer. I opened the door to let the dogs out without realizing that she was out there. The “brave” dog bristled and growled but didn’t want to go out. The lazy dog chased the bear off the deck and into a tree.

              1. The lazy dog chased the bear off the deck and into a tree.<?i>

                Sounds like a promotion and new title are in order for that pup.

      2. Guns were an integral part of surviving on the prairie, for defense as well as food – that part will be no different. FWIW, my ancestors were among the original white settlers of Michigan.

      3. Detroit is Trantor? AWESOME!!!

        but I don’t think there is a Library.

    5. Ya it’s a pretty funny that, as a professional parasite, his first thought is “holy crap, we better figure out how to ‘fix’ these numbers” and not “hmmmm … I wonder why everybody is fleeing Detroit like it’s a third world shit hole? maybe I can do something about that?”

    1. I find it amusing that Media Matters pushes less reliance on facts and figures and more usage of branding and emotional appeals.

      I say amusing because if I really thought about it more, I would get pissed off and ruin my day.

    2. Brock is a former conservative writer at the American Spectator who was instrumental in efforts to discredit Anita Hill and to oust Bill Clinton, and who made a sharp left turn a decade ago

      Hopefully the rest of the Neo-Cons will go home now than the dems are once again the war party.

  4. Jersey does not pay enough for its failing schools despite having the highest per pupil costs in the nation… rules judge.….._left.html

    The ruling was based on Jersey’s School Funding Reform Act formula. Apparently people in Jersey are so bad at math they have judges do their problems.

    1. I married a lawyer, and I’m related to several more. In general terms, you’d be better off having 6th graders solve your mathematical dilemmas than having lawyers do it.

      1. Re: T,

        In general terms, you’d be better off having 6th graders solve your mathematical dilemmas than having lawyers do it.

        It will get to the point where you will prefer a 6th grader solves your legal dilemmas than having a lawyer do it… or a judge.

        1. Well, 6th graders often still care about fairness, so that’s something.

          1. yeah but thier retainers are gross.

            1. You can’t afford a PS3 and some mountain dew?

      2. I’d bet tort lawyers are pretty good with fractions (1/3 of x is what?) and divorce attorneys can divide by 2 to astounding precision.

  5. The latest from Libya: Doubt that allied air strikes will curb Gadaffi’s attacks.

    Troops on the ground
    Troops on the ground
    Lookin’ like a fool with no troops on the ground

    1. Yeah, we need to arm and train and feed and guide those poor rebels into nature’s most perfect form of government; the military Junta.

      1. we do north africa ground

  6. Re:Detroit
    Last one out, turn off the lights!

    1. RE:Re: Detroit

      Last one out, steal the light bulb.

      1. Last one out, cap the light bulb.

        1. On second thought, the wiring will all be long gone by the time Detroit is empty.

          Last one out, blow out the candle!

      2. Unless it’s a CFL, then break it to make the city just a bit more toxic and uninhabitable than it already is.

      3. I’m supporting Snake Plissken for mayor.

        1. Oh, a new Kurt Russell vehicle. Escape from the D.

          1. Screw making a movie. How much could it cost at this point to buy up the rest of the city, wall it off an make the premise real?

            1. The first step, of course, is to privatize the police force…

              1. I’d buy that for a dollar!

            2. ooh, new reality TV show. Still, we’re gonna have to dump some celebrities in there. Sean Penn to start off. Rosie O’Donnell. Nancy Grace. George Clooney and Hugh Grant (need to have someone with an accent). Etc…

              1. Nancy Grace.

                I would pay untold riches to view that foul, baby eating, walking urinal cake try and escape from that terran purgatory know as Detroit.

            3. Emminent Domain = Confiscate the whole thing for almost nothing
              Cost of the Wall – I dunno but if the Russkies could build a wall around Berlin how hard could it be?

              Wait, except we’re out of money. Maybe the Chinese would do it for us, being experienced with gulags and wall building?

