News & Criticism

Obama's Gag Reflex

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Which presidential joke at the always-nauseating White House Correspondents Dinner this weekend makes you most want to throw up a little bit in your mouth? Vote in the comments!

1)

Good evening, everybody. (Applause.) I would like to welcome you all to the 10-day anniversary of my first 100 days. (Laughter.) I am Barack Obama. Most of you covered me. All of you voted for me. (Laughter and applause.) Apologies to the Fox table.

2)

David Axelrod is here. You know, David and I have been together for a long time. I can still remember—I got to sort of—I tear up a little bit when I think back to that day that I called Ax so many years ago and said, you and I can do wonderful things together. And he said to me the same thing that partners all across America are saying to one another right now: Let's go to Iowa and make it official. (Laughter and applause.)

3)

On top of that, I've also reversed the ban on stem cell research, signed an expansion—(applause)—signed an expansion of the children's health insurance. Just last week, Car and Driver named me auto executive of the year. (Laughter.) Something I'm very proud of.

4)

During the second hundred days, we will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first hundred days. (Laughter.) It's going to be big, folks. (Laughter.) […] In the next hundred days, I will strongly consider losing my cool. (Laughter.) Finally, I believe that my next hundred days will be so successful I will be able to complete them in 72 days. (Laughter.) And on the 73rd day, I will rest. (Laughter.)

5)

Across the country, there are extraordinary, hardworking journalists who have lost their jobs in recent days, recent weeks, recent months. And I know that each newspaper and media outlet is wrestling with how to respond to these changes, and some are struggling simply to stay open. And it won't be easy. Not every ending will be a happy one.

But it's also true that your ultimate success as an industry is essential to the success of our democracy. It's what makes this thing work. You know, Thomas Jefferson once said that if he had the choice between a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, he would not hesitate to choose the latter.

Clearly, Thomas Jefferson never had cable news to contend with—(laughter)—but his central point remains: A government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts, is not an option for the United States of America. (Applause.)

I'll start off the voting with Door #2.

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  1. I just flew in from Cleveland, and boy are my arms tired.

  2. #3 for me.

  3. #3 for me as well.

  4. Wow, I think you may be spot on here! Well done!

    RT
    http://www.privacy-web.net.tc

  5. Funny-Haha #4
    Funny-Sad/Painful #5

  6. 5 is the worst because he just doesn’t get it.

  7. #2 definitely.

    I thought #4 was actually pretty funny…

  8. I think 3 is funny and disturbing at the same time. Still funny though.

    I thought 1 and 2 were pretty funny, and 4 was okay.

    Not so bad, overall.

  9. #4 – blech. What a self important douche.

  10. On top of that, I’ve also reversed the ban on stem cell research, signed an expansion — (applause) — signed an expansion of the children’s health insurance for middle to upper middle class children funded primarily by raising excise taxes on lower to lower middle class smokers. Just last week, Car and Driver named me auto executive of the year. (Laughter.) Something I’m very proud of.

    Bold text added for fucking accuracy and a well deserved dig at the class warrior Obama fanboys.

  11. #3- The most sad joke

    #5- Would have been awesome had obama stopped at the second paragraph.

  12. #1 was ok, but #5 made that little vein come out of my forehead and start pulsing. I hate this guy. Is it 2012 yet?

  13. I thought Obama’s best joke was his foreign policy.

    Zing! Comedy!

  14. I dislike Obama as much as anyone, but, honestly, none of them made me gag.

    Now, if we’re gonna vote on the unfunniness Wanda Sykes spewed . . .

  15. I think i just threw up in my mouth a little bit!

  16. I don’t get it. 5 is full of laugh lines, but the transcript doesn’t show anybody laughing. Seriously:

    Across the country, there are extraordinary, hardworking journalists . . . .

    But it’s also true that your ultimate success as an industry is essential to the success of our democracy.

    Are knee-slappers. The complete lack of self-awareness in this:

    A government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts, is not an option for the United States of America.

    Is just sad. Or frightening.

  17. I don’t think any of these were jokes.

  18. I am going with #3 also.

    Matt,

    Are you going to let Nick rant about that stupid commedianne and her Rush Limbaugh routine or are you two still wrestling over it?

  19. #1, and it’s noteworthy that no one in the news media has objected to his characterization of their political leanings.

  20. I didn’t think Obama was that bad. Wanda Sykes in contrast was a typical liberal. What is vomit inducing is that the dinner is supposed to roast the current administration. Yet, all the jokes were about the last administration and the opposition. Obama is the only guy who made a joke about the current administration. It is like they are scared to make fun of him. In guess in 2016 the media and comedienes will still making Bush Cheney jokes. We have an entire media and entertainment establishment that is afraid to even joke about the people in power. That is pretty creepy if you ask me.

