As Personal Stimulus Requests Grow, Use the Reason Personal Stimulus Generator to Qualify For Up to $350 Billion!


The AP reports:

The flood of applications for federal stimulus money in Ohio includes hundreds of requests by individuals for business ventures, personal bailouts and bizarre projects.

A man in Canton in northeast Ohio wants $100,000 to train professional magicians and teach magic as therapy….

Joseph and Rebecca Pieleck of Stow say they don't anticipate the state fulfilling their requests worth $6.75 million. They work as a network technician and a utilities supervisor and said they would use the money to run three businesses: a beef jerky company, an animal day care and a home renovation company.

"Both our jobs are hanging in the balance like a lot of other people in the economy," Joseph Pieleck said. "This seemed like an opportunity to get a business going. What's the harm?"

More here.

Last month, we unveiled Reason's Personal Stimulus Generator™ for all your stimulus needs. Details below:

As the government gets set to spend nearly $800 billion to stimulate the economy, make sure to get your fair share of the plunder by participating in Reason's Personal Stimulus GeneratorTM.

It only takes a minute and will be worth billions! Share with friends, family, complete strangers, and members of Congress!

Answer a few simple questions and you'll get a specific earmark-the only one in the whole bill, we promise!-written directly into the legislation. Suitable for framing, it also makes a wonderful gift for you grandchildren, your grandchildren's grandchildren, and everyone else who will be paying off the cost of the stimulus.

Click here to get in on the spoils!

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  1. That beef jerky request will never be approved. Not enough pork.

  2. I want $100,000 to lace with cyanide all shipments of caviar going into D.C. It should knock out plenty of politicians and/or cosmotarians.

    Only good can come of this…

  3. I assume the animal day care and the ‘beef’ jerky ventures are somehow evilly intertwined…

  4. Raivo Pommer

    Rumenien ja Lettlands geld

    Die Reaktion fiel gelassen aus. Obgleich nach Ungarn und Lettland mit Rum?nien nun der dritte osteurop?ische EU-Mitgliedstaat die Europ?ische Kommission in Zahlungsschwierigkeiten geraten ist und um Hilfe gebeten hat, zeigen die Finanzm?rkte nur verhaltene Reaktionen.

    Die Landesw?hrung Leu wertet zwar um 0,8 Prozent auf 4,3077 Leu je Euro ab, doch ist sie damit immer noch unter dem Tief von Anfang Februar bei 4,3614 Leu. Die Kurse der rum?nischen Staatsanleihen gaben immerhin leicht nach.

  5. But can we Twitter it?

  6. TofuSushi! That was funny!

  7. Thank you Epi.

  8. I’d better finish my proposal for the $120 Million I need to buy a few acres of wooded land, build something concrete on it, make it more energy efficient, tear it down, clean up the site, and plant new trees on it. I anticipate this will create more jobs and help the environment. It’s a win-win

  9. Reinmoose,

    As long as it is non-nuclear and green, it sounds lovely.

  10. Scenes from the requests…

    Skinner: Before we draw up the budget, I believe the students and faculty have a few suggestions.
    Willy: I want a crystal bucket for my slopwater and a brand new filthy blanket.
    [Skinner stamps “Approved” on his clipboard]
    Doris: The cafeteria staff is complaining about the mice in the kitchen. I want to hire a new staff. [“Approved”]
    Lisa: I’d like to start a jazz program for the music department. We’ve got a really great instructor lined up. [opens door]
    Skinner: [with Chalmers] Tito Puente!
    [Tito plays his bongos]
    Lisa: He’s ready to give up the drudgery of the professional mambo circuit and settle into a nice teaching job.
    Tito: Man, it will be my pleasure. Lisa has told me all your students are as bright and dedicated to jazz as she is.
    Lisa: [nervous laugh] Let’s go now, Mr. Puente. [“Approved”]
    Ralph: Chocolate microscopes. [“Approved”]
    Otto: You know those guitars, that are like, double guitars, you know? [“Approved”]
    Skinner: More rubber stamps. [“Approved”]

  11. It’s time to erect my five-acre BuckyDome greenhouse banana plantation. Montana localvores deserve banana splits, too!

    Send me fifty million bucks ASAP.

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