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Culture

The Devil Is My Facebook Friend

Jesse Walker | 2.1.2010 10:13 AM

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Jeff Caruso of Network World reviews a year's worth of panicky media reports and picks the top 10 ways Facebook and Twitter are allegedly destroying our lives. For example, a story asserting

that using Facebook and playing computer games will give children rickets. The basis for the claim was more reasonable – spending too much time indoors means you get less sunshine and therefore less Vitamin D, which in turn means you are less able to fight off the bone-weakening disease rickets.

Some writer apparently made the leap that those kids are spending their indoor time on Facebook and, ergo, Facebook causes rickets. In this case, the misquoted professor managed to get the word out that he was taken out of context.

[Via Infocult.]

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Jesse Walker is books editor at Reason and the author of Rebels on the Air and The United States of Paranoia.

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  1. SugarFree   15 years ago

    that using Facebook and playing computer games will give children rickets

    That’s stupid. Everyone know Mr. Burns’ sun blocker is to blame.

  2. R C Dean   15 years ago

    May I suggest that interminable media harping on the virtually non-existent threat of child abduction has done more to keep children indoors than anything else?

    1. Nancy Grace   15 years ago

      You may suggest it, but you would be wrong, if not an actual molester.

    2. John Tagliaferro   15 years ago

      The threat is even greater now that aliens walk among us. The UN was looking into it this weekend, so it must be impoortant.

      And guess who those aliens are after? That’s right, the children!

    3. Zeb   15 years ago

      Suggest away. Sounds about right to me.

  3. suckitupcrybaby   15 years ago

    Week kneed parents who allow their children to dictate how and where they spend their time. Unplug the computer, video game and the TV and kick your kids to the outside world. You are the parents. Don’t be your childs friend. Be their parent.
    You can do it Bobby.
    http://www.suckitupcrybaby.com

    1. Fluffy   15 years ago

      That’s stupid.

      I would never have gone outside either, if going outside was my fucking assignment from my parents.

      I went outside to get AWAY from those a-holes and do what I wanted. Not to better obey them.

      Maybe kids would go outside again if going outside meant actually gaining the freedom to do something without supervision again. Now every outdoor activity has to be supervised, has to build character, and has to involve lots and lots of safety gear. I would have said, “Fuck this shit.”

      1. capitol l   15 years ago

        “Get in the goddamn car NOW, Fluffy, you’re late for field hockey!”

  4. ?   15 years ago

    The media pedo scares that have turned kids into chairbound wretches have really softened them up for life in my dungeon. Thanks, Dateline!

  5. Fist of Etiquette   15 years ago

    The new iPad has broad spectrum light emitters to infuse your hipster offspring with Vitamin D while he or she spends the day staring at the Flash-free device.

  6. Episiarch   15 years ago

    Hey there have you heard about my Facebook friend?
    He’s nerdy and small and doesn’t judge me at all.
    He’s a netwired bundle of joy.
    My Facebook friend.
    I like to dip and daddle with my Facebook friend.
    He’s smart as can be and privacy-free
    And he’s status-ing his way to my heart.
    My Facebook friend.
    My Facebook friend.
    My Facebook friend.
    My Facebook…friend.

    1. SugarFree   15 years ago

      I like to dip and daddle with my Facebook friend.

      Ew.

      I’m de-Friending you right now.

  7. FrBunny   15 years ago

    I’m de-Friending you right now.

    If you don’t take the full course, he’ll just come back worse than before.

    1. SugarFree   15 years ago

      I showered and showered after the first time he tried to dip and daddle me. It took me months to feel clean again.

      His appetites are as vagarious as they are gross.

  8. Tim Vinko   15 years ago

    Wow, you mean people actually use Facebook? Why, when there is MySpace.

    jess
    http://www.be-invisible.es.tc

    1. SugarFree   15 years ago

      Puzzle that one out, Anonotologists.

      But is His omission of Live Journal even more telling?

      1. The Art-P.O.G.   15 years ago

        So, he’s an opium-using military veteran who prefers Myspace to Facebook. Ummm ‘k.

        1. The Art-P.O.G.   15 years ago

          And what the hell is with that “jess”?

          1. SugarFree   15 years ago

            It’s the anagram of the initials of a shibboleth known only to those who have been received into The Mysteries.

            1. The Art-P.O.G.   15 years ago

              It’s the anagram of the initials of a shibboleth known only to those who have been received into The Mysteries.

              Sounds about right.

            2. Shibboleth Busters   15 years ago

              Jews Equal Satan’s Siblings

        2. T   15 years ago

          Military vets prefer MySpace when trolling for underage skank. Just ask Scott Ritter.

          1. The Art-P.O.G.   15 years ago

            (Sadly?), Ritter looks the type.

            1. T   15 years ago

              Looks the type? He just got busted for soliciting online again. He is the type.

              1. The Art-P.O.G.   15 years ago

                No, I was commenting on how dudes who like underage girls don’t always *look* like the type of schlubs who like underage girls. Ritter, oddly enough, does.
                You’d think the guy would’ve gotten help at some point, but I guess not.

                1. Scott Ritter   15 years ago

                  I feel like a little girl!

                2. T   15 years ago

                  OK, I get you now. It’s kind of like how people think I’m a respectable suburban citizen until I open my mouth.

          2. TrickyVic   15 years ago

            Hey kiddie, want to find the WMD?

  9. Jesse Walker   15 years ago

    Anonymity Guy is becoming my favorite commenter.

    1. The Art-P.O.G.   15 years ago

      I’m not alone!

      1. John Tagliaferro   15 years ago

        The Art, stop spoofing The Jesse.

        1. The Art-P.O.G.   15 years ago

          No, really. Anon bot is the greatest in “is this humor intentional or not?”

    2. Spoonman   15 years ago

      The “opium in the morning” quote remains one of the greatest single sentences I have seen on this website.

  10. Ben   15 years ago

    Blame sunscreen. There’s a big debate between the Vitamin D advocates and the dermatologists. The Vitamin D folks actually blame most skin cancer (and just about every other modern malady) on lack of “D”!

  11. T   15 years ago

    The Devil is my facebook friend?!?! But the only people I added who I don’t know personally are Reason staffers!

  12. Marc   15 years ago

    Vitamin D is being linked asthma, heart disease, autism and quite a few other problems. I work for a bunch researchers studying the link between asthma and vitamin D. I drag my kids out whenever there is sun, and take supplements, of course the research results could change in 5 years, but right now it seems pretty solid.

  13. hmm   15 years ago

    An interesting look at the friending in Facebook and social media. My number is more like 5, while my wife’s is closer to ? . Hence the good match in social situations, it’s like having a constant briefing.

    http://www.physorg.com/news183791343.html

    1. Almanian   15 years ago

      That is interesting stuff. Thanks for the link.

    2. T   15 years ago

      Alternatively, the funnier version.

      1. The Art-P.O.G.   15 years ago

        I was already laughing after this part:

        “One death is a tragedy. One million deaths is a statistic.”
        -Kevin Federline

  14. In Time Of War   15 years ago

    Trying to blame Facebook for teen suicide is utter crap. As everyone who lived through the 80’s knows, the sole cause of every teen suicide throughout recorded history is Heavy Metal music. Al Gore’s wife said so.

  15. Sean Dougherty   15 years ago

    I blog the business news every day and today was the most paranoid ever. See attached post. I couldn’t imagine trying to get all of these stories for a year in one place, I could barely keep up with today.

  16. speedzter   14 years ago

    If you don’t take the full course, he’ll just come back worse than before. Just for some laughs…funny Facebook Status .

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