  21. “#1 was ok, but #5 made that little vein come out of my forehead and start pulsing. I hate this guy. Is it 2012 yet?”

    2016 dude. He’d have to get caught raping the corpse of a white boy toddler to not get re-elected.

  22. The world comes to an end in 2012; we won’t have to suffer him another 4 years…

    Anyway, my vote goes to #4, with #3 in close second.

  23. #5 because it contains no jokes. Pander that naked and pure could a viable alternative fuel.

  24. I like this guy less and less each day.

  25. “Clearly, Thomas Jefferson never had cable news to contend with — (laughter) — but his central point remains: A government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts, is not an option for the United States of America. (Applause.)”

    Think about what sycophants they will be when Obama actually starts paying their salaries. I predict a series of Frank Rich, George F. Will navel gazing comulmns about how hard it is for a reporter to be on the government payroll to stay objective and how unfair people are to the media in thinking that they are not being as tough on their paymasters as they should be.

  26. #4 but #5 made me want to punch someone.

  27. God I miss joe in threads like this. *sigh*

  28. “#4 but #5 made me want to punch someone.”

    +1

  29. ?
    Everyday I love you less and less
    It’s clear to see that you’ve become obsessed
    I’ve got to get this message to the press
    That everyday I love you less and less

  30. #6: Joe Biden.

  31. 2016 dude. He’d have to get caught raping the corpse of a white boy toddler to not get re-elected.

    Nah. Like Jozef said, the world’s gonna end in 2012 anyway.

  32. I thought both Obama and Sykes were appropriately funny. Much worse for a comedian to get called out for being lame than for sticking her tiptoe over the line. The only people complaining are those who have their tongues up Limbaugh’s ass. That wouldn’t be anyone here, of course.

  33. Tony,

    I wasn’t offended by Sykes. She is a typical liberal. I have no doubt that most liberals find the thought of their ideological opponents dying a horrible death to be quire funny. I am also quite sure that if it wasn’t for the proscriptions of laws, most liberals would gladly administer such a death. It is just who you people are. Being outraged about Sykes is like being outraged about a Tiger having stripes and eating deer for a living. It doesn’t make a lot of sense.

  34. I wouldn’t say it’s always nauseating, Mr. Welch. Stephen Colbert and Don Imus gave memorable performances in previous years IIRC.

    But after the Colbert incident, I’m certain they’re going to vet potential comedians for these things more thoroughly than Supreme Court nominees before inviting them.

  35. #2 for the blatant hypocrisy

    But #5 for the blatant obsequiousness is a close second

  36. John,

    It is like they are scared to make fun of him.

    I wonder if they are going to be ringing chimes to let everybody know it is ok to stop clapping and sit down?

  37. It’s #3 definitely. He’s not even making the pretense anymore that he’s not running an industrial policy based on the preferences of yuppie Prius drivers.

  38. Seems like as good a time as any to add this bit from Mark Steyn, which rings more and more true:

    A reporter was escorted out of a White House event by Secret Service agents on Wednesday afternoon after he approached President Obama to seek an autograph.

    Tom Jones only lets fans hurl their panties during up-tempo numbers, not serious ballads. Maybe it’s time for the White House to give the press corps similar guidelines.

  39. From the always reliably funny Frank Rick in 2007. Tucked inside of a Frank Rich 2007 Sunday column in the New York Times is his assesment of these events. He said that the newspaper will no longer attend the annual White House Correspondents Association dinners in Washington, which he calls “a crystallization of the press’s failures in the post-9/11 era.” He writes that the event “illustrates how easily a propaganda-driven White House can enlist the Washington news media in its shows.”

    “After last weekend’s correspondents’ dinner, The Times decided to end its participation in such events,” wrote Rich. “But even were the dinner to vanish altogether, it remains but a yearly televised snapshot of the overall syndrome. The current White House, weakened as it is, can still establish story lines as fake as ‘Mission Accomplished’ and get a free pass.”

    http://heroantihero.com/2007/05/01/ny-times-will-no-longer-participate-in-whca-dinner/

    BWAAAAAAAA

  40. I had to stop reading for a second after #4. But for pure, unadulterated doucheness, I’m going for #3.

    In my country, auto industry nationalizes you!

  41. #3 for the idiocy of the stem cell ban, it was never banned, period. It was a stop to federal funding, i wish these dopes would stop saying simply a ban, its a half truth, perhaps even a quarter truth and it pisses me off.

