Texans Against Perfidious Albion

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While angry frat boy and MSNBC host Dylan Ratigan screeched about Nazi-loving, Jew-hating, women-killing members of the Tea Party movement (video available here, but this one is also worth watching) and warned that "angry" kooks were destroying America, the angry kooks of Texas's 22nd district were nominating a psychotic Lyndon LaRouche acolyte in their Democratic primary. According to her Obama-influenced website, Kesha Rogers, who wants to impeach the president, "took a decisive step toward leadership of the anti-British, anti-incumbent insurgency sweeping the United States."

Did she win on the strength of the arguments put forth in her editorial "We Must Declare Now Our Intention to Colonize the Solar System"? Rogers is an anti-imperialist here on Earth, but thinks "it is time to declare now our intention to have operative colonies on the Moon and Mars by 2050." And while she might think the president is a Nazi and the bailouts were bad policy, Rogers warns against "relying upon the 'good graces' of free markets, cutting social safety nets, or taxing the American people to death." And there is the usual stuff about dear ol' Blighty's relations with Nazi minister Hjalmar Schacht and its impact on the people of Texas. But Rogers warns Washington that "Real American patriots won't allow Schachtian austerity."

All of this baffling nonsense was enough to secure 54 percent of the vote. A spokeman for the Texas Democratic Party assured The Houston Press that her campaign "will not receive a single dollar from anyone on our staff."

Last week, I reviewed British journalist David Aaronovich's book on the stubborn persistence of conspiracy theories and how they warp our perception of history. And for the record, after appearing on RT last night to discuss labor unions in Europe, the next program led with—surprise!—a 9/11 truth story, during which some pallid, emaciated hippie explained that…well, you know the rest. What was surprising, though, was that the RT host led the segment with a declarative statement: "The question isn't who [perpetrated 9/11] or why anymore so much as how." 

Enjoy.

NEXT: What's Next? Jello Biafra Walks Back "Holiday In Cambodia," Pronounces Pol Pot's Record as "Mixed at Best"?

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  1. Where’s Cosmotarian Overlord to agree with everything Rogers says?

    1. It’s hilarious that entity (not sure if it accepts gender distinctions) is not here to defend this dynamistic do gooderism.

      1. Honest, Epi, I didn’t see what I did there before I posted. Don’t kill me, man. I don’t even like Beowulf!

        1. (halts killing stroke)

    2. BakedPenguin, check down the thread and you’ll see the actual target of your sarcasm showed up in classic fashion.

  2. Hey, it’s not imperialism to take over the solar system. All the people are here.

    This assumes, of course, no intelligent life in the system outside of Earth and LEO.

    1. Pro Lib,

      Why do you hate the Moon people?

      1. Isn’t it obvious? He’s a speciesist. And probably a racist.

        1. It’s true, I’m an Earth Supremacist.

      2. After their failed terrorist attack on Boston in 2007 it’s clear they can’t be trusted.

    2. What? There are no intelligent cops whatsoever? Oh… “Low Earth Orbit”.

      Nevermind.

    3. As long as it is not occupied by a self-aware organism, acquiring it falls under one of the most basic libertarian principles: Homesteading.

  3. TX-22 has been represented by Ron Paul (late 70s and early 80s) and Tom Delay (post Paul).

  4. The uppity crustaceans at the floor of the Europan oceans, the lawless floaters of Jupiter’s upper atmosphere, and the toroids migrating through the Sun’s photosphere all need the firm hand of bi-pedal man to rein then in.

    1. Well done, sir. I laughed my ass off.

    2. The floaters are a product of Sagan’s pot-induced imagination, so Jupiter is fair game, dude.

      1. I think Clarke imagined the floaters first. But he also posited a diamond the size of the earth making up Jupiter’s core.

        I’ll claim that as well…

        1. I thought the diamond was blown to pieces when Jupiter became a sun. Or does that happen later this year?

          I’m soooo disappointed in the “future.”

          1. Yep, blown to pieces – that’s how the theory is proven, by finding the chunk on Europa. (I don’t need a spoiler alert for 2061, do I? I’m pretty sure we’re the only people who’ve ever read it.)

            1. Hell, I read 3001.

  5. “it is time to declare now our intention to have operative colonies on the Moon and Mars by 2050.”

    And people say liberals are out of touch with the problems of real Americans!

    Rogers warns against “relying upon the ‘good graces’ of free markets, cutting social safety nets, or taxing the American people to death.”

    In this case, two out of three really is bad.

  6. I nominate Moynihan for the Best Post Title of 2010.

    “Perfidious Albion”. LOLz.

    1. With a name like “Moynihan”, growing up in Boston, he probably heard the phrase “perfidious Albion” early and often.

  7. Well, she calls herself a Democrat, so this means that the Democratic party is in favor of solar system colonization NOW, and thinks the President is a tool of the Queen.

    Right?

    I mean, when some birther skinhead nutjob steps up and calls himself a Libertarian then that means whatever he says is an official LP position. At least that’s what the media tells us. So it’s the same here, right?

    1. Yes, you are correct. Democrats think Obama is a Nazi.

  8. If the Democrats were really pushing for conquest of the solar system right now, I might be tempted to jump in with their noble mission. But, of course, they want no such thing. She probably is all pro-NASA for voter jobs. Nothing more.

  9. I suspect the first few thousand or so people who want to go live in space will pay for the privilege, but after that, I suspect people will only go by force.

    I’ve lived in the tropics for a bout a year now, and the scenery’s great, but the harshness of the environment really does wear on you after a while.

    And that’s just the tropics.

    1. In order for colonies to provide for existential survival of the species they’d have to be self sufficient. It’s hard to imagine that happening without people really wanting to live there.

