The Theology of Michael Jackson


From Entertainment Weekly's story on the forthcoming Michael Jackson documentary This Is It:

"We went and met with Michael, and [director] Kenny [Ortega] said, 'Michael, you've got to stop. We've got an incredible show, we don't need any more vignettes.' Michael said, 'But Kenny, God channels this through me at night. I can't sleep because I'm so supercharged.' Kenny said, 'But Michael, we have to finish. Can't God take a vacation?' Without missing a beat, Michael said, 'You don't understand—if I'm not there to receive these ideas, God might give them to Prince.'"

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  1. Why is God discriminating against white people?

    1. I’m not. If Prince isn’t there to receive the ideas, I might give them to you.

    2. He isn’t, Jacko was white…

    3. Considering that Prince hasn’t been famous for a decade or two, and didn’t do MJ-style stuff, and considering the “missing a beat” part, I’m going to guess MJ was joking.

      Meanwhile, I was going to link to the least consequential post on my front page right now and suggest that anything there was about a million times more important than this post, but I had trouble deciding whether anything was inconsequential; all those posts will have an impact on your lives. So, I’ll just point out that Janet Napolitano says there are al Qaeda-type terrorists inside the U.S.. Shouldn’t those libertarians who helped terrorists infiltrate the U.S. have provided a bond in case those terrorists start blowing things up? That would be the libertarian thing to do, right? If you’re going to allow people in who want to blow things up, at least take responsibility and offer a bond, don’t be a moocher.

      1. No effing way! The secretary of Homeland Security said that there are terrorists on our very soil? Holy shit! the HomeSecSec has only been saying that for the last eight years. But I’m sure she has evidence to back up her claim that the ForeignHordes are here to blow us all back to Allah. What’s that? The evidence is classified for national security reasons. Oh well, I trust her anyway. Its not like she has a reason to lie to the American people.

        Also, Shut the Fuck Up Lonewhacko.

      2. Prince hasn’t been famous for a decade or two

        The chart positions for Prince’s last few albums are here. You can add “pop music” to the list of subjects Chris Kelly opines on but knows nothing about.

        1. 24AheadDotCom (Chris Kelly? LoneWhacko?) is right. Prince hasn’t been a big seller in ages. Chart positions only measure popularity over a one-week period. Prince fans buy his records in the first week of release, which sends them to number one. But then they plummet off the charts the following week. His last genuine million-seller was that “symbol” album from 1993. “Musicology” was certified platinum, but that was because the CD’s that were given away at concerts were counted as “sales”.

          He’s still hella good in concert. But his “pop star” days are over.

          1. Anyone with enough fans to drive a record to the top 5 is by definition famous. Prince may not be the cultural force he was in the ’80s, but at that point Jackson wasn’t either.

            1. I’ve always thought Prince was far more talented than MJ. On many albums he played most of the instruments and wrote most of the songs iirc, while Jackson just sang and danced…

              1. Did not read the article. Perhaps he was talking about his son?

  2. Jacko was self-aware enough to make that joke? If so, color me impressed.

    1. What joke? He was serious.

      1. Then discolor me unimpressed.

    2. I am not convinced it is a joke and I am convinced that I am the only thirty-something who is not mourning his demise.

      1. Umm, you’re certainly not the only one. I always preferred Weird Al’s versions of Jacko’s songs to Jacko’s own ones, and I never cared much about Weird Al’s ones. So you are not the only one in that age bracket who cares not a lick…

        1. Thank God I am not alone 🙂

        2. Who is Michael jackson?

          1. Some asshole sheriff from Maryland.

    3. Color me purple.

  3. ‘You don’t understand — if I’m not there to receive these ideas, God might give them to Prince.’

    So Michael was murdered. I didn’t think Prince had it in him.

    1. Oh, now I get it. Michael and Prince are Mozart and Salieri.

  4. Sorry to break it to Michael, but god has given all his good ideas to Prince for the past 25 years.

    1. The only good ideas Michael ever got were from Quincy Jones.

  5. Prince can’t dance like Michael.

    1. To be fair, Prince has become a much better dancer compared to MJ in the last few weeks.

      1. Prince was always a better dancer in 5″ spike heels than Jackson.

  6. I should think a sensitive right-wing libertarian propagandists like Jesse Walker would avoid using the word “theology.”

    1. I’ll take “The Ology” for $200, Trebek.

      1. Sean Connery: I’ve got to ask you about the Penis Mightier.

        Alex Trebek: What? No. No, no, that is The Pen is Mightier.

        Sean Connery: Gussy it up however you want, Trebek. What matters is does it work? Will it really mighty my penis, man?