  42. 1 is the best. 2 is pretty good. The setup in 3 is a nonsequitor but works as a one liner. 4 is played out as a joke. 5 is the one that would give a vomitorium it’s double meaning.

  43. # 3 is sickening. REAL funny that government is running private sector companies.

  44. I wouldn’t say it’s always nauseating, Mr. Welch. Stephen Colbert and Don Imus gave memorable performances in previous years IIRC.

    Don’t recall the Imus, but the Colbert thing might have been most nauseating of all in terms of how the assembled penguins *reacted* to it.

  45. #5 for unintentional humor. None of those really got a chuckle out of me. The one that did wasn’t included in the above list about Hillary giving him a big hug.

  46. Doing some independent research reveals that, at the WHCD, Sykes “joked” that Limbaugh was supposed to be the 20th hijacker on 9/11 who missed his flight because he was strung out on oxycontin, and said she hoped his kidneys would fail. And the audience laughed an applauded.

    This is much worse than the usual “kid gloves” treatment the prez gets at the WHCD…it’s a mean spirited attack on his opponents.

  47. ” I have no doubt that most liberals find the thought of their ideological opponents dying a horrible death to be quire funny.”

    Hey, maybe she was, you know, joking?

  48. Really, this is exactly how I would expect a cowed and sycophantic press to treat a lefty-lib bloody-knuckled Chicago-machine politician.

    You can pretty much predict anything that will happen under this administration by asking yourself “What would a President who is a a lefty-lib bloody-knuckled Chicago-machine politician do?” It infallible. Obama is who he is.

  49. Hey, maybe she was, you know, joking?

    And if she was, doesn’t her choice of material tell us something?

    Is there nothing that happens in Obama’s Washington that you can’t apologize for, MNG?

  50. Jesus H. Christ, this is why our politics is so bland and careful so much of the time. At this event the people have a little fun with stuff, they are just kidding around for goodness sakes. And yet of course they have to catch grief…

    I was against the Gulf War but when W joked about not being able to find the WMD’s I understood that he was, you know, joking.

  51. MNG, I suppose you’d offer the same defense if a white comedian made a bunch of nigger jokes about Obama.

  52. “Really, this is exactly how I would expect a cowed and sycophantic press to treat a lefty-lib bloody-knuckled Chicago-machine politician.”

    WTF? The press always laughs at the politicians that speak at these events, no matter who is in charge. They’re supposed to be, you know, not serious!

  53. Elasmorph
    You think those are comparable?

    Have you ever seen these events before? They are on C-Span every year.

  54. Technically, Sykes only wished Limbaugh’s kidneys would fail. That’s not really about him dying, but rather wishing he could be on dialysis for the rest of his life without a kidney transplant. I personally would have gone with a good paralyzed larynx joke, but to each their own.

  55. “Hey, maybe she was, you know, joking?”

    Exactly and liberals like you found it funny. Found what funny? The thought of our ideological opponents dying a horrible death. Ergo, most liberals find the thought of their ideological opponents dying a horrible death to be quire funny.

    Thank you for proving my point.

  56. El
    Here on H&R commenters took turns making “retard” jokes about the Palin kid back when all that went down. So I don’t think I’d pull my hair our and rend my garments over much humor, no.

    Besides, I don’t think a racial epithet is comparable to saying something about a public figure dying, especially in the way she did it (if she did it as you described, linking it to his drug hypocrisy).

  57. Question: whom would you nominate to be the Colbert to this administration. That is, who would make them squirm, yet actually be funny if you just saw the performance.

    (Meaning, it was hard to laugh at Colbert, because the audience was so dead. But I think if I saw the performance to the camera or to a friendly audience, it would have been hilarious.)

  58. “Here on H&R commenters took turns making “retard” jokes about the Palin kid back when all that went down.”

    And it was appalling. Of course most liberals made and laughed at the same jokes. Again, Sykes was just saying what most liberals beleive. There is no point in being mad about it or demanding an apology. She is who you are. That fact shouldn’t surprise anyone.

  59. Of course they’re comparable. Why do you think nigger jokes are incomparably worse than wishing someone a horrible death and saying that he was a 9/11 hijacker?

  60. Ha! You people have obviously never experienced the Festival of Suck that is also known as This Hour Has 22 Minutes, the Canadian answer to Colbert and Stewart.

  61. John
    I know conservatives have a great deal of trouble with humor, because reverence is a big deal with conservatives.

    But the joke is: Limbaugh said he hopes the nation fails, well fuck him I hope his kidneys fail.

