Capital Markets

"Are you telling me that nobody at the Federal Reserve is keeping track on a regular basis of the losses that it incurs on what is now a $2 trillion portfolio?"

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Chef: Did you find the CO, Captain?
Willard: There's no fucking CO here. Let's just get going.

Apocalypse Now                                                         

[Via Hullabaloo.]

NEXT: Geithner: It Coulda Mighta Been the Fed's Fault

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  1. This is somewhat old news, but very enlightening (and entertaining!) nonetheless.

  2. LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA WHAT? I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA LA

  3. HA! Well played Jesse. Well played.

    “You either surf or you fight.”

  4. They’ll just print some. Like Monopoly money.

    Easy come – Easy go at the FIAT SPECIE Casino.

  5. Amazingly, Ron Paul’s HR 1207 Audit the Fed bill is up to 149 co-sponsors. He has introduced similar legislation many times before and received almost no support.

    I realize many of the co-sponsors are just trying to ride the wave of anti-bailout sentiment, but it is still shocking to me.

    Imagine if it gets a floor vote? I can already hear Barney Frank arguing how us peons have no business knowing what the Fed is doing.

  6. Mr. Grayson just found out that there’s gambling going on at Rick’s Place the FED.

  7. Just grow up and pay your taxes.

  8. That depends on what your definition of “keeping track” is is.

    He should have just called her a stupid bitch and moved on to asking if any of her aids or other people at the table could answer. At some point the niceties have to stop and you have to call a spade a spade.

  9. hmmmm,

    It’s a game of chicken at this point. Something tells me it’s gonna be the politicians who blink first.

  10. I have no comment at this time, as I am in the process of evaluating all possible comments, but I will look into making a comment at a later date, and getting back to you. Thank you.

  11. HA! Well played Jesse. Well played.

    Yeah but who are the Chefs?
    Great Googly Moogly

  12. Just grow up and pay your taxes.

    Just grow up and pay your taxes for your own fucking hobbies.

  13. Naga,

    MNG was looking for you earlier.

  14. Chad-

    An essential part of growing up is recognizing and accepting that paying taxes is for slaves.

  15. High Every Body-

    On which deserted island might we find MNG today?

  16. On which deserted island might we find MNG today?

    You know everybody’s first guess should be Gaza, even if you try to trick us by saying “island”.

  17. Why not make the Federal Government SOX compliant? An Executive Order would due the trick.

  18. Huh? For me? Why?

  19. He wanted you to fuck him in the ass, Naga. But not in a gay way or anything.

  20. Well clearly that’s wrong. Only the reciever of said dick is gay. Not the giver.

  21. You know how confused he gets.

  22. High Every Body-

    Gaza would not be a good place for MNG to test his new hypotheticals.

  23. Gaza would also not be a good spot for Moynihan either.

  24. Gaza would not be a good place for MNG to test his new hypotheticals.

    But she could go crazy on the hypocriticals.

    Who was that who figured out MNG is an angry lesbian or something?

  25. An essential part of growing up is recognizing and accepting that paying taxes is for slaves.

    I would give my left nut to see that happen. The bad part would be the gov. hiring 40,000 new accountants to pencil fuck a result that says they are.

  26. crap wrong quote. You have to be 1% smarter than the equipment you’re working with.

    Correct Quote:
    Why not make the Federal Government SOX compliant? An Executive Order would due the trick.

  27. “Correct Quote:
    Why not make the Federal Government SOX compliant? An Executive Order would due the trick.”

    do the trick.

  28. “I would give my left nut to see that happen. The bad part would be the gov. hiring 40,000 new accountants to pencil fuck a result that says they are.”

    That’s 40,000 pencil-ready good paying jobs we’re talking about here.

    Besides, what’s sauce for the goose…

  29. Her glaring incompetence reminds me of something my professor once told me:

    “All engineers should be required to get an MBA, for the simple fact that business majors can’t do the math.”

    She couldn’t even say whether their portfolio had sustained a loss?! That would be indicated by numbers less than zero.

    Audit the Fed, indeed.

  30. Hat tip to Zero Hedge?

  31. “All engineers should be required to get an MBA, for the simple fact that business majors can’t do the math.”

    She couldn’t even say whether their portfolio had sustained a loss?! That would be indicated by numbers less than zero.

    This is why an engineer will tell you an elephant can hang off a cliff by its trunk. Just because a number is less than zero, does not automatically make it a loss. If I could borrow for less than zero I would be pretty well off. However, I get the point and if it was a business professor that said that they should be shot. Engineers get a pass since they live in a land of unicorns and numbers.

  32. Just because a number is less than zero, does not automatically make it a loss.

    Hmm. We’re in finance world, not engineering world. There are no vectors. If you have a number that’s less than zero, the only way it can be construed to not be a loss is if you started with an even bigger negative number. Either way you’re kind of screwed.

  33. If you have a number that’s less than zero, the only way it can be construed to not be a loss is if you started with an even bigger negative number.

    A smaller loss is still a loss.

  34. 111-22=89

    No zeros and you still have a loss. This means using zero as an absolute or even a vaguely absolute measure of loss is incorrect and will sink anyone in finance. This is the kind of thinking that gets people in trouble and the kind of critical thinking business schools tend to not address. The important thing is where the resources are and how they are moving not if they are zero. The use of zero as a measure is incorrect.

    I still get your point and don’t think you intended for the discussion to go this way. The problem is just something I have seen in more than one recent business graduate. The inability to critically think and recognize the movement of accounts or resources and not just the “zero is a loss mentality” is something a lot of schools do not address. Zero is not bad as I pointed out with borrowing. That’s all I meant to point out.

  35. I get the ratio loss, I was grossly simplifying to make the silly point.

    Again, this is not an indictment of you or your point. It’s just a commentary on the current culture of the MBA or business school world.

  36. Print it up.

    Hand it out.

    Cook the books.

    Screw everyone else.

  37. Even a loss isn’t necessarily a loss if you can claim it on your taxes.

  38. Even a loss isn’t necessarily a loss if you can claim it on your taxes.

    Sure it is. The after-tax loss may be smaller if you can claim the loss as a deduction, but its still a loss.

  39. The test for competency is simple:

    Have you ever taken out a 30-year mortgage?

    If the answer is “yes”, you are most likely too stupid to be in charge of money.

    The number of good candidates weeded out by this test is statistically insignificant.

  40. I guess the assumption is you accepted early payoff penalties and plan to pay for all 30 years?

    What I miss?

  41. Even a loss isn’t necessarily a loss if you can claim it on your taxes.

    Sure it is. The after-tax loss may be smaller if you can claim the loss as a deduction, but its still a loss.

    I am so motherfucking tired of the “oh, you can just write it off” argument that, so help me, I will kill the next motherfucker who makes it. Oh, and the death will be slow and painful.

    Have you ever taken out a 30-year mortgage?

    If the answer is “yes”, you are most likely too stupid to be in charge of money.

    Bullshit. You’re next. After that last guy.

  42. HA! Well played Jesse. Well played.

    Yes, it was a good reference, but my brain still insisted on hearing Isaac Hayes delivering the first line.

  43. Oh, and the death will be slow and painful.

    And your ass will get taxed for it. And your estate will get taxed out the ass cause you gots no planning skillz!!

    I had to jump on the band wagon. You can write off losses, but most people would rather deal with a profit. Well most people being everyone except the government.

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