Fusion Centers

Odinists, iPods, Zombies, and Other Terror Threats

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Remember that "strategic report" from the Missouri Information Analysis Center that could barely tell the difference between a terrorist and a guy with a Ron Paul bumper sticker? If you wondered what other alleged menaces attracted MIAC's attention, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch has a list of the center's other reports; the subjects range from anarchists to Odin-worshippers to "Illicit Use of Digital Music Players."

Meawhile, a similar "fusion center" in Virginia has been warning cops about the dread threats lurking online, which range from actual criminal behavior to harmless parodies and pranks. Raw Story reports:

"Also of note is the phenomenon of hacktivism, defined as 'the nonviolent use of illegal or legally ambiguous digital tools in pursuit of political ends. These tools include web site defacements, redirects, denial-of-service attacks, information theft, web site parodies, virtual sit-ins, virtual sabotage, and software development,'" the memo reads. "On March 28, 2008, Wired News reported that 'Internet griefers'—a makeshift term for people who cause grief—posted code and flashing computer animations with the intention of triggering migraine headaches and seizures. Hacktivism and griefing incidents have ranged from minor inconveniences involving modified website content and denial-of-services to potentially dangerous scenarios, such as the modification of electronic traffic safety signs."

The center's graphic example of the "dangerous" scenario of altered traffic safety signs was culled from a Wired magazine report on an incident in Austin, Texas, where a hacker changed a sign to warn of a coming zombie infestation.

Give the ACLU credit for prescience: They were sounding the alarm about the fusion centers back in 2007.

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  1. “The center’s graphic example of the “dangerous” scenario of altered traffic safety signs was culled from a Wired magazine report on an incident in Austin, Texas, where a hacker changed a sign to warn of a coming zombie infestation.”

    HA!

    That’s awesome. Though the guy should have chosen something else. You gotta be mindful for when the zombies really do rise.

  2. Odinists?… Thank goodness. I thought they were talking about Onanists.

  3. web site parodies

    It’s not *exactly* a parody, but does this mean they’re going to go after Whitehouse.com?

  4. That’s funny…I knew an (ex?)Odinist that ran for Congress.

    *ya rly*

  5. Post the story on /b/ and expect a defacement/parody of http://www.miacx.org/default.aspx soon.

  6. Leaderless resistance? Is that just another term for giving the cops lip during traffic stops?

    Oh, and Amon Amarth better avoid Missouri next time the come to the states.

  7. Yo, fuck fusion centers. Why does our government want to hide the extent of the zombie threat?

  8. Why does our government want to hide the extent of the zombie threat?

    It’s all a conspiracy perpetrated by Big Chainsaw… somehow…

  9. A fake zombie warning is more dangerous than Jesse acknowledges.

    If I had seen those signs, if you happened to be walking nearby and you stumbled or just didn’t look particularly alert, I might have shot you in the head. Or run you over with a bulldozer.

    We really have no way of knowing how many people saw those fake warnings and disappeared into bomb shelters with multiyear time locks like Sissy Spacek and Christopher Walken did in that movie.

  10. It’s all a conspiracy perpetrated by Big Chainsaw… somehow…

    Are you kidding? Think of the market share you could get by producing zombie special chainsaws. Big Chainsaw should be pushing the zombie threat for sales purposes.

    This article also proves the fundamentally humorless nature of police bureaucracies, and that they’re addicted to conspiracy theories as much as any Troofer.

  11. Or run you over with a bulldozer.

    Don’t mock Killdozer or you will be sorry!

  12. like Sissy Spacek and Christopher Walken did in that movie.

    Alicia Silverstone is a zombie? It all makes sense now!

  13. It certainly explains the lazy eye and smell.

    Of course, Brendan Frasier’s career is the real HORROR THAT CANNOT DIE!

  14. Encino Man! BUUUDDYYY!

    (How the helll do you write the way that Paulie Shore says “buddy”?)

  15. Boooouuuuudiieee maybe.

  16. Buuuuhhhhh-dee

  17. Yes, Kyle. That works. Free Mahi Mahi! Free Mahi Mahi!

  18. This is just like Walker to post an article laughing off the threat of Big Zombie. Then next thing you know Zombie Hitler is right in our back yards! WAKE UP, AMERICA!

  19. This is just like Walker to post an article laughing off the threat of Big Zombie. Then next thing you know Zombie Hitler is right in our back yards! WAKE UP, AMERICA!

    First they came for our holy water, and we did nothing…

  20. You saw that movie too?

  21. virtual sit-ins

    POOL’S CLOSED!

  22. “Brains!”…..at least the White House is safe.

  23. I am an Odinist or ?satr?ar which in a nut shell means that I follow the old gods of northern Europe and the ways of my ancestors. I want to know in what way do we pose a threat to the peace and well being of our fellow Americans? We are not nearly as dangerous as radical Christians who believe that our president is the anti Christ.?satr? is thousands of years old. It’s beginnings are lost in prehistory, but as an organized system, it is older by far than Christianity. Strictly speaking, since ?satr? is the religion which springs from the specific spiritual beliefs of the Northern Europeans, it is as old as this branch of the human race, which came into being 40,000 years ago, we are a people of strong faith and we stand for nine noble virtues as follows

    1) Courage
    2) Truth
    3) Honour
    4) Fidelity
    5) Discipline
    6) Hospitality
    7) Industriousness
    8) Self Reliance
    9) Perseverance

    So if we affect our country in any way I think we affect it positively We are your deep thinkers and inventors, we are your strong laborers and we help keep this country strong the way it was supposed to be. What ever happened to our right to freedom of religion? If they for some strange reason decide that they don’t like something are they going to automatically deem it a terrorist group? It has happened before and we can only hope they are not ignorant enough to attack one of the hardest working peoples in our nation.

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