    It’s like a “back atcha.”

  62. ” Why do you think nigger jokes are incomparably worse than wishing someone a horrible death and saying that he was a 9/11 hijacker?”

    Lord yes.

  63. “Question: whom would you nominate to be the Colbert to this administration. That is, who would make them squirm, yet actually be funny if you just saw the performance.”

    It would have to be someone unknown. No comedien with any kind of career to lose would ever risk making fun of Obama. Furhter, if it did happen the revolution would not be televised. It would be a strickly blog and youtube event. No network, except maybe Fox News, is going to let anyone on the air who does real damage to BO.

  64. It’s telling that the jokes were not at the expense of the president, which they normally are. Great.

  65. Elasomorph,

    Because racist humor isn’t funny except to inbred idiots who are racists. Limbaugh was a perfect target because so much has been made about Republican obedience and hand-kissing. I fully expect half the Repubs in the audience to personally apologize to Limbaugh merely for being in the audience at the time.

  66. “But the joke is: Limbaugh said he hopes the nation fails, well fuck him I hope his kidneys fail.

    It’s like a “back atcha.”

    You don’t like Limbaugh, so you hope he dies or ends up on dialisys. It is a tasteless stupid joke. But that is what liberals do and that is what liberals find funny. If Limbaugh developed terminal cancer tommorow, liberals all over America would be making jokes and laughing their asses off.

  67. I think John might be on to something here. Remember all the incredibly misogynist jokes that some liberals made at Palin’s expense? Maybe you’re not like them, MNG, but some people seem to think that there is no topic off-limits for humor as long as it helps their side.

  68. Another error, but on Sykes’ side this time… Limbaugh was investigated for illegally obtaining oxycodone and hydrocodone. If he was abusing these classes of painkillers, the chances are much better that the acetaminophen the drugs are mixed with to curtail this sort chronic use would have caused his liver to fail long before his kidneys.

  69. “Lord yes” is not an answer to a “why” question, MNG.

  70. I liked the line about Rahm Emanuel, to the effect that this is a most uncomfortable holiday for him — he’s not used to following the word ‘mother’ with the word ‘day’

  71. The biggest joke was Dear Leader’s stumbling delivery without his trusty teleprompter.
    Obama without his actual running mate is quite ordinary, if not mediocre.

  72. Also, Limbaugh never said he wanted the nation to fail. He wanted the stimulus package to fail.

    I disagree with what he said, and think it was a stupid thing to say. But it is in no way comparable to wishing a person’s kidneys to fail!

  73. geez, i don’t know. they’re all sooooo funny, I just can’t decide. (barf)

  74. Also, Limbaugh never said he wanted the nation to fail. He wanted the stimulus package to fail.

    Along with all of these Socialist programs the Dems and Repubs came up with.

    Somehow Hit & Run readers can object to Limbaugh on this one.

  75. I don’t like how a lot of people fawn over Obama, either, but I don’t remember seeing this kind of outright contempt towards Bush on Reason. I had difficulty digging up last years “Hit & Run” entry on the WHCD to directly compare, though.

    Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course, but Bush was so bad that I don’t really get why people would consider Obama to be worse. At least, not yet.

  76. This admin does have its own Colbert – Red Eye featuring Greg Gutfeld & Co.

  77. “I don’t like how a lot of people fawn over Obama, either, but I don’t remember seeing this kind of outright contempt towards Bush on Reason.”

    You have got to be kidding. Go read any of the Iraq threads or any of the threads about the bailout last summer.

  78. #1 zzzzzzz
    #2 zzzzzzz
    #3 is about as funny as Chip Bok or Henry Payne.
    #4 I cannot even laugh if I imagine the upset faces of the theocrats.
    #5 makes me want to buy a rifle with a scope.

    Now I’m going to hit the bottle and cry a little.

  79. “Here on H&R commenters took turns making “retard” jokes about the Palin kid back when all that went down.” [citation needed]

  80. “Because racist humor isn’t funny except to inbred idiots who are racists.”

    yo, fuck you bitch.

  81. “Here on H&R commenters took turns making “retard” jokes about the Palin kid back when all that went down.”

    I remember mocking the shit out of Rick Santorum’s kid, but I don’t remember us making fun of the Palin mongoloid. Or even talking about it, for that matter.

  82. But the joke is: Limbaugh said he hopes the nation fails

    Except that, ya know, he actually didn’t.

  83. A government without newspapers, a government without an uncritical and fawning media of all sorts, is not an option for the United States of America.

    There, fixed that. Still not funny, though.

