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Children's Souls Swallowed Up by Cardboard, Plastic, Static Electricity

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Hilarious article from Fox News about concern over a new Ouija board game marketed at young girls:

A pink version of the popular Ouija board game has some critics seeing red.

The children's sleepover staple — sold by Hasbro since 1967 — now comes in hot pink, an edition released two years ago that gets tweens to call on "spirits" to spell out answers to life's pressing questions.

It's designed for young girls ages 8 and older, but some say the mysterious product is a "dangerous spiritual game" that opens up anyone, particularly Christians, to attacks on their soul…

"There's a spiritual reality to it and Hasbro is treating it as if it's just a game," said Stephen Phelan, communications director for Human Life International, which bills itself as the largest international pro-life organization and missionary worldwide. "It's not Monopoly. It really is a dangerous spiritual game and for [Hasbro] to treat it as just another game is quite dishonest."

Phelan, who has never played the game, said the Bible explicitly states "not to mess with spirits" and that using a Ouija board will leave a person's soul vulnerable to attack.

"All Christians should know, well everyone should, that it's opening up a person to attack, spiritually," he said. "Christians shouldn't use it."

Asked how the game differed from magic kits or Harry Potter-themed merchandise, Phelan replied, "The difference is that the Ouija board is actually is [sic] a portal to talk to spirits and it's hard to get people to understand that until they actually do it. I don't pretend to know how it works, but it actually does."

Well, no. It actually doesn't, as Penn & Teller demonstrated with a brilliant little experiment on their Showtime program Bullshit!


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  1. Maybe we should send it to the East Anglia scientists to help them devise a better model than their “hockey stick” sham.

    1. My spirit guide says the science is settled.

      1. I’ll have you know that there is a broad scientific consensus that Ouija boards exist and have spiritual causes. And they violate no clearly established Biblical precedent.

        1. Did you clear that with Tipper and the PMRC? Didn’t think so. Say good bye to those nuts, if they still exist.

  2. I’ve always been confused how monotheistic religions believe in demons.

    1. Once you believe in the existence of spirits, and the existence of bad people, it’s not much of a leap.

      1. WTF do you know? You like Kindergarten Cop.

        1. Let’s not indulge in ad hominem attacks.

          1. I forgot my wink 🙂

            1. Typical libertarian, thinks he should be allowed to show his wink wherever he goes.

              ;P

              1. Oh no! Aresen is showing his wink with a big pee!

  3. “as Penn & Teller demonstrated with a brilliant little experiment on their Showtime program Bullshit!”

    It bares repeating that Bullshit’s episode about hair incuded a really cute brunette getting her asshole waxed.

    1. Which season was this?

    2. I’m fine with a cute blonde into blindfolds.

      Did they cuff the brunette during the waxing?

      1. That “Bullshit” episode was great. That centrifuge in the part about near-death experiences? Yikes.

    3. Calling friends of guy-in-orange-vest. Please contact What Not To Wear.

  4. Superstition is like a magnet. It pulls you in the direction of your beliefs.

  5. I had a wiccan friend in high school that said oui ja boards were incredibly dangerous — you don’t know in advance what potentially evil spirits you might connect with.

    So either they don’t work or they do work and their dangerous. Either way, they are a waste of time.

    1. I knew a “witchcraft” believing chick in high school who believed in them too. I thought she was just doing too much dope. She was hot so she got lots of free dope.

    2. Obviously, when confronted with a hot chick that believes in Ouija boards, the only possible course of action you can take is to get the board out and have the spirits tell her to blow you.

      1. I’m a little older than that. We got the real sex, not “oral isn’t sex” sex.

    3. “you don’t know in advance what potentially evil spirits you might connect with”

      … sort of like sports bars

      1. … sort of like sports bars

        ROFLCOPTER

        1. well I had to google ROFLCOPTER but +1

    4. Yes, the “evil spirits” might spell out a bad swearword. Dangerous stuff.

  6. “The difference is that the Ouija board is actually is [sic] a portal to talk to spirits and it’s hard to get people to understand that until they actually do it. I don’t pretend to know how it works, but it actually does.”

