Internet

The Right to Download Internet Porn From Anywhere

|

Captain Picard as a futuristic Finn.

That's what Finland's government has decided its citizens deserve. According to Gizmodo, it's the first country to officially decide that each and every one of it's 5.4 million citizens should be guaranteed access to an ultra-high-speed Internet connection:

Not only they have great universal health care—including dental—great public daycare, and great public education at all levels, but now they also got broadband as a legal right provided to every citizen. And not any crappy broadband.

The policy will be active in July 2010, when every Finn will get a one-megabit connection. But that's just an intermediate step towards their final goal: By 2015, everyone will have a 100Mbps—yes, a hundred megabits per second—available.

Speeds like that may sound great to a 15-year old trying to level up in Modern Warfare 2, but I'm still wary: Anyone who's seen an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation featuring the Borg knows where techno-socialism eventually leads.

Advertisement

NEXT: Reason Writers Around Town: Peter Suderman in The Daily Caller on the Cost of Health Care Reform in Massachusetts

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. they are just feeding my addiction…

    I LOVE PORN!!!

  2. THE URKOBOLD ONCE ATTENDED A NEW YEAR’S EVE F?TE THAT INCLUDED A WRITER FROM STAR TREK WHO CLAIMED TO HAVE INVENTED THE BORG. MOST OF THE CONVERSATION IS A DRUNKEN BLUR, BUT THE URKOBOLD RECALLS ASKING THIS WRITER HOW A SPECIES BECOMES A COLLECTIVE INTELLIGENCE. ACCORDING TO THE WRITER, IT ALL STARTED WHEN THE ORIGINAL BORG DIRECTLY HOOKED THEMSELVES UP TO THE PORNONET–DIRECT ACCESS TO PORN, EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY DAY.

    1. That writer is full of shite. If anything, once a society en masse gets hooked up to constant porn, the results are more akin to the Pax-addled Miranda planet from Serenity than the focused juggernaut that is Borg.

      1. FOOL! SPOKEN AS ONE WHO HAS NEVER HAD TO CALL HIS DOCTOR ABOUT AN ERECTION LASTING LONGER THAN FOUR HOURS.

        THE BORG ARE ALTRUISTICALLY SPREADING THEIR SHARED PORN EXPERIENCE TO ALL OF THE SENTIENT SPECIES OF THE GALAXY. WHY DO YOU THINK THEY FREED THE WOMAN WHO MADE OBAMA PRESIDENT?

        1. First of all, it was Captain Janeway who extracted the woman who would divorce the man who would- Well, you already have the rest of those dots connected. The Borg didn’t have anything to do with it.

          Second, after my first broadband internet connection at home, I nearly died from- well, like one of those Korean kids they find slumped over in internet cafes after a marathon of whatever the eff those kids get hooked on in public places (it can’t be porn I can tell you that unless they are less prudish in Korea than they are at my local public library, but I digress).

          Where was I? Oh yes, constant free porn causes a drive that doesn’t involve moving from your desk chair to bathe much less go off conquering various quadrants of the galaxy.

          1. YOU GROSSLY UNDERESTIMATE THE MOTIVATIONAL UTILITY OF THE BRAIN-BASED ORGASMATRON.

            1. In job interviews, when asked to list what I see are my shortcomings, that’s always at the top of the list.

          2. They play lineage and starcraft.

  3. So now I have to worry about 15 year old swedish kids camping in corners waiting to shoot me with dual models? Do they also think that game lobbies are ad hoc American Idol contests as well? My mute button finger is exponentioally better than my trigger finger and my aim.

    1. This is hilarious.

    2. G18s are the new models, those things shred AND have huge magazines!

  4. It’s all a plan to make Finland preeminent in the MMO space.

    1. They need the advantage just to catch up to the Asians kids and 30 year old Americans.

  5. “Anyone who’s seen an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation featuring the Borg knows where techno-socialism eventually leads.”

    And “Borg” does have such a great sweedish/scandinavian sound to it

  6. best post all year.

  7. “B?rk, b?rk, b?rk” translates to “Borg, borg, borg” in Finnish. Well, it could, anyway.