              1. Build the wall with money confiscated from the prison guard union pensions. Then fire them.


            4. Let me be clear.

              I have repeatedly said that I am open to good ideas. I am therefore starting the implemention of SugarFree’s suggestion by earmarking the revenue from our “Cash for Clunkers” program for this very purpose. Detroit will be renamed “SugarFree City” in his honor.

              1. While I am honored, I offer up naming rights to the highest bidder… “The Geico-Pepsi Banishment Zone” has a nice ring to it.

                1. Maybe Comerica would buy the naming rights.

                  1. Based on personal experience, naming rights are not a good value. And just try getting out of the contract.

                2. I think you’re on to something – and you can send the insufferable gecko there while you’re at it.

                3. Coventry. Duh.

            5. No president will allow it until we elect one without female children.

            6. Would Oklahoma City FINALLY get an MLB franchise?

              1. If it was up to me, they could have three, Restoras.

            7. Are the former governors of California and Montana going to be included in this?

              1. tribal leaders…yeah, i can see that.

      4. Who thought that they’d use those motors to leave?

    2. Delta City, here we come!

  7. Here’s an epic rant a few of you might appreciate……..ket-Ticker

    Oh, and something to make you a little more pissed off……..ified.html

    Now where the heck did I leave my monicle…Jeeves! Little help over here!

    1. We just weren’t paying that inspector enough. Republicans mumble mumble.

    2. Thanks for linking to The Market Ticker, Restoras. I believe many of us appreciate Karl’s blogging and associated comments, even though he maintains a somewhat more, um, civil site than H&R.

      1. I’m a fan. He’s a strange mix of red-in-tooth-and-claw capitalist, and protectionist liberal. When he sticks to economics and isn’t complaining about how we should have tariffs and stuff, he’s quite good.

        1. Karl comes on with Ron Smith on WBAL fairly regularly. It’s never dull, that’s for sure.

        2. Honestly, the best part of his stuff is that all the charts he uses, which show how fucked up things have been and still are, all come from government data sources.

  8. The Palestinians are so fucking stupid.

    They are the neocons of the Middle East. They make every policy decision with their “manhood”. Dumbasses.

    1. I think they think that if anough of them get killed, they can topple the pil of bodies onto Israel and squash it.

      1. THAT would actually have a chance to work.

        “Let’s blow up a bus station today,” has no chance.

        If that was going to work, it would have worked by now.

        You’d think that after watching Egypt and Tunisia they would realize that just walking up to the checkpoints one at a time and demanding a rubber bullet actually might get them somewhere. But nooooooooooooooo. They’re too wrapped up in their “honor”.

        1. They’re too wrapped up in their “honor”.

          Besides sand and goats, it’s all they have. And hate.

          1. And anger. Don’t fucking forget *that*!

          2. Don’t forget the billions in foreign aid.

          3. All I know is “sand,” and “goat”…and “hate.”

        2. You’d think that after watching Egypt and Tunisia they would realize that just walking up to the checkpoints one at a time and demanding a rubber bullet actually might get them somewhere.

          This strategy worked really well for protestors in Yemen, Bahrain and Syria.

          1. It actually appears to be about to succeed in Yemen.

            There is some question in my mind whether Israel could consistently respond to a nonviolent mass movement in the same manner as Bahrain and Syria. Lieberman, McCain, Graham and Palin would support them, but those guys aren’t the whole world.

            1. There is some question in my mind whether Israel could consistently respond to a nonviolent mass movement in the same manner as Bahrain and Syria.

              I suspect the Israelis would find a non-violent mass movement in Palistan supremely easy to ignore. As they should. Its not their country, why should they care?

              1. Well, I’m picturing protestor encampments surrounding all the settlements and daily marches to try to push through the security checkpoints. And unarmed guys with ladders going over the wall in hundreds of places at once.

                It would be like that time the aid ship ran the naval blockade, only x100 and every day.

            2. Ironically the Palestinians have no experience with non-violence. Only violence.

    2. I hear that they wanted to send a squadron of suicide bombers to Libya but they can’t find any planes to drop them from.

    3. The Palestinians are so fucking stupid.

      They are the neocons of the Middle East.

