F'n Libertarians


The most improbable and hilarious sentence you'll read today:

I was in rush hour the other [sic] observing some self-centered dude blocking four lanes and snarling traffic for blocks to spare himself a minor inconvenience and it occurred to me that the logical result of our recent embrace of vulgar libertarianism is a total breakdown of social order.

A similar thing happened to me over the weekend. I twisted my ankle playing pick-up basketball. As I clenched my jaw in pain, I could only look up to the sky, shake my fist angrily, and curse the name Robert Nozick.

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  1. I curse the liberals who gave us the ROADZ!!!11!!

    1. I curse the liberal Roman Emperors for building the first highways! Oh, wait a tic…

      Maybe, just maybe, suffocating liberal paternalism ISN’T the same thing as basic government functions. Maybe – and I might be WAY off base here, but hold on – maybe there were such things as police and roads and schools BEFORE liberalism, so you might be a cockholster for claiming that without liberals, we would all ride our mocassins through goat paths while blackguards waylaid errant travelers every five feet.

      Maybe. Just spit-balling here.

  2. Digby is such a fucking libtard. You’d think he’d be riding the 720 to his work because of his mass transit fetish. But he is another hypocritical Westside liberal twat. It’s very very unlikely that there’s another libertarian on LA roads, the asshole driver is very likely a limo liberal.

    1. Who is this “Digby” person? In passing at the end of last year I saw this name mentioned as one of the top liberal blogs/influencers and I have never even heard of him or her before?

      1. 2nd Archbishop of the Fosterite Church of the New Revelation.

        1. Brett,

          Thou art god, share water

      2. WALTER: Shut the fuck up, Donny. This kid is in the ninth grade, Dude, and his father is–are you ready for this?– Arthur Digby Sellers.

        DUDE: Who the fuck is that?

        WALTER: Huh?

        DUDE: Who the fuck is Arthur Digby Sellers?

        1. That’s over near the In-N-Out Burger.

        2. I nominate ClubMedSux for thread winner.

      3. Seriously? You’ve never heard of Edward “Max” Digby before? He’s done some great opinion pieces on Ron Pual.

  3. Right. Because liberals are never rude or inconsiderate drivers. Political views are obviously the best predictor of driving behavior.

    What? In my experience, being a selfish asshole is pretty well distributed across the political spectrum.

    1. Nah, they’re just slow ‘cuz their hybrid’s got no horsepower.

    2. And bad drivers did not exist until the Tea Party movement emerged.

      This is as bad as Obama’s “The recession was caused by rampant deregulation.”

  4. The stupid is strong in this one.

  5. It’s gotten to the point where leftist morons have said “we want libertarian to mean -insert pejorative here- so that’s now what it means to us”. Reality has no bearing on the situation.

    Way to go, leftists; you seem to be striving to make there be no common cause between you and libertarians, ever, since they are now your object of hatred.

    1. In my experience, they’ve always hated libertarians. Like the conservatives, they will try to pretend not to for a short time if they see some political advantage to be gained. They may even use words that sound libertarian.

      But they seriously fucking hate us.

  6. I was jogging this morning. I came to a stop light, pushed the button, and ran in place while waiting for my turn. When the light finally changed, I got half way across the street when some jackass made a left turn across the street from behind me and almost ran me over…

    I couldn’t help but think to myself, “So this is what Progressivism has finally come to?!”

    1. Wait a sec. Was it a blue Chevy with Oregon plates?

      1. You bastard!

  7. I’m confused. Was the point that the the punishment wasn’t strong enough to actually discourage behavior or that the enforcement was too arbitrary? Because I’m pretty sure those are addressed better in libertarian philosophy than, say progressive philosphy.

    1. I’m confused with you, but I think your guess is a bit too sophisticated for digby. The only things I came up with are:
      1. This dude was blocking traffic. Libertarians block progressive laws. Libertarians are responsible for all the problems our wonderful progressive laws would surely have fixed.
      2. The dude blocking traffic was selfish. Libertarians are selfish. The dude is a libertarian.