  84. “Because racist humor isn’t funny except to inbred idiots who are racists.”

    Not true. Being funny and being in poor taste are not mutually exclusive.

  85. Dumbest – #1, Most Nauseating – #3, Most Hypocritical – #2

  86. …the Colbert thing might have been most nauseating of all in terms of how the assembled penguins *reacted* to it.

    I don’t remember – what were the nuns doing there?

    Why do you think nigger jokes are incomparably worse than wishing someone a horrible death and saying that he was a 9/11 hijacker?

    There is a significant difference between a joke that targets a public figure and a racist joke.

  87. You must understand that craven boot-lickers like MNG (and there are plenty of mirror images of MNG types when a Republican is in the White House) really think that Obama=the nation.

  88. Sitting as I am at my desk in the marketing department of a struggling daily newspaper… #5.

  89. No, you must remember that many people took it this way:
    1. the stimulus was to save the nation
    2. hoping that it failed means you did not want it to save the nation
    3. you don’t want the nation saved.

    It’s not the best reasoning, but we are talking about Wanda Sykes not Aristotle here. It’s not wacky for her to take this view. And then she made the joke, which as SF pointed out was obviously linked to the whole oxycontin thing. Note she did not say “died” but “kidneys fail” because of the way humor works, she was playing on the word “fail.”

    See?

    “really think that Obama=the nation.”

    now THIS is funny coming from the types that went all bonkers when Obama bowed to the Saudi king because, you know, it was like he made us all bow as a nation!

  90. I do think it is a bit f*cked up to say you hope the stimulus failed IF what you meant is, given its passing, I hope if fails to stimulate our economy. If you meant, I hope it fails meaning “I hope it never becomes law” than that’s understandable.

    For example, I wish we never went to war in Iraq, but I never wanted our mission there to “fail.” Jesus.

  91. Little known fact: Wanda Sykes (the foul mouthed liberal lesbian commedienne) got her start at the National Security Agency. True story.

  92. But the joke is: Limbaugh said he hopes the nation fails

    Except that, ya know, he actually didn’t.

    Boo fuckin hoo.

  93. Warty | May 11, 2009, 1:00pm | #

    “Here on H&R commenters took turns making “retard” jokes about the Palin kid back when all that went down.”

    I remember mocking the shit out of Rick Santorum’s kid, but I don’t remember us making fun of the Palin mongoloid. Or even talking about it, for that matter.

    I do, I participated. Palin jokes are funny, because she is a joke. Her retard kid is fair game for anonymous internet slagging as far as i’m concerned. Poor taste yeah. so offensive as to be unutterable? Hardly.

  94. I was there, and Epi was there, and some others.

    It was almost a self-parody meta kind of thing. People were all bent over shape over what was in or out of bounds that a bunch of us started making these jokes. Kind of like a protest against political correctness.

    I don’t think anyone meant any harm. And I bet all of us are good people that would be nice, fair, etc., to peopl with developmental challenges. We were just blowing off steam and having a little fun. I imagine thats what they try to do at the WHCD.

    I mean, you can see that can’t you?

    What are you, a retard?

  95. No, MNG, Obama bowing to Saudi royalty is not like making us all bow as a nation. However, he is my hired hand, and I prefer my hired hands to refrain from bowing to fucking kings. Clear enough?

    Now go get that spittle wiped up, will ya’?

  96. I bet all of us are good people that would be nice, fair, etc., to peopl with developmental challenges.

    Nah – MNG, libertarians are sociopaths, remember?

  97. The pathetic aspect of Sykes’ performance is that her “jokes” about the most powerful person in the room were intended to flatter the most powerful person in the room, while she slagged a prominent critic (who was not present) of the most powerful person in the room.

    It was a pathetically synchophatic performance by a brown-nosing hack.

  98. I’m voting for #3.

  99. Obama’s jokes are far far far far better than the Friday Funnies.

  100. Does anybody doubt that Sykes took the opportunity to express her very genuine hatred of a prominent critic of the President?

    I, for one, rarely find expressions of genuine hatred to be amusing. I am not surprised the Obama, apparently, does.

    Limbaugh wanted the stimulus to fail to pass, and if passed to be seen to fail in operation. There is, of course, no question (as even the CBO admitted) that the stimulus package will damage our nation economically. It is destined to fail, and no amount of Hoping one way or the other will change that.

    If, however, its failure is not apparent, then the way will be paved for more fiscal irresponsibility and state takeovers of the economy. Is it any mystery that Limbaugh (and me, for that matter) don’t want that?

  101. …brown-nosing hack.