      Why do you think none of the other Arabic tribes want them in their backyards? Good enough to use to blame the Jews for every sin on the planet but not good enough to give up some of their land for the perpetually nomadic Palestinians. Kinda like that drunk uncle that does magic tricks and plays pull my finger.

  9. The great Elizabeth Taylor is no longer with us.

    1. Was she ever, really?

  10. Is Debbie Reynolds still alive? If so: High fives, Debbie.

    1. Yes, but it doesn’t matter. Liz still won that face-off – after all she (woo woo) got Eddie Fisher.

  11. Chavez, who also holds capitalism responsible for many of the world’s problems, warned that water supplies on Earth were drying up.
    “Careful! Here on planet Earth where hundreds of years ago or less there were great forests, now there are deserts. Where there were rivers, there are deserts,”

    Yes, Hugo, it is appalling what those capitalist swine are doing to the forests.

    1. You missed the best line, Chavez said, sipping from a glass of water.

      Now that’s an image you can take home and write about.

    2. And, where, pray tell is the water going? It somehow escaping the atmosphere?

      You ever notice that the “ZOMG running out of WATUR!” types are also the ones talk about hydrogen cells… a technology that destroys water

      1. Hydrogen cells make water.

        1. By destroying our precious oxygen!

          We cannot allow the creation of an Oxygen Gap!

        2. Ah, the mysteries of technology…

          OK then, the water cars they want run on electrolysis of water to burn oxygen and hydrogen. I’m still technically correct that hippies want to destroy water. Technically correct… the best kind of correct.

          1. Guards! Bring me the forms I need to fill out to have her taken away.

          2. OK then, the water cars they want run on electrolysis of water to burn oxygen and hydrogen.

            You can also get hydrogen using hydrocarbons and bio-mass as feedstocks.


            1. It’s the irony of hydrogen cars.

              -They can run on hydrogen!

              -Awesome! What’s the most plentiful source of hydrogen?


              1. Thought the most plentiful source was water – both fresh and salt?

      2. To be fair, don’t the cells themselves put water back together?

        It’s plants who are the real water destroyers. No more photosynthesis. We need to cut down more rainforests! Also, burn more oil to release the water that was stolen from the world millions of years ago by sinister plants.

      3. Goddamn sandtrout.

    3. Awesome, I always wanted to live on Dune.

    4. Just realized Ice Nine is a perfect handle to discuss hydro issues. Maybe Chavez will suggest that freezing the world’s water will preserve it. Wait, that’s exactly what happened to Mars!

    5. Only leftists would worry about running short of something that literally falls from the sky.

      1. Or people who live in places where there are water shortages. Of course my answer to that would be “don’t live there, stupid”, but there are places where water is a scarce resource.
        It is funny that so many people don’t seem to realize that water is a very local resource. Just because water is short in some places doesn’t mean that everyone needs to conserve water.

        1. Or people who live in places where there are water shortages. Of course my answer to that would be “don’t live there, stupid”,

          Reminds me of the old Sam Kinnison bit – along the lines of hey, assholes, don’t live in the fucking desert! Move to where the McDonalds are!

          1. I see The Gobbler beat me to it!

          2. God bless that man–he was the biggest realtalker of the last 30 years and managed to hold off the PC cancer in this nation all by himself during his glorious run. I can’t imagine how much fun he’d have mocking the current state of things today.

  12. Another news link that Radley forgot to post:

    Radley is selling out to Huffington Post and quitting Reason.

    1. I blame the so-called “free market”, in a properly regulated internet, nobody could pay authors more or less than a union set wage, adjusted for seniority.
      That way your Balkos would never have to worry about money or readership and we would get more essays on important subjects like the need for increased subsidies for organic lesbian owned artisan cheese making.

      1. organic lesbian owned artisan cheese making

        Back off, man. The Cowgirl Creamery makes some great cheese.

        1. Ah, man, you’re making me miss living in Marin County – and there isn’t a lot anymore that can do that.

          1. I’d love to live somewhere that made great cheese. I’d probably die in a few years, but it would be a great few years.