      Would people from the affluent suburbs of any given city be willing to live their lives in a place that looked like the inside of an office building, at best (or maybe a coal mine at worst)? How about people from the worst favela? I think it is interesting to consider what the various cultural thresholds for misery might be and what that might mean for eventual colonization beyond Earth.

  10. You had me at:
    While angry frat boy and MSNBC host Dylan Ratigan screeched about Nazi-loving, Jew-hating, women-killing members of the Tea Party movement…

    1. I’m surprised Ratigan didn’t throw in an over-emoted “You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!”

      1. Everybody betray me! I’m fed up with this world.

        1. So was “The Room” really supposed to be a joke, or was it an honest attempt at a real movie? This has never been answered to my satisfaction.

  11. ‘Last week, I reviewed British journalist David Aaronovich’s book on the stubborn persistence of conspiracy theories and how they warp our perception of history.’

    Oh, a *British* journalist. Of course he wants to cover up the truth on behalf of his Queen and her Illuminati puppetmasters.

    I suppose I should add a sarcasm tag – ?

  12. Just to clear up her reasons for making such pro-NASA statements, TX-22 is the district that contains the Johnson Space Center. Thousands of jobs are either NASA employees or contractors. I live here, and the whole place is in an uproar about the supposed budget cuts. So she’s pandering well, even though she doesn’t have a chance, as this is a strongly Republican district.

  13. I notice that the Author is too scared to mention the fact that Ms. Rogers ran on a ticket to Impeach Obama.

    Come on buddy, were you playing with your joy stick when you wrote this article. At least try to sound intelligent.

  14. I notice that the Author is too scared to mention the fact that Ms. Rogers ran on a ticket to Impeach Obama.

    Come on buddy, were you playing with your joy stick when you wrote this article. At least try to sound intelligent.

    1. Trying reading the post again

      According to her Obama-influenced website, Kesha Rogers, who wants to impeach the president

  15. Can. I Have. Some. Of. What. She. Is. Smoking?

    Primo Purple Jesus, I have finally discovered a source, perhaps even a motherlode!

  16. If you want a glimpse into the mind of the average LaRouche acolyte, go to her website and play all three embedded videos at the same time.

  17. Jesus, just when I thought I’d familiarized with *most* of the crazy shit out there, someone comes and hits me with some fresh-out-the-box-you’ve-got-to-be-kidding-me-type-crazy.

    I totally hope she wins.

    1. Nah, LaRouche represents a whole new order of lunacy. I only regret that for some reason, a lot of people think he’s a libertarian (or even a Libertarian), and you have some guilt by (false!) association problems.

      1. The reason some people think he’s a libertarian is because NBC News indentified him as a candidate of the Libertarian Party in several news reports in the late eighties or early nineties. NBC refused to make any kind of correction or public acknowledgement of this error even after requests from LP leaders.

  18. Jesus. This town’s politics are fucking wondrous.

    1. “Sugar Land, TX – Two years after being named the nation’s first “Community of Respect,” the Anti-Defamation League ( ADL) recognized Sugar Land for the third straight year for its ongoing commitment to foster an inclusive and respectful community.”

    2. Sugarland is indeed a strange place. The people there are pretty much removed from reality. It’s like a bunch of rich (mostly doctors), loony people got together and said “fuck it, let’s build a city.”

      It’s a shame they have such a good mall and nice restaurants. Also the town square is pretty sweet.

      Makes me glad to live in Tx-14. Close enough to shop there, yet far enough away from their insane influence.

  19. “stubborn persistence of conspiracy theories” haha… The author of this article is a tool, he probably still believes there was weapons of mass destruction in Iraq because Bush and the mainstream media told him so.

    1. That’s a non sequitur.

  20. I can’t imagine what is supposed to be interesting enough about all this to warrant this post.

    Considering the whole NASA connection to her district, and the fact that it is such a safe GOP seat, I’m not sure what this is supposed to be about. In areas that have a very safe seat for one party nuts in the other party often can win the nomination (because no serious person runs an unwinnable campaign). Democratic selection procedures are usually much more “democratic” than GOP ones, so if you are a nut you have every reason to run for the Democratic slot.

    What non-news to anyone who has paid attention to American politics for the past two decades and doesn’t listen excitedly to Hannity every weekday on the radio…

    1. Democratic selection procedures are usually much more “democratic” than GOP ones, so if you are a nut you have every reason to run for the Democratic slot.

      So closed that the last presidential nominee happened to be every democrat’s favorite republican, John McCain.

    2. Just to be fair, the only reason you would ever mention a LaRouche follower is for entertainment purposes, and no one thinks they are anything more than an outlier subset of Democrats.

      However, every mainstream Democratic argument begins with the false assumption that no one has ever smelled a hippie before.

  21. Anti-British?

  22. Holy Crap! The Rouchebags managed to get another nomination? I would have thought that the Democrats were careful enough to avoid that after the first time it happened.

    -jcr

  23. I frown upon your dissing of Lunar/Martian colonization.

  24. Only hot chicks and early 90s pretty boy actors should be named Dylan.

  25. took a decisive step toward leadership of the anti-British, anti-incumbent insurgency sweeping the United States.

    I’m confused. The current resident of the White House is probably the most anti-British President since we were actually at war with them in 1812.

    1. Indeed. Between cheap DVD’s that don’t even play properly on British DVD players, and this last week, switching from support for Britain to “neutrality” on the dispute over the Falklands, it’s not like Obama has ever shown much love for perfidious Albion. Of course, the LaRouchies would probably say, “That’s what he WANTS you to think!” The strength of LaRouche’s conspiracy theory is precisely that it’s unfalsifiable. Still, one wonders how a convicted felon and nutjob college dropout, steeped in various Marxist movements, and with no experience in government, managed to stumble onto this devious plan…

  26. And I thought only the Republicans had kooks.

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