    Is that some kind of racist joke?

    (Sorry there’s no tag for tongue-in-cheek comments.)

  102. Hey, Marc, I was half-hoping that someone would accuse me of being a racist. Too bad you were only joking!

  103. #3

  104. Mr. Welch–What about the phrase “a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts is not an option for the United States of America” do you object to?

    When did you lose your sense of humor?

  105. The pathetic aspect of Sykes’ performance is that her “jokes” about the most powerful person in the room were intended to flatter the most powerful person in the room, while she slagged a prominent critic (who was not present) of the most powerful person in the room.

    It was a pathetically synchophatic performance by a brown-nosing hack.

    It’s not like she didn’t poke Obama or his administration. You try coming up with a joke about Obama that would leave people rolling in the aisles, especially for a room full of journalists. He’s not a particularly easy target, not in the way that Bush, Cheney, and Limbaugh are.

  106. “I am not surprised the Obama, apparently, does.”

    Can we make fun of Obama for doing lines of coke in the men’s room at Occidental College?

  107. “He’s not a particularly easy target”

    Take away the teleprompter for a month

  108. Take away the teleprompter for a month

    Then he might sound almost twice as intelligent as Bush does with a teleprompter.

  109. You know, Thomas Jefferson once said that if he had the choice between a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, he would not hesitate to choose the latter.

    Clearly, Thomas Jefferson never had cable news to contend with — (laughter) — but his central point remains: A government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts, is not an option for the United States of America. (Applause.)

    I note the lack of “laughter with applause” at the end of that. So are we now to understand that our President has absolutely no sense of irony?

  110. On top of that, I’ve also reversed the ban on stem cell research…

    Another lie. There was no ban on stem cell research, only a ban on federal funding of stem cell research. God I hate this lying cunt.

  111. Actually, I think Obama is funnier than Bush, if anything. Misplaced arrogance is a whole lot more amusing than well-placed ignorance, in my book.

  112. Obama:

    “Michael Steele is in the house tonight. (Applause.) Or as he would say, “in the heezy.” (Laughter.) What’s up? (Laughter.) Where is Michael? Michael, for the last time, the Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout. (Laughter.) Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset, I’m sorry. (Laughter.) ”

    That made me laugh. The Republicans are a joke. Pretty fly for some white guys. In the heezy!


  113. Another lie. There was no ban on stem cell research, only a ban on federal funding of stem cell research. God I hate this lying cunt.

    Denying funding for something can’t possibly amount to a de facto ban?

  114. Tony,

    Well only if the only source for funding is the federal government. That distinction appears to be going away, however.

  115. Denying funding for something can’t possibly amount to a de facto ban?

    You could have given as much money to any university conducting research as you would have liked.

  116. “Obama’s Gag Reflex”

    Oh. You mean Barack’s.

  117. Seriously Tony…

    There are literally millions of dollars out there in private funds, possibly billions, for medical research. Banning Federal funding of stem-cell research amounts to nothing even remotely like a “de facto ban” on the research itself.

    At no time were you personally not free to contribute to your favorite stem cell research facility. My guess though, is that instead of doing that, you contributed whatever time you cared to devote on the topic to getting government to use *other people’s money* for it instead.

    On the topic at hand though: I didn’t find a one of those “jokes” funny. I found them to be mostly condescending, with far too much remarkably disturbing truth in them to make me want to laugh.

    It’s like being on a sinking cruise ship and having the captain come on and say, “I hope you all had a great time, the kitchens are closing in 10, so make sure you try the veal.”

  118. “Then he might sound almost twice as intelligent as Bush does with a teleprompter.”

  119. #4 makes me very sad (blasphemous)

  120. Denying funding for something can’t possibly amount to a de facto ban?

    No, it can’t.

  121. “”Then he might sound almost twice as intelligent as Bush does with a teleprompter.”

  122. Why won’t this thing print my equasion???

    (less that 2 times 0 equals 0)

  123. “Denying funding for something can’t possibly amount to a de facto ban?”

    California voters approved $3B for embryonic stem cell research. I think it was in 2005 or 2006.

  124. Denying funding for something can’t possibly amount to a de facto ban?

    No. If the feds were the ONLY source of legal funding for Stem cells, then one could make that argument. Sort of like the de-facto Chicago gun ban.

    You need a license to own that gun.

    Where do I get a license.

    The city refuses to issue them.

    But that wasn’t the case with the stem cell funding ban. How much of a chilling effect on stem cell research there was, I’ll leave that to another argument.

  125. You try coming up with a joke about Obama that would leave people rolling in the aisles, especially for a room full of journalists.

