Star Spangled Songcraft

So you want a patriotic song-off, Matt? 'Cause I'm game:

You want Elvis? We got Elvis:

And when it comes to cheesy '70s rock, I'm not afraid to trigger the nuclear option:

Update: Down in the comments, a reader asks if it would have killed me to include something with a little funk in it. I'm glad to oblige:

This is pretty funky too, but I don't think it qualifies as patriotic.