    Nonsense.

    I’ve cast the runes and they very clearly say that a Ouija board doesn’t work.

  7. You know kids, if you get the ouiji board out and speak the name of the Bell Witch, things get really freaky.

  8. The last time I used a Ouija board, I asked who was controlling it and it spelled “SANTA”.

    Demons don’t spell real good.

    1. No, they spell just fine.

    2. Are you sure? Remember the prophetic couplet from the Necronomicon:

      He knoweth when thou art sleeping,
      he knoweth when thou art awake;
      he knoweth if thou hast been bad or good,
      so be thou good for goodness’ sake!

  9. Nothing beats reading toad entrails.

    1. Eating them afterwards does for me.

  10. Game: Welcome to Video Oujia.

    Meatwad: [slowly] Spirits that haunt this house….COME OUT! And play with me!

    Master Shake: What do you think you’re runnin’ the Matrix? You’re gonna break that thing.

    Meatwad: SSSHH! You disturbin’ the presence…

    Frylock: Shake, he needs silence so he can talk to the dead.

    Master Shake: What he needs is lack of oxygen so he can become the dead.

  11. When are they gonna start burning witches at the stake again? People are fucking stupid.

    1. Just let the Global Warming weirdos win a few more awards and your wish will be granted in an unexpected manner.

  12. “””All Christians should know, well everyone should, that it’s opening up a person to attack, spiritually,” he said. “Christians shouldn’t use it.”””

    If that’s what they want to believe, fine. Just don’t force this crap on other people.

    What’s funny is that they actually believe this type of magic is real.

  13. I believe the line is “Just because I don’t know how it works, doesn’t mean that I’m LYING.”

    1. “Timecodes are very difficult to fake.”

      1. I can’t believe it took me more than 5 seconds to place that quote. I’m getting senile.

  14. “There’s a spiritual reality to it and Hasbro is treating it as if it’s just a game,” said Stephen Phelan, communications director for Human Life International, which bills itself as the largest international pro-life organization and missionary worldwide.

    Having conquered their original mission, I see they have moved on to more ominous enemies. Just like MADD.

    1. Don’t kid yourself, they’ve been on that anti-Oujiboard mission for a long time.

    2. Rommel spoke to me once when I was playing Axis and Allies. He told me to build an industrial complex in Brazil.

      1. DON’T FALL FOR IT…IT IS A TRAP!

        Stupid Russia

  15. They also thought Dungeons and Dragons was evil.

    1. My old dungeon master went insane, but that’s probably a coincidence.

      1. Blew his saving throw.

        1. I saw the made-for-TV movie. That game is lethal.

          1. That movie was about Mazes and Monsters–totally different. It doesn’t use a Vancian magic system.

  16. I want one of these so I can contact Jack Murtha and laugh my ass of at him.

  17. They also thought Dungeons and Dragons was evil.

    But nobody thought to complain about the pacifist anti-proliferation agenda of Gamma World…..

    1. Nobody complained about Traveler either, which kills Gamma World, whatever Gamma World is.

      1. “Gamma World” was TSR’s lame postapocalyptic mutant-laden RPG. Traveller was a rocket and raygun RPG by GDW. GDW’s skill-based rules were far superior to anything TSR had at the time.

  18. Just when you start to think that conservatives might just be libertarians with sticks up their asses, they bare their batshit crazy side.

  19. Jesus could raise the dead. Jesus could fly.

    1. And had a pretty good healing spell too. The water to wine was great at parties. But yeah, that resurrection spell was awesome.

    2. So could Simon Magus and about a hundred other guys.

    3. There is no hard evidence that Jesus ever flew.

      1. Prove he didn’t!

        1. Nope. He can fall while his cape flaps.

          1. I could have sworn I saw him flying out of Hong Kong in The Dark Knight.

  20. What’s most hilarious is the “toy expert” saying it has no connection to spiritualism by implying that it was just a game first.

