One Step Closer to Idiocracy

From the favorite mag of every farout voyager through time and space, H+:

DARPA is committing $9.9 million to the Texas A&M Institute for Preclinical Studies (TIPS) to research how hydrogen sulfide can block the body's ability to use oxygen and induce a state of suspended animation. Because they have a cardiovascular system similar to humans, TIPS researchers Theresa Fossum and Matthew Miller think they can accurately predict human results from trials with anesthetized pigs.

Hat Tip: David Cassel

Comments

[John]

Why is it idiotic to research suspended animation? It would be very valuable for manned space travel.

[Syd Henderson]

I'm sure he was referring to the government use of suspended animation in Idiocracy.

[Syd Henderson]

I wonder though whether you'd smell like rotten eggs afterward.

[Nipplemancer]

the plot of the movie involves an average joe and a hooker in suspended animation

[Brian Doherty]

John--The movie begins with an army suspended animation experiment in the present that ends up depositing a contemporary man into the idiocratic future.

[John]

Ah. I have never seen the movie and didn't get the reference.

[ed]

That's no excuse. Go sit in the corner.

[wylie]

Until netflix delivers the DVD. And you're still officially on Time-Out until the end of the movie.

[Yeah, yeah, yeahyeahyeah]

The idea is good, but the movie isn't. Also, I don't like Luke Wilson since he started bending over for AT&T.

[R C Dean]

Forget space travel. This would be a godsend for surgery. If it could be done in the field, it would be a freakin' miracle for trauma response.

[If I could turn back time]

Forget space travel. Forget surgery. This would be a godsend for Cher. If it could be done in Hollywood, it would be a freakin' miracle for romance. The "bagel boy" could catch-up in chronological age to Cher and she could finally be with the lover of her life.

[FrBunny]

I hope the pigs awake to find their true love didn't die in the coma after all.

Oops; 1992 spoiler alert.

[Citizen Nothing]

This place is like the IMDb of geek movies.

[a boy and a dog and a toy and]

This place is more like every Coming-of-Age Movie ever written:
You think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?
Teddy Duchamp: What are you cracked?
Vern Tessio: Why not?! I saw the other day he was carrying five elephants in one hand.
Teddy Duchamp: Boy you don't know nothing. Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman is a real guy. No way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.
Vern Tessio: Yeah, maybe you're right. Would be a good fight, 'though

[brotherben]

another extra fine movie.

[MNG]

I thought the DARPA Initiative focused on screwing with survivors of plane crashes, not suspended animation...

[Citizen Nothing]

Alas, my LOST crush was just vaporized at the bottom of a well by an atomic bomb, apparently.

[Citizen Nothing]

Also unfortunate: I'm more of a Locke than a Sawyer.

[JW]

Good news everyone! She was reincarnated as a suburban mom in V.

[Citizen Nothing]

Maybe she's a Lost/V crossover character, like Sam Drucker on Green Acres and Petticoat Junction.

[Untermensch]

It's technically the same question. The idea is to suspend metabolic activity and prevent oxygen in cells from damaging them to induce an artificial state of suspended animation. Basically they want to kill you without doing any of the damage so that you can be restarted afterwards.

It's great for trauma surgery because, if this could be induced in the field, they could transport you to the best place to fix you up without worrying about keeping you alive in the meantime. If it works reliably and dusnt leeve us a liddle slowur then we normally is, it would be a huge breakthrough.

It's also great for sci-fi type suspended animation.

Some of the early research on dogs that involved chilling them and exsanguination (this sounds like UFO or cattle mutilation kinds of things) was pretty promising, because they were able to chill dogs' bodies for a few hours without any respiration and then bring them back with no apparent ill effects.

[Upgrayedd]

Whatever. That b**** is still gonna give me my money!!

[Not Sure]

I can't believe you actually found her.

[brotherben]

I thought it was an excellent movie. The hospital scene was my favorite.

[sage]

I have yet to see the human catapult in action. Until then, DARPA can shut its fat mouth.

[Anomalous]

I'm craving a Brawndo right now.

[WWJGD]

Screw that, let's go to Starbucks.

[Frito]

I'm pretty sure we don't have time for a handjob.

[Episiarch]

It's made with electrolytes and shit!!!

[P Brooks]

This could be the Passenger Aviation Security breakthrough we've been waiting for.

[JW]

One Step Closer to Idiocracy

Wait, we're not there yet?

My mistake. I used the TSA as a proxy.

[Episiarch]

Because they have a cardiovascular system similar to humans, TIPS researchers Theresa Fossum and Matthew Miller think they can accurately predict human results from trials with anesthetized pigs Tonys and Choads. Possibly Steve Smith. Michael Bay was deemed "too subhuman" for the experiment.

[brotherben]

cue cursing of tags in 3...2...1...

[Porterhouse]

Once I company I worked for got DARPA money for what was essentially a fancy spreadsheet. The idea failed and should have failed but I'm sure there's all kinds of idiocy in they DARPA budget.

[sage]

Human catapult.

[Untermensch]

But this isn't one. There's a lot of interest in it from the military because it could improve battlefield survival rates dramatically.

[A.G. Pym]

For a good account of what DARPA actually does (including fairly risky things that they know won't necessarily turn out to be successful) check "The Department of Mad Scientists: How DARPA Is Remaking Our World, from the Internet to Artificial Limbs" by Michael Belfiore.

[Warren]

The only good thing about Idiocracy was the uncredited Sara Rue as AG.

[Joette]

"Because they have a cardiovascular system similar to humans, TIPS researchers Theresa Fossum and Matthew Miller think they can accurately predict human results from trials with anesthetized pigs."

Is he fact that TIPS researchers have similar cariovascular systems to humans is an interesting aside or proof of the aliens among us?

[wylie]

Ambiguous Pronouns are a never ending wellspring of joy.

[P Brooks]

Is this to keep the wounded from running away from the flesh-eating zombie robots?

[P Brooks]

Human catapult.

"Don't worry- they'll never see you coming."

[stubby]

Forget space travel and surgery. This would be a godsend for the mothers of young children. Or even not so young children.

[brotherben]

not to mention how it could remove strong nylon cord from the dating process.

[Joette]

It's the answer to a school bus driver's prayers!

[Mike Bishop]

But Brawndos got what plants crave...

[IceTrey]

Puts you in a state of suspended animation, WTF? More like instantly kill you. I used to work on offshore oil rigs and H2S is one of the biggest hazards. H2S is very dangerous, one breath and you're dead.

[T]

Yeah, our old H2S test facility is a locked and abandoned bunker that nobody's been in for 20 years. That was cheaper than remediation.

[anonymous]

But can you be reanimated afterward?

[T]

Not that I've ever seen, but maybe we were doing it wrong.

[Citizen Nothing]

"one breath and you're dead."

The patient is in stable condition. Very stable.

[Pro Libertate]

I've read too much Niven to allow myself to be frozen.