      1. Good point. I shouldn’t anthropomorphise this ‘digby’ with human properties like thought.

        1. I like this guy Digby.

            1. ARFARFARFARFARFARF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

              1. I wanna have his bastard kids

                1. And I’ll play the part of their baby daddies because digby has more important things to do with his time.

      2. 2. The dude blocking traffic was selfish. Libertarians are selfish. The dude is a libertarian.

        Whereas when I’m driving, I figure: The dude blocking traffic was selfish and didn’t think of the costs that would be distributed over all the other drivers on the road. Statists never care about such costs. Therefore the dude is a statist.

        Ah well. Fun game.

      3. Ah, you’re leaving out the critical fact that the car was expensive.

        2b. Libertarians wear top hats and monocles. People who wear top hats and monocles drive expensive cars. The dude’s car was expensive. The dude is a libertarian.

        1. I thought we all had drivers.

        2. It’s the monocle. It completely throws off depth perception.

  8. to spare himself a minor inconvenience

    Liberals and Progressives, on the other hand, are renowned the world over for their propensity to suffer in patient silence.

  9. protect me digby, you’re my only hope

  10. there always seems to be some entitled, selfish ass in an expensive car making it worse for everyone else these days.

    Again with the Obama-bashing.

      1. That’s racist talk!

        1. Was he clean and articulate?

          1. High-speed rail could have prevented all of this, dammit!!!

  11. CBS Atlanta’s Rebekka Schramm asked Franklin, “How are we going to keep up with who’s who and who’s on the roads and who’s not supposed to be on the roads?”

    “That’s a great question,” Franklin said. “And I would have to answer that with a question, ‘Why do you need to know who’s who?'”

    “What about 12-14-year-olds who want to drive? What would stop them?” Schramm asked.

    “Well, what’s stopping them now anyway?” Franklin answered.

    Holy shit, that guy’s awesome.

    I’m surprised reading that didn’t put this “Digby” person in Intensive Care.

    1. I’ve been wondering for a while now what the purpose of registering your vehicle is, and why your insurance company can’t issue yor drivers license.

      1. [cha-ching]

        1. Yeah, pretty much. I grew up in a non-car-owning culture, so I was pretty naive about all the cultural minutia that surrounds car ownership when I was exposed to them for the first time. When I got around to the “registration” bit, all I could think was, “Why does this exist, other than to extract more money from people?”

      2. It’s just a tax with elaborate trappings.

  12. “…some self-centered dude blocking four lanes and snarling traffic for blocks to spare himself a minor inconvenience…(of scraping the Obama sticker off his bumper)’

  13. I love how he throws aroung terms like ‘common good’ like they actually have any meaning.

  14. As I clenched my jaw in pain, I could only look up to the sky, shake my fist angrily, and curse the name Robert Nozick.

    Curse the man who invented helium! Curse Pierre-Jules-Cesar Janssen!

    1. “Ah, got you, my rumpy doppelganger.”

  15. Fuckin’ libertarians… how do they work?

  16. Am I the only one who was expecting the link to go to John Cole?

    1. I was expecting Mark Morford. The guy who literally thought Obama was a Second Jesus or something.

    2. It does fit Cole’s “bitch about everything that personally inconveniences me and attribute it to my political opposite” style of blogging.

  17. Hey, Digby, if you’re reading this… did you stop every single rude driver and get his/her/its political affiliation?

    Yeah, I thought not.

  18. You know where else people are inconsiderate? Somalia.

  19. “Fuckin’ Libertarians!”

    would seem an appropriate name for a libertarian sex/and or dating website

    or maybe just an x tube analogue.

    (or maybe “Liberty Lovin'”)

    anyway, where can I get some Thiel money in on this exciting web venture?

  20. Well, to do exactly the same thing, if you want to see somebody not paying any attention to speed limits, stop signs, and turn signals (and putting more CO2 into the air), here in Maryland your looking at a Volvo driver with a baby on board placard and “I voted for Obama” bumber sticker.

  21. Digby needs to send his resume over to Balloon Juice, although that post maybe too nuanced for the BJ crowd.

  22. Never mind the fact that digby was driving on government roads according to government law.

  23. ” some self-centered dude blocking four lanes”

    How can one car block 4 lanes???

