Economics

Gonna Kick Tomorrow, New York Times Edition

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She only knows when someone wants her

Hey look, The New York Times' daffy editorial board, in an editorial with the please-kick-me headline of "Job Creation Basics," acknowledges that you can't just have the federal government hire every unemployed worker and then declare the recession over:

President Obama recently noted that, by itself, government cannot replace the 8.2 million jobs lost over the past two years. What government can do, he said, is "help to create the conditions" for renewed hiring.

We couldn't agree more.

Great! Let's hear about reducing market uncertainty by finally letting prices fall and firms go bankrupt, reducing/removing government burdens on individuals and businesses, and making sure we limit exposure to catastrophic borrowing risk by reducing the unnecessary government spending that mandates massive bond issues! Or, uh, continuing to use tax money to pay for increasingly expensive government jobs:

Perhaps most destabilizing, upcoming budget cuts by recession-battered states will lead to more job losses.

As states try to close their deficits with tax increases, consumers cut back on their spending, which harms businesses and hiring. As states cut spending, there is less business for private-sector contractors and more layoffs of government employees. Already in March, state and local governments shed 9,000 jobs. […]

Make no mistake, the deficit is a serious problem that must be addressed in the medium term. The economy needs to be bolstered now.

Congress also must increase aid to small business. The Treasury should also redeploy bank bailout money for small business loans. And legislation is also needed to reinforce spending on infrastructure and clean energy, and create public jobs, especially summer youth jobs. Teen unemployment is currently 26 percent.

In related news, Jane says she's going away to Spain, just as soon as she gets her money saved.

NEXT: If Supporting a $700 Million Bond Issue is "As Free Market As It Gets," Well, That's Why We're All So Broke

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  1. What government can do, he said, is “help to create the conditions” for renewed hiring.

    And, of course, the absolute best way to do this is to raise the marginal cost of an employee.

  2. Ah, that good old mentality, “If our approach isn’t working, we’re obviously not doing ENOUGH of it!”

    1. “Here is my personal book of pick up lines. Say as many as you can as fast as you can. Don’t stop for any reason.”

      1. You see, the recession has a preset debt limit. Knowing its weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own dollars at it until it reached that limit and shut down.

        1. Frankly, I’d be more confident about the economy if Zap Brannigan was the fed chair.

          “The Velor Deflation.”

          1. “During my term, I crafted policies that put in place an amazing economic condition. What did I call it, Kif?”

            “sigh…Zapp-flation.”

  3. Kudos, great finish.

    1. HA, THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID BRO.

  4. “Teen unemployment is currently 26 percent.”

    Maybe if we didnt keep raising the minimum wage as the NYT keeps arguing for, this wouldnt be so hi.

  5. “Congress also must increase aid to small business. The Treasury should also redeploy bank bailout money for small business loans.”

    Great, how about a small business bubble! Government “stimulation” of the housing market worked out swell.

  6. The economy needs to be bolstered now.

    “And the sure-fire way to do that is to suck even more capital out of the private markets and stick into the public till.

    Trust us on this one. We’re professionals.”

  7. Make no mistake, the deficit is a serious problem that must be addressed in the medium term. The economy needs to be bolstered now.

    The sheer stupidity contained in this quote is mindblowing.

    1. The debt is a problem of the future, and always will be. Until it plops into our laps.

  8. Make no mistake, the deficit is a serious problem that must be addressed in the medium term. The economy needs to be bolstered now.

    So…the NY Times core audience has been reduced to five-year-olds?

    1. So…the NY Times core audience editorial board has been reduced to five-year-olds?

      Why, yes. Yes, it has!

      1. What sections are you fluent in??

        1. They should change that slogan to “Nobody brings the stupid like we do!”

          1. But we have the greatest journalists in the world. That’s indisputable!

            1. I dispute your assertion.

              1. Nuh-uh, you can’t dispute it, we already said it’s indisputable!

        2. Uh, the massage parlor commercials in the sports section, and the slightly used bong pipes for sale in the want ads.

  9. Make no mistake, the deficit is a serious problem that must be addressed in the medium term. The economy needs to be bolstered now.

    I just started re-reading Economics in One Lesson, and it makes shit like this hurt even more. Ugh.

    1. Careful. That book will make you want to throw a one-man whisky and morphine dirt-nap party.

    2. I make shit hurt worse than anything.

      1. Yeah, but after the atomic wings, if you play your cards right, you’ll use the flametongue on some unlucky girl. The hilarity of that more than makes up for the pain of the flameshits the next day.

