Politics

Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em at a Gas Station

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blunts

Today, a small, single-serving dose of political idiocy. The info comes courtesy of former Reason intern Mike Riggs, who now blogs over at the Washington City Paper, where he has instituted a regular Freedom Friday feature (which is also often Frustration Friday, or depending on his mood, Fury Friday):

You know what's got my goat this morning? Ward 7 Councilmember Yvette Alexander's horrendous crusade against single cigar sales. The kids use them to smoke the marijuana, sure. But the kids will smoke out of anything! The cigarette foil, the hollowed-out apples, the dented cans, the Sobe bottles, the garden hoses, the seasonal squash, the hollowed-out hot dogs, the pens, and even the ground! And you know what? A 14-year-old who can score weed and a single cigar knows how to make things happen. Smoking out of the ground will be a cakewalk for these kids!

And the worst thing about Alexander's crusade–the worst!–isn't her nanny instincts, but this horrible, off-the-cuff lie:

"I believe the major source of income at a gas station should be gasoline and the major source of income at a corner store should be nonperishable food items, so I wonder what kind of business they're really in."

Newsflash, councilmember: Despite what you "believe," gas stations DO NOT MAKE MOST OF THEIR MONEY ON GAS. In fact, the sale of gasoline eats into their profit margins in much the same way that a stoner eats into that seasonal squash once it has done him/her right. But I gotta hand it to you; that closing insinuation is brilliant. My next story will be titled, "Gas station owners are using petrol as a front for a MASSIVE BLUNT RUNNING OPERATION."

Reason has been all over the loose blunts here, here, and here.

NEXT: Rosemary's Crybabies

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  1. In fact, the sale of gasoline eats into their profit margins in much the same way that a stoner eats into that seasonal squash once it has done him/her right.

    I laughed out loud, or LOLled, as the kids might very well be calling it. Good thing nobody else is in the cube farm right now.

    1. Maybe I’m no high enough, but the idea of eating anything with the still-hot resin from a bowl I just smoked is not very appetizing to me.

  2. But the kids will smoke out of anything! … even the ground!

    Caught you with paraphernalia. Assume the position.

  3. Yeah I worked at one, and the main profit-makers were beer, cigarettes, and those little 20-ounce bottles of soda.

    Of course, referred to as convenience stores and not gas stations.

  4. Nice to see a former Reason intern still stirring up the public discourse and mocking lobotomized politicians along the way.

    You go Mike. Keep making us proud.

  5. “I believe the major source of income at a gas station should be gasoline and the major source of income at a corner store should be nonperishable food items, so I wonder what kind of business they’re really in.”

    A “horrible, off the cuff lie”? It’s not a lie if she believes it. Only totally stupid. Anyway, I’ve always thought that major source of income for a gas station should be rolling papers. They build manual dexterity, for God’s sake, and the way the economy is going, those kids are going to need it. Otherwise, who’s going to pay for my scooter?

    1. Nobody is that stupid. Right?

  6. Actually, if you want to get all Accounting Geek up in here, the major source of income at a gas station is, in fact, gasoline. Now, the major source of profits are sales of food, merchandise, etc.

    Yvette Alexander is still a fucking stooge though.

  7. I believe the major source of income at a gas station should be gasoline and the major source of income at a corner store should be nonperishable food items

    Why should anyone give a fuck what business model she thinks a private entity should have?

  8. Why should anyone give a fuck what business model she thinks a private entity should have?

    Because she is the Progressive end result of thousands of years of human moral and intellectual Progress, which culminated in the final end result of her Progressive self.

  9. “Also, I want to make sure that at least 35% of all convenience store revenue comes from convenience!

  10. I believe the major source of income at a gas station should be gasoline.

    God, that’s stupid. Does anyone above the age of 10 seriously not get the gas station-convenience store model? It must be painful to go through life oblivious to how movie theaters, car dealerships, razor manufacturers, cell phone companies, supermarkets, video game console makers, etc. actually make money.

    1. Real economics is hard, it’s easier just to steal the money from those places!

  11. Also, if you look at revenue, rather than margin, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a gas station for which gasoline isn’t a major source of gross income.

    1. Also, if you look at revenue, rather than margin, I think you’d be hard pressed to find a gas station for which gasoline isn’t a major source of gross income.

      Dang. Where did “Preview” go?
      As well as the major source of tax income. Maybe that’s what she was thinking about. Not enough tax on cigars.

      And then there’s the unintended “Dang, I had to buy five cigars. Now we need more pot for a bigger party.” consequence.

  12. Furry Fridays?

  13. Furry Fridays

    Jennifer kinda managed that one.

    … he has instituted a regular Freedom Friday feature (which is also often Frustration Friday, or depending on his mood, Fury Friday):

    As opposed to Radley, who has instituted “Dispair Thursdays,” “Horrific Tuesdays” and “God Damn it I was in a good mood [the rest of the week]”

    (Don’t get me wrong, we need to know this stuff, and it makes those few victory/vindication stories all the sweeter)

  14. The main business of a corner store should be “non-perishable food items.” All real food is perishable. Maybe she means the corner store should push more candy, which as we know, is more harmful than marijuana.

    Anyway, the YAF Libertarian Caucus approach, if you don’t have a pipe or cigarette papers: take an empty toilet paper roll, cut a small round hole in it; take some aluminum foil, rap it around the toilet paper roll, pressing into the hole you cut; use a Goldwater campaign pin to punch tiny holes in the aluminum foil,and put your stash in the indented foil with holes in it.

    Once this gets out, every gas station will have to lock up their toilets to prevent paraphernalia raids.

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