    1. They’re performing horrible experiments in cyberspace!

    2. But Finnish is not a Scandanavian language. Sorry to be a party pooper.

      1. One good hyperpendantism deserves another…

        While not even an Indo-European language, it does use Swedish orthography (and has a lot of Norse borrowings).

        That said, the o-with-a-slash is a Danish thing, also followed by Norwegian due to Danish linguistic colonialism. Swedish uses the two-dots-over-the-top thingie.

        If the Borg really did come from Scandinavia, its electronics would look way sleaker, and they would have trouble dominating the galaxy with the frequent bouts of suicide and / or Akkavit consumption.

        1. Also, I dont think you could construct a borg cube with a tiny allen wrench.

          1. Does that mean you can deconstruct one with an allen wrench? Someone should have told Picard.

      2. I love how the Danes, Finns, and Norwegians all hate the living crap out of each other.

        It is sort like how the Irish, Scotsmen and English all hate each other but with hotter women.

        Both prove the universal truism that there really is no one worse in the world then your neighbor.

  8. Yeah buddy! Internet porn totally ROCKS!

    RT
    http://www.anonymity-tools.ru.tc

  9. Anyone who’s seen an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation featuring the Borg knows where techno-socialism eventually leads.

    In Trekkies or Trekkies 2, there was a German fan dressed as a Borg who gleefully said “I love ze Borg!” Given Germany’s experiences with socialism, I found this a tad scary.

    1. Wow…this Godwin blindsided me. Nice.

      1. Now, Art, I could have been talking about the Stasi…

  10. Hmmm…Peter Suderman, given the choice of attaching a pic of a hot Finnish chick or Jean Luc Picard, chooses Star Trek…

    He probably took one look at Megan Fox in her Star Wars costume and pointed out the errors! 🙂

    1. True, but the ur-kobold managed to salvage things by linking a pic of 36-of-D. (or is it 2-of-Them?)

  11. Kirk would have stayed with the Borg and made himself King.

    1. He did. Such an appetite for life. That’s why we love Denny Crane.

    2. Kirk would have screwed the Borg Queen’s brains out until she realized that individual existence was preferable.

  12. Episiarch,

    Who do you think started the Borg?

    io9 just ran something about taking science fiction icons and throwing them into other universes. They lamely put Kirk in Dollhouse.

    1. Put Kirk in every other universe for hilarity beyond measure.

      “Ive got a bellyache, and it’s a beauty.”

      1. Hilarity and total ass-kicking.

    2. It’s really difficult sometimes to not want to reach through the monitor and strangle i09 writers with so much desire and drive that your will actually warps reality and makes it possible.

      1. I always kind of wished that Bruce Campbell and Bill Shatner would end up in the same movie. Maybe throw David Bowie in there, too.

        1. Bill and Bruce could do a remake of Zoolander, with Dave reprising his role…

        2. That much awesome in one place? But who would direct?

            1. How about a revitalized John Carpenter?

              1. John Carpenter would be great.

                1. Are zombies allowed to direct zombie movies, or are they too close to the subject matter?

      2. Io9 sucks. But I still read it anyway. I just wish they’d provide a rss feed that was Dr. Who-free.

        1. Yep. Unfortunately, they have the “best” (as in most prolific and current) SF news site of any, and I’ve looked.

          It’s almost as if there is a minimum pretentiousness and hipster smugness level that you have to pass in order to work there.

          Sug, have you ever looked at the AMC SF blog? You can argue with Scalzi, not that I have.

          1. io9 is marginal. They seem to love everything. There was like one negative post on the new Star Trek film. Come on.

            1. For this one article alone, I will continue to give that site the benefit of the doubt in perpetuity.

              But yes, the incessant prattling about that show where David Tennant prances around is a bit annoying.

  13. Off topic-

    Pro Lib and Epi, did the Zero thread break any records for posts?

    1. I only commented there a couple of times. Looking back, it went over 600. Not bad. It’s the kind of the thing you expect when a sock-puppet communist makes an extended appearance.

      1. What thread is this that you speak of?

          1. Ah, got it now.

          2. I got way behind H&R on Friday.

            I can’t believe no one called that commie prick on his assertion that federalism is unknown anywhere else in the world. That will certainly come as news to the Swiss, Germans, Canadians, Australians and Indians, to mention just a few.

