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When Will the Mainstream Media Report That Alan Grayson Is Nuts?


Rep. Alan Grayson (D-Florida), vampire fighter, scourge of harlots, courageous Wallenberg in the GOP genocide, puckish master of political rough and tumble, is being ignored by the establishment media. Just look at how The New York Times, ABC, Salon, Mother Jones and CBS won't give him the time of day. Meanwhile, the Tea Baggers keep getting all the glamour shots.

So in the Huffington Post, Grayson stands athwart the groundswell of groundswellism and cries "Hold, Enough!"

But the House candidate who raised the most money in the entire country during the last FEC reporting period—$860,000 in three months—is not a teabagger. He is not boosted relentlessly by Fox News. He's not even a Republican. He doesn't think that the Earth was created 6000 years ago, that President Obama was born in Kenya, or that global warming is a hoax.

This House candidate also, remarkably, had the largest number of contributors. Over 15,000 individuals contributed, many of whom have given time after time, whatever they could. The House candidate who raised the most money did so without French-kissing lobbyists, without flattering the idle rich, and without reaching into his own pocket.

The House candidate who raised the most money, from the most people, is an outspoken populist who tells it like it is on the war, on jobs, and on health care. His website is called In the 100,000 e-mails that he has received this year, the most common refrain is, "You are saying what I've been thinking."

I know who he is. Because he's me.

But no one has reported that the House candidate who raised the most money, from the most people, is a proud Democratic populist. No one.

Alan Grayson inspires artists to beefcake fantasies.

If I were a leftwing preteen, I'd want to be sexually molested by Alan Grayson. He's the kind of madcap every session of the House of Representatives should have a few dozen of. If he has truly raised the "most money from the most people," we must say: "Good on him."

Well, we could also say, "Who cares?" Is early February some kind of fundraising milestone we haven't been told about? Just three weeks before she was slaughtered in last month's Massachusetts U.S. Senate election, Martha Coakley had a three-to-one funding advantage over Scott Brown. And that's the Senate, the chamber the media pay attention to—not because they're against beefy-faced progressives but because, as Lyndon Johnson told George H.W. Bush, "The difference between being a senator and being a member of the House is the difference between chicken salad and chicken shit."

Is Grayson a Congressman With Guts or a Congressman Who's Nuts? In politics you have to choose one or the other, but under capitalism you can have both.


NEXT: Reason Writers Around Town: Shikha Dalmia on the Myth of a Market Meritocracy

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  1. I know who he is. Because he’s me.

    I almost passed out reading this level of self-aggrandizement. I would pay millions to have listening devices planted on our politicians so we could hear what they really think about themselves and their “constituents” when they’re speaking privately. Because then I could watch them utterly abase themselves in an attempt at forgiveness.

    1. Grayson stole that line from ol’ Ben who lives out by the dune sea.

      1. Ben is just a crazy old man.

        1. Who likes to molest left wing preteens!

          1. You’re just a crazy old wizard!

    2. Brilliant! I’m all for a Constitutional Amendment that would require elected officials to be bugged, wiretapped and equipped with tracking devices at all times (perhaps they could turn it off only for certain national security purposes). I want the elected officials to be 100% accountable, and maybe they wouldn’t be so frickin’ stupid if they were.

    3. Politician talking to himself in the bathroom mirror:
      “Oh hello there Mr. Awesome. How can you be so awesome? And so smart and sexy? Feel that ass. Yeah that’s a sexy ass. What are you going to accomplish today, Mr. Future President? Mr. Nobel Prize Genius? Mr. Sexiest Man alive? Mmm that’s such a great ass. You’re like a Roman god…”
      *followed by 2 hours of tax payer funded, self-administered ass-grab*

  2. “Meanwhile, the Tea Baggers keep getting all the glamour shots.”

    So now Reason is using this nasty slur?

    1. It’s used ironically like “scourge of harlots” and “vampire fighter”.

      1. Used less ironically than in the belief that the Tea Partiers should adopt the phrase, and promote the slogan: “Rub Your Face In the Balls of Freedom!”

        1. Drape the scrotom of libery accross tyranny’s upper lip!


          Pinch Freedom’s Taint.

          1. Oooo, that last one has the same cadence as “let freedom ring”.

        2. Now organizing the Fumunda Liberty Caucus.

        3. WIN! I say they adopt the slanderous phrase as a mark of defiance. And if anyone uses the “T” word but a real Tea American, they have to go apologize to Sarah Palin

        4. But you have been using it for months and one of your writers justified it because Free Republic used it before.

          1. Sorry, my sarcasmotron is on the fritz tonight.

  3. “If I were a leftwing preteen, I’d want to be sexually molested by Alan Grayson.”

    Fucking awesome.

    1. Didn’t you say that you were molested as a leftwing preteen by Walter Mondale? That’s almost as good, right?

      1. I never went through a leftist phase, I was a Red Dawn Republican before I could vote.

        But Mondale was dreamy. Ohh those bedroom eyes…

        1. Weren’t you a leftwing preteen girl before your transition into a teenage rightwing boy? Doesn’t your species change genders like that? Weren’t you featured on a lot of episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation? Some character named Wimpy or Wesley or something like that? I remember that he did the preteen girl to teen boy transition.