    “They keep asking me for my birth certificate and I keep telling them to have you guys look into it.”

    (crowd of journalists rolling in the aisles)

    “Hold on, hold on. Scroll it up. I already did the Cheney stuff.”

    (still rolling)

    “Laugh at my jokes.”

    (lady journalist faints and NYT reporter pisses himself laughing)

  126. “Most of you covered me. All of you voted for me.”

    I think it’s great that Obama can basically tell a room full of reporters that they are all bootlicking fanbois, and they get a kick out of it.

  127. # 5, since he’s referring to bailing out newspapers and acting as if government-controlled newspapers exemplify a free press

    # 3 made me throw up a little in my mouth too, though

  128. Another lie. There was no ban on stem cell research, only a ban on federal funding of stem cell research. God I hate this lying cunt.

    Denying funding for something can’t possibly amount to a de facto ban?

    Tony — you’re free to start up a company to do stem cell research any time you want, and always have been. How exactly did you derive the equation “completely free to do something” = “a de facto ban on doing that”?

  129. Tony — you’re free to start up a company to do stem cell research any time you want,

    I’d start with doughnut research and work my way up if I were you.

  130. “Tony — you’re free to start up a company to do stem cell research any time you want, and always have been.”

    No he isn’t because he lacks the capital and/or connections to people that do. And therin lies the core of his frustration.

  131. No he isn’t because he lacks the capital and/or connections to people that do. And therin lies the core of his frustration.

    Sort of how Steve Jobs was unable to found Apple in his garage, or how Bill Gates was unable to found Microsoft as a tiny little startup?

    If you have a great idea and an entrepreneurial ability, there are always venture capitalists looking for the next big idea.

  132. I don’t expect stem-cell research to be profitable, at least in the early research stage. And I don’t like the idea of scientific research being geared to profit anyway. So telling me to go be a good entrepreneur isn’t really helpful. Such science requires funding either from charity or government, and if it wants any amount of stability it needs government funding. Of course it doesn’t amount to a total ban, but it was certainly a restriction–one based entirely on religious zealotry.

  133. Tony,

    I thought the ban on federal funding was misguided (putting aside the question about government being involved at all in such things), but I don’t think questions about the morality of the research are entirely based on religious zealotry. I’m not completely comfortable with the use of embryonic stem cells, and I’m certainly no religious zealot.

    Of course, it’s looking like adult stem cells will work just fine before too long, so that debate will hopefully just go away.

  134. I’ll start off the voting with Door #2.

    Hate crime.

  135. And I don’t like the idea of scientific research being geared to profit anyway.

    Why? Oh, that’s right, liberals don’t trust capitalism or the pursuit of profits to result in good things happening — only government or non-profits REALLY benefit society — and will type those thoughts onto their computers and iPhones without grasping the irony therein.

  136. Pro,

    Hand-wringing about the fate of embryos has never been the norm in any human civilization until the 20th century when religious zealots decided to make it an issue in order to fulfill a need for coherence in the idea that the deity infuses an invisible life force at some point in development. They chose the fusion of sex cells, but since it’s all nonsense they could have just as arbitrarily chosen any other moment before or after birth. There’s enough misery in the world without worrying about the fate of all embryos as if they’re equivalent to living human beings, and if opponents of stemcell research were really all that concerned with them they’d champion work on eliminating spontaneous abortions. All that needless accidental carnage!

  137. Look at space: Since Apollo 17 left the Moon, probably the most hopeful development in manned spaceflight has been the advent of private companies trying to get to and exploit space. Once that gets going, we will move very quickly. NASA has accomplished very little in that arena in the decades since Apollo.

    For those concerned primarily with space science, let me just suggest that having specialists in space, on the Moon, on Mars, etc. for extended periods might be more useful than sending the occasional probe.

  138. Why? Oh, that’s right, liberals don’t trust capitalism or the pursuit of profits to result in good things happening — only government or non-profits REALLY benefit society — and will type those thoughts onto their computers and iPhones without grasping the irony therein.

    I think most liberals appreciate capitalism for what it is. But it’s not good at some things, like serving as a crucible for scientific advancement, most especially when it comes to health science. If we had publicly-minded drug research instead of the for-profit version we might get actual cures for things instead of lopsided investment in drugs that require people to keep buying them for the rest of their lives or that sustain erections.

  139. Definitely #4.

  140. Question: whom would you nominate to be the Colbert to this administration.

    Greg Gutfeld.

    He spent a couple of years wreaking havoc over on Huffington Post and was hysterical. Knickers were twisted.