            1. I’d love to live somewhere that made great cheese.

              Heh heh, SugarBrie.

            2. I’d love to live somewhere that made great cheese.

              Heh heh, SugarBrie.

        2. sandwiches too.

    2. Yesterday’s news, man. Do keep up.

      1. you mad bro?

    3. Radley is crossing a picket line to go to work for the Huffington Post?

      YOU SCAB!

    4. He’s just winning his own future.

    5. Good for Radley. With the exception of a few idiots who will never change their mind anyway, he is just preaching to the choir here.

      And he needs the money for all his baby mamas.

      1. Let’s just hope that our collective nuts don’t atrophy from lack of weekly boot-stompings.

      2. I think the potential increase in his readership, and certainly the ability to expose his subject matter to a wider audience, is a great thing. If I were him, I’d probably have done the same thing, although I don’t know how I’d handle all the typical stupid over there.

  13. Census: Detroit has lost 25 percent of its population.

    Or they hid from the Census data collector. It’s a conspiracy!

    1. Should we be encouraged that 25% of Detroit’s population was rational enough to get out? Or discouranged that 75% are irrational enough to stay?

  14. Looks like troops on the ground in Libya is the next step. Lovely.

    1. I’m going to get out in front on this one and start calling for a surge now.

    2. Oh! Oh! Oh! It’s a lovely war,
      Who wouldn’t be a soldier eh?

      Oh! It’s a shame to take the pay.
      As soon as reveille is gone
      We feel just as heavy as lead,
      But we never get up till the sergeant brings
      Our breakfast up to bed

      Oh! Oh! Oh! It’s a lovely war,
      What do we want with eggs and ham
      When we’ve got plum and apple jam?
      Form fours! Right turn!
      How shall we spend the money we earn?

      Oh! Oh! Oh! It’s a lovely war.

    3. Initiate Operation Reverse Hannibal!

    4. Time to start Operation Reverse Hannibal

    5. We are moving up to invade nicer places. We started with AFghanistan, the world’s worst shithole. Then moved to Iraq, which is a shithole but a little nicer and now we are in the Med.

      1. On to Italy!

        1. Let’s capture the Vatican and install an American pope.

    6. Hey, I know – how about we bring back the draft?

  15. The latest from Libya: Doubt that allied air strikes will curb Gadaffi’s attacks.

    And here I thought the goal was to stop him from flying his airplanes… I didn’t seem to get the memo that the goal was to curb his attacks.

    1. USDA pizza web page:…..cooked.asp

      1. jesus did I read that a pepperoni pizza has 1.2 megajoules of energy?

        (now that I think about it the methane I realease is pretty powerful)

  16. Speaking of the Huffington Post:

    Some of their asshole nonpaid “contributors” have gone “on strike”. And the frickin newspaper unions are backing them up.

    If unpaid contributors to the Huffington Post can go on strike, so can unpaid contributors to Reason.

    SugarFree, John and I should announce a “strike” and see if we can get the newspaper guild to back us up.

    No more UPS deliveries for you guys, Reason. Not until you fork over some dough.

    1. I’m with Fluffy!

      1. Damn! Where will I get my (non-functional)links now?

        1. Your mom. HURR DURR

          1. Your mom.

            Unlikely. She’s currently posting on Jezebel and Feministing.

      2. Great. Now all we have to look forward to is an endless stream of Golden Girls porn, MNG’s spastic, vomitous colon and GREGOOOOOOOOO!

      3. I can’t believe Balko’s going over to that shithole.

        1. They moderate open discussions.
        2. They have an anti-individual liberty mentality.
        3. They are slaves to progressivism.
        4. They pass propaganda as fact…no vetting.

        It’s a shame that he’s leaving a site notorious for full disclosure, accurate vetting and unmoderated commentary for one known to be abong the strictest in the biz. Either tow the lion or GTFO. Hopefully he’ll be back within a few months.

        1. Try calling certain people sheep fuckers.

        2. How dare he take a better paid job and reach more people? What an asshole.

          1. I get that part of it, but not the part where he has to sell out to do it.

            I may be wrong on that. Maybe Balko’s threads will be unmoderated, his stories will be properly vetted and he will be allowed to be for individual liberty. Until I see that, I’m a bit skeptical.

