Freedom's Just Another Word for Not Enough Control

As we approach the 20th anniversary of the Tienanmen Square massacre this June, buffoonish martial arts movie star millionaire Jackie Chan delivers a roundhouse square to the back of Tank Man's head:

"I'm not sure if it's good to have freedom or not," [Chan] told an audience at a regional economic forum in southern China Saturday. "If you're too free, you're like the way Hong Kong is now. It's very chaotic. Taiwan is also chaotic." He continued: "I'm gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want."

The Asian Wall Street Journal notes that Chan's latest movie has been banned by the Chinese government.

OOPS: Looks like on-the-ball Reason intern Jeff Winkler beat me to this story by a good three days.

Comments

[Cabeza De Vaca]

"If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want."

Can't have that.

[The Winter Soldier]

Chuck Norris would KILL Jackie Chan . . . just by squinting at that douchebag.

[JP]

"If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want."

OMFG

[Balloon Maker]

Shut the f up and go back to kicking Chris Tucker in the balls, or whatever it is you do in those rush hour movies.

[The Octobama]

I like the way this man thinks.

[VM]

between this twaddlenockery and the "intellectuals believe the world would be better if humans weren't around" quixelnof, this is a sign that now is the perfect time to start drinking.

[?]

It's far too late to start.

[Avocado Diaboli]

I suspect he's right. People are happiest when given direction, when told what to do, and when they feel "part of something bigger than themselves."
Human nature is a bitch, isn't it?

[Xeones]

Chuck Norris would KILL Jackie Chan

...and then go vote for Huckabee. Not necessarily the greatest example of freedom-loving, there.

[domoarrigato]

Xeones, you missed a great opportunity to say:

Yo, fuck Jackie Chan.

[Naga Sadow]

domo,

He was busy dealing with the roundhouse kick that Chuck Norris sent his way.

[Naga Sadow]

On a different note, I've always loved that picture. That is one BAD dude. I don't think I would EVER have the stones to stare down a line of tanks. Then move in front of the tanks as they try to work their way around him. For the record, one BAD dude.

[Episiarch]

Shut the f up and go back to kicking Chris Tucker in the balls, or whatever it is you do in those rush hour movies.

The very fact that Jackie would be in a Brett Ratner film should have tipped all of us off that he was having mental problems years ago.

[The Winter Soldier]

Hey Xeones . . . you do know that this is a Chucktatorship, right? Now sit back down, before Chuck hits you so hard, your Grankids will be born concussed . . .

[Xeones]

domo, how about this: Shut the fuck up, Jackie Chan.

For the record, one BAD dude.

No joke. I'd be interested to know what happened to him, if not for the near-certainty that it involved his family getting billed for the bullet some government thug fired into his brain.

[Naga Sadow]

Winter Soldier,

I hear his roundhouse kicks are so swift they break the speed of light causing temporal fluctuations. I suspect that Xeones justice was delivered ten years ago.

[Xeones]

Winter Soldier, Chuck Norris is busy leading the newly-seceded Republic of Texas. Under his fist, the Republic seceded SO quickly, in fact, that the rest of the United States won't know about it until 2011 at the earliest.

Besides, Chuck Norris doesn't believe in the internet, which is the sole reason it has not yet become self aware.

[Naga Sadow]

Xeones,

I don't know. I've read several publications but no one seems to have a clear idea. Hopefully, Chinese authorities couldn't track him down either.

[domoarrigato]

Naga, I've read the same thing - but I don't believe the Chinese would have let it pass so easily. I personally fear he was quickly executed.

[Episiarch]

If no one can find that dude, he's dead. The guy is permanently famous. There is no way in hell he is alive.

[Naga Sadow]

Epi, Domo,

I expect that sort of cynicism from J sub D. Not you guys. Personally I like to believe he's a real estate agent in Shanghai. Just me though.

[J sub D]

On Chuck Norris vs Jackie Chan.

I've actually enjoyed a Jackie Chan movie.
Chuck Norris, not so much.

[Xeones]

Sadly, Epi is probably right. Still, the fact that he is famous for NOT getting run over by a tank right then and there sort of disproves Jackie Chan's statement.

[Joel]

I don't know for certain what happened to Tank Guy. But I was in Beijing a few years after, and the consistent story among young folks I met there was that he disappeared. Which is to say, RIP.

[The Chinese Ministry of Cultur]

" Then move in front of the tanks as they try to work their way around him. For the record, one BAD dude"

After further investigation, we have determined that the film is a forgery, made by subversives. This man does not exist.

[Episiarch]

J sub, what about Return of the Dragon? The fight between Chuck and Bruce Lee is awesome.

[Naga Sadow]

"Way of the Dragon" is very clear that Bruce Lee is the superior fighter. As for the Little Dragon(Jackie Chan) the record is murky. I would back up the 8th level blackbelt Norris for who would win in a fight. Also, I feel that his cheesy movies are better than Chan's cheesy movies.

[Naga Sadow]

EPISIARCH!!!!!!!!! Damn your fast typing hands!

[Naga Sadow]

Joel,

What. Ever.

I reject your reality and substitute my own!