  7. Shut the fuck up, Edward.

  8. Is Morris the new emanation of Edward? That would explain a lot.

  9. Edward begat Lefiti begat Morris. They reproduce asexually, like certain salamanders.

    1. The kind that bring extra books of the bible written on gold?

      1. Please! You must explain this reference!

        I do like the idea of a parthenogenetically reproducing troll like Edward. It fits somehow.

        1. I think she means the book of Mormon.

  10. I don’t think MJ was talking about the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince. I believe he was referring to his ‘son.’ Which makes it all the more bizarre.
    and so: Jesus Hitler

    1. That’s what i thought too. Isn’t his name, Prince Michael Jackson?

  11. My biggest gripe against the left is that they can’t site any sources for their beliefs/positions/unsupported this-must-be-so-isms.

    Please tell me you have something other than entertainment weekly to back up that quote.

  12. The main question that should be asked is “Why in the fuck does anyone still give a shit about Michael Jackson?”

  13. Thomas at 6:24 got it right.

    1. I think B has it right @ 5:35AM

  14. Ah, but by posting in the thread, he made it incrementally more difficult for the Jacko threads to “Beat It”.

  15. Unfortunately, Jackson’s death is going to be similar to Elvis’s in that every detail that comes out is going to be a major story.

  16. I like MJ’s platonic view of art. Artists don’t create art. They just tap into art that already exists in some kind of ideal. If you talk to artists and songwriters, you find that this idea is less far fetched than you might think. Willie Nelson talks about how you there is always a melody floating through the air if you just listen. Any number of composers talk about how work will sometimes just come to them like from some outside source. It is all there already. Just some people can listen and others can’t.

    1. There is always something floating through the air around Willie.

  17. I agree, John. Of all the available permutations, only some compositions are aesthetically pleasing, and it’s amazing the knack the very gifted have of choosing them. That being said, that quote’s still kind of weird, especially taken out of context.

    Jenna, have you seen a portrait of MJ on black velvet yet? And I can’t wait to see the Michael Jackson-based equivalent of Bubba Ho-Tep.

  18. Oh wow, most impressive dude. I like it.


  19. Prince is a Jehovah’s Witness right? I think MJ was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness as well (someone correct me if I am wrong). I think this may have something to do with it.

    1. Yes! Episiarch was right last night. They were vying for control of the Church. The evidence of a spike heeled boot driven through Jackson’s heart is being suppressed.

  20. The main question that should be asked is “Why in the fuck does anyone still did anyone ever give a shit about Michael Jackson?”

    FIFY gratis.

    1. Back when he was a guy he was pretty cool.

    2. Homesick for the gutter.

  21. Billy Joel writes better lyrics than Michael Jackson did.

    And I fuckin’ hate Billy Joel.

    All artistic critique aside, MJ was a inconsequential pop singer*. Society should reserve its accolades for something more substantial than lowest common denominator pop icons.

    * So were Elvis and Sinatra. Sinatra gets extra points for his acting skills and actually having a life. Elvis gets some for removing himself from humanity at a younger age than MJ.

    1. Elvis basically invented a new form of music in the original Sun Recordings. People who say he just ripped off black music disrespect both Elvis and black R&B of the time. Listen to the Big Mamma Thorton original of Hound dog and then immediately the Elvis version sometime. The Big Mamma version is completely different than the Elvis version. The Elvis Sun records sound like nothing ever done before and influenced every rock record done after them. Elvis was a big deal.

      Jackson on the other hand was never inventive as Prince. Never had the voice of the true Motown greats like Smokey Robinson or David Ruffin. He never had the charisma or sex appeal of Marvin Gay. And his voice never really matured into an adult one. IN the end, he was too high to sound like an adult, but too adult to sound like he did with the Jackson Five. So, Quincy Jones just had him drop and octave and grunt.

      Yeah, there are those who argue that some of the tracks on Off the Wall and Thriller are great dance tracks. And maybe they are right. I am not an aficionado of dance music so I can’t argue. But what I can say is that to the extent that they were great dance tracks, that had more to do with the great studio musicians playing on them and Quincy Jones than it ever had to do with Jackson. And even if you do give Jackson full credit for them, what are you left with? Lead Singer for one of the better but not great Motown Bands, two great solo records and twenty two years of freakish behavior. I am not impressed.

      1. Since you mentioned Motown and freak, I might add that Rick James was many times the musician Jackson could ever had been, was never short on outlandlish behavior, had a love for music making not even a cell in Folsom could kill, and no one even noticed when he died.

        R.I.P. Mr. Johnson, possibly a few more hostage holding incidents than the average mac daddy, all the same you did good.

  22. Wait, Michael Jackson died?

  23. Hmm interesting. Jackson must have joked. but he was a tough competitor and would never lower his guard.

  24. Michael always thought of himself as other worldly. Now he gets to join them up above

  25. is he talking about the artist Prince or his son Prince?

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