        1. You know, we joke about you being a rapist and all, but if you’re applying capsaicin to a woman’s clitoris via your tongue, you are a new level of horrific. And I admire that.

          1. Why, thank you, you vile excuse for a human being.

          2. Reason.tv should have a comedy show called That’s our Warty. The awesomeness induced could very well cause strokes in some. And I’m cool with that.

            1. Giggity!

              1. Yep. Giggity indeed. We need a new show since Dagny can’t be Sweet Dee anymore and I’ve become to reputable to be the wildcard.

                1. BTW . . . what happened to SugarFree? What have you done with him!?!?

                  1. He’s getting a colonic right now. He’s very stopped up.

                    1. Which is ironic coming from someone so full of shit.

            2. It sounds pretty fun. However, I’d have to do something more extreme in each episode to keep from getting stale. Before you knew it, I’d be suffocating inside a bus driver’s vagina. No thanks, dude.

              1. Just pull a Family Guy on the show, Warty. Montage after montage of older and current shows. I know you could make it work.

                Now go out there and be somebody!

                1. “So it’s come to this…a Warty clip show.”

                  1. I would watch the shit out of a Warty sitcom.

                    1. Where’s frbunny for that matter? Foolish humans letting your real lives impede on you Hit & Run posting habits!

                    2. She’s recovering from the flametongue, dude. It takes time.

                    3. LOL…I love that idea.

                    4. I miss my Honey Bunny.

                    5. I’m trying to decide which episodes would be funnier, the ones that focus Episiarch, the ones that feature Warty or the ones starring SugarFree. Hey, Naga, how come Dagny can’t be Sweet Dee?

                    6. Mine would be the funniest because Epi would be too concerned about how his hair looked (which, admittedly, is usually fabulous) and Warty would get too much blood on the camera to ever finish an episode.

                    7. That would definitely make Epi a Dennis Reynolds. I figure that also makes Warty a Viking serial killer.

                    8. Sounds approximately correct.

                    9. This sounds approximately correct. We will have a very special after-school episode where I perform the Blood Eagle.

  10. The stupidity, it blocks out the sun . . . .

    1. Now you’re catching on.

  11. Corp. tax rate to zero and tax dividends paid at ordinary income rate with capital gains taxed when you sell at ordinary rate less inflationary adjustment from when you bought the stock. International corporations would flock to establish U.S. businesses and jobs.

    1. Not bad. That would also encourage more people to retire earlier since they would be able to live more comfortably on their investment income, freeing up more jobs. Or so it would seem.

    2. Yes, but that would make sense. We’ll have none of that now.

    3. I’d like to see a politician even try to put forth a policy like that. The unwashed masses would rush the podium and tear him to shreds. Can’t let those greedy, soul-sucking corporations not pay their taxes!

  12. This editorial sets new levels of stupid, even for the NYT. I’m becoming numb to how bonecrushingly stupid these people are, and that frightens me.

    1. The president needs to make the case to the public that without more emergency aid to jobless workers and hard-pressed states, unemployment will remain unacceptably high. And that will be bad news for all Americans.

      I defy you to find any stupid in that.

      1. The beatings will continue until unemployment improves.

      2. [The President]

        That wuz eezy.

      3. You’re right, I can’t find any stupid, only idiocy.

      4. The president needs to make the case to the public that without more emergency aid to jobless workers and hard-pressed states, unemployment will remain unacceptably high it is no longer the case that you get more of what you reward, and less of what you punish.

  13. If I can address only one small part of the stupid:

    The Treasury should also redeploy bank bailout money for small business loans.

    We can create jobs by taking money from people creating wealth, and giving it to people destroying wealth! Yay!!!

    I used to think Matt Welch’s anti-newspaper comments had a little bit of bitter, but I now realize he is just on a mission to fight idiocy.

  14. And legislation is also needed to reinforce spending on infrastructure and clean energy, and create public jobs, especially summer youth jobs.

    A chicken in every pot!

  15. And- You’ll Never Have a Hangover, IF YOU JUST KEEP DRINKING!!

    1. and as kaynes said, drink till you die!…cause eventually we’re all worm food.

  16. Teen unemployment is currently 26 percent.

    Think that might have something to do with one of the first things the Democrats did after the election, namely raising the minimum wage?

    Nah, that’s just crazy talk.

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