    1. Go away, Palindrone.

      1. no html = MNG

  21. ideomotor effect
    +
    ugly suppressed thoughts
    +
    suggestibility
    =
    bad news?

    I have problems believing the medical reports of psychological problems following from ouija board use because of my temporal bigotry.

    1. idiomotor not ideomotor

  22. If you have an infinite number of monkeys using an infinite number of Ouija boards, then an infinite subset of them will be possessed by demons reciting the Collected Works of Shakespeare.

  23. Jesus could raise the dead. Jesus could fly.

    This demonic voice came through the board and made “Legalized Murder” pop up on my iTunes random dealy. Close enough for a “Hail Satan.”

    HAIL SANTANA

  24. What happens when monkeys use a Ouija board? They talk to monkey dead? Can monkey demons possess them? Do monkeys need a special monkey-symbol board?

    1. When you break out the Ouija, and the first message you get is “KOKO WANT BANANA”, you know you’re in trouble.

      1. Koko the Demon-Spawned Talking Gorilla? They leave out the demon-spawned part on her foundation’s website, I note.

      2. Y-O-U-R D-I-V-I-N-A-T-I-O-N P-E-R-M-I-T H-A-S E-X-P-I-R-E-D.

        P-L-E-A-S-E V-I-S-I-T Y-O-U-R S-T-A-T-E M-E-D-I-U-M R-E-G-I-S-T-R-A-T-I-O-N O-F-F-I-C-E T-O R-E-N-E-W

        T-H-E-R-E I-S A S-I-X-T-Y D-O-L-L-A-R R-E-N-E-W-A-L F-E-E P-L-U-S A T-W-E-N-T-Y D-O-L-L-A-R C-H-A-R-G-E F-O-R L-A-T-E R-E-N-E-W-A-L

        1. This is for monkeys using Ouija boards? Strange, I thought they were relatively free of bureaucratic nonsense, even in monkey spirit land.

          Hey, are monkeys libertarians? That never occurred to me before.

          1. Monkeys are nihilists. Like marmots.

            1. What about bonobos? They seem at least libertine, if not libertarian.

              1. Which reminds me that I should insert a bonobo-style arbitration clause in the next agreement I review. Just for kicks.

            2. “No, Donny, these monkeys are nihilists, there’s nothing to be afraid of.”

        2. Demon bureaucracy, okay I’m convinced, I’m never using a ouija board ever.

  25. If the only thing it does is piss off bible-thumpers, then I’m all for it.

    -jcr

  26. A Christian nut saying that Ouija boards actually work is probably very good for sales.

    1. sorry for being redundant in the above post

  27. When I was in Jr high we got a couple of girls to show us their tits using a ouija board… I’m not sure if we convinced them the spirits told them to or if they were just sluts, either way the ouija board holds fond memories for me

    1. Here in Tampa, people give cheap, plastic beads to women with similar effect. I wonder if the beads carry some sort of spiritual force?

    2. Cancel order of pink ouija board.

      1. And magic beads!

    3. we got a couple of girls to show us their tits using a ouija board

      Was that before cell phone cameras?

      1. way before… back in the day when a girl could show her tits, confident you were the only person that was going to see them, then she could always deny it to her friends. You know like classy chicks now

  28. When are they gonna start burning witches at the stake again? People are fucking stupid.

    You got it all mixed around. Stupid people are fucking.

    1. bb, keep it up, and we’ll be able to make a “collected brotherben.” Nice.

  29. A strange game.

    The only winning move is not to play.

    How about a nice game of chess?

    1. A game of chess is a nice challenge for the mind…when your opponent is the Devil!

  30. The Christian saying this? “I don’t pretend to know how it works, but it actually does.” That’s a guy that’s too pussy to say what he really thinks. The power comes from Satan. He doesn’t say it because he’s worried that folks are gonna think he’s gone around the bend and become a zealot. That or he wants people to pay their 10% entry fee and use his portal to talk with spirits.

  31. People young enough to believe in the game are also young enough to be too inundated by current technology to bother with it.

