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Partisan Stocking Stuffers With Which to Annoy Yer Luvved Ones

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Obama Czar Cards

Political Action Figures

Obama Nesting Dolls

Orrin Hatch Xmas CD

 

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  1. That Orrin Hatch CD is going to make me run screaming into the hills.

    1. . . .with the Sound of Music.

    2. Star SAYlor?

      Gay much?

      1. That is a strange name. The only thing gayer would’ve been Star Seamen. Well, I guess Star Semen would be even worse, but that’s it.

        1. Saylor Seamen.

        2. Star Seamen. Wow. The best part is, he might’ve actually done it and not gotten the joke. And then we’d all have to buy a bunch of copies as gifts. C’mon, it would be PRICELESS.

          1. Oh, he’d get it.

            1. I’d purchase a Star Seaman CD or MP3.

              1. You know what would really suck? If Star Seaman produced excellent music. For those of us who don’t switch hit or bat southpaw, well, it could lead to an awkward moment or two.

                1. Hey, all you have to do is get all defensive like I do when someone criticizes me for listening to Erasure or Pet Shop Boys.

                  1. Or Indigo Girls. That makes you a lesbian and male-gay at the same time.

                2. Would be really awkward for Star Seamen when the Gay Rights people declare it their new theme music. Assuming the band members in this hypothetical super-band weren’t gay.

                  1. That’s the only way this is funny.

                  2. Well, they could use the faux-gh3y as a marketing tool like those girls from t.A.t.u.

                    1. I think there’s more fake gay going on than we think. It’s quite in vogue in certain circles, and the media will bow down to anyone gay who is perceived to be “breaking barriers.”

                    2. Not so much in day-to-day life, by the way–I’m talking more about entertainment.

              2. Just imagine if Rick Santorum produced the album.

                1. Is Santorum fake gay?

  2. At the center of those Obama matryoshka dolls is the “overcharge” button.

    1. The nesting dolls are particularly funny, given the Russian context. The Soviet version had one Politburo chairman inside another.

      So what does Obama inside Obama inside Obama imply?

  3. Someone needs to make an Obama take off on the Chatty Cathy doll, like a Babbling Barack or something, where you pull the string and it plays clips of campaign pledges that he’s failed to live up to. Even better if in Planes, Trains and Automobiles fashion he could pull his own string.

    1. The robotics for the pulling-its-own-string model would cost to much to make it to market.

      1. So make it a stimulus project.

  4. Here’s my favorite Czar:

    Yesterday, we reported that Barack Obama’s Safe Schools Czar Kevin Jennings and his GLSEN organization were promoting a book to children that included a pornographic image of men having sex while boy scouts looked on. The day before that we reported that Kevin Jennings’ organization GLSEN was promoting a children’s book that detailed first-graders having sex.

    As founder and executive director of the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) Jennings approved of and promoted several filthy sex books for children. Scott Baker from Breitbart-TV.com and Co-Host of ‘The B-Cast’ submitted a shocking report to Gateway Pundit blog back on December 4, 2009. The report detailed the reading list promoted to 7-12 grade students by Kevin Jennings’ GLSEN organization. This material has not been reported in detail at Big Government website. Remember as you read this that Kevin Jennings is today the nation’s Safe Schools Czar.

    Here again is what Scott Baker had to say about this vile material being pushed on children.

    For today’s report we give you another of of GLSEN’s recommended books for 7-12 graders. This book Queer 13 included a very graphic story about the rape of a 13 year-old child and anonymous sex in public bathrooms. It is very difficult to read?-

    Queer 13 ? Pages 43, 44 + 45

    (A 13-year-old boy has a violent sexual encounter with an older man, which causes the boy to become desperate for sex, and he ends up spending the rest of the year promiscuously getting “my cock sucked and my ass fucked” by “a seemingly endless supply of dicks” belonging to older men, concluding with “I really did enjoy those sexual encounters.”)