            Nothing wrong with bettering your career. I just hate to see someone (especially one of our own) make a deal with the devil to do it.

    2. My contributions have a negative dollar value so count me out. You don’t represent us!

    3. I have cost Reason money by getting them sued, so I’d better not make any threats.

      1. You could threaten to post more.

        1. Yes, what union toolbox would be complete without extortion?

          I’ll go picket Radley, he’s closest to me.

          1. Radley could have made an excellent goon before he lost all that weight. What a waste.

            1. I wonder if he ever worked as a bouncer.

              1. I wonder how one gets started in the leg-breaking business. Do you need venture capital?

                1. I depends if you want to work for someone else or yourself. You can just break random people’s legs, but it’s not very profitable.

                  1. I do it for love, not money.

                    1. Follow your passion. Do what you love; the money will follow. Just be the best at whatever is you choose to do. Do it and do it well.

                    2. That’s the advice I always give. It is the hardest advice to take until you figure out what it is that you love. That can take a long time and cost a lot in pain and sweat.

                  2. You have to think of it as marketing.

      2. Found this just for you.…..pecial-25/

    4. Unions don’t exist for talented people, they exist to make sure that untalented people also get a piece of the pie.

      1. Re: Tim,

        Unions […] exist to make sure that untalented people also get a piece of the pie.

        Well, talented or not, they are nothing more than barriers to entry, a remnant of the merchantilist mentality.

        1. I wasn’t defending them, but in retrospect it does sound that way.

      2. untalented huh?

        1. Yes, unions (at least, teachers and shop unions and the like) exist for the sake of the worst people in their respective field or place of employment, but it doesn’t mean that talented people don’t still join, assuming they even have a meaningful choice. Generally, unions try to ensure that they do not, to make the lowest-common-denominator tendencies less clear.

    5. Is it too soon to start making death threats?

    6. I will gladly step over your picket line. Shall I expect you to beat me about the head and shoulders and picket my house, calling me out as a scab?

  17. What an utter clusterfuck in Libya. Forget comprehensible goals, they’re arguing, Alphonse and Gaston style, about who is(n’t) going to be in charge.

    And it appears to be dawning on some of them that there is no conceivable long-term plan that doesn’t involve either (a) a military presence, (b) nation-building, or (c) both.

    It would appear that the sum total of the administration’s long-term thinking on this was that Gaddafi would die of a heart attack when the first bomb was dropped, and that Libyans would spontaneously abandon their time-honored tribalism and turn into the Swiss.

    1. I think the sum total of their thinking was:

      “The people on CNN keep talking about how we have to DO SOMETHING. Please make those mean people on CNN stop.”


      If it was about democracy or “the momentum of the Arab Spring” we certainly have a lot of leverage going unlevered in Bahrain and Yemen.


        OR SYRIA!

        1. and for god’s sake don’t mention the war. I may have mentioned it a little bit, but I don’t think they noticed.

      2. Syria. If we were going to start bombing someone in the name of Democracy why the hell not Syria. Gadafi hasn’t caused trouble in years. Syria in contrast is Iran’s junior partner.

    2. The jet crash incident was a word to the wise.

    3. Libyans would spontaneously abandon their time-honored tribalism and turn into the Swiss.

      They lack mini-marshmallow technology

  18. Wait, you’re questioning one of our greatest wartime leaders?!

    1. Re: Ice Nine,

      Wait, you’re questioning one of our greatest wartime leaders?!

      And greatest literary genius ever, to boot?

    2. The new grofaz?

    3. Nobel Peace Laureates know their war business.

  19. Armed Beauty Queen Fatally Shoots Intruder in Florida Home Invasion

    When a burly ex-convict forced his way into a posh Florida home last week, he had no idea what awaited him — a 25-year-old beauty queen with a pink .38-caliber handgun.…..z1HNTXyuWL

    1. The real crime here is how ugly the girl’s fiance is.

      1. Mebbe you missed the part in the story where she’s got a $60K engagement ring.

    2. Hawt

    3. Good thing she killed him – the dude would have had hard time living it down in prison if he had been shot and foiled by a 25 year-old, 110-pound beauty queen with a pink pistola.