    1. They can use the new ouiji app on their iphone… note to self create ouiji app for iphone

  32. Does this mean my Augeries Home Edition will face similar complaints once I can get it by those PETA weasels?

    1. If they’re genetically modified organisms, does it even still count?

  33. “”All Christians should know, well everyone should, that it’s opening up a person to attack, spiritually,””

    I hear Palin includes ouija board protection, along with witchcraft protection, as part of her health care plan alternative to Obama care.

    1. No protection. Abstinence education all the way.

  34. You just posted this to piss of that damn pagan, Dave Weigel.

  35. Replica jerseys are becoming rapidly popular as regular attire. And therefore, you will notice many teenagers donning a Bill Russell or Oscar Robertson jersey in pubs, colleges and discos. In fact, even individuals who are notcheap nhl jerseys fans have started wearing these jnhl jerseys as a style statement.

    1. Bot, your script kiddie needs a little more practice. That isn’t even MNG worthy keyboard pounding.

      1. Ha ha, that was hilarious. Not just the mentioning of old school NBA players in advertising NHL jerseys. Not just the nonsequiturish and kinda foreign construction of the English in his post. But the thought of using a ouija board and getting poorly worded spam as output makes me tippa my hat.

        1. He SugarFreed the links. Ouija bot spam fail.

    2. I wouldn’t be caught dead in an Bill Russell NHL jersey at my favorite disco. Go FrozenLakers!

  36. There certainly is a lot of anti-Christian sentiment in some libertarian circles. Do I need to become an atheist in order to be a libertarian? I’m sorry, I guess I didn’t get the memo.

    1. No. But I’d suggest teaming up with Mad Max.

    2. What do you care? Why so sensitive? If you believe in fairies, why does that have anything to do with the endless pursuit of personal liberty? There are lots of Christians around here, and no matter how delusional I think they are, I will unconditionally defend their right to believe in crap that doesn’t tread on me. Or you.

      1. Speaking of sensitive, you should see what happens on this forum when I mention that Stalin and other Communist murderers were militant atheists.

        Such innocuous comments provoke a frenzy of denial and True Scotsmanism.

        1. Back to peddle the same old bullshit, I see.

        2. It’d only be a Scotsman if I said he wasn’t really an atheist. ‘Course he was one; he didn’t believe in supernatural superbeings.

          He was also a statist cocksucker. He sought to force people to bow before the state, and if they refused, he had them killed.

          Theists have forced people to bow before their altars, too. But it’s not theism or atheism that’s the problem. It’s the forcing that’s the problem.
          (It shouldn’t need to be noted that certain locally popular philosophers have been both atheists and vehemently anti-state/anti-coercion.)

          I know, I know, don’t feed the trolls. Guess I’m just overly sensitive to that tired old argument. It’s some sort of non-sequitur/straw-man/poisoning-the-well combo, and it tickles my reply bone.

      2. Everyone who claims any porpoise in their existence is delusional, atheists included. So unless you’re a hedonist, you have no standing to call religionists delusional.

        1. I agree that there is no porpoise to life. Or dolphins for that matter.

          (Sorry.)

          1. Dolphins exist, but they are clearly agents of the devil.

            Another learned behavior was discovered among river dolphins in Brazil, where some male dolphins use weeds and sticks as part of a sexual display.

            Dolphins engage in acts of aggression towards each other. The older a male dolphin is, the more likely his body is to be covered with bite scars. Male dolphins engage in such acts of aggression apparently for the same reasons as humans: disputes between companions and competition for females. Acts of aggression can become so intense that targeted dolphins sometimes go into exile as a result of losing a fight.

            Male Bottlenose Dolphins have been known to engage in infanticide. Dolphins have also been known to kill porpoises for reasons which are not fully understood, as porpoises generally do not share the same diet as dolphins and are therefore not competitors for food supplies.

