Cuddly Soft Balls of Death

Suspicious box of kittens shuts down a highway. Though as a dog person, I'd argue that cats may actually pose a greater threat to our way of life than terrorists.

Comments

[Nick]

Watching that bomb squad woman jump...twice...just made my day. Thanks, Balko. I know it's a set up, though. I eagerly await the ensuing nut punch.

[gaijin]

What she would have done if it had been a real bomb?

[Lone Wookie]

Cats are smarter than dogs, and they don't attack cops, thereby avoiding "isolated incidents" and H&R freak-outs.

[Paul]

Your cat would eat you if he were big enough.

[Pip]

In homes where a person has died, left attended by just their dogs and cats, the cats all began to eat their dead owner once hunger set in, but many of the dogs prefered to starve to death. At some point the cat then feasts on the dead dog.

[Dave Anthony]

I would want my cats to feast on my remains to stay alive. I would do the same to them. :p

[waffles]

cat owners are fucked up.

[Matthew]

Nah, just pragmatic. Like our cats.

[Fluffy the Dog]

Nah, just stupid.

[yup]

Exactly. Cats aren't sentimental. They know there is no there there anymore, once the person is dead.

[staff]

mmm ... Chinese food ...

[staff]

Your cat would eat you if he were big enough.

So would your gerbil, you hater.

[Lone Wookie]

So would your dust mites.

[Paul]

Hey, I'm a long time ex-cat owner, I'm not a hater. But I know when he's giving me the hairy eyeball from across the room, he's thinking "I could eat you if you were just a little bit smaller."

[Warty]

Your cat would eat you if he were big enough.

Like this? I kind of really want one.

[P Brooks]

Was a representative of the TSA available to fondle the cats' balls?

[robc]

If I adopted the kitten, I would name it Yemen.

[Brian D]

I'd name it Boomer.

[Almanian]

We're bi. We have two cats - Cartman and TIMMEH! Plus four dogs.

[Dagny T.]

Back in the kinder, gentler 70's, my uncle named his cat Nuclear Piles.

[Abdul]

I worked for a federal judge who handled SSA benefits decision apeals (i.e., SSA turns down your disability benefits, so you appeal them to a court).

The appellant had a mental disorder as evidenced by having over 40 cats. I was kind of surprised that owning more than 40 cats was a prima facie case of disability.

[LarryA]

Thinking you own a cat is "a prima facie case of disability."

[Citizen Nothing]

And the cat who escaped? Now running a terrorist cell in Mogadishu.

[Robert]

That's funny to me because at a time Mogadishu was in the news, my friends were saying they could get their cat to say anything by holding her tightly enough. On the phone to them I pretended to be a cat saying "Mogadishu" cat style.

[Episiarch]

I can haz explosivez?

[Almanian]

No wai!

[Dagny T.]

Suspishus package: ur doin it wrong.

[Paul]

Al Qaeda cat is not amused.

[TickleStick]

al Cata

[wat]

Qatarday?

[Number 2]

"Suspicious box of kittens shuts down a highway."

Yeah, sure...those evil terrorists can't fool me. This was just a dry run to test our defenses. Next time, it will be ferrets!

Damn those cunning terrorists!

[TickleStick]

Ferrets with explosive devices hidden in their rectums!

[TickleStick]

Or Bunnies!

(\ /)
( . .)
C(")(")

KA-BOOM!!!

[Hugh Akston]

al Qaeda is obviously changing their tactics. Rather than targeting the US Government with explosives ? which only results in further flying killer robot attacks ? they are targeting the American people directly with the only thing they know can get to them: cute cats.

In the coming months we'll see the launch of HALALCats.ye, featuring cute kittens looking curiously at the camera with the caption I CAN HAZ KALIFATE?

[Ragin Cajun]

Time to prepare our defenses.

[Ragin Cajun]

This has to be in Florida.

[Rhayader]

Hey man, I'm a dog person too, but cats are pretty freakin' cool. I was never a fan until I adopted a cat basically for the hell of it, but those little bastards can be a lot of fun. We're libertarians here, we can rise above the false, stale dog-cat paradigm.