    1. People who are assumed to be libertarians for the purpose of incoherent ranting have awesome and sundry powers.

    2. Maybe he was towing a Uhaul.

      1. Uhaul

        Self-centered bastard! Where’s the People’s hauler?

        1. Uhaul; Weprofit.

    3. one of them there big American Carz! Made back in the day when certain people weren’t allowed on golf courses!

  24. Paul Campos had a column some years ago wherein he literally blamed Ayn Rand readers for poor traffic flow and rude drivers, so this would seem to be in the same vein.

  25. the logical result of our recent embrace of vulgar libertarianism

    Horseshit. Just who is this “our” that has embraced “vulgar libertarianism”? And what happened to the argument that libertarianism is a weird fringe belief that nobody will “embrace”?

    1. KOCHTOPUS!!!!!!11!!


      1. Koch is every where! In my local paper this morning, a rabid libtard is fuming about the Koch.…..the_public

        The Republican right is moving full-scale against the Affordable Care Act, which offered the first potential health care reform in decades. They want North Carolina to sue the federal government to kill it, totally if possible, marginally if not ? no reason needed.

        This is the agenda Art Pope and David Koch have bought for the right ? destroy anything that might be useful to the public and take care of rich folks, at any cost.

        Rep. Howard Coble, R-6th, voted against the Affordable Care Act. He always follows the Art Pope and Republican playbook, no matter the subject. He does not need judgment.

        Why is Coble still there? He adds nothing and contributes nothing. A businessman was asked, “Why do you send Howard back to Washington? He never does anything useful or otherwise.” The man replied, “That is why we send him back; he does nothing.”

        Rep. Brad Miller, D-13th, is there fighting effectively for ordinary people, despite the despicable right-wing hate campaign against him in the News & Record. I think the News & Record favors such attacks. The comparison is stark and revealing. Hang in there, Brad.

        William A. Franklin

        He makes Coble sound positively dreamy, but unfortunately he is nowhere near as good as described here. As for Brad Miller, the biggest air head I have ever personally met. Makes John Edwards look like Cicero in comparison.

        1. Who exactly is the Art Pope and with a title like that why would a Republican Congressman of all people be following him?

          Does Julian Schnabel have a cult in North Carolina that we know nothing about?

          1. He’s the boogieman in local libtard fantasies.

        2. He never does anything useful or otherwise

          My kinda congresscritter!

  26. I saw the bearded fuck in his hemp shirt in my rear view mirror shaking his fist when I finally got tired of his pussy driving ass and I cut him off. You should have seen him stammer! At the next light he was already on his iPhone making an entry to his blog. Last thing I heard were the sound of horns blowing from behind him, and him yelling back at them, “wait a fucking minute! I’m serving the common good, you selfish bastards!”

  27. But they seriously fucking hate us.

    Question Authority: just not ours.

    “What do you mean, you don’t agree with everything we believe, you depraved fiend?”

  28. I think the qualifier “vulgar” saves the sense of what the quotee wrote.

  29. Digby is a hack.

    Oh and I am pretty sure Digby is a girl

    1. First name: Eleanor

      1. All the lonely people. Where do they all come from?

    2. Digby would like to be a girl, but actually he’s just gay. Extremely gay. NTTAWWT.

  30. the logical result of our recent embrace of vulgar libertarianism is a total breakdown of social order.

    So, stop embracing it ya fuckhead.

    Clearly, we need a cabinet level Dept of Social Order.

  31. some self-centered dude blocking four lanes

    I’ve tried and tried, and I can only block two lanes at a time. Even when I park in the middle of the road at right angles to the traffic “flow” to run into the monocle shop. What was this guy driving?

    1. I’m wondering about the “snarling traffic for blocks” part. “Blocks” implies that this was downtown somewhere rather than on an interstate. So why the fuck didn’t everybody else just detour around the blockage? Or do only selfish libertarians know how to adjust to a changed situation?

    2. While my butler runs in to buy my canes and top hats I have him park diagonally in the middle of the road, which blocks 3 lanes. Even my large SUV can barely manage this number, however.

      1. Mine uses the handicap spots. My entourage uses the three to four lanes adjacent to the Top Hats R’ Us to secure my walking area.