          1. Since Orlando has been brought up below, I think the thread has folded back in on itself quite nicely.

            1. Stop avoiding the question. And you also just admitted to liking Virginia Woolf. Did you not get enough sleep last night or something? Are you gender transitioning to an old woman now?

    2. C’mon, anonymous Reason blogger, take credit for that one!

      1. Ha ha, it’s Ayn Smithee.

    3. Hm.. one begins to wonder about the previous family life of Batman’s youthful ward. An uncle maybe?

    4. I love when I don’t realize that Tim Cavanaugh is the person writing a post… because inevitably there comes a moment when it becomes perfectly obvious that no one else could have written it.

      “If I were a leftwing preteen, I’d want to be sexually molested by Alan Grayson” was that moment.

  4. Grayson threatened a woman with 5 years jail time because she put up a webpage that criticized him.

    …real man of the people, there.…..ritic.html

    1. Gives you insight on his admirers and supporters.

      1. Yep.

        My logs showed 2 visits from the Senate Sergeant of Arms right after criticizing him on my own blog.

        Alan Grayson is truly a skidmark on the underwear of humanity.

        1. Time to go commando.

          1. But think of how many good pairs of pants of humanity he could ruin if we did that.

  5. Orlando is trashy and kind of stupid, so we just might re-elect the sumbitch. Orlando’s mayor won’t stop his credit card spending spree despite the recession and having no money. We’re putting up a few billion dollars that we don’t have for a train we won’t use. We’re still going to give the billionaire owner of the Magic $600 million. We’re still going to build a new performing arts center to replace the other one that nobody goes to. Meanwhile the schools are crumbling, firehouses are being shut down, and we’re relying on red light cameras to make a ton of money. So-called conservative candidates are against leasing the toll roads to private companies, are in favor of a dedicated anti-stripper police squad, and openly waste hundreds of thousands of dollars to hook up their friends. And you think this city is going to elect somebody sane to Congress?

    1. You lose! Good day, sir!

    2. You had me at “Orlando is trashy and kind of stupid.”

    3. Orlando trashy and kind of stupid?

      Why no. There are a lot of high profile, classy, incredibly successful professionals, say like Tiger Woods.

      1. Not to mention classy thoroughfares, like International Drive, “Orlando’s Most Dynamic Destination!”

        1. And home to the ugliest public building in the Western Hemisphere, including prisons (and conveniently in the center of downtown.)

          1. But if you crave bed bugs, Orlando is your kind of town!
            Dine, and be dined upon!

          2. That is uglier than the Kennedy Center. You win at ugly.

    4. And firehouses with $10,000 mailboxes and dozens of wide screen TVs are opening….

    5. But we need all those things to be a world class city!

    6. Mean spirited, but funny and kinda true…

  6. Just type “orlando is ” into google and select the second option.

  7. …oohh…oh Senator…mmmm…yeah….that’s it…oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…

    ouch, I pinched my scrotum on your grizzled chin….

    1. Oh my, such left wing depravity!

  8. When I retire, I don’t want to just move to some island somewhere. I want to be the guy who gives it all back. I want it to be like, ‘Hey… who donated that hospital wing that’s saving so many lives?’ ‘I don’t know. It was anonymous.’ ‘Well, guess what. It was Michael Scott.’ ‘But how do you know? It was anonymous.’ [pause] ‘Because I’m him.’

  9. No one corrected the spelling of “scrotom” yet? Of course, the Urban (not to say, urbane) Dictionary lists 75 DEFINITIONS for the misspelling.

    1. I don’t know how to spell it – I do know I don’t want to scrape it on Grayson’s chin again

  10. There are something like ten thousand political reporters in this country, maybe more.

    That sounds about right.

    1. The Simon and Garfunkel citation is there for anyone that might doubt. Look it up.

  11. Orlando’s other priceless gifts to our national culture: N’Sync and Creed.

  12. Tim may have been molested by Mondale, but I sat on the knee of none other than Gary Hart!

    BTW, speaking of our lefty infantile selves (except Red Dawn SugarFree, of course), has any one else came across that old favorite standard line of leftist coworkers and colleges, ‘I use to really lean left, but now I’m much more Conservative. I’m a Democrat.’?

    I had a lefty friend say that to me in such a smug tone, I couldn’t let it go.

    I told him, ‘Where have I heard that before? Oh, right, myself back in the ninth grade.’

    The sad fact of the matter was it happened to be true. Brrrrr.

  13. line of leftist coworkers and colleges

    Goddamn, Firefox, I had it right the first time.

  14. Grayson is exactly the same shade of blue in that picture as a Neal Adams’ era Kree (which, as we all know, proves he is a racist alien).

    Just saying.

  15. I miss James Traficant.

    1. Perhaps not for too much longer. He’s mounting a comeback, dead-animal-hair and everything.

  16. What’s funny is that this guy is actually my congressman. I get an email from him once a week (even though I didn’t vote for him or contribute to his campaign) where he asks me to support his and President Obama’s agenda.

    He does seem a bit looney to me – even more so now.

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