  141. if opponents of stemcell research were really all that concerned with them they’d champion work on eliminating spontaneous abortions

    Similarly, if opponents of homicide were really all that concerned with killings they’d champion work on eliminating natural deaths so that everyone could live forever.

  142. Similarly, if opponents of homicide were really all that concerned with killings they’d champion work on eliminating natural deaths so that everyone could live forever.

    Life expectancy has more than doubled in recent human history. As far as I know there has been no such progress on spontaneous abortion.

  143. I remember mocking the shit out of Rick Santorum’s kid, but I don’t remember us making fun of the Palin mongoloid. Or even talking about it, for that matter.

    There was something like:

    Number of Years McCain spent in a POW camp: 7 1/2

    Number of Kids Sarah Palin has: 4 1/2.

    I lol’ed at the time. Still do. But I’m a dick. (I think it was Monsieur Sans Sucre whom came up with it)

  144. “Number of Kids Sarah Palin has: 4 1/2.”

    I thought that was a jab at Bristol’s intelligence (at first). When I got it… yeah… I laughed.

    And yeah, I’m a dick, too.

  145. Denying funding for something can’t possibly amount to a de facto ban?

    Nope. There is no federal funding for my fishing trip this year, yet it will occur as scheduled.

  146. “I think most liberals appreciate capitalism for what it is. But it’s not good at some things, like serving as a crucible for scientific advancement, most especially when it comes to health science.”

    Was “this” what you were referring to when you are talking about publicly-minded medicine?

    It seems to me Tony, that your points would be valid if you, you know… ignore the entire history of the United States, which has produced more long & short term medical advancements than any society on the planet… Ever. Mostly without government funding as well.

    Perhaps you’d forgotten about all the cured or nearly eradicated diseases because you were too busy enjoying your life free from tuberculosis, malaria and polio to realize that it’s a capitalist, mostly free-market which has produced enough wealth and savings to develop medical technology and competition among researchers & medical companies to do better that made your ~72 year life span possible.

    I suppose that’s not surprising. You seem to often forget about stuff like that. It seems you’ve also forgotten how much the government involvement in medicine has increased in the United States in the last 30 years.

  147. There is no federal funding for my fishing trip this year, yet it will occur as scheduled.

    Well, if fishing trips required sponsors and nearly all sponsors gave their money to only those fishing trips that had government sponsorships already and the government said that no fishing trips that included a member who engaged in some behavior the government didn’t approve of, like, say, fishing with lures, and you only fished with lures, then, maybe, your analogy would work.

  148. “Tony and MNG, get your tongues out of my butt! I’m trying to make a speech here!”

    (Leftraitor media laugh so hard they piss themselves.)

  149. “Niggers love to *not know*. Nothin’ makes a nigger happier than not knowin’ the answer to your question. Try askin’ a nigger anything; ‘Hey nigger, uh, what’s the capital of Nigeria?’ ‘Man, I don’t know dat shit! Keepin’ it real!’ Yeah, niggers love to keep it real; REAL DUMB!

  150. So 0’s going over the budget, checking to see if there’s something he can cut now that he’s spent so much. He notices there’s an earmark for a Presidential Burial Fund in one of the spending bills for $1 billion. “Hey, Geithner, what’s this?” he asks.

    “Oh, that’s to dig you a special tomb in Arlington,” says Geithner. “Barney Frank slipped that one in just for you.”

    “Oh no, no can do. We gotta get them to cut that,” he says.

    “What for?” says Geithner.

    “That’s much too much to pay for a three-day rental!”

  151. “I know conservatives have a great deal of trouble with humor, because reverence is a big deal with conservatives.”-MNG

    This from the guy who was defending the left’s case of the vapors over the chimp editorial cartoon a few months ago as reasonable. The left’s humor against their opponents is brutish, viciously personal, mean-spirited and unfunny, but they whine pathetically when their sacred cows might have been gored.

    What’s sadder is that the Left actually seems to think that they have a sense of humor.

  152. #5, without a doubt. Disgusting.

  153. To be fair, laptops and iPods depend on technology that would be impossible without a lot of physics research that was funded by NSF and other governments around the world. Apple didn’t fund the people who discovered Giant Magnetoresistance and made flash memory possible, governments did.

  154. I’m upset that our president thinks it’s funny to joke about himself overstepping the law and becoming an auto executuive.

  155. You miss the point, MNG (surprise, surprise). If the dinner had been for Bush, and, say, Jackie Mason had said the same things about, say, Keith Olbermann, it would have been front-page news on the New York Times and Washington Post for DAYS, if not weeks.

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