    One day, on the bus to shop class, this ugly fuck of a man sat behind me and put his foot in the crack of my seat. He was skinny, with a patchy, pencil-thin mustache that besotted his oily face. I ignored him for most of the trip. I did notice that he changed buses when I did, but this time he sat beside me. He tried a little small talk, but then he suddenly and very nervously put his hand on my crotch. It never occurred to me to tell him not to. I’m not sure if I agreed to it or not, but he managed to get me to follow him to a nearby rest room at another secondary school “to play.” In the bathroom stall, lit by two scant rows of fluorescent lights, half of them burnt-out or flickering, he tried to kiss me, but I was too nauseated to do that. He sucked my nipples and played with my cock. I had no idea what to do. He then tried to get me to suck his. Somehow I knew this was expected of me, but I just could not put his ugly, foul-smelling penis into my mouth. When he forced it in I gagged so hard I started vomiting. Undaunted, he tried to put his cock in my ass. Thankfully, he came prematurely. He pulled up his trousers and left me in the toilet stall confused, frightened, crying, and praying to God for forgiveness of my horrible sin. I spent a good deal of time locked in the stall, trying to clean up, trying to wipe the smell of that act off with wet toilet paper, but I was doused in the stench of that man and what he had done.

    http://biggovernment.com/2009/…..-silent-2/

    1. Just so you know how it ends:

      This incident should have soured me on men, but it only made me more confused and needful. One day later, something accidental happened that would change my life. I discovered that at a urinal I could actually see someone else’s penis. I was ecstatic and fearful, but I wanted more. One day, at a local shopping mall, as I was trying to sneak a peek at penises in the rest rooms, a man at the urinal actually turned to me and started playing with himself. He flashed me a gold-toothed smirk and motioned for me to come over. Shocked, I zippered up and ran out, but the seeds had been laid. The whole world of rest-room sex had opened itself up to me.

      Soon I was spending a great deal of time hanging out in shopping malls and cruising the rest rooms for sexual encounters. My rest-room exploits started to be a great burden on my mind. The better part of the year was spent making deals with God, asking for a sign, then ignoring and rationalizing everything I perceived to be a sign, praying for forgiveness, and being obsessed with raging hormones and a seemingly endless supply of dicks. I believed that it was all part of a test by God to see if I was a sinner. I was.

      I had known before that something was up, and that I was attracted to men, but this toilet thing was a whole new realm of sin and Satan, a new level that I had never before imagined. The following years were spent praying for forgiveness and trying to purge my homosexuality through prayer and Bible study. While my classmates wondered what sex was like, content to masturbate over pinups, I was out there having my cock sucked and my ass f*cked

      1. Thanks for censoring the last word of that post. Nothing else in it was offensive at all, but an f-bomb to finish things off would have been unacceptable.

        1. Well a Wall Of * wouldn’t have made much sense. Might as well not post it at all then.

          Actually, that’s probably the route RG should’ve gone.

            1. I’d rather my kids read gay porn than be subjected to The Mayor of Casterbridge like I was.

  5. I was wondering what happened to all the leftover Clarence Williams nesting dolls after Tales from the Hood flopped. I figured they went in the asses of different sized coke mules. Capitalism’s sense of irony is more subtle than mine.

    1. That’s Clarence Williams III, man!

  6. I hear there’s also a doggie shirt with the Reason logo on it. Shame on you!

    1. I’m told Tony’s redneck lover gave him one of those.

      Redneck Lover: Bark like a dog for me, Tony! Bark like a dog! Yeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaa!!

      Tony: woof woof

  7. Those aren’t nesting dolls. They are butt plugs of increasing size. You insert a larger one for every year Obama is in the white house. They represent what the government is doing to all you working folks.

    1. They just have to call them nesting dolls for liability reason. Those little ones can get lost too easily.

      Also skirts any sex toy legislation.

  8. Does anyone have any suggestions for childrens’ books which promote capitalism and individual rights?

    1. Heinlein’s juveniles. I started on them in 3rd grade.

      1. What SugarFree said.

    2. Tom Sawyer.

      1. I think you tossed out your right to recommend reading material with your earlier post RG.

    3. There’s one being advertised in the current print issue of Reason. It’s called (I think) An Island Called Liberty. Sounds isolationist to me.

  9. That Orrin Hatch CD is going to make me run screaming into the hills.

    It can’t be worse than Mannheim Steamroller.

    Because nothing is worse than Mannheim Steamroller. Rick Astley is fucking Mozart compared to those no-talent shits.

  10. Nope, still haven’t beaten this:

    http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/index_bg.html

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