    3. Probably an F-350 Super Duty. With Minnesota plates.

      1. Sorry, no libtard would step within 100 feet of a hate, eco spewing F350 in MN. Maybe a convoy of Priuses (Prii?)

  32. I never drover OTR, but do have a Class A CDL and have driven various Class B to A vehicles in urban areas. I feel pretty confident in saying that stupid comes in all flavors when it comes to driving.

  33. It may have been one, or it may have been two, or three, or four, or five or none at all. I’m a silly, silly girl. Math class is hard!

  34. I was just thinking: if this sort of behavior proves that the driver is a libertarian, then everybody in the Washington D.C. metro area is a libertarian.

    Seems sorta unlikely.

    1. Especially Metro. I tend to use Metro buses as cover. I figure if the bus is blocking the intersection, I might as well go anyway.

  35. What’s funny about the statement is the idea that anybody has been embracing any kind of libertarianism lately. American right-wing libertarianism is the most marginal political cult in the world. There are more believing Scientologists and Moonies.

    1. This is Ron Paul’s cock, Max. Suck it. Suck it!

      1. Yumm, that’s some mighty good cock!!! Same time tomorrow?

  36. Is he sure the guy blocking traffic wasn’t a mere scofflaw?

  37. What the fuck is a Digby?

  38. Sounds like Canadian driving to me.

  39. vulgar libertarianism

    hey i got called that by Rad Geek…

    I mention the Hit and Run thread, though, mainly because it contains the nicest illustration you could possibly hope for of vulgar libertarian reasoning.

    Though on a second reading he may have been calling RC Dean the Vulgar libertarian.

    Is Rad Geek the same guy who wrote this?

    1. Probably better evidence of a hive-mind at work in that instance.

      Obama better hope that Axelrod left his Continuity binder on astroturfing behind for Plouffe, or these folks won’t have any idea what kind of form rant to send to their local newspaper.

  40. The Libertarian’s car wasn’t blocking all four lanes. Mostly, it was the dead bodies of seniors and people that were denied health care he stacked on either side of his car that blocked the lanes.

  41. Digby, you do realize that on a private road, that person would be paying **dearly** for the **privilege** of blocking your road?

    And you do realize that that man could only block the road at no expense to himself because the ROADS ARE SUBSIDIZED BY THE PUBLIC. Right? Hello?

  42. It works.

    Libertarians block good things (like increasing negative freedom and getting rid of gov’t agencies) from happening just as this guy blocked the road.

    Now Libertarians don’t mean to block the road, and perhaps this guy didn’t either, but thats the effect.

    The plans of mice and men gang oft agley

    1. Libertarians block good things (like increasing negative freedom and getting rid of gov’t agencies) from happening just as this guy blocked the road.

      Care to name one instance of a libertarian acting to prevent a reduction in the size and scope of government? Ever? Or are you confusing positive and negative liberty?

  43. “there always seems to be some entitled, selfish ass in an expensive car making it worse for everyone else these days.”

    Really? I thought Americans were impoverished and reduced to groveling from coast to coast to coast, thanks to decades of vulgar libertarianism. So is America filled with mean rich people in expensive cars or hapless victimized proles? Which is it?

  44. Radley! You forgot to scream “IMPEACH BUSH!!!”

  45. “…the logical result of our recent embrace of vulgar libertarianism is a total breakdown of social order.”

    I never cease to be amazed by how many people don’t know the difference between libertarianism and anarchism.

  46. Bill,
    Its that bit about plans of mice and men. Libertarians don’t mean to, but the effect of their actions, as they attack conservatives, is to weaken the main force for extending liberty.

    The primary effect of libertarians is to enable RINOs to stay in power. Which considering that many Libertarians hate RINOs with a purple passion has to just stink.

  47. In a related story, I’ve been accused of being inconsistent for being a libertarian who won’t cross against the traffic light.

    It’s the flip side of the same phenomenon.

  48. Now that I read Digby’s blog entry, it isn’t as idiotic as it sounds. He linked to a story about a state legislator who proposed abolishing driver’s licenses. Abolishing driver’s licenses might be desirable if it’s done while selling off the the roads. I don’t think it should be done before selling off roads.

    Besides, Digby has posted far sillier entries.

  49. Ugh. Do we really need to give him/her/it all this attention?

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