[Episiarch]

Where is Warty? A cat thread makes him jizz.

[Dagny T.]

I'd rather not imagine his Halloween debaucheries, but probably "sleeping it off" is a fair assumption.

[Hugh Akston]

Check the sex offender registries. They have to keep tabs on him don't they?

[Episiarch]

Not if he never gets caught! What's his motto again? "Leave no witnesses" or something?

[Invisible Finger]

He's probably applying for a TSA job.

[Warty]

I dressed as a lumberjack, and at some point I decided my boots were too hot. The rest of it, you can imagine, Dagny my dear.

[Jabotinsky]

I'm really concerned about the level of X-rays that were bombarded on those unsuspecting kittens.

Seriously, what if those bomb-squad scrotum-lickers accidentally gave the cats cancer?

[Hugh Akston]

I haz a cancer? OH NOES!!!!11!!!one!

[Almanian]

Thats how lazr catz happun

[Bill]

Was Cat Stevens involved?

[Citizen Nothing]

What if the bomb squad had "exploded" the package?
That would set off a bit of a brouhaha, no?

[Kolohe]

A Cat-astrophe!

(sorry)

[heller]

How would anyone know?

[Billy Shakespeare]

How would anyone know?

Ouch!

[Clich? Bandit]

The age old political discussion of Cats being more libertarian (or not) versus Dogs enjoying authoritarianizsm (or not) has always amused. The "cats are independant" and "dogs belive in voluntary social cooperation" discussions we always a highlight...I have never really been at loss for why the LP's progress has been slow, it is kind of obvious.

But anyway, I have a flaming liberal nanystatist friend who owns a cat. When pressured (by me and inspired by those ages ago debates) as to why not a nice obedient dog her replied "cats can take care of themselves and I respect that." I made the point about people...he disagreed, I took a beer and left.

[Dave Anthony]

Cats Take Care of themselves? Who scoops the litter box and puts the food in the bowl? They are not authoritarian lovers, but they are little welfare queens that live off of the system.

[Citizen Nothing]

My two cats are fully capable of taking care of themselves in the wild.
Let their food bowl run low, and they are off in pursuit of wild game.
I now know that flying squirrels are a part of the local ecosystem, because my cats have left parts of them on my doorstep. (I already knew about the mice, moles, voles, rabbits, chipmunks and other squirrel varieties. If my cats would hunt together I wouldn't be surprised if they took down a whitetail deer.)

[Robert]

I've seen my friends Ralph & Kathy's cats apparently stalking deer, but it never gets past the stalking stage.

Pet cats' heuristic as to whether another animal is a friend or game seems to partake of the circularity of certain human normative judgments. I read of a cat that caught mice outside, but a mouse inside the house, albeit not a pet to the owner, it allowed even to eat the food in its bowl. Here's a thing that's inside the house with me and not running away from me, so it must be a friend.

[LarryA]

A dog looks at you and thinks, You are the being who meets all my needs; you must be god.

A cat looks at you and thinks, You are the being who meets all my needs; I must be god.

[Yonemoto]

But if you can train the cat, you must be the ultimate authoritarian. If you can train a cat but resist the temptation to train people, then you're the ultimate libertarian.

[Shocked]

This is the first salvo in Al Qaeda's misdirection campaign. Get all the bomb squads, TSA's, FBI's, etc's out chasing boxes of kittens and leave our back door wide open!

[Warty]

OMG KITTIES KITTIES KITTES OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

[Warty]

I've taken in lots of cats over the years that had been dumped like this by rednecks. Fucking scum, all of these people. It's not like it's any more work to drop the box off at the pound.

[Ellie]

The best part is the kitten being held up for the camera, mewing away. So indignant!

[heller]

Warty is a crazy cat lady. Good to know.

[Cuddly Soft Balls of Death]

Speaking of 'adoption'...

[????? ??????]

Thanks