            Dolphin copulation happens belly to belly and though many species engage in lengthy foreplay, the actual act is usually brief, but may be repeated several times within a short timespan. They usually become sexually active at a young age, even before reaching sexual maturity. The age of sexual maturity varies by species and gender.

            Dolphins are known to have sex for reasons other than reproduction, sometimes also engaging in homosexual behavior. Various species sometimes engage in sexual behavior including copulation with other dolphin species. Sexual encounters may be violent, with male dolphins sometimes showing aggressive behavior towards both females and other males. Occasionally, dolphins behave sexually towards other animals, including humans.

            1. Tulpa , you clearly have too much time on your hands….and wash them.

        2. I confess to hedonism.

    3. From what I can tell, everyone’s beliefs are equally legitimate targets for ridicule here. If you don’t like what they’re saying, you’re free to make your case as to why they are mistaken.

  37. If Hasbro is marketing to girls, maybe they should sell a broken Oujia board to market to Christians, along with a gurantee of no demonic possession or your money back.

  38. Can Hasbro just make a demon-free edition, or does it have something to do with the way the letters are printed. Could we use a full-size picture of a Ouija board as a Ouija board?

  39. I dunno, it was right about Calvin

  40. Bullshit:

    1. They weren’t burned.
    2. They people weren’t religious nuts.
    3. I’m sure they are confusing Bridget Bishop with Sarah Bishop.

    See my book http://www.justiceatsalem.com

    Otherwise, a good show.

    1. Correct, no one was burned for witchcraft in Salem; nor anywhere else in New England. They were hanged.

      However, hundreds of people were burned for witchcraft in Europe Throughout the Middle Ages.

      Today, burning witches is also practiced in places like Kenya. However, there it is an extra-judicial act, unlike in Saudi Arabia where beheading is the legally sanctioned punishment.

      Lest we start to feel morally superior, however, it is worth recalling that witchcraft was an offence in England until the early 1950s, with the last prosecution under the law being in 1944. We are not nearly so far removed from ancient superstition as many would like to believe. Though, in all fairness, any capital punishment was ended in the 1700s and most convictions thereafter were for pretending to be witches for financial gain.

    2. They weren’t burned.

      I was wondering if anyone would notice that.

      It would have been nice if they had asked the witches a question where the answer wasn’t commonly known. Or a question that their prejudices might have lead to a wrong answer. Eg: “Did Cotton Mather encourage the witch trials?” The answer is ‘no’, but I bet the little group in Salem would have gotten ‘yes’ for an answer. Though Cotton Mather was a Puritan like the witch hunters and accepted, based on the Bible, that witches existed, he publicly stated his opposition to the witch trials.

  41. Oh, was yesterday make fun of a Christian day? Damn, and I wasted the whole day being productive. Ridiculing superstitious (religious) people for being superstitious is kinda low hanging fruit isn’t it Balko?

    1. AlmightyJB: Uh, no. The whole point of this article was that a group or people are trying to pressure a corporation to stop selling an established, profitable product based on the non-rational beliefs of the group. The group has not established any demonstrable harm caused by the product, and is in effect asking Hasbro to cave to their belief system.

      The Reason staff, and in particularly Balko, are not given to reporting on the non-rational beliefs or claims of any groups, unless those groups attempt to restrain trade or change the law (ie, infringe on the rights of others).

      The important point here is that these people were not content to merely avoid the product themselves, or use their network to counsel others to avoid the product; they were actively engaged in an attempt to restrain the rights of Hasbro.

      1. Didn’t really see that point being made in the article but ok.

        1. Context, Baby, context. Remember that Reason is dedicated to “Free Minds and Free Markets.” Phelan’s actions violate both prongs.

          Also, the notable lack of other religion-bashing articles from Balko, or other Reason writers.

          1. “The group has not established any demonstrable harm caused by the product” You obviously missed the show me your tits thread.

  42. Wow, this actually makes sense when you think about it doesnt it?

    Jer
    http://www.online-anonymity.cz.tc

    1. You complete me, anonymity bot.

  43. Let me guess: Mr. Phelan is a tea-bagger, right?

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