            I love how some posters will rave about how wonderful other countries are and then blatantly display their utter ignorance about them.

            I’m not sure why anyone would bother to discuss anything with someone who believes in the Labor Theory of Value. Especially when he eventually gets around to say he doesn’t know what the LToV is. And people still kept engaging him even after he pretty much says that the problem with free markets is all the corporate welfare. WTF?

  14. Suderman, you can do better than dredging up three month old news stories.

    Coincidentally, while I type this, I’m listening to a track off of the Star Trek III soundtrack.

  15. Not to go all game geek on you, and not having played Modern Warfare 2 yet, but I don’t think you can level up in that game.

    1. I’m done with Fallout 3 and three of the four expansions. I’m thinking Dragon Age: Origins next. Or maybe Mass Effect 2. I understand SugarFree has totally immersed himself in the former.

      1. DA is great, but I can’t really say anything about on-line play. I refuse to do it.

        I already know plenty of ways to make fun of gay people.

        1. I haven’t done on-line gaming, either, though I just permitted the children to start messing with Xbox Live.

          In fact, I was a little disappointed when I heard the next Old Republic game was going to be primarily an MMO.

      2. if you like bioware games, dragon age is worth your time. however, you missed the bangin’ steam holiday sales, unfortunately.

        1. I do. I’ll have to pick it up.

    2. You can – the multiplayer has 70 levels per rank (you can rank up 10 times). Levels in multiplayer unlock weapons and perks (perks are like special skill slots used to customize classes).

      I wish there were more MW2 players here – the CoD games are as good as online competetive games get, as long as you can overlook the 75% douchebag rate in the game lobbies. But like I stated upthread, toggle mute is one of my better assets.

      1. You kids all get the fuck off my lawn.

      2. You know what would be cool? An updated, multiplayer GoldenEye.

        1. There is a mod for Half-Life 2 (PC)that does this I think.

          If there were character classes, or if certain villains/MI6 characters had different attributes so you could use different strategies, yeah, that could be really cool.

        2. Oh, GoldenEye was the shit. At the risk of sounding old, that was probably the last game I was really hooked on for an extended period of time.

          1. I linked to a Cracked article a couple of weeks ago that said that GoldenEye was the king of all FPSs.

    3. No you definitely level up in MW2. Hell, even the guns “level up” and the attachments to the guns “level up”! It’s the biggest levelling up game since WoW.

    4. Kind of amazed with so many trekkies no one mentioned the Star Trek MMO due out in less than a month.

      Games are only fun if you can kill other people virtually.

      1. You know, most Star Trek games seem to suck. Not all of them, but most.

        I still have Star Trek: Armada II on my PC, though.

        1. This is the MMO. Not sure I’ve been out of regular gaming for a while. I still administer the rare and occasional beat down online with some old gaming friends to stay in practice, but nothing regular.

          I’ve been playing the old man geek and playing Settlers of Catan at http://games.asobrain.com/.

  16. Anyone who’s seen an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation featuring the Borg knows where techno-socialism eventually leads.

    Bring it on. Resistance is for Luddites.

  17. About time, how else will the poor get access to 40+ full bodied DVDA?

  18. The Borg assimilated people in order to raise the processing speed for their shared consciousness. Faster processing speed means better porn.

    1. You know, this all makes a kind of perverted sense. In human porn, there’s nothing so weird that it isn’t available on the web. The Borg need new species to supply a similar demand.

  19. To meet a similar demand.

  20. This seems somehow relevant.

  21. The right to universal access to broadband in Finland is sort of like a right to universal access to Starbucks or McDonalds in the US….like granting a right to something everyone already has anyway.

  22. Borg? Sounds Swedish.

  23. This sounds great at first glance. But it is still the same problem of the government messing in responsabilities that do not concern them. Soon the other Finnish citizens will be stuck paying the bill for the internet access to some hermit’s cave in the middle of the Finnish tundra.

  24. I’d have thought that Finns would be more World of Warcraft types.

    I mean, the Blood Elf dudes seem to personify the over-coifed, tightly panted European ideal.

  25. Porn gets old really fast, those Finns will get over it quickly!

    After a while they will just go to http://ourdailyskin.com everyday to admire tities and pussies like everyone elese, so they won’t wate their precious governement broadband on monster cock videos.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.