The Tank Guy is now restored to his glory as a mediocre real estate salesman in Shanghai in my mind. I have spoken.

[Episiarch]

Don't be absurd, Naga. Jackie's cheesy movies are great. You have to admit that the guy is an insane stuntman.

[The Winter Soldier]

I believe the person in the photograph is CHUCK NORRIS. The tank is not trying to turn and circumvent Chuck's defiance of tyranny, Chuck has merely flexed his baby toe, causing it to spin. This toe flex happens so quickly, it is impossible to catch with normal video technology.

[Joel]

Quite so, Naga. Quite so. In fact, thanks entirely to Tank Guy's Imperial Real Estate of Shanghai, Ltd., I now own 2 acres of Tienanmen Square, free and clear. Got the certificate and everything. I bow to your reality.

Also, I've recently made a potentially very lucrative deal moving some Nigerian funds that were just sitting there.

[Naga Sadow]

Epi,

I LOVE cheesy movies. I didn't say they weren't great. I simply prefer a cheesy Chuck Norris movie over a cheesy Jackie Chan movie.

[SugarFree]

Has Chan ever made a movie even half-as-cool as Silent Rage? No? Case fucking closed.

[Naga Sadow]

Joel,

Ah. You spoke to my brother. Yes.

[Solana]

Jackie Chan is an idiot, but he also brought us this.

I think he still finishes in the blue, personally.

[Naga Sadow]

SugarFree,

"Science created him, now Chuck must destroy him!"

[Naga Sadow]

solana,

I'll see your Chan moments and raise you Black Mask.

Link.

[Naga Sadow]

What Chan may have in creative stunts, Jet Li more than makes up for with extreme beatdowns.

[SugarFree]

They really need to make a Silent Rage sequel where John Kirby has been alive in the well since 1982 and murders people with his mind by coming out of a TV set.

[BakedPenguin]

Chan is the guy who did Drunken Master, after all. I prefer to think he was shitfaced when he made that comment.

[Episiarch]

I'm going to make a confession here: I really never cared for Chuck Norris movies. I want mutation or ridiculous Austrian accents or ridiculous Belgian accents or Jeffrey Combs in my B movies. Chuck just doesn't cut it.

[Naga Sadow]

Epi,

I can follow that logic. You fear his overwhelming awesomeness. It happens.

"Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise."

[Solana]

Didn't Chuck vote for Obama or McCain or something? I vaguely remember being offended by his political activism...

[Franklin Harris]

I've actually enjoyed a Jackie Chan movie.
Chuck Norris, not so much.

What he said.

[Episiarch]

Didn't Chuck vote for Obama or McCain or something?

Huckabee.

[Solana]

Huckabee.

Oh, God. That definitely would have done it.

[BakedPenguin]

...ridiculous Belgian accents...

Here you go, Epi.

[DADIODADDY]

How is it possible to type out of sync with your lip movement?

[libertymike]

The Tank Guy represents true valor and courage. Note how he does not adorned in some clown costume of Caesar. Note how he does not bear the imprimatur of some state on his shirt. Note how he stands up to intellectually challenged cannon fodder without arms. How many "brave men and women in uniform" have the testicular fortitude to do what the kid in Tianamen Square did?

Somehow, too many otherwise rational and thoughful people equate valor and courage with killing unarmed people while displaying Caesar's badge of authority. Sick.

[domoarrigato]

Well said, libertymike

[Johnny Depp]

Relax. Actors have an inviolable right to be stupid.

[Moose has been drinking today]

tank guy

vs

tank girl.

clearly Tank Guy wins for making the gutsy choice that's burned in our heads!!!

AND SILLY PEOPLE, YOUR PRECIOUS CHUCK NORRIS AND JACQUI CHAN AND JEAN CLAUDE CANNOT STAND UP TO THE POWER OF THE GYMKATA!!!!

J Depp - look at MATT DAMON!!!

[Hazel Meade]

I suspect he's right. People are happiest when given direction, when told what to do, and when they feel "part of something bigger than themselves."

Man, I hate people.
If there's one thing my cog-sci minor has taught me, it's that people suck.

[Hazel Meade]

Also, I've recently made a potentially very lucrative deal moving some Nigerian funds that were just sitting there.

Would you be interested in some lunar real estate?

[Kolohe]

Well said, libertymike

What, for essentially saying that all soldiers are baby-killers?

[A T]

I heard the captain of the tank came out eventually and shot the guy. Poor devil.

[ondigo]

Has anyone considered that Chan was speaking sarcastically?

[Dave Chapelle]

Who got the role?

....

Chris Tucker? Damn, who got the other role?

....

Jackie Chan? That dude can't even speak English.

[Ebeneezer Scrooge]

If we're not being controlled, we'll just do what we want.

Jackie Chan is afraid everybody is stupid enough that given the chance, they'd all go out and do the same kinds of stunts he does. And then where would he be in life?

I mean damn, give the guy a break. He's just looking out for his own interests.

[wizard of oz books]

With many new announcement about the wizard of oz movies in the news, you might want to consider starting to obtain Wizard of Oz book series either as collectible or investment at RareOzBooks.com.