    4. “She was not a good shot at the range,” [her fiance] quipped.

      She saved your scrawny ass, motherfucker.

  20. For those of you not on the SMITH SMITH twitter feed, I’d like to note the pleasing symmetry that Steve Smith and Steven Smith are now following STEVE SMITH. Soon it will reach a critical mass of Steves and STEVE SMITH will become there leader.

    Buy deadbolts.

    1. Jesus. When they learn to use their thumbs, we’re done for.

    2. The Tao of Trog will then sweep the world.

    3. *their*

      Hopefully, in the Sasquatch apocalypse to come, I will be able to type. But I doubt it.

      1. I didn’t know sasquatch could get diabetes.

  21. Remember, brutal takedowns are awesome when fat kids do them, but not so awesome when fat pigs do them. He wins bonus points for ineffective clubbing, too.

    1. WTF? Do you see the dent he punched in the car?

      “PCP. Probably broken every bone in his hand.”

      1. *broke* I need a nap.

    2. Damn he really is ineffective at clubbing. I mean I hope he’s fired (charges?) but the beating didn’t really seem like more than a nuisance to the girl after she got involved.

      1. Service Unavailable

        HTTP Error 503. The service is unavailable.

        1. Both links worked for me.

          1. Of course they did.

      2. I need to book my trip to Scandinavia and Russia ASAP.

        1. I need a map just for the US. The chances of my ever making it back over to Russia are pretty slim

    1. I was feeling pretty good about my homeys and myself until I realized the color key was metric.

      I’m a little concerned about the grey areas on the map, though.

    2. “World dong sizes, helpfully presented as a Google map”

      Doesn’t seem right to me. Considering the USA is mostly made up of Europeans, Africans and Hispanics, it seems counterintuitive to think that we would end up with an average so much less than countries we originated from. Are the asians really dragging us down that much? Damn H-1Bs.

    3. For the sake of women everywhere, I hope those measurements are in centimeters.

    4. Always good to see that NZ is > Australia. 🙂

      1. But NZ cup sizes are smaller.

        1. It’s a measuring error. The breasts only look smaller next to those gargantuan penises.

    5. Huh. Nice to see I’m only average in The Sudan.

  22. Are we putting Marines on the ground?

    This is a poorly written story, but it looks like we’ve got Marines on their way to Lybia. Looks like the local media by Camp Lejune didn’t get the STFU memo from the network.

    1. It’s the first line of their fight song, you know they’ve been dying to go back for 200 years.

      1. Second. Don’t encourage another invasion of Mexico, dude.

        1. I was thinking of it as the second half of the first line. Anyway, I fully support invading Mexico every spring break. Or anytime you need cheap dental work.

        2. The Pendleton-Tiajuana weekend passes don’t count?

  23. You shouldn’t need a god damn permit to take advantage of unclaimed property.

  24. Can I create a wikileaks or napster for books?

  25. I suspect the Israelis would find a non-violent mass movement in Palistan supremely easy to ignore. As they should. Its not their country, why should they care?

    They seem to be inordinately fond of building settlements in that “not their country”.

    The Israelis unequivocally recognizing that it is not their country might go some way to ending this conflict.

    Not that the Palistinians have shown any real competence in self-governance. The only party that is not a bunch of kleptocrats are Hamas. And they’re just homicidal psycopaths.

  26. I would just like to ask, if Radley is leaving, can we make him take dunphy with him?

    1. Like working at HuffPo won’t be painful enough, cmon Brooks.

  27. If we bomb Syria, or otherwise offer aid and comfort to the resident Enemies of the State, they’ll stop doing our subcontract torture.

  28. French National Front makes “historic” gains in local elections

    Unfortunately, no Enlightened Cosmopolitans? hanging from lamposts…. yet.

  29. I was feeling pretty. That was